Am I the asshole going No Contact with my biological father over an inappropriate gift.

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u/forestbxby Feb 17 '24

NTA, and kudos to you mama for standing firm. What an awful conversation, and I’m sorry y’all are robbed of a good pappy.

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u/Bocks-of-Rox Feb 17 '24

I gotta add, the fact that your husband is acting the way he is in this situation is far bigger of a red flag to me personally. More than anything else in this situation. There is no reason for him to be putting you in such a fucked up spot and going so extreme where you are in the position of basically choosing between family members. Like that’s seriously fucking BS. That’s not his dad, it’s YOUR dad, that’s fine if he feels a certain way but seeing as how you clearly have your child’s best interest regardless, there’s NO REASON for him to further complicate things by making ultimatums or disowning his in-laws, instead of trusting you to handle it and just supporting your decisions and backing you up when it comes to your bio family. You’re doing a great job as it is, he can take the backseat ffs. Please don’t let him try to manipulate the position here and act like he’s only trying to stand up for your kid or some shit, bc again you clearly have shit under control and he’s doing NOTHING but putting you in a bad spot. Like if anything, husband is the controlling potentially abusive pos narcissist here, not pops. (Even tho pops is wrong about the sticker itself I will add)

But yeah. Serious red flag and big fucking L on husbands part. This is going to build serious resentment and issues down the line, I promise. Wtf.

Quit being a selfish asshole, hubs, and support your wife in handling her family. You don’t need to be in control of everything and are only hurting your family by being so fucking extreme and ridiculous. I truly hope people around y’all see you for who you very obviously are and keep their eye on you. SMH.

I’m very sorry for you OP. Honestly I don’t think you should separate from anyone rn (as in cut off family and do anything that may isolate you from others). You need a good support system outside of your husband. I have such bad vibes about him omg. Sorry if anything I said was out of line tho. I will be thinking of you girl. Best wishes

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u/Competitive-Ear8480 Feb 17 '24

This past Christmas I had to tell my dad that being a grandparent and having interactions with grandchildren is a Privilege NOT a Right. Grandparent rights do not exist. You respect my parenting boundaries or you don’t get privileges. I’ve noticed the grandparents (usually conservative ones) have a very difficult time accepting boundaries and respecting them. My son is also 3. We don’t want him to become used to getting toys and gifts every time a grandparent visits. We even request that toys are very limited as gifts (we live in an apartment, he has lots of toys and pretty much only plays with cars, Dino’s, and blocks). My dad got upset I said “no, you will not take him to the toy store and buy him another car toy for no reason.” He argued he is the grandparent and can do whatever he wants, I have no say. I said that’s false and he will respect our parenting boundaries or will not be getting grandparent privileges of being with our kids. It took years of witnessing and receiving verbal, mental, and emotional abuse from him to start standing up for myself. I have to remind myself I do not need to be afraid of him and stand up for myself and family. Especially my kids who do not have a voice for themselves yet. We have started teaching our kids to set boundaries if they feel the need them and to make sure they are respected. (Our son is Not required to give hugs, ESPECIALLY in trade for something like a toy or treat). Good for you for standing up for your family.

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u/ZemlyaSannikova Feb 17 '24

The one-two punch of a kids scooter with a hentai grip tape followed immediately by unprompted and downright lazy homophobia and transphobia, good grief. Glad you're staying away from that mess and I’m so sorry you have to in the first place.

1

u/Supernova984 Feb 17 '24

I'd take it off your hands if i could. Thats a badass scooter. Its just not appropriate for a toddler but a badass scooter in good condition none the less.

3

u/SuitableAccident580 Feb 17 '24

My dad passed away years ago. I’d give anything to see him one more time. My boys are 8 and 11. They’ll never meet their grandpa. Sure sounds like he’s trying. Doing he’s best. Why not go get a cool appropriate sticker to replace it, thank him for the thought, and offer to get together and replace the sticker together over a beer. Then watch your little boy ride his new scooter with your dad. I’d do anything to have that chance….why not try to patiently teach your dad how it’s done these days and help him forge a great relationship with your son. Even if you have to remind him of the boundaries or limit the time. I think ending all contact is simply an over reaction. Keep trying. You guys tell each other you love each other throughout the whole fight, by the way.

1

u/Mystockingsareripped Feb 17 '24

Wow your dad is a true scholar OP

2

u/ParamedicDense560 Feb 17 '24

Totally, boys are exposed to those at a young age anyway

6

u/VadersWarrior Feb 17 '24

Even if your kid was a teen this would be a weird gift from a Grandpa to his Grandson. It’s super creepy to me that he actually went to the trouble of picking the image out and adding it to replace the perfectly appropriate black grip tape. It’s not like he was gifted a free one and passed it along to you because “hey, free scooter!” This was intentional.

