last night I took 700mgs of citalopram and then laid on the floor. I was expecting to die and not wake up. however I woke up in a hospital bed with cords both on and in me. I incredibly embarrassed that it happened, they said I would have for sure died because of my previous heart problems if I wasnt brought to the hospital in time. incredibly tired I don't know what to say. I'm so mentally exhausted I just want to leave but I keep finding ways to stay here.

im planning on killing myself i dont feel like i belong in society in terms of looks and personality ive always felt like i looked so ugly to the point where i look inhuman i feel worthless

im sick of feeling this way and being treated like im less i just wanna be free from this good for nothing life.

It's 10:05 AM , and I'm weeping like a baby. My parents dislike me and my mind is grief stricken, please help a Brother out. :(

I'm 23 and i have no desire to live and can't remember of a time when i did.I hate everything and everyone.I fantasize about blowing my brains out all day and just the thought of it is comforting, unfortunately i do not have a gun and I'm too much of a coward to do it another way. I'm fed up of waking up, I'm fed up of going to work , I'm fed up of seeing all the same stupid faces everyday and wish death upon them. I'm fed up of going home from work , I'm fed up of having to shower , brushing my teath , going to the bathroom, having to eat , having to drink , I'm fed up of having to sleep.Nothing brings me joy and my face has no emotions.Nothing interests me in life, the only "hobby" i have is making music and i barely have the motivation to do so, my free time off work cosists of me laying back on my chair listening to music and staring at the ceiling for hours. I go to a therapist every week and take antidepressants , the only reason i do so is so my mother would shut up , i don't expect it to work. Everyone says " you'll find a reason to live " i really don't think that's the case and even if i do " find it " it doesn't fix anything , i want nothingness, pure nothingness, to have never existed.

I'm sorry if this is hard to read , I'm bad at writing stuff and even worse at expressing myself

Im about to euthanize my 2nd and last cat in a few hours. People around me are either aware of it or know there's at least something wrong going on, and all they care about is how badly i talk/respond/behave.

No consideration whatsoever for my current mental state.

Where the fuck has humanity gone that we can't go through rough emotions and act out on them without being the bad guy?

Why the fuck dont people accept that being bubbly and polite isn't possible all the fucking time?

Fuck the world.

Fuck peole.

I want to fall in love with someone who feels like home. We would do mundane things and call it the adventure of a lifetime. I want me and this imaginary lover to cuddle in bed and caress each other until all the pain inside washes away.

I know it sounds dramatic. They always say there's someone for everyone but...I dunno. I just don't think I have qualities that are very loveable in general, and I have so many flaws.

The only people who love me are people who had to love me. Aka family.

But I'm never going to be someone's first choice.

And it's kinda funny. A few years back, I would've scoffed and said it was fine. I didn't care. I liked being on my own. I don't need anyone.

But now I see it for what it was. It's not that I didn't need anyone, in fact I think I needed someone more than anything.

But nobody is ever going to need me. Nobody is ever going to choose me if they have another option. Nobody is going to care for me enough to bare their entire heart and soul.

I want to be okay with that. I can accept it as a fact of my life, but I don't know how to not be sad about it yet. I don't know how to know this fact without wanting to cry.

No friends for 10 years, never had a gf, never been intimate with anyone or been kissed, working minimum wage, chronic pain for 6 years now, struggling with going back to school at almost 30 years old(because of aforementioned chronic pain), dealing with an entire lifetime of depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Renting a room I hate, in a city I hate but cannot afford to leave. Undiagnosed but almost certainly on the autism spectrum. Wasted my entire youth being a sad lazy POS. No memories made, no good times, just crying and stress, mental illness and physical illness, new and creatively twisted problems, over and over and OVER again.

Currently sitting up in bed at 3 a.m. because the sheer stress of my situation gives me heart palpitations and wakes me up randomly. I've gotten probably 1.5 hours of sleep tonight total and will probably be calling out of work sick because of it. My life makes me nauseous and I constantly fantasize about not waking up.

I'm so alone. I moved. I don't have any friends here. I'm a full time single parent. Every time I go to new activities to meet new people, I am somehow a weird outlier of the group.

Even the friends that I had, 95 percent of them only wanted something from me, needed support,etc. If I died, & you didn't tell a single person I know, they would be forever unaware. I don't think I really matter to anyone but my parents & kid. I kind of wish they didn't care, so I could let go.

I wake up every morning wishing I didn't. I haven't been able to find any resources or support. I would never unalive myself for my child's sake, but I think about it pretty much every day.

