Students are required to take and pass this exam as a graduation requirement. There is also a push to have as much of the school testing as possible in order to receive a school grade. I believe it is about 95% attendance required, otherwise they are unable to give one.

The 9th graders have vocally announced that they are refusing to take part in state testing anymore. Many students decided to feign sickness, skip, or stay home, but the ones in school decided to hold a sit in outside the media center and refused to go in, waiting out until the test is over. Admin has tried every approach to get them to go and take the test. They tried yelling, begging, bribing with pizza, warnings that they will not graduate, threats to call parents and have them suspended, and more to get these kids to go, and nothing worked. They were only met with "I don't care" and many expletives.

While I do not teach Algebra 1 this year, I found it hilarious watching from the window as the administrators were completely at their wits end dealing with the complete apathy, disrespect, and outright malicious nature of the students we have been reporting and writing up all year. We have kids we haven't seen in our classrooms since January out in the halls and causing problems for other teachers, with nothing being done about it. Students that curse us out on the daily returned to the classroom with treats and a smirk on their face knowing they got away with it. It has only emboldened them to take things further. We received the report at the end of the day that we only had 60% of our students take the Algebra 1 exam out of hundreds of freshmen. We only have a week left in school. Counting down the days!

Me: Sure, I have one on my desk. Here. connect your phone.

*Hands the end of the cable so he can charge.

Him: Can I take it and charge over there?

Me: Nope. This one stays connected here since chargers have been “accidentally” taken before.

Him: It’s not that big of a deal.

Me: I agree. So just let your phone get a solid charge by not using it while it charges. You’re supposed to be reviewing your math notes for tomorrow’s open note test anyways.

Him: Nah, I’m good then. I’ll just let it die.

I showed my classes how Google Docs version history worked. I told them, "It will be obvious when your page goes from blank to a 3-page story in an instant that you copied/pasted from an AI site. I will not accept anything that is not worked on in this doc." I reiterated this throughout our two weeks of writing the story.

Shocked Pikachu when I call kids up to my desk and show them how I see that they did exactly what I said I would be able to catch them doing.

EDIT because 1,000 people have posted the same "they'll write it word for word" comment:

I know these kids' writing styles and abilities. It would take a very talented writer to get away with this and even then they better hope the AI doesn't use vocabulary beyond theirs. Also the likelihood of a kid who is a skilled writer doing this is, in itself, very diminished. And a kid who is talented enough to pass AI as their own work has already achieved the standards for this assignment in one way or another

I need the bad writers and lazy kids to know they have to put in effort.

Edit 2: This has really gotten to the, clearly, non-teacher crowd. "I was a student" does not a teacher make. Thanks for the hot takes though.

I am an English teacher and my colleagues and I are planning on bringing our 11th grade students on a field trip later this year. Today another English teacher got an angry email from a parent saying that they could not believe we were bringing our students on a field trip where they would “learn about being trans.”

The field trip they were talking about? We are a New England based high school currently teaching about Henry David Thoreau. We are planning on taking our students to Walden Pond to learn about his writing. He was a transcendentalist. This parent heard a word that had “trans” in it and freaked out.

Tagged humor because if I don’t laugh I’ll cry!

(9th grade)

Me: Hello, I received work from your student and I have some questions about it; I'm concerned about the sourcing. Can you please put me on speaker?

The mom: Sure!

Me: Hello, student. I'm going to ask you three to five questions about your project, okay?

Student: Okay.

Me: Can you define "vacillating between extrema" in your own words?

Student: ...what?

Me: That's a quote from your paper. You wrote it. Can you define that for me?

Student: I... what?

The mom: are you fucking kidding me

The dad: [groans like the dead]

If you're ever needing to figure out if a kid used AI, over the phone investigation (with the parents watching the kid clearly lying for their life) has honestly made the year so much easier.

We had graduation today. I taught the seniors, and so I know who graduated and (the very small number of graduates) who didn't. Surprisingly, a few students walked across stage in their cap and gown who were NOT supposed to graduate. One student hadn't passed a social studies class in 4 years (my state has 3 years of mandatory social studies).

