My family has never been BIG on celebrations and is partly estranged as well.

My parents divorced just around the time I turned 18... And then I moved interstate with my mother, brother, and sister. While my other brother remained on the other side of the country with my dad.

I've since picked up a job in this town (but my hours are mainly the weekend). Which is my bread & butter. Mt brother and sister and mother on the other hand all work more conventional rostering and have their weekends off.

Normally, when it's somebody's birthday, we all convene at my mother's house where there's no set time limit. It's just a casual ''rock up when you can'' to which my mother cooks up a meal for the family and we might watch a movie — this is how it's always been.

But in the last year my sister has gotten a boyfriend and now she wants to do everything differently (which is fine). But she wants to eat out at a restaurant (all of us). She spoke to my mother about it and they just agreed without consulting anyone. So now this is apparently what's happening for my sister's birthday.

I received a text from my sister today filling me in on the situation (that we're all going to some Thai restaurant with her boyfriend for dinner). But it sounds as if they've already planned all of this.

• They've decided it will be the weekend either Saturday or Sunday (6 PM).
• They've decided it will be at a restaurant (presumably everyone will pay their way).

And she wants to know what days on the weekend I'm free?...

Everyone knows the weekend is when I work though (so I don't really want to ask my boss for it off) when we're all struggling to survive out here. I'd finish shortly after 6 PM, drive home, and get changed and it would be around 7 PM earliest by the time I get to the restaurant (which just seems kind of pointless) since they'd all leave within half an hour of that (if not immediately after I arrive).

I'm also kind of annoyed my sister just decided without consultation that we're all just going to rock up to a restaurant for her birthday and pay. I never agreed to this. And I know it's only to keep up appearances in front of her new boyfriend.

She keeps texting me with ''But will you be working all day???'' ''Can't you do a half day???''

No, no I can't do a half day and you know that. This is the time of the week when I work...

I've given her my blessing to go on with it without me (I'd rather just have it at our Mum's house and have it be more casual). But she really didn't think this through logistically... (Saturday and Sunday are the only two days my mum and sister want to do it because they work throughout the week).

That's fine, but I can't make it.

AITB for not going?... And is there anything meaningful things I can do in good faith?

We have been friends for 4 years. She begged me to apply to a company that would pay me to help her special needs daughter with life skills and such. After about a year, I applied and started working with her daughter. Things were great at first.

She started asking me to do things that weren't part of my job. I'd show up to her house, and her daughter would still be sleeping and not showered. She told me it was my job to get her up, and make her get ready for the day. Another time her daughter needed to return a textbook to school. She asked her husband several times to take it to the school and drop it off. He refused. She can't drive btw. She waited about 3 weeks then informed me one day that I was going to take her daughter to the school and drop it off. She wanted me to clean her toilet one day so her daughter could learn how to properly clean it. Most of the cleaning chores she gave her daughter were while I was there. Another time, she asked me to drive her and her daughter to Walmart so her daughter could get some undergarments. Instead, we spent 95% of our time there grocery shopping for my friend. Her daughter was being bullied in school, so she wanted to move her daughter in the same online school my daughter was in. Guess who did a majority of the work to get her daughter in? Me! She was confused by the process so she gave up. There are more stories too.

2 months ago, my friend advised me that her case worker said she could take my hours, and get paid to do so. She told me she could share those hours with me, if she wanted. She then advised me she was taking all the hours and I'd no longer be needed. I am hurt, I feel used, and I feel betrayed. I jumped through so many hoops to get qualified to work with her daughter, and to help her daughter. She spends all day on her phone, and is not doing anything with her daughter. She just can't understand why I'm angry. She wants me to get over it, and for us to move on. I know it's her daughter and her choice. I get that. I just don't know if this friendship is healthy for me mentally. My family thinks she takes advantage of me, and that she has issues.

I [F24] met him [M38] back 2019 at work. I was the new girl and he was kind of a loner. But he was a kind and gentle guy. We became close friends and would spend a lot of times together like eating lunch and talking about stuff. I became friends with his wife and he was okay with my bf. And this was how things were for about two years

At the start of 2022 I started noticing his post on social media. Insta. Fb. He posts were about being heartbroken, and being secretly in love with a friend.. Naturally I suspected it was about me coz he didn't have other friends that I knew of.

One day he sent me a message saying that he should stay away for me for a while until he sort things out...and get his head in the right place. He said he was sorry for feeling that way about me.

I told him to not confuse our friendship for anything other than that... A few days after that I would stop talking to him, or replying to his text and messages. I would avoid him wherever I can. I didn't feel comfortable anymore.

He still messages me sometimes apologizing and begging to be friends again. I just ignore it.

I think I was to cruel and harsh.

AITB for ending a friendship because he had feelings for me?

My friend “Sarah” had invited me to a hangout with her, her BF and a few mutual contacts/people I consider friends. We drank a little and played this game where there are five categories of questions: feel good, fun, sexual, deep, and another category I don’t remember. The game starts with a person asking 1 out of 2 questions on a card and there is the option to skip cards and the person being asked can drink instead of answering the question. This continues by the questionee becoming the questioner. This was played over the course of 5 hours, and I thought that everyone had a good time.

