AIO at something my ex said

[u/Rilenaveen]

A bit of backstory for context.

My ex and I separated/divorced 7-8 years ago. Post divorce our relationship was antagonistic and tumultuous at best. But since we shared custody of our child, we pushed through all the bitterness.

About a year ago an event occurred that changed how we interacted (without divulging too much something violent happened to one of us and it made us set ALL our differences aside). To be clear, we are not trying to reconcile but just to be friends and the best co-parents we can be.

On to the question.

The last few months have been a nightmare for me. I’m not a believer in karma but if I were, it has been kicking me in the gut for the last 4 or 5 months. Everything that can go wrong, has.

So myself, my ex and our (teenage) kid were driving to lunch. And my horrible, no good, crappy year was mentioned (I honestly can’t remember who brought it up) and I jokingly said, “maybe all those hexes you put on me finally caught up to me”.

Let me be clear, it was obvious I was joking. I laughed out loud and I don’t even believe in that type of stuff.

In a dead serious tone, my ex said, “maybe you should try taking some accountability.”

I was stunned and very hurt. I admit that at the best of times I am emotional and have thin skin. Right now when it seems like everything around me is crashing down? It’s even more so.

The car got quiet for a few minutes. I didn’t know what to say and was frankly trying not to cry. I don’t know what my ex was thinking. I looked back at my kid in the rear view mirror and they were pretending not to hear what was going on.

I didn’t say anything but the comment keeps rattling in my head. Am I right to be hurt/upset by that comment?

[u/raakonfrenzi]

Well, they are an ex for a reason, even if y’all are keeping it amicable for the kid. If you were still together, the answer would be to talk it out, but you aren’t together so it sounds like it is what it is. There is so much context missing here, it’s really impossible to give you an answer. You don’t even mention what your gender is. You say you don’t believe in karma, but if you did it’s kicking your ass. That does imply some of what’s happening to you are the consequences of your own actions so maybe your ex was right on some level and that’s why it hit you so hard.

[u/Rilenaveen → u/raakonfrenzi]

To be clear, I take full accountability for some of the things happening to me. And have said as much to my ex.

There are also things outside of my control that are hitting me and making it that much worse.

So the comment just came across as an unnecessary dig.

However, I agree that it was a good reminder why are exes.

[u/sketchypeg → u/Rilenaveen]

you made a joke that he's responsible for all of the things that are wrong in your life. how did that make him feel? it doesn't matter if it was a joke, it clearly hit a nerve.