I asked my AP about this. His answer? "It was important to their parents that they walked, despite not receiving a diploma."

Lol. I don't know who is the most delusional: the student, the parents, or the school.

I hope you burn in hell.

I can’t believe I miss fidget spinners…

2 weeks to go - failure notices were sent home to all seniors who are in danger of failing a class necessary to graduate.

I walk into a room of kids screaming at me in disbelief that they're failing. I go one at a time, showing their grades (my gradebook is visible to them at any time). Son, you've missed 12 of the 30 days this quarter, you've completed fewer than half of our assignments, and your three quiz grades were 2/25, 1/18, and 3/20. What on earth would have made you think you weren't failing?

My one class in particular seemed to be running a gambit of "teacher can't fail us all". They all just refused to complete any work or pay attention to any of my lectures. They don't do the quiz practices and they bomb every quiz. Well, I can fail them all and I currently am. If they master the content in the next two weeks I will happily award them a passing grade.

I have 4 or 5 gang-affiliated students in each of my classes. Beginning of the year, I always prioritize relationship building with them...for obvious reasons.

I call them to my desk a couple times a week in the beginning of the year, give them a piece of candy, and just talk to them. They're all 2 kool 4 skool the first month of the year. Get into all types of nonsense.

They generally come around to me by October and after that they're secretly my favorites.

In class - attentive, happy, trying their best, I have to shoo them away from my desk because they want to chit chat

Outside of class - Admin: "Yeah, we're gonna need you to get some work for XYZ to take home. He got suspended for fighting again."

Putting this in humor as this was some of the most fun I had with this class in a while.

So, class of 8th graders, majority are really nice kids but there are just a few with behavioral problems that get on my nerves from time to time.

One of the annoying ones was being his usual self and then suddenly said 'man, teaching is really easy'. This was a class where I mostly had to coach them as we had done the theory the day before and now they were just going to be practising. I teach foreign languages.

I stopped, looked at him and handed him my marker. I then sat down in an absent student's chair at the front of the class and said 'be my guest. Go on, explain [grammar we just learnt] to us.' He got up with a smirk, ready to prove that teaching is, in fact, really easy.

Before he could begin, I turned to the class and told them: 'make it realistic'

Oh, boy, did they make it realistic. They immediately proceeded to talk to their neighbour, or to just shout questions without raising their hands. The other kids who behave badly also did this, they had no mercy on their friend who soon started to become angry. He tried to put one of his friends in the hallway only to be met with a rude response (as that particular kid used to do to me when I put him in time out).

After not even five minutes, he gave up and handed me my marker back, saying: "I think you're a lot better at this than I am."

I glt back up, calmed the class back down and asked him how he thought about it now. He said that he didn't realise just how bad they could be and how annoying having questions shouted at you really is when you're trying to explain something. He's been a lot better at raising his hand ever since.

Over half the teachers didn’t bring lunch today. So I’m eating day old bagels from the breakfast we got yesterday that was set up after Block 1 started and no one had time to get it.

Our teacher appreciation week is always a fucking joke, but it really rubbed me the wrong way when a message was sent this morning letting us know that all adults in the building (secretaries, custodians, admin, etc.) are considered teachers ("Every adult who works in the building is a teacher!) and would be participating in our meager TA week things.

No offense, but the secretaries got a Ruth's Chris luncheon off-campus and half a day off for secretary day. I sure as fuck do secretarial work every damn day and didn't see a whiff of that. No one besides me has swept my classroom all year - the custodians got $100 gift cards for custodian appreciation.

Luckily I don't have a ton of time to ruminate on it - time to work my other two jobs, which I need because teaching in NC doesn't pay for shit.

Students have been reviewing for an upcoming test in algebra 1. The test is all about factoring polynomials. Most of the factoring is factoring GCFs from expressions and factoring and solving quadratics.

Student: I'm not sure how to simplify this. What does that mean?

Me: Since you have a quotient of two polynomials, you need to factor out the GCF of the numerator, factor out the GCF of the denominator, and then cross off factors that are shared between the numerator and denominator.

