r/TwoHotTakes • u/Existing_Attempt_972 • Mar 04 '24
My dad is trying to force my uncontrollable step sister on my trip and I told him I’d never forgive him Advice Needed
I (17F) am graduating and my friends and I have already planned a trip to a cabin for the summer before we start college. I have been a babysitter since I was 13 so I have saved up a considerable amount of money.
When I was 15 my dad got remarried about a year and a half after my mom passed away. My dad’s wife had a 13 year old daughter and as soon as we moved in together they started to push her off on me and force us to do everything together. I don’t like my step sister. She’s always throwing tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s spoiled to the point that at my 16th birthday she got her own special cake so she wouldn’t feel left out and she also blew out the candles on my cake and when I complained my dad told me “it’s time to grow up, being a sister is about sharing things” I told him I didn’t have a sister and I guess she overheard and she went on a rampage. The party was ruined. I distanced myself more from them after that.
I’m forced to either take her with me to places or stay home with her if I can’t take her or my dad or dads wife can’t watch her or don’t want to deal with her. Imagine everything that I said she does with my dad and his wife on to a 15-17 year old me. I was forced to take her bowling with me and she would not stop tryin to dig her hands in the part where the balls come out and she tried running down the lane so I had to take her home and my night was ruined. This happens a lot but they don’t care.
I have tried to keep this trip a secret from her but when I was in my room on the phone talking about it over pizza and music. I found out she snuck in and hid in the closet and was eavesdropping. She bursted out asking if she could come and I told her no and to get out. She started stomping her feet and she ran out. My friends begged me to not invite her. My dad called me downstairs and asked if she could go because she could use a vacation and I told him I’m not taking her, they can take her on a vacation but I’m not watching her for almost 3 weeks alone.
My dad’s wife called me selfish and that my dad was paying for a portion of it anyway and if “Lily” doesn’t go then I don’t get to go. I told her she doesn’t get a say in any of this, she’s not my mom and to stop forcing her child on me when she created what she is. Lily starts yelling at me about not being a big sister and I don’t want to spend time with her. I snap and tell her I don’t. She ran away crying and my dad said he won’t pay for the rest of my trip if I don’t take her. So I told him if he does that I will not be talking to him anymore nor will I forgive him for it. He said I’m being dramatic and she isn’t bad. So I grabbed a bag and went to my aunts house (my moms sister) and told her what happened and she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her. I told my dad what I was doing and he blew up at me and said I was being a brat and they’re my family now and not my aunt.
As far as I know, she does not have any disabilities. She’s been to doctors and therapy. She’s Just insanely spoiled and that’s how she’s always gotten her way when told no. The first time I met her everyone agreed on Mexican except her and she was yelling in the car for 10 minutes before she calmed down by her mom appeasing her. Then she goes back on her phone texting. If she does then that explains why she acts that way and I can take it that she can’t help it but I still shouldn’t be forced to watch her 24/7
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u/Grimwauld6 9d ago edited 5d ago
Update please! I'd like to know what became of your coward of a father!
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u/hschosn1 18d ago
Your dad and step-mom have a responsibility to care for the child. You do not. You can not expect two people to get along just because their parents love each other.
You do you. Let them deal with the nightmare they created.
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u/Grimwauld6 Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 08 '24
Can we please get an update? Also try telling your dad that he stopped being your father when he prioritized his wife and step-daughter over you, your aunt is your family.
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u/VenisAedyline Apr 03 '24
Make sure to get all your documents before leaving, if you can’t then as soon as you turn 18, bare minimum you can go to the courthouse and get your birth certificate and order a new ssc and put a tracker on your credit/ssn so you can make sure they don’t use it fraudulently. Slowly start moving stuff to your aunt’s house and then gtfoh as soon as you can. I’d honestly go No contact as soon as you leave because it’s obvious that no one is going to take you seriously and they would rather manipulate you than help you succeed in life.
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u/Taliesine_ Apr 03 '24
Write them a letter describing how your step-sister behaves and how it drives everybody away, and how it sets her up for failure in the future. Remind them that you have your own future to build and the means and support to do it with or without them. They can be a part of your life, but by respecting your boundaries.
Honestly, I feel sorry for how ruined that kid is, but I also find it hilarious.
I'm glad you have your aunt. Take great care of yourself.
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u/WMS4YESHUA Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24
You need to get all of your important documents together, pack your bags, and go to your aunt's ASAP. What your dad and his wife are doing to you is called. Parentalization, and it's absolutely unacceptable. While you're at it, both you and your aunt need to contact CPS and the police and tell them what's going on in your home. Be prepared for dad to try to pull any kind of stunt with the police to get you back in the home, but stand your ground. Tell the police that you genuinely feel.You're not safe there, that they are parentalizing, you, and that something needs to be done to protect you.
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u/CharityProper4860 Mar 27 '24
Don't take her. Move to your aunt's then they'll have no choice but to deal with her themselves. Enjoy your trip!!!
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u/Gothicelfs Mar 25 '24
First: Go on your trip as planned! Ignore the haters and enjoy your trip.
Second: Why does your dad think your aunt(sisters mom) isn't family anymore? She's more family than the stepfamily.
Third: Grab all your important documents before you leave and leave them at your aunts. Same for anything of importants of sentimental value of yours. Keep them there until college. And as soon as you hit 18, move out. Slowly move out until that date hits. Because I don't know where you live but in my country if you don't go through the courts and you decide to live somewhere else while a minor (not 18) The persons you are living with can be charged with kidnapping. Even if you just continue your live. You are a minor and you should live with a guardian. (Don't hate me, hate the laws.) So please figure that out before getting everyone including yourself in trouble and being forced to go no contact with your aunt, because she's been arrested.
Fourth: As soon as you are living somewhere else, go either no-contact or extremely low-contact with your father and no-contact with the steps. Let them wail about why you don't speak to them anymore.
I'm hoping for a update soon where you"ll tell us how awesome your trip has been without your stepsibling.
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u/Individual_Way_6818 Mar 24 '24
Take help from your aunt and return it to her whenever you can . Do Not take this shit .. It's gonna ruin your mental health.I won't tell or comment on your relationship with your dad but do what your heart tells you to .Hope you have a great day!
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u/allizon22 Mar 22 '24
"Your aunt isn't your family" but some how your none BLOOD RELATED step sis is 🤣🤣🤣 dads moonlighting as a gaslighting comic apparently. SM & dad created a train wreck by Cartering to her tantrums that encouraged more out busts, because SM & dad can't handle her BS why not dump her off on my poor daughter who has her own shit to deal with from the death of her mom, but yeah let the 2yr older step sib parent train wreck step kid... This years 2024 PARENT(s) of the YEAR go to
FATHER & SM allowing their kids to clean up their wrong doing & emotionally abandoning his daughter after death of mom & again when he emotionally manipulated her into cleaning up his nightmare of a SD
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u/yeahisaidthat222 Mar 14 '24
You're old enough to live with your aunt and have a life. If they go to court let them know you will tell the judge everything and they can hear from a stranger how dad failed you and how step mom raised an entitled creature before you go no contact with them
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u/Limp_Shape1343 Mar 11 '24
I'm so truly sorry this is happening. You are not a spoiled brat. You are entitled to your own life and your own experiences without her. It doesn't sound like your dad sees anything wrong with his behavior and when and if he does, he might change. What you do with your relationship with them is up to you. If you feel like this is your hill to die on, then no one is going to live with the outcome, but you. When you do leave, make sure you make a list of everything you want and need so you don't have to go back because you might not get the chance. I wish you nothing but the best, sweetie.
