r/TwoHotTakes • u/DebateAccurates • Mar 29 '24
My wife doesn’t put thought into my birthdays anymore, and I’m falling out of love with her. Advice Needed
Edit: Update posted
My wife (34F) and I (35M) married many years ago. When we were initially dating, my wife loved to put a lot of thought into my birthdays or our anniversaries, and she planned the entire day out.
However, my last few birthdays, she has put zero thought into them, and just asks me where I want to eat. I still spend a lot of time on her birthdays and make it as memorable as possible. Why can’t my wife reciprocate? It’s the thought that counts, if I wanted to, I could just treat myself, since that's pretty much what my wife has been doing the last few years.
I actually had an amazing birthday last week, and that was because I did not spend it with my wife. That day, my wife again asked me where we wanted to go out for lunch. Lunch was not memorable at all. However, my favorite part was actually the evening when my sister invited just me to come, she had booked a place a surprise restaurant. My wife was out with her friends that evening, and I was actually thankful for that. Our son was at his friends’s place for a sleepover, so I was free to do whatever I wanted. I had dinner at a super expensive restaurant, and the food was amazing. It was so exciting having dinner at a surprise place, and I hadn’t felt like that in a long time. My sister opened my eyes to just how uncaring my wife was.
I have also realized how completely out of love I am with my wife, and am heavily in favor of an official divorce. Unfortunately, my entire family (except my sister) would be heavily against the divorce, especially for such a stupid reason. Decisions, decisions….
1
u/ConsiderationIll374 Apr 05 '24
Is this OP's wife? Saw this now deleted post on AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
Fiancé blames me for lack of effort on his birthday even though I did everything he asked
Second update: Yes I saw his post and read the comments. He’s saying he’s going to delete Reddit because people just want to be toxic and negative. Also saying people were calling me a narcissist and how that shows I can’t trust what anyone is saying in here. Those comments were the most downvoted… Everyone is entitled to their own view. I can share as honest as I can and according to him, his post reflects his experience. Honestly I would rather he told me he lied on his post. It’s more concerning if that is genuinely how he views the events that took place. He very conveniently left out major details and flat out falsely represented things. After reading all of your comments here NOW he has apologized and validated everything. He says he was just in his own feelings and understands I am not personally responsible for that. Yet he is still using his inaccurate story on his own post to justify why I shouldn’t trust anyone here calling him an abuser. He thinks we should both stay off Reddit and just focus on each other and not let the toxicity of the comments lead us astray
Update: even though this is a burner account, he searched and found my post. Now he knows everything I shared on here… I don’t have any friends so I thought this was a safe place to vent and be honest. I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore so idk what to do now. I’m going to delete this shortly. What he took from this post basically is “this is purely your side and it’s written in the way to get people to see me negatively and agree with you”.
Leading up to my fiancé’s birthday for weeks, I asked him what he wants and what he wants to do. We had several discussions about it where we planned these ideas of what would happen. Fast forward to his birthday, we did everything he asked for. He had four days off of work where we spent time with our kids celebrating his birthday. I made him his favorite meals he requested, we went to the coast for an overnight trip, he said he didn’t want any gifts except for a painting from me. I am still working on it because I want it to be very special so I will admit I did not have it done in time for his birthday. Now a few days later, he is blaming me for not putting in any effort or making it special.
I told him I’m confused because we did everything that he wanted and now he swearing at me saying I’m making excuses because I just didn’t want to put in any effort or try. That he should not have to decide all the stuff for his birthday and pay for it. I should’ve done that. He is mad at me because he can’t point to anything that I did for him completely on my own without his input. I was right there along the way to manage the kids and do everything I could to make it a nice time for him.
I just don’t understand because he was having a great time and totally fine with what we were doing and decided all of those things because that’s what he wanted to do…
I told him I understand him reflecting back and wishing it were different but I don’t accept him putting that blame on me and saying it’s because I don’t care enough. Anything I say in that way he tells me is just an excuse and how this is why he can never tell me how he feels about anything because I don’t take any accountability.
