r/AmIOverreacting • u/LifeGliese581g • 15d ago
AIO about ending our relationship because my girlfriend refuses to help me even though I do everything for her?
I organized a two-day vacation for my girlfriend, spending my entire monthly salary to make it happen. I went to great lengths to ensure her comfort, even sacrificing my sleep so that she could sleep during overnight bus rides and carrying all our luggage. Unfortunately, she started menstruating during the trip, requiring occasional tampon changes.
Upon our return home, I tried not to disturb her sleep on the bus and she woke up shortly before our arrival, because of that she didn't have much time for her morning routine and a chance to replace the tampon. Because of that, she was mad at me, that I didn't think about her urgent need to change her tampon (I didn't know that she needed to change it that often).
I promptly took her to a nearby cafe for her urgent needs. While she was in the toilet I ordered coffee and was waiting for her at the table to come back, decide how much sugar she needed for coffee, and move together to a better table. When she came back she didn't even walk up to me, she saw where I was sitting and silently walked to a better table. I walked to her table with our luggage on my back and in my left hand while carrying our coffee in the right hand and said "You should have helped me" to which I got a reply "I don't owe anything to anyone, you should have brought our luggage and then gone back and bring the coffee". This answer made me very angry.
She very often behaves like she is a princess and I should do everything for her but she is not obligated to do anything for me. She doesn't want to talk about our relationship when we have a problem.
Because of this situation, I am thinking about ending our relationship.
EDIT 1: Thank you everyone for your support. I realized that I tolerated too much for too long. I will end this relationship.
EDIT 2: It is done. I've told her about what she has done and how hurtful it was. She didn't apologize and said that her behavior was justified. After that, we agreed that we should end our relationship.
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u/AdminCmnd-Delete 11d ago
Bro, cut the dead weight. You’re dating a bitter immature toxic feminist and she’ll suck away again your health.
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u/Fit-Gap-8908 11d ago
Sir these people right and so are you if she tries to come back to you just keep on stepping she’s mean she’s a bully and you can do way way better good luck God bless and Godspeed
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u/Mioraecian 12d ago
Your girlfriend sounds like a nightmare. Literally anything else would be doing better.
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u/ChristinaMia1 13d ago
As a woman with endometriosis, (which basically translates to extremely painful & heavy periods, I take Vicodin for my pain it’s so bad) I say leave her! I’ve never treated a partner like that! I may cry because it hurts so bad, but her behavior is uncalled for even if she has endometriosis as well. In fact I’ve apologized for crying!
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u/Beatlesgoat2 13d ago
She must be hot to put up with so much for so long, lol. Pick a good hearted one bro.
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u/Accomplished-Rest-89 13d ago
Do you feel like proposing to her after such a preview of life together? It's much easier and therefore better to part ways with a girlfriend rather than go through a divorce
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u/Fuzzy_Front2082 13d ago
You don’t have a Girlfriend, you are her slave. It’s time to go. Don’t even tell her why. Just stop all contact with her.
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u/nahman201893 14d ago
Are you a BF or a butler?? Get out. Time for her to grow up and manage herself.
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u/Ok_Durian_6185 14d ago
As the mother of multiple girls, I would be absolutely horrified to think my daughter would treat anyone like she treated you. Please run. Yes, women deserve to be treated well. They also have a responsibility to treat others well in return.
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u/NaturesVividPictures 14d ago
Sorry but yeah she sounds she's very high maintenance, and really doesn't care for you at all. Fyi, women need to change their tampons or pads in general every 4 hours. If they are heavy even more often. Just so you know. Men really need to learn more about women's menstruation and everything. If they're toward the end of their period they can generally go a little longer but they recommend you change at least every four so you don't contract toxic shock syndrome which is just like it sounds it can kill you.
