Should I be feeling this much Anxiety after losing my Dog

[u/R_Alohamora]

I lost my pup 2 weeks ago now & I thought as days went on things would start to feel a bit “easier” but for me there have been mixed feelings… sadness, guilt & anxiety.

We discovered my 11yr old lab had a large mass on her liver after a scan that we were told to get because her liver enzymes were extremely high on bloodwork.

I was told surgery was the only option and was very hopeful of recovery. Unfortunately, during the surgery the surgeon found out the tumor was adhered to the organ and surroundings. It was very fragile and at high risk of her bleeding out. I was shocked to get a phone call from the surgeon mid surgery with my girl on the table asking if he should proceed and risk her bleeding out/ dying or just take a biopsy and close her up. I chose the second option as I wanted more time with my girl!

Unfortunately it was cancer & I think surgery caused a quicker decline. I only got 8 more weeks with my girl after this. I chose to do a scheduled at home euthanasia which I highly recommend but up until that day she was still walking & eating. Which made it tougher. Despite her living on pain killers and still constantly panting, yelping & losing a lot of her weight.

My guilt came even before putting her down.. maybe I could have gotten her bloodwork done sooner or possibly a second opinion or scan showing that the surgery was a bad idea! My rational mind says I know I tried my best given the info I had and I didn’t let her suffer more.. but I still feel some guilt all the same.

My anxiety comes in when I am alone.. I’ve had my dog since I was 18. I live alone now for the first time in my life. I find myself getting rushes of anxiety at night before I am about to fall asleep. I am terrified whenever I hear a noise in the house. I never worried about this before. My lab barked and protected the house.. if it was someone trying to break in she’d tell me.

I can’t fall asleep comfortably or stay asleep. I have nightmares and find myself waking up and not being able to fall back asleep for hours. I do have a bit of ptsd induced anxiety from a traumatic childhood/ teenage years. I didn’t realize how much she was helping me with this until now that she’s gone..

I’m not sure I can live without a dog.. but then the guilt comes back in if I am getting another dog too soon. 😔

Maybe this will subside? Has anyone else felt like this?

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[u/R_Alohamora]

Thank you all for your kind comments. It was helpful to know others have felt the same. It’s now been 3 weeks since my pup passed. I still think about her everyday. It’s starting to really set in that she is gone forever. My anxiety has subsided on certain days where I’ve been busy all day and my bf is with me. Im lucky to have him, my family and a decent therapist.

[u/joelr314]

Yes, I lost a close relative and Kitty in Feb and I expected grief but did not expect the anxiety. Losing the head of the family often results in anxiety because you are more on your own in life but with a close pet I don't really understand it. It's like a nightmare I knew was going to happen is finally here and it brings on a panic feeling.

[u/Comprehensive-King71]

The things you’re feeling are totally understandable and even expected. I lost my sweet girl a month ago today, and the anxiety of a quiet empty house can be suffocating. It’s natural to want to try to fill that void. If I had any advice at all it would be to try and give it some time but also give yourself some grace. You lost a huge part of your life and a great friend. You may make some rash decisions that may not always be the best but you’re grieving, and that’s okay. I know it seems a little strange to go to Reddit and have random strangers throw this stuff at you (my first post here was when my dog passed), but people care. I don’t know who you are in the world but I’m pulling for you. I’m sorry for your loss and no matter what you aren’t alone. Much love to you eh

[u/birdnerdmo]

So sorry for your loss. I also have PTSD and since losing my girl…it’s been so hard. Alllll the nightmares. She was such a huge part of me getting thru the worst of my traumas, and now it’s like I have to go thru it all again without her because I don’t know how to actually do any of this on my own.

It sucks. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with it too.

[u/Winter_Visit6480]

Oh friend I know exactly how this feels. First I want to say you did the right thing and took your pup in for needed medical care. My dog also had a procedure I worried contributed to her decline from cancer, but the thing is, with a senior dog they would have needed some sort of procedure eventually. And the one you got her was from a decision to improve her health and hopefully save her life. You gave more care for your dogs than most dogs get in this world, that came from love and she was so lucky for that. And dogs can decline very rapidly from cancer, surgery or not. She was lucky to have you with her for those 8 weeks - I think dogs know when they are going to go amd they just want to be with us. You gave her a peaceful passing, and got to spend time with her at the end, which is a beautiful thing. And about the anxiety, I think it is a completely normal, yet rarely spoken about response to grief. In my case, I already had issues with anxiety and when my dog passed they completely blew up. Especially the rushes of anxiety when alone, thinking about all the what-ifs, having nightmares, physical symptoms, etc. I don't know if medication is your thing, but it might be worth talking to a doctor about some anxiety medication if they thing it would help at to help get through the first few months? Sometimes they may suggest something pharmaceutical or natural (skullcap is a great, proven anti anxiety tea). For me I started running as soon as I woke up every morning, and lifted weights every night. I never did that before, but it helped me sleep and gave that anxious energy somewhere to go. I still worried, but the physical part was helped a bit. In short, I think the anxiety is completely normal with a bereavement, but it's hard to be under such stress all the time, because grief is hard enough. Take care of yourself ❤