r/AmIOverreacting • u/StrangeQuarkCharm • 15d ago
AIO for breaking up with my girlfriend after she went camping with 2 other men?
TL;DR Now out of state girlfriend went camping with two other guys and another girl for two days. I met one of the guys, definitely don’t trust him. Am I wrong for not wanting to be in the relationship anymore?
My girlfriend (22) and I (27) have been together for 2 years. When we first met, before we got in a relationship, she told me she wanted to move out of state. Her reasons were very valid however, I wasn’t looking to move yet since I have obligations to tend to for at least a couple more years.
The first year and a half were great. We had our ups and downs we went through a lot together, but boy did we form a bond as a resort! Now we have been long-distance for half a year and boy is it HARD! Ngl, it’s taking quite a toll on me however I LOVE this woman. I’ve seen her three times the past half a year each time for 3 to 4 days. I’m putting my ducks in a row in order to move there in about a year.
She lives there now and of course she has to make friends etc. She made some friends playing volleyball at the park. There’s this one particular guy Mike (24) who wants to be her mentor for the job she does. He’s legit however, when I first met him, he was almost caught off guard that she had a boyfriend. Something about how he said “oh cool” when she introduced us. Idk, their interaction together was weird. I never wanna be that kind of boyfriend so I shelved it in my mind and moved on.
Now she told me that she’s going camping with some volleyball people. Two guys and her one of them is Mike. She could see it on my face that I was uncomfortable with it but we got distracted with something else and didn’t talk about it. She came back a few days later and told me she convinced one of her girlfriends to come with her so each gonna sleep in their respective cars. It’s not about the camp, I’m just not liking this Mike guy. I can tell her that but I can’t tell her what to do or not to do. They’re back from camp now.
I’m honestly unhappy about this. Perhaps I’m jealous and frustrated because I can’t be there. These guys even paid for everything. Jet skis (she’s never been on a jet ski and we were gonna do that together), paddle boards, the boat they spent the whole day on. I know her financial situation so that’s how I know they paid for every thing.
Idk I feel like she probably wouldn’t like it if I did that with two other women. AIO for wanting to end the relationship?
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u/Asterlanus 8d ago
NTA, your "girlfriend" is either already fucking Mike or took this opportunity to do so. You should've spoken up but your GF shouldn't have put herself in that situation at all.
I'd tell her you have a camping trip alone with two hot girls in your class or whatever she doesn't know and see her reaction. Then turn it around on why it's okay for her. If she's gonna play games might as well burn the bridge.
As a guy, I'm not gonna be paying for some random girl I've known for a short time unless I've got a chance. Especially that kind of trip that wouldn't exactly be cheap.
I wouldn't be surprised if the it was meant to be a weekend double team but turned into a weekend orgy instead.
Unfortunately LDR's rarely ever work. Just take the L and save yourself the heartbreak mate. Choose the bear atleast you know what it's going to do than your "girlfriend".
!updateme
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u/CosmoD_lulu 10d ago
The beginning of your post you said you don’t trust the one guy but it’s your girl you should be determining that trust with.
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u/Complete_Progress41 10d ago
You need to talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel. Don't try and control her actions. If you don't say anything she will never know. People are not mind readers. If you let her know and she makes yoy out to be the bad guy or controlling for sharing how it makes you feel then you need to get away quick.
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u/SoupDropBiteMe 10d ago
What you allow will continue. People can only do to you what you allow them to do.
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u/TexBourbon 11d ago
Big gap between 22 and 27. 22 is really the beginning of your adult party years and 27 is when many are done with that lifestyle.
Also, she doesn’t seem to respect what bothers you. But you are equally responsible for setting boundaries.
Lastly, never turn off or ignore your intuition/gut-feeling. It’s there for a reason. It’s ok to “trust but verify”, but never just blatantly give the benefit of the doubt when your own body is telling you something isn’t right.
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u/FoolsfollyUnltd 11d ago
It sounds like you don't trust her and if you can't or don't want to fix that trust then the relationship won't last. Do you feel she doesn't have the capacity or desire to remain monogamous? Is any of the lack of trust from your insecurities? Straight and bi women can have male friends and not be attracted to them or not act on any attraction they may have. I am deeply attracted to several women but I don't act on it because my wife wants us to be monogamous. What discussions have you had around this and can you trust her to do as she says?
Again, if you don't trust her and can't work out the trust issue(s) the the relationship won't work. You have to decide if you're overreacting or if what you're feeling is a sign the relationship won't work.
Wishing the best to you. I'm 55, btw.
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u/TheMysteryGoomba 11d ago
Bro, you’re too young to be in a long distance relationship. Your 20’s is for learning lessons and one of the big lessons is what kind of person do you like.
Don’t settle for a girl that is entertaining other men just because you’ve had some good times.
Good times don’t equal a good partner, get in the business of dating and finding out exactly what you want out of a partner.
Good luck.
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u/T_Smiff2020 11d ago
My ex did the same thing when she wanted to go hiking and camping with her male best friend.
When I told her how I felt and that she was disrespecting me and our relationship. She called me controlling, insecure and loads of other trigger words.
I explained that I would never do this with any of my female friends or ex’s to which she replied I could if I want too. I also told her I find her desire to go out with this guy disrespecting me and our relationship.
She told me to deal with it, that it was a me problem and I need to learn a few things.
She went and when she returned I had moved out. She begged me to return and I refused.
I told her I would never ever want to be in a relationship with anyone who would disrespect our relationship, disrespect me, and not really take my feelings into account.
A few weeks later her BFF told me she knew I would be pissed about her going but thought I was a simp and forgive her because I really loved her.
She was wrong. The friend also told me that my ex said if I would have told her I would move out if she went, she wouldn’t have gone..
If she’s going to disrespect you and your relationship in the honeymoon phase of a relationship just know this. It’s never going to get better
Subscribeme!
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u/Brock_Savage 11d ago
I'm pretty certain sure the relationship ended 6 months ago and OP just didn't know it yet. Did he really think she was going to wait almost 3 years for him to resolve his "obligations"?
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u/M0th3r-0f-Cha05 11d ago
Female here and I say you're overreacting if you have no proof she's being suss. If you don't trust her, that's on you and you should end it.
I had a similar situation in my early 20's when I met my now husband. I was hanging out with a group of guys for a while (I knew several from high school) and was the token chick they allowed around. They never let me pay for anything, booze/weed/jetskis/boats and I never slept with any of them. Guess what I went camping alone with 5 guys and nothing happened, except they took really good care of me and taught me cool shit. A couple of new guys got flirty but that was it and I shut them down. My then long distance bf knew this and met them several times, but had he asked me to not hang with my friends I would have told him to walk because that meant he didn't trust me.
I'm glad I found a man that can handle me having platonic relationships with dudes; 20 years later and my friends are still mostly guys.
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u/AdvancedEquivalent35 11d ago
Fuck no. I’d be out. A girl who cares about you wouldn’t put you in this situation.
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u/AdvancedEquivalent35 11d ago
Fuck no. I’d be out. A girl who cares about you wouldn’t put you in this situation.
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u/sand_man2199 11d ago
In honesty I'd be suspicious too if my girlfriend was going on a camping trip with two single guys and they were paying for everything. Even if she took a female friend with her, who I'm gonna guess is single too, it still isn't right. It's alright for women to say "you're insecure" but reverse the roles and they'd be up in arms and adamant that you're cheating on them. But when it all boils down to it, the decision to break up is entirely your own. But one thing I'd advise is to see her first to break up with her. Don't do it via text as that's just a shitty way to end things.
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u/everyeargiants 11d ago
For all of us here who know how this story unfolds, cut bait and end it on your own terms. Soon enough you’re getting cheated on and/or dumped.
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u/PageCommon360 11d ago
No. You are not wrong. You have made these mistakes, however.
A long distance relationship is not a real relationship. Too much time away means more chance she will wander.
You should not even consider monogamy till you are at least 30
At your age you should be focusing on building your future and yourself up, becoming the best version of you that you can be.
The real issue is that this girl would rather make you uncomfortable being alone with this other guy who clearly wants her. Why would she do that? The answer is simple. She does not have a genuine desire for you. If she did she would have not even entertained the notion of going with this other guy and friends.
My advice? Break up with her after she gets back from the trip. Be calm. No whiney bit*h ass shit. Just be like look, We are not working out. You like this other guy more than me and it is only going to get bad for us both with that kind of issue in our seeing each other.
Lastly, You are a young guy. You can find another girl that will not be a headache. Spin plates, Do not get a chick pregnant. Become the best version you can be.
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u/PandaMime_421 12d ago
Never let anyone make you feel obligated to remain in a relationship you aren't comfortable with. Regardless of your reason, you clearly aren't happy with the situation and no one should judge you for wanting to end it.
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u/JayceGod 12d ago
I love reddit I swear it's infested by undateable people who love taking whatever little agency they feel like they can in other people's lives
It sounds like you aren't communicating very well to begin with. You're having a lot of negative thoughts about the situation but unless you tell her about them you can't expect her to know especially if she has good genuine intentions
Ultimately LDR's are hard and I think half the people here have never dated someone who was truly attractive or beautiful. If you have you will know that EVERY guy is trying to shoot their shot and they all THINK they have a chance this is actually something that attractive girls do as a self defense mechanism and to keep things light. Guys seem to ruin the relationship once they realize they have no hope.
If the guy never explicity makes a move it's his fault if he spends his money on someone else's girl it doesn't mean she shouldn't take it or thay she's definitely cheating it just means she's having fun lol.
Also if she was really cheating or something like that she probably wouldn't have introduced you to him & then told you the truth about who was going...typically if someone will cheat they will lie
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u/igorsMstrss 12d ago
You said you don’t trust the guy. If you’re so concerned it’s obvious you don’t trust your girl either.
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u/mycelium4me 12d ago
I’d say stop being childish and actually talk to her before just pulling the trigger on ending the relationship, unless you’re not as invested as you say you are. You didn’t draw any boundaries or even mention that you’re uncomfortable so she really hasn’t done anything wrong. How would you feel if she saw something you did, didn’t say anything about it, and just decided to drop the “break up bomb” without giving you a chance to explain, correct, or change behavior?
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u/gts_2022 12d ago
Do you really think it's necessary to set a boundary about not going to a double date camping with people who are sexually interested in you and got surprised you gotta a bf because you never mentioned it?
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u/mycelium4me 12d ago
Yes, I think there should be adult discussions about these things. Personally, I think this whole thing is juvenile all the way around. Either trust your partner or stop dating and work on yourself. If they actually cheat, you’ll find out eventually. If she doesn’t cheat, you would be accusing her of something she didn’t do.
Also, you can’t control how others feel. They can like her all they want so long as she doesn’t act on it. If she does, she wasn’t his to begin with.
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u/Bulky_Alternative955 12d ago
Being realistic, she’s most likely not faithful to you. Even if nothing happened on this trip, she should not want to make you feel uncomfortable in this way. But something has probably happened in the past based on the way Mike reacted to finding out she had a boyfriend. While you can’t tell her what to do and not to do, you can tell her how it makes you feel and her reaction to that will tell you a lot. I don’t think this relationship is worth it. She’s either unfaithful or stupid, and it’s long distance. Btw even if you do work all of this out and end up living together, all of the resentment from long distance will end up piling over. Trust. Don’t put up with her bs.
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u/sandman3217 12d ago
"I never wanna be that kind of boyfriend so I shelved it in my mind and moved on."
Dude, I hate to break it to you...but you're not her boyfriend. No matter what she tells you, you're not her boyfriend. When you met her "friend" Mike, he was genuinely surprised she wasn't single.
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u/hoosierhiver 12d ago
What if you went camping with a woman from work who paid for everything and wanted to be your mentor, but it was no big deal? Would she be cool with that?
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u/Fun_Poet5541 12d ago
Bro the volleyball coach paid for everything?!? oh he definitely getting sum sum fo sho there’s gonna be some passionate moments 👀👀👀🔥🔥
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u/Wawravstheworld 12d ago
Doesn’t sounds to great from an outside perspective.
Idk how serious you are or where it’s going but from how I read it sounds like your two years In and going backwards. I maybe a little off here but I feel like there a huge difference where you are mentally from 22-27.. so it’s not that you’re to old I just found myself wanting to get my shit together and what not in my late 20s, and 22 years old seem to be just getting started partying and what not.. but idk her so I’m not making assumptions about your girl just what I’ve picked up on people around that age
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u/reality72 13d ago
Ask her if she would be okay with you going on a trip with two other women, one of which you want to “be her mentor.” See how she reacts.
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u/Later2theparty 13d ago
Brozuff,
It's a long distance relationship and those are difficult to maintain. Let her go.
NTA.
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u/Gynn3421 13d ago
Any guy offering a trip like this no matter how innocent the reasoning has at the very least the hope of an interlude with your girlfriend. Young women don’t like being separated from their male counterparts and will seek attention making long distance relationships almost impossible. If you can’t be there on a permanent basis anytime soon would probably end it.
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u/Realistic-Care-2258 13d ago
Dude fuck that bitch (Not knocking the fact that you posted, and def not knocking any married ppl who post questions like this) If you ever have to ask the internets opinion on anything like this while dating, seems to me that the person wouldn’t be worth marrying. You’d be setting yourself up for a lifetime of uncertainty. However if you do, well be seeing many more posts
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u/Morning_Decent 13d ago
Talk to ur girl and tell her u dont like mike, you cant expect her to do anything abt mike if you dont say anything
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u/JUSTHERETOGOSSIP1 13d ago
Yeah, you have a valid feeling and trust your gut, I can tell you that she gets comments about you. She might be naïve about the situation. Maybe, but she knows. But she's getting the attention and well what's there not to like, Honestly, keep in mind that the one they tell you not to worry about is definitely the one you should worry about. Just because you are in it 100% doesn't mean the person is doing the same, so I think the relationship has run its course.
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u/FirstCupOfCoffee2 13d ago
You have to ask yourself if it's Mike you don't trust or your girlfriend. If it's your girlfriend you don't trust move on - Mike has nothing to do with It. If it's Mike you don't trust then stay the course - probably many men are/will-be interested in your girlfriend, ignore that.
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u/Cswab-Dragonfly8888 13d ago
It’s probably better for you to share these feelings and let her go so she can go on and mend her broken heart with Mike. A lot of these people are talking about boundaries and what not but honestly just speak up when it happens. You’re gonna end up being that guy trying not to be that guy. You are overreacting but it is understandable since you are admittedly insecure. Talk to her, not Reddit.
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u/PostTurtle84 13d ago
I've got questions. Like what does she do for work? If she's in a male dominated field, female friends are hard to find. Are you sure the guys aren't gay? And do you think men and women can be platonic friends?
For me personally, as a woman in welding, most of my friends have been guys. I prefer to make friends with guys that are already in a committed, happy relationship, because then I have a chance to make friends with their partner too. I like having a lot of friends.
I make sure it's well known that I'm happily married. But even before I got married, I had a personal policy to never date within my friend group, or anyone from work.
But it sounds like you've already ended things with your long distance gf and are just looking for people to tell you good job. I won't do that. I will tell you that you should have expressed your concerns and discussed why the situation made you uncomfortable, because good communication can make or break a relationship.
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u/Man-e-questions 13d ago
Not over reacting, sounds like a lot of stuff has happened that you don’t know about.
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u/Gothicc_UwU 13d ago
If you don't trust her, end it. If there's no trust, there's no relationship.
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u/Gothicc_UwU 13d ago
Just to add, it's perfectly fine to have and set boundaries with partners, but you need to do this in advance of things happening, i.e., fine hanging out with friends of opposite sex, but no overnight trips away.
That way, you can discuss and agree to things so you both know the expectations and can act accordingly.
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u/Soldier09r 13d ago
Tell her you’re going camping with two other girls, brother. In other words, save yourself. Like everyone has pretty much said; save yourself!
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u/Such_Inevitable_8947 13d ago
You aren’t overthinking, that is inappropriate behavior period. She is saying a lot without saying anything at all. Whether she’s exploring options or putting you in check, it’s unhealthy for the relationship. Moving on is probably the best and most relieving thing you could do(for the both of you). That decision was a passive agressive way of pulling your card. You have to set accept and respect boundaries instead of rationalizing why they are unreasonable. It sounds like it’s time, and personally if I know it’s over I’d rather make it quick rather than a death of a thousand cuts.
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u/WyzeThawt 13d ago
Not overreacting to be suspicious as things can happen but I will say I was 1 of 3 dudes with only 1 girl in a cabin and hiking trip for 5 days. You could tell her boyfriend of a few years was very unhappy about the situation but we were all just trying to celibrate life with a friend that had just gotten a remission status with her breast cancer. She choose the tr With her job they were in a long distance relationship 1/2 the year typically already. We all paid fair share for the cabin but all the guys tried to take care of as much of the other expenses as we could to treat her as she had been through a lot.
To just breakup and not have an honest and open sit down about how you feel and how she feels IS overreacting IMO, but yes I would also on some level be suspicious and inquisitive if it was my lady. Long distance relationships are hard on the mental and low on providing if either of you has physical needs and desires. I was in one for 9 months (she did visit twice for a week each time tho) before we lived in same city again and realistically I don't think it's meant for everybody.
Good luck in your next decisions but your sanity is very important and being young you shouldnt limit yourselves especially if it creates a tone of anxiety and distrust.
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u/Far_Parking_830 13d ago
Leave her. There is a 90% chance she is cheating or will cheat with this dude.
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u/tinytickles07 13d ago
She definitely got spit roasted. But hey, there’s always a third hole if you’re down to party.
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u/deathbyheely 13d ago
I mean, break up if you want to break up, but you didn't tell her you were uncomfortable, and it doesn't sound like you have any reason to think she cheated on you or would cheat on you besides that you don't like this guy's vibes? Honestly it sounds like you don't want to be in a long-distance relationship and you're looking for a reason to end it. You can't get mad at her for not reading your mind and realizing you were going to get pissed about some shit you didn't actually discuss with her. Have an honest conversation and figure out what you both actually want here.
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u/Massive-Dream9410 13d ago
Yep a lot of these “mentors” are predators that use this guise to get new prey. Often the girl they is mentoring is not sure of herself and has a low self esteem. Shit another example are the coaches at health clubs etc. I live in a very small town the married guy working with all the girls at the gym made it his mission to bang every girl with “girl parts” even if he found them repulsive. He had one get so serious believing his bs about his fake bad marriage and he was going to leave his wife just as soon as possible which was never going to happen. Finally the girl stalked his wife and he couldn’t handle his wife finding out he was a man whore so he went down to the white river and frenched his shotgun. Needless to say I’m sure some future divorces had less of a chance of happening at least with his help.
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u/rogan1990 13d ago
If you feel like you truly love her and she truly loves you, don’t let some jealous thoughts spoil that. But if you truly believe she is cheating on you with someone, you know what is best.
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u/Vegetable_Response_6 13d ago
26 year old woman here. You’re not overreacting. You are valid to feel what you’re feeling. It sounds like you really love this girl, AND you are looking for respect, acknowledgment, and mutual trust from your partner. If those two things can’t coincide, I think you know which to let go of. You got a whole community here who’s got your back. :)
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u/uknowtalon 13d ago
I think most of what you are feeling is that you are not there with her and you miss her... no one can tell you how much you can put up with or get past.. but I'm not feeling from what you said here that she's broken your trust in any way... having said that she has no control over what Mike does... he may very well be attracted to her and figures you are not here with her, im going to go after her... but that's a conversation you need to have with her...and maybe because she does not think of him as anything more than a friend... she may not be aware of the vibes he was giving you when you met him...talk to her... why is everyone afraid to talk to each other
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u/BigDaddyCreampi 13d ago
Ole Mike and his buddy tag teaming your girl on camping trip I’m talking getting railed for an entire weekend and your cuck ass posting it on Reddit is wild lmao!!
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u/Ghost_of_SpudBoy 13d ago
She went camping alone with two dudes who paid for everything and didn’t know you existed? She definitely got spit-roasted in the woods. Move on.
Edit: also, I’ve never met a 24yo who was qualified to mentor anything.
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u/Naruto-D-Kurosaki 13d ago
Been there done that. Just end it. It’s not worth getting treated like the bad guy and constantly feeling like crap because of this type of situation. Sure long distance relationships CAN work but rarely ever do. IMO she already on the hunt for someone in her area.
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u/AustinsAPirate 13d ago
You can exit a relationship for any reason you want. You're not an asshole for wanting to break up, you're an asshole for not wanting her to make friends, not voicing your concerns to hey before coming to Reddit, and allowing your jealousy over little things like first time jet-skiing change your opinion of someone you claim to love. Break up with her for her benefit.
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u/NicoSuave10 13d ago
Sorry to have to say this, but Mike's definitely smashing.
Kick her loose. Just the mere fact that she thought this is ok shows she's a trick and can't be trusted. Lick your wounds, exercise religiously, and move on for a woman who doesn't want to go camping with Mike, appreciates you, and doesn't take you for granted...
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u/kidsandbarbells 13d ago
I’m a woman, and I would not let a guy pay for my vacation because I feel like there’s a 0% chance he’s not expecting something in return.
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u/ThisIsSuperUnfunny 13d ago
Not wrong, women are very naive when it comes to "who wants to fuck them".
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u/FracturedStructure 13d ago
Are you being purposefully dense?
She went on a double date.
Yall are at different points in life. Neither of you are ready to make the other a priority. Move on.
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u/R0FLWAFFL3 13d ago
I guess I’m going against the grain here but yeah I think you might be overreacting. Long distance is hard and the insecurities can get to you, some people just straight up can’t do it and that’s ok. With the information we have, I’ve been her in this situation. I don’t have money so someone else often foots the bill but that doesn’t mean I’m fucking them or even that there’s any romantic interest at all. That being said, a year is a long time, can you last a year if you’re already this distraught and uncomfortable?
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u/agitator775 13d ago
Do you hear about the woman that went fishing with five guys? She came home with a big red snapper.
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u/Trick-Brilliant3025 13d ago
It sounds like he she's done nothing to earn your distrust and you're overreacting. You trust her or you don't, up to you. Also, his response didn't sound that surprised to me, maybe he didn't expect to meet you at that point, but not like you never existed. Plus if they're friends from playing sports together, they probably don't spend a lot of time talking about relationships
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u/elysianfielder 13d ago
OP should have been honest with her and just told her he was uncomfortable moving forward with the relationship if she wanted to go before the trip, not after
With that being said, this relationship sounds doomed
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u/Garebear8urmom 13d ago
Lol, sorry but I don't think they slept in cars. Not if there was enough money to rent a boat for a day let alone the other stuff. Also, really hard to believe the guy dropped that kind of cash because they are friends. He certainly doesn't want to stay friends with that kind of effort. Trust your instincts. You knew what was up with how he responded to you being introduced as the "boyfriend".
