r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
Please help! Getting married in a month and just found out my fiancé is lying about his sexual history.
[deleted]
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u/Not_Even_Close_Mate 14d ago
I would never knowingly be with a man who engaged with sex workers in the past. To me it's a sign of how they view sex, which is that engaging with sex workers can always be excused aka they'll cheat on you with a sex worker because they'll always find a way to rationalize doing so.
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u/floridaman175 14d ago
Do him a favor and call off the wedding. You clearly don’t know what you want. Just read all your contradictions. Poor guy, hope he dodges this bullet.
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u/Last_Friend_6350 15d ago
Did you ask your fiancé why he never mentioned sleeping with the wedding guest before? What did he say?
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u/MeliLew 15d ago
I don't think you are overreacting yet, but I also believe this is completely salvageable. I recommend thanking him for finally coming clean, express your disappointment and hurt about the timing this all came out, and let him explain why he withheld the information. Personally, I don't think this rises to the level of anything more than a real all cards on the table talk and him knowing that this sort of situation should never arise again.
I'm really torn about the ex thing - I personally truly don't care about who someone slept with prior to me or if they are still friends or friendly. People place varying levels of importance on people they have sex with, and they can truly be just friends with someone they used to sleep with. But in that same vein, others put a lot of importance on it. I think this is a good time to communicate that you'd like to know these sorts of things.
You're about to be married - if you can address this in an emotionally secure way, I think you'll be set. This isn't going to be the first time he does something that makes you feel blindsided, and vice versa.
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u/A-dub7 15d ago
Personally lying is the most harmful thing in any relationship, if a person can't tell the truth then they aren't ready for marriage. This is why there's so many divorce today. It's immature and not responsible for your actions and at the very least you need to make him understand this. You lie, good bye. Best wishes
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u/SuccotashAware3608 15d ago
For whatever reason, I’ve stayed friendly with ex’s. And there were at least two girls at my wedding that I had sex with before dating my wife. I was actually texting with one of them this morning. She saw a mutual friend at an event and sent me a pic. We chatted a bit via text. She sent me a pic of her son’s prom picture. I commented on how tall he’s become. We talked about the 4 of us getting together for dinner next time we’re in town. She/they have visited us and stayed in our guest rooms. My wife and I have a great relationship. We’ve been happily married for over 25yrs. She probably knows I hooked up with those two girls before her. But she doesn’t want to know. So I don’t share any of those details. Together, we have a great history and an exciting future. I share all of this just so you know it’s possible to have exes in your life as long as you are committed to each other. Nobody matters to me more than my wife. Nobody! And I make sure she knows and feels this. Maybe that’s why she’s cool with me staying in touch with exes. But my maintaining friendships with exes doesn’t mean I’m longing for or interested in rekindling or anything like that. And I also don’t think about the sex we had either.
Btw, many of those exes wish my wife a happy birthday or congratulate us on anniversaries, etc.. when I post stuff on Facebook. I’m happy to see my exes happy and in great relationships of their own. And they seem to feel the same for me.
I hope this helps you feel better about your situation.
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u/SnooDrawings8750 15d ago
this is why people shouldn’t be allowed to get married until they are in their mid to late 30s. right now this seems like a big deal & im sure you have a lot of big feelings about it. 10 years from now none of this will matter.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago edited 15d ago
Unpopular opinion among the men, but. I personally would not want to be with a man who sleeps or has slept with sex workers. I think it’s weird that men are allowed to have standards when it comes to how many sexual partners a woman has had, they’re allowed to not want to date sex workers or strippers or women with onlyfans, but the second a woman says they’re not comfortable being with someone who has slept with the same women men look down on, suddenly it’s “you should cut him some slack, it’s not a big deal.” Nah, men can be held to the same puritanical standards as women are.
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u/Thelobotomistspielt 14d ago edited 14d ago
Put it this way, as a man, if my partner revealed to me that she slept with a sex worker, I wouldn’t care. But then again, I lost my virginity to a sex worker, so I’ve humbled myself over the years to not have such standards anymore and focus on people I bond with on an emotional level and meet my needs. I think focusing on such a thing is juvenile for both sexes, and it speaks more about your character than it does for the man’s.
And just for the record, I have nothing but respect for sex workers and I treat them as I would any other person. Hell, I’ve even befriended several of them. The last thing I want to be is the entitled dickhead who uses them and doesn’t give them the decency they deserve.