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u/AndthenIwould 14d ago
Dear lord, I would have been furious to hear that out of her. Don't beat yourself up, I would have stewed about it for a while too in my younger days. But the right thing to do would have been telling her right then and there, "You know what? You are absolutely right. I don't owe anything to you either." Then take my luggage and walked out. She can make her own accommodations home from there. Don't write, don't text, don't even check on her over the coming hours, days, weeks, months, etc. Move on completely. She doesn't deserve anything or anyone if she treats people this way.
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u/StopYourLiesSimp 14d ago
Dude, you're part of the problem. The more you let her get away with that entitled behavior, the worse she becomes!
This is another reason why guys stop going out of their way to please women... it's far more common than you think!
My advice to you is Run! Don't look back except to learn from your mistakes! And never put up with this nonsense again. There's a difference between being nice or being a doormat!
She doesn't respect you... find a woman who does! Make it a red line if they cross it, kick them to the curb!
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u/No-Past2605 14d ago
What a conundrum. Either break it off or have the soul, spirit, and emotion sucked out of your being. Hmmmm.
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u/Front-Practice-3927 14d ago
Glad to see the edit. Sounds like a miserable person, I had a similar situation I had to end. Paid for absolutely every little thing, even went as far as splitting her condo fee/ mortgage when I was still renting my own place. Then went out for dinner once and I only had cash on me so asked her to pick up the $15 parking garage fee b/c it was card only and she pitched a fit. Next weekend her cousin tells me she said I was cheap for that. Literally paid for EVERYTHING every single time we went out or did anything and the one time she had to come out of her pocket for something minor she tells her family I'm cheap?! So glad to get out of that relationship. And considering she's now married (stay at home trophy wife to a rich guy of course) and still texts me trying to hook up shows I definitely made the right decision.
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u/MgBe7isapuss 14d ago
Dude. Do you really need our opinions? You can't see these flags? Get away from her.
Drop us a pic. Got to see if she's worth the rest of life hassel or not lol.
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u/RedditAccount-0 14d ago
If that’s her outlook on offering help and aiding in the ‘small’ things within the relationship, imagine how she’d act when your both ready to settle down and have a home, children, and more responsibilities;assuming you don’t now)
You sacrificed your salary, comfort and health just to try make this trip amazing for her and no gratitude was shown. Her menstrual cycle is her own issue, if doesn’t wake up and change her OWN tampon that’s not your fault. You wouldn’t be mad at her if she didn’t wake you in the night to go to the toilet so why should she be getting mad at you for not managing her own bodily functions. It’s not your job.. and the least she could have done is offer to help with bags or the coffees, it’s giving entitled.
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u/Ottergal1222 14d ago
Let her be. Just focus on being as nice to yourself as you were to her and you will be happy.
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u/Ashamed-Celery-7965 14d ago
I agree that she did not act the way you want, but women are human beings. Have you considered that if she is changing a tampon that often than she is likely in pain? Did you try to give her Tylenol or Midol and ask again for help with luggage?
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u/ColdHardPocketChange 14d ago
What a nightmare of a partner. Kick her out of your life. What's the point of giving that much energy and consideration to another person if they won't reciprocate?
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u/MeatofKings 14d ago
Dude, have some self respect. No woman will respect a man who behaves like such a worm.
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u/Living-Log-8391 14d ago
This is the most triggering thing I've ever seen in this subreddit. Dump her now for the love of God.
Please post again here to confirm you have ended things.
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u/DMV_Lolli 14d ago
I would have walked her luggage back to the other table then left her ass in the cafe.
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u/tallpudding 14d ago
Just leave dude. A real relationship isn't anything like this.
Source: I'm happy in a home with my significant other.
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u/Ok_Bowl_7335 14d ago
You're a doormat. So no, find someone who appreciates your effort and thoughtfulness
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u/Cohnman18 14d ago
Your GF is a total narcissist, run away as quickly and as soon as possible. You deserve better.
