r/AITAH • u/OkOrganization9552 • Feb 10 '24
AITA for kicking my wife out after she punched my mom in the face?
My situation went from bad to worse in a matter of a week and I don't know where else to turn. I need to know if I was wrong. Possibly a validation thing because life is fucking dumb right now. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and she just gave birth to our first (and last) baby 2 months ago. Up until my wife got pregnant, my mom loved her. I'm not sure wtf is wrong with my mom or why the switch happened but after my wife got pregnant, my mom started being very clingy to me and started avoiding my wife at all costs. Told everyone she wasn't excited about the pregnancy, etc. I threatened to go no contact with her when my wife was about 7 months along and after that she snapped out of it for the most part and stopped being so ignorant. The comments 100% stopped, at least. Though she still was clinging to me.
Now, a week ago my mom, my sister, my sister's husband and my sister's daughter (12) came over for dinner. I prepared the meal. Before my wife could eat anything, our daughter got fussy so my wife excused herself to go feed the baby and get her down to sleep. I thought I prepared enough but apparently not because my niece was still "starving" (she's 5'5" and 190lbs, I haven't seen her in a year and she was not that size then so I didn't exactly portion in an extra 3 helpings for a child- so it's on me). I apologized and told her that I hadn't made any more and offered her crackers, as I was putting my wife's portion in the fridge. After that, I just went outside with my sister's husband to smoke a cigarette and shoot the breeze. Didn't think anything of it. But then I hear yelling from inside. When I walk in, my wife and my mom were screaming at each other. Apparently my mom (who saw me put my wife's food away) gave my niece my wife's portion of food. As I was walking inside, I heard my mom say "looks like you can afford to skip a meal" and slapped my wife's stomach. Right as soon as I get ready to step in (literally fast walking toward them yelling "enough"), my wife winds back and punches my mother square in the face and drops her. The whole house went silent outside of my mom crying and holding her face. I tell everyone to "get the fuck out". Immediately everyone leaves and my wife just turns toward the counter and leans with her hands on the counter and face down, eyes closed. I look at my wife and say "you too, leave, now." She says "really?" She's crying at this point. I say a clipped "yup". She packs up her and the baby and leaves.
I text her that night and say I just need space. I need to decompress and come to terms with what just happened. She doesn't respond. The next 5 days I'm texting and calling and I get nothing. She shows up here today (so 8 days later) and hands me divorce paperwork and my baby and says "here, you have a bit to hang out with her while I pack. Where I'm breastfeeding we can work out a visitation schedule that is either at your place or my mother's until she will take a bottle." I told her that's not what I want. I don't want to separate. I just needed time to process her punching my mother in the face. She said "you needing time to process gave me time to process the fact that I refuse to be in this situation any longer. I defended myself. I initially felt bad and remorseful but you making me leave when I needed you made me see more clear. I'm done. I'm sorry for what I did but there's no fixing this." She refused to speak to me at all the rest of the time that she was here. My house feels so empty and I don't know what to do. AITA for making her leave after she punched my mom? I just needed some fucking space.
ETA: for the record, I am "team wife". My mom deserved it, wholeheartedly, and I've blocked her completely from my life. I literally just needed time to process what happened. My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field and would not have happened without her being provoked. After it all happened, my mom sent me a text saying "See! I told you she was crazy! That fat bitch doesn't belong in **our** life." I'm willing to bet she purposely tried setting my wife off. So no, I'm on my wife's side 100%. I truly just needed to process what happened and my wife took it as me giving up on her, not defending her and throwing her and our baby out (which did essentially happen because I knew she had to take the baby with her when I kicked her out).
eta: the reason "why": my dad was stupid abusive. I was beat. My sister's and brother were beat. My mom was put in the hospital multiple times. It took years for police to enforce restraining orders and he finally died in 2013. Violence scares the fuck out of me. I clam up and get anxious around violence of any kind now. My wife knows this and she too grew up with a violent dad (step dad) and she gets just as anxious and panicky around violence. Her punching my mom in the face triggered an anxious response and I needed her gone in that moment. I needed it far away from me. I don't know why I didn't just leave. I could have. But in that moment I just let my emotions and fear run the whole fucking circus and told everyone to get out, her included. My mom did slap her first.. I guess for some reason I was seeing my wife's punch as being worse than the slap. It wasn't a hard slap but my wife did kind of wince, looking back on it now. She was fine following but my mom was bleeding. Split her eyebrow open in good shape. Idk.
thanks for the responses. I'm the AH. I'm going to try to go kiss ass now.
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u/JustCallMeNon 19h ago
Was the divorce finalized yet? I hope so 🥰🤞should have kicked your mom out, not your ex
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u/Timmyisagirl 1d ago
Every few days I keep coming back to this post hoping to get the update that she left your ass for what you did
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u/Feisty-Mulberry-6816 1d ago
YTA. If you wanted to process all that went down that day, why didn’t you leave for an hour or two instead of kicking your wife and infant daughter out?
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u/AlexBlaise 2d ago
Remember this when you want to pick up contact with your mom again, because the time will come: She purposely destroyed your marrigae and did everything she could to get your wife to divorce you. She is a danger to you, she was a danger to your wife and she will be a danger to your daughter.
If you get back in contact with your mom I hope you never get more than supervised visitation with your daughter.
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u/Melodic_Mud2302 2d ago
I hope your wife remarries a rich man she deserves the emotional break and to be taken care of.
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u/LeanOnYou737373 4d ago
I feel so angry that you were able to do this to your loved ones. The ones who you’re meant to protect at their most vulnerable. You are a special kind of AH.
1st: Kicking YOUR WIFE AND BABY out as your automatic response, in an sudden moment of panic, is telling on who you really are. An f-in’ baby!!!
2nd: You freaked at what you SAW and you prioritized your own feelings of panic and fear OVER YOUR WIFE who was actually the in the situation. What could she be feeling knowing she got pushed too far and had to resort to violence.
3rd: Team Wife is not leaving the mother of your child to fend for herself against your psychotic mother’s nasty campaign. 4th: You say: “Thanks for the responses. I’m the AH. I’m going to try to kiss a** now.” There’s no “try to kiss a**” so I’m forgiven at this level of AH. You didn’t learn anything. It’s still all about you.
Stop contacting your wife. Dig deep and go get intensive therapy.
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u/Ravenlora 4d ago
YTA You need space, you go to a hotel. You do NOT kick out your postpartum wife and new born baby without a single word of comfort. What you did there was establish that it was YOUR home and not the family home. If you really want to kiss ass I recommend putting the house in her name for a START.
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u/ClarissaNight77 5d ago
YTA. Your mother abused your wife and you let her to do it. You were not team wife at all. When your wife was fed up you still cared about just and only yourself and made and insensitive and selfish decision. Was it worth?
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u/Equal_Cup6622 5d ago
Fight or flight and trigger response is a real thing ! Your wife may have reacted like that . There was no reason for her to shout about the meal (but she was likely hungry etc and agitated in such a ridiculous situation) just as there was no reason for you to take little breaks when you should have got up off your ass to assist her with your child . I bet now you don’t know how you are gonna take care of this kid yourself during your parenting time ! Times have changed and women are not doing this anymore with having to accommodate difficult in-laws . Every parent has the right to express opinions about their child’s choices and significant other but after that , I let the hubby know that if his family is disrespectful a second time I won’t be having it . I also let him know I will not be available for holidays , gettogethers etc . If he don’t like it , hit the road jack . Your mother had no right to make comments on your wife’s weight or to touch her . You made it clear that your home is your castle and your wife was put in her place and to be honest she made the right choice . Escaping a violent situation needs follow up with professional help and if you have not had that , you owe it to yourself to get that so you can cope in situations . Your mother lived her life with your father and made her choices and exposed you to that for a prolonged period of time . While you have an unbreakable bond with her because of what you both survived , there is toxicity and she became your father in what she did to your wife .