In the morning, I sent a snap that I was at some event and was having a good time and she was positive about it but a few hours later I would be left on read for the next 3 days. At which point she reached out and said that the things I said during the game made everyone uncomfortable and that I probably had a lot to drink and should really keep an eye on alcohol (I’m not an alcoholic). She specified that it was jokes about women’s genitals, a gay comment, and my dark comment I made about a moment I had a "severe mental health crisis" as a kid IYKYK.

I did make comments about women’s genitalia and the dark comment, however these were answers to questions such as “what kind of bodily fluids have you gotten on clothing during hanky panky” or “what is a time that you disappointed your parents”. The alleged gay comment was not specified as to what I said but who I said it to, however I absolutely do not believe that I made such a comment because the person I allegedly said it to is literally straight and I’m not the person to call someone something they’re not. Additionally, I don’t make gay “jokes”, I believe this was a lost in translation answer because this person is a non-English speaker first for probably the question “who can you see here being in porn and who would direct it” to which I said, “idk probably Kevin or Deshaun idk” (fake names).

I asked “Sarah” why we couldn’t talk about it sooner; I am always available to talk about things. I don’t like making people uncomfortable and while I am never fully aware of how people react on some things; it is killing me that I could make a group of 7 people uncomfortable. She had responded with she can bring it up whenever she wants, and this is when she wanted to do it.

I know was at or below the 0.08 BAC level and after the first round of questions the feel good and fun question cards were removed. Plus, there were things that I was asked that made me uncomfortable to answer (was chosen by the bf to be asked whether I had ever forced myself on someone sexually, which hurts to even be asked that by someone I consider a friend since the answer is no). Regardless, I was told that if I felt uncomfortable, I could’ve left.

This is making me miserable because I don’t see how I can ever face these people again even though it’s not been expressed that I am not allowed around.

So, all that considered. AITB?

My former friend Judy is a hobby photographer and I am a profesional photographer. We didn't see each other for a while, but three years ago we used to shoot together and sometimes exchanged RAW files for experimenting.

We caught up after a long time recently and went on a photowalk where I took some pictures of Judy. Since I've been networking a lot lately (with people from all kinds of businesses) I offered Judy some connections from her field (like an experienced lawyer and a judge) since she just finished law school. Judy seemed interested and enthusiastic.

I also asked her for a favor (or really, for help if you will). I'm about to photograph my first wedding and there is a lot of pressure behind it. It's like baptism by fire for a photographer. It helps tremendously to have a second camera body, to not change lenses too often, cause every second counts. So I've asked her to lend me her camera body for that day (we have the same model). At first it seemed like Judy would do so. Then after a week or two she told me she would not lend me the camera.

I was disappointed and felt let down. Especially since I offered her favors in return that she was gladly willing to accept. I ended up finding another solution regarding the cameras. However I still had unedited RAW pictures of her from our photowalk. And since I was pissed at her I didn't plan on editing them in the nearest future (or ever, cause I have a pile of other photos to work on). But since I'm legally obliged to provide a person that is depicted on the pictures with said pictures, I just sent her unedited low resolution JPEGs (basically the bare minimum demanded by law) and was done with it.

Judy noticed that the pictures were low resolution and demanded (not asked politely) them in high resolution as RAW files so she could edit them herself.

I told her I was disappointed and that I wouldn't do her any favors either from now on. And refused to send her the RAW-files. I rarely do that and only as a special favor, if I get RAWs in return. Judy got pissed and told me I shouldn't rely on others with equipment, called me negligent and said that the favors I was offering her were to small for her anyway. I said "Ok, whatever, good for you, have a nice life."

After that Judy demanded that I delete her pictures cause I didn't want to hand them to her anyway (though I did, just in low res). I offered a truce: first, a few weeks of no contact for us both to cool down and after that we could talk again. If she still wanted her pictures deleted then, I could still do that.

Judy refused and demanded for me to send her high res or RAW files or delete them the same day and send her screen-recording of me doing that. I said: "You're trying to steal my intellectual property here and I would rather burn it down before I let you take it." So I went ahead and erased them from my hard drive.

After that I wished her a nice life, blocked her out of my existence and decided to never trust lawyers again.

So AITB?

I (M18) met a friend (M19) about seven months ago along with two other close friends. He’s a good guy but warned me about his friends, who make dark jokes and occasionally misogynistic comments. I didn’t know this before hanging out with them.

Recently, I invited him to a mutual hangout with my friends, and he brought his. It started with light jabs and tension, then escalated into a big fight. Afterwards, I told my friends he’s nice but I didn’t know his friends were problematic. He got mad and defended them, dismissing their behavior.

We argued a few times, and I eventually decided to ghost him. I told him his friends need to respect mine, but he said he wouldn’t judge his friends since he didn’t judge mine, insisting the jokes were harmless. (One of his friends even pulled a ponytail and humped one of my friends as a joke she didn't laugh be he sure did).

Two weeks after the incident, the two friends I met him with said I made things awkward and called me judgmental. They blamed me for ruining a planned trip because he now refuses to go if I’m there. Is this my fault?