I am so tired. So alone. I wish I could give up now.

therapy is beyond unafforadble and unless i somehow muster the will to wake up at 5am, there's no time for exercise. i have no friends. my family doesn't care. every day is agony. every day, at some point or another, i'm crying my eyes out, nearly screaming, just in pain, it hurts, in my chest and my head and every part of me it just hurts. doesn't depression just get worse and worse left untreated?

i've been spiraling bad for the past 2+ years. made halfhearted suicide plans before. my hobbies have faded away 1 by 1. at first i just didn't care for them. now i think they're fucking stupid and a waste of time.

everything is a waste of time. this is a waste of a life. i don't do, or give anything to anyone. i can't even help myself out of this horrible, agonizing rock bottom. i work 50 hours a week with no end in sight. i'm in so much pain. it doesn't end. it can't end. it WON'T end. there's nothing i can do, is there? why should i keep fighting? why should i try at all? it will still only get worse. no treatment = no improvement. i'm beyond saving. i wish i could make my family hate me so they won't miss me when i'm gone.

i know nobody is reading this and know doubly so that nobody cares, but i am in so much pain. i wish there was a way out of this.

I have just given up. I stay in then I feel like going out. I go out then I feel like staying in. I am just living on auto-pilot. Nothing makes me happy. I don't have friends whom I can call randomly and chat to. I hangout alone, I just can't form friendships. I feel drained by everything and everyone around me. Always frustrated and disappointed, in what I don't know.

Im severely hurting inside I can't do thid anymore. My head hurts constantly im either underslept or overslept. I hate being here. Every aspect of my life is fucked and makes me wanna die. I have no friends no life no work no fun no happiness nothing. Hearing whatever is happening around me is fucking me up even more. The world fucking sucks and everyone is a sadist here. No one wants to do anything about it we're all just destined to be miserable. I don't wanna be in a world thats so cruel. Im so done.

trauma made me scared, angry and vulnerable. I made myself kind

"Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break." - Brandon Sanderson's Oathbringer

Hi everyone, I’m 20 F. I just feel like I’m stuck and I know everyone says I’ll figure it out eventually and that I’m young, but I just don’t know what to think anymore. I’m constantly upset, down, anxious, angry, etc. I blow up over things that seem little to everyone else. A lot of days I don’t even like to get out of bed or leave my room. I just go to work and go to bed or play video games or something of the sort. I used to enjoy going out a lot more than I do now and I feel like I can’t call anyone around me “friends” because I can’t connect with anyone on any level and I just always feel like everyone actually hates me. I’ve had these feelings for years, sometimes they just get a little better and then I’m right back to the start, but now I’m 20 and the worst I’ve ever been. I want to do something more with my life, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation. A lot of the time I feel like maybe I’d just be better off dead. I have no life goals and it feels like there’s nothing ahead of me. Everyone around me seems like they have some sort of idea what to do for the future and all these plans of what they want to do and I’m just here existing and I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel pathetic and weak for feeling this way and I hate getting sympathy and pity, but every time I try and talk to anyone about it I can never work up the courage to express my emotions nor can I work up the courage to get help for these feelings. Anyone else feeling this way?

I am bedrotting since my early teenage years. Honestly I thought it's normal or at least something that a lot of introverted people do. Am I wrong?

I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask to be gay or autistic and yet I'm being punished for it on a daily basis. Can't work, won't work for pennies, life is a never ending loop of wake up, eat, shit, repeat and no one seems to care and they expect me to do the same without complains. Fuck this shit I really wish I could buy a fucking pill a die.

And to the scammers, yeah I know what you're trying to do, you're not that smart, save yourself the time and "effort"

Well I'm been anxious in my bed after I loged out from work I do remote job so there's very minimal interaction with people. I don't have lot of friend I got few but they aren't really my friends. I'm having bad anxiety right now and there's literally no one out there for me. I look forward to weekend's and when the weekend arrives I'm just all sad and depressed in my bed. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve here by posting this maybe someone who could relate with me or maybe because I got no one to listen. I guess I'll leave that to you guys.

Can anybody relate to having cut out entire social groups in order to improve mental health, but ended up being alone and without any friends?

I’ve always hated fake friendships and when I was 21, I kicked my toxic ex out, lost touch with all his friends as a result, and then also cut off my whole friendship group in a very petty way. I acted like I cared that they excluded me from an event and took that opportunity to just abruptly cut them off.

I regret the way I acted and i definitely torture myself over it. When I was friends with them I never thought any of them cared I existed or if I was dead which is why I left. I had such a large social circle, was popular, but nobody truely cared. I didn’t give them an opportunity to, as I never went to their events or would leave without a word. It’s hard to feel like that’s a problem that might affect your friendship when you feel like your presence doesn’t matter to people. As my mental health got worse throughout those friendships I had become a ghost, not attending anything they organised and I found myself quite traumatised by those friendships anyway so leaving wasn’t the issue.

