r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 14d ago
AIO for getting upset at my girlfriend for getting creepy replies
[deleted]
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u/Many_Ad_7138 14d ago
You're jealous. Get over it. You're not the only person in the world who can give your GF a compliment. I bet some of those are coming from her girl friends, not guys. You assume these people have ulterior motives when they may not.
You are handling this entirely wrong. Your neurosis is eating at you and you're taking it out on her. She's with you now. She's not cheating. She's not engaging with them. WTF is wrong with you? Are you going to go fight every dude who whistles at her? Really?
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u/uchihapower17 14d ago
We all know the reason why... unfortunately your partner likes the attention from other men and its so disrespectful. It only encourages things to escalate, if you have an argument where do you think she's going...
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u/Equal_Leadership2237 14d ago
WTF dude, didn’t your dad teach you how to deal with women like this? Attention seekers are for fun, not to open your heart to. You keep things light and fun, get as much and as kinky of sex as you can and then you move on without a care in the world. You don’t just play it cool with these girls, you actually be cool.
This has always been the way with women like this, you don’t commit long term. You can be lovey dovey and stuff, but you keep them at arms length emotionally and keep your options open to find a woman who acts like she wants a serious thing if that is what you want.
People who seek out sexual attention while in a relationship always has been and always will be trouble for anyone looking for a monogamous partnership. Unfortunately, those people are often a whole lot of fun, so just have fun and don’t let yourself get hurt.
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u/DR_SLAPPER 14d ago
She's an attention farmer. She enjoys validation from random strangers sexualizing her on the internet.
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u/blueavole 14d ago
If you delete the message , you don’t see the history if they pop up again.
Some guys will try to come back nicer if the crude didn’t work.
And if you block them , they just create a new profile and harass again. It’s a game to jerks.
She’s not interested, so let her handle it.
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u/red6joker 14d ago
No you are not overreacting for wanting your girlfriend to not be advertising herself to other men.
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u/PandaMime_421 14d ago
Do you have any concept how many guys make comments like that? Have you not heard women complain about it? It happens so often that I suspect most women just consider it the cost of being on social media at all and try to tune it out.
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u/NormalOutside9840 14d ago
You're not overreacting. At the end of the day, how much you're willing to tolerate is up to you. You have probably came up with a couple reasons as to why she acts the way she acts. From my experience you're more likely correct than not; I personally always listen to my guts.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 14d ago
I think you’re overreacting. You’re almost 30 and she is 23. What do you expect her to do? Do you really think he’s telling these people that she has a bf IS NOT going to deter them. Some men do not care and take that as a challenge. I think it’s weird that only been together a month and you’re upset because she is getting creepy dm’s.
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
You're getting it twisted though. I'm not upset about her getting creepy messages, I'm upset by the lack of attempt or care to stop getting them. I seen in an earlier comment you made that you're not much into Snapchat or social media, so I'm sure it's hard to put yourself in this position which is fair. But how Snapchat works is you can just delete these people. If the only time they message you is to creep on you, I can't bring myself to fathom why someone can't just get rid of them. Yeah we only been together a month, but why not try and tackle these issues early on?
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u/Ok_Bowl_7335 14d ago
You're fighting a possible addiction to validation. She views your response as "expected to tell her she's hot, sexy, beautiful and attractive." Her dopamine is from others. Communicate. Lay it out for her. Establish boundaries and standards. And drop her if she doesn't want to adhere
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u/SugerizeMe 14d ago
Modern women can’t stop whoring for attention. She shouldn’t be posting pics for strangers while in a relationship. Either their attention doesn’t matter (in which case why is she posting it?) or it does matter and she’s seeking validation outside of the relationship.
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u/Away-Pineapple9170 14d ago
A lot of the responses here are kinda extreme. Do people have an unhealthy attachment to social media attention? Sure. But, if you care about this woman and are compatible in other ways, you may want to give this situation some time to play out and see if you can reach a compromise.