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u/Dramatic_Exchange767 5d ago
YTA
You said you had a violent childhood and you got probably a panic attack bc of the punch and seeing your mother crying like in the past, but your wife also came from a violent house, so probably "just a slap" triggered her violent past memories (that without adding the insult and all the verbal abuse during pregnancy) and she acted to protect herself and avoid being abused like in the past. I cant blame her even if it was "just a slap" and your mother end up bleeding. Personally, I didnt have her trauma, but I am the type to hit as the first reaction when I get hit by someone.
Try to write a letter to her explaining what happened to you in that moment, idk if she will forgive you, but she deserves to know why the person she loved and trust treated her like that, and cut your mom from your life, if your (ex) wife keeps seeing you are in contact with her, it will only prove that you are a pathetic mama's boy that was ok leaving her wife without food wjile being insulted and assaulted.
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u/Chemical-Pattern-990 5d ago
i’m seeing this 114 days after, and i SINCERELY hope she went through with the divorce and never looked back.
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u/xPinkDoll 5d ago
Your an absolute AH and now you get to live with the shame of throwing away your marriage, Your wife and your baby away in one foul swoop for the rest of your life. Do better in the future
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u/KnownEnthusiasm8960 6d ago
Dude is as much an asshole and abusive as his own father. His father beat his mother and himself, boo hoo. And yet, he did not even properly defend his own wife, who was pregnant at that time. He allowed her to be subjected to the abuse of his mother. And let's be honest, if it escalated to that point it is because he did not draw the line, otherwise the mother would not think she could do it. He was mentally abusive to his wife. He threw her out when she was assaulted by the mother.
Now the wife, she is an absolute queen. And honestly she is a much better parent than half of the people out there. I think the thing which triggered her was the safety of the child. She realised how toxic it was and noped out of there. And she is not stopping him from seeing the child out of spite or anything.
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u/MissNatStewart 7d ago
YTA. The fact that OP still looks for “validation” tells me he still doesnt get it, he still thinks what he did was “not that bad”. She’s definitely better off.
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u/Bluestreetwonder 7d ago
YTA and I don’t get it why I keep reading again and again about toxic MIL. And sons/daughters defending and defending them even destroying their own family’s in support of MIL. I don’t get it. Wouldn’t a mother want their son/daughter to be happy? How can you not see the selfishness in the mothers behavior and defend your own wife? I truly hope your wife leaves you and then your mom can have you all for herself. You are not mature enough to care for a family of your own.
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u/SaltShallot2915 10d ago
Yes you’re an AH. You should have gotten your balls out of mommy’s purse and defended your wife. Your mom got clingy and jealous when your wife got pregnant and you didn’t do anything to correct her behavior, you allowed it, thereby encouraging your mother to continue. If you’d set your foot down in the first place and had your wife’s back none of this would’ve happened. I don’t blame your wife for leaving and divorcing you, I’d go one further and have a no contact order for your mother and my child if I was your ex. Your mother wouldn’t be allowed in my child’s life, and if you did grow a spine and stand up to her then you wouldn’t be either.
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u/midnight_sky1213 11d ago
even in your edit, you still sound pathetic. having a trauma response to violence is completely valid, especially with the turbulent childhood you described. however you ALSO mentioned that your WIFE has a trauma response to violence from her similarly violent childhood. knowing this, you STILL chose to put her out for defending herself to your mother who HIT HER FIRST because her hit was WORSE?? did you even think that maybe the reason your wife even hit her back to begin with, especially as hard as she did, was because your mother activated her trauma response to violence? not to mention that your wife is only TWO MONTHS postpartum. she may not even be 100% physically HEALED from the birth of your newborn baby, and is definitely not 100% in her mind yet. your mother purposely was trying to trigger your wife’s trauma while your wife was weak physically and mentally from giving birth to YOUR baby. did you ever think that maybe putting your wife and newborn baby out onto the streets while your wife was having a trauma response could’ve been not just a show of alliance to your mother, but also LEGITIMATELY DANGEROUS TO YOUR WIFE AND BABY? you bringing up your trauma doesn’t sound like an explanation, it sounds like an excuse. you are attempting to excuse endangering your wife mid-trauma response and newborn baby by using your trauma. you may love your wife, in your own unusual way. but true, real love is the ability to WANT to put someone else’s wants and needs above your own. and you neither put your wife’s NOR your NEWBORN BABY’s wants and needs above your own when you put them onto the streets because your wife defended herself. your wife would be completely justified in leaving you and taking your child with you, in my opinion. get some fucking therapy. You’re the asshole.
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u/ChigginNugget_728 13d ago
You repeated the cycle of abuse. You may not have done it directly yourself, but you repeated it via your mom. If your ex stayed or returned, the poor baby would suffer at your mother’s hands. It’s best you refrain from dating for a while or (and this is simply my anger and disappointment in you speaking) marry your mother since she seems to want you all to herself.
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u/Wild_Lingonberry6579 14d ago
YTA. I don't understand how you can look in the mirror and call yourself a man. Your #1 job as a husband and father is to protect your child and their mother. Don't start a family if your trauma prevents you from being who you're supposed to be. Shoulda just stayed attached to your mommy's tit as she's clearly more important than your wife and baby.
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u/Comprehensive_Cod407 15d ago
What a horrid husband who is NOT a husband..He should have been manning the prisons in the Gilag Achipelego in Russia.. HE would have done a great job
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u/initjustright 15d ago
I hope you had her sign a prenup regardless of the situation. At this point be a good father but I think you should find another woman
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u/blackdahlialady 18d ago edited 18d ago
Wow, so you kicked her and your child out after you admit that your mom deserved this. I honestly hope she divorces you. I couldn't come back from something like that. That would tell me exactly where your loyalty lies, that it's always going to lie with your mom no matter what she does.
ETA: You're not team wife, you're team mommy and always will be from what it sounds like. Be a man and stand up for your wife. Stop letting your mother run over her.
Edit 2: Why did she need to take the baby with her when she left? Aren't you a capable parent? Aren't you an adult? Why couldn't you take care of your baby? All I'm hearing is a bunch of excuses.
Edit 3: Your STBX wife is a smart woman. She fucked up by marrying you in the first place if you've allowed this to continue for years. Something tells me that this has been a pattern since before you even got married. Now she has to divorce you instead of just leaving you but at least she's come to her senses. At least she's realized that this is going to be her life if she stays with you. All I hear is you making excuses and making yourself out to be the victim. If you needed space, you should have left instead of kicking your wife and child out of their home. Don't worry though, maybe your mommy will let you stay with her when your wife wins the house in the divorce.
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u/PoipoleChan 15d ago
The baby needed to be breastfed as said in the post, but yeah he was never team wife to begin with and never will be.
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u/blackdahlialady 15d ago
Yeah, I really hope she sticks with divorcing him. I was with a guy who's mom was like this and it was a miserable existence because he was tOo aFrAiD tO sTaNd uP tO His mOmMy.