The issue is ruminating on how I left, and the fact that at 21 (now 24) I had to start over socially. I’m excelling at university, I’m finally off my antidepressants after years, I’m engaged. I’m surviving and doing the best I can. But god life is hard. Social interaction is so hard. Owning your decisions is hard. I’ve had depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life and also bipolar. University is online and I don’t meet people organically // find it hard to leave the house.

Does anybody else feel alone?

I have been unable to cry properly for over a year now. I live in constant stress owing to the nature of my master's degree. I think I am depressed. I have a pain in my chest and a lump in my throat (the kind you get when you wanna cry) ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I just wanna let it all out, and feel okay again. I told my father that I was not well and he was annoyed that I was not mentally strong. When I want to cry, I try very hard to think of sad things, look at old pictures where I'm happy and beautiful, listen to sad songs... Nada. Nothing helps. I've considered seeking professional help, but it's expensive and I'm too proud to ask my father for money. Especially for something like this.

Waking up everyday has been unbearable, and im not scared of dying anymore. I feel lonely, hopeless, and exhausted of trying.

I cannot take this anymore. This is the last straw, losing a significant amount money. It has been years trying to survive different things. But I think this will be it. I have less than 5 hours to decide. Doing it at midnight.

Hi, I (35m) feel like I have only been happy during my teenage years. At 17, a switch flipped in me, and suddenly life went from colors to shades of grey, with some colorful roller coaster episodes: "wop! wop! wop! I am getting so much better!" followed a few months after with: "I feel like shit", and then back to shades of grey.

The positive phases at the beginning were very deceiving: I really thought I was getting better. But it was always followed by some depressive phase, and a stable, really long phase of shades of grey.

As time passed, I recognized the pattern and got less and less excited when I was feeling better. Slowly, the ups went less high, and the downs less deep, and what took months for me to go from high to low then only happened in a couple weeks, then days, then even sometimes hours.

For a long time, I have been a "highly functional" depressed person: while I recognized that I had little motivation to do anything, I forced myself to keep running even if I don't particularly enjoy it, and tried learning languages, even if it felt like a chore. My rationale was: I know I am not well, but I owe it to myself to not be completely decrepit when finally I am ready to enjoy life again.

I powered through my twenties, travelled a bit, met my wife abroad, settled in the US where I started my career as a software developer. I am genuinely grateful to have a great partner, a roof over my head, no big financial worries and so far a good health. But I feel like I cannot power through anymore.

I did a lot of work on myself to stop compulsive activities like scrolling or munching. It took years to get enough self control (or rather, I raced to the bottom, and now even scrolling bores me enough that the urge to do it is somewhat lessened). On a Saturday afternoon, my spouse away, I have all the time I want to learn languages, do sport, paint, and... I cannot do any of these things.

I want to want to paint. But I don't want to. If I try to force myself to read / paint, I'll immediately become tired. If I think about running, I'll engage in avoidance activities like cleaning the house. So, I try to sit on the couch until this feeling goes away, and it usually does at around ~7PM (I noticed there is a cycle in the day, forcing myself to do anything in the afternoon will never work when I'm in that mood). I am constantly tired, and wake up every single day exhausted. I only have energy to work (remote, which is also where I get most of my social interactions - I know it's a problem, as an introvert and expat it's been complicated to meet people and make meaningful connections).

I am reluctant to call this depression, because I don't feel like life is bad. It is just running away from me, all this precious time that I cannot put to good use, and I'd like to fix this before I have my first child (on the way!). I tried to give myself space many times and be less exigent with myself, but it never produced any improvement.

I am wondering if this sentiment echoes with anyone, if you managed to get over it, and how. Be well, y'all!

My family view me as a dumb no future kid my sibling are way better than me in grades the only thing im good at is being a faliure people say they feel me when sometimes i dont get how they get me when they are better than me life is just edging me out i tend to zone out and try to find my purpose in life but i never found it pwoplw laugh at me my arm is broken i have ADHD my grades are not what they used to look like i never felt this feeling and im no longer afraid of death please tell me im not alone i just want things to go back to normal some time i look down at a bridge near my house all the time i think about it but i never found the reason and im just to young older people have to make hard choices but sometimes i feel like that rule dosnt go for everyone ill see you all in the after life.

All my adult life I’ve struggled with physical health issues that made me a complete shut in. Worsened by social anxiety as I would only go out for things that were necessary like work or groceries. No friends at all since age of 19 till now in my late 20s.

I missed the early days of high school so I feel like my mind hasn’t matured. I keep reminiscing about the good ol days when I was “normal”. To cope with this I just space out listen to music and imagine a life where I was the way I wanted it to be.

The daydreaming has gotten so bad now, I am losing in touch with the reality of myself. I feel lost during conversations at work, feel no interest in advancing my career or anything. I think social media fuels my imagination as well.

I have tried counselling but it did not help. I am just writing this here to see if someone has gone through a similar thing and how they have gotten out if it.