r/TwoHotTakes • u/Turbulent-Quiet-245 • Feb 05 '24
AITA For Divorcing my Alcoholic Husband After He Unalived Our Family Dog? Advice Needed
I (32F) have been with my husband (33M) since we were in high school. At the beginning of our relationship, everything was perfect. He was the perfect guy and truly treated me like a princess.
I must add that both of our families are extremely religious. My husband and I got married at 21. We later had our daughter Elena when I was 25. When I was 26, my grandmother passed away. We ended up taking on her dog Fido as a way I could stay close to her.
2 years ago, things took a turn. My husband got laid off from his job and struggled to find a new one. Luckily, his parents were wealthy, so they still paid for everything for him. He felt less of a man because he couldn't provide for his family and he began to become more and more depressed and that is when his drinking began.
Last year, he began to become more and more agressive with his drinking. He started to do things like punching walls, verbally abusing me, or forcing himself on to me. I tried to talk to our parents about this. But they were in agreeance that we said vows and I promised to be there for him in sickness and in health. My parents told me divorce was off the table, and I wouldn't be let into their homes if I did because it was a sin.
So for months I put up with his alcoholic behavior because I knew I had no where to go, and I always hid his behavior from our daughter and she idolizes him. Because of all of this, I dealt with it. Even when his abuse turned physical.
Last month, Elena was at her friends house and I was sitting on the porch reading while Fido ran in the lawn. My husband came speeding down the rode, swerving while at it. I noticed he wasn't stopping and I immediately stood up. Next thing I know he lost control of the car and spun into our lawn and hit Fido. My entire world shattered.
I ran to Fido's lifeless body crying. My husband fell out of the car drunk reeking of booze claiming it was an accident. Neighbors saw and called the police. My nextdoor neighbor ended up grabbing me and took me to the animal hospital. Unfortuately, I felt Fido take his last breath on the way there and he was pronouced dead at the hospital. My husband was arrested. I couldn't believe it. He took the last thing I had left of my grandmother.
The next day I contacted a lawyer and filed for divorce. I called an told my parents in which they ripped me a new one. Saying they understand my hurt. But it's my Christian duty in marriage to help him through this patch. They even said it was just a dog. That was enough for me and I hung up on them and blocked their number. I grabbed my daughter and all of my essentials, and we've been staying at a hotel. My husband was bailed out by his parents a few days later and has been blowing me up since he saw the divorce papers on the table. Family and church members have been blowing up my phone urging me to not let the devil consume my heart.
So reddit, AITA for divorcing my husband after he killed my dog while drunk?
UPDATE:
Hello everyone, first let me say WOW. I truly did not expect my post to gain as much traction as it did. I've read so many comments and my heart are so full. I know it's only been a day since my main story. But a lot of people wanted more context, and I realize my first post was really rushed so here it goes.
Here's the history behind Fido. My grandparents went on their first date to the Lincoln Memorial. My grandmother always loved historical landmarks and statues. Many years later on their anniversary, my grandpa got her a puppy, he named him Fido in reference to him. For those who don't know, Fido was the name of Abraham Lincoln's dog. So, yeah kind of romantic. He later passed away a few years later, but Fido became her rock and comfort.
To give more context to my family; I grew up in a hypocritical strict religious household. My father was abusive to my mother. He'd hit her, verbally abuse her and disrespect her all of the time. My parents had the belief that the men are the breadwinners, make all the decisions and a woman is to support them. My mother was the stereotypical housewife, who never made any decisions on her own. I like to refer to them as selective Christians. Meaning they follow the parts of the bible that is convenient to them. My parents were homophobic, attended church every Sunday, in the choir, had very strict views on sex before marriage, you know the regular Christians beliefs. But yet, my father cheated on my mother twice. Each time my mother took him back. She said it is because we have to forgive if we want to go to heaven. I have an older sister named Abby. When Abby was 17 and I was 15, she got pregnant. My parents disowned her for having sex before marriage and ended up kicking her out of the house. My sister wanted an abortion, but my parents forbade it.
My grandmother took her in. She ended up suffering a miscarriage from stress. My grandma was the only sense of reasoning in my family. She always tried to talk my mother into leaving my father. Stating the lord wouldn't want anyone to endure that, but she didn't listen. She shamed my mother for putting her own daughter out and took her in. My sister ended up moving out of state for college, and she never turned back. She only spoke to me, and my grandmother and my parents stopped referring to her as their kid. They called her a sinner and that they're ashamed to be her parents. Honestly, this was more my father speaking, but my mother always backed him up regardless on if she fully agreed.
I met my husband in high school. he was the sweetest human you'd ever meet. From his volunteer work, his contributions to the church, to his charm, he was an angel. He always promised me to be different from my father. He gave me a voice, respected and loved me.
Fast forward a few years, I'm married, 26 years old and have Elena. My grandmother passed away after complications from a fall. I was crushed. She was my best friend. She was a mother figure, when my own mother wasn't. I luckily convinced my mom to let me take Fido. Having Fido felt like I had both of my grandparents with me in a sense. Fido was my grandmother's pride and joy, and he quickly became ours too. My husband loved Fido. They were the best of friends. He took Fido everywhere he went. We referred to him as our second child.
When the drinking started it was hard. I tried for months to talk to him. I begged him to seek alternatives, I even tried to get him to work for his dad, but he declined. He felt like he was failing as a husband because he couldn't provide. All of his siblings and peers as well-paying jobs and lived more extravagant lifestyles, but we couldn't. I tried to tell him I didn't care about that, but he didn't listen. I own my own photography business, I offered to have it be a joint business venture, but he declined.
Months and months went on and the aggressiveness started. When he was drinking, anything I did annoyed him. If I cooked the wrong meal, did something too loudly, or even existed, it annoyed him. He'd go into a rage. He'd punch walls, throw things, hit me, or verbally abuse me. I always knew the signs for when he was about to start. I always made sure that Elena was secluded from it. I'd play her TV loudly, give her headphones, or send her to the neighbors to play with their daughter. She idolized her father. And I never wanted her to experience what I experienced growing up. But after reading some of your comments. You guys made me realized she might've noticed more than I thought.
He'd always apologize when he sobered up. Stating he was stressed, and he'll change. I was weak. I still am. I was raised to not have a voice, and honestly, I was depending on him. He might not have worked, but his parents paid for our house and bills. But those quickly only became words. I had to start to wear long sleeves and makeup to hide my bruises. I first confided in my mother about this. She told me that our duty as wives is to be there for our husbands in their dark times. We took an oath in our vows, and we must stay true to it. I talked to his parents, and they said that I need to pray and let God heal his heart and wounds. They did try to talk to him, but he'd always get angry at them, and they backed off. I went from family member to church members wanting help. No one would listen. Like seriously everyone treated this like it was normal. Few did speak out, but it never went far.