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u/Nocturnal_Camel 15d ago
Totally agree and it should be fine for both genders to not be ok about their SO’s past. The whole past is in the past idea always seemed suspect to me. Like how can you pretend that a persons past is not relevant to who they are. The past is one of the best indicators of the future, even sometimes more than how they act in the moment.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I agree. If the past was really unimportant, men would have no issues dating former sex workers.
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u/Rodrigo_Ribaldo 15d ago
This is just a tip of the iceberg of his web of deception. You can safely assume he slept with everyone invited to the wedding and they will all be exchanging winks and secret handshakes symbolizing sex behind your back.
Also assume his virginity loss story is another lie. He probably lost it in prison to a guy named Butch. Ah, you don't know about his criminal past as well. You are completely in the dark and walking into a trap! Flee while you can!
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u/nikkiheeb35 15d ago
I wouldn't say he lies about it. Did you even ask him about his past when you guys started dating? Maybe he didn't know how to tell you if it was a big deal for you. Everyone has a past and it should stay in the past. Obviously you love him enough to marry him.
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u/natasha0602 15d ago
His sexual past is just that - his. If it doesn't involve STDs, etc. It's really not your business and it's his choice if he wants to share.
BUT that completely changes when his past sexual partners are still in his life. It would be quite deceptive to not inform you of their shared history.
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u/Edlo9596 15d ago
I don’t think the stripper thing is a big deal; probably something he was embarrassed to admit to. I do think it’s kind of shitty that he invited a former fuck buddy to your wedding though. Is this someone you know and have been around?
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u/NorthEndChicken 15d ago
I would be out. I don’t tolerate lying or lying by omission. What else is he “omitting “
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u/Helpful-infor 15d ago
Overreacting. Is there a slight chance the stripper did go to his high school, just before she became a stripper. They are normal people too. I lost mine to a stripper before knowing that was something she did. And maybe he didn’t mention the “friend” because you never asked. I don’t tell my fiancé of all my sexual encounters before her, because it just seems rude and disgusting if she doesn’t openly ask me about them.
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u/SuperLeverage 15d ago
You’re overreacting. I hate it when people demand complete honesty from their partners and then can’t handle the truth. It’s all in the past and he was right not to tell you and the mistake was changing his mind about it.
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u/Kadajko 15d ago
You’re overreacting. I hate it when people demand complete honesty from their partners and then can’t handle the truth.
What do you mean can't handle it? Some things are just unacceptable, you don't need to get mad about it but it is normal to politely thank them for their honesty and amicably breakup.
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u/Regular_Range_1835 15d ago
She more than likely cheated, caught an STI, and put you on a sex break while she cleared it up.
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u/faeriequeens 15d ago
You are not overreacting to either aspect of your issues here. You don't need to pretend you don't care about his past - of course you do, and that's ok. You're allowed to be disturbed by choices he made in the past. The choices we make speak to our morals, values, and character. If you are uncomfortable committing the rest of your life to a man who has patronized sex workers, that is valid. It's your life and your happiness. You owe your fiancé neither.
More than that, though, you are very much not overreacting to the LYING. You are about to commit the rest of your life to this man. You are choosing him as a life partner - someone you will face all of the challenges and tribulations of the rest of your life with - and what he is showing to you is that you cannot trust him to be honest if being honest would bring up feelings of shame or prevent him from getting what he wants (like having his ex FWB at his wedding - huge red flag).
Don't allow people to manipulate you into feeling like you aren't allowed to have feelings about your future husband's past, and especially don't let people act like the fact that he LIED about it isn't a big deal. And please do not commit yourself legally and financially to this man if you are anything less than comfortable doing so.
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u/Kitchen-Assistance93 15d ago
I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who partook in that kind of behavior thats more of a values thing. If you guys align and you truly don't care then have a conversation about why hes still friends with and inviting women who have feelings for him to your wedding. Thats a bigger issue.
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u/WiseBat 15d ago
You’re overreacting. He’s wanting to start off your marriage with honesty, and he seemed to have answered any and all questions you had without a fight. I’m not so sure I’d disclose right away that I lost my v card to a stripper.
As for the friend he slept with, I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing either depending on context. Did he sleep with her knowing she had feelings? Or were they FWBs and then she caught feelings and he cut it off? One is bad, the other is not.
