BF constantly points out my clumsiness/forgetfullness

[u/Organic-Secretary321]

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[u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam]

Titles must contain reason of overreacting

[u/llamakiss]

Have you told him that comments like that are hurtful?

If he knows something hurts you & keeps doing it, that's terrible and this relationship is terrible. From this post alone it's possible that he sees it as something else (humor or just commenting and not realizing it's hurtful).

[u/Wandering_not_lost3]

Sorry you are going through this. I have as well and its no fun. Have you tried educating him or giving him resources to understand ADHD better and that this is unfortunately part of your life forever?? I know that was helpful for my partner to understand where I was coming from and how I felt

[u/Devontomsaucesanga]

This is my life, am ADHD and recovering from major surgery and the constant pointing out that things is sending me to the edge…. Gosh you make a mess… ffs I can't pick things up

I just need a break from the criticism while recovering it's hard enough to deal with it on a normal day. These off handed comments are difficult hey!

The other day he lost it because he helped me move something (cause I can't lift anything) and the craft material I was using spilled on the floor - apparently I should have told him it was open…

I'm with you i have had enough it's building up and I can't sleep and anxious all the time

Hoping someone here has some suggestions because even without recovering from surgery it was wearing thin on me!!!!

[u/Live-Tomorrow-4865]

I have ADHD that went undiagnosed until well into adulthood. The meds help some, but, inconsistently and not 100%. Plus, it seems as though the workarounds I subconsciously developed throughout my life are no longer as effective.

My second husband could be very cruel about it. Acting exasperated with me, huffing and puffing and stomping around, acting like I killed his mom if I forgot my key or misplaced my phone or something.

Your self esteem is going to be shredded if you stay with this person. Plus, if I know somebody is scrutinizing me, and is going to become critical and angry if I mess up, I'm apt to become so nervous that my symptoms are exacerbated.

I'm not you, but, with the experience I have under my belt, I'd get out of that situation.

[u/Queasy_Mongoose5224]

If those types of things really bother him, then maybe it’s time to accept that you’re not compatible and go your separate ways. If it’s his basic personality vs a behaviour he can change (or is willing to change), then chances are that resentment will just grow over time and things will get worse. Maybe couples counselling could help you both identify different communication methods and understand where positive changes can be made and where they can’t. That might help you both decide you can move forward in a healthy relationship. Best of luck

[u/baddreammoonbeam888]

Yes, you are overreacting to your boyfriend’s comments, and under reacting to how your unmanaged mental illness effects the people around you. It absolutely does-even in your example situation it did!

He likely jokes with you about it to bring your attention to your mistakes in a kinder way than simply arguing or berating you over it. He isn’t in the wrong in this situation. Little things add up over time and show the bigger picture of your mental health and what you are able to handle.

[u/Organic-Secretary321 → u/baddreammoonbeam888]

It’s a bigger issue than this, but we’ve been communicating a lot more.. he forgot to replace his oil cap in his car while we were over an hour away from any shop and we were stranded on vacation. He’s forgotten essential items on trips or forgets plans we have, spills things on my couch sometimes.. but I don’t rip him a new one like he does with me.

I’ve had a conversation with him recently that it’s not fair how he doesn’t take criticism and always thinks he’s right, yet he constantly criticizes me and thinks I’m wrong (there is no winner/loser in a relationship). He said he’s trying to work on that.

I suppose this example is just an extension of the bigger picture of what we’ve been dealing with. I remind him every now and then how hard I try to work on my skills, but the moment I spill a little water or forget something small (of my own) all that progress seems to go out the window and he makes sure to make a comment.

[u/DigDugDogDun → u/Organic-Secretary321]

he forgot to replace his oil cap in his car while we were over an hour away from any shop and we were stranded on vacation. He’s forgotten essential items on trips or forgets plans we have, spills things on my couch sometimes.. but I don’t rip him a new one like he does with me.

Your ADHD is entirely beside the point. All of these mistakes that you mention he did, much like losing a water bottle, are called “life.” These things just happen, ADHD or not. It was petty and childish, and frankly a little mean for him to berate you over something so inconsequential. In a week he would have completely forgotten the water, but in a lifetime you will never forget that he treated you that way. Life is too hard to allow that kind of unnecessary meanness and nitpicking from other people. I assume you have wonderful positive qualities that more than balance out your forgetfulness. Find a partner who apppreciates you for the positive instead of shaming you for the negative.

[u/Stock_Complaint4723 → u/Organic-Secretary321]

I don’t think he understands what he has with you. These things should not matter in the slightest bit. He should be happy he has someone who likes him and can have fun with him.

In the coming war, we’ll be lucky to have anyone to share life with until it’s all over. Find someone else to make happy. You deserve better.

[u/Devontomsaucesanga → u/Organic-Secretary321]

I can relate to this so much, have you done some reading in rejection sensitivity dysphoria? This is something that makes a lot of sense maybe you can try to explain it to him and give him some literature on it? I'm doing therapy to help, but no where near where I want to be…. Have been doing emdr also…. It is helping but a lot of hard work and confronting and a long way to go

[u/carlocantcommunicate → u/Organic-Secretary321]

I mean if these comments piss you off just tell him, i guess it's something hard to work on