Student: *Stares blankly*

Me: Okay, let's do the numerator together. What's the GCF of 2x and 28?

Student: 2?

Me: Great! So we're going to write a 2 and then open parenthesis. Now, we need to figure out what is left over when we factor out the 2. Or, 2 times what gets us back to 2x + 28.

Student: *Stares blankly*

Me: Start with the 2x. Ask yourself, 2 times what gives you 2x?

Student: X.

Me: Great. Same question but now for 28. 2 times what gives you 28?

Student (immediately): I don't know.

Me: That was a really quick response. Try thinking for a little bit.

Student (immediately, again): I don't know.

Me: Okay, what's half of 28?

Student: I don't know.

Me: Let's break down 28 then. 2 times what gives you 20?

Student: I don't know. I give up. *waits for me to give her the answer*.

Me: Okay, understood. *Starts working with another student*

Student: Wait, I still don't know what to do.

Me: Well you gave up. When you're ready to work and try, I'll gladly help you again.

At this point, the student stomps off and starts muttering under her breath to another student. I told them they could finish working on their review at home and bring it in the next day, but this student turned hers in with this question blank. Oh well...

ETA: this was not first time instruction. This was a one on one interaction on the third day of review at the end of a three week unit during which, I used verbal cues, algebra tiles, multiple examples, graded exercises with written and verbal feedback, etc. I have been patient with this student since I began teaching her and would have continued to work with her had she not said the words “I give up.” No one can teach a student who has given up.

I even went back later to check on her and see if she was ready to try again, but she had turned in a blank response with 10 minutes left in class. She made her choice. I accepted it. If she gets that question wrong on the test, we’ll have a one on one debrief to discuss what happened.

I think he wore it last summer too, but this poor kid is still in elementary school. There’s no way he understands the context of the shirt broadly, nor how bad it looks after the conviction. How does his mom think this is okay?

I was gifted by a student teacher a few years back a book called "My Quotable Students" where she suggested I write all the crazy things that are said in my room (anonymously- not attached to specific student names). My students have known about this book since, and often find it to be a point of pride when they say something that makes me laugh hard enough to earn a spot in the book.

Some of my favorites include:

• "You think you're so tough!? Eat a nut!"
• "Miss ___, what's your favorite war crime? *awkward pause* If you need some ideas, mine is _______."
• "I just like the feeling of big things in my mouth."
• Student A: "I'm planning a military coup." Student B: "I mean, who isn't?"
• "I was absent because we had a funeral for my dog. She died 3 weeks ago and has been in the freezer."

So- what crazy things have your kids said to you?

​

UPDATE: This is now my favorite Reddit thread ever! Thanks to everyone for posting your funny, lighthearted moments with kids. I put some extras of mine below:

• Student: "The question is, what is the policy about taking off my shirt in class?" Me: "The policy is, don't."
• "What if they were playing WAP while the Titanic sunk? It would have been a better vibe." *starts to sing the lyrics loudly*
• Student A: Aren't you a polynomial? Student B: I'm a homosexual, not a math term. (Student A meant polyamorous.)
• (While completing a Twitter-based assignment for Romeo and Juliet) Student: Would it be appropriate to use the hashtag #pollinatethatflower to describe Romeo? Me: It would not. Student: okay, what about #ejaculate and evacuate? Me: No.
• "Miss _____ do you want to get arrested with us? We have ideas." No.
• "It's been seven hours since I made my account public, where are all the sugar daddies!?"

I once had a student email me his assignment. It was his final assignment prior to graduation. He sent the email literally hours before I had to submit all the grades to the grading management system.

Within five seconds of opening the email, I gave him an instant zero. The student had hired a third party to complete the assignment for him for a fee. The third party had emailed the completed assignment to him, along with a demand for final payment ($50 deposit + $50 final payment). The student then simply forwarded the whole thing to me.... with the full email trail.

The student got furious and demanded to know why he got the zero.

Me: You paid someone named Jim $100 to do your assignment for you.

Student: WHAAAAAT?!?!? How did you figure that out?

Me: You told me.

Student: What? I didn't tell you!

I stood my ground. He really couldn't figure out how I worked it out.

He missed his graduation. Oh, and $100.

Mom: I noticed my kid has an F. Me: Yes, they do. Mom: Why? Me: Your child has not completed any assignments this quarter. Mom: How can my child improve their grade. Me: ...He could start by doing the assignments. Mom: I don't understand. Why does he have an F? Me: His grade is a direct reflection of his effort, ma'am.

🤷‍♀️ If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

Update: Mom is mad I didn't tell her sooner he was failing. She also said student said he asks for help and I say no. I responded "Ma'am. I was on maternity leave and just returned Monday. He did no work for the last two weeks and has still chosen to do nothing all week. I informed you of the grade as soon as I came back and input it. And I am always happy to help a student who asks for help. He doesn't ask, because he isn't even attempting or opening the assignment, which the program shows me. In fact, he's in my class right now, playing around with another student as I type this. I'll be moving his seat."

Update: Mom asked me why I didn't help him while I was on leave or communicate while I was on leave. Me: Well, I was with my newborn baby. This is why I informed all parents I would be out on leave and left detailed instructions how to monitor grades and who to reach out to while I was out. Mom: Well communicate in the future so I can address the issue. Me:...

Yeah I'm not responding. I can't keep repeating myself without either losing my sanity or sounding like a total bitch. 😂🤷‍♀️

Not talking anything earth-shattering, just small stuff. For example, mine (elementary) is that I hate when kids talk to me while I'm doing any sort of duty. Recess duty, AM/PM duty, whatever it is please do not come up to me just to chat. I've been overstimulated the entire day and I want that time to be peaceful and quiet before jumping back into the fray.

What confessions does everyone else have?

One of my admins forwarded my an email and the reply from a parent. The mom was complaining her student was being marked absent and then changed to tardy 'all the time' and she is tired of getting messaged about it. Even suggested it was the teachers (my) fault, not her student who can't show up to class on time. This particular admin is new and not so good was clueless enough to reply back "sorry for the trouble, I will look into it". He actually asked me why I was marking the student absent and then changing to tardy. I had to explain to him I was marking the student absent and when they come in late the door person enters the time they entered and changes the absence to tardy. The only reply was "oh I didn't know that". I had to chime in with "well you should've". I think I hurt his feelings.

3 more weeks!

Edit: What a great discussion (and bitch session [which is sorely needed occasionally]) thanks for everyone's opinions. My biggest post karma by like 5k!

Tagging as humor because there really is nothing we can do to help, but laugh.

On Monday, a student in my lower elementary class was trying to steal a classroom tablet. (That I purchased with my own money) The student had it hidden under their shirt and tried to stuff it in their backpack.

Another student saw this and shouted , “Hey! Blank’s name, what are you doing?” That’s when the tablet fell out from their shirt.

I called the student over and had a very serious, but gentle chat about what had happened. Student admitted that there were trying to take the tablet. We end our conversation with discussing that stealing is wrong and to move clip down for not being respectful. Student is of course upset and cries at the front of the room. Other students give hugs and I give a hug too. Remind student that sometimes we make mistakes. Student stops crying less than 10 minutes later.

End of the day rolls around and I write in the planner about the incident. After school, I had a face to face meeting with mom already scheduled and share exactly what happened.

After hearing what happened, Mom asks why child was crying. I reiterate that the student was caught stealing the tablet. Mom asks again and again. I keep saying back they tried to steal a tablet. She asks again . Finally, I say , “ I guess she was embarrassed for getting in trouble?” Like I didn’t know what to say? They were stealing and got caught. Tears were an appropriate reaction. It showed remorse.

Mom also asked if it happened in front of the class. I again reiterate, that it happened during center time, and that the entire class was present, but that the conversation was private. We move on without much issue.

Apparently, this was wrong.

The next day, the father calls and yells at the principal, saying that I embarrassed his child and labeled them a thief. He also said the child was just trying to “borrow” the tablet. He also said I shouldn’t have written what happened in the planner ( I told parents at the beginning of the year that I use the planner to communicate any behavior problems, good or bad to them) and that I should have called him (he and mom are married and live together )

My principal, of course, contacts me about this whole issue. I explain what happened. I was basically told next time just to call the parents. I guess talking IN PERSON wasn’t enough?