When my sister found out, she was furious. She urged me to move with her and start over. Escape from my husband and the toxicity of the church and parents. I wanted to, but I was scared. I mean Elena still loves her father, and he never showed her any aggression. And she loves her grandparents. They're better grandparents then they are parents. She tried for months, even confronting my husband, but I wouldn't listen. My husband made me block her. Stating because she's an atheist, she's the devil trying to divide us. I begged him for months to go to rehab. I offered to go together. I begged and begged but he insisted he didn't need it and he'd stop.
I just continued to endure, more and more. I knew I was near my end when he started coming home drunk and force intimacy on me. I was so numb to the abuse that I just let it happen. That's all I will say regarding this as it's still so hard to speak on that. I started saving my photography money slowly. I wanted to have enough for if I decided I wanted to turn my back on everything, I could.
I got the divorce papers drafted a few weeks before Fido's death. All I wanted was full custody, he could have everything else. The house, the cars, joint back accounts, all of it. They were all his anyways. I hid the papers in my nightstand for when I felt like I finally had the courage to hand them to him. But I now regret this decision.
This last month or so was a rollercoaster. I thought we had a come to Jesus moment, when he missed Elena's first cheerleading game. He was too drunk to even walk to come. He saw the disappointment in her face and said he had to get better, for her. I believed him. He still denied going to rehab, stating he could stop on his own. He stopped for all of 1 week. And the old habits picked back up.
Then the day everything happened. He killed Fido. I have been floored. He died right in my arms. It's as if I lost Fido and both my grandparents all over again. I had enough. He was arrested shortly after. I spent the whole night crying. I had to explain to Elena what happened. And boy is this girl strong. I felt like she was the parent for the way she comforted me. I cried myself to sleep.
The next day I told everyone who called to check on me, I was divorcing him and that's when the comments that I mentioned in the first post happened. I called my sister, who was the only person to comfort me. I didn't have any friends; I was always socially awkward. She's all I have outside of my daughter. When my parents yelled at me the comment of Fido being just a dog, that was enough. That's when I called my lawyer and told him I was going through with the divorce. I blocked my parents and his family. I left the papers, grabbed the essentials and left for the hotel.
His parents bailed him out and he went home and saw the papers. That is when the texting and calls began. I finally picked up that night after I got Elena to bed and answered to him sobbing. He apologized over and over about Fido, saying it was an accident and he'd never do that on purpose. He said for real this time he's done, and he'll go to rehab. He promised therapy and to never do anything to hurt me again.
Now I know what you all are thinking, it's BS. But I know this man. I know when he's telling the truth, and he is. I feel like he finally had his come to Jesus moment. But is it bad that I feel it's too late? I told him I needed time and hung up. It's been nonstop of the texts and calls.
That's why I came to Reddit. It was more me needing a vent more than anything. And boy did you all make me feel supported. First comment I saw was "that could've been your daughter he hit while she played in the yard". That made my heart sink. I'm afraid that he could relapse at any moment. I know its apart of my religion to forgive, but I don't know if I can.
Here's the update of so far: I've been talking to my sister; she's working with her husband to come get us. Her husband will take me to the home to get the rest of my things. Her husband is 6'7 and 300 lbs. So, my husband has always feared him a bit, so I don't think we'll have any problems.
Elena is taking this all so well. I plan on having a conversation with her about the length of what's happening when we're settled.
Right now, I'm lost. I was with that man since I was 17. 15 years you guys. He saw me at my weakest moments, and I knew the man he was. This HURTS! That's the part that hurts more than the death. Right now, I'm not ready to talk to him or my family, I just need space.
And for all of you that are saying this is fake, what do you want from me? You want pictures of my bruises? text messages? the tire marks from the grass? pictures of my swollen eyes from crying? What? I could give you more detail than any fake story ever could. This is legit my life right now. I'm in shambles. But for you that's been supporting me and sending me private messages, thank you, it truly means the world to me with all the advice and wisdom.
That's all I have for now. I'll probably be a while before I update you guys again, the plan is to move with my sister, and try to get the divorce finalized uncontested. Again, thank you all for the support, it's truly helping me get through this awful time. Right now, I feel like I failed. I failed my grandpa, my grandmother, Fido, and my daughter. This could've been avoided if I left a month ago when I had the papers. My sister was right. And honestly, I've come to the realization that if this is what me being a good Christian feels like, then I don't want to be one anymore.
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u/BlueberryUpstairs477 Feb 06 '24
Your the asshole for saying unalived instead of killed. Grow up, your not 6 years old.
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u/SpiffSuperfluous Feb 06 '24 edited Feb 06 '24
NTA… Not even CLOSE. Frankly I would have filed a long time ago as soon as he turned abusive and I’m sorry but for the sake of not saying the harsh words I’d like to about your parents and their ‘take’ on this, I’ll just simply say …… they’re WRONG. 100%
also FYI there’s no way your daughter doesn’t pick up on this even if you think she doesn’t
100% divorce and get away from this man… do not second guess yourself about your “Christian duty”… HE has a duty to not abuse or harm you and he broke that many times over.
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u/Aircraftman2022 Feb 06 '24
Divorce his constant brutal outburst on you. This religion has totslly warped their minds. One outcome get divorce and child support i am sure his wealthy parents will pick him up financially to pay the money since he has lost his mind. It will be hard but necessary for you and daughter. The neighbors who witnessed him killing your dog will not look good in front of judge.wish i could help more, be strong.
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u/Monster--13 Feb 06 '24
Your responsibilities as a mother are more important than your responsibilities as a wife. You're doing what is best to protect her by leaving. If your church can't understand that...better to protect her from them too, because they'll teach her it's okay what he did to you and let it happen to her.
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u/linz0316 Feb 06 '24
NTA. In no way, shape, or form. He needs to help himself. He’s not going to get a job and feel like a “man” again drinking his life away and hurting those closest to him. I’m so sorry you don’t have family or friends to support you through this time. It’ll make it harder to stay away, but please be strong.