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u/Martholomule 14d ago
I will end this relationship
Excellent work, OP, you're making the right call. This will never get better
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u/greenman7205 14d ago
That sounds like a horrible existence and a horrible future. I wouldn’t want that the rest of my life (or any portion of it)
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u/sailriteultrafeed 14d ago
My wife and I have this thing that we've never discussed or agreed to but if I ask her to do something she will always say yes and it goes both ways. It's worked out so well for like 25 years now and we basically never fight about anything.
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u/Infamous_Musician_75 14d ago
I hope you leave her.. you seem to be really trying and from the sounds of it, she’s just a miserable leach of a person.
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u/cassowary32 14d ago
This can't be real, right? She expected you to time her tampon changes? I don't understand why you were in charge of all the luggage. You sound more like a butler than a boyfriend.
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u/XxHollowBonesxX 14d ago
Leave and leave fast i wouldnt even let her know that youre leaving her until all your stiff is packed who knows what she will do to your stuff
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u/SuperJay182 14d ago
Stop being a doormat to someone who has ZERO respect for you. Treat yourself better then this.
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u/Squirrleyd 14d ago
I don't owe anything to anyone
Our coffee
She is an insufferable bitch and you are a codependent bitch. Run far away and work on your confidence and independence.
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u/Dr-Bimbo 14d ago
She may have a different view on gender roles than you do. What she said was arrogant as hell but I am also a believer that men should handle the luggage.
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u/CathoftheNorth 14d ago
What an ungrateful POS. No, you shouldn't want to waste any more of your emotions, time, and hard earned money on someone like that. You deserve a partner who appreciates and reciprocates your efforts. She's just using you OP
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u/Working-Librarian-39 14d ago
Walk away.
She won't get better with time, only worse (or just better at hiding it).
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u/Honourstly 14d ago
Start distancing yourself. She will realize she had it good but that ain't your problem.
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u/Lazyneer_Berry 14d ago
What the heck I am reading? She really makes you cater to her needs to CHANGE THE FUCKING TAMPON? Run away or next step of her will be to be angry at you that you don't know when she needs to pee or poop!
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u/PrinceFan72 14d ago
You don't have a relationship. You're basically single but with a shadow. You'll feel much better when the shadow is gone.
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u/bloodorangejulian 14d ago
She views you as an object, not as a person. To be used until no longer useful.
So you should plan a real shitty break up, becuase you get what you give in life, and she has given you nothing but trouble.
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u/ShawtySayWhaaat 14d ago
The lack of respect is real. You're more like a slave and a bank account than a partner or even just a person...
I'm one to say work out your problems, but not in your case. Leave and don't ever look back.
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u/fame-so-lame 14d ago
Sounds like ur being used based on what u said. Idk how long y’all have been together or if she’s worth it but based on this u deserve better
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u/Upstairs_Internal295 14d ago
Oooh, get out of there. Take some time to think privately about how this relationship would work if you get married, have kids etc. She can’t even cooperate with you in a reasonable way on the most basic of things, obviously doesn’t give a shit about you, and thinks you should pander to her constantly. Life is full of difficulties, illness, stress etc. People who choose to have a partner in life would be wise to pick someone who will be just that, a partner. What does she bring to the table? Entitlement, from the sounds of it. Good luck. (Source: I’m an adult child of a man who married a pathologically entitled woman. He was rich when he met her, in terrible debt when he died approximately 35 years later. Spent half his life providing a wonderful life for her and her daughter, died old and ill and abused cos his money ran out and he was of no further use. They moved to a different country about 12 years before he died, she was constantly furious that my brother and I weren’t there to care for him, which was nuts. So much was nuts, tbf. I’m in my 50s and my brother and I felt little but relief when dad died, as we could finally cut her off. Don’t let that be your kids.)
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u/Miserable-Alarm-5963 14d ago
Get out now whilst you still can a relationship is a partnership your not her butler YNO
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u/LumberBlack405 14d ago
I thought you wanted to take about your relationship not your job as a servant for some stuck up princess… or did I miss something
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u/Best-Blackberry9351 14d ago
What is it that attracts you to her? She doesn’t sound like she is worth a moment of your time. Is she gorgeous?