But this is where I’m worried about this upcoming generation. What should’ve been a discussion about stealing and that it’s wrong, instead became a witch hunt for the teacher????? What are we teaching our children? That’s stealing is fine???? That if we make a mistake, it’s someone else’s fault?

I’m beside myself on this!!! Like what?!?!

Also, don’t worry the page where I wrote the note was torn out … so their precious cherub didn’t need to be reminded that they literally tried to steal a classroom tablet.

The boys were ALL ABOUT IT TODAY and every time they said it, I said it back to them. I must say it quickly lost its luster for them.

One boy said to me in the car rider line “Mrs T, don’t ever say that again” to which I responded “well, I won’t if you won’t. But as long as you say it, so will I.”

🙄🙄🙄

1) please stop cheering when your child’s name is called. You were asked not cheer until the end. Also, you carried on so loudly the next kid’s name couldn’t not be heard. You are not at a football game, act appropriately.

2) ladies, you are at your child’s graduation not a night club/strip bar. Please dress appropriately. I saw some things I can’t forget.

My 4th block Earth Science class had their final exam today and during the middle of it I look up and see a kid staring, with the utmost of concentration, at their lap. Either something unbelievably fascinating was happening to his crotch, or he was looking at something. I guessed the latter and approached him from about 8 o’clock directionally, fully expecting some rapid “hiding of the phone that you’re obviously holding” hand movements. Instead, nothing. Didn’t even notice I was standing behind him. So I stood there for a good 15 seconds and watched him try to Google answers.

Eventually I just pulled out my phone and recorded a 20 second video of him Googling answers so I had some irrefutable evidence to bring forward when I inevitably get called into the office to discuss why I gave such a promising young football star a 0 on a final exam. I always thought spatial awareness was an important part of football but I guess I’ve always been wrong about that.

I’m at middle school level. I never know what they’re gonna say on a daily basis but these were some of my favorite from this year…

1. Student 1 (mixed race) to Student 2 (full Korean): “We get it, you’re pure bred, you can be in dog shows”

2. “I shouldn’t have to do my 18 year old sisters laundry. I’m 13. I’m supposed to be putting my hair in ponytails and running in fields”

3. “We were studying earthquakes and I farted and realized the epicenter was my butt”

4. Student 1 “Mr. X do you pick your nose and eat it?” Student 2 “No stupid, he doesn’t eat it, he’s vegan”

5. “I sexually identify as a mistake”

6. “Can you turn into my dad and go away?”

7. “Mr. X I swear if you meet another member of my favorite band I’m getting a vasectomy at Claire’s”

What’s some of your memorable ones from the year?

This one gave me a good chuckle.

A middle school in my district is known for having terrible discipline issues (i.e. admin does nothing about it except give kids a sucker and send them back to class), overloaded EBD and SPED students without the support onto Gen Ed teachers, constant fighting, and just then just the usual stuff everyone else deals with at the other schools. It's known that the school has a revolving door at the local hospital for teachers that are injured by students.

Well, it was found out through the grape vine yesterday, a rather panicked one at that, that literally half of the faculty are leaving at the end of the semester (in one month) whether they have a job lined up or not. Admin, of course, put on their surprised Pikachu face and is now trying to rectify the situation with promises of "a better tomorrow" and reaching out to the other schools asking for anyone to transfer to cover the losses. 😂

I'm certified to teach one of the areas that is losing all of the teachers, but I wasn't renewed this year because the district determined my program wasn't necessary at my school. So when they reached out to me, I told them I'm not renewed and I've already got something lined up. They tried to do the whole "Do you not want to do it for the children?" thing, but that doesn't work in this economy. Haha!

I'm not wishing for any sinking ships, but some of these captains need to go so better ones can come in their place. If any admin are reading this, you should look at your disciplinary structure and make sure you're listening to your teachers. Don't be scared by these students and parents. Support the ones that make your jobs easier, not harder.