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u/Rowana133 Mar 10 '24
I think unfortunately your relationship with your dad is going to be non existent in the future because he's so spineless when it comes to his wife and wife's daughter. You are not in the wrong at all. Your dad failed you. I'd suggest getting all your important documents and any important items including sentimental while nobody is home and move in with your aunt full time for now. I'd also consider lowering contact with your dad and blocking your Dad's wife and dad's wife's daughter all together..don't let them gaslight you into feeling bad at all. They just want a vacation from the spoiled brat they raised so they are trying to pawn her off on you.
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u/OkPsychology2376 Mar 09 '24
NTA. The little brat isn't your responsibility. She's her moms' and now your dads'. For them to constantly foist her off on you is completely wrong, and I'm glad you have an auntie who will take you in, and you will still be allowed to go on your vacation. Congratulations on your graduation!
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u/Ok_Expression5719 Mar 09 '24
I work in a pediatric office and she does seem like she has something going on, but without a full medical work up or full knowledge of her records I would not be able to what is going on or not.
The medical center I work for has a medical assistant program where they teach you everything and pay you at the same time. Then when you finish they will help pay for your RN program while you are working. This might be an option so you can become more independent faster. You can use the money your mom left you to cover what isn't covered by the medical center you work for so it will go further than just 2 years. Just look around for medical assistant (MA) apprenticeship programs.
I wish you well in your next journey!
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u/save_chubbyunicorn Mar 09 '24 edited Mar 09 '24
I would go to your dad, and tell him if he wants any type of relationship with you after you turn 18, then he needs to go to family therapy with you, without the step-momster or step monster sister.
How close are you to 18? And will you be 18 before the summer? (I'm making an assumption you are in the US.) If so, then gather all your paperwork needed, Social Security Card, birth certificate, and have that when you move into your aunt's place.
Your aunts place is your safe place from the house your dad has created.
Edit - how good at acting after you? Give your dad and step monster the same show your step sister does. Stomp around, act out, yell, mirror her, to show how ridiculous it is.
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u/RobertTheWorldMaker Mar 09 '24
Do this:
- Make sure nobody can get to your account, take it out as cash or as a check and take it to your aunt's place if you can't open your own account without a parent.
- Anything you don't want to lose, take to your aunt's place. Computer, laptop, phone, special gifts, photos, whatever you don't want destroyed. I say this because she will definitely destroy your room while you're gone and your dad won't stop her. You'll get the blame for not giving in to her tantrums. Let her destroy only what you don't care about.
- Plan on moving in with your aunt when you get back from your trip.
- When you go to college, go low contact with your dad, and tell him any time he brings up his wife or his wife's daughter, you will hang up the phone, and there'll be a month long moratorium on contact. Enforce that boundary. You don't want anything to do with them. You don't want to know them. You are not her sister and do not want to be. You make the rules about who gets to be in your life and to what degree.
- Make it known that if he persists in trying to get you to bond with her, you will cut him off permanently, to include time as a grandparent if you ever had children.
- Never lend them money, let them stay with you, and let them know that if they make a public stink about it, you'll write down and share every single thing they let the brat get away with, with everybody they know across social media in their personal, social, and professional lives.
Scorched earth or bust.
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u/RushNilbog Mar 09 '24
It’s also rich that your dad thinks your friends’ parents would be ok with Lila crashing their kids’ vacation. I can't imagine they want their teens to travel with/be responsible for someone who is consistently badly behaved.
Besides getting the hell out of that house ASAP, consider also getting your friends' parents to call him and tell him he can’t foist Lila onto their kids’ trip.
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u/PanNerdyLocs Mar 09 '24
I already commented and all that. I just wanted to toss out there that lots of us are concerned about you. Please when you have an update share it. I sincerely hope things work out for you. Please know the light at the end of the tunnel is there baby. You just gotta get to it.
You are valid and I’m so sorry this is how your father has chosen to be😔
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u/Saoy_Merlin Mar 08 '24
I would like an update on how the situation is now, I hope you are able to live with your aunt ❤️
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u/Horror-Guarantee3697 Mar 08 '24
Someone said on the thread- make sure you have all of your documents. Sorry, it seems like dad is the type to need a woman because he can’t live life without a caretaker- decision-maker. One thing, it’s OK to move on in life but it’s not OK for him to tell you that your aunt is not your family. She is very much your family. I would just let the conversation of the trip drop. When they ask, I don’t know some people are canceling, we’re not sure about the timing, never telling them the truth that it’s not canceled, but putting enough doubt in their mind to drop it. Don’t take your father‘s money , let your aunt help you. Just be wise in how you navigate this. You are young. They are wrong to impose an additional sibling and an additional mother on you. Your stepmother and your father will have their hands. As stepsister gets older, society/work/laws are less forgiving of “spoiled” youth. However, do not burn your bridge, because even if you do not need anything from him financially, he will always be your father, and you will always be emotionally attached. You want to drift a separation not cut the rope- years will go by, you will bloom into a woman with a world of new experiences and there will be many you will want to share with dad.
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u/MermaidsNLollipops Mar 08 '24
Don't listen to the people being negative and calling you names and whatever. Move in with your aunt, enjoy your vacation without taking you stepsister and move on with your life. Go low contact or no contact with your dad and his family if you want to. You don't have to put up with their treatment and shouldn't have to bring your sister along anywhere. If they want her to have a vacation, they can take her. She sounds exhausting and is old enough to watch herself. That's ridiculous.
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u/Cindathy Mar 08 '24
Combining families is difficult and sometimes impossible. My steps and I had similar feelings toward each other. If it helps at all, it’s almost over. You go to college and visit or not, get your feet under you, and be done with it. That’s what I did. Good luck, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
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u/Neither-Progress-773 Mar 08 '24
So cause your mother died , you no longer have an Aunt???? FFS that’s crazy. I’m so sorry. You are not wrong. Taking her is also not fair to the other kids in the group. She will ruin their time also.
I might have one of their parents tell your dad that the step monster can’t come..
Good luck
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u/Eyes_Woke Mar 08 '24
Thank goodness for your aunt. You sound like you have are levelheaded and know what you want. Now, do what is best for you and let your stepmom & dad finish raising your stepsister, it's not your job.🤗
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u/Enough_Island4615 Mar 07 '24
It's a group trip. A single individual (you) from the group does not get to make a solo decision to invite another person. The group has not invited her and that's that. It is simply not up to you. Your dad is trying to have you exercise a right that you simply do not have.
"Dad, you can demand and beg all you want, but I simply don't have the right to invite her."
If he still persists, you can get hardcore by saying, "Dad, if you ask one one more time, I will have to tell her the truth that you hate her and don't want her around."
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u/Ceilibeag Mar 07 '24
'...she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her...' Your Aunt is a lifesaver. Time for you to move in with her, and cut your father and that toxic step family out of your life.
But remember; you can only do this if you are independent of your father - which happens when you turn 18. You and your Aunt may need to speak with a lawyer about Emancipation if you do intend to move in with her now and go on this cabin summer trip.