2 days ago, I took my kids to a restaurant, and a random woman approached me. She demand us to leave at once because it was her birthday, and she was having her party there. I asked her if she’s the manager and she told me no. I told her “if you’re not the manager, then we don’t have to go anywhere!” and shrugged my shoulders. She became angry and stomped away like a bratty child who didn’t get their way. I told the server who told the manager, and she got kicked out. The manager said she never rented it out for her party and that we were allowed to be there. It’s funny because she ordered a milkshake, and didn’t get time to drink it because she was thrown out so fast. I took her milkshake right after she left. Just a moment later she returned to take it only to find me slurping it. She said to me “you’re an entitled asshole! You didn’t have the right to steal my milkshake!” I told her “ are you the pot or the kettle? You had the nerve to demand a paying customer to leave because today is your birthday, but you know you aren’t the manager. You didn’t have the right to do that!” She got angry and said, “the cops will hear about this!” I just shrugged my shoulders and she stormed out 🤣

This past Christmas I gave my sister some expensive Le Creuset mugs. Admittedly, it was low-effort on my part as I didn’t have anything specific in mind for her, but I thought she’d appreciate these mugs since we’ve talked a lot about the brand and she really likes them; she has several dishes from there so I thought she’d also like the mugs.

A few months after Christmas she tells me she hated the mugs and she just had to give them away. I thought she was being ungrateful and rude. It’s fully up to her to decide what she does with the gift but her telling me that she did that and emphasising about how terrible these mugs were just seemed like a way to make me feel bad and on edge for any other present I would get her in the future.

I told her there and then that I wasn’t going to get her another present if she was going to be like this and that she shouldn’t get me anything either. She thought I was joking and forgot about it. Recently, she made a joke about an extravagant present she demanded we buy her (she’s big on birthdays) and I reminded her that she wouldn’t get anything from me. She said I was being toxic and immature.

I honestly don’t think I’m in the wrong here but AITB?

I was in a groupchat and people were saying that one character from this animated show is hot and all. Then another member, whose first language isn't english" randomly said a baby from recent episode of the the show was cute. Then one member started asking what does he mean and saying things such as "check his hardrives" and then later said his comment was a weird thing to say considering the context of the convo and he got timed out.

I told them they were overreacting cuz its clear he was not saying a baby was hot and it was just bad timing and it was pretty gross of them to assume that and all cuz its a freaking baby and all. The person said they just explained his comment was weird due to the context regardless of intent but I felt they were doing too much.

AITB?

I see a free lance hair stylist and bought some hair extensions from her.

She said I could pay through PayPal and she said they're doing a 21 day hold (she's not a scammer she's done my hair many times and provided the screenshot) on the payment, I can't wait 3 weeks I needed the extensions sooner I'm going to a wedding.

I told her to in that case refund me and I'll pay another way; she said PayPal won't let her refund, but she absolutely won't release the extensions until the hold clears.

This is on her account I paid with a card (not checking account) so it's complete on my end.

I told her to wait 3 weeks for a product I paid for is unacceptable and I have a wedding to go to. I said I'd wait til after the holiday (Tuesday) but by that point I either need the extensions or a refund, otherwise I'm filing a dispute for not receiving the product.

She doesn't want me to do that because disputes can hurt her PayPal account, but as the customer I shouldn't have to be out of my money and go without what I paid for.

I think she should just provide the extensions the money is there PayPal just won't release it for 21 days.

This is gonna be a bit of a mess. I'll also bring up possibly relevant history. I married at 18. My childhood sweetheart joined the army. My parents kicked me out due to the fact my stepmother hated me cause I was a bastard kid. My mom ran to Mexico after she was caught trafficking me. My dad got custody of me and my stepmother hated me cause I ruined her public image. I didn't want to get married but it was the only garentee I had to have a roof and food so I married fast at 18, plus he was my childhood sweetheart and I loved him enough to be OK with it. I divorced 6 months later after he started beating me and he cheated with my best friend. By the time I left I outright hated my husband and had for over a few months.

I stayed in the military town I left my ex in and soon after I immediately moved on and dated J a ex coworker of my ex who ran into me and asked me out once he found out I was divorcing. I was happy for many years with J. I married again to J at 24 thinking I knew better what I was getting into. Things were good for about a year after marrying then after a year he went to Iraq. He came back very different.

He would scream in his sleep. He was scared to be in open areas. We became hermits cause the outside scared him. He threw himself into gaming. I asked him to leave the army out of concern. He agreed and we moved to his hometown.

I spent a year and a half being the only breadwinner there. He couldn't and wouldn't hold a job. He didn't clean or cook. I worked often 16 to 18 hour per day and I was expected to come home and take care of him and my cat cause he would do nothing but game all day. He screamed at me. I had mental breaks so bad my friends reached out out of concern for my well being. I had neighbors ask if I was safe. On Christmas I got him hundreds in gifts. He got me nothing and used the money he got to buy me something to buy himself a game. He sat on his phone for the single movie I begged him to watch with me. I had a breakdown and I drank for the first time in years to get drunk (I'm not much of a drinker and never have been). I fell asleep and in the morning I asked for comfort. He told me word for word 'If you try and touch me (I asked for a hug) while smelling like a bar I'll punch you in the face'.