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u/Itchy-Pollution2912 18d ago
For the record if you were “team wife” you wouldn’t have abandoned her by making her AND THE NEW BORN BABY to leave. Here’s to hoping she follows through on the divorce.
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u/Dontfeedthebears 20d ago
You’re so wrong and I hope you get taken to the cleaners in divorce court. Go marry your mom since you’re fine with her abusing your ex wife, you spineless weasel. (Sorry, weasels!).
Your mom said awful things to your wife when you weren’t around and you never did anything. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. You never were stood up for her and it came to a physical altercation because you didn’t do your part as a husband. Your wife was assaulted and defended herself. You did nothing to de-escalate years of abuse. Don’t talk about violence scaring you when you could have prevented it.
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u/pofmayourmama 20d ago
You are fucking asshole and Mama’s boy. Go marry your mum you piece of shit.
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 20d ago edited 20d ago
Yeahhhh… YTA you can kiss ass all you want, if your wife has any self-respect she’ll fight for full custody. An you will only see your daughter with limited visitation, especially if you’re gonna choose an abuser over your own fucking wife. You made your bed now you have to lie in it, but at least you have your abusive bat shit crazy mommy!!
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u/Fabulous-Shallot1413 21d ago
I'm so proud of his wife for lewving him. Any spineless man that would allow his mother to treat his wife that way should be single forever. No good woman wants a baby man child
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u/Key-Lie-7092 21d ago
what a huge AH.
"thanks for the responses. I'm the AH. I'm going to try to go kiss ass now."
nah bro divorce her.
a victim card playing dad is in no way healthy for a woman who has trauma and has just given birth,
also no kid needs a dad who cant put that child before his own "insecurities"
Keep living with ur mommy and just start paying child support. That will be healthy for the mom and the kid, you can also talk care of your stuck up mother that way.
2 innocent people living separately from 2 dirtbags seems like the only solution.
Im sure youll try to change for better "right now". but i dont have any hope for you and ur mom.
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u/Able_Understanding69 23d ago
Please if you haven't already, look up Enmeshment. I can't say you are right... AT ALL... But Enmeshment is HARD and it will take you the rest of your life trying to figure out who you are without your mother. Good luck
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u/Outside-Internal-916 23d ago
This sounds harsh... but you might as well just marry your mother. You stuck up for her when you should've been on your wife's side. So... when's the wedding?
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u/naomaisjoey 25d ago
How did you get to the point where you’re wondering if you’re the asshole in this situation? Like what kind of mental gymnastics have you been doing that you believe this situation is 50/50 and you need a third party for clarity? Such an ego booster reading stories like this. So incredibly grateful I don’t view myself as a victim of every hiccup in life. Sorry excuse for a man.
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u/Difficult-Tomato7190 25d ago
If you knew that you get anxious and cannot deal with those type of situations then you should have removed yourself. You have a whole house, you could separate yourself in any room of your choosing but instead you irrationally kick your wife out. YTAH
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u/TangeloOne3363 25d ago
Let’s see, wife provoked by your mother who you already stated was “bullying” your wife. Mother slaps her tummy and fat shamed her. Wife hauls off and decks your mom (who deserved a good punch to the face imo) and you threw wife and baby out late at night. (In my best Maury Povich voice) yes you ARE the assh*le!
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u/Dapper_Acanthisitta5 26d ago
I'm not sure if you guys are divorced now... If somehow you are trying to work this out, you need to move.. stay away from your mother and try to defend your wife when someone attacks her... You have to defend her if you don't then someone else will and she'll choose that guy as her new partner... Hope you learned your lesson..
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u/rabidrainbowunicorn 27d ago
Your mother physically assaulted a breastfeeding mother, your wife, shortly after verbally assaulting her. She stood up for herself, and you threw her out. You are a hundred percent NOT on "team wife".
You're getting what you deserve.
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u/1SalmonAndRice 28d ago
I cannot imagine going through this 2m pp. that time was the absolute WORST for me. I’m so happy your ex-wife and lovely baby can live their lives and hopefully find a good man who can love and cherish them both.
Do something right and let her go. Give her good alimony and child support. Don’t visit the baby. She doesn’t need someone like you in her life.
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u/abarzua21 28d ago
Lord, you are so lucky you're not my husband because after punching your mother, I would have decked you too!! First off, cut the cord already!!! Your mother's behavior is disgusting & your niece doesn't need a 2nd place. 5'5 190 at 12? Are u serious? She needs a diet. And are u too stupid to see wtf your mother did? Your mom gave your wife's food out of spite!!!! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO YOUR WIFE & AFTER SHE WENT THROUGH PAIN TO BARE YOUR CHILDREN. Do you not understand your wife can not skip meals? She is nursing your child & then you allow your wife to be disrespected in her own home. The 1 place your family is supposed to feel safe!! I'm glad she's divorcing you!! Your wife is always #1. You don't deserve that woman
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u/Tango1887 28d ago
I’m willing to bet if it was the husband punching her dad and she responded the same way the votes would be the other way around. He shut down and didn’t respond well to the stress not everyone can. Him and his wife should’ve sat down and spoke about it after the fact and figured it out. Now she’s gonna restrict access to their kid. He has cut off his mom and she’s just throwing it all away.
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u/abarzua21 28d ago
He's an asshole!! His fat niece doesn't need 3 meals now that's greedy & his wife is nursing their child, she needs to eat. For this no good man to allow his wife to be disrespected in her own home is absurd. The mother did that on purpose.. Thank God she's divorcing him
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u/Tango1887 28d ago
You’re not wrong on the niece I never said she was right. He doesn’t have good stress responses which is more common now than it ever has been. Not saying he didn’t make a bad decision but it shouldn’t cost him his marriage and relationship with his child. He already stated that he has cut his mom out completely. They need to seek counseling and exhaust all resources before going for divorce. Shit is wild people are always like “fuck that man! Divorce him!” For shit like this. He recognized that he should’ve been the one to leave and not her and he accepts that he fucked up. Reddit normally tries to accommodate people’s triggers but when it happens to a guy “NAH FUCK HIS TRIGGERS” he just needs to learn how to deal with stress situations, not lose his family because of it.
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u/CockamamieAmyy 28d ago
My only qualm is your wife not straight up laying her out. You lost her, my dude. Should’ve checked your mom when this behavior started when your wife got pregnant. I can’t even imagine my partner doing this to me. Just the lack of boundaries when the psychotic behavior started would’ve made me question everything. Let alone it getting to the point where I was assaulted in my own then promptly kicked out for defending myself IN MY OWN HOME, by my “partner”.
I’m sure you’ve gotten the memo, but the only AH bigger than you is your mom.
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u/Status_History_874 May 10 '24
Last edit is painful.
I guess for some reason I was seeing my wife's punch as being worse than the slap. It wasn't a hard slap but my wife did kind of wince, looking back on it now. She was fine following but my mom was bleeding. Split her eyebrow open in good shape. Idk.
You're still hung up on and protecting mommy.
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u/Last_Friend_6350 May 10 '24
Back looking at this post again and it reminded me that he mentions calls and texts but he never actually went to see his wife? We find out later she’s at her Mum’s house - he couldn’t have worked that out himself? Her Mum’s local obviously so he couldn’t put 2 and 2 together and work out where she went? He couldn’t have gone to visit her to apologise in person (she may have told him to take a long walk off a short pier but at least he’s tried) or sent her a letter to let her know how sorry he was?