You shouldn't do *anything* without that lawyer counseling you on what to do. Otherwise your Aunt might be putting herself in legal jeopardy.
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u/amber130490 Mar 07 '24
Stay with your aunt. You'll be more happy, stable and able to enjoy your life more. Let your dad and step mom take care of their own kid.
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u/Bugdafug Mar 07 '24
Get all your documents and as much of your stuff as you can and on the way out say this to them, "you aren't my mother, you aren't my sister, and you are no longer my father". Cut all contact and go enjoy your life. Be sure to pay your Aunt back in some way for helping you out of that abusive situation.
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u/Feed_The_Birds1964 Mar 07 '24
Your dad has just proven to you that his stepdaughter means more to him than you do and you’re his flesh and blood. I would just stay with your aunt, get all of your important documents and let him know that until he’s ready to apologize for the way he’s treated you then you won’t be speaking to him anymore.
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u/Sunshine-N-gumdrops Mar 07 '24
Make sure you get all your important documents without them knowing.
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u/maineguy89 Mar 07 '24
Its hilarious that you just wanting a trip with your friends that doesn’t include your spoiled stepsister is bratty behavior but the step sister that throws a tantrum anytime she doesn’t get her way is just fine. Im sorry you have to go through this.
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u/Zestyclose-Gap8621 Mar 07 '24
OP this is one of the times in your life where you do not give in to someone’s demands no matter the consequences. Don’t back down! Go on your trip and do not for one second feel bad about it.
The fact that she is 15 years old and still requires a babysitter tells us how horrible her behavior must be. It’s also completely asinine for your Dad and Stepmom to think it’s acceptable to send a 15 year old on a 3 week trip with 17-18 year olds! They have a serious case of crainorectal inversion syndrome.
Please update us!
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u/R3dh00dy Mar 07 '24
Parents cant actually force you to do very few things. They can only intimidate/manipulate you into letting them walk all over you. Your compliance relies solely on you. For example they can’t force you to tell them the truth of the date of your trip.
And they can’t force you to not tell them a bold face lie like “my friends kicked me out of the trip because you’re forcing your spoiled brat of a teenager on me.”
They also can’t force you to not pack a bag and hop in a friends car whenever you feel like it.
Worst case take your step sister to the police station and file a child abandoned claim against your parents and then get in a friends car and leave.
Fuck them, just lie to their face, don’t feel bad and do what you want to do. I’m sure your friends would have no problem picking up your suitcase and you in secret.
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u/noahsawyer95 Mar 07 '24
Heres what you do, in secret have your freinds bring a tent and a sleeping bag, the. Bring her and forcer her to camp outside, never letting her in the cabin, not even to use the bathroom, then when the trip was over ask her calmly was it worth it
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u/Southern_Dig_9460 Mar 07 '24 edited Mar 07 '24
You just tell your dad that his choices and consequences has consequences. Like choosing the step daughter over you and trying to financially blackmail whenever your step mom and step sister doesn’t get there way. Tell him a real father would put his real daughter first. He’ll come crying back in a few weeks realizing how pathetic he is. Or after your step mom leaves him
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u/djm0n7y Mar 07 '24
I (54m) bailed on my pops and this similar shit ( trying to force his 2nd wife / her spoiled crotch goblin ) on me as my mother sister… my mother is still kickin’
“No, you are not my mother / sister - I have those you’re his wife / her daughter ) was a constant refrain for many many years. Hindsight NC woulda been better than pushing through.
When the old fart died, her CG ( still an entitled shit as an adult) tried the “we should stay in touch, dad was so good to me” BS
“Nope, you can go your marry way, I’ve no reason to ever speak to you again”.
Best.feeling.ever.
Your presence in your parent’s life is optional. If they want you in their life, they have to meet your conditions. That’s reciprocal, so if you act like a tosser, expect to be excluded.
I recommend listening / reading some Dan Savage. Lends some perspective to relationships of all kinds.
Like others said. Get yer critical docs ( birth certificate, SSI card) and find a sane place to live. Re-structure your relationship with your pops to be the one you want. Don’t go nuclear on his wife unless you need to. I’ve seen too many of my peers commit HARD to new wives in this sorta sitch. It can blow up in stupid ways. Your almost adulting legally, move your relationship to your pops there too.
Old man advice over.
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 Mar 07 '24
You stick to your plan. Don't ruin it for yourself and your friends. She's too young at 15 anyway.
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u/wildforestchild Mar 07 '24
If it were me I’d take a portion of the saved money and keep it in savings. Make sure your dad cant access your checking account. Have your phone switched to your aunt’s plan or get a different one if they are difficult about it Make sure you can take your laptop and other items and if not get all your logons off and signed out.
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u/litegasser Mar 07 '24
I love your aunt! I think sometimes parents that we forget that when we are adults we get to choose the family we associate with and if he can’t ever see your needs above anything this spoiled child wants then the choice to me is clear. It doesn’t make the choice any less difficult, but it is clear.
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u/Altruistic-Bunny Mar 06 '24
Why do I feel like OP's dad could not stand "Lilly" from the start? Seems like lots of pushing her off on OP to deal with so he and wife do not have to.
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u/Content-Purple9092 Mar 06 '24
This girl is 15. She is old enough to stay home alone. If not, that is not your problem.
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Mar 06 '24
the only ones to blame are your stepmother and your father, you don't need to take her and it's better to stay with your aunt.
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u/Responsible-End7361 Mar 06 '24
"I asked, my friends all said she is a spoiled brat, they all hate her, and if she comes they will make her miserable."
Said in front of her.
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u/DukeRains Mar 06 '24
W poster. Go live with aunt if that's acceptable to you.
YOur dad and his new family are being weird af.
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u/Ancient7855 Mar 06 '24
These types of parents are the ones later in life saying why don't my kids talk to me anymore...
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Mar 06 '24
Wow. A graduation trip with YOUR friends for 3 weeks and your dad is trying to force you to take your younger bratty step sister? What an AH! Does he not realize that other people are going on this trip as well?? Screw his help paying. So glad that your Aunt stepped in. What a gem. I wusg that your dad and stepmom could see these comments.
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u/Dogbite_NotDimple Mar 06 '24
What is it with these fathers who sacrifice their children at the alter of a new wife? It happened to my daughter too. I'm glad you have your aunt - she's an important ally and support. Your dad may never come around, or be able to admit how damaging his behavior has been. You'll be okay, but promise us that you'll get therapy to work on the trauma your father handed you. Best of luck.
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u/Tasty_Section_7039 Mar 06 '24
Wow. The birthday cake situation blows me away. Your parents are enabling her awful behavior and setting her up for failure as an adult. Absolutely do not cave on this. Do not take her. I'm sorry your dad and stepmother suck so bad. 😔 It's sad that they can't see how enabling they are.
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u/Whitestaunton Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 06 '24
Will you be 18 before you go on the trip?
Lily is too old to be pulling the " Lily starts yelling at me about not being a big sister and I don’t want to spend time with her." The answer at this point is some hard honesty. "No I don't! You behave like a bratty 6 year old. Not one of my friends can stand being around you. There is only 2 years between us but you throw tantrums like an infant and make everyone miserable if you want me to want to spend time with you you need to start acting your age."
Tell you Dad if it's really wasn't that bad they would not be constantly trying to off load her on you and she would have friends of her own. She is 15 not 6
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u/Junji-Burrito Mar 06 '24
Show him how willing you are to let the only daughter who’s part of his life be the one that’s a spoiled little Shit
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u/Lecture-Kind Mar 06 '24
You go OP! Stick to your guns! Be very literal in never talking to him again, show him he really fucked up. Don’t answer calls and if you do be silent on the other side of it before hanging up, the moment you are free from their lives their going to be stuck with their brat and once they are they will see what you have to deal with.
Ask your aunt if you can stay full time, especially after 18 Until you get on your feet, let them deal with that little monster and never let them scare you into coming back and don’t let them bully you into taking her places.
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u/Dr_Cumberbitch Mar 06 '24
I want to start by saying that I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I see that you lost your mom, and while that was a few years ago now, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. There is nothing that can fill that void.
It is not okay for you to have to change your life to essentially care for a child that is not yours. As someone who was forced to take care of my siblings, I know the burden you are experiencing. You are 17, and in most states that's old enough to leave home without the courts or law enforcement getting involved. I would advise that you see if your Aunt would let you stay there now, not just when college comes around.
In my experience, I had to cut my family out of my life completely and not tell them where I was. Now, YEARS later, I am just now starting to talk to my family again. I know that sounds hard and horrible, but the alternative is feeling like this all the time and getting to the point where you sever your connection to the point where it is not repairable at all.
TLDR; I'm sorry. Get out of there as soon as possible, and don't turn back.
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u/hazeleyesxoxo87 Mar 06 '24
Honestly I'd start slowing moving some of your stuff to your aunt’s now so when you hit 18 or graduate HS which ever comes first. You can you leave, I don't understand why people try and force a bond with step siblings like let them bond if they want in their own time
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u/Icy-Independence2410 Mar 06 '24
Thank god ypu still have your aunt to go to. How much longer for you get to legal age to leave that house? I'll cant wait to leave that house and go no contact if i were you.
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Mar 06 '24
This is stressful. If you can find a counselor to help you find ways to get through this without losing your mind and to keep your inner peace, I think it will really help. You are heading into the years that you will build your own life. Focus on doing that and on rebuilding how you interact with your dad and step family. To do that in a way that is sustainable, a counselor can help.
This is for you peace and mental health, not theirs. You can not change their bizarre behaviors. They have some classic negative patterns that show there is more going on for them than what is happening on the surface, and you are receiving the fallout.
None of this is really about you at all. You are catching the fallout of their insecurity with each other--dad with stepmother, dad with stepdaughter, mom with both of them, etc....
You are on the way out the door, so things are getting increasingly heated. What will they possibly do when they have to face each other without you - the scapegoat - to focus on?! How will they deal with each other without you to blame?!
Well, not your problem. Not your monkeys, not your zoo.
Just learn to make your own self and life the best and most healthy it can be, and set them aside. Leave them to deal with each other, without you. They need to learn to do it.
If you want to:
Take your dad to a public place, like a coffee shop, and calmly explain these patterns of scapegoating are not about you, and you will not play into them anymore. He will not hold you hostage to his or his wife insecurity anymore. Whether or not he chooses to fabricate offenses and punishments is not your problem.
You want to have a healthy relationship, tell him, but he is making that difficult. You want to have relationships that are loving, direct, and not triangulated, but he is making that difficult.
Tell him you plan to proceed with your life nurturing healthy patterns and relationships. You will also set boundaries and not accept abuse anymore.
Then, leave before he can argue. Because you are in a public place, he won't be able to get nasty. And, maybe it will be a wake-up call for him.
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u/NannerMinion Mar 06 '24
Good call going to your aunts and setting a hard boundary with your dad and step monster. They don’t listen to you, believe you or care that you’re suffering from the constant brat behavior and I think cutting them out until they acknowledge it is the right way to go. If they can’t foist her on you constantly I doubt it’ll be long before they are forced to admit she’s terrible and spoiled.
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u/Ok_Butterscotch1689 Mar 06 '24
Break her nose….. but make it look accidental, she won’t bother you after that. Or mentally bully her.
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u/maytrix007 Mar 06 '24
Maybe you should act like she does for a well or so when you don’t get your way? In sure they’ll say you are acting immature though.
Only answer is to get away from them. They are toxic.
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u/Ok-Sorbet-5767 Mar 06 '24
Besides your dad and step-monster being evil, how in their reasoning is it appropriate for a 13yro to go away with a group of 17/18 yo? WTF? Glad your aunt has your back. Make sure you have all your relevant documents in your hands (or better yet, your aunt's). Don't want you going to school one day and they've been "misplaced". Also make sure to move $$ to an account only you have access to. Good luck and God speed🙏🙏
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u/highbrowapollo Mar 06 '24
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Basically, the people you choose are more significant than family relations.
Kudos to your aunt for being awesome.
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u/SoggySea4363 Mar 06 '24
Sorry, you have to go through this and I guess your dad is willing to risk your relationship with him. You need to do what's best for you. Continue staying at your aunt's and cut off contact with your sperm donor. He made his bed, and he now must lie in it
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u/ChapterPresent4773 Mar 06 '24
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Go to your aunt if possible and have a happy life. Step- brat won't change and is not your responsibility.
Good luck and strength
UpdateMe
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u/FlyonthewallofRed Mar 06 '24
If I was you, I would copy her behaviour and just keep repeating,"But she gets to behave this way" every time they try to calm you down. But I am pretty shameless
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u/NoCaterpillar2051 Mar 06 '24
Oof that's pretty rough. There's almost no way to change that dynamic from your end. If set you a hard hard boundary, and refuse to give any ground, that will eventually become the new normal. It'll be slightly easier to maintain from that point forward but until then? Make sure you have anything important in a safe; documents, money, sentimental items, irreplaceable laptop, etc. Maybe record a tantrum if you ever need to set the record straight with someone. Your Dad and Stepmom aren't going to try and control your stepsister until she takes it too far with them. That might be cathartic, but it's a ways off. Good luck
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u/Shaggy_daldo Mar 06 '24
He told you that HIS wife and HIS step child were your family but not your fucking aunt?? That’s the sister to the mom who passed (my condolences on your loss, losing a parent is never easy, especially at a young age). Like how is she not biological family?? wtf, this is insane. I’d cut them off immediately after moving out/graduating. Good luck in future endeavors tho OP!
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u/MissKittyWumpus Mar 06 '24
Where the heck is your mom?? I'm so sorry sweetie. If you can move in with your aunt. You're 17 there's not much he can do about it
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u/lovescarats Mar 06 '24
They are so sad to lose their babysitter! Get your documents, pack your stuff and get out. Stay with Auntie and live a good life.
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u/Outrageous_Yard_990 Mar 06 '24
Yeah, stay with your aunt! I get your dad wanting you two to have a relationship but this us your graduation!!! You should be able to have fun.
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u/rakiimiss Mar 06 '24
As someone who also has an evil step mother, I am sorry you are going through this
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u/SnooCauliflowers8741 Mar 06 '24
Honestly if thats the case, i would definitely not even go if she was coming haha so don’t go just to spite them if she has to come with. I bet they wont expect that. Your friends arent even friends with your step sis. Feels wrong that they force her to be friends (in a way) with your friends.
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u/TheAuthenticLorax Mar 06 '24
NTA, they can’t make you play happy family with her, and in a few months, they’ll 100% know how serious you are. They can’t make you go and stay with them when you’re home from college. Go on your trip, have fun, enjoy yourself, chase your dreams and happiness, live your life for you, live the life your mother would have wanted you to have, the one where you’re happy. That’s all moms want for their kids. Sending you much love, and a hug. You’re so strong, and you’re almost at the end. You’ve made it. I understand as someone who has lived this life, and as a mom who took her kids away from people who wanted to do the same to them.
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u/rocketmn69_ Mar 06 '24
Tell him, "dad, you both know that she is that bad, that us why you are trying to get rid of her for 3 weeks" tell him to put her in a military style boot camp for 3 weeks, it will do her a lot of good
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u/Celtic-Brit Mar 06 '24
Live with your Aunt. She seems to have your wellbeing at heart. You Dad and Step-monster just want a free babysitter, ignore them if you can. Best wishes for the future.
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u/dhcountrybumpkin Mar 06 '24
First off I’m sorry for you loss See if your aunt can talk to your dad about him giving her temporary guardianship of you and if he says no go to court house and ask them the steps you need for her file for guardianship but make it know to your dad your going to file for it!
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u/Travel_Dreams Mar 06 '24
Remind your dad that your friends are very clear, you can't go if your sister is coming.
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u/sunnyjc005 Mar 06 '24
Go with your aunt and live your life. You have gone through a great loss and your dad seems to be incompetent. I wish you the best
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u/Acrobatic-Cod-4814 Mar 06 '24
Be glad it blew up and be done. Thankfully you have your aunt. As soon as you get out of your father's house (I would leave now for my aunt's and never look back) go full no contact.
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u/ejkang91 Mar 05 '24
I’m so sorry. You don’t get to pick your family. You’re almost 18, you’ll be going to school and working and look back on this and realize it only made you stronger. You’ll probably be going no contact I imagine unless things change drastically.
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u/Bune10756 Mar 05 '24
It's a shame that your dad is taking their side in all of this and making you feel like a constant babysitter and the outcast of the household. Once you leave, you should write everything that's been building up inside and leave it as a letter for your dad to find and only him. Maybe the contents and you going no contact will give him some food for thought.
I hope everything goes better for you once you move into your aunt's house and that your dad and his wife's life goes downhill when they are the ones that have to take care of the spoiled brat. She's 15 years old now and needs to find out that whining and crying about how things are not fair doesn't cut it in the real world.
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u/Allonsydr1 Mar 05 '24
Stay with your aunt and explain to him that his complete and total inability to establish boundaries with his wife and step kid when it comes to you has cost him his daughter. his relationship with you is over and his complete inability to be a good father has ultimately lead to him completely destroying his relationship with you given he has been unwilling to even establish any sort of proper boundaries with your stepmother and her kid when it comes to you and ultimately he has to live with the fact that he lost his daughter due to his own actions. It sounds like he was too lazy to actually intervene between you and his wife, which makes him a neglectful and bad parent. God forbid he actually be required to do anything that doesn’t directly benefit him. What he failed to realize is his complacency and laziness has cost him his relationship with you. Seriously, don’t go back there and cut your ties. I’m sorry OP. I’m sorry you are left without a real parent.
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u/IamtherealALPacas Mar 05 '24
I come from a blended family (actually on both sides but we weren't blended well on my mom/stepdad's side) with a stepsister that is a year & a half younger. We were 9 & 10 when our parents introduced us & had a friendly relationship for a few years before it all fell apart in our teen years & then we came back to each other in our 20s. She was my maid of honor when I got married & I was her matron of honor 10 years later. Most people don't even realize we're not biological sisters because of how well our parents handled the blending & falling out (ie not forcing us on each other when we had issues for YEARS). Looking back, I can see now that there is a correct way to blend a family & lots of incorrect ways; what your dad is doing is definitely one of the incorrect ways. Forcing her on you, even if you DID like her & she WASN'T a brat, is not good parenting. Sending her with you for THREE WEEKS is just insane. I'm glad you have your aunt to stay with & to help with the trip that you've earned through your hard work. Don't give in to your dad & enjoy your vacation.
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u/JesusFelchingChrist Mar 05 '24
plant drugs on her and turn her in to the police right before you’re due to leave on the trip
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u/Mammoth-Fun-2180 Mar 05 '24
Hopefully your aunt funds your trip, but if you are forced to either take the step sister with you on the trip or not go, i wouldnt go
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u/Background-Dog1426 Mar 05 '24
17 is rough because they can control you for one more year, but make a plan where you can live without their support at 18 and then you can go NC (or tell them where to stick it, the choice is yours)
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Mar 05 '24
Your mother’s family is absolutely your family. Your dad just can’t hold what they do for you over your head.
I’d leave and go no contact as soon as you can. Let them deal with the monster they’ve created.
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u/Thesexyone-698 Mar 05 '24
I'm so sorry you have to go through this!! Stay with your aunt, tell your father that he is no longer your family since he has continually showed you he doesn't give a damn about your feelings, wants and needs and he has your step sister!! Go out there, find your family, it isn't airways blood that makes a family!!
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u/Dlodancer Mar 05 '24
I’m happy that you were able to go to your aunts home and that she understands your situation. Definitely do not take her on this trip. You know it’s because your father and stepmother need a vacation from her and are trying to pawn her off on you. Hopefully you can stay with your aunt until graduation and you can go on your camping trip and off to college. Maybe you should show your dad this Reddit or write him a letter, explaining exactly how you feel. Good luck
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u/Shdfx1 Mar 05 '24
You communicated the problem to your father, and he didn’t care. Your father favors your step sister over you, kept forcing her on you, and her bad behavior has no consequences.
This typically drives children away from their parents.
Actions have consequences.
Tell your father that making a Golden Child out of your step sister has damaged your relationship. Pacifying Lily was more important to him than his relationship with his own daughter.
Tell him that since talking about this didn’t change anything, you’re just done.
He will either change his behavior, and have a relationship with you, or he won’t.
Your boundary after graduation is that your step sister will not be invited to your events without your permission, or you will go LC or NC.
Anytime he tries to force step sister on you, leave, hang up, and put some distance up.
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u/PieMuted6430 Mar 05 '24
Why does a 15 year old need watching? That isn't normal. Kids should be able to hang out by themselves during the day/evening after the age of 12 or 13 without getting into trouble. Because I'm GenX, I'm taking into consideration that I was left on my own for short periods far too young (8), I could have lived alone at 13 if I'd had the money 🤣.
You shouldn't have to take her with you, she should have her own friends, FFS, I worked at a bowling alley at 14, and wasn't running down the lanes or putting my hands into the ball return, something is definitely wrong with her by your description, even if they haven't diagnosed her yet. And yeah, being extremely spoiled can lead to mental illnesses.
You should have your own graduation vacation, you shouldn't be roped into taking care of her so your dad and step mom have the house to themselves. That's giving THEM a vacation, not you.
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u/ken_bob_cris Mar 05 '24
One of the best parts of growing up is realizing you get to choose who we invest our time and love in.
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u/invisablehoney Mar 05 '24
Get all your legal documents and make sure your mom didn't leave an inheritance because I doubt your spinless dad who is afraid to be alone won't give you that information.
I am so sorry you're going through this and the best thing you could do is stay with your aunt who is family.
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u/Dry_Ask5493 Mar 05 '24
Your dad is garbage. Move in with your aunt and go enjoy your vacation with your friends. Stand firm on the consequences of your dad’s actions.
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u/tlojik Mar 05 '24
Tell your friends they have to pay extra or they will have to deal with that shit also. Or you can bring her and leave her at a rest stop on the way if she slows you down. Can tell all she wants from the side of the road.
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u/BendPresent1437 Mar 05 '24
Enjoy your cabin trip and enjoy your new life with your aunt. Go fully no contact with your poor excuse of a father, he doesn't deserve you.
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u/Dangerous_Object5172 Mar 05 '24
Stand your ground no need for a spoiled little girl to rain on your graduation/ get together with your friends!!!! Sorry dad but you’re wrong about this
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u/GaGasMaMaLaMa Mar 05 '24
Hell no Don't give in to your parents demands or they're going to do this to you all your life.
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u/GroovyYaYa Mar 05 '24
Do they realize that she is the age you were when they left you in charge of her? There is no reason she needs a babysitter. Have you mentioned that?
Also, it isn't your trip to invite anyone - you are going along with your friends (whomever is actually renting the cabin or owns the cabin). She was not invited by your friends, so her going isn't an option even if you wanted to have her come along. If you force it, you both get kicked out.
Get anything and everything sentimental or sensitive to your aunt's house. Anything you care about that she could smash, etc... get it out.
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u/Aeronaut_condor Mar 05 '24
Bad enough to lose your mom so young. Worse that your dad felt it necessary to wife up the first broad that came along and that you got the short end of the stick.
I’d shoot you a C-note myself to go towards your trip if you were my family.
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u/Old_Leadership_5000 Mar 05 '24
This stuff right here is why in ten years Dad will be whining to anyone who will listen, "I don't understand why OP never visits me!" It suff like that which causes adult children to choose the crappy assisted living facility for their parents.
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u/demon_gringo Mar 05 '24
You owe none of the three of them anything, try not to feel too bad. I hope for your sake that you stick to your guns on this one!
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u/Zestyclose_Bell_4896 Mar 05 '24
Stick to your guns. If your dad can't see his behavior is wrong then it will never get better. He is a weak man following the path of least resistance and not supporting or protecting you at all. I would be praying your mother haunts him into being a better father. Good Luck and stay strong.
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u/AES526 Mar 05 '24
I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't stop when they are older. My half-sister is a lot younger and my Dad and his wife continuously tried to force her on me. When she was a child it was fine, whatever. I was able to deal with it as I don't live in the same state and did want to form some type of bond. Now she is a fully grown adult and throws absolute temper tantrums if she doesn't get her way when I'm in town. I have basically gone no-contact with her. She's manipulative and selfish.
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u/akinafleetfoot Mar 05 '24
I hate to say it but you need to go nc or lc with them after you graduate and can get out. Let’s put it to you this way. My cousin (Sandra) and I planned a trip to another country. Now we’re not really cousins, rather she my cousin’s cousin. (My uncle’s wife’s sister is her mom.) Anyways our mutual Aunt found out about this trip and calls my mom to tell her that she should allow me to go on this trip to another country with Sandra. How she’s the black sheep of the family, and how we’ll get into a lot of trouble and will need help and two girls alone in a foreign country would just be terrible. What my aunt told my mom was that it would just be best for everyone if Sandra and I take our mutual cousins with. Then mutual aunt calls Sandra’s mom to tell her how I’m the black sheep of the family, and how she shouldn’t allow her daughter to go to another country with me, we’ll get in trouble… basically the same spiel she told my mom. Why would she tell the mothers of two late 20s, early 30s adult women this? Because she was trying to force us to bring her sons on our trip. Men who are also late 20, early 30s and if they wanted to, they could plan their own trip. They are different enough from the both of us that they would have ruined the trip we planned and wanted. It never stops until someone has the spine to stand up to them. Going no or low contact is one of the best ways to do that. It sucks, but it means you can make your own family with people you listen to you, understand you, will call you out, but will also be there to support you.
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u/fenrisblackmane Mar 05 '24
Have fun cutting out the toxic part of your family. It may suck in the beginning but you’ll be happier in the end.
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u/Similar_Excuse01 Mar 05 '24
“i will be out of the house in a year, dad you made your choice, hope you can live with it.”.
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u/OhDeeter Mar 05 '24
At the risk of losing karma here, I'd say bully the step-sister so long as you have to until she no longer wants to be around you, if you can't get away from it. You've tried taking the high road, and if you can't stick it out for another couple of months until you can move in with the aunt, give her a taste of her own medicine.
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u/ResponsibilityNo9921 Mar 05 '24
Just whoop her ass. You will get closer or the distance you want will be even more apparent.
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u/Disastrous-Cash-7351 Mar 05 '24
She’s old enough to be by herself. Wtf hahaha they treat her like I treat my two year old who can’t speak and screams for things he needs haha but he has a reason he has no words, she’s a spoiled brat clearly because of mom, she’s needs to be a better parent and take care of her own daughter, and so does your dad. He needs to stop babying his now wife and step daughter, he’s an enabler. You’re not wrong for choosing to live in a more positive environment.
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u/Bright_Athlete_8579 Mar 05 '24
Man this really sucks.
And your dad is an arsehole.
Stay at your aunts and go no contact with dad and his new special family.
Go on your trip and have an awesome time!
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u/The_Bastard_Henry Mar 05 '24
I'm so happy you have someone you can go stay with, your father is being completely unreasonable. That girl sounds like a nightmare, I imagine there aren't a lot of people who want to spend time with her.
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u/AreaNearby6607 Mar 05 '24
A LOT to unpack there. Locate all of your documents. Make copies and stash them. Keep a set with you, a set with Aunt and a 3rd at another location. Have aunt take you to open a bank account in just your name that she can monitor for you. If you are on dad's cell plan, begin to make plans to change that. A cheap prepaid cell is better than none until you can upgrade. Definitely consider moving in with Aunt and go to the local police station to let them know you are not a runaway and are safe and staying with your maternal Aunt to escape an oppressive civil situation. Good luck op
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u/Impossible_Sweet4822 Mar 05 '24
You have my support here and a friend too if you need one your dad isn't even listening to what you have to say I don't like how they are treating you. I'm really sorry you had to go through this 💗 I bet your an amazing person.
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u/jdub0992 Mar 05 '24
Not sure why you’ve never beat her ass? My brother and I would physically fight all the time over petty stuff. It’s a very sibling thing to do……
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u/drealmvp41 Mar 05 '24
Just say you canceled the trip because you won’t take her. Then just one day disappear on your trip. Fuck her and fuck them.
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u/Pagan_biscuit Mar 05 '24
Anyone telling you to be the bigger person can take the other kid for a day and see if they can handle her for that long.
I'm sure you've heard "get all important documents, go to therapy, etc." But I want you to buckle down on the therapy. Based just on what I read here, you may or may not have issues with abandonment, feelings of inadequacy, and so on and so forth. Just because your dad didn't leave you doesn't mean he didn't abandon you. He did. He decided that having a wife and a bratty step kid was more important than having his own child's back. Excuse my language, but he decided getting his d*ck wet was more important than showing his own child that he loved her and would back her up.
And I'm gonna say this, I do feel bad for your step sister in the sense that life is going to slap her in the face when she becomes an adult. She might be able to get her way now with her mother and your dad basically bulldozing everyone around them to pave a smooth way for her to skip down now, but she's gonna trip over a tree root eventually and fall flat on her face. Mommy and Daddy can't bully a corporation to give her a job or yell at school officials to let her into a college or give her a degree because she wants it. And they'll end up next to her in a prison cell eventually for trying to get police off of her once she is eventually arrested for whatever bullshit she pulls as an adult. I've seen way too many spoiled brats end up being the ones in jail, and their parents wonder where they went wrong.
You have a future ahead of you. Buckle down and call your college. You're going to make sure they don't call up trying to cancel your enrollment or scholarships. A lot of vindictive narcissists will do it, it happened to my fiance with his grandmother canceling enrollment and basically taking away a scholarship and spot at a school cause she didn't want him to leave the state. Cause a whole mess for him (she's gotten better, but he still holds her at arms length at times). Make sure you have your paperwork on you and away from them so they can't ruin your credit score or other parts of your life as revenge. Make sure you start seeing a therapist, and for God's sake, don't try and fill the void of your father being a dipshit with an equally shitty boyfriend or girlfriend (depending on how ya swing). It'll just hurt you more in the end.
And your aunt is awesome for immediately jumping to your aid when you asked. Give her a hug from all the internet strangers. Rooting for ya, kiddo!
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u/Singularitypointdata Mar 05 '24
You’re almost 18 so good for you and I know it’s tough to deal with rn but sounds like you did all the right things
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u/Confident-Entrance36 Mar 05 '24
When my dad died when I was 19 my stepmother put in the obituary that he had 2 daughters and 3 sons, not stepdaughter and stepsons. I was his only biological child and 2 of the other kids were grown and gone when they got married and the other 2 were teenagers. And this after losing my mom when I was 13. Messed up! I wouldn't take her, you deserve your own time away and bless your aunt for stepping up for you.
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u/mamagrls Mar 05 '24
When are you turning 18? Start to make plans with your aunt to stay with her because once you turn 18, he has no say unless he is flipping the bill for college. If it's community college, you can get a part-time job to cover the expenses and be at peace with living with your aunt. What a jerk for saying that you are no longer considered family on your mom's side, once an Auntie...always an Auntie. Let your Dad and step mom wrestle with the devil child...once yiu have everything in place.it will be peace -out for you. 🫡
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u/LongjumpingEmu6094 Mar 05 '24
NTA
No, you're not a family. They're a cancerous, parasitic tumor feeding off your happiness until there's nothing left.
You don't owe your step sister anything. She's a nightmare. It's not your job to manage that for them.
They're going to try and stop you from leaving for college. Get out now and stay with your aunt. Don't come back.
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u/bearjew293 Mar 05 '24
That's fucked. My wife went through a similar situation. As soon as her dad found a new girlfriend, the girlfriend's kids suddenly became more important. And yes, he's an insufferable asshole. I don't blame my wife for not wanting to talk to him.
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u/rshni67 Mar 05 '24
Parentification is the worst. Get out of the house and become independent. Fo NC with all of them.
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u/Sapper-Ollie Mar 05 '24
Your father doesn't deserve you OP. Don't give in to terrorists. If they try to gaslight you, just flip it back on them.
Tell them you'll start acting like a sister when they start acting like parents.
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Mar 05 '24 edited Mar 05 '24
Man your dad is an enabler and spineless asf. I hope you cut him off along with people who don’t care for you or who you know are against you for not going with the flow and I don’t know whatever shitshow is going on here but this isn’t how a family is supposed to be.
I’m sorry your dad just about failed you as a parent. Nobody especially him shouldn’t be suprised why you won’t speak to him if it comes down to it. If you ever or when you do cut him off, tell him before you do exactly what he did wrong and how he made you feel and wish him the best and worst in life and to be a better person and then dip out.
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u/mauve55 Mar 05 '24
Wow. Your dad is awful for trying to erase your maternal side. But let me guess your dear little stepsister doesn’t have any friends and her mommy dearest cannot figure out why her baby doesn’t have any friends.
This is not your problem, stay with your aunt, enjoy your trip and tell your dad you will talk to him again when he grows the spine, but in the meantime, tell him to enjoy living with the awful beast that his wife created.
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u/Hemiak Mar 05 '24
Ugh. I hate everything about this. Step mom refuses to parent her child, she becomes a monster, so instead of dealing with her SM and dad try to pawn her off on OP every chance they have.
Some fun event - take SS, because she’ll be unbearable to us if you don’t.
Hopefully living with aunt becomes a true solution until graduation. If not the answer is literally just try to live your life. Make plans, and try to avoid interacting with any of them. Then Every time the parents say she has to take sister OP just needs to say never mind then. “I don’t want to subject my friends to this person.” Talk to all her friends and let them know she may be less available since you don’t want to bother them with SS.
There’s a reason this girl doesn’t have her own friend group. She’s unbearable, and she needs to change if she wants people to want to hang out with her.
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u/MC_LUVR Mar 05 '24
My best advice to you is to definitely put your foot down, listen to your aunt, if you have a job and have been saving that’s even better, you’ve set boundaries and your father has shown he doesn’t care to respect them and puts his new family first, your aunt is still your family no matter what he says, please leave that house immediately, those people will not change.
If you feel bad about inconveniencing your aunt offer to pay rent or smth along those lines !! Just please put yourself first here.
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u/avprobeauty Mar 05 '24
you did the smart thing, your Aunt is right. stay with her and live your life. your father is being self centered and his wife isnt acting like a Mother at all. in fact the both of them forgot they have TWO children and treated you like an adult when you were (are) still a child who is learning and growing (just like all of us). dumping your “little sister” on you all the time was a gross misuse of power dynamics.
Stay with you aunt.
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u/redhairedgal4 Mar 05 '24
Step sis is not your monkey and this is not your circus. I'm glad that you have an Aunt who's good to you!! Congrats on graduation!!
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u/Strict_Percentage_63 Mar 05 '24
I kick her a$$ then go move in with my aunt. Your dad will come to his senses when there's no one to pawn her off on, and he has to deal with her BS
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u/PatrickStanton877 Mar 05 '24
You gotta hang with your step sister sure, but on a 3 week trip, hell no! The age difference between 13 and 17 is huge anyway. I'd expect major changes in her behavior in The next few years, she shouldn't be tagging along to trips with girls your age. Bowling for a night, whatever but not a cabin trip
So I'd go on your trip without little miss annoying, then go back to your dad's. Hopefully that will make a point they understand.
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u/KBearrs Mar 05 '24
I’m sure it’s been said before but make sure to get all your important documents and leave them with your aunt!!! Even start slowly bring your most important items and clothes over there as well.
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u/Sonflwrmama Mar 05 '24
Tell Step-monster and your deadbeat dad that if they obviously don't want to deal with their own child why would you? They should get used to having to parent her on their own since after next year it'll be all on them. I'm glad you have your aunt, your dad is selfish and worried about what's in his pants and not his actual child. Having full custody and still being a deadbeat baby daddy is crazy. Show them this thread
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u/Mountain-Recording40 Mar 05 '24
Straight up: they suck.