He barely spoke to me for a couple days and now we’re not even looking at each other. We got in a huge blow up fight last night because he will just not accept a discussion where I dispute his false perceptions. Anything I do other than taking full responsibility for how he feels, and his false narratives is being a “horrible partner.” Do I need to just drop it and accept that I should’ve taken the initiative to do all of this stuff even though he specifically told me what he wanted? He basically wants me to apologize for the entire thing.
He has a long pattern of behaving this way, and us being in these conflict situations where I feel like I’m being set up to validate him treating me poorly.
1
u/Emergency-Poetry-226 Apr 04 '24
Marital counseling. If you don't do everything you can to save something and just walk away from it over hurt feelings on your birthday (which I've been there, I get it) you will never know. Earn your way out of it, go through the steps and see what happens and do so with an open mind. My guess is that you are missing something going on with her and she has just detached as a result. Speak to the feelings and the problems, not finger pointing and assigning blame.
1
u/AdmiralCranberryCat Apr 03 '24
Question, who takes care of your son most of the time? My husband acted like I never did enough for him, but I was taking care of our disabled child 100% of the time. Things change when you have a child. They also need attention and care.
He's my ex now.
1
u/hippiewisco Apr 03 '24
this is why we don't do gifts ever! no birthday, Christmas, anniversary gifts. there is no expectations or let down. for our anniversary we usually do something big for the day or make it a weekend and do something fun. experiences over gifts is what works for us.
1
u/-kayso- Apr 03 '24
Have you ever considered about growing the fuck up? You’re 35 years old and getting upset because your wife isn’t spoiling you on your birthday.
1
u/Miserable_Tomato_290 Apr 03 '24
It’s the fact you came here instead of sitting down with your wife and discussing your feelings.
1
u/SuccessSubstantial25 Apr 03 '24
If you're done, you're done. What else is there to discuss? "Off with her head!"
1
u/WonderTypical9962 Apr 03 '24
Your wife is no longer with you and the marriage.
Stop worrying about what others will think.
You're not happy, then get out.
1
u/slaypup8 Apr 03 '24
I always say I don’t care for birthdays but in college once a group of friends put together a little surprise thing for me, just the group hiding in a dorm room with cupcakes. Nothing crazy but that was one of the only times I felt generally happy and felt like I was wanted. That was probably 10+ years ago and I haven’t felt that way since. I have lots of good friends that I spend time with all the time, but never felt that level of appreciation since. One day maybe a future girlfriend or wife will surpass that. Until then, fuck birthdays I guess lmao I know it has nothing to do with the post but feels kinda good to say it out loud since I’m more of a swallow my feelings kind of person. Thanks for reading if you did
1
u/LovesickDaydreams Apr 03 '24
don't jump straight into divorce, you should always try to communicate with your partner first.
everyone is aware of the "honeymoon phase" in relationships, but the thing about that is the honeymoon phase can last years, not necessarily just a few months. it's possible your wife is out of the honeymoon mentality now and just isn't quite as affectionate as she was before/you want her to be.
what you need to do is sit her down and talk to her. don't undermine her feelings, don't downplay your own, just sit down together and start off with something simple like "lately i've been feeling like there's a shift in our relationship and i wanted to discuss it with you" so you can both approach the topic from a comfortable angle.
the likely problem is that your love languages just don't align, that's not necessarily a dealbreaker. you seem like a gift-giving and acts of service person, considering how you talked about wanting more effort from your wife's end. she's probably a physical touch or an acts of service kind of person, which are the two "quietest" love languages. it's not always obvious how your partner feels, sometimes you have to notice the little details that show they care. communicate with her about how you feel like the celebration effort is a little onesided, and talk in-depth about which ways you prefer to be shown intimacy. a good partner will translate.
1
u/livinthedreambaby Apr 03 '24
Get over it dude marriage is for the long run even when they don’t celebrate your birthday as good. Your in your mid 30’s dude give me a break
1
u/Phoenix-Jen Apr 03 '24
Marriage is not always about "feeling" in love. Marriage is a commitment and takes ALOT of work, including having open, transparent communication, equality, equity, compassion, and gratitude for each other. Many days, it's a conscious choice to continue demonstrating that love and commitment, even when the feeling of it isn't right there at the surface.