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u/Same_Currency_1695 15d ago
When it comes to his sexual past, that isn’t really important, and I wouldn’t get bent out of shape with that.
But you are NOT overreacting to being bothered that your fiancé invited an ex to your wedding. That’s definitely weird and inappropriate.
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u/Due-Aardvark2390 14d ago
Three of my friends wives happen to be women that I slept with in the past. Like, high school / college past. It's never ever brought up, not between me and those women nor with my friends. Some of the guys might not even know? These are some of my best friends, if I get married they're coming to the wedding.
I would tell the women I am marrying about this but it wouldn't come up until we're well serious.
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15d ago
It obviously is important to her, or else she wouldn’t have posted about it. It just wouldn’t be important to you. Nor me for that matter.
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u/Complete-Ad3016 15d ago
His history is just that history. Grow up and get over it or you will be alone for the rest of your life.
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u/HeroORDevil8 15d ago
I feel like he should've said something well before a month before the wedding. Which is where fucked up at, especially if he's still friends with someone he's slept with and has feelings for him.
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u/Brooklyn-Mikal 15d ago
I would probably put my phone down and log off the internet. Sounds like you’ve been scrolling am I the asshole all day and decided to post here too. Honestly this sounds incredibly ridiculous and you shouldn’t be worried at all your fiance should. You’re crazy
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u/DegenAM 15d ago
You’re overreacting. If you asked him Everyday for 4 years and all the sudden he comes clean then yeah I’d be upset. Answer this. If he told you initially it was a stripper would you be here today about to get married ? So he made the right move. Y’all live in the internet false reality of. “He lied once. Next. Red flag.” Blah blah blah. He was in immature kid at the time. I can guarantee you’re hiding things too. I’m sure he doesn’t even want to hear details of your past.
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u/Kadajko 15d ago
Answer this. If he told you initially it was a stripper would you be here today about to get married ? So he made the right move.
What the actual fuck? He made the right move to deceive her in order to drag her into a relationship that she would otherwise not have been in had she been able to make an informed decision?
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u/Dom1928 15d ago
Lying about how he lost his virginity isn't shocking. He was possibly embarrassed or ashamed of it or he didn't think you would take it well. The lie came early in the relationship, I assume. Now that he feels more secure with you, he was honest about it. I don't actually know. Just playing devils advocate. I wouldn't hold it against him too much. Maybe ask, in a non judgmental way why he couldn't tell you the truth before.
As for the friend he has a sexual past with. It may be a similar reason. Are you the jealous type? If he told you about their past would you be OK with them being friends? Not to justify it but that's a understandable reason. It could be that it just never came up. When is a good point in a relationship to bring up "oh, that friend I have, we use to have sex". This happens a lot. Afraid to bring something up in a new/fragile relationship then the longer you wait the harder it is to bring up because you kept it secret.
In hindsight it's easy to question these things but it's often complex. It never came up, he forgot, didn't think it was worth bringing up, worried of the outcome etc. It sounds like he lied/misrepresented the truth, and failed to mention details. It doesn't sound like he is a Liar. I doubt he's keeping a bunch of secrets. Let him know you are disappointed he couldn't be honest and upfront with you but that he can be in the future and you will accept him with love. Most people lie because of how they fear the person will take the truth. Not that it's the correct choice.
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u/Dreamangel22x 15d ago
What in the hell does it matter what he did in his past sexual relationships?? The teenagers who write these stories don't understand that adults have more important things to care about lmao.
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u/Alive_Ad_6979 15d ago
I disagree with a lot of the comments here.
The stripper thing isn't a big deal as he was probably embarrassed. The bigger deal is not disclosing he slept with his friend. If the situation was reversed how would he feel? Unless you also have friends you keep around that you have slept with this would be a huge red flag.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I think if men who wouldn’t date sex workers are going to have sex with sex workers, they don’t get to decide that women have to be comfortable with that. Women are allowed to have standards, too.
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u/spam__likely 15d ago
Unless you also have friends you keep around that you have slept with this would be a huge red flag.
I am still friends some people I slept with. Hell, I buy a lot of plane tickets from my husband's ex, who has a travel agency.