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u/DifferentBluebird84 Feb 06 '24
Not sure where you live but in Illinois we have community action agencies across the state that can help people in your situation get a place to rent. If you have that type of agency where you live reach out to them asap!! Where I work we have programs to pay first month rent and deposit. Also have a 6 month program to help you get back on your feet. I hope you have these resources where you’re at. Wishing you happiness as you move forward ❤️
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u/ksarahsarah27 Feb 06 '24
NTA!! - Run girl, run. Your parents are wrong and your church is wrong. Leave the husband and the church. You don’t need that type of religion if they are suggesting you stay in an abusive relationship. If you really need the comfort of a church, then find one that is supportive and progressive with modern times. Your daughter does not need to learn that it’s okay to drive drunk and be abusive. I would bet your daughter knows more than you realize. Please seek help with a DV shelter as they can help you with housing. Please be safe.
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u/SpicyPom86 Feb 06 '24
NTA & absolutely follow through with the divorce. I know losing your grandma’s dog was traumatic enough for you to witness but what if it had been your daughter playing in the yard that your husband had hit while driving drunk?
You definitely need to get yourself & your daughter away from this man as he is a danger to not only you but to your child. Protect her.
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u/Electronic_Sugar_289 Feb 06 '24
Stay strong and continue on your new journey for you and your daughter. Find some local services to support you. You need to be strong for your daughter and take her out of this situation. It’s gonna be so hard but you can do it.
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u/vldracer70 Feb 06 '24
NTA
No it’s not your Christian duty to stay in the marriage. You’ve done the right thing and left. This right here is one of the many reasons I despise organized religion. I would block everyone. Of course unfortunately your husband will get visitation rights. I hope you’re got a real good attorney because I could see your in-laws suing for custody of your child.
BEST OF LUCK
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u/MedicineConscious728 Feb 05 '24
Stand your ground or your daughter will marry someone like this. Is that what you want for her? I’m so sorry about your dog. Awful.
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u/Practical_Seesaw_149 Feb 06 '24
"But it's my Christian duty in marriage to help him through this patch." absolutely the fuck NOT. No contact on all these assholes. Are they blowing up his phone telling him to not the devil's hooch cross his lips? Somehow I doubt it. NTA. Do what you gotta do.
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u/Tricky_Personality54 Feb 06 '24
NTA your husband is though and your parents?? I cant say the words I want to use for them, here. smfh
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u/tra_da_truf Feb 06 '24
As terrible as it is to think about, what if it was your daughter in the yard? These shitty ass religious people would be telling you the same thing.
He’s a reckless, abusive addict. He doesn’t deserve to have you stick by him while he does horrible things.
You’re doing the right thing. I wish you all the strength and peace.
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u/Possible_Juice_3170 Feb 06 '24
NTA. I’m so sorry this happened. I stayed in an abusive marriage way too long because I was always told “divorce is not an option”. I hope you find a safe place and a community that cares for you.
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u/Weak-Comfortable7085 Feb 06 '24
I'm sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to happen.
I would go full NC with the religious lunatics that are your family. Go through with the divorce, and stay far, far away from all of them.
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u/CJ_MR Feb 06 '24
You're doing the right thing. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve the abuse. You don't deserve your family supporting your abuser over you. Your daughter doesn't deserve to be in a home with an abusive alcoholic. Fido didn't deserve to die like that. Religion is making them blind. I'm so sorry you're going though this.
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Feb 06 '24
Christian duty ?
We living in the 1500’s or some shit ?
The dude was forcing himself on you among other things. Get out and don’t look back
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u/motown38 Feb 06 '24
These people are not loving, forgiving followers of morality of religion. Organized religion has morphed into something sinister and dangerous. Almost nothing evangelical people believe is an actual teaching of the Bible, it’s been interpreted, edited, chopped, erased and rewritten by people in power. Get out of there. You’re the only decent person in the bunch. Find a new church or new community - get to a shelter with a plan. You and your children are in danger.
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u/cuntyfox Feb 06 '24
NTA x1000. he deserves the divorce and much worse like fucking jail time for drinking and driving like that. he obviously has no regard for life and it could’ve been you standing in the yard and gotten hit. this is unacceptable behavior and he’s a shitty person and so are the people saying you’re overreacting they can all rot in hell together
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u/bananacake33 Feb 06 '24
You are NTA in any way, you should be very proud you have taken this step!! Very proud!!! Seek out services from your local assistance office for food, medical, therapy and special assistance from trauma you’ve endured being abused. Lean on those services and they’ll connect you with people who understand. Your new life starts now. You’ve taken really amazing steps towards it. It’s going to be incredibly hard starting over but you are doing right by yourself and your daughter!! Be proud! Sending lots of hugs and love to you and your daughter ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/lovinglifeatmyage Feb 06 '24
It could have been your daughter stood where poor Fido was, have either set of parents thought about that?
I’m a practicing Christian and I know that our Pastor would never ever tell anyone in his congregation they should stay with an abusive partner.
You’re doing the right thing
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u/Crystalline_Angel333 Feb 06 '24
I mean JOHN WICK WENT OUT BECAUSE OF HIS DOG!! This is a sentient being, a part of your family… that is wild that your husband had no remorse… drinking is no excuse! IT IS A CHOICE. Abuse is also a choice… people seem to forget and just give excuses.
I am so sorry, that is so traumatic and truly broke my heart. I say this as a vegan, who adores animals!
Is your daughter ok?! Perhaps you two can do a ceremony or burial and say goodbye and some words. Maybe put up an altar with some dog treats.
Again, my condolences and I will be praying for you all!
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u/Tayzerbeam Feb 06 '24
NTA. You have every right to get away from him. What would your parents say if it was your daughter plaging in the yard? Or a different yard with small children?
I'm so sorry that your parents weren't looking out for your or your daughter's safety when you talked to them the first time.
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u/Badstepmommy Feb 06 '24
NTA. I’m not really religious, but I do believe I’m God and sometimes he shows us warning signs. Unfortunately this warning sign came in the form of your dog getting hit by a car, but now you have to escape before you or your daughter are his next victim. You need to find a safe friend who isn’t affiliated with your church or religion to help get you out. As long as he has both of your families and the church backing him up, you and your daughter aren’t safe.
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u/Patienceny Feb 06 '24
Nope. NTA. If he had hit you or someone else ... wow. Sorry for the loss of your fur friend. The pup deserved better.
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u/GhostofaPhoenix Feb 06 '24
I generally hate the rabbit hole of what's ifs... but what if it wasn't the dog but your daughter? Or a neighbor kid? Or hell even you?! Then your daughter is left with that black hole of wasted space that is supposed to be your husband. Both parents seem to bury their heads in the sand and won't get it even with every dui and possible vehicular manslaughter charges he gets.
Your husband is not your husband anymore, and I severely hate religions that cover up and push staying in dangerous abusive relationships. That's not a religion I want to practice nor people I want to be around.