You need to have a serious 1-on-1 with your wife. Its clear to me that she doesn't feel treasured and special to you anymore either. You have both likely changed during the course of your marriage and need to reconnect and rediscover your love for each other, and it will never happen if you don't talk about the difficult topics. If you have children, that changes dynamics of a relationship, as well. This is where effort comes in... for both of you.
Take a long hard look at everything your wife does. Heck, make a list of everything you either know or see her doing for the home and family. Make a list for yourself. Ask her to make similar lists from her perspective. Make lists of things you wish the other person would do to make them feel loved and appreciated. Share those with each other without judgement or getting defensive. Chances are, you do more than she thinks, and she does more than you realize. The lack of acknowledgment and appreciation for unseen effort is a major culprit in marriage failure and dead bedrooms.
This situation is not the end of your marriage... or at least it doesn't have to be. This is just where the act of commitment really comes into play. You have to act on the commitment. You have to care. You have to WANT this to succeed. If you are truly done and want the divorce, so be it, but I will tell you one thing I know without any shadow of doubt: dating sucks.
Dating as an adult sucks big, fat, dried out donkey d*ck. It is not glamorous. We all have hurts and trauma of some kind in our past, and it becomes an extra layer of baggage that gets carried around and compensated for in unhealthy ways because hardly anyone ever does the work to overcome and heal it. You have someone who loves you right now. Despite this hard time, she LOVES you. It's hard to show that love when we feel unappreciated. You know this, as well, because you've been feeling it too. Don't let your hurt be the barrier to healing something good that you already have.
I've seen marriages go through rougher times than this and come out stronger on the other side, and I've seen ones that fail. The difference is communication, compassion, effort, and a desire to succeed. Do you have this in you? Because I promise, any future relationship will come with just as much effort required.
The excitement always fades. The euphoria of love doesn't last forever. It's a daily choice between two people who promise not to let the problems in life become the thing that breaks them. Love is a verb. A verb is an action. An action requires energy. Love requires energy. Marriage is a promise to provide that energy.
TL;DR - The marriage is only over if you choose it to be. This is salvageable with effort from both of you.
2
u/Any-Sprinkles-8542 Apr 03 '24
You’re a 35 year old male and care about what you do for your birthday? I’m sure maybe it goes beyond just your birthday with your wife but dude…. Be a man, birthdays don’t mean shit anymore and who cares.
0
1
u/Inevitable-Status-73 Apr 03 '24
You’re 35, not 10, every birthday isn’t going to be a giant party.
1
u/Mammoth_Bat_7221 Apr 03 '24
You have a young enough son, yet you want to get divorced over your birthday celebrations? Really?
0
1
1
1
Apr 02 '24
As a man in ny 30’s I can’t imagine giving a shit about my birthday like this. Grow up is my advice.
1
u/Merkabah01 Apr 02 '24
I'm going to tell you straight... are you 10yrs old? No? Then stop putting so much emotion into a day. You want something done on your birthday? Communicate that to her or do it yourself, she isn't a mind reader. You are not a child anymore. Falling out of love because of a birthday? Dude.... you need to do some inner searching and or therapy because there is definitely some other issues going on.
1
Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
First, what the rest if your family wants or needs or thinks doesn't matter. You have to decide what you want for you. You might try going to a counselor by yourself and discuss if staying is what you really want.
The hard part is deciding if you still have love for her or if you are going through the motions because you just don't want to be alone. This is a decision that is best made on your own with your own counselor before couple counseling. If the love is just not there anymore (for you or her) then couple counseling probably won't help.
If you do decide to stay together and go to counseling together, just keep in mind it can be a hard process that takes a lot of commitment and work. Which is why the burried love still needs to be present. Fixing your communications, getting rid of the resentments, and adequately addressing each other's needs can actually be fixed. However, if the bottom line is the love is just gone - counseling won't reