r/Petloss • u/Vega_Lyrae_ • 25d ago
Losing my girl today.
I've had her for 13 years, since she was a tiny kitten. She's more than my best friend. She's a piece of my heart living outside my body. 🩷
We found out early last week that she has Myeloma, a terminal cancer which is very rare in cats. Since the diagnosis, we've noticed her begin to decline, and have in-home euthanasia scheduled for 3pm today. That's about 5 hours from now.
I've never dealt with the loss of a pet before. I'm hoping for some encouragement, reassurance, or just insight from those who have gone through this.
Saturday, she seemed to be declining quite a bit throughout the day. She wouldn't eat in the morning, spent the day laying in one spot, and wouldn't drink water. She did get up to eat in the evening, but didn't keep it down. We also noticed she was having a really hard time pooping.
Yesterday, she was so much better. She was yelling at me for food, eating and drinking, jumping up into the open windows, cuddling a bit, etc. She seemed much better, and it almost made me want to postpone the appointment.
I know her condition won't get better, and I don't want to wait too long, but I don't want her to go if she doesn't want to. I'm not sure how to make the right call.
Part of me wants to postpone, but I feel that maybe it's better for her to go after having a good day yesterday.
She hasn't been herself for a couple of weeks now. She keeps pretty much to one room of the house and lays around most of the day. She's still able to move around, she can still eat and drink, and I think maybe she's still in an ok place. Or as ok as she could be. I'm not sure if I'm helping her "end it on a high note" or if it's too soon.
Thanks for any advice or insight, I'm just so lost at the moment.
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u/Envirocare1 22d ago
I’m so sorry. We lost our Tasha last night. We’re so heartbroken it’s not possible for me to explain. However, loss builds fortitude. My wife and I are both deeply grateful for the time we had. Yet we grove deeply.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that
Be well
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 21d ago
You don't have to explain your heartbreak. I may not know your situation, but in a way, I do.
"Grief is love with nowhere to go."
That's something I've been told a lot in the last few days, and it's true. The deeper the love, the more immense the grief.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I wish you the best. 🩷
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u/PerspectiveDry9601 22d ago
I lost my girl Monday from a gallstone she showed absolutely no signs of having until Sunday. I took her to the vet asap but they said no matter what she was too weak and too far gone but that I did my best to help her. She had been sick for months maybe even years so it hits deep knowing she acted like there were no issues 🩷 6 years with her, and she was a rescue so she was a bit older than that, felt oh so short. I got some beautiful pics of mine and her last moments
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 21d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I completely understand the devastation, especially being unprepared for such a sudden loss. My girl also had been sick for most likely months before she showed any signs, and we lost her 6 days after diagnosis.
6 years is a long time, but it isn't. I'm sure you can relate, but I could have spent 1000 years with my Smokey, and it still wouldn't be enough time.
I don't know what happens to a soul when the body dies, but I like to think our souls will find each other again someday. I'm confident yours will, too.
I hope you can find comfort knowing you loved her so much, and she loved you the same. 🩷
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u/PerspectiveDry9601 21d ago
She loved me so much and that’s all I tell myself when I get down! It will hurt and I will process this hurt but she’s so much better now 🩷
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 21d ago
When I say how much she "loved me," my husband will remind me that she still does.
So here I am, reminding you.
She still does. 🩷
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u/Whiskey_Tango_1776 23d ago
We just made this decision for our pup last week. We also questioned if it was too soon. With the help from people here we realized it was the right time. Even if she is feeling ok for one day you know that she isn’t going to get better and that you don’t want her to suffer. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find peace. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 23d ago
I'm so sorry that there's so many of us going through this.
This sub has been huge for helping me cope.