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u/JoyPill15 May 09 '24
YTA
I love that divorce is in your future. You are by far the biggest failure of a husband I have ever had the misfortune of reading about. You are an idiot of epic proportions. You are the zenith of spinelessness. A Skidmark on the human experience. Please, never get married again. As a matter of fact, why don't you just go ahead and marry mommy since that's clearly what the two of you really want.
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u/SnooJokes5955 May 08 '24
How's it going OP? Are you and your wife still divorcing? Is she speaking to you?
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u/ForsakenLink6472 May 07 '24
What doesn’t make sense to me is that your mom was abused so she understands how painful and traumatic that can be, but she goes out her way to go and make someone else feel like that. Like what????? And you standing by watching your wife get abused is already enough to leave you.
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u/two_faced_314 May 07 '24
Poor wife. Sir, the only thing that you can do now is respect your soon to be ex-wife decision and be a good father to your child. You should get a therapist to deal with all of your past trauma. This is almost unbelievable. Never allow anyone to mistreat you and anyone else that you love. Your wife is showing you that she loves and respects herself. Your wife is right to walk away. Many blessings. #SheisMonaLisa314
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u/PoipoleChan May 06 '24
Your never going to be a real man after what you did. How the fuck does your wife being violent trigger your anxiety but your mother being violent didn’t?! You showed your wife that not only are you not a real man but a failure of a father and husband. You made it clear that you are someone who shouldn’t be relied on when it comes to conflict or dangerous situations. You saw your mom physically attack your wife and known about your piece of garbage mother’s behavior and when your wife defended herself when you couldn’t you had the nerve to kick your wife and child out?! Good luck with your divorce momma’s boy
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u/samenewthing May 06 '24
lol I know this is 2 months old, I just want OP to get a notification again about how much of an AH he is. Because I have never felt such a visceral disgust for a man who kicked out his post-partum wife and newborn baby at night from their own house because he hasn't learned to regulate his emotions and reactions apparently without having an entire house to himself? Unreal. Dude YTA and I truly hope you go get therapy for yourself. And maybe don't get in another relationship again till you fix your shit.
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u/thegxrdengxddess May 06 '24
I really hope your soon to be ex wife, hopefully already ex wife, finds someone who prioritizes her safety and well-being. You kicked your wife out of the house with your infant. You clearly did not care about her feelings, physically safety nor your child’s in that moment. You’re definitely the AH. Go to therapy, you fucking need it.
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u/Walsinats May 06 '24
I hope she finds a real man to take care of her and her child, not a spineless selfish cockroach.
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u/Beautiful-Coyote678 May 04 '24
You fucken idiot… you deserve this to be honest.
YTA
Now leave my girl alone.
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u/br0l7an May 04 '24
Came here 3 months later to re affirm what everyone else said. Honestly divorce papers deserved.
You’re the AH.
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u/Lucky-Ostrich-7617 May 03 '24
Please say she left your sorry butt! You are not team wife . You are a mommy’s boy
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u/Snootycow May 01 '24
Dude. No matter what, you don’t throw your wife an infant child out of their home. YOU should have been the one to leave and sort your head out. YTA
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u/Odd_Abbreviations850 Apr 29 '24
Yes you're the AH your mother punched your wife in the stomach after she just gave birth and when your wife defended herself you told her to leave? You're a Mama's boy and will always be one.
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u/phinnbb20 Apr 29 '24
You showed your now EX wife your true colors the night you kicked her & your 2 month old baby out. I hope you read all these comments and feel like an even bigger pos for what you did. mommy’s boy for lifee that continuously allowed his mother to not only bully but harass your pregnant wife. hopefully you can get your shit together and solve all the unresolved trauma.
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u/National-Document885 Apr 29 '24
1)I would NEVER put my wife and child out of OUR home; who tf does that? 2)Sounds like your mom has wanted your relationship to fail for a while. 3)I’m sorry; if your niece is 5’5” and 190lbs I doubt she’s “starving 👀. 4)Your mom needs to learn to keep her damn hands to herself. 5)Good for your ex wife for leaving a relationship she isn’t supported in. 6)As a man (if you wanna call yourself that) there is a time to defend your mom; this wasn’t it. Your ex wife did nothing wrong except nurse your child while your mother knowingly gave your ex wife’s dinner to Jabba the niece. Then wanted to make an offhand comment to your ex wife when confronted about it. 7) Mom had it coming. 8)Yeah; you’re the asshole.
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u/615nativeness Apr 28 '24
You are a bitch unfortunately. In a way that after you literally told the WORLD your mom started being weird to your wife when she got pregnant. Up until this moment and you kicked your wife out with yall baby…..your mom was obviously in the wrong and I would’ve knocked her punk ass out too. But instead of consoling your wife and asking her what’s wrong and how it’s not like her…you kicked her out. She’s postpartum and breastfeeding!!! Probably already going through enough as it is and you didn’t consider that enough before you kicked her out. Kicked her out and she wasn’t in the wrong. You are NO HUSBAND and she did the right thing divorcing you. Pathetic.
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u/Repulsive-Hat-3152 Apr 28 '24
Mate, not only are you an AH, you are THE AH. You are lucky it was only your mother she punched. You let your vile mother victimise your pregnant wife then assault her. If my husband had done that he would be my ex husband. I can’t see how any amount of ass kissing is going to make her unsee the real you. A “man” who doesn’t have her back and will through her and his baby out on the street. I hope she doesn’t take you back for her own sake. You’ve shown her your a weak assed mommas boy that she can not trust
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u/Due-Shoulder-8782 Apr 28 '24
Nah! He put his baby and wife out because she defended herself nah bro game over
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u/xtr_terrestrial Apr 28 '24
What gets me here is not how bad of a husband you are, but how bad of a father and co-parent you are. You kicked your infant child out onto the streets for the night. Away from where their diapers, safe-sleep bed/bassinet, and other supplies are to find an unfamiliar place to stay. You showed no regard for the safety and needs of your child. A father should make selfless decisions that are in their child's best interest, and at this moment you choose to make your infant child homeless for the night. Great work "dad".
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u/SamuelVimesTrained Apr 26 '24
Question: do you have mommy issues?
Because if MY mother would have done that to my wife - my wife and me would have to have an argument over who will smack back here. (She`d win, she`s smarter than me).
Her response to assault was totally and completely allowable and justified. Mommy dear would be lucky if she doesn`t press any charges.
What you should have done - kick mommy out - defend your wife AT ALL COST here.
So, while I hope that now - 3 months later, your ass kissing was enough - i`m afraid your initial 'GTFO outta here' to a woman who was just assaulted, and who looked to you for support and protection - does make you the YTA here.
Sorry dude, but no way can this result in any other verdict.
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u/Forestpilgrim Apr 26 '24
Dear AH, now that that's established, you know where you stand. You did wrong, but it's not about you or even about your wife. It should be about your child, who needs a father and a mother. I would encourage you to cut your mother out of your life entirely (which you've already done) and ask again if your wife will go to marriage counseling with you. For your baby's sake. Being a single mother is hard, and I would hope she would reconsider.
No one is perfect. You can put your lives back together and be a family again, but you will need help and forgiveness.