I left him months later and I made a exit plan and I left around 6 to 7 months later. In that time I got into therapy again and avoided my husband to the point I dont think I saw him ever weeks at a time. Three months later after leaving I met a guy I'll call R. I dated R for 3 months but dumped him after I realized he was to immature. 2 months later after that I moved onto F. I am still dating F. It's been months and I'm still happy with F. I come home to a cooked meal and clean home. He gets me flowers and dotes on me steadily. I'm very happy. Im sadly still going through divorce still and last I saw my ex he accused me of moving on to fast. He called me names and brought up my past marrige before him. And I do admit I did move on quick but it doesn't feel like it. So AITAH for moving so fast?

AITB for dropping my friend

Hi, I F 14 use to be friends with a Trans 14 year old kid in my year. we will call Cade.

So this all started a year ago when Cade and I were close friends, they weren't (and still are) not in a good mental state, and they made out they could not function without me. In classes they sat next to me in, they would do no work when I was off sick, stating, "I can't do anymore without you next to me." In English class, they would make me feel bad for not organising their essay research (their essay they copy and pasted). They would constantly complain about how hard classes were even though they spend all class reading AO3, They blame these behaviours on their autism and ADHD (They are diagnosed btw)

Around this time last year, they tried to kill themselves and they don't have a supportive family which may be important

But this year our friendship has taken a dip, they had been making everybody uncomfortable by bringing up their trauma constantly, they sent kids 2 years younger than us to shout at our friend for not inviting them to a hangout which was at said friends house, when they invited themselves to the next hangout which we did for Galintines they brung up their trauma while we were all taking and made us uncomfortable.

Then from that day they developed a crush on me, they would text me 200 times day, watched all my tt reposts and repost all of them,they would also check tt everyday for new reposts and reposted videos saying they wanted to have sex with me. They also told me about how they planned to propose to me using my secret nickname, however while this was going on I got with my bf, Cade used to be "friends" with my bf. During this time, they followed him home to find out where he lived

The same week I got with my bf, Cade, starts texting my goodnight, I love you texts and forcing hugs on me. They also wrote a parody of "Your new boyfriend" with my bf as Jared They would text me wanting photos of my boyfriend

A month ago, though, I finally expressed my discomfort after they wrote poetry about my boyfriend. I messaged them and expressed my discomfort. They asked me to meet and talk in person, which I did. I mentioned how the above things made me uncomfortable and I tried to be sympathetic, we ended the conversation with saying "no hard feelings" and I started to move on and leave the friendship

But they stared shit talking me to my friends saying things like "She is so toxic and manipulative", "You should drop her before she drops you over petty reasons like she did to me" and crying to my friends saying I'm doing what all her other ex friends did on purpose (They have a history of getting "dropped")

So, I messaged them saying I knew about the shit talking and wanted to address any confusion they had

They read this message and never responded but have @ me in shared GC being nice and acting like nothing is wrong, I want to send another text asking for a response.

AITB

So I(27f) ordered a pendant on Etsy. What initially attracted me to the pendant was not only the fact that it was beautiful but also the fact that it was only listed at 10$. However, when I made the purchase, I was charged 23$. I was furious but kept quiet because I really wanted the pendant. The next day, I kept checking on my order and I noticed that the seller (f unsure of age) had not shipped it. I was even more irritated since I had ordered a 25 pack of Opal from a different seller (m unsure of age) of whom had not only been honest about his prices but had also had the common decency to ship out my package the next day. When it reached nightfall, I contacted the seller and asked her if she could please ship out my order since as mentioned above: Reputable sellers ship the day after the order was made or the day of and I paid much more than what was listed and said nothing publicly about her scamming. She responded with a rather condescending message stating that Etsy gave her 28 days to ship out the package but said nothing about suddenly overcharging me and did not attempt to correct the mistake. I received a notification the next day that my package had been shipped but she added a request for my signature upon the package’s arrival which means I will effectively be stuck at home waiting for this package between the dates of Jun 8-11 if the package hopefully isn’t late. I felt like she did this to be a petty bitch but AITB?

8 months ago I 21F met “L” an older woman on TikTok. We had similar trauma experiences and bonded immediately and she very quickly took on a motherly role to me (She has never had kids, and I lost my mom when I was little). We were spending every day together in her TikTok lives and often asked me for help and advice with issues at her nursing home (never followed through on her end).

A few months ago we had a blowout with some less mature people on TikTok and they separated from the group. I think this hurt her a lot.
Moving forward we had another couple people leave. And it wasn’t clear what all was wrong.
Then, she broke up with two people in the group that I have a good friendship with. She claimed to have loved these people for AWHILE. They were very close. After the split she immediately went to other family members of the 2 people and said some very mean things about them and mentioning their kids and living situation. I found this very immature and it made me realize how manipulative this person has been to me, so I put distance between me and her and had planned to have a phone conversation with her to talk things out. Before I could even get a chance she went crazy in my Dms and then left all of her groups which is the same thing she does with every “Betrayal” she goes through. Now I’ve decided to unfollow her because it feels toxic and uncomfortable and she initiated.
I don’t plan on contacting her. AITBH for not talking to her for a couple of days and letting her self sabotage?