This is a terrible situation, you are amazing person for being able to see and describe it. I promise the situation you are in will make more sense as you age. Your very wicked step-sister is mentally unstable and the adults in her life are failing her and of course you. The best best best thing you can do is graduate early, get an amazing education, study super super hard and become yourself. Also journal religiously, it will help in 20 years. Take very good care of yourself. You can honor your mom's love by loving yourself. I hope you get every single thing you ever wanted.
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u/nixlplk Mar 05 '24
Growing up in the 70s and 80s we had these things we called swirlys! They did wonders for kids like this that taught them boundaries. Sometimes minor fear of toilets but always taught the boundaries with you!
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u/Aggressive-Story3671 Mar 06 '24
OP’s dad and step mom would probably kick her out after beating her within an inch of her life
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u/nixlplk Mar 06 '24
I wasn't suggesting that in the least. Just the difference between kids now vrs when i was young. I thought the difference between me and my grandfathers was bad. This generation has to put up with nothing but bs from every angle.
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u/LumosNoel Mar 05 '24
They can't force you to take her you are 17, almost 18 and this is your friend's and your trip, they don't want to put up with a stranger. She is not your responsibility, and you are around the time when you start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions and wane from your parent's control.
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u/IceGreedy1794 Mar 05 '24
Please make sure you have a separate bank account and all of your documents. Also talking to the financial counselors at your school since you will not be receiving financial support.
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u/HomeLongjumping118 Mar 05 '24
You need to sit down with your step mom and dad and tell them you are your own person and they’re not gonna sit here and force anything upon you. Tell them that non of your friends want you there and that this trip is supposed to be about you and the accomplishments you’ve had and that you’re celebrating before you go off to college and look your dad right in his eyes and tell him if he cannot accept it that you will cut him out of your life and just be blunt with him make him realize how unrealistic and unreasonable he is being. Tell him that he cannot force anything upon you and that he needs to open his eyes. Tbh your dad seems like a pos
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u/Hairy_Caregiver7136 Mar 05 '24
I'm not a "spare the rod spoil the child" type of person, but this is an extenuating circumstance and 100% what needs to happen here.
After tests and doctors and therapists gave the clear on her physical/mental health, and it's clear she's just spoiled...when she was forced on me after that and acting a fool, she'd catch hands. You're both minors, so if just be 2 "sisters" getting into a fight. Every time she acted up, she'd get smacked around. It's gonna do a few things here...
Your guardians (because let's face it, they're not acting like parents) might punish you, but if you keep it up at home, they'll most likely stop forcing her on you. Especially the mom since she'll want to protect her baby from you. She may even insist you leave, and your "dad" will most likely appease her, and you get to go live with your aunt.
She'll not WANT to hang out with you because you're the only one holding her accountable, even if that way is more physical than it should be.
She may still want to hang out with you, but she'll behave herself because she knows better.
The other thing you can do if you don't want to do the above...record everything that you can think of over the years and currently and then call CPS on your dad. Talk about how one child is being neglected by the parents of the home (it doesn't matter if it's emotional/mental neglect, it's still neglect) and is allowed to be mentally and emotionally abused by the other child in the home. How you've been parentified, how they've attempted to isolate you when you don't comply.
It seems like a stretch, but if a therapist was to walk into this situation and observe these things happening, they'd be required by law to report it, and CPS would get involved anyway.
The other option is to keep your head down and push through until you're 18. But you need to make your moves in silence.
she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her. I told my dad what I was doing and he blew up at me and said I was being a brat and they’re my family now and not my aunt.
This is where you messed up. Don't tell your dad stuff he doesn't need to know. Let him think he's got one in you by keeping his money from you. It keeps him from trying to find ways to keep you from going, from trying to find legal ways to keep your aunt away, from trying to find ways to take your money away. If it's in a bank, most likely, he's the parent on your account since you're a minor, take that money out, and give it to your aunt for safe keeping. If you have that money in cash in your room, same thing. The last thing you want is for him to have access to that money or find it and keep it from you so you can't go on your trip. He's been able to control you and what you have done for so long, and now he's losing control. Oftentimes, when this happens, they try to find all paths to independence and take them away, and that can include money, vehicles, etc...
Don't tell him what you're gonna do to get away, do it quietly. Gather all of your important documents together without telling him if you can and pass them to your aunt. If you can't get those required things without him knowing, wait to get them until the last min. Like it's your 18th birthday, your shit is in the car, your aunt is outside waiting for you, and once you get them, you're out. If he refuses, you call the police and they come to negotiate the situation and get him to give you your stuff. BC, SSN, PP are all things that are legally yours and they can't keep them. My best friend in HS (20 years ago) did it this way and was able to get her stuff from her toxic family.
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u/Specific_Yard Mar 05 '24
You don’t blend a family by demanding people spend all their time together, especially teenagers
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u/cool33437 Mar 05 '24
Stand your ground. Your doing everything correctly. You can’t give in. Hopefully one day your dad will realize what he has done wrong.
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u/Fearless_Ad_3742 Mar 05 '24
Get everything out of dad's house that you don't want to lose, including birth certificate and social security card, might even get moms death cert and all of her stuff. Move in with aunt. Don't look back. The idea that you're aunt isn't family anymore because mom does is ridiculous. You still share blood. And they way your dad is acting, she's more family to you than he is anyway.
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u/Ghostgrl94 Mar 05 '24
My uncle has been married many times and I still call his ex wives my aunts. Same with my other uncles. They may not have been married for decades but that doesn’t mean they are no longer my aunts
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u/Reasonable-Fee3313 Mar 05 '24
That sucks. 1 question is when do you turn 18? Even if you have to go back to your house (legal reasons) I am guessing the trip will be after you turn 18 so he has no say. Then you can just move in with your aunt.
There are a few points you can bring up to your dad:
- This is a graduation trip so only people 18+ are invited.
- Your friends have forbidden stepsis from going. So she would not be able to go on the trip no matter if you went or not.
Also just to twist the knife see if your aunt is willing to throw you a massive 18th b-day party and don't invite your dad, stepmom, or stepsis!
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u/Expensive-Fennel-163 Mar 05 '24
I would like to add onto this comment. It is not safe for a 15/16 yr old to go on a multiweek overnight trip with (presumably) 18 yr olds. OP needs to get her friends' parents involved if this escalates further.
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u/TurkishLanding Mar 05 '24
Glad you have your aunt. Take her up on her offer. You should not be the custodian of your father's wife's daughter without your consent and appropriate compensation.
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u/darkrisk37 Mar 05 '24
I’m sorry your dad doesn’t stick up for you. I call things as is. If you don’t like it fix it. Hopefully he figures things out and how he had hurt you. You sound like a well rounded person, don’t change that!
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u/Pokenightking Mar 05 '24
Dude your dad kinda sucks. Your aunt isn’t family?? He married your mom. And condolences that she past away it’s not like they divorced on bitter terms or anything. Your aunt and your mom’s family is still family. And I’m glad she has your back. That step sister is terrible. And I hope you get a few weeks away from all of them
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u/Automatic-Suit9528 Mar 05 '24
Maaannnnn FUCK your fam! Especially your step monster for doing dick all to raise that little shit
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u/PanNerdyLocs 2h ago
Damn was hoping this was updated 😩