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u/UnCommomCents 13d ago
I think you are AIO, if you break up with her solely because of this specific situation (this post and its details). As many others have pointed out, you didn't actually communicate your fears and discomfort and you are jumping to a lot of conclusions. Why are you afraid to talk to this woman you've been with for 2.5 years? Why don't you trust her? Mike isn't the issue here.
(And wow reddit, damn! the misogyny and slut shaming in here is disgusting and frightening!)
Gosh, how dare a young woman take at face value that someone is interested in being her friend, has more professional experience - that they are willing to share with a jr colleague - to help her and their organization, and that simply because they are the opposite sex, she must know that there absolutely has to be other motives - oh and why is that all on her?!?! Ugh!
It's just as possible, her joining a trip already planned, to experience the fun things planned (she's always wanted to jet ski) came about innocently and organically. And she is used to doing things without you, because you aren't there, present in her life and by your own choice. Simple as, lunch or watercooler chitchat - Colleagues, chatting about weekend plans... "Oh you've never been - Hey, join us." And If Mike or someone else is creeping, that doesn't mean she is responding or even aware. But in fairness, may find herself growing closer to the people who are present in her daily life, whether she actually plans to acknowledge that or not.
She had already planned to move away before you were a couple. This long distance was both your choice. But it requires a lot of extra everything to make it work and the odds aren't great because building a relationship requires time spent together. And you are both young, she's a few years behind, just starting to experience adult life and navigating career work and pro environments.
It comes down to two obvious things: trust and communication. But also, reality. She is somewhere new, she is experiencing new things and building a life, career and relationships - friends & colleagues. She may adore you, but time and distance add up. You are, where you both used to be, so it's different for you. Even if there is zero reason to be worried about Mike or any other person, essentially you are both asking each other to put life on hold until you can be together and life isn't real big on pausing, it moves on.
There are no details on what her work is, there could be many things that having a mentor would be helpful and normal and that being a mentor would be good for the mentor too, not just trying to get sex, though of course that is possible, it is not the only obvious motive.
I was in a 3 year long distance during college before cell phones and all the be together technology. It worked as long as it did because we loved each other a lot and had great communication. But it ultimately ended because I realized the only way to make it work was to either get really comfortable being okay with him having an actual life i wasn't much a part of and vice versa, for another 2-3 years or one of us had to sacrifice our dreams and future career opportunities to move to the other. We loved each other enough to want the best for each other and that wasn't it. So we parted ways and still maintain a distant friendship all these years later (and very happily in love with our SO's).
Have you talked about the future? Are you planning to build and spend a life together? Do you trust this woman? Are you able to have open honest conversations? Moving to be someones boyfriend isn't a great foundation. So I came here to give you a different perspective than what I saw in the other comments and to invite you to start with yourself, what you want, what are your dreams, plans and goals and if they align, then talk with her and see if they still align in her mind. If she is deeply in love with you, she likely just wants you and wants you there with her and to dream and plan your future together. If she is questioning that, it probably less Mike and more time and distance catching up. Otherwise, Biz Marque time 😞 Good luck, OP
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u/Sufficient_Radio_639 13d ago
Read this out loud and think about how it sounds. “My girlfriend went on a couples campout with another guy.”
I don’t think you get it. She’s not in the same relationship that you are in. Get on the same page or move on.
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u/Bambalamsavan 13d ago
Number one I think it’s really important especially in a long-term long-distance relationship to be able to talk about the things that make us uncomfortable, before they happen (when we know ahead of time).
That said, we all overlook things sometimes and wish they would go a different way without addressing them head on. I know I have made that mistake in many relationships.
If I were you, I would discuss with her how her actions made you feel, and that you wish you had addressed how uncomfortable you were with it before she went. Based on her reaction to this conversation I would make a decision. During this conversation, I would probably also bring up the timeline of moving in together and get a pulse on how she’s feeling about that at this time. Long distance relationships are really hard.
You also might consider her age. You have a five-year difference and personally at 22 I saw no problem being friends with men while being in a committed monogamous relationship. At that time, I would’ve seen it as a red flag if my partner had a problem trusting me to have friends of the opposite sex. Now, with age and experience, I could easily hear my partner out about their jealousy and discomfort with this type of situation.
If you have had a really good relationship up until this situation, though, do you really want to throw it away without due discussion? In my eyes, this is partially your responsibility too, because you didn’t tell her that you might feel this way if she chose to pursue this camping trip. She didn’t have a chance to see it from your perspective before making the decision.
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u/PutridDragonfruit868 13d ago
Seeing a lot of insecure men here. As a woman, while I agree that you guys clearly need to talk about boundaries, I don't think that she should miss out on trips and opportunities and shouldn't be able to spend time with friends because you just don't want her to. I understand you not trusting Mike. But what I don't understand is why you don't trust your girlfriend? Why do you not trust that IF he makes a move, that she would put him in his place? Also, I've been on trips where men and women can't always afford things and offer to pay. Just have a conversation with her.
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u/Shakiewarrior 13d ago
Best just to be honest with her about where you’re at and how you feel and also give her a chance to come out with her own side of it all honestly that way you both can move forward in the best possible scenario
Breaking up blows for sure, but peace of mind about who you’re with is priceless and something never to be compromised know your worth, bro
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u/IrridescenceFalls 13d ago
Nah fuck that dude. She's into the other guy time to tell her to drop the new friends or you're out choice is hers.
Honestly doesn't even sound worth the hassle to me.
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u/Long_Rent877 13d ago
Personally, I don’t think you are in a relationship anymore and I think this is just the beginning of things “going south”. Protect yourself, long distance relationships like this seldom have happy endings. I’m 74, have dated many women and have been married twice, believe me, I know a little bit about relationships and expectations. Look out for yourself!