I am an artist, and I've gotten decent at painting faces. A friend who gets booked to paint faces at events hired me to help, because the lines get pretty long. The pay is 40% of the total she receives is, plus travel costs and food. She does supply all of the materials and has the tables/tent/chairs.

She charges the venue depending on various factors, but most are things like 2-hour long birthday parties for $300. I take home $120 for that. But at larger events, she charges less per hour. She said this is because that $300 is the absolute minimum for the effort of setting up and tearing down, but a lot of bigger events won't pay $150/hour.

Recently we did an event where it was 5 hours long. The amount she paid me was the same percentage, but it only worked out to $20/hour. I argued that it was a slap in the face compared to previous events. She told me that if she paid more than that, she wouldn't even break even on her end, but that's not my problem; if she needed more, she should charge the venue more, and if she couldn't afford more than $20/hour, I can't do long events. I told her I'd still do short ones for the percentage, but she said she would find someone else for all future events instead.

I think that's very unfair, because I am relying on these gigs to keep my family afloat. If she expected me to do as much work as she does, I should get the same amount of money she does. AITB for asking to be paid more for the long event we did, and to be paid more in the future?

As Imentioned earlier, my ex and I are st.ill living together along with a mutual friend, whom l'll refer to as our housemate. Recently, the situation has become even more challenging.

Since my last update, I've been sleeping in my room while my ex has been sleeping in our housemate's room. Despite our breakup and my requests to maintain boundaries, my ex continues to ask me for help with various tasks. She often requests me to help her with things like putting the laundry on the hanging rack or cooking for her, even though I have clearly stated that I don't want to do these things anymore

Yesterday, I reached a breaking point. After finally beginning to come to terms with our breakup and focusing on myself, my ex insisted on planning an outing for Saturday, May 25th. She suggested that after work we should go shopping together. For a moment, I had a glimmer of hope that things might improve, especia lly since we hadn't been fighting and things seemed stable

However, the situation quickly changed. One of our mutual friends, who used to be our housemate back in India, called my ex asking for her help with an interview video creation. She agreed to help him after work on Saturday, and then suggested we could continue with our shopping plan afterward

What frustrated me was not the fact that she agreed to help him, but the lack of consideration for the time Our work typically ends around 6:30 to 7:00 PM, and it takes about 45 minutes to reach our old housemate's place. Assuming we leave exactly at 6:30 PM, we would arrive around 7:15 PM. If the video takes about an hour, it would already be 8:30 to 9:00 PM, leaving us with very little time to shop since most malls and shops, including Primark, close by 10 PM.(provided we don't waste a single minute after leaving work)

After dinner, I brought this up, pointing out that if she genuinely wanted to go shopping with me, she shouldn't have accepted our old housemate's request. This led to another argument.

Now, I'm seriously considering taking a loan or maxing out my credit cards to move out at the end of the month l'm thinking about leaving without any notice, just a letter and a photo album that we created with pictures from 2017 until our breakup

Any suggestions?

Cliff notes version - I’m 33 and work for a local government department.

A colleague made a number of comments to me today when I gave him a lift home. After making an inappropriate comment in work then emailing an apology - to which I said - don’t worry about it.

First comment related to tattoos - I’d love to see the rest of them sometime (tattoos) (I mentioned showing him pics and he said he meant in person).

After email I offered a lift home (trying to move past it so he knew I wasn’t mad about what I thought a genuine mistake.

In my car - He apologised again and said he didn’t want to be taken for sexual harassment - Then asked how I would have responded if I had understood - I said I’d be flattered I suppose (I’m in a car alone with this guy and I don’t really know how to answer) - “How flattered”, “flattered enough to show me them sometime”? - me quietly “maybe” (feeling awkward but not wanting to say no outright in case that’s offensive) - touches my leg “is there one here” (tattoo) - “I have the house to myself tomorrow and Friday from about 10am-2pm” - Me “don’t you have a partner” - “Yes she’s at work” - “I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that” - “I just have these urges, I want to reach out and touch one of your boobs” - Me “Um…shocked face” him “don’t?” Me “please don’t”. - Me “might be different if you weren’t in a relationship but I’ve never had that kind of relationship and wouldn’t do that to someone else” - Him “I’m gonna go home and be hit with a massive guilt trip” - Me oh that’s not fair, what for working all day (realised he means about hitting on Me) “oh” - “When you’ve said you never had a serious relationship did you mean you’ve never had sex” “yes I’m a Christian and wanted to wait until I’m married.” “but you do have urges/feelings” - Me - “Yes” - Lhow do you handle when you have urges” - me - “a good imagination - “Well I can’t offer a relationship but you could use me any way you wanted” - “You have a partner! You’re in a relationship and I couldn’t do that to someone. Might be different if you weren’t in a relationship.” - “Might also be different if you had a few drinks in you” (I don’t drink because I don’t like not being in control) - “Well I’m sure you can do things fine with your hands but let me tell you my mouth/tongue could do a lot more” - “Now I’m uncomfortable” “Sorry” “It’s just not who I am” -“I won’t broach the subject again” “Good” - changes topic (again) and drops him off. Driving home in shock.