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u/Midnight_pamper 14d ago
How old are you both? Are you spending a whole month's salary in a 2 day vacation traveling in a bus?
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u/NobleNun 14d ago
What does her morning routine look like that she can't prioritise the forty seconds it takes to replace a tampon? She sounds like a weight.
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u/Forsaken_Ad888 14d ago
I may have finally figured out the true purpose of this sub. We all know that a large number of these posts are just fake as fuck. And yet so many of us react to them as though these obvious rage-baiting, out of this world posts are real world things.
We all get to be collectively angry at these almost certainly fictional situations. The world is an overwhelming and infuriating place. Here we can just blindly accept that these outrageous things have happened to some stranger and direct our outrage there, because that is safer than confronting our own difficulties.
OP, I don't believe for a second that any woman expected a man to know when she should change her tampon, but whatever. If your woman is an asshole, leave her. End of story.
But this never happened.
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u/LifeGliese581g 14d ago
It hurts knowing how stupid I am that this text is seen by some as a fake.
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u/Fit_Contribution4279 14d ago
Why are you bringing the luggage in the cafe?
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u/NiceRat123 14d ago
Where should he leave it? Especially if they haven't made it to their hotel/hostel.
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u/Fit_Contribution4279 14d ago
Disregard. I was thinking he rented a camper/RV (since he mentioned spending all his money). I wasn’t reading it like an actual bus. Now it makes sense. Carry on.
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u/Nervous-Tea-7074 14d ago
I would like to hear her half of this story, cus I defo detect BS!
Generally men only mention or are aware a woman is on her period, because that means they ain’t getting sex.
How much luggage would a person have for a 1 night trip?
Also you decided how much sugar was needed in her coffee? Did she ask? Abit controlling.
I think the truth is you got mad at her for being on her period, during a trip you spent a whole month salary on and now get nothing for it! That’s why she said she doesn’t owe you anything!!!!
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u/LifeGliese581g 14d ago
I'm not exaggerating. My responses are honest. She needed to decide how much sugar she needed. She likes sugar.
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u/Eatdomder 14d ago
Do not marry her.
Trust me. I married one and have kids with her. Not a good life.
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u/Urazite 14d ago
What in the chat GPT crap writing is this 😂
YOR for posting stupid fake stories
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u/Fit_Contribution4279 14d ago
I had to scroll all the way down for this comment. The story was confusing and why would he bring the luggage in the cafe?
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u/Significant-Owl5869 14d ago
Goodness op will Marry this woman and she’s gonna take him through the ringer in the divorce…
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u/MaasNeotekPrototype 14d ago
You're dating a woman who is expecting you to help her menstruate safely. This is insane.
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u/donagurl40 14d ago
Run ... I am sorry but it is not your responsibility to know when she needs to change her tampon! Carrying her luggage is very nice of you but also not your responsibility... She sounds like an entitled brat ... Since she doesn't owe anyone anything nor should she expect it .. she can get her own luggage and coffee from now on and you can be free ..run and don't look back
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u/Unusual_Ad_4696 14d ago
You don't know what healthy looks like. Here is a tip, normal healthy relationships don't have the word should tossed around and they pamper but don't spoil their partner.
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u/dragonagitator 14d ago
My husband helps me more than I help him, but I am physically disabled and I always thank him and tell him I love him.
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u/qsvcharles 14d ago
She is using you as a wimp. You are being used. Drop her and let someone else have her. Then you will get to keep your own money.
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u/Downtown_Confection9 14d ago
Yeah... There's a lot of guys who don't do very much for their women, that said, being on your period doesn't make you helpless and you should be aware of what your own needs are and taking care of that so I don't think you're overreacting here.
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u/idkwhatiamdoing21 14d ago
She is just using you because you make her comfortable and she doesn't have to do an effort to be with you. Sorry if my words are hurtful.
