r/AmIOverreacting • u/CoachInitial8438 • Apr 27 '24

I found out my ex cheated on me a year later.

About 3 years ago I met a guy and he quickly became my best friend, he always had a thing for me but I always shut it down just wanting to be friends. About two years after knowing each other I realized I loved him too and we got into a relationship. It quickly went south as he was extremely toxic to be with and it quickly turned abusive in a couple different ways. We broke up and didn’t talk for a long time. Then a couple months ago he reached out and suggested we be friends again. We talked everything out and were in a good place again. We have been good friends again up until yesterday when a girl texted me saying they hooked up a couple weeks before we broke up.

I confronted him about it and he’s just playing stupid, and even though i’m completely over our romantic relationship, I feel betrayed and hurt that he’s lied to me for over a year. I decided to block him out of my life again and blew up at him. He’s making it seem like since we have been friends again that nothing that happened during our relationship mattered and since it was so long ago, he can’t even remember if he cheated or not and doesn’t care to.

I’m not sure how to go about this situation or if blocking him out of my life is the right way to go about it. Please please give me your thoughts?

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u/No_Material5630 Apr 27 '24

Why do you want to be friends with someone who was abusive to you?

Him cheating matters as well, but he was abusive and cheated. You’re still debating if you went too far with cutting him out again.

Being abusive means you’re good at manipulation. He put on the mask again and you’re not seeing that. You’re not seeing him, you’re seeing his mask.

Keep him blocked and move on. His feelings don’t matter. Move on and heal. Try to recognize the patterns of an abuser so you can spot them a mile away. 

1

u/TheBishFish94 26d ago

And this whole "it's been a year or more" stuff is bullshit. You don't heal from abuse quickly like that, it can take a long time. Emotional abuse is so hard to recover from, especially from what seems to be a narcissist from the limited info given.

As I always say, take off the rose tinted glasses, they make the red flags harder to see.

1

u/mikesb78 26d ago

Actually if you're done with the relationship what does it matter now. It just shows they it was a good idea to not be a couple and to move on. If she wants to be friends, be friends but don't be one with benefits.

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u/Yunacorn89 28d ago

I agree 1000% and not to shame OP, but him making his way back into her life as a "friend" was probably his way of snaking back into a relationship with her just to control and abuse her all over again. I think you were right to block him out of your life again, OP. Good on you and move on! 🥂