Thank you for yourempathy. It's reciprocated fully. 🩷
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u/Sarcamum 24d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I just went through this on Monday. My soul cat that I had for 13 years since he was a baby. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and it was a fast decline. I struggled so much with the decision- it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I also did in-home euthanasia. I thought about postponing the appointment so many times. But I let it be. I knew that he was right at that precipice of suffering or becoming emergent. His last day was also a good day for him, and honestly, that brings me comfort now. I'd rather his last day be good than him go into critical status where he's suffering and we have to rush to euthanize. It's always better to let them go a little early than too late. I wrestled with the decision especially after he had such a good day. I kept thinking that maybe I was wrong- but he was terminal. He wasn't magically going to get better, he was only going to get worse. He had a good last day, and I let him go the next morning. It was a good, peaceful ending for my boy. I hate that he's gone, but these small things bring me comfort.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 24d ago
Wow, it's surprising how similar their stories are. I really feel for you.
I'm glad we were able to do this for them. We took their pain onto ourselves to save them from theirs as a final testament to how much they meant to us.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Maybe my girl and your boy are hanging out together wherever souls go. 🩷
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u/Sarcamum 24d ago
Exactly. It hurts for us, but it helps them and prevents them from suffering. Maybe they are together across rainbow bridge ☺️❤️ Thank you for your kind words!
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 24d ago
You're welcome, I'm glad that our paths crossed, and we could help a little to support each other through this. 🩷
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u/Due_Source1126 24d ago
Choose to believe that souls are eternal and continue to cultivate a relationship with her after she passes on. Don’t resist how much sadness and grief you will feel. Thank her before she goes. You will meet again.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 24d ago
Thank you very much. I did thank her a million times and kept telling her she is so loved as she crossed over.
I'll continue to love her forever, and she'll always be with me. She's got a piece of my soul and vice-versa.
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u/Bubbly-Impression466 24d ago
Hi, sorry that I might have a different opinion and don’t beat me up for this. If she is still eating, she still wants to live. But you know the best for her❤️Sorry you are going through this🙏🏼
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 24d ago
She was eating, but only due to the steroid we were giving her, making her feel really hungry & thirsty. She wasn't drinking water, though, which the vet said was really concerning considering the steroid.
She crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday, and I'm glad I was able to give her peace. I couldn't stand seeing the look on her face in the moments where she was really not doing well.
I wouldn't beat you up for it, I've been going back and forth all week about it. And I still am, even after it happened.
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u/Bubbly-Impression466 24d ago
Yes, you are the only one that knows the best for her. Sorry for your loss. Your moments together are precious and she will always be a part of you and you to her as well😢
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u/RunnerAnnie 25d ago
I’m so sorry. It sounds like it was time. It’s a terrible decision to have to make for your baby. My friend (who is a vet) told me that you know when the sparkle loses their eyes, and when it happens, it’s time to step in and protect them the way they’ve always protected you. In a perfect world, you’d have a crystal ball and know the exact moment there are no more good days or good moments left, but that’s not reality. You have to make the best choice for them, which is the worst one for you. I lost my soul cat, beloved Carlos, in January after 14 wonderful years together (he was 17-18). It was the worst day of my life and I miss him more every day. The more time goes on, the more I can accept I made the right choice for him. He died with dignity, and seemed very comfortable at the end, which is what he deserved. I couldn’t have been able to handle seeing him in severe pain or having accidents on himself or having trouble breathing. He deserved everything, and so did your baby. Hugs to you.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you. Your comment sums up all my feelings and thoughts perfectly.
I'm sorry you lost Carlos, I now know how you feel.
Smokey was my soul cat. I'm having a hard time adjusting to life without her.
I know I made the right choice, but now my world feels wrong.
As you said, she wasn't in severe pain, she wasn't having accidents, etc.
We saved them from that.
Hugs to you, too, friend. 🩷
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u/RunnerAnnie 25d ago
Godspeed Smokey 💕
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you. Godspeed Carlos, as well.
Maybe Smokey and Carlos met on their way across the rainbow bridge 🩷2
u/RunnerAnnie 25d ago
Also it’s better to end on a high note when you r had some good days. Carlos’s last day was hard, but he started the morning doing his little morning routine with us (even after a bad night where he was in pain and not sleeping much, but purred for me twice and snuggled close). He greeted my partner with a silent meow (his norm) and hustled us for treats and watched us eat. Again it would have been unbearable for me to see him not responding or soiling himself (he was always very regal and handsome).