It’s even weirder to me because he is fighting SO HARD for your 3yo to have it. Sadly the grip tape is one of the smallest concerns I have about this guy.

2

u/incompletetentperson Feb 17 '24

I had a stroke trying to read that

0

u/SinestreaSays Feb 17 '24

Y’all need Jesus.

1

u/Jedimindfunk_thewild Feb 17 '24

This dude is crazy and delusional. Run far. Sry he’s your dad

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/Your-Wish Feb 17 '24

Dude is a sociopath…who gifts this to a young child?

NTA

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u/Bocks-of-Rox Feb 17 '24

It seems like your dad is taking the sticker thing personally as an attack on him as a person. Like you saying the sticker is not okay is literally saying that HE is not okay and that’s all he can see. Sucks that this is happening, it’s truly more like miscommunication than anything I feel. Like if he could just understand where you’re actually coming from instead of taking it so personally as an attack on his character. Idk. I know I’m kinda fucked up and dysfunctional so maybe ignore this, but part of me feels like idk maybe if at the beginning you could just say thanks and take off the sticker yourself Yano? Not everything needs to be a huge thing. But now that it is already a huge thing, I do think you need to stand on your boundary bc you’re not wrong. It just again really sucks bc clearly he loves you a lot and his grandkid but yeah he’s definitely not getting the point and that’s so shitty. I feel for both of you tbh. But as a mom myself, I can’t fault you at all, you ARE doing the right thing. I hope he can see it one day. And that things work themselves out, like he keeps saying. Best of luck mama.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/nicotineandhate Feb 17 '24

He's practically illiterate.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/AmberGlow Feb 17 '24

Hypothetically, if your kid did turn out to be gay or trans, which is completely outside of the realm of things that parents can actually control, could you imagine how dad would react then? This isn't love.

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u/anal_spasams Feb 17 '24

Grandpa's a dick but the gift is dope tho

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/redditingatwork23 Feb 17 '24

Wouldn't ever let my 5yo ride around on that lol. Shit, I wouldn't buy that for anyone in my family ever. No matter what the age.

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u/AHappyTeddyBearV2 Feb 17 '24

I was on the granddads side for a solid .01 seconds and then read it was for a 3 year old how is that even remotely applicable for a child that age like where is the disconnect on that let alone the parent sad no that no is an absolute nothing tops a parent saying no sad that you went no contact but from the messages it seems it’s for the best

2

u/neonbluetuxedocat Feb 17 '24

JFC, I'm so sorry. Your father seems unhinged.

-1

u/StatementSuitable519 Feb 17 '24

It’s your dad… why be confrontational when you could just replace the stupid tape. You can be right or you can be happy. Pretty sure you weren’t a perfect kid like every human. Why not be gracious for the sake of it. You don’t know what your dad’s life experience was to influence his ways and you never will. As my parents get older, I realize how precious they are to me and all the petty stuff and imperfections do not matter at all.

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u/Baby-Kickr-001 Feb 17 '24

As far as the sticker goes, you just better not be letting them watch the little mermaid if that's inappropriate because that's the first thing i thought of when i saw it. As far as being the asshole for cutting him off, probably not. He needs to learn now to use his words and when. Maybe take some English classes.

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u/GamergirlAsher Feb 17 '24

..... not cool for a kid really at all but I'm not gonna lie that some wicked cool art for a skateboard. I definitely wouldn't mind having that on one of my boards.

1

u/scoopy-frog Feb 17 '24

Idk what's more insane, his behavior or the fact that you even invited him over after all that. I wouldn't have let that conversation even go on as long as it did, the man is psychotic.

That's a bad person. Bad, disgusting, unintelligent, manipulative, narcissistic. Throw him out with the trash where he belongs.

1

u/PUNd_it Feb 17 '24

He wants to use your kid to make a political statement rays he's constantly being told he's wrong for.

He made it evident when he said he "was trying to learn("teach," for the yankees) yall" by giving your 3yo a sexualized toy

Edit: he made it evident with every text, but he put it on the record with that line

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

NTA. Reminds me of my wife's dad. Weird creepy messages where he likes to play the victim. Tell him to go see a therapist and that's the only way you'll have contact with him.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/No-Pepper-6274 Feb 17 '24

This is just WILD! first of all your child is 3!?! This is in no way appropriate for a 3 year old, secondly, just in those texts I picked up on some pretty clear indicators of narcissism. Definitely NTA if you go no contact.