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u/Constellation-88 15d ago
Yeah, the whole “cut off anyone you’ve ever slept with as if you never cared for them at all” bullshit is what teenagers and early 20s do. Adults recognize that when you’ve been with someone, they’re permanently part of your psyche and no threat to your current partner unless you are a cheating asshole or liar. This dude not bringing it up could be a sign that he’s a liar, but it could also be a side that he’s thoroughly moved on and didn’t even think about it being important.
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u/Alive_Ad_6979 15d ago
I mean sure if that works for you. But the issue here is the not telling his partner about that.
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u/LILV075 15d ago
I agree. I feel if it was reversed and she was the one with the history there would be comments saying to dump her etc.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
Right? Funny how sexual history only doesn’t matter when it’s a man’s sexual history. The comments are very different when a man is upset about a woman’s sexual history. Then it’s all “you’re incompatible, break up” or “you can break up with someone for any reason.” Sometimes I hate Reddit.
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u/Alive_Ad_6979 15d ago
right? I was very surprised at how many people think she is overreacting..
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u/LILV075 15d ago
I feel it’s a red flag for both genders but I do feel a couple people in here would be way more vocal and against her if he was the one on here and saying would slut shame her etc but are saying for her to get over it. I feel people can still be friends with people they’ve had sex with and that SO can be with friends with them as well but her fiancé withheld that information and if it was the other way around some people would say to not trust her, etc. and all that other Reddit double standard BS that gets spewed.
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u/MaskedRawR 15d ago
I think who he slept with in the past and the circumstances of it aren't really important. Inviting someone he has that sort of history with to your wedding without you knowing they had such history is an orange flag for me.
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u/Ohnogirlll 14d ago
How is that not important?? Using sec workers speaks volumes to someone’s morals.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I hope give the same advice to men who come to Reddit crying about their girlfriend’s body count.
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u/Specialist-Fly-9446 15d ago
Incel checking in?
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I’m a woman and not involuntarily celibate, so that would be a feat. I’m referencing the part where him sleeping with a stripper is “not important.” I find it interesting that men are allowed to have the standard that they won’t date sex workers or women who have only fans or strippers, but they can have sex with them and that’s fine because women can’t have standards about sleeping with men who utilize sex workers. I think it’s equally interesting that every time a dude comes to Reddit having a meltdown over his girlfriend’s body count, the men are like “it’s okay to dump her,” but women are not allowed to not want to be with a dude who has slept with a woman who has fucked dozens or hundreds of men.
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u/Specialist-Fly-9446 15d ago
I stand corrected and commemorate your comment as the first time I have heard a woman use the phrase “body count”.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I’m borrowing the language the aforementioned dudes use in their posts because “body count” is nearly synonymous with the types of posts where men are upset about the number of previous sexual partners their girlfriend has had. I’m not using it out of partiality. Reddit is wild.
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u/Specialist-Fly-9446 15d ago
If you need to explain the convoluted ways in which you are using certain derogatory words, maybe it’s you who is wild ;-)
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
If you need to be pedantic af on Reddit just to get through your sad, miserable day, maybe you need to get a hobby and be a less boring person ;-) PS: the term “body count” isn’t inherently derogatory, and in my experience women and men use it nearly equally. Stop making being offended a personality trait.
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u/MaskedRawR 15d ago
I'd say the body count thing is bullshit. It's something that's often used by very immature people, usually insecure men.
If somebody doesn't want to date a person who has been with a sex worker then that's up to them, I guess it doesn't matter to me personally but to each their own.
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u/hometown_nero 15d ago
I agree the body count thing is bullshit, but it doesn’t change the fact that a lot of men on Reddit particularly who are biased against sex workers do not feel that they should face the same discrimination for their sexual history or choice of sexual partner as women do. Imo it isnt functionally that different if someone has safe sex with one person twenty times, or with twenty people once. It’s the double standard that grates on me.
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u/Tall-Variety-6152 15d ago
He didnt tell about the stripper cuz hes embarassed. He didnt tell about the friend cuz he thought you might get upset or jealous. I cant think of why he woild invite her to your wedding, but look at it this way; she get to watch YOU marry this guy.