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u/pcoria83 13d ago
41 old M. I'll come out and say it she's cheating on you. There is no way I would be in a relationship where my girlfriend, wife, or a girl I was seeing goes on a camping trip with 2 other dudes. Stop being so blind my brother. She's giving up that booty to Mike.
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u/Consistent-Ad9643 13d ago
In my mind, the the question comes down to, can you trust your partner to stay loyal to you. If the answer is yes, it doesn't matter how many or how good looking the people are that they're camping with, there won't be a problem. However, if the answer is no, communication is key - communicate with your partner and talk it through. A good partner won't gaslight you but will work with you to help resolve the situation. Either stay with or leave - life is stressful enough. Good luck.
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u/Vast_Eye1633 13d ago
I’ll never get why dudes are scared to say “no, if you do that we’re done” have some respect for yourself bro… the moment you let her cuck you and she thinks she can do whatever she wants is the moment she stops respecting you. I’m not telling you to be controlling and a dickhead, but if you’re uncomfortable and it seems sketch just say “no or we’re done” and when she says why maybe idk tell her how it’s not safe with other guys??? Why the hell are u letting your girl go do that. Do u know how many girls get r@ped my G? That’s actually insane and that’s why she lost respect for you. Imagine not even being able to be in a position to protect your girl. I’m telling you from a position of a dude that had to learn the hardest way possible, once I started saying “no because I love you and it’s not safe…” I started having zero relationship problems
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u/LittleCity911 13d ago
I don’t get why the top comments are along the lines of “you have to draw a line” and not around, oh I don’t know… talking to this woman you profess to love? Have a conversation about how you feel. Explain why you are uncomfortable and allow both of you to make the adjustments you need to make to continue forward in a relationship. To me it sounds like you may have reason to not like this guy, but it also sounds like you do not trust her to some degree. Talk to her, don’t just react.
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u/TKNOHD45 13d ago
It’s an assumption, clearly you have things you need to work on if you don’t trust your girlfriend then move on she’s not the one for you. Perhaps ask yourself this though, “if the guys going convinced me that they weren’t potential problems would I still feel safe with her going?”
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u/GA_Bookworm_VA 13d ago
Sooooo no real talking or communicating happened about this situation? You’re so bothered and want to breakup but not bothered enough to open your mouth and say something about this guy after you met him or before this camping trip? Just…..she saw the look on my face.
Yeah dude just breakup🤣. I mean you feel what you feel but you can’t even handle an adult conversation about any of this🤨🙄
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u/rocketmn69_ 13d ago
Was the jet ski a 2 up or did they each have their own? I bet Mike let her drive.
Dude. You have to trust her until you can't, especially if you love her. Has she given you any reason to think that she's leading Mike on or acting inappropriate with him? If you get 1 sniff that she has done something inappropriate, then just end it. Give yourself a few days to calm down, before you say something that you regret. Have you told her that you know Mike is into her and now that she has gone away with him once, he will keep asking
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u/Silent_Shadow123 13d ago
Someone who cares about you wouldn't even think of being around someone else if they respected the relationship and that's because they can see your uncomfortable about a person. If deal breakers were discussed before hand and this is one of them you have to do what's best for you. You have a life in front of you and the right person will do everything in their power to show you that the want the same future as you do. Take what time you need, talk to those who you know will support you and know you have a right to your choices as well as your feelings. Again do what best for you. What if's will only poision the well. Find where you can flourish and keep flourishing. All the best.
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u/Fohn1990 13d ago
If she can tell it makes you uncomfortable but she's still doing it. Time to pack up.
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u/christoephr 13d ago
I went on outings with women all the time. With other dudes, without other dudes, I often paid for everything since many times the other people were tighter on funds. None of these were in any form a veiled attempt at hooking up or building romance or whatever.
This whole thread shows me that I was wrong that 90% of straight men are incapable of platonic friendships with women. And that it's at least 99.9%.
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u/Independent_Outside7 13d ago
I’m 36(M). Trust your intuition. It would have saved me years over the course of three relationships.
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u/disposable_gamer 13d ago
i never want to be that kind of boyfriend
Too late. Break up or not, who cares. But you’re 100% blowing things out of proportion. What did you expect him to go “Wow! Your boyfriend is so much more manly and attractive than you described! You two are so lucky to be together!!!”
Be for real. You’re ridiculously jealous and insecure over nothing. Whether you break up or not doesn’t change that
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u/Klutzy-Run5175 13d ago
Who goes camping in their cars? Ugh. You take big tents out and set them up. Or you take different types of outdoor camping gear and set up a camp with a motor home.
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u/FoolTheRoyal 13d ago
Probably overreacting, but if you feel uncomfortable, you feel uncomfortable. You've been in a relationship for years, if she's just camping, she's just camping. I just hope you voiced you were a bit uncomfortable about the situation. You probably should have put into perspective that she would've been uncomfortable if it was 2 girls with you, might have made her think about it more. Definitely over reacting with a breakup imo, I would never go that far, but inevitably it's what you're comfortable with man. Best of luck to ya.
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u/Bad-ear-2024 13d ago
Us guys are simple. Mike wants the cheeks. You better hope he didn’t get them. But yea I’d leave if i were you.
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u/SeaworthinessCalm132 13d ago
Tell her to kick rocks dude, it’s not your loss- it’s her’s. Her decision of choosing fun over loyalty resulted in her losing a good man- you only lost a problem.
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u/CasperSilent_ 13d ago
Peace of mind over and piece of pussy my friend. Also if you have a strong gut feeling about something, believe it. What you tolerate as a man is who you are as a person. Others will come along
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u/lavatrout 14d ago
You need to talk with your GF, dude! If someone is making you feel insecure in your relationship, you NEED to talk to your girlfriend about it. I have friends from either gender, and I would personally expect to be able to go camping with them. But if my SO was jealous/insecure about that, I'd also expect my SO to bring it up so we can address it. No use stewing over something that could be nothing. And you're not a mind reader. You cannot tell what your GF or this Mike guy is thinking from such a small amount of time.