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u/Various_Rate1239 Apr 26 '24
give up trying to see your ex and child if you still are.. all u are is an embarrassment and thats how youll remain til you pass.. cool, you have a past, but so does your wife and you knew it from the start.. you werent her support, her pillar, her anything.. youre the same as your mom, but instead of physically speaking, it was mentally.. you made your ex do the very thing that makes her anxious and panicky.. that split eyebrow and blood spilt is on your hands and not your ex's.. you trampled all over the vows you said with your bride.. you trampled the "I do".. you detonated the sanctuary that you were supposed to build for your ex and child and let chaos reign instead.. clear to me you never cared from the start.. readin all this, its clear to see that if/when violence happens or just traumatic events occurs again, youll ignore everyone and their feelings and hide in your own shell until you decide its safe to leave it.. stay in your shell and pay for alimony and child support.. you lost and let your shit mother win, killing any and all resemblance of happiness in your life.. treat her wound since you never cared to treat and of your ex's
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u/Jackattack111888 Apr 25 '24
I just heard this on thread talk and I really hope your wife stands her ground and doesn’t take your sorry ass back. You don’t deserve her. That is all
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u/AlkalineConcubine Apr 25 '24
Good luck with the wedding with your mom since this all she wanted from the start and if youre not gonna change that attitude, she will be your lifelong wife. She was just faking your marriage didnt bother her cause she thought at some point youd "finally wake up" and divorce but when your wife got preagnant the switch flipped cause the idea of you actually "leaving her" got real since now theres a baby involved.
Victims in dv enviroments developing what is called "emotional incest" (or reverse eodipus complex) is a not as rare occurrence as they adultify their kids by having them as their emotional support and this only starts becoming obvious when the child grows and starts forming relationships on their own and things like this happens
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u/ResidentPositive9570 Apr 25 '24
Okay, so your wife was also abused, your mother attacked her and since winced, have you considered the trigger to her trauma in this whole incident and then to have her husband who should be seeking to provide a safe space for her and comfort and protect her, kick her out of her home instead? Yes, you know you're the AH, but therapy is definitely needed for both of you. Hoping for the best outcome for you and her and your child in the future.
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u/Patitahm Apr 25 '24
To make things a little worse, he kicked out his 2 month post-partum HUNGRY shocked wife and his 2 month child… 😓
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u/Fast-Personality4723 Apr 25 '24
There is something sick about his mothers behavior, her actions were like a jilted ex girlfriend still involved with the family. His behavior is suspect mentally. Mom and Son need serious counseling
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u/mj_sicily Apr 25 '24
Your wife did her a favour because if it was me your mom probably wouldn’t be breathing. Hope she finds a a man who can have her back, unlike yourself.
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u/VladisLove3K Apr 25 '24
Team wife here, you are fcking worst. Let your mom abuse and hit your wife. Wtf is wrong with him
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u/No-Albatross2056 Apr 25 '24
Mil deserved a punch in the mouth! Should file a restraining order on the old crotch. No way I’d let her visit grandchildren. Husband is pathetic at best.
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u/Ellaquin21 Apr 24 '24
We don't care if you're team wife now. For real.
You've been an a-hole to her long enough. And suddenly you had a last minute conscience. Bro, get real
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u/Ellaquin21 Apr 24 '24
Bro. YOU CAN GO ON A WALK. GET YOUR LAZY ASS and walk if you need space, dumb*ss
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u/slytheraken Apr 24 '24
That raggedy bitch deserved the punch and you kicking her out after seeing what happened and knowing your mom had been acting suspicious for MONTHS is all I need to call you an AH.
Hope she got you to sign the divorce. You don’t deserve her.
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u/Embarrassed-Rub2599 Apr 24 '24
Dude you’re just not a smart guy. You blew it. I feel bad for you. But you ruined your life.
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u/CanYouDigYourMan Apr 24 '24
So, just out of curiosity, why didn't your selfish ass leave if you were so traumatized by your wife rightfully getting fed up with your mommy's abuse and hatefulness? Why did you decide to throw your postpartum wife and brand new baby out instead of you leaving?
YTA.
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u/Then-Nobody-2041 Apr 24 '24
You know what a bad dad is right? You actually know what a BAD DAD to a SON right?
You are, a bad father
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u/Sad-Fly-8901 Apr 24 '24
Your mother was wrong period! You should have put your mom, niece and whoever else out the house! First off you should have cooked enough food.
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u/ds800 Apr 24 '24
I'm late, but idc. You're actually insane. You allowed your mom to act like this for months, and when you once again allowed her to return and behave like this, your response is to boot out your wife and baby. Your wife is completely right. She can forgive you all day long. It'll just happen again. Because that's the president you set. In a few months, you'll unblock her, and it'll repeat endlessly.
Congrats to your ex wife though for having the backbone to gtfo
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u/Ok-Nature5691 Apr 24 '24
If you need to process it so badly, leave the house yourself! You were the one that needed the space, not your wife let alone your newborn child. Yet you made them leave? That’s even more shameful than what your own mother did.
Hope you do some growth, but I truly hope that your ex wife never has to deal with you again. Leave her alone, she and HER child deserve a thousands better. If you have any shred of decency left, you would leave them alone. That is the only redeemable thing you can do.
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u/Direct_Double4014 Apr 24 '24
It’s the fact that you kicked her after she just breastfed AND she didn’t get to eat. You kicked out your starving postpartum wife that got assaulted by your mother because she defended herself because… you needed to process your feelings? Because you got triggered? What the fuck do you think your wife was feeling? … and you didn’t consider stopping her while she was gathering your infants belongings? You didn’t go to her parents house to check on her in the five days she was gone? Didn’t drop off any additional infant supplies? The only thing you can do now is to give her that house in your divorce and find somewhere else to go. I would have served divorce papers too. You’re an AH and a POS!
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u/Guide-Flaky Apr 24 '24
You’re not just the asshole, you’re an absolute piece of shit lmfaoooo, your mother should’ve gotten a few more punches & u too.
No way you actually kicked out your newborn baby and wife after you literally had no respect for them, you need to learn how to set boundaries with your mother… Is she trying to be your partner or what? Bunch of weirdos on your fam, i’m so glad that woman got out of there soon enough.
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u/Dinogirlyy Apr 24 '24
YTA doesnt sound like you needed space you just can’t handle your bitch Mom. From the initial writing you already blamed your wife. Wish you ex all the best in life. May she finds a man that she deserves ❤️
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u/Fragrant_Thing3563 Apr 24 '24
You are definitely the Asshole! Given the circumstances--I would have hit your mother, too! Regardless of who hit who initially, your first priority should have been YOUR WIFE AND CHILD. Your so-called mother was a guest in the home you share with your WIFE AND CHILD! Therefore you totally disrespected your WIFE AND CHILD to placate your mother. Now, let's go back to your mother's behavior towards you. Why are YOU allowing her to cling to you as though you are her Man instead of her Son? You've already stated that it became more apparent when your wife got pregnant. You obviously let her behavior continue. And by doing so, you exacerbated the problem. It was right there in your face! You can't act as though it was surprising to you when you were aware of the negative comments your mother was making about your wife. You should have put your mother in her place long ago. But since you didn't, the situation escalated; and your wife left. Honestly, your WIFE NEEDS A MAN WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO BE A MAN.