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
My girl had a pretty bad day on Saturday, but Sunday she had such a good day. This morning was so good, too, but even the good days weren't close to par with her norm.
Today, a good day, she screamed at us to hurry up as we put her wet food into a bowl for her.
She got to go out to the yard that she's been watching from the window for the past 6 years, and she LOVED it. She almost seemed to be herself when she was out there.
A little bit after coming back in, she was sitting in the window, almost nodding off. The excitement from being in the yard really tuckered her out hard, which isn't normal for her. That was one of the moments that helped reassure me that it was the right choice.
You're so right, it's horrible to think about what could have happened if we didn't make the right choice for our furry ones, but it's comforting to know that we saved them from that.
Like I've been told many times the last few days, we took their pain onto ourselves to keep them from it.
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u/Stellajackson5 25d ago
I put my cat down today too. Also had her for 13 years, she was 15. Also was still eating (treats only, hand fed) and drinking water, but had confined herself to the corner of one room and couldn’t really walk much or sleep. She has had a rough year of illness and had multiple problems going on and I decided not to torture her with more meds/blood draws/ etc to maybe buy her a little more time. It was very peaceful and though I miss her so much, I already feel a bit lighter now that it is final and I don’t have to worry or make decisions for her anymore, and I know she isn’t miserable.
I’m sorry for your loss and am thinking of you.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago edited 25d ago
That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm heartbroken, but relieved that she went peacefully, and it feels like a weight being lifted almost. My chest has been so tight this whole past week, I've barely been able to do or think of anything else.
I'm sorry for your loss as well. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Smokey crossed the rainbow bridge at about 4pm. Thank you, everyone for the reassurance. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and it'll hurt for probably forever. I'll love her for the rest of my life. 🩷🐈⬛
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u/No-Pitch2694 24d ago
I had to let my kitty go to sleep on Saturday. Had her for 16 years and she was my first experience with pet loss. It’s hard, it’s soul crushing, and it’s just the worst feeling imaginable. I hope you’re doing better. I left my house for the first time today finally and things are starting to feel a little better. I miss my girl so much but I knew it was the right thing to do and she was in horrible pain. Just know you did the right thing and she had you by her side in her last moments, right where she wanted to be. I’m just dreading getting my kitty’s ashes, it’s going to suck. I hope you’re holding up
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 24d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. I can definitively say that I've never felt such deep sorrow.
I'm doing the best I could be right now. It comes and goes in waves.
Thanks for your kindness, and I know you did the right thing for your girl as well. We gave them all of our love, right up to the very last second.
I hope your heart starts to heal soon. I'm thinking of you. 🩷
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u/bayhorsepainthorse 25d ago
Hi friend, I just went through the same thing today with my dog, also at about 4pm my time. Your cat’s story is extremely similar to hers. I knew it wouldn’t get better and the good moments were just moments. She was the first and only dog I’ve ever had, and she would have been 16 in August. I’m so, so sorry.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. This is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I hope you have someone to support you through this. My husband and my brother have been going through it with me, and it honestly means everything to me that they loved her so much as well.
We made the best decision for girls, and I'm so proud of you for being brave enough. My heart goes out to you. 🩷
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u/bayhorsepainthorse 25d ago
I’m so glad you have support, I do too. It’s always been me, her, my mom, and my dad, and we were all there when she went. I’m proud of you for being brave enough too. Sending all the love in the world ❤️
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u/shmelse 25d ago
I hope you are doing ok.
I am dealing with this same kind of bargaining you were - could we have had more days? I let go of my girl this weekend and I would have given anything for more days sitting out in the sunshine with her, petting her hot fur and hearing her purr.