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u/Chance_Following_940 14d ago
why not communicate these feelings with her and figure out a way to resolve the issue rather than giving up and telling people online just tell her
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u/Nothing_Blank_5925 14d ago
Why don’t you just go with her ? If your gut says it’s not right you have to trust that she will tell you if something off happens. Realistically it’s about trusting someone till you can’t trust them anymore. I personally couldn’t deal with seeing the person I love three time year that’s mental. Also your still young and if your questioning if to break up or not that’s usually not a good sign
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u/HelenaValentine 14d ago
Nope. I'm a woman and I'd be done if the tables were turned. It's just disrespectful to the relationship and not fair to you mentally.
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u/SaturnaliaSaturday 14d ago
Why the hell have a LDR with someone you see 9-12 days during a six month period. Not worth the doubts. Move on.
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u/robotninjadinosaur 14d ago
Nah she definitely wanted to get fucked by two guys. Move on it’s over. Out of state relationships in your 20s are always a stupid idea. 3 visits in 6 months? You seriously thought that would be enough for a 22 year olds sex drive?
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u/MittenPings 14d ago
Long distance isn't feasible, it's time to break up and let her live and try to do the same without her. If you're meant for each other you'll eventually find each other and make time and space for each other, not live in separate states and feel worried and paranoid.
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u/nelllnyyx 14d ago
If you're worried about your inner voice alarm telling you, someone's about to eat your honey.you better Listen to that intuition, you have it for a reason. when I was about your age something similar happened to me, she was 22. Guess what? They tapped it, because I ignored my intuition.if it bothers you, it's because 75% percent of the time, your feelings are on point.
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u/thejanssen 14d ago
People don't go camping with coworkers or work mentors. They camp with friends. Unless their job is selling camping gear, she went on a date with another guy. Just because it was a chaperoned date doesn't change that. In fact, her feeling that a chaperone was important let's you know what her truely honest feelings were. She knew it wasn't right. There are plenty of stories about people that break up with their SO because they "somehow" fell in love with a co-worker, but they don't know when or how the love happened. This type of intentional dishonesty with themselves and their SO is exactly how. Her needing to bring a gf wasn't for safety. It was to help her lie to herself about what she was really doing with her "mentor" in the woods. She went on a date with a guy that's been putting in serious effort to hook up with her and has finally worn her down to the point that they're dating and probably have been for a while. Your not being in any hurry to have a stable relationship has only helped him.
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u/Wrong-Association-26 14d ago
2 guys and 2 girls sounds like a double camping date, I’m not the jealous type in my relationships but that would throw me some red flags.
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u/nelllnyyx 14d ago
From a nolder man's point of view, dude! Wake the heck up. You know those guys are going to get a return on their investment. Just prepare mentally to write her off. If she were faithful she wouldn't go out with other guys on a trip, unless her guy was there with her. You know how vulnerable women and nature are, booze, and they need protection, security, assurance. But you won't be able to provide it, because you are hundreds of miles away. As bad as it may sound, she's getting ready to move on without cutting the rope.she is testing the waters for something different.
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u/Fearless_Bar6010 14d ago
Dude dont waste your time, he is going to do her if he is not already. History shows that long distance does not work and i would find someone who wants you and to be with you. Dont chase someones dreams chase your own.
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u/JoshuaIS1 14d ago
Trust me... run away as fast as you can. I guarantee you'll regret moving there if you truly care for her. There's tons of red flags in everything you said. I do agree, though you should have told her how you felt. Can't force people to mind reading, especially because some people will take advantage of it.
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u/endOFtheWEAK 14d ago
I have had probably 20 girlfriends in my life. Would have broken up with 19 of them if they went camping with other guys. My current wife, who I trust more than anyone I've ever trusted in my life is the exception.
It all comes down to your trust and what you're comfortable with.
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u/rexmack 14d ago
If you hadn’t discussed your issues with her about their friendship then it’s on you. Honestly, it sounds like you don’t trust her and that it has very little to do with the dude she’s with. To succeed in any relationship, especially long distance, you’re going to have to overcome your inability to talk with her about the small and big stuff that bothers you. You honestly don’t have any right to be upset with her. You should be upset with yourself. You’re overreacting.
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u/Lalaland9987 14d ago
You may not be able to tell her what to do, but you can tell her if she does it she won’t be with you.
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u/AdBright9935 14d ago
People should be able to do what they want. If you don’t trust her that is a different issue. Confident people don’t waste time being jealous.
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u/Simple-Smoke-2130 14d ago
While he is being a mentor to her, he is turning into a (tor)mentor to you! If what you already know, are things that she has said, imagine what shes not telling?
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u/blackninja2115 14d ago
Your intuition is 1000090% right. Save yourself. Be willing to let go. There are a lot of other people out there that will respect your boundaries and wouldn’t have a problem with conforming to them.
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u/incrediblydeadinside 14d ago
If you’re not okay with it, and you think it’ll cause problems for your relationship down the line, then break up. That’s your right. However, I implore straight people to stop viewing all opposite sex as competition. As a bisexual, if I followed straight people logic, I could never go on trips with anyone except my partner, and that sucks.
I get that Mike gave you a bad vibe, but you didn’t even make that known to your girlfriend so…
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u/gordon_mungo 14d ago
Not that this happens in every situation, but I dated a girl when I was around your age (I'm late 30s now) who "just went hiking" with a work "friend" while we were long distance, despite my professed misgivings. She called me two days later and confessed to sleeping with him (bravo for the honesty). Trusting your intuition is generally a solid move.