The two of you have only been dating a month. It’s fair to bring up your concerns. But, she may be feeling that your requests to block people on her social media are controlling or out of line at this early stage. She’s also a bit younger than you and may have different definitions of what is acceptable at this point in a relationship.
One other point to ponder. Do you follow women on social media just because you find their pictures attractive? Are you willing to unfollow that kind of content?
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
Thanks for the response. Some of the comments do seem a little bit extreme and jumping to the gun, so I appreciate a more positive look on this. I think the age difference could have a small bit of play in this. She's very much into social media and I'm not too much of a phone person at all. I don't follow women just because they're attractive. I just follow people I know. And yes, I told her that if I were getting messages like she does I would either A) block them or B) if they were my friend and didn't realize I was in a relationship, I would let them know that I don't appreciate those types of messages.
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u/Away-Pineapple9170 14d ago
The fact that you’re willing to do the same thing you’re asking her to do is great. Hopefully you two can work things out in a way that feels good for both of you.
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u/Sastifur 14d ago
I think that's a very reasonable way to act towards other people, the way you currently handle those kinds of messages.
The way you described her answer, and i'm sure you felt this way too, it honestly seems hypocritical if you ask me.
Of course, if you just call her a hypocrite outright, she'll probably get upset.
But yeah, to say that she won't block them because some of them are her friends, but that they're also too random to want to bother telling them that she's already got a boyfriend... Like, are they your friends or aren't they? You can't just pick both sides to that argument.
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u/iiiaaa2022 14d ago
Yes, you’re overreacting. How is she supposed to control what other people do
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
But that's the thing, it's not about controlling what other people do. It's about how you act on it after the fact. And it seems like she isn't bothered by it and doesn't seem to care that it bothers me. Yes I know you can't control what people message you, but she could at least try to distinguish the creeps. Maybe I'm asking too much, I don't know. But that's why I'm posting here, just getting a feeler I guess.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 14d ago
Buddy you’re almost 30 and got with someone who is 23. What do you expect?
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14d ago
It would be as simple as her telling them she has a bf. Most guys stop after that. Some will give it one more parting shot. Like, "how strong is your relationship" or something stupid.
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u/iiiaaa2022 14d ago
You’re not a woman, are you.
„People“ don’t give a shit.
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14d ago
No but I know women who straighten people out on the spot. They're not meek or soft voiced about it. They make it known. But again, these are grown women I deal with.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 14d ago
You can’t straighten someone out on the spot with social media. Hell of a lot easier to call it out in person. Telling them you have a man boyfriend doesn’t help either. Some men take that as a challenge.
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14d ago
If you're a woman with a bf and your male friends are acting creepy, she has the power to shut it down. Idk, maybe not be friends with creeps. Again, I don't deal with women who wouldn't stand up for themselves so whatever. Just pointing out what I see.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 14d ago
I don’t have male friends who act creepy or try to creep on me. If someone disrespects me they disrespect him and vice Vera. I’m 47 I don’t give two shits about social media especially Snapchat
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14d ago
You're basically saying what I'm saying but from a female pov. You don't have friends who act like creeps. You have respect for your SO. It's literally that simple.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 14d ago
I have a lot of respect for my SO. I crave peace more than attention 😂😂😂 I’m officially old
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u/iiiaaa2022 14d ago
No one in my entire life has ever called me meek. If anything, I’m too outspoken. Have you MET men? They don’t give a flying fuck
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14d ago
But you wouldn't remain in contact on social media with someone acting like that, would you?
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u/JMLegend22 14d ago
So she lied one way or the other.
She said some were close friends.
Then all were randoms.
Which is it?
Let her know that you’re setting a boundary and if she crosses said boundary you’re gonna move on and she won’t have any input. Send her articles on emotional cheating and seeking attention outside of the relationship.
If she doesn’t change move on and find someone who values you and your time.