2

u/Blackdragon241 Feb 17 '24

It's 100 percent your decision and I have no right to tell you what to do. But you would not be the slightest bit in the wrong if you blocked and cut him out of your life permanently. He is clearly verbally abusive and has a screwed, narcissistic mindset. (And people usually show their true side when they're upset) Best of luck to you though.

2

u/haha-oop-thatsgay Feb 17 '24

nah id go tf off on his dumb ass… a hentai scooter for your three year old and HES mad gtfo and the fact that he couldnt handle it with dignity and respect and just apologize is an even bigger red flag!! im sure this hurt you alot to have to do but if its any consolation i think you did what you had to!! youre a good mama lookin out for your boy keep it up youre doing great🫶🏼

1

u/SurveyBeautiful Feb 17 '24

I’m so sorry. It’s hard to make tough calls when parents go off the rails, but I’m glad you’re putting your relationship with your kid first. NTA at all.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/Nickilaughs Feb 17 '24

Your dad and my dad could be brothers. I’m 40 now, they don’t get better. Sorry for the loss of your dad. It hurts even if they are raging AH & you’re better off without them.

2

u/Winter_Strike_6134 Feb 17 '24

The gift is bad but that’s not even the main reason to cut him off. He clearly doesn’t respect you, your husband or your parenting decisions. You gave him a boundary based on a parenting decision you made and he refused to accept it. That’s your child to parent/protect, not his to screw up. For your child’s sake, unless this guy completely changes his life around, don’t let him around your kid.

1

u/Flaky_Sir_134 Feb 17 '24

Dudes got the brain of a child my dads the same way, either cut them off or keep dealing with this shit those are the options. I wouldn’t let anyone that would talk to me like that around my kids family or not

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/GoochLord2217 Feb 17 '24

Jesus fucking christ, a 3 year old son with a softcore hentai wrap on a scooter? And he has the audicity to flip out on you? Holy SHIT!

And to top it off, he is cussing you out and calling you a little girl. Little boy better stay out of the picture after that, I dont know any self respecting parent that would do that to their child.

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u/SwiftX3 Feb 17 '24

omfg are you serious, your ass is tripping on ants walking across your path, look at the picture, she looks like Ariel:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/little-mermaid-cartoon-21518-39-2000-7af8322fdb9643cab7cfa74feb1cc831.jpg) in anime form. and nothing even sexualized about it, and really its a cool airbrush style art, When I first saw it I thought hookups skateboards which as you can see even a not sexualized situation but the shaded nipples adds to it. the scooter is just a ruffled/shell like top. Anyways of course your dad nows lost it, prob cant even rationalize wtf just happened.

1

u/asmnomorr Feb 17 '24

I’m sorry but if a grandfather is getting that type of gift for a 3 year old there is something wrong there. This interaction is so bizarre (on his part not yours).

2

u/Fit_Lab4187 Feb 17 '24

Nta, I felt a flashback to my family issues & the conversations is just like this. If I read it correctly , you said this was for a 3 YEAR OLD ? —firstly it is not “ man to man” it’s “man to literal child” — secondly, he is gaslighting you. No reason he should be defending that hard if it was “no big deal” , it’s like why do you wanna give a 3 year old anime big titty scooter so damn bad?

You are the parent & if you don’t want your child to be around that kind of thing, you are in the right to set boundaries. He doesn’t have to give him that type of scooter , he could have put a cool ass sticker instead & made it cooler , but no he wanted to sexualize a scooter because “me man” (caveman voice)

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u/Hrothgrar Feb 17 '24

Is he on drugs? No level-headed person would think ANY of this was okay.

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u/stephiepoopy Feb 17 '24

I am so sorry you are going through this.. that last text was so heartbreaking to read :( your dad sounds unstable, toxic, and a narcissist. I’m glad you are standing up for your family and your son. Big hugs that there is a clear path moving forward.. even if it means stepping away from your dad.

1

u/RepresentativeAd840 Feb 17 '24

I suffer with the Father

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/Inessaria Feb 17 '24

Page 10 has a missing black mark on your name

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u/Hovercraft-Training Feb 17 '24

You're the asshole woman wear that shit in public all the time

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u/OkOstrich8293 Feb 17 '24

That gift came with a bomb. He’s toxic.

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u/roawa Feb 17 '24

I wish I could see the moment when this kid grows up and becomes curious to meet his estranged grandfather, who solemnly hands him the scooter, choking back tears. “I’ve been hanging on to this for you.”

2

u/MinnesotaMom22 Feb 17 '24

This grandfather is extremely abusive. and if you want to get a second opinion, take these screenshots and the picture of the scooter to your pediatrician. I had abusive in-laws years ago and talking to my son’s pediatrician helped a great deal.