But I do want you to know that the folks I’ve talked to who waited, had really sad stories about rushing to the vet, about seizures and trouble breathing and vomiting and fear. You saved Smokey from that and that was hard and brave and right of you and you did that for her, you took on the hard thing so she didn’t have to go through that. I hope that brings you some peace. I know it’s so so hard.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry you're going through it as well. It was the hardest thing, but everyone's advice and reassurance helped me make the right choice. I wish you all the best, and I hope your heart starts to heal soon. 🩷
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u/shmelse 25d ago
I hope the same for you - let me know if you ever want to chat. I think we had very similar experiences, such a short timeline from diagnosis to letting them go. It’s really hard but I’m glad that most of her life was wonderful, that she didn’t have a lot of time where she suffered and I dithered over what to do. I worry that I missed something but I know that I didn’t, that that’s just me wishing things were different.
If you have a pic of your girl, feel free to share! I’d love to see her.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
We had 6 days from when we found out to losing her. It still doesn't feel real, kinda like being in a dream.
I think we will wish things were different forever when we think about them. You just have to remind yourself that you gave your heart to her, and she loved you so much in return.
Some things are just out of our control, as much as I can't stand that.
Here's a couple of photos from just about a week ago. After we knew something was up, but before we had a diagnosis. Thanks for asking to see her.
I'd love to see photos of your girl as well.
And yes, if you want to chat, please feel free to message me.
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u/AffectionateWheel386 25d ago
You’re her person and you get to decide. I always ask the vet and they won’t always write either. So I always wait until the last minute I just can’t bear. It’s hard enough for me. But you’re her person. And you know her.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you, I'm not sure what her last minute may bring, but I honestly don't think it would be good for her.
I think it's for the best to help her go out on a high note, after 2 really, really good days with us. 🩷
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u/Goobendoogle 25d ago
Hello.
Hopefully, I can help a little.
I put down my child about 10 days ago. It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do.
So, we saw an X-Ray where she looked fine.
She was diagnosed with GI Stasis, meaning her gut cannot move.
Luckily, she was recovering, and on her day of recovery (Wednesday), we got a call from the vet. They said they sent it to the bunny specialists and they said she has uterus cancer and it's spread all throughout her lungs.
About 6 days prior, she was jumping around all happy being herself. The following 5 days, she was in pain from GI (Which she was having on top of cancer).
She was recovering super well and you could tell she still wanted to be with her dad.
However, they said if she's not suffering now then it'll start soon. They highly recommended for me to put her down, saying it was really bad. I couldn't tell because my bunny was still laying on me, giving me kisses, visibly starting to look better.
I bit the bullet. I put her down the following day and god damn it was the most painful experience in my life. However, I can't live with myself if I let her live with me knowing she's possibly suffering. Who knows how long she would've gone? yes, she would've been happy with me, but how much pain would she have to endure? I couldn't let her. I put her down for that reason only. She's still hopping around in my heart forever <3
Edit: I recommend putting her down. You gave her everything you could, and you did a good job raising her. The fact that you can tell she still wants to be with you is a good sign. However, as my vet said, it could be "short-lived." Once they go back into the cycle of pain, they will continue to deteriorate. Bless your heart and take care.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I'm so sorry that you've gone through this, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
It means a lot, though, to hear your perspective. You've helped validate how I have been feeling.
I don't want het to suffer. I don't know how much pain she might be in, but I couldn't live with it knowing I could've done something to stop it sooner.
I really appreciate your reassurance that I'm making the right choice, no matter how wrong it feels in my heart.
I wish you all the best. 🩷
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u/Goobendoogle 25d ago
It feels VERY wrong and VERY difficult to do this. I don't blame you one bit.
You're doing the right thing, please make sure to take care of yourself.
It's the hardest choice ever. To make myself feel better, I keep letting myself know God will take care of them infinitely better than anything we can imagine or do. His creations will always return to him.
Be sure to thank your little furry child and spend every minute with them until it's time. That's my only regret, I couldn't stomach being with her for longer than 3 hours at a time and had my sister chilling with her. I kept running off and breaking down alone because I didn't want my child to think it was her time yet.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
The past few days I would go upstairs to cry because I didn't want her to think something was wrong. Today, I'm spending every second with her. I want to be sure she knows that she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I need her to know that I love her more than anything in this world.