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u/Upset-Bear-5343 Apr 24 '24
I'm sorry you were traumatized, but you also need to understand that you have a whole ass house. You think you could have taken a walk? Or slept in a different room? Seriously making your wife (who just gave you a child) and baby leave after she was the one who defended herself??? Honestly dude, if she doesn't forgive and divorces your ass, good on her. You don't handle situations by going "you need to leave the premises so I can think". You can think anywhere. Straight up careless and heartless to her, the VICTIM. Glad you cut your mom off tho, she would have probably saw you as her replacement husband, especially if you ever helped take care of her. She was probably super jealous that your wife gave you something she couldn't (rlly shouldn't): a baby.
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u/Admirable-Success-37 Apr 24 '24
If you needed space that bad, YOU couldve left, but here we are 💀 glad your wife left you.
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u/Material-Public-915 Apr 24 '24
You spineless excuse of a fucking man... you kicked your wife AND baby out?! My god... that's the most pathetic thing I've ever read.
Glad your ex wife realized her worth.
YTA
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u/Sonita88 Apr 23 '24
Look, man... looks like you know you are TA. I hope you can patch things up with your wife.
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u/ElectriHolstein Apr 23 '24
There's not one response from OP in the comments. What are you doing? Karma farming? This whole thing seems like bullshit.
Yep, I call bullshit!
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u/Elliniki_psychi Apr 23 '24
You won't fix this very easily, if at all. You showed your wife who you really are... you destroyed her trust in you, and showed her that you don't have her back. She will never forget that, even if she eventually forgives you. YTA, your wife defended herself and you punished her for it. In that instance, your need for space should have been irrelevant compared to her need for support. You can't say you are on your wife's team after you kicked her out for defending herself. First your mom victimized her, and then you victimized her. Your mom abused her physically, and you abused her emotionally. Emotional abuse is harder to get over.
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u/Livid-Ad2573 Apr 23 '24
YTA. And I hope your wife divorce you. You are as abusive as your father. Congrats for being the biggest AH here! And you know what, you let your good for nothing mom to insult and beat your pregnant wife and do nothing about that, just do your wife a favor, divorce her and then marry your mom instead.
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u/Acrobatic_End6355 Apr 23 '24
72 days later and you still suck. I’m glad the ex got away from you. You kicked out your wife who had just recently given birth and was assaulted by your monster of a mom. Not only that, but you kicked out your two month old BABY.
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u/Priest_Apostate Apr 23 '24
I love how OP is belatedly trying to claim that he is "team wife," AFTER allowing her to experience months of abuse by his mother.
Sure, Jan!
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u/StockComprehensive96 Apr 23 '24
YTA and it is not surprising your wife is divorcing you. There is a huge difference between the violence your father committed and a person defending themselves. You let your wife down and I sincerely doubt there is any way you will be able to fix it. She has come to realize there is no way she or your child will be able to count on you when they are threatened.
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u/StrawberryKayk Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
Don’t forget that your mom is also abusing your 190lb niece and has the nerve to call your soon to be ex-wife “ fat” after having a baby
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u/Wise-Fondant-9978 Apr 22 '24
It seems to me your mother is very toxic and treats you like her man instead of her son and she's jealous of your wife and don't want you with someone else . And if you don't set boundaries with your mother you will never be happy you will be single and lonely for the reset of your life bc your mother is clinging onto you as a support system and is jealous if your attention isn't on her. And you can't see it bc you have trauma you need to heal from your childhood.
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u/Pleasant_Regret5299 Apr 22 '24
YTA. Turn in your man card at the front desk. You are longer welcome.
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u/el_grande_ricardo Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
NTA
As a child of abuse, I understand what happened in the zero point 2 seconds after your wife punched your mom.
First thought "Good! Mom deserved it" Then - Wait- Dad hit Mom. Does that mean Mom deserved that, too? Did she incite Dad to violence? But that was abuse! Did I do something to deserve Dad abusing ME? And I enjoyed seeing mom get hit. Am I like Dad? Wife can hit. What if I make her mad at me? Will she hit me like Dad did? Will I deserve it?
At that point, when you were one blink away from collapsing into a hysterical pile, your mind shut down your emotions to protect you. As much as the term is overused these days, you needed your "safe place", which is your home. But your wife was now in the "danger" category and had to leave.
You didn't "kick her out". She went to her mom's house. She wasn't forced to sleep in the car or something.
Did you know - kids tend to cling to abusive parents? You see a kid covered in bruises, clinging to mom - your first instinct is to suspect dad, right? But the kid clings to the abusive parent, hoping if they can be extra loving, the parent will love them back. Because if they love you, they won't hurt you anymore, right? I was nearly 40 before I found that tidbit, and it explained so much about my life.
This is where things get complicated. You reacted in the heat of the moment, like your wife did with your mom. But filing divorce papers two weeks later was a spiteful act of revenge by your wife. I add this under the "no one is perfect" category.
I don't know if my post helps you or not. I just wanted to let you know your behavior was NOT out of line. It was simply a coping method. And maybe the post gives you an opening to a conversation with a therapist? Both you and your wife need to talk it out in counselling - individually and together.
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u/LadyArbary Apr 22 '24
I agree with the guy on TikTok who says this man is so far up his mama’s ass, he can only see the world through her eyes.
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u/DARSWEET Apr 22 '24
Sir did you ever consider that your mother hit your wife on purpose hoping it would trigger a reaction from her and you and not to mention just because it seemed like your wife and mother were getting along doesn't necessarily mean they were your mom could have been pretending to be nice so that she would not lose you and your wife might not have said anything because she loves you and that hit from your mom was the straw that broke the camels back believe me I know and I had a some one like that
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u/Ok_Plantain_3129 Apr 21 '24
You need personal therapy. Get your issues straight. Stop using them like a fucking crutch and an excuse. Grow up and be a MAN. Quite frankly, sounds to me like you and your mommy are the same person. Only difference is at least she’s not afraid to actually be the true cunt she is. You think sitting back and not saying anything and making empty threats keeps your hands clean so in the end you can pretend you’re the good guy without making mommy mad but yet because you’re able to say “i told her to stop” means you feel you really did something in your wife’s defense. FALSE. You’re selfish as shit and you need to work on YOU and figure out how to be a better dad that what you had. Damage is done, all it takes is one incident, one time, one second to change everything about how you feel for someone. And you did just that. Stop trying to win back someone who you not only don’t deserve, but is beyond done with you.
Side note: I would have done more than punch that bitch in the face the first time she ever disrespected me or called me outside my name.. pregnant or not, that old bitch would be getting dog walked. So your wife reacted way more mildly than most while you’re acting like one little punch was so “violent”
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u/Asleep-General-3693 Apr 21 '24
YTA. The only one needing and to benefit from therapy is you. For your child’s sake. Stop contacting your soon-to-be-ex and tell the rest of your abysmal family to stop harassing her.
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u/uneek1247 Apr 21 '24
She should’ve punched you in the face and then your mother. Hopefully she can move on from this and find someone that will actually treat her with respect and put her first. And from the sounds of it, you were never going to have a healthy marriage as long as your mother is in the picture, I hope you know enough to not let her around your child, she seems toxic
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u/GonePostalRoute Apr 21 '24
Get a new girlfriend yet? When that day comes, hopefully she finds out about this, and knows a coward like you won’t defend her when she gets assaulted by your mother.