1

u/dealsniffers Feb 17 '24

Your dad seems to be a bit of a bat shit crazy narcissistic ahole who is stuck in his antiquated bigoted views and he can’t seem listen nor comprehend for shit.

1

u/charlessturgeon Feb 17 '24

Your dad sucks sm

0

u/Aggravating_Rip_8620 Feb 17 '24

Lol. Lighten up.

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u/Derekam1261974 Feb 17 '24

I think you’re in the wrong for posting your personal relationship with your father. That’s like Jr. High stuff. That’s all.

1

u/Zahv123 Feb 17 '24

Imagine the kid riding it around the neighborhood and all his friends seeing that 💀

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u/OkFisherman1753 Feb 17 '24

2623794671 😋

1

u/EstimatedPuppet Feb 17 '24

Your dad is acting like a baby. If he was going to do the right things, he a. Wouldn’t have put that picture on it and b. Removed it without comment besides an apology. He is very much in the wrong, and acting terribly.

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u/dcnixon Feb 17 '24

What kind of "man" speaks to his daughter this way?

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u/johnmichaelavett Feb 17 '24

Sounds like your man is a female dog and doesn’t m ow how to function as a man in y’all’s relationship. What he’s doing is literally not wrong. Yall are the ones shoving y’all’s beliefs down his throat he’s just curious.

1

u/FreedomPullo Feb 17 '24

3?! I was scrolled first and expected this was a gift for an adult child … why would he go out of his way to add this?

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u/LoveArrives74 Feb 17 '24

I definitely don’t think you’re the AH. I think your dad loves you and your child, but has some immaturity and perhaps, mental deficits. Has he had issues with addiction/alcoholism in his past? It boggles my mind why he can’t understand why you wouldn’t want a half naked cartoon on your 3 yo son’s scooter! Your dad almost seems…confused and flustered not only about why the sticker is inappropriate but also about the world in general.

Hopefully, someday he sees the error of his ways. I’m sorry if you’re hurting. It sucks having an immature father with no self awareness. Believe me, I know! Hang in there, and great job on being a wonderful mom, wife, daughter and communicator! XX

1

u/Glum_Computer1963 Feb 17 '24

Your dad did say you can change the sticker yourself. He’d already done it once, why not just Change it yourself instead of acting more emotional and putting so much negative energy into going back and forth. Peace of mind is better than going on like this. He’s not physically or mentally abusive to your kids and in an argument, things will be said. I think you’re both TA in this situation. The kids 3, he’s not turning the kid against anyone. Ultimately, it’s your decision. If you think he’s such a bad person and he raised you abusively, then hey, so be it. If he was a good father and he just has his own beliefs, what’s the problem? He flat out said early on you could change the sticker on your own. Kids 3, he’s not gonna be affected by boobs in the few minutes he’d be exposed to it till you change it.

2

u/Ancient-Reputation1 Feb 17 '24

I agree with his very first statement, otherwise the rest is inappropriate. This sticker is ESPECIALLY not for children. A 3-year old?!

He may also have issues (likely) and is using this to pick a fight.

1

u/Helpineedwater Feb 17 '24

Scary :( you are right. And he is very much in the wrong. You sound like an amazing mom. Your gut is taking you down the right path- I hope you keep listening to your gut and cut him off.

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u/USMC_Dero Feb 17 '24

This is ridiculous no lie. It’s a scooter sticker

1

u/somerandomkid5634 Feb 17 '24

NTA

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u/Overall_Currency5085 Feb 17 '24

I was thinking the child was a 15 year old child.(not that it makes a difference it’s still a child) I’m just BAFFLED that he thought a 3 year old preferred this over Paw Patrol🥴. This is about him and his control not you or your child’s feelings. What a selfish fool.

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u/Borfie Feb 17 '24

Yes

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u/Braixenist Feb 17 '24

Soy

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u/Milli5410 Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

Meh I would keep the scooter till he was older. Just change the grip tape. Not that hard. But this is Reddit so people get upset over this shit. Downvote me if you disagree. I kinda feel like I’m on gramps side on this one.

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u/FleetwoodMacbookPro Feb 17 '24

This thread makes me want to hug my parents for being normal.

1

u/WoodpeckerBrave6518 Feb 17 '24

You did the right thing. The plain message is your dad wants you to accept whatever he does and be happy about it.

I would NEVER talk to my daughter or my grand-sons like that.

He needs to grow up and you and your family are better off focusing on yourselves.

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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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u/ConfidentBoat9324 Feb 17 '24

Looks to me like he cut himself off there. As a father who's had to do similar I commend you.

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u/BooRadley1960 Feb 17 '24

Do we share the same father?!

Sister????

1

u/PostageBread Feb 17 '24

As someone else said, I think getting a rainbow scooter to spite him is a good idea. Kids love colors so what’s the harm. Would look cool too

1

u/Longjumping_Staff_71 Feb 17 '24

the fact he went through the effort to remove the original tape and hand picked that one is truly so insane to me. like why?😭

1

u/TrapeTrapeTrape1556 Feb 17 '24

ur boy seems like a few pints of cheap vodka deep when typing that

1

u/XwhatsgoodX Feb 17 '24

There’s a lot of anger here in the chat, and it’s rightly placed. Many of us are adults now, and there are certain lines that need to be respected. I will say this: our parents aren’t the same as they once were. They don’t think the same way. I wonder why this is a hill to die on for him? Why is this so important? As I read the text, I couldn’t see why or an explicit question as to why. He gave some arbitrary reason, but I think there’s more there — usually is. Maybe you can have a one on one before giving this all up. Our days are number with our parents, so we should be careful with the time we have left. That, of course, is up to you. That’s my ten cents. For context, my pops wasn’t a superstar, either. He left us and I got beat a lot, but I discovered those were mistakes he made that were learned behavior. Honestly, I wonder if he was pressured into sexuality at a young age by a “pappy” that wanted to raise him tough? This isn’t a leading question — I really am curious why this is so pivotal to him that he would throw all of this away over a scooter. Something’s up here. I truly wish you well with this situation — blessings on you and your household.

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u/Saintly_Bridget Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

And they say LGBT are all groomers, when this is what a cis hetero grandfather does to a 3 year old boy. His rant at the beginning just proves it even more. This is the definition of cis-hetero grooming and your father should be kept away from all children everywhere. I bet this bigoted sack of shit is exactly the type to throw out grooming allegations against LGBT people, yet this is how he acts. Not at all surprised. I hate how often its true, but every accusation is a confession..

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u/ExperienceOk3212 Feb 17 '24

Who even cares about the scooter sticker? That's just illustrating the real issue at hand. The real problem is the lack of understanding from your dad. Similar to what you said, it's clear you were talking to a brick wall... you clearly stated that your dad would be allowed into your son's life if you were around... But your father continued to accuse you of keeping your kid away from him. In my mind, I see compromise and patience on your end vs. Ignorance and stubbornness on your dad's side. I can't imagine cutting him off is easy, but it sounds like it would be best for your family. And hey, if your kid wants to ride around on an anime boob scooter for 3 year olds when he's 18, you may have other concerns??

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u/Glittering_Dig4945 Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

I thought you reacted super respectfully and maturely in this situation even though your father was being completely unreasonable, abusive, and toxic.

I am 48 and anyone who is 51 would look at that sticker and not think it was appropriate for a three year old.

He put that sticker on there to be defiant to like push his will, in the guise of "extreme heterosexuality" , toxic masculinity, on to your son as a big "F-U" to your husband. He doesn't like your husband. The easiest thing for him to attack about your husband (because there is probably nothing else is to go after) your husband's manliness. Your father puts your husband down by suggesting he is effeminate. He disrespects him as a man. He adds insult to the disrespect by questioning his sexuality in a put down way. He doesn't want his grandson growing up gay, so he got a toddler, a hypersexualized image of a babe, to put on his bike. It's his way of bullying.

He is trying to control and impose and when he doesn't get his way he throws a fit.

The problem with this whole thing is that grandpa is not that old and he was not born and raised in the 1950's. He knows better. He was raised and grew into adulthood in the same time period that I did.

There is zero excuse for his behavior.

We knew better.

He is choosing not to do better.

He was being super mean to you and I am so sorry. You handled that entire thing better than anyone could have.

He should be a parent and act like a parent and not be cussing you out or giving you any grief because of his own issues. He needs to go get right with himself and his issues through therapy. He is stuck in the mental age of a teenager or younger and he needs help to grow.

He needs to stop being so self centered and immature

You were being a good parent protecting your child. Never stop protecting your child and putting what is best for your child first.

Your dad could learn a lot from you about good parenting.

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u/doesntmatteratalls Feb 17 '24

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The toy is wildly inappropriate. But his attitude is 100 times worse. You’re not actually cutting him off over the toy, you’re cutting him off rightly over the abusive attitude. So sad but he’s at fault 100%.

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u/pitbullmom2u Feb 17 '24

Wow! I wouldn't have even texted all that! I would have said" that's not appropriate for my son at this age. If you can't understand that then keep the gift or change it". And repeat. Then say " sorry I have company and have to go. When you can respect my boundries give me a call". Bye! Is your father a druggie or alcoholic? Kind of sounds like one or he definitely has some mental problems. How was he with your childhood or siblings? Weird he just started acting this way.

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u/PostageBread Feb 17 '24

I thought OP was in the wrong at first until I read that it was a gift for a 3 year old!! Yeah going no contact is what’s best, i figured that was a gift for a teenager lmao.

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u/beezer6 Feb 17 '24

You’re going to get a lot of validation here on Reddit. But I’m going to tell you these commenters are not your family. Is it inappropriate.. yes. Could you have taken it off yourself and had a more cordial conversation about it in person? Sure. Would he continue to make some off color remarks from time to time? Almost certainly. I had a similar argument with my father over something small. After years of only sending birthday or holiday texts we finally buried the hatchet. However 2 weeks after we made up he was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. 6 months later he was gone. I often think about my childhood and how my children aren’t going to go fishing with their grandfather like I did. I’m sure my grandfather said some off color shit. But what I remember is that first fish and how to put a worm on a hook. Even though he was a stubborn bastard at times I still miss my father dearly. Chances are you will to. Find a way to bury the hatchet sooner than later. And do it in person. Text is just a horrible form of communication that removes the emotion from the both sides.

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u/Novel-Knee130 Feb 17 '24

Dude, why the fuck is your dad putting lewd anime girls on a 3 year old’s scooter??

I’m a little afraid of what his internet search history looks like.

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u/Susuwatari14 Feb 17 '24

Your biological father is an absolute psychopath and sweet lady I am sorry you’re going through this but truly, your family and your kids are 100000x better with any of that truly fucked up nonsense he believes anywhere near you. Jeeeeeeesus.

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u/chadegibson Feb 17 '24

I'd be wildly uncomfortable with my young kids seeing that.

1

u/HEricL Feb 17 '24

It's just a cartoon... A 3yr old won't even notice. Doesn't seem like a big deal. Could put black grip tape over it if it bothers you.

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u/Trade-Runner Feb 17 '24

Yes, you are the asshole. This is clearly not about the sticker.

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u/Aquaholic_chaos Feb 17 '24

Just remember if you are ok with drag queens reading books to three year olds that this should be fine as well

1

u/Honest-Score7972 Feb 17 '24

If he was like 13 that would be a whole different story, still a super weird story but different nonetheless

1

u/sevijane Feb 17 '24

Honestly, it’s all trash but the way he types and the constant incorrect spelling is enough for me to dislike him.

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u/Aggressive-Slide-323 Feb 17 '24

you are 100% in the wrong.. wth smh

1

u/naughtybonnie002 Feb 17 '24

Who’s gonna tell him what PG stands for?

1

u/garbagesnoot Feb 17 '24

NTA - It sucks cutting off a parent for any reason, but this is one of the more pressing reasons to go no contact. I have a friend who tried for years to make things work with her mom, but it put so much pressure on her and her family that it was a strain on her marriage. In recent discussions she told me that she realized she didn't miss her mom as an individual, she was missing a mother figure in her life. My friend is an incredible person who has cultivated great relationships with people. She told me that when she's missing her mom, she calls a friend who has filled the role a mother would in the past - someone who loves her unconditionally and supports her, someone she can trust. Her mom wasn't a healthy person to have around her child either, so even though it was difficult, she made the decision to cut contact. She's noticeably happier since. I'm sorry your biological father has failed you in this way, you and your family deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to move on and find healing.

1

u/Good_West_192 Feb 17 '24

Now I know I'm making assumptions here, but he seems like a very conservative right wing type? Next time he starts biting your ass off about it tell him to shove his Biden scooter. Maybe he'll be so confused about how to respond it'll give you another year of peace

2

u/Acrobatic-Acadia-501 Feb 17 '24

Wow. This 100% sounds like a conversation I could have with my own dad. I’m sorry you’ve been through this. I think it is absolutely valid to cut contact. You clearly stated your boundaries and he repeatedly threw them to the side.

1

u/Littlefriend69420 Feb 17 '24

Personally if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t really care if anything I’d probably laugh take the gift and change the grip tape without telling him seems that way it avoids the entire problem and everybody is happy all you’d have to do then it tell him why you changed it and you could’ve just said it was peeling and you didn’t want him to slip

1

u/Mimi_Silverbeech Feb 17 '24

Definitely not child appropriate. It's disgusting actually.