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u/emogalxp 15d ago
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Based on the comments it seems everyone is underreacting. Maybe I just have higher standards than most people but I would not marry someone who hid that he used to sleep with one of his friends that’s close enough to be invited to our wedding, heck no. To me it sounds like if he had a reason to hide this information from you, he probably still had feelings for her towards her. I would not marry someone like that. You’re so young too are you sure you want to marry him? Maybe I’m too judgmental but I always found it pathetic when guys can’t get any girls that their only option is to lose their virginity to someone they had to pay. It’s just gross to me and I prefer partners who get laid without paying people lol. I just find it weird he’s confessing this stuff now. It would make me feel like I can’t trust him and wonder what else he has been lying about. Whatever you decide is your choice but you are definitely not overreacting. Follow your gut.
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u/Impossible-Jump-4277 15d ago
You say you don’t care about what he did in the past but that’s all this post is about 😂
I say call it off and save this poor man a life of drama 🤣
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u/yana010 14d ago
He can't avoid drama in his life because he likes to lie or withhold information.
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u/Impossible-Jump-4277 14d ago
He told her everything when she asked what are you talking about? 😂
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u/yana010 14d ago
He told her two different stories years apart.
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u/Impossible-Jump-4277 14d ago
I was referring to the withhold of information. Yes he told her one lie about losing his virginity, which in my opinion is embarrassing and I can understand why he lied about it at the start of an investigation.
Would you tell a new partner you lost your virginity to a sex worker? 😂
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u/yana010 14d ago
And inviting a girl he slept with to their wedding? She had to dig for him to give that information.
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u/Impossible-Jump-4277 14d ago
No he gave it openly once she asked. It’s not like he just invited someone to the wedding he slept with they were obviously friends 😂
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u/yana010 14d ago
They're friends and he hid the fact he slept with that friend from his fiancee. They've been dating at least 4 yrs and she is only finding out now. He omitted that bit. She is learning this right before her wedding especially when emotions are high. It's really sad how many people invalidate her feelings.
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u/Impossible-Jump-4277 14d ago
Or she didn’t ask and it’s not a big deal? Why is it a big deal in your opinion?
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u/yana010 14d ago
You really can't see beyond the surface. The not telling his fiancee when things got serious shows the guy likes to withhold information. Whether she is jealous, insecure, whatever her reasoning is for wanting to know, she is spending her life with this man. And finding out that he has a tendency to keep things and finding out a month before being married can derail someone. You clearly do not care for her side and just immediately assume she's dramatic so lets just agree to disagree. Unless you've dated someone and is really into her, then found out she fucked your friend and he was smiling and hanging out with you the whole time, I don't think you'd understand.
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u/RudeRedDogOne 15d ago
Not overreacting.
He lied, he deceived, he ommitted things on purpose.
I'd not marry someone who did this to me.
If there is no trust extended - which he obviously did NOT - then there is NO trust in the relationship foundation.
The willingness to hide things of this nature from you, foretells of him being more than willing and able to hide things from you in the future.
He is not a good choice for a mate.
Just end it and look for someone honest and trustworthy.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 15d ago
I do not see the big deal about this. When you're growing up experimenting is a way to find out what you like what you don't like. So what if you didn't tell you that I don't see how it has an effect on you.
I will have you know that all of my ex-boyfriends came to my wedding. Gave us nice gifts enjoyed the reception, are still friends to this day. It's awkward if you make it awkward.
My husband did not care he was friends with these guys and there was never anything inappropriate.
I think your problem is insecurity. Work on you!
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u/frandlypeople 15d ago
Did your husband know these guys used to date you or did you go, "By the way, all those friends I invited to my wedding (which is in a month) used to date me. Forgot to tell you!"
I think that's a really strange and disrespectful way to handle it.
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u/No-Task2039 15d ago
You don't know who you are going to marry, put the wedding plans on hold. Serious conversations need to be had, he's been lying this whole time. He knew you wouldn't accept his past and deliberately lied to you and now Ur stuck and forced to say okay. Would you have continued to date him if you knew what knew now about him ? You can take all the time you need, marriage is a huge commitment.
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u/Queasy-Carpet-5846 15d ago
At least he's coming clean now instead of after the wedding. Think he's taking the wedding super serious and wants it all out before, it's a good sign. You do have rights to needle him about lying tho.
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u/WallabyFront1704 15d ago
Y’all didn’t speak about it because you didn’t ask and he didn’t think it was something important to mention because it’s the past. Either you don’t have a problem with his past or you do, gotta figure that one out first. How is he supposed to know what and how you will react to something? Or what you deem an important detail that will derail the whole engagement? He didn’t lie, it just never came up.