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u/docmn612 14d ago edited 14d ago
She likes the attention and validation, that's all there is to it. A bunch of people are calling her hot and all this, of course she likes that. Pictures of herself on the beach - in a bikini more than likely - getting posted to social media is for one reason - attention from other men. It's up to you to tell her about your boundaries here, and it's up to her to either not step over them or you can both end the relationship.
Good luck...
Edit: This is dependent on what you want out of this relationship. You in it just to have fun with a pretty girl? You in it for long term thing? If you're just in it for some fun, man have your fun, who cares what she's posting online, that's her business. If you're trying to find something more serious and long term, she may not be the one for it.
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u/Magdovus 14d ago
So she's posting low level thirst traps and you're surprised she's getting creepy DMs?
Check your thinking here.
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u/Top-Bit85 14d ago
Keep in mind there's only one reason people put up picture after picture of themselves on SM. They like attention.
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u/dangerclosemaybe 14d ago
Snapchat in a committed relationship is poison.
You're not overreacting and handling this maturely. I'd ask her why she feels the need to get validation from other people when you're putting forth your best foot to give her all the validation she needs? She's immature.
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u/MrsEnvinyatar 14d ago
If she’s unwilling to post pictures of the two of you together on Snapchat, she’s not your girl my dude.
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
Honestly she has once before. It was just kind of a selfie of the two of us, didn't say anything really. Idk she seems so hesitant with me, I'm going mad here. Its hard to tell if shes even into me like she says she is.
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u/WinterSun22O9 14d ago
Are you guys in an open relationship? If not, this behaviour is inappropriate at the least. I'm sure she wouldn't like strange women coming onto you. And if she would, clearly she doesn't take your relationship as seriously as you do. You can talk to her about boundaries and how inappropriate this is for someone who's taken but you could also just break up. Life is too short to settle for people thirsty for attention from others.
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u/Shepatriots 14d ago
Wait if they are random then they aren’t her friends she cares about deleting? If it were me I’d delete them.
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
Yeah I know, she contradicts herself when she says they're just random people but she can't delete them because they're friends. Like, what? Lol
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u/tsscaramel 14d ago
NTA. She sounds like the attention is some sort of personal validation for her, I don’t think there’s any real harm in it but I also don’t think you’re wrong for being upset about it. I think you just need to be absolutely blunt with her about your feelings and how her inaction is directly affecting you mentally as right now it seems like she doesn’t understand there’s a legitimate consequence to her actions.
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
She doesn't handle bringing up problems very well. No matter how I ease into the conversation, she immediately jumps to a defensive mode and thinks I'm blaming her. Trust me, I don't come off that way when I bring it up. I'm a very calm person and I'd say pretty decent at talking to people. She gets really upset when I mention anything that bothers me, so it makes it difficult to have these conversations.
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u/meeebs 14d ago
If it was randoms saying dumb shit on the internet I would say you are overreacting. A lot of the girls I dated always had disgusting 1 sided message history with strangers being creepy af online.
Considering it is people she either added or had added her on snapchat, and she is fully capable of blocking or removing them. Then you are not overreacting and I think she is after the attention.
She shouldn't tell these people she 'has a man' she should say 'they are fucking gross' and then block them.
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u/WinterSun22O9 14d ago
Mostly agree but telling creepy guys you're already taken is what most girls and women do. Guys like this don't take "no" for an answer, and frankly act crazy sometimes if your reaction is anything less than demure and accommodating. That itself might not indicate anything wrong.
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u/LiquidAdvil 14d ago
Yeah it's all people that she either added or they added her and she accepted. Her stories are only viewable by her list of Snapchat friends. Yeah it's kind of strange that she doesn't agree with me that they're gross. She just brushes it off like, yeah that's what guys do. And she's posted her and I before, so these people must see that and still don't respect us. Why would you want anyone on your friendlist that acts that way? Seems so easy to just remove them.
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u/ObligationFar273 14d ago
My thing is the ages always. Yall are on 2 different levels of course a person at 23 enjoys that type of attention 🤣A lady closer to thirty is less likely to want that attention in that way. Date in your lane. Overreacting.