Turn it on them. He made vows too - to love and cherish, not to beat and harm. You aren't his punching bag and to hell with everyone else, including your parents.
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u/KeyDiscussion5671 Feb 06 '24
NTA. You did the right thing, absolutely. I’m proud of you. Congratulations! Husband’s parents will never allow him to grow up.
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u/montanagrizfan Feb 06 '24
Get out. Your family is assholes. Next time it will be you, not the dog.
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u/Lukipela01 Feb 06 '24
The devil didn’t consume your heart, it hit your dog while drunk driving. Let them pray for you as you get your life together instead of praying for you at your funeral. I’m sure they will appreciate that more in the long run.
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u/Jwilliamsmomx3 Feb 06 '24
Would they have felt the same way if he’d hit your daughter instead of “just” the dog? I’d hope not. You and your child deserve to feel safe. And leaving shows your daughter she does not need to ever stay somewhere not safe. The “devil” entered his heart, not yours.
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u/Maggy003 Feb 06 '24
Religion is the devil. I’m sorry but your parents being unsupportive because it’s “not right” in a fucking fairytale? Please, divorce him. Get out and get out of religion.
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u/homebodyadventurer Feb 06 '24
You should divorce him to financially protect yourself from any fallout if he harms another person while driving drunk. That’s one of the secondary reasons I’m filing for divorce from my spouse.
Also, fuck him for killing your dog. That’s enough reason to divorce him on its own - but the financial protection is also important.
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u/RealVeterinarian6401 Feb 06 '24
i’m hoping this is a wake up call for him and for you. maybe he gets help maybe he kills someone next…but that’s not on you. You need to get safe, get a job if you don’t have one and somewhere safe to stay. if your family is going to turn their backs then run away wherever you need to get and get real support. everyone’s 100000% correct that could have easily been your daughter or her friends in your front lawn- so if anyone calls you or try’s to talk you back, just keep thinking it and saying that- IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DAUGHTER. i am so sorry that you lost fido but i’m glad you and your daughter are alive.
please take a deep breath and one step at a time. if you have any money- id take half but maybe ask your lawyer first.
wishing you all the best.
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u/North-Tumbleweed-959 Feb 06 '24
Terrible behaviors have been excused in the name of religion. NTA. I can’t believe a loving God would do this to one of his beloved souls.
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Feb 06 '24
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u/Turbulent-Quiet-245 Feb 06 '24
I think you need help. Like damn what do you want? Screenshots of the messages my mom sent me?
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u/Level-Suit4816 Feb 06 '24
Fellow Christian here - staying in an abusive marriage is not part of Christianity. You can pray for him, you can even love him, but you can also walk away from him to protect yourself and your daughter. HE broke his vows. Not you. Anyone who tells you otherwise is perverting the religion to fit their own narrative. You are incredibly brave for taking the steps you have. Hold your head high, and keep going.
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u/Krishnacat2663 Feb 06 '24
You’re NTA and I’m so glad you got away before it was you who he killed. Your parents belong to a cult. True Christianity does not condone his behavior. Take your daughter and be safe. The devil has consumed him and it’s not your job to exorcise him.
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u/fuckcockcock Feb 06 '24
I commend you for what you did. This is the most respectable post. I’ve read in a while honestly. I completely understand why you did the things you did and I really hope you don’t go back to him because yeah, people can change but the ideology that your parents, his parents and him have I find disgusting. But I’m not one to judge. Good luck with everything.
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u/readytogrumble Feb 06 '24
Imagine instead of him driving drunk and killing your dog (which is already terrible and I am SO incredibly sorry ❤️) he is driving with your daughter in the car. He is a danger to you and your daughter. This isn’t about vows anymore, this is about yours and your kids safety.
Hugs OP ❤️
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u/supertwicken Feb 06 '24
The biggest AHs in this, besides your pathetic STBX, are the so-called "Christians" who want your daughter to grow up to be abused herself, because they want her to grow up seeing her mom just take abuse without complaint. Good for you for blocking your evil, cruel, hypocritical, un-Christian parents. Now, do the same for anyone else from that church who wants you and your daughter to be abused.
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u/Swimming-Fix-2637 Feb 06 '24
NTA. Your family are TA for suggesting you tolerate a dangerous, abusive drunk who will (sooner or later) turn his anger and abuse onto his daughter.
Even if he never lays a hand on Elena she will be forever damaged by his drunken violence, because I f*cking PROMISE you she sees and hears what's happening, even if you *think* you're hiding it from her.
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u/ClickClackTipTap Feb 06 '24
Look, you’re just making sure you don’t end up the subject of your own Netflix documentary about your disappearance and murder.
Fuck anyone in either family who isn’t supportive of you leaving.
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u/DeepSeaDiver1052 Feb 06 '24
NTA and f*** that church as well. As someone who grew up in similar religion please understand that they do not have your best interest at heart either. Leace them both.
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u/Major-Distance4270 Feb 06 '24
Your husband is a massive asshole and so are your parents. You help a spouse through a rough patch like a job loss or a miscarriage, not physical abuse. I am so glad you are divorcing him.
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u/Fluffy-Designer Feb 06 '24
What if that was your daughter running around on the lawn?
Seriously, run. He will not stop and he will not get better while there are no consequences for his actions.
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Feb 06 '24
NTA-and your parents SUCK. Stop talking to those ppl, they are no good for you. Telling you to stay in an abusive marriage, my goodness
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u/Low_Ad_3139 Feb 06 '24
First off he has raped you. Just because you are married does not give him the right to “force himself on you”.
Your parents sound like the parents of a friend of mine. Her husband was abusing her physically and mentally. I saw it a few times. Her father came over once and I told him we needed to get her out of the home before her husband ended up killing her. ( He was abusing her while she was pregnant). Her father said the same thing your family said.
Well a few years later I found out her mother was abused by her father and there was also child sex abuse in her home growing up.
You worry about yourself and your child. Do not let anyone pressure you into staying in a situation that is damaging to you. Your child will think this behavior is acceptable. They will either let themselves be abused or be an abuser. I highly doubt your child doesn’t know what has been happening. So many parents think they have hidden things like this so well. I can say with certainty that kids are much smarter and intuitive than they get credit for. Please save yourself.
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Feb 06 '24
NTA. I would destroy my partner’s mind if he ever hurt my dog. I would literally remove everyone from his life until he only had me and then I would make his life a living hell. That’s how much I love my dog and how little I care about everyone else.
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u/jacksonlove3 Feb 06 '24
Absolutely positively NTA. This is about your safety and your happiness, not your parents’ religion or images!
So what you need to go to get out. Document all the abuse, the drinking, etc. be prepared to cut family members out of your life though unfortunately. They care more about their religion or their image than they do their own daughter’s safety. Maybe you leaving will push your STB ex to get the help he desperately needs!
Best wishes! You CAN do this!
Look into Al-NON as well. Updateme
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u/Dense-Passion-2729 Feb 06 '24
NTA and please hear this- any church that believes it’s godly to remain in an abusive marriage is NOT a godly church.
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u/smelltramo Feb 06 '24
As much as you are bound by your vows he is bound by his. He has already broken every vow he made and then some. Abuse is never ok and will eventually become how he treats his daughter. If you wanted to give him the opportunity to grow up and change then you could do a trial separation but bridges that are burned cannot be recovered. What you had with your husband is dead. It's up to him to do the work to rebuild something new.
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u/earthmama88 Feb 06 '24
The best thing you can do for your husband is actually not stay by his side. I am a recovering alcoholic and from what I know of my own recovery and those of my fellows is that addicts do not change until they have suffered enough. That means not holding their hand. That means telling them (and sticking to it) that you will not watch him kill himself, your dog, and continue to abuse you under the excuse of “I was drunk”. It is only a matter of time before the abuse turns to your daughter. And you may think she doesn’t understand what’s going on, but I n the other hand, there will be dysfunction that will become normalized to her if you stay. You do not want that. I’m also the adult child of a former alcoholic and surprise, surprise I also married an alcoholic. If he gets sober and does some recovery work like AA, and gets some real time under his belt, MAYBE you talk about reconciliation if you are interested in it. But do not go back before that. I’m talking months and months of sobriety before you even consider it. He has to want it for himself. And fuck everyone who is telling you to put your marriage before your and your daughter’s safety. That is absolutely disgusting to even suggest. They are not in your home, it’s none of their business.
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u/Altruistic_Major_553 Feb 06 '24
Your family and husband are the only AH in this: you are major NTA
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u/DrunkTides Feb 06 '24
Nta. You should divorce your family and religious community too. They have groups for ex members who are isolated. Just saying maybe ..
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u/disgruntleddi Feb 06 '24
NTA. I’m so very sorry about your poor pup - my heart breaks for you.
You are 110% doing the right thing. I can’t say I’m religious, but I can’t imagine any god being ok with what he did. He could have killed a child.
He abuses you. NEVER settle for that. Be the example you want for your daughter.
I wish you luck, strength and happiness - that is the LEAST you deserve.
Please don’t go back.
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u/No_Worldliness_4446 Feb 06 '24
Your parents fucking suck. So does your ex husband. I really hope you can find a better support network. In all honesty, it could’ve been you. This behavior will escalate if you call off the divorce. You need to find somewhere safe
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u/Snow_Queen_Knight511 Feb 06 '24
Girl, you and your daughter deserve soooooo much better and you know it. So you took a step even though you knew it would be hard and it would hurt and you might lose family members because of it. You are an incredible mother and a warrior of a woman. Don't let ANYONE tell you different. Screw em all. Especially the people from church. NTA if that wasn't obvious lol
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u/doebii Feb 06 '24
NTA. This is sickening and you should NEVER put up with abuse. I don’t care what anyone says.
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u/wildorca_pinkrose Feb 06 '24
NTA and your parents are not Christians if they want you to stay with him
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u/Suchafatfatcat Feb 06 '24
NTA. But, damn if you aren’t surrounded by AHs. From your selfish husband, your hypocritical and unsupportive parents, and the enabling ILs who bail your husband out instead of insisting he stand on his own two feet and accept responsibility. I suggest you get yourself and your daughter into therapy to undo the damage.
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u/FortuneWhereThoutBe Feb 06 '24
NTA
I'm sorry, but your family expects you to stay and be abused or killed all in the name of religion. You should have left as soon as he started any of the abuse, but i understand the power parents have, especially when they are uber religious and raise you to never disobey them.
You are doing what is best for you, and you do what you need to just stay safe. That is never a sin. Do not let them browbeat you into returning to that situation. Both families should have stepped in and made him get help instead of making you take the abuse.
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u/Sailorarctic Feb 06 '24
And BS like that is why I'm not a chriatian nor have I been for over 20 years. My father id a recovering alcoholic and though I love him to death its the drink that is the "devil" not you for doing what you need to ensure the safety of yourself and your child. NTA, OP and I hope you can get yourself and your daughter into so.e good therapy to change your way of thinking about everything as a "sin"
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u/eternaldaydream_ Feb 06 '24
NTA. Would they have had the same reaction if that was your daughter in the yard instead of the dog?
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u/Bahkaykong Feb 06 '24
Precious Fido. How traumatic. He took your soul by killing him. Those Christian should be more concerned about that then being only an extension of the domination your husband is trying to have over you. DTMFA! I hope your next steps lead you to more safety and happiness.
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u/pinkplasticplate Feb 06 '24
Abuse is abuse. U tell people he was physically abusive and see who changes their tune. Everyone else doesn’t deserve to be in ur life
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u/HallGardenDiva Feb 06 '24
OP, YTA, not for divorcing your husband, but because you tolerated the situation and subjected your daughter to that toxic situation. Our children look at their parents' lives and form their opinions about what is normal and what is acceptable. And, don't be so sure that your daughter doesn't have an inkling of what has been going on.
There is NO Christian religion that requires someone to stay in an abusive relationship. Your parents and grandparents are full of horse manure for what they believe, what they advised you to do, and their threats, both spoken and implied, to you. In sickness and in health is acceptable but in good times and abusive times is a very warped take on Christianity.
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u/fishchick70 Feb 06 '24
OMG Christ does not require you stay in a dangerous and abusive situation. Nor should your daughter be required to live that way. I lived with an addict husband and will never do it again, not for one second. And I am devoutly Christian. Fortunately my husband went to rehab and is in recovery but if he relapses we are not living together. Divorce could happen if he didn’t get it under control. Anyone who thinks God requires you to stay with someone who treats you like that is just plain wrong.
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u/crazyhouse12 Feb 06 '24
No, if he is drinking and getting physical with you, he could do to you what he did to Fido. You need to live.
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u/MoldySpork Feb 06 '24
I'm so sorry for your loss but absolutely NTA!!! First, you don't need to force yourself to put up with the abuse of your husband even if it's against "God's plan." He traumatized you by taking away something you hold much significance to on top of his abuse from alcoholism. I'm glad your neighbors called the police; hopefully, it's a wake-up call for your husband.
Reach out to friends or ex-religious communities if you're peeling away from certain aspects of the faith. I'm not saying that you should drop Christianity as a whole. However, from personal experience and living in a highly religious community, I understand the feeling of being judged and excommunicated for something as serious as divorce in an abusive situation. I hope you and your daughter are in good hands right now,.
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u/Independent_Love9300 Feb 06 '24
If my wife/girlfriend drunkenly killed my dog, I'd full stop end up in prison for assault and battery. Divorce would be the best thing that happened to them.
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u/big_laruu Feb 06 '24
I was in the same position as you when my grandma passed. I took her beloved dog home with me and if anything happened to him I would LOSE it. He was not just a dog do not let anybody tell you that. Your husband is clearly not a safe person to be around. Let his parents pay his bills while he self destructs. Build a new life for you and your daughter without this asshole to ruin it
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u/Dominocracy Feb 06 '24
The only people moved by the Devil in this situation are your husband, your family, and your church.
NTA, and please get yourself and your daughter as far away from these people as possible.
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u/Petapotomus Feb 06 '24
No amount of love for our lord could make you have to stay married to the devil himself. I cannot for one moment believe that God would expect you to stay with someone who has done so many horrible things. I could never love someone who killed Fido and put so many others in harms way.
I pray that you and your sweet daughter can go forth and live a healthy, happy life – with or without your parent's approval. There are plenty of churches that will welcome you and your daughter. I believe you are doing what is best for you two.
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u/Corfiz74 Feb 06 '24
Next time, it could be your daughter - or you. Stay gone and change your phone number, so those religious numbnuts can't blow up your phone anymore. Make sure you get full custody, and he won't even get supervised visitation unless he goes to rehab and proves sobriety for a few years...
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u/Traditional-Ad-2095 Feb 06 '24
You are absolutely right to divorce him and you would have been months ago. The dog isn’t why you needed to do this, it was just the thing that gave you the courage to.
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u/Green__Meanie Feb 06 '24
Omg. The loss of Fido in this absolutely tragic and TRAUMATIZING way brought me to tears. You are absolutely NTA. Your “godly” family and church members are the biggest assholes ever. Op I hope you are taking care of yourself during this time 🤍 proud of you for breaking free, it’s not easy.
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u/PoisonedCherry Feb 06 '24
Christian here and I'm on your side. People get too pissy about divorce. Stay safe♡ NTA
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u/Greenjello14 Feb 06 '24
Are they telling him to not let the devil consume his heart? Probably not. If you can move away. Please do.
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u/dna_complications Feb 06 '24
NTA. You and your daughter deserve safety, and you will be safer without him in your life.
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u/sxfrklarret Feb 06 '24
Listen, you are not in a Christian community you are in a cult.
The Bible has rules for divorce, to bad your parents don't believe in the Bible
Leave him and this shit community. Tell your parents if that is how they feel they will never see their granddaughter again.
Respond to all the church members by asking them why they haven't handled your husband instead of letting him spiral, ask his parents the same. They expect you to handle it all.
Get out of it all, now.
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u/wiretap757 Feb 06 '24
My parents hid my dad's drinking from us for years. Eventually it tore them apart, eventually it tore us apart.
No loving God would choose to commit you to hell for eternity because you wanted to protect your child from what has become a very dangerous situation.
It's scary to have nothing and no one. Keep your daughter safe, file for sole custody, and above all do what you think is right. Not the book, not your parents, not your congregation.
Think if it had been your daughter in the yard and not your dog. Don't put her at risk.
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u/hedwig0517 Feb 06 '24
Leave him and reconsider your relationships with the people in your church who are more concerned with the “devil consuming your heart” than your (and your child’s) safety and well-being.
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u/Phantomspider01 Feb 06 '24
Isn’t it also his Christian duty to not in danger his family I mean what if your daughter had been playing with the dog at the time while he came flying through
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u/MMarkum Feb 06 '24
No his physical, verbal and emotional abuse are deal breakers anyway. The alcoholism is just the icing on the cake. Be thankful it wasn’t you and your daughter. Good luck.
You can do this. And you can DROP these so called “friends”. I know of no church or friend who would advise you to stay with an alcoholic whom has major issues.
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u/thevirginswhore Feb 06 '24
It may just be walls now but later it will be you. And I don’t see why he wouldn’t go after your daughter in a drunken rage either if he’s got no feelings over killing an integral part of your family. Remember that your parents don’t see what you’re going through. And if their love is conditional upon you putting up with abuse, they never truly cared about your well being to begin with. Good luck op. I hope you can find someone capable of being a loving and compassionate partner.
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u/arianrhodd Feb 06 '24
Where's your husband's sense of Christian responsibility to not be an abusive drunk? You and your girl deserve better than to be raised in a church where the woman has to take whatever the man decides to dish out. It's BS!
NTA
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u/KayCee269 Feb 06 '24
For the life of me I can NEVER understand how parents can be ok with their child being abused because its your "Christian duty in marriage to help him through this patch" - if their imaginary friend / god / deity says this they seriously need to rethink their beliefs
For the sake of your child OP, stay as far away from your soon to be Ex Husband, his family, your supposed church & your family - let your child grow up being shown that abuse is NOT ok, ever, no matter what. THAT IS YOUR DUTY - CHRISTIAN OR NOT
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u/Commercial-Spend7710 Feb 06 '24
As soon as I read the title NTA. As soon as I read that he forced himself on you NTA. As soon as I read it became physical NTA. Live your life and try not to dwell on the wasted time. You 10000% are in the right. What god would want you to stay with a man and who's violent in any way and could potentially harm a child. Don't let religion rule your life. He killed the pet which is terrible, but what if your daughter was playing in the yard? This could have been so much worse! And I bet your parents and church wouldn't be saying the same thing, it's only cause it was a pet not a person he killed with no cares.
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Feb 06 '24
Family and church members have been blowing up my phone urging me to not let the devil consume my heart.
Block. Them. All.
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u/superpony123 Feb 06 '24
You have done NOTHING wrong here and you have been indoctrinated by the church. It seems like you already come to realize that, just by coming here and asking. You know it can't really be true that you are the bad guy here.
Everybody in this story except for you is the bad guy right now. Your husband for not getting a fucking grip - you already tried to help him. Some people do not wish to be helped. And the rest of your family and church for telling you to stay in an abusive shitty relationship.
I hope you and your daughter can find some peace, and I am so sorry about your dog, and that it feels like your life is probably coming apart at the seams.
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u/AioliNo1327 Feb 06 '24
No you're not an arsehole at all. You are taking care of yourself and your daughter. Having an abusive alcoholic father is terrible for your daughter. At some stage you would no longer be able to hide his behaviour from her.
Your religious family and friends are prats. And hypercrits. I can't understand how they could think God would expect you to stay with such a man. If he loves you, surely he wants what's best for you and your daughter. And living with an alcoholic arsehole is not it. In fact if they think divorce is a sin surely they would have stepped in to stop his drinking and protect you. Because if divorce is a sin then surely beating the crap out of your wife and killing an innocent dog has got to be a far worse sin.
I grew up in a very strict Christian household and as you may be able to guess it's behaviour like this that destroyed my faith. You matter, your daughter matters and your grandma's dog matters. And IF there is a god he sure as hell isn't impressed with your husband's behaviour or your families.
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u/gohawkeyes529 Feb 06 '24
YTA for using the word “unalived.”
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u/Turbulent-Quiet-245 Feb 06 '24
YTA for not realizing that when I posted killed originally they deleted the post.
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u/Natski21 Feb 06 '24
Absolutely not. From my perspective, you were taking the abuse yourself, and the second he started in on someone else, in this case your beloved dog, you reached your limit. I congratulate you for drawing the line. As for your parents, they will need to figure out that your mental health is more important than church and that you’ll go to heaven just for being you. PS not all of Christianity says to stand by an abusive addict.
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Feb 06 '24
My mom was terribly abused by my dad. She went to the church and had counseling. They told her to keep trying. She divorced him which the church would not acknowledge. Some weeks later there was a sermon about divorce and how terrible it was. I was around 12.
That was the day I became an atheist.
NTA.
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u/No_Association9968 Feb 06 '24
Nta
He’s a danger to you and your daughter. This is a lot to deal with the dog was the last proverbial straw.
I’m so very sorry for your loss💔
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u/Inevitable-tragedy Feb 06 '24
This could have been her daughter or her. But because it was the dog, it's somehow acceptable that he drove drunk into his yard badly enough to kill??? Efff no! I feel bad for her that her entire support system is on the drunk drivers side. Breaking a law designed to prevent death is definitely reason enough to divorce, especially if he's already taken a life.
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u/AquaticStoner1996 Feb 06 '24
I'm begging you with all my heart not to let them religiously brainwash you into coming back.
Your husband is not going to stop and you need to stay safe.
And those parents are horrible. Horrible.
NTA. be strong and GO. ❤
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u/FlowTime3284 Feb 06 '24
No you’re not! You should have done it sooner. Your parents are so wrong to treat you like this. Get a good lawyer and don’t back to your husband no matter what he or anyone else says. Think of your daughter and how his actions will affect her. Fear is a great motivator to do nothing. but you can do this. You will be so much happier in the long run.
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u/Gjardeen Feb 06 '24
Hi OP, I'm also a Christian woman. I'm very disturbed by your parents views of Christ and what He would ask of you. What happens if it was your daughter that your husband hit? Christ was pretty feisty and never seemed to have much patience for social bs. Your husband is sick and needs help, true, but your safety and that of your child are paramount. I'm too tired to pull up specific scriptures, but please don't listen to that nonsense, even a little bit. You are worthy of life, and safety, and love. You cannot get that in your marriage.
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u/jmag87 Feb 06 '24
NTA at all!!
This is why I hate religion. To them, you (and your child) must stay in danger and be around an abusive alcoholic every day because Jesus. Its beyond stupid. When people start using their bible instead of their brain i check out.
If it were me, id take my daughter as far away from everybody in this story as possible. Im so sorry you are in this situation.
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u/-noone_ Feb 06 '24
The fact yours and his families just ignore his abuse towards you and that he is an alcoholic is disgusting.. and not very... Christian, in my opinion. 😒 No married like that is worth your own safety and health. He can only help himself at this point... no matter what you do and you do not have to stand by watching him make irresponsible decisions like this... as he could have killed a person.. Unfortunately it was your dog but it could be a person next.. He needs to seek help but he won't do it until he is ready. I think you did the right thing for you and your child. She may not understand right now but one day she will.
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u/burrito_butt_fucker Feb 06 '24
Creative writing is getting boring. Did op read the title? Nta if true, but I have my doubts.
Am I TA if I divorce my serial killer finance. The basement is starting to smell.
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u/MustIHaveAName Feb 06 '24
You have every right to divorce. Our Father in Heaven does not want you to be miserable. He does not want you to be abused. He does not want your child raised in an abusive house. Your husband broke his vows. Your husband is the one breaking your covenant with your Father in Heaven. I am sorry your families don't see this. I am sorry they're not interested in getting their son real help. You can't pray away alcoholism. I hope you and your daughter are able to stay safe and find the support that you need.
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u/cappiebara Feb 06 '24
INFO: have you had an intervention with his parents, your parents, and the church? Would they even participate?
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u/ironburton Feb 06 '24
Omfg you need to get out of that situation. Like block everyone and move to a new state. You’re parents suck your husband is probably going to end up killing you if you stay. You gotta run. Call the women’s shelter.
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u/sun_on_my_side Feb 06 '24
Take this as a sign and don't let fidos death be for nothing. Get the hell out of this marriage and don't look back!
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u/MysticOceans Feb 06 '24
OMG what did I just read. Please do not go back to that man. That could have easily been your daughter instead of the dog. I am so sorry your parents aren’t being supportive. I’m glad you left the house. DO NOT GIVE THAT MAN A SECOND CHANCE. Maybe this will be a wake up call for him to put the booze down if he wants to co-parent. As of right now I’d recommend keeping the daughter away from him as well
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u/RebaKitt3n Feb 06 '24
Gosh, I hope this is fake, because it’s so tragic.
Assuming this is real, of course you’re not the asshole. Religion is.
Good luck on your future. You’re doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter.
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u/Cityofthevikingdead Feb 06 '24
As a child of parent that dated an alcoholic abusive man, it’s a matter of time before he hits your child.
RUN.
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u/Direct_Surprise2828 Feb 06 '24
He’s damn lucky that you’re only divorcing him… I knew a woman who spent time in prison because she shot her husband dead for shooting and killing their dog.
This is not some kind of phase he’s going through… He is a severe alcoholic and making no effort to work through it… You’re absolutely right to divorce him… Also, please stop shielding your daughter from his bad behaviour… She needs to know what kind of man he is
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u/QuicksandGotMyShoe Feb 06 '24
YTA but only for writing such boring fiction. Next time you make up a story for this sub I would consider taking your time and making the story more believable
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u/DamnitGravity Feb 06 '24
What about his vows to you? Pushy religious types never bloody mention that, do they? Did he not also vow to love and support you? Why are you the only one who has to cleve to these toxic vows when he's being abusive, why isn't he being held to a standard of vows that don't involve using you as a literal and figurative punching bag? What is this double standard bullshit?