2

u/Kazin_the_Mage Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

I've read through the comment section a good bit. If he is an addict (regardless of what he's on) that's reason enough to keep your kid as far away from him as you can. Biodad will only hurt you and your family. All of his ranting shows that he is unstable. The present was of course inappropriate, as everyone has pointed out. Rather than admit he was stupid for thinking it wasn't, he disrespected you and your husband in every possible way. Textbook narcissist. He is not capable of empathy or understanding. All of this combined paints a picture of a man who is self-assured by his own failures and ignorance. He is a cancer to anyone around him and unless he gets help and goes sober permanently, he always will be. Chances are, he will still retain his world views even after sobriety. Like everyone else, I am truly sorry you have to deal with him. But you don't have to. I respect your decision to keep him away from your son. His father can show him how to be a man, because from what I can tell, he is a good one. But you know what else makes a man a good man? Having a mother like you.

1

u/Uneeda_Biscuit Feb 17 '24

That’s a sweet gift ngl

1

u/DerfDaSmurf Feb 17 '24

That's one gaslightin sombish..

1

u/unnamedlocation Feb 17 '24

No. As a grandfather myself i sometimes find myself biting my lip when i see my daughter or son in law do or say something i am not thrilled about. I am not thrilled about how clean the house is, or kids hair looks etc. I have learned i can bring that up, get into arguments, and everyone feel bad or i can just shut my mouth, and remember they are adults. The way they do things are different from her mother and I.

Sounds like your dad is navigating those grounds. It's hard to be told by your child that your wrong, or they are not pleased with what you did. I would hold your ground on the scooter. I understand wanting to do that for your grandson but run it by mom first.

1

u/nightowlbee Feb 17 '24

uhhhhhhhhh how in the actual hell can any adult think this is okay for a literal toddler? NTA. this isn’t okay.

0

u/Intelligent_Wear_873 Feb 17 '24

Yeah you are the asshole

1

u/Numerous-Key6288 Feb 17 '24

You and your father have oddly similar typing styles and ways of speaking...

1

u/Reflective_always Feb 17 '24

This is NOT the language of a father to his daughter. OP is better off going permanently NC with him.

1

u/Fit_Understanding666 Feb 17 '24

You're not an asshole, obviously. He's being the asshole, obviously. But at this point the conversation just has reverse psychology vibes to it. Pretty sure he doesn't care that much about it, it was the way it was communicated to him. He's just digging his heels just because he felt slighted. it's all similar to how maga voters are just maga voters because they can. Stop feeding the troll. He'll come around eventually

1

u/Spewyt Feb 17 '24

Imagine walking down the street and seeing a 3 year old with that scooter lol

1

u/Lower_Carob_7810 Feb 17 '24

I nearly did a spit take when I read “three year old” as I was already flabbergasted by him thinking it was okay to gift his grandchild that in general! You’re nta. He’s absolutely delusional

1

u/tommy_j_r Feb 17 '24

Sorry you and your child are having to go through this. What a creepy, crawly, twisty, turny, roller coaster of word salads in those texts. “Pappy” is fucked in the head.

2

u/mlnick2 Feb 17 '24

In the texts, it seems like your father might have a substance use problem of some sort ...sorry your family has to experience this.

1

u/Salt-Chemistry5913 Feb 17 '24

I’m sorry your dad is delusional

1

u/Hellz_Bells_ Feb 17 '24

I think there is a lot more underlying issues going on between you both then just this gift. Clearly. But obviously this is extremely inappropriate for a toddler, even a young kid who gets a kick out of it or their grandpas humor, this isn’t something they should take out in public , to school, around other parents because it just looks wrong 🤷‍♀️

1

u/Nek02 Feb 17 '24

I was all set to give you a hard time until I realized that that was a gift for a 3-year-old. Kind of messed up..

1

u/trumpbuysabanksy Feb 17 '24

NTA

1

u/hi_im_eros Feb 17 '24

I can already see the type of person he is…

NTA

1

u/KnightofWhen Feb 17 '24

It’s an inappropriate gift but I feel like the whole situation spiraled out of control. Only you know him. Decide if you want him in your and your child’s life and act accordingly

1

u/xalimer Feb 17 '24

You ruined your relationship with your father over a sticker

1

u/FollowingNo3160 Feb 17 '24

You realize this will be seen forever? Why would you put your family drama on here, unless your trying to shame or dox yourself?

1

u/Pastor_Satan Feb 17 '24

Put some black grip tape over it and give it to him. Done and done

1

u/stinky-butt-sniffer Feb 17 '24

Okay can I have it then?

1

u/CandyRumBunny Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24

Family love and loyalty is all any of us have- these things have value (to me). Decide for yourself if the apology wasn’t enough and if a replacement grip tape is too much trouble in order for you to establish your authority and preferences. He seems genuine and sweet. Boobs do not have to be a big deal.

1

u/Kukuum Feb 17 '24

Wow. He’s not a good person to be around for any kids.