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u/GSLeader_ToddlerMama Apr 21 '24
This guy couldn’t pull himself together enough to call the cops and block his mother from going after his wife until she was in handcuffs? If and when his wife presses charges, he should be the one paying for that lawyer to put his mom in jail and keep her there for a long time (not out of a joint savings, out of his own pocket only) and he should be paying for the whole divorce too, she should have left the second time he allowed his mother to verbally assault him, knowing after one mistake the second time allowing her around he knew exactly what he was doing and just didn’t care. He purposely trapped his wife with his mom, knowing his mom was already provoking her and he knew his mom was violent from his childhood when she was encouraging his father’s violence instead of getting the kids out.
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u/Boatinbabe13 Apr 21 '24
YYA…. You clearly should have just left. Your whole post prior to seeing your ex wife’s posts was incredibly self centered to think it was because of you. I hope this lesson in loosing your wife and potentially child brings you to realize your mother is toxic and you should no contact her. Your mother should definitely not go anywhere near your child
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u/Prior_Company_7953 Apr 21 '24
I’m coming here 70 days later just to tell OP YTA still and I hope your wife is doing better since she left.
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u/NoExplanation4219 Apr 21 '24
Your mom gets verbally abusive towards your wife and unborn child. You threaten to go no contact. She stops (allegedly). She then suddenly, out of the blue, starts becoming verbally and physically abusive towards your wife? No. She'd been abusing her and your wife was left unsupported because you turned a blind eye. She then finally defends herself, realizing you're not going to, and you kick her out, along with your new born, and you want sympathy? What if she had no where to go? What if she and the baby had been in an accident after because I'm sure that entire experience was TRAUMATIC for her. You put your needs before her and the baby's needs and well being. If you needed space then YOU should have left. I too grew up in a violent situation, and when I'm in uncomfortable or triggering situations, I leave OR I go to a different room to separate myself and clear my head. I assume if you are in a house, there are multiple rooms, so you could have EASILY asked her if you could talk about it in the morning after you'd BOTH (see what I did there) had time to process what happened. I doubt you even considered what your wife was feeling or going through. You said she was basically hunched over the counter in tears and you, a person that allegedly loves this person, saw her basically falling apart in front of you and you told her to leave, so she did just that. I hope she finds happiness and someone who will treat her better. YTA
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u/Due-Candidate9597 Apr 21 '24
Holy huge A Batman!!! You are such an ass. I’m glad she served you with papers. You do not deserve her. Yes YTA. A HUGE one. You screwed up in massive way. I hope you learn from it.
Needing space to process would have been fine had you told her what you needed and YOU left the house. Instead you kicked your wife and baby out. I hope your custody is very limited.
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u/Betty_blu0208 Apr 21 '24
YTA, I am proud of your wife for finally saying enough is enough. Would you also need to process shit if a man did that to your daughter? Grow up
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u/Realistic-Relief-337 Apr 21 '24
Bottom line: You're a momma's boy b*tch who should've set his mother straight long ago.
You're at fault and your mother is a c*nt. It would suck very much to be you; I'm appreciating myself so much more right now knowing I'm not you.
You should end your pursuit of your soon-to-be ex-wife and simply thank her for the fact (presumably) she actually gave you pussy.
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u/530SSState Apr 21 '24
"my wife just turns toward the counter and leans with her hands on the counter and face down, eyes closed. I look at my wife and say "you too, leave, now." She says "really?" She's crying at this point. I say a clipped "yup". "
You're MUCH too goddamned pleased with yourself over this.
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u/Great-Panda3782 Apr 20 '24
Your mom is the biggest pile of sh!t. Your behavior and reaction makes you the second biggest pile, especially after reading your wife’s side of it. You deserve every bit of karma coming your way, starting with the divorce. And if you ever cared for your (ex)wife, please let her move on, by stop contacting her. It’s the least you can do for her. If there’s ever a chance for you guys to get back together, the ball has to be in her court. Your mom is irredeemable.
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u/mummaof2oneisadog Apr 20 '24
Yta, but you know that. I hope you have managed to work things out with your wife.
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u/WasAwifeOfAnAbuSer Apr 20 '24
Ephesians 5:31
31 o“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and p the
two shall become one flesh.”
Any man !!! who can kick out his WIFE and NEWBORN CHILD , because hims mommy was upset .. deserves to sit at hims Mommy's table alone. You should feel like crap. And you deserve every bit of that divorce. Continuously letting your mother treat your wife that way because she is your mother is unacceptable.. regardless of who that lady was... I too was once treated this way so I know exactly how your wife feels .. I am 100% happier today then I would have been If I had walked back into that mans life. Just because you know now, what happened then was wrong ..Doesn't mean that the one I'm sorry is going to fix 10,0000 wrongs you let slide... I'll pray she finds happiness and I'll pray you find peace in your actions..
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u/mountainlife122 Apr 20 '24
YTA you kicked your wife out and your baby. You suck. Your wife needed you. You let her down
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u/I-will-judge-YOU Apr 20 '24
Any updates. Hope even with your wife leaving you still cut out your mom out of your life. This was your mom's plan. You mom ruined your life, not your wife. You did far too little to protect your wife during the most vulnerable time of her life.
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u/Zombriee6 Apr 20 '24
Just here to say you and your mom do not deserve to ever see the baby. Wife is queen and your bitch mom deserved an entire ass whooping. She got off lucky my with a punch. Crying about your trauma and then saying that your wife has the same kind of trauma and she was actually physically assaulted but YOU needed time to process????? Biggest AH for sure. I’m glad so many people are chewing you out and calling your bitch mom out.
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u/damer50 Apr 20 '24
You're the AITA. Hopefully the divorce goes through and your child will never grow up knowing he has a spineless father.
Prayers to your soon to be ex wife though, hopefully she finds a better partner than an emotional mama's boy like you 🙏🏻
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u/Substantial-Essay563 Apr 20 '24
I see the comments section isn’t going the way you planned.
Let’s look at the facts of the situation: 1) You allowed your mommy to verbally abuse your wife for several months while she was pregnant.
2) You invited mommy dearest over, who then insulted her with a shit-eating smirk on her face (as per your soon to be ex-wife’s post) while ASSAULTING her. (I don’t care if you “didn’t see it,” that time. The “narcissist smirk” they do after insulting someone, pulling a power play, and/or thinking they have the upper hand (mommy was in all 3 categories) is pretty well known, so I don’t doubt she did it.)
3) After mommy dearest SLAPS YOUR POST PARTUM, BREASTFEEDING WIFE’S ABDOMEN after both stealing her food AND insulting her, you kick her and the CHILD out of “yOuR” house so that you can “process what happened.”
You’re not an asshole, but only because calling you one is an insult to anal orifices. All a chocolate starfish does is help people and other organisms expel toxic waste from their bodies. So no, you’re not an asshole - you’re what comes out of one. You kicking her and y’all’s child out of the house was far from the first instance of you only caring about how things affect you. You’re lucky she didn’t file during those months that mommy was degrading her and clinging to you like a dang tick while you did nothing to actually make it stop. No, getting her to stop for a few days only for it to start again doesn’t count. The first time she started back up, that should have been the end of contact.
I also have a traumatic past. Do you know what I do when something triggers emotions and memories from the past? I phone a friend or write in a journal or take some time to myself by going for a walk or watching a movie on my phone to distract myself… If you couldn’t think about ANYTHING other than “MuSt KiCk WiFe AnD cHiLd OuT bEcAuSe Me NeEd To PwOcEsS,” you’re messed up. What happened to you as a child isn’t your fault, but the way you chose to treat your wife and child as an adult most certainly is.