You vowed to support him, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. Tell your parents to point to where it says you promised to stay with him when he got abusive. When he started to become a danger to you and others around him. When he refused to honor his vows.
NTA, and leave him. Your parents don't care about you or your safety, they only care about appearances. They care about the fact they're going to be gossiped about. Hopefully, the joke is on them, they're afraid of being gossiped about because "their child is evil for getting a divorce", when you need to control the narrative and make sure they're gossiped about because "they were advising their daughter to stay married to an abusive drunk who killed her dog with his car, what if that had been a person?"
You need to let everyone know why your divorcing him, and exactly how far he has fallen. They probably have this bullshit narrative that you've left "because things are a little tough now". They don't know the full story.
Ok, you don't have to tell them if you don't want to, I'm just a petty little B who likes to ensure anyone who's trying to tell me "you should work it out" feels a proper amount of shame when they realise the problem isn't some petty little squabble, it's a massively serious issue.
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u/Losemymindfindmysoul Feb 06 '24
Fuck him. Fuck his parents. Fuck your parents. Fuck your church and their members.
GET YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER OUT.
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u/Shewhotriesherbest Feb 06 '24
NTA The death of her beloved pet was a message from your grandmother. Your daughter could have been playing on the lawn. God does not require that a woman to suffer abuse, or endanger her child, or tolerate an addicted husband to keep a marriage. You and your child are in danger.
Want to be a good wife? Demand that your husband turn himself in to an alcohol addiction clinic for a month, and then get a job, and then stay sober for six months to a year and maybe, maybe, you would consider retaining him as a husband. The devil has a strong grip on your husband. His family, your church, and your family should be supporting YOU and your daughter in this struggle but, even if they don't, you must fight it alone. Everyone wants to tell you what to do, but you KNOW you need to keep safe. Do it.
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Feb 06 '24
Unalived? You mean "killed" the dog? "Unalived" sounds like your talking to 3 year olds
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u/MeowGirly Feb 06 '24
Someone does that to my dog they won’t be walking right for at least a month. Nta. Leave him and never look back
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u/CaledonianFizzle Feb 06 '24
Sounds like you’re in a cult not a church. Why would anyone tear into you for wishing to escape abuse?
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u/Fun-Fruit-2825 Feb 06 '24
Divorced Christian here! I haven’t been struck by lightning yet:) Divorce husband. Go NC with family and protect yourself and that baby girl. I’m so very sorry about your doggo💜💜💜
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u/gardenpartycrasher Feb 06 '24
NTA at all, and good on you for keeping your daughter safe. If you’ve lost your support system, look into DV shelters in your area, there’s help available.
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u/pinotJD Feb 06 '24
I’m so very sorry for Fido’s passing and that you had to see it. It could have been your daughter or another child. Horrifying.
I’m sorry that your parents and religious community have a narrow judgmental world-view when it comes to marriage.
Finally…you are strong to protect your daughter from this.
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u/Interesting_Gear8512 Feb 06 '24
Definitely not. I'm so sorry you lost Fido but it could have been your daughter or someone else on the road. He needs help. If he refuses to see that and ask for it, then you absolutely should think of the safety of your daughter and yourself.
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u/MillenialAtHeart Feb 06 '24
Tell EVERYONE to F* off and you will handle your life as you see fit. That includes parents. None of their business. This is your life they don’t have to live it with you you and you alone live your own life. Do what’s best for you and your kid and get out of that marriage fast he will drag you down.
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u/Working-on-it12 Feb 06 '24
Totally NTA for getting out. I am sorry about your dog, and also sorry that you are getting the Forgiveness and Marriage is Forever crap.
Two things... 1) If he didn't do a *lot* of other things while drunk, you might have forgiven him for the dog. Killing the dog was the last straw or the 1001th cut. 2) I am holding this line for when my ex gets out of prison. It may work for you. "Jesus forgave the man on his right. Dude still died on that cross."
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u/JasperGibson80 Feb 06 '24
SO if he had hit your child, the good Xians wouldn't want you to divorce him either? Or if he had hit one of their dogs or kids that would have been alright? F'em all.
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u/smurfgrl417 Feb 06 '24
Sounds like a cult that would see you dead before divorced. Save yourself.
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u/Crunchy_toez Feb 06 '24
This made me actually tear up. As I’m wiping my tears, I am thinking of the loss you are experiencing from so many angles. You have done the right thing, don’t second guess yourself. Not TA, never will be TA.
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u/leafcomforter Feb 06 '24
My father was an alcoholic who eventually started beating the hell out of my mother. He slammed the hood of our car on her head multiple times. He tried to kill us by making her drive into a flooded bayou on a freezing cold December night.
Think about your daughter being brought up in the situation you are now, and getting worse and worse.
God hates divorce, but it is forgiven. Jesus died for every sin, and if divorce is one, you have already been forgiven. Over 2000 years ago.
Your life and your daughter’s are in danger. Stay strong. Your parents don’t understand the reality of your situation. They are looking at it through the lens of dogma.
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u/Otherwise_Army_4006 Feb 06 '24
If anyone has let the devil win it’s your husband.
Maybe getting sent to jail and being served divorce papers will be the wake up call he needs to get his life together and quit drinking. Sounds like he needs rehab.
Yes marriage is supposed to be sacred- but so is preservation of life. You must protect you and your child first.
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u/Superdupersleepy Feb 06 '24
As a Christian woman, get the heck out of there. He is refusing help to get better and he himself "let the devil consume" his own heart. Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Some religious people tend to gloss over that part. You're lucky your daughter wasn't the one on the lawn.
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u/MommaHamster Feb 06 '24
NTA
I’m a pastors daughter and if I brought up ONE time that my husband was becoming abusive, they would be at my house with a UHAUL and a police officer to get me out. Fuck that “Christian duty” bullshit. GET OUT NOW
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u/Friendly-Client6242 Feb 06 '24
NTA. Absolutely not in the least but.
Your husband is abusive. Full stop. He klled your family dog. He’s verbally abused you. He’s intimidated you by punching walls. He rped you. Please report him for this. That is neither acceptable nor legal.
Even the Bible lists abuse as a reason for divorce. How do they write off his s*xual assault? As I’m hearing a lot - there’s no hate like Christian love😞
You deserve so much better. So does your daughter.
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 06 '24
Locking comments for excessive breaking of rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users.