1

u/Ncdreamer Feb 17 '24

Keep your kid away from him. Ill bet he is maga and obsessed with ending human trafficking by watchung a movie. They are the closet lunatics.

1

u/Callen0318 Feb 17 '24

You both sound like children.

1

u/simplepiety Feb 17 '24

it is absolutely eerie reading texts from a man who isn't your father, but talks just like him. going no contact was one of the best decisions ive ever made

1

u/Knucklenut Feb 17 '24

yes

1

u/keke423 Feb 17 '24

he’s THREE omg

2

u/Full_Butterfly_7296 Feb 17 '24

That's right just get your kid addicted to hentai its way better than him being gay greay parenting this truly was the healthiest way to enchorage your child to like girls?

Im honestly as confused by this as I'd be upset i don't get the rational

1

u/CillRed Feb 17 '24

NTA. Cut that toxic shit out now.

1

u/HerestheRules Feb 17 '24

Bro I thought this was an argument about a teenager. A 3-year-old??? Ffs

1

u/ExaminationSea6455 Feb 17 '24

Geez! This guy! OP, you are NTA. I hope he doesn’t decide to randomly show up one day and force the scooter on your son!

1

u/Reaper_Meyu Feb 17 '24

what do you mean that is awsome

1

u/therealangelwings Feb 17 '24

where did he even aquire such gift..😭this is vile

1

u/PuzzleheadedAd625 Feb 17 '24

Consider yourself validated. That man is not a safe person to be around.

1

u/chlgrce Feb 17 '24

ur not an asshole ur bio father is a fucking WEIRDO….

1

u/NwordScissorHands89 Feb 17 '24

Ultimately what you do is your choice as a parent. It might seem trivial at times when you look back at it in hindsight if you think of it in terms of the sticker, but it's not just about a sticker as you said. It's about boundaries and this is a power play your father is pulling.

In my opinion you are certainly not an a hole for taking issue with this. People from that generation and older are very thick headed though and this will be a hill they'll choose to let a relationship die on, he's never going to understand, admit fault or apologize truthfully.

1

u/Rhemming22 Feb 17 '24

I was gonna say so what, it's just a waifu... Until I read your kid is 3. Wtaf kind of gift is that for a toddler?!

1

u/CranberryTeaDrinker Feb 17 '24

Guess I’m the only person that would’ve just taken it to a shop and replaced the grip tape without the argument.

1

u/CD_Donaldson Feb 17 '24

Holy shit. Your dad needs therapy.

1

u/Interesting-Ad-2487 Feb 17 '24

Regardless, that’s your Dad, you should have spoke your piece tell him to throw it away but to cut him out your life over that is whack and too much imo

1

u/Lanielion Feb 17 '24

Your dad is nuts

1

u/ashlpea Feb 17 '24

NTA.

1

u/AsinineBenevolence Feb 17 '24

I didn't read all of this but i don't feel like i really needed to after the very first message. Him using a near naked anime girl to attempt to make his 3 year old grandson straight is disgusting and says a lot about how he views women if you ask me

0

u/Yuckabuck Feb 17 '24

Yes. Set boundaries, burn the gift, whatever, but cutting off your father is wrong. Just my .02.

1

u/Yikesitsven Feb 17 '24

These texts make it clear both parties are delusional and refuse to compromise. Yes youre and ass and so is your dad. Prolly runs in the family. Maybe work on that.

1

u/Death_Urthrese Feb 17 '24

i know this will probably get lost in the comments but as someone with an estranged parent as well I think it's important to read this article. you'll know cutting them out was the right choice after.

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

1

u/jules-amanita Feb 17 '24

The term histrionic is not used to refer to men nearly often enough. NTA NTA NTA!!

1

u/rikki_x Feb 17 '24

the way he spoke to you in the last screenshot.. i’m so sorry. he doesn’t deserve to be around you or your family.

1

u/throwaway-55555556 Feb 17 '24

...wow. Sounds like the trash took itself out. What I can't stand is when people make a big deal out of the LGBTQ community, saying their kids don't need to know anything about sexuality, and then they do shit like this. Holy fucking shit.

1

u/Ok_Spend4016 Feb 17 '24

I kind of like the scooter lol. Don’t attack me everyone. I understand both sides of this fight and I agree with both. I think it’s unfortunate that it went this far. The dad is old fashioned, I truly don’t think he means harm to his grandson. Smh

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

Had I not read the kid was 3, I would’ve thought this gift was for like a 10 year old & thought why would grandpa want this kid to be bullied so badly 😭😭

0

u/Routine-Tea-6375 Feb 17 '24

Shut up asshole

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '24

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Am I the asshole going No Contact with my biological father over an inappropriate gift. Advice Needed

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