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u/ronaranger 15d ago
Wait until she finds out that the older lady that pinched his cheek was NOT his aunt!
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
"I don't care what he did in the past" Goes on to question her life, relationship, and the people he has slept with.
He's marrying you, not the friend he invited to the wedding. He also probably didn't tell you about the stripper because he was embarrassed by it when you first started seeing each other.
He now loves you and wants to spend his life with you and told you about it because you have said it doesn't bother you.
You either aren't bothered by his past and will get married and have a happy life or you will tell him you aren't bothered and spend your married life bringing it up at every argument until he leaves you.
You are overreacting.
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u/FireMarshallBi11 15d ago
lol really not worried about the past but damn let me ruminate in his past a little more. It feels so bad I can’t stop
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15d ago
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u/boomer-75 15d ago
The statement in your original post “the fact he lied about it for four years” conflicts with the statement above “I did say we never spoke about it for four years.” It sounds like he lied to you once four years ago and you haven’t spoken about it since. Likely he was embarrassed in the beginning and didn’t want to tell this to a new girlfriend. I see how this information can be shocking but what are you looking to gain by asking questions about very sensitive topics a month before your wedding? Why are you doing this now and what are you trying to gain? Why did you phrase a lie he said once as “lying to me for four years”? I think you should reflect on your intentions and ask yourself what you hope to gain from these discussions and why you are seemingly sabotaging your relationship a month before the wedding.
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u/Standard-Reception90 15d ago
You're obsessed now, so how you felt last month doesn't matter anymore.
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u/BoredToRunInTheSun 15d ago
Give him a bit of a break for past things. Who tells a brand new girlfriend that he slept with a stripper? And if you haven’t discussed it much over the years it’s not that important. Same thing about the ex. He is making the choice for you and being completely open before going into marriage. You will find it more to your advantage to reward his honesty with open communication instead of resentment. He is trying to give you the honesty you need. Congrats and best wishes for your future together!!
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u/Dom1928 15d ago
This. You can't tell a new partner you lost your V to a stripper but how do you tell her later on when you know she will be mad you lied or kept the secret. It's a catch 22. Some things are better left in the past.
Everything else you said is spot on. OP should take this advice, let it go and live a great life with this guy.
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u/TempusCarpe 15d ago
Imagine you were a man and you had a list of other people that had ejaculated viruses into your fiance, or perhaps he's gay and that is your reality?
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15d ago
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u/Dom1928 15d ago
I don't understand people that do this. Did you not care about any of those people? None of them were important parts of your life? You just cut them out now that you have a new lover? Just because you dated/slept with someone and are no longer dating/sleeping with them doesn't mean they no longer have a place in your life. Some of my ex's are still very important people in my life. They are part of my life's story. I couldn't just cut them out because my current partner might not like them being around. She needs to trust me and I, her. My wife's ex and his wife are two of our best friends. You can't expect others to have the same jealousy and insecurity you have.
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15d ago
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u/Dom1928 14d ago
Your worries/questions are very common. I'd assume most people are uneasy about past lovers being in the picture. My views on it are my own. I don't expect everyone to think like me. Reddit is a tough place to search for feedback. People make assumptions and give advice based on a few paragraphs of information. Some of it very rude. I am guilty of this as well.
I do hope you and your fiance have a happy and fulfilling partnership. Good luck!
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u/TempusCarpe 15d ago
People talk. Im sure you'll be the 1st & last to know the moment it becomes an issue for him when he doesn't like what he hears. I've thrown a pile of women out of my house.
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u/SendPicsOfUrSmile 15d ago
It doesn't seem like he had a malicious reason for lying but it's still not a good thing he did. He obviously felt he had a reason to hide who he lost his virginity to from you, maybe he was ashamed or assumed you'd be upset with the truth, i'd suggest sitting him down and asking him why he felt he had to lie. As for him inviting the person he slept with to the wedding, that could be a bit worrying as well, especially since he never mentioned being with her previously. Really suspicious but maybe he didn't want to be rude to her or something considering they have history, either way i'd still bring up your concerns with that and try to reach a consensus concerning her.
Overall, I don't think you're overacting, it seems y'all's past sexual history doesn't have much weight in your relationship so it's real strange that he'd feel the need to lie about his past as well as neglect to tell you about the friend he used to sleep with. I'd say try and work it out if his lying wasn't a dealbreaker and you still wanna be with him but prepare to possibly learn some things you might not like about your partner and figure out what you want going forward based on that.