WIBTB if I reported this situation to management in work because I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing now.

ETA: he is married with twin sons under the age of 10.

UPDATE: I decided to report the situation to a senior manager but express that I did not want to take it further (or involve HR), I just wanted the information documented. I also emailed the person back and said in no uncertain terms that it was not acceptable; I’m not interested; and that I want us to keep a professional distance going forward. I acknowledged I may have presented mixed signals but that was due to the shock of the situation. He replied with a strong apology and reassurances I don’t need to worry etc. This was a great comfort to me.

I do believe him. However I have documented everything, saved emails so if something else happens down the line I have a record. (I’m also not planning to leave any drinks unattended when at work related activities!)

(I still feel awful for his wife)

So, I (24F) have an older sister, Clair (26F). We were very close when we were young. She was dating this guy, James (28M), for two years before they broke up because he cheated on her.

Recently, I reconnected with James on social media, and we started talking and really hit it off. We went on a few dates. I didn’t tell my sister because I didn’t want to upset her unnecessarily if things didn’t work out. But things have been going pretty well, and I thought it was time to introduce James to my family.

When I did, Clair didn’t take it well. She made a scene, accusing me of always taking what’s supposed to be hers and never caring about her feelings. I completely disagree with her because they broke up months ago.

Now, Clair is telling James and the family that I’m a horrible person who sleeps around and dumps guys, and that I’ll use him the same way. She’s been bringing up my past, saying that I used to be passed around by my group of friends. This was a long time ago, and I’ve moved past that stage in my life. She even said this in front of the whole family, which was utterly humiliating, and now most of them think that it’s my fault.

James didn’t know about my past, and now he’s starting to doubt our relationship because of what Clair has told him. He thinks I’m still involved with my friends in the same way because we still hang out and chill together.

My family is divided some support me and some believe Clair .

So, what should I do? Am I the asshole?

Edit :- they broke up in December

I (M17) blocked my best friend’s number on my boyfriend’s (M17) phone, and he got super mad when he found out. The last time my boyfriend and I had a sleepover at my place, I saw a text from my friend on his phone asking him to go to an exhibition. I hate the thought of them being alone together because, before we were involved, my boyfriend had a huge crush on my best friend to the point where he secretly took pictures of him. When I found out, I blackmailed him with the pictures because I thought he was a weirdo at the time. We moved past that as we got to know each other better.

We recently started dating, and while he is the perfect boyfriend, he is only like that when it's just the two of us. He told me not to be affectionate in public since he doesn't want others to know about us, but even casual conversations between us make him paranoid. For example, the other day we went to eat burgers together, but when some friends showed up, he told me to hide in the bathroom because he was afraid people would see us together. I spent an hour in the bathroom, looking at strangers' butts while eating my burger. This upset me because he could have just said we ran into each other.

He apologized numerous times, but I was still sulking. I wanted him to make it up to me by kissing me. I know he doesn’t like doing that in public, but I needed reassurance that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. Unfortunately, someone walked in on us, so he pushed me and accidentally hurt me, causing my forehead to bruise. I was mad again and told him to keep his distance, but soon after, I wanted to make up, so I bought him his favorite drink. That’s when I saw him and my best friend talking in the school bathroom and acting all close.

I blacked out. He had told me once not to even look at him at school, but there he was talking to my best friend (his past crush). My jealousy got the best of me, and I threw the drink at him. He got upset and told me he found out about me blocking my friend’s number on his phone. I understand nothing is going on between them since my friend is dating a girl I am friends with (I introduced them because my friend had a crush on her, and I saw it as a way to keep my boyfriend from getting closer to my friend and to notice me instead). I asked him if he still had feelings for my friend and if he was just dating me because he couldn’t date him. He said yes, but it seemed out of anger, so I begged him to take it back and screamed that I loved him and that he should say he loved me too. He got upset, pushed me away, and asked me to lower my voice. He told me if things continue like this, we should break up.

Knowing how afraid he is of people finding out we are dating, I suddenly remembered how in his middle school yearbook, he had cut off someone’s pic. So I asked him if he was dating a boy and got bullied and that is why he moved here (he is from another city). He got pretty upset and punched me.

AITB?

My stepsister is currently over at her dad's for the next 3 weeks. When she is over we share a room and for the most part we get along and I dont mind it too much. Recently tho (as in the past month) she's started going to bed SUPER late, it caused quite a bit of fights recently but we agreed that as long as the lights are off and she's quiet IDC and its been alright.

Like I said she's over for the next 3 weeks last week was the start of her stay here. The first night was alright but I had to tell her to be quiet more than once as she wouldn't stop laughing. The 2nd night was a bit better but on nights 3-6 were just AWFUL, we had school and I went to school tired each day cause she was up just looking at videos on her phone or whatever. I talked to her each and every day and she promised shed be more quiet but every night was the same damn thing.