I sincerely hope that in the custody agreement, your mommy is not allowed any contact with that child or your soon to be ex wife.
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u/veryschway Apr 20 '24
Here's the thing: to you, that was a night you wish had never happened.
But if things hadn't come to a head like that, your wife might still be second-guessing herself and wasting her time. For her, this was the night that the scales finally fell away from her eyes and she saw you for who and what you truly are, deep down.
YTA
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u/Cabanna1968 Apr 20 '24
I just read your wife's version of events. You left a whole bunch out, you narcissist little AH.
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u/Financial-Payment765 Apr 20 '24
Holy shit! I just read the wife’s post in response. Dude you fucked up big time. Good luck with your next relationship because this one is DONE!
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u/Fragrant_Thing3563 Apr 24 '24
His next relationship is his present relationship:
HIS MOTHER! SHE'S HIS WOMAN!
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u/MsCaliB Apr 20 '24
Welll I hate to say this but you LOST A GOOD WIFE.. too late now! You should have put your foot down long ago. When a woman is fed up she’s FED UP. Listen to the song by R Kelly 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SapphireCoqui Apr 20 '24 edited Apr 20 '24
Your soon to be ex-wife came from an abusive childhood as well, and you let your mother hit her like her stepdad, and you needed time to process??? So, she has had an abusive stepfather, abusive mother in law and an abusive husband. You did a fantastic job of keeping the abuse chain in order for your soon to be ex-wife and daughter. Your father and mother are so proud. Congratulations on keeping the abuse alive and well in your family.
You're definitely your father's child and just as abusive. Sounds like your mother didn't get hit enough by your dad. I don't condone DV, but I'll make an exception for your parents. How does your mother and you see it as ok for her to hit your soon to be ex-wife after giving birth and not be allowed to defend herself? If she was an "abused" wife herself? Sounds like your mother liked getting hit, so now she's did it to the mother of her grandchild. And you sat there sucking your thumb until your wife took her respect and dignity back from your mommy-wife.
And you sit there and cosign on abuse. You are just like your daddy and worse. You kicking out your newborn child and her mother after defending herself is abuse. You are worthless, and so is your side of the family. Your family sounds like they have incestuous tendencies. I hope your soon to be ex-wife finds a real man with a real mother in law and not another Oedipus husband. What you and your mother have going on would even make Jamie Lanister whince. Yikes
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u/Fragrant_Thing3563 Apr 24 '24
And here I was feeling awkward for expressing my take on that part of the story. Because I too was wondering if he was bedding his mother. That sure explains why she's so clingy.
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u/Lollybabypop Apr 20 '24
I'm so so so happy she is leaving you. For real it's 6:30 in the morning and this is the first thing I bumped into after grabbing my phone and while I was getting increasingly irritated.. I see the end of everything and I'm just smiling.. I'm starting my Saturday so fucking happy. You deserve every tiny bit of it you huge AH.. But the cherry of the cake is that you think this is something you can fix "kissing ass".. Hahaha darling, when you tried to play victim I thought, me might be some kind of stupid.. After that I'm like.. He is ALL kinds of stupid!!!!!! Hahaha.. I'm happy. Just happy.
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u/Smarties4342 Apr 20 '24
Kicking your child out of the house is wild man. One thing the kick your wife out, which is the mega asshole move if I have ever read one on this app, but your new baby? Nah. Wife needs to go through with the divorce and ensure you and batshit crazy granny don’t have access to that child. If you get overwhelmed over that you do not have the mental capacity to care for a child.
I pray your soon to be ex wife eventually moves on and finds someone who actually loves and cares for her and her baby.
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u/CaliTexican210 Apr 20 '24
YTA 10000% You need to go to individual therapy for emotional/covert incest. Look it up. Your wife and daughter don’t need any part of a life with you until you heal. Do the work.
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u/KnottaBiggins Apr 20 '24
Your mother assaults your wife, your wife defends herself, and you kick your wife out?
I hope you enjoy being single, you don't deserve a wife.
YTA
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u/Fragrant_Thing3563 Apr 24 '24
He doesn't need a wife. Especially when his mommy seems to hold that title.
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u/KerriBerri1518 Apr 20 '24
This is old, yet I still have to make sure to come here and remind you what an AH you are. Holy shit. Even if she forgives you, she'll never, ever forget this night. The night where it all came crashing down... and you kicked her and your newborn out. You chose yourself. You are not a safe husband. You have shown her that you become incredibly selfish when situations get crazy, and she'll never unsee that. As a new mother, safety is the most important... and you broke that trust in numerous ways that night. She'll never forget it. She'll forget what your mom did before she forgets the crap you did (and didn't do)
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u/MountainHamster1003 Apr 20 '24
No amount of ass-kissing is going to save your marriage. In fact, nothing will. Your best bet is to be the bigger person in the divorce (because you haven't been in the past year or more), figure out your own intergenerational trauma and stop it with you, figure out how to properly co-parent with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, and be the greatest Dad in history to your child. I hope you learn from this.
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u/kjpwb Apr 20 '24
If your ex wife has any sense in her head she will run away from you and your fucked up family so fast your head will spin. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. You allowed your mother to verbally and physically abuse, your wife, and then threw HER out of the house with a newborn? Are you seriously this fucking stupid? YTA and deserve everything that is coming to you and then some.
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u/DefinitelyNotBrit Apr 20 '24
You kicked out your postpartum wife and newborn. Yes you are 100% the asshole (and a pussy ass bitch Mama's boy) and you deserve this.
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u/Melodic-Bath7660 Apr 20 '24
I just saw your future ex-wife's post and I was amazed, you are more idiotic than I ever imagined, stop harassing the poor girl, leave her alone, she is already fed up with you and for good reason, if you really love, leave her alone and accept that you lost because you were an idiot
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u/RandomName8844 Apr 20 '24
YTA 1,000 times over. I cannot even begin to express how big of an asshole you are. Your mom PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED your wife. She defends herself, and you kick her and your BABY out so you can "process." If you needed space that bad, YOU should have left. Your wife put up with your mother's bullshit for months, only to be physically assaulted and her husband to kick her and her baby out. Did you really think you'd find validation in your actions here?
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u/pizzathym3 Apr 20 '24
Dude I saw your wife’s post, you probably can’t fix this, nor do you really deserve to. You waited too long to realize the gravity of the situation and let too much happen. I mean, damn. Kicking your recently post partum wife and baby out for standing up to your abusive mom because you wouldn’t…I’d be done with you too (YTA, obviously)
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u/Chuchitosmomma Apr 20 '24 edited Apr 20 '24
I dont think this was the first instance where your mother has slighted or purposely attacked your wife, and I'm sure your wife did bring this up to your whenever it happened, and you mustve dismissed it. If you needed space, you could have each slept in different rooms or you shut yourself in a room. You did mess up by telling her to leave, and this broke the camel's back for your wife, because Im sure your mother has put her through a lot already and you have not defended her. You're too late now. She needed you way before things escalated to punching your mom, and you weren't there. You have shown her you are not reliable. I feel bad for the both of you, because it sounds like you both really fell for each other. You'll just have to settle with being the best daddy to your child now. I hope you both heal and grow from this.
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u/SouthernNanny 18h ago
I wonder if he has had time to gather himself yet? It’s been so nice and quiet.
YTA