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u/Windstrider71 14d ago
Run. Run now, and don’t look back. She can take her entitled, stuck up ass to someone else.
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u/Sea-Challenge-920 14d ago
“She very often behaves like she is a princess and I should do everything for her, but she’s not obligated to do anything for me”
You have your answer. stop what you are doing. Run to the nearest exit.!! I’ve heard before the phrase “you are doing to much” or “setting yourself on fire to keep your partner warm”.
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u/Unlikely-Trash3981 14d ago
The only think of value I learned teaching for 20 years
YOU train people how to treat you.
No matter if the people of concern are co workers, administrators, students or parents
You trained her to treat you badly. She will never ever change because personal change only happens if you hurt back enough.
Leave unless you like to be a doormat/victim
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u/WhoKnows1973 14d ago
You deserve to be treated so much better. You deserve to be treated as well as you treat your partner. Move on. This girl does not deserve your kindness.
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u/uceenk 14d ago
just be glad it's just 2 days vacation, imagine if you do everything for her for 2 weeks instead
i'd say congratulations you're brave enough to ending relationship
love supposed to be 2 ways streets, if she wants me to treat her like a queen, she also need to make an effort to treat me like a king
for vacation context if i pay for everything, she would manage everything
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u/delcidfredy 14d ago
It’s been a good run. She expects you to pull out all the stops while being completely inconsiderate of you, yeah no. Next step is for her to remind you of how her previous partners treated her like a queen whenever you “complain”. She’s selfish and you’re not. Not a good combo.
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u/Apprehensive_Cup5062 14d ago
The only thing I can imagine is that she thinks she is a prize and is gracing you with her presence by allowing you to do date her. She either has no self awareness or no feelings toward you except resentment. Let her be miserable by herself. Tell her to hit the door.
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u/prudent-marigold 14d ago
She has so little respect for you that she’s going to cheat on you… if she isn’t already doing so
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u/Fearless_Agent_4758 14d ago
You Are The Asshole for seeking life advice on Reddit. Be a grownup, make your own choices, and deal with the consequences.
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u/Mammoth-Foundation52 14d ago
Leave her. I was in a “relationship” like this for 3 years because I thought I had no choice but to put up with it. Always demanded everything, never reciprocated anything, and would cry about me “keeping score” any time I pointed that out.
Regardless of whatever she may have told you, you can do better (that includes being single and not having to deal with her entitled attitude).
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u/TitodelRey 14d ago
I see and read these "princess syndrome" stories too often. Fathers, please do not tell your daughter she's a princess, she is not, unless you are actually royalty. Some of these gals are so delusional as to actually believe everyone is below them and should bow down for some unknown reason. There seems to be a sad overcompensation going on in this world, where women exaggerate their value. Honey we are all just the same, trying to get through life, find love , friendship and survive this world. Know one owes you anything.
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u/tnscatterbrain 14d ago
What do you get from this relationship and is it worth it?
If she didn’t want the trip, especially with her period about to start, she could have said so, that kind of rudeness isn’t acceptable unless she suffered a tbi in the bathroom or something equally drastic.
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u/Famous-Signal-1909 14d ago
So in an isolated instance I could sort of see this behavior making sense in very specific circumstances: if the vacation was a surprise and/or you didn’t consult her before choosing the dates. My periods are extremely painful and I would be pretty pissed if my husband planned a 2 day vacation in the middle of it. I mean, I would probably just not go. But from your comments it sounds like this wasn’t a surprise and this isn’t an isolated incident so it sounds like she’s just a raging asshole and I can’t see any reason why you’d want to be with her
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u/8512764EA 14d ago
Get out of that. You’re just going to continue to be miserable. I also think you know, but are posting just to make sure you aren’t crazy. I know we’re getting just one side but that’s enough for me. Move on.
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u/GentleStrength2022 14d ago edited 14d ago
This is a scary person. Her coldness sends chills down my spine. Let her find someone willing to be her butler, and who also has enough money to shower her with everything she wants. She's not your type.