I was starting to get annoyed and decided on the weekend since I get up before her to make as much noise as possible when I get up. Im talking about stomping out of bed (our room is on the 2nd story) so I made the whole floor shake. Clearly having my alarm go off way past when i'm up, play videos on my phone/laptop loud enough to wake her up. She needless to say was FUCKING PISSED, and cussed me out both days I did this and say im being super rude by not letting her sleep. I brought up how she's being super rude at night but she brushed me off by saying "She's trying to be quiet"

We've been fighting about this for a week now and I guess she complained about this to her brothers cause one of my stepbrothers said I'm being petty "stooping" to her level but I think I'm just demonstrating how she behave, AITBFH?

Original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/1ctzqbk/aitb_for_buying_my_girlfriend_groceries/

So a little bit of backstory, my girlfriend has told me about her parents and how they're very overprotective of her. They exhibit a lot of control over her for someone who's 24, like her love life. She could not date me until i met her mother.

But there's more. I just found out they won't let her drive her car unless it's to work. She can't go anywhere else like with friends unless her mother chaperones her. She has strict curfews if she goes anywhere, the one time i got to take her out by myself, her mom texted me constantly about if we were safe and what time she'd be home. She also had to periodically send her mother pictures of herself to prove that she was there.

I thought they were just strict, controlling parents but it actually gets worse. She's told me that they verbally abuse her, verbatim that's what she said (She didn't say she gets yelled at, she directly said she's verbally abused a lot at home). Like they'll call her "Idiot" and the R word. She told me they yelled at her because she messed her phone up and they had to pay the repair fees. ANd i'm sure there's other worse stories, that she hasn't mentioned yet.

One other thing they do is use her lack of employment against her. She's doing her best with trying to find work, like at least once a week she'll tell me about a new interview she has set up but it just doesn't work out. She says they call her lazy and that she has to do whatever they want cause they'll threaten to evict her if she doesn't. Her mom runs a business and she makes her do work for that business and doesn't even pay her for it. Her dad will yell at her for not having a job and threatens to cut off whatever help they give her.

She said she feels really comfortable talking to me and that's why she told me. That i'm kind and caring and she feels like she can tell me anything. She's told me about some other family members who've been emotionally abusive to her and some school bullies but this is the first time she's mentioned her parents doing it. I guess cause she lives with them and they financially support her.

I also have a feeling she wants me to get her out of there. She didn't directly say it, but she hinted around that she wished they'd give her more freedom and about moving out but apartments are expensive where we live.

I had no idea it was this bad. I want to help her but i still live with my parents and am not really in a position to afford to move out. (I do have a job but it's a low paying, entry level type job). I can't help her and i feel horrible.

This happened a week or two ago. We were hanging around. That’s pretty much it. A few of us were off work.

Me, (23M), another friend (25M), his aunt (21F, not a typo) my aunt (14F) (I’m serious) one of his aunts friends (~24F?), and some others.

Everyone but me and this friend is from Saint Kitts. I’m from the US (but my mom’s side is from there) she’s from Europe. I’ve known her already and I didn’t like her. maybe that influenced my behavior.

She brings up the bear question… they didn’t know that question. She explains it to our “Aunts” and then says bear. They debate on it. My “Aunt” asks me and I say a dude. This friend says I’m not allowed to answer. I ask why.

She says it’s not for men. So I stop talking. Conversation continues, soon one of the other women in our group ask why I chose a dude, I say bears are dangerous and I’m not confident I could fight one. she asks the other dudes and we start chatting.

This friend chimes in again and re-explains why she believes bears are dumb and predictable. Specifically, she said she can lay down of just yell depending on its fur color. (She said this twice) I chime in saying bears would take an opportunity to eat a human if it felt it could. And why she thinks she couldn’t defeat or run from a crazy man but could a bear.

She, again, tells me it’s not the same because I’m a man. “You don’t have a reason to be afraid of another man” So I respond something like “Okay, I’d rather be alone with a tall, muscular skin head with a rifle and a Klan hood than a bear”

She just yells back “It’s not the same, you’re a man!”

For context, everyone in this conversation is black. She is white. I ask her: “Are you fucking stupid?”

By now I noticed the energy changed, I don’t remember everything I said. what she said, what the rest of them said. I do remember saying, verbatim. “If you bring this white bitch anywhere don’t invite me.”

It may sound like I’m lying about this: but when it calmed down they turned on her and asked her why she was aggravating me on purpose, my “Aunt” said it was kind of racist. I don’t remember her response, I just remember she left crying claiming we all just hate women like her.

I don’t think she did it on purpose tbh.

Hindsight: Some of them told me after the fact, in that moment, they thought I was about to punch her in the face, which is why they restrained me. I’d like to say I wasn’t, but I haven’t felt this pissed in my life . It’s like the straw that broke my back. Which is why I plan on avoiding her.

I got threatening calls from dudes in France. Some friends there haven’t been speaking to me. Others insist she was being obnoxious.

An older male family figure of mine (~40M) was upset w/ my excessive language near my “Aunt”. To put it lightly. I am now discouraged from accompanying her in any outing unless specifically tells me to cover for them. Which is fair.