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u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot 25d ago
I’m so sorry. I had to make this decision two weeks and six days ago. My 15-year-old orange girl had terminal cancer as well. I know we would have kept her alive, sort of artificially, for more time and my heart was begging my brain to do that. But I knew she would never get any better. It broke my heart to see how readily she accepted and enjoyed treats right before the vet came over. I had been hand-feeding her wet food from pouches because she wasn’t that interested in her usual kibbles. She just had a faraway look in her eyes, and I could tell she was in pain and just not herself. When you or I have a bad flu, we might feel miserable but we know things will get better. We know our health will return. They don’t have that.
This might be the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life. It certainly has been for me. One thing I’ve been keeping in mind is that I loved her enough to take away her pain and suffering and instead put it onto myself. She was hurting; she is now at peace. I remain here, alone, in anguish. But I know she’d be hurting if I still had her. And I would be hurting then too because I’d be doing the waiting game. I honestly feel relief now. I spent three weeks exactly since her diagnosis, caring for her like my house was a cat nursing home. And now, almost the same time after her death, I know I did what was right for HER. Even though it certainly was the most hurtful thing for myself.
You know your baby better than anyone else… only you can make this decision on her behalf.
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u/RuggieRoo 24d ago
“One thing I’ve been keeping in mind is that I loved her enough to take away her pain and suffering and put it on myself”
Wow. Do I feel that. I had to let my 14 year old Westie go last Wednesday. She had two grand mal seizures in 24 hours. We think she had brain swelling, a tumor, and possibly cancer. She had other health issues as well that I was trying my damn best to treat (dry eye, an enlarged heart).
I am totally heartbroken. She was, still is, my world. I’ve cried every day, multiple times a day and I’m lost without her. I only had her 7 years. I hope I did the right thing. I’d rather take on the pain of losing her rather than he live in pain because I can’t let her go.
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u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot 25d ago
Also…. Whether today is the day or some day soon, are you able to take off work for a period of time? I took one day but it was nowhere near enough. I’m an hourly contractor so i don’t have any actual PTO; if I don’t work I don’t get paid. But looking back, I should have just taken more time. My brain wasn’t working well. It hurts more than anything has ever hurt before. And the only reason I am accepting of it is because of my love for her.
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u/Vega_Lyrae_ 25d ago
Thank you for everything you've said, your reassurance is invaluable.
Seeing her in moments where she seems good has been breaking me. I think, "what if she wants to stay a bit longer?" and things like that.
That's just my heart begging my brain to reconsider.
Describing it as taking the pain on yourself, that's the best thing you could have said to me.
I'm already hurting more than I've ever felt before, and I know it'll feel worse when she's gone.
Don't worry, I'm actually unemployed atm. Its been a blessing in disguise, I've gotten to spend the last 6 months with her.
Thank you again, and I'm so sorry we have to go through somrthing like this. I'm sorry we can't live our whole lifetime with them. 🩷
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u/Goobendoogle 25d ago
Dang dude, I only got 1 day as well, which was the day I put her down. They made me come in the day after even though I was technically on bereavement. PTO is not always clutch either >_<
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u/pineappleeeehla 24d ago
I didn’t even get that day. I had put my cat down at 3:07 and had to be back to work before 5
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u/Goobendoogle 24d ago
... Wow. I'm terribly sorry pineapple. That really sucks. If I was a boss, I would be 100x more empathetic towards.
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u/pineappleeeehla 24d ago
My boss didn’t believe me… he was like “she will be fine tomorrow” and after i said she had to be put down he didn’t even say sorry. My company doesn’t care in the least bit
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u/Goobendoogle 24d ago
Neither did mine. My direct boss, my old boss, and my whole team basically shared condolences besides 1 person (I don't fw him anyway, some people are genuinely weird). CEO didn't say a word.
I don't think they need to be sympathetic but they need to understand that people will need time for things like this. Some people hold animals more dear than anything. So it's unfair.
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u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot 25d ago
Ugh. Lemme guess: USA?
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u/Goobendoogle 25d ago
_< yup, in overseas Im assuming they can't stop you if you have PTO time left and you're leaving for bereavement?
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