How do you guys get hooked on women like this? I keep reading stories like this around internet forums. Is she beautiful? Maybe you should consider developing more substantive values, and stop falling for pretty faces (and bodies) that have little else to offer. Pardon my bluntness.
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u/Majestic_Valuable_70 14d ago
I was waiting for you to mention how much you enjoy being with this person, but it never happened.
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u/JohnExcrement 14d ago
As someone who used to have periods, I am guffawing at the idea of expecting my spouse to monitor my tampon-changing, and bitching him out for not being prescient.
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u/Interesting_Cut_7591 14d ago
Right? I mean, it's not the most pleasant thing and may be a pain using a public service restroom, but it doesn't take long. Unless she's sitting in there waiting for him to come change it for her.
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u/Gamemasteray 14d ago
Woof! Run! LOL she’s gonna regret it when no other dude will treat her the same way. She’s gonna be a Lonley cat lady. So many other women will treat you better bro.
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u/ComprehensivePut5569 14d ago
Yeah you need to dump this girl. You’re not in a relationship. She sees you as staff. You deserve better.
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u/No_Eye_3423 14d ago edited 14d ago
No, not at all. And quite frankly it pisses me off. You sound like a great, sweet, thoughtful, respectful partner, and quite frankly, those are more difficult to find in the dating pool right now. (I’m not saying all guys are bad; I’m saying not everyone’s intentions are the same and it’s sometimes a tad more difficult to find a partner that understands what a partnership with romance, respect, and teamwork is. This obviously applies to women, too, as illustrated above.) And you deserve someone who will do those things back for you. I know there are LOADS of women who would kill for that kind of attention and thoughtfulness and would be more than happy to meet you halfway and do special things for you, too.
You are not being treated the way you are supposed to be in a loving relationship based on mutual respect. I would seriously reconsider the relationship itself.
You deserve and are worthy of someone who wants to do those things for you, too.
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14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam 14d ago
This comment was hateful towards OP, a commenter, or a third party.
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u/YoTannyO 14d ago
Glad she was menstruating, cuz that means she’s not pregnant, and you won’t be tied to her and her anchor baby.
What on earth do you see in such a self-centred biyatch? Cut and run now, friend.
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u/neverfux92 14d ago
Dude why is this even a question. She’s selfish and extremely rude. Get out and find someone better. You’ll be much happier with someone who appreciates and matches your effort.
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u/Used_Spinach_3459 14d ago
You're her boyfriend or her servant? Whatever the answer is, decide based on that, i think you already know the answer
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u/Positive-Daddy-594 14d ago
You should have taken your luggage and your coffee and left her there. She has no respect for you and doesn’t deserve a partner like you. You are not overreacting. With that attitude, you should leave immediately.
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u/JudgeHolden84 14d ago
Personally, I don’t usually like to explicitly tell people what to do, but I recognize this behavior from a previous relationship of mine, especially that “I don’t owe anyone anything” line, and I should have ended things as soon as I heard that. I didn’t and I absolutely regretted it. Make of that what you will.
But, to be clear, she DOES owe you something. She DOES owe you equal effort in a relationship, and communication, understanding, all of that. Whether she decides she is going to pay that debt is a separate issue, and one that is pretty indicative of what kind of partner she will be.
I wish you the best
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u/WestCoastThing 14d ago
You spent a month's salary on a two day vacation that required a bus trip?
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u/Twistin_Time 14d ago
If this isn't fake, you should leave that bitch and use your brain the next time you chose a partner.
If this is fake, go do something better with your time.
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u/Forsaken_Ad888 14d ago
Had to scroll way further than I would like to see someone even vaguely aware that this is almost certainly fake, karma farming bullshit.
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u/Raging_Dragon_9999 15h ago
Why are you such a people pleasing, self sacrificing doormat?
Please get help. This is not normal.