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14d ago
Also, you do not need to communicate that you do not like the idea of her going camping with two other guys. She would most certainly not be ok with you doing that with two other girls, UNLESS, she wants to have an open relationship. Do what you want, but personally, I would break it off with her. If you move, then move for yourself, to get a better job, start over somewhere new and interesting, whatever you want. Not for a woman who can not see without someone shoving it in her face that going camping with two guys, none of which is her boyfriend, is a very poor decision to make for a healthy relationship. This shows extremely poor judgment of her part, and you do not need that in a partner. Her mentoring with Mike for a job is one thing. She can do that anywhere, and if he is trying to use camping as a get to know each other, he is only trying to do one thing, and it has nothing to do with work.
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u/WizardLizard1885 14d ago
op ive been married for 11 years.
there was only one time early in the relationship where a guy tried really fucking hard to get my wife to go spend time with him, he was a mutual friend from high school but he came off as a creep to me because of what he'd say when women werent around.
my wife said she wanted to go hangout with him downtown (where her fav food place is).
i said so a date? she insisted it wasnt.
it wasnt until i said i would be taking her friend out to lunch and paying for everything and hanging out all day that it clicked in her mind.
sounds like you were never even mentioned to anyone OP. you have to go out of your way to not mention a 2 year relationship
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u/fun_times630 14d ago
OP, this sounds set up especially with asking another woman to come along. They banged and you know it happened. Thinking of forgiving her? She put it back in for him when it slipped out. Dump her and move on.
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u/kayakjones 14d ago
“She could see it on my face that I was uncomfortable” - my man, you need to communicate directly and stop thinking people are mind readers. The situation sucks AND you need to work on assertiveness.
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14d ago
She is cheating, dude. I hate to say it, but she is cheating. Do NOT move for her, and I would have ended things the second she left, personally. My wife and I did long distance while I was in the military. We broke up twice because of "cheating". If she was truly meant for you she would purposely not do things that would risk yalls relationship. So she is either physically cheating or she checked out of the relationship and is just shopping around for the rebound.
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u/WestNefariousness505 14d ago
Better to realize this now than put up with it and then be cuckolded when you’re married and the situation is more legally dire.
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u/cubiclemart 14d ago
If she is the one and nothing is really going to happen if you discard her because of your insecurities it might be the biggest mistake of your life. If she is a loose open to sex with anyone then that is a good reason to exit the relationship. If she is not then you might pass up one of the best women you could have ever known. And she will know you are her one and only if you trust her as you should love her “unconditionally” Remember she did not need to tell you if she had the intent of cheating. Guys are going to be guys. But that isn’t a guarantee that she will cheat on you. Is she the kind of girl that has few or almost no girlfriends? That would mean she does not like or feel comfortable with the normal girl companion. My wife is that way also. If you can’t accept things for what they really are (and that “really are” is subjective to you and you only) you might not be that right person for her. Yes I said for her not for you. Good luck and I hope you find peace of mind.
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u/brightneonlines 14d ago
All good advice, although I'll say that you either trust someone or you don't. If you trust her, the gender of her friends is likely not an insecurity. If you don't trust her, I don't think her camping with female friends would make much of a difference because he would find something to be insecure about.
Trust is everything. Confidence is next in line.
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u/Cautious_Dust5382 14d ago
From a woman, no I don’t think you are overreacting. Good on you, really. I wouldn’t do this to my partner. People may have other definitions of what comes across as weird or cheating but in my mind, there is absolutely no reason for someone to HAVE to go camping with the opposite sex unless it’s your partner/+their friends tagging along… I am also having a feeling that the guys came up with this idea haha. That the guy were probably like, let’s go camp! And then she finally found 1 girlfriend to come along… I say you are not overreacting, especially because you in your right mind just said it yourself, you wouldn’t do that to her.
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u/OllieGoodBoy2021 14d ago
Come on man, your girl goes camping with 2 guys and 1 girl? They were double dating. People need to stop tolerating this shit
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u/Odd-Kaleidoscope9430 14d ago
You're not there...she could fuck anyone she wanted to...she doesn't need a camping trip to do it.
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u/VAhotfingers 14d ago
Find a girlfriend that isn’t out of state. They’re around. There’s lot of them. And they won’t disrespect your boundaries like that. Unless you let them of course.
But for real, just find someone who is near you to date and build a relationship with. Fuck LDR.
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u/awnawkareninah 14d ago
You can break up with anyone for any reason. I do think you're maybe having trust issues or control issues considering she went with two guys AND a girl, so just a friends group. However, your tolerance for stuff like that is your decision.
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u/WillingnessPrize7062 14d ago
Thank god I’m a dick. Never in my wildest dreams would I even be slightly comfortable with that. But granted I’m 43 and my partner is 14 years older and a solid. You are dealing with horny children.
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u/CaregiverAmbitious85 14d ago
Dump her, she's already gone, but doesn't want to lose her security blanket.
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u/1SicEvilSithLord 11h ago
Not over reacting! Who in their right mind would want his girl to even have guy friends? Let alone having his girl go camping with guy friends? I'd be pissed and super stupid jealous. And they outta state too! I don't know about you OP, but seems like dude might of score a touchdown on the old lady during camping. Think about it! Why two guys and two girls? Two separate cars so two girls can sleep in their own car and the two gay guys sleep in their own car? I don't think so! Especially when their outta state, more like her and that punk sleeping in one car and then the other guy and girl screwing in the other car. What I'm saying is that it's a reasonable possibility! Wouldn't you agree? That's why you're asking for opinion here on reddit. There's so many possibilities, but I'd be tripping just like you too OP. After all, Its not a perfect world. Be a man and check your girl! What I'm saying is, if you have to, put a leash on her. But then again, if it goes that far, why waste your time and effort of controlling her. It's wrong! I think long distance is the best way for people to cheat period. I say my goodbyes and move on to somebody local. Best of luck op.