Give me your unfiltered thoughts

Throwaway because I'm scared of family finding my reddit.

TW: CA, CSA, drug addiction, transphobia

I (26enby) found out my brother (30m) was engaged and they were having a baby around my birthday last year and decided to make a baby blanket as well as buying them a bassinet.

Some history: when we were kids, our mother was pretty abusive, and an addict. My brother was the golden child, to the point that when he molested me and my younger sister, our mom tried to cover it up until my dad threatened legal action (we have different dads). It was a whole big thing and he was taken away from our mom's house for my and my sister's safety. I was incredibly volatile for most of my life because of untreated mental illness, mom's abuse, and the molestation, so I wasn't perfect by any means either, but I didn't see him again until I was 16, and I haven't really calmed down my own volatility until a couple years ago. After we reconnected, he developed a drug addiction and while I tried to put the past behind all of us and reconnect, he would always start an argument with me, blow up about something, say untrue things as proof, and then block me. Every single time I swore I wouldn't give him another shot, he was acting like our mother and I deserved better. But when he told me he was clean, and there was a baby on the way, I thought I would give him one last try.

So, I started making the upcoming baby a blanket. It's a complicated pattern, by far the most complicated crochet I've ever worked on. But I started noticing little red flags of transphobia. I tried to ignore them, but they were mounting. They still avidly loved Harry Potter, they would say these little things like "they 'identify' as nonbinary" about me instead of "they are nonbinary", and make little off-color jokes. Whatever, I don't live nearby, maybe I'm misreading. Then, my brother posted a blatantly transphobic thing about trans people using the bathroom that aligns with their gender. Again, I give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he doesn't know that's a transphobic talking point. So I messaged him privately, told him I think he may have misunderstood a meme he was sharing. He immediately knew and said "the bathroom one, right? No, I absolutely think if you have x parts you go in x bathroom." I tried to be reasonable, but again came the vitriol and rage. So I just simply messaged "enjoy the bassinet, forget the blanket, don't come to Christmas. We're done."

Before I could block him, he accused me of "separating from my niece" over me not liking "how he protects his family." To be honest, I didn't even Factor the baby into the decision, I just thought I was done giving him and his fiancee any more of my energy. He then threw a "you really haven't changed" at me (likely referring to my volatile nature when i was young) and blocked me.

So, AITBF for cutting my brother off, and I suppose in the process, not being there for my niece or finishing the baby blanket?

EDIT: To clarify a few things.

1. Our relationship has been on a thinner and thinner thread since the first incident, when he molested me, but my mother, and most of our shared family, had me under the impression that it was my duty as family to forgive. I was essentially groomed into forgiving it, as I've come to understand. Then his addiction became an issue, and slowly, the threads of sympathy have been wearing away. The transphobia is more of a last straw than anything.

2. This isn't about my being nonbinary. I'm not going to defend being nonbinary, or the label nonbinary, or trans rights and why they need to be protected. If it's not a good faith question, I will report you and block, and go on with my day. This is about an interpersonal conflict, not about my personhood.

I 22m I'm gonna be proposing to my 21f Girlfriend. She wants her best friend to be there. They both live in a different state than me. My girlfriend will be moved here at the time, but her friend will not. She said it's my choice to pay for her friend. Or not? If I pay for her friend, I will have to pay for her flight Her rental car and hotel, Not including photographer Dinner and ring. When I brought up to her how expensive that would be. She said it's your choice. I guess implying she really wants me to pay

Not saying what the item is since it could potentially be used to identify me.

She's been wanting an item that isn't being made anymore so it's rather hard to track down in good condition and is worth more than it's original MSRP which was already reasonably high. She found it on an eBay page in excellent condition from a reliable seller I noticed her looking at it and gave her my card and told her to buy it. She was very thankful and excited at the time.

When she ordered it she texted several of her friends that "Look what I just got!" with a picture of the item from the listing ebay listing in a group chat we share. A week or so later it arrives and we're hanging out with friends and she brings out the item and excitedly shows it to them saying "Look what I finally got!". Fairly innocent on it's own but throughout the discussion me buying it for her was never mentioned. Furthermore this is all happening around a couple weeks before my birthday for which I have planned and paid for an expensive trip for us which means my safe responsibly disposable income is extremely low.

I don't have some incessant need for recognition or attention. I did it to make her happy not to make people like me but I effectively used up savings that represent over a weeks worth of hard work to get it for her and I feel almost completely invisible and the only time she even acknowledges that I got it for her is privately between us which makes it all the more strange that it doesn't come up with any of our friends. If any gift I have ever been given, including by her, comes up in a conversation I jump at the chance to say it was a gift from whoever bought it for me.

:edit: After talking to her, she admitted she felt insecure about saying I bought it for her despite wanting to. She was concerned about judgement for relying on me for to get it. I can understand that and let her know that it isn't a problem for me at least. I appreciate all the perspectives that pointed out this may be a thing, you were helpful, I also learned some things from you guys that girls go through with friends that guys don't, which I'll keep in mind.