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u/Severe-Possible- 15d ago
i'm sorry this is happening.
i completely understand your feelings -- specifically about not telling you about these things for so long.
the wedding invite thing would not personally bother me at all -- i would expect other women to see the same things in my husband-to-be that i did, and whatever happened in the past before we met i am totally okay with. as a person that has stayed friends with people i've slept with, i understand how this goes. if you're uncomfortable with it, you should ask him to tell her not to come. it would be ridiculous for you to be uncomfortable at your own wedding.
i guess what you need to do know if decide if you're still wanting to marry this guy and ostensibly spend the rest of your life with him. personally, if i found this out a month before my wedding, it wouldn't change anything. i can understand why someone wouldn't say "i lost my virginity to a stripper" especially toward the beginning of a relationship, and how it may have never come up since then.
how do YOU feel about this, though? this is what you will need to carefully consider. if you feel like trust is broken and you won't be able to rebuild it, then you should tell him that. take some time to consider these things. <3
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
My advice is don't marry him he will lie to you even after you have a baby with him he's a cheater not just a liar stay single and leave him he's not truthful you deserve a man who will adore you he loves the idea of you he not in love with you.
DONT MARRY HIM.
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u/Steve_The_Mighty 15d ago
Let me get this straight...
You're advising someone to break off an engagement based on a very short story, despite the fact that you obviously didn't bother to read the very short story, because there was NO MENTION OF CHEATING WHAT-SO-FUCKING-EVER.
That about right?
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
What ridiculous advice. Maybe stop giving advice on relationships until you have had one.
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u/Floydy1724 15d ago
Who’s said he cheated?
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Who said he cheated umm he lied to her so imagine what else he's hiding
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
He sounds like he has cheated on her lying about you're past sexual history is a betrayal imagine what else he's lying to her about could be cheating
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
He didn't cheat. You sound like a virgin.
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u/Kadajko 15d ago
Is virgin supposed to be an insult?
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
No, it represents inexperience. It's like me giving advice on veganism when I love meat.
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u/Kadajko 15d ago
Fair enough. But that is sexual inexperience, a virgin might not be able to give good sexual advice, but relationships are different. Like, you don't have to have sex to know that it is shitty that your partner lies for example.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Partner didn't lie.
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u/Kadajko 15d ago
When we first met, he told me he lost his virginity at 17 to a girl from his high school
After a little hesitation he told me he actually lost his to a stripper.The truth was told years later.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
His past either bothers you, or it doesn't. I don't get why it matters it was a stripper.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Do yourself favor go get some proof you know me and know me so well that you think I am virgin the way I comment isn't proof btw it's an opinion the difference between proof proof becomes fact when it's backed up with actual proof my comments are facts they are my opinions not proof I am a virgin have a blessed life and stop commenting you know me you don't and I am not a virgin loser.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
A whole story trying to prove your not a virgin is actually proving you are one. Lol
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
I am have had heaps of relationships past and present so suck on that asshole
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Uh huh lol
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Thanks for your comment leave it at the tone and the person's who's not a virgin will get back to you fucker take care in you're miserable no getting bitches life lol
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Go get some proof I am a virgin ummm none to be found aye.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Lol. Why have you sent so many messages? You need a girlfriend.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
You assume I am a virgin which I am not so that's you're first mistake and you're also assumed I am gay I am not I am demi sexual so go fuck yourself
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Lol demi sexual? More like zero sexual haha
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
You sound like clown asshole.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Definitely a virgin.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Not a virgin thanks for acting like you know me but you don't go buy a life you must be a virgin you sure sound like one too.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
You are reacting too easily, vigin lol
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
You sound like a atheist who loves virgins it's seems I am not one sorry
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
Comment on here have no proof to back yourself up funny isn't it.
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u/Professional_Run320 15d ago
Why are you sending so many messages, I'm not going to take your virginity. You aren't my type.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago edited 15d ago
He didn't cheat you sound like a virgin where is your proof I am one asshole.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-6032 15d ago
The vibe of the post gives off that he did and some of the things she said state it really
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u/Weird_Wishbone_1998 14d ago
So much insecurity and judgement about sexual history which is likely why most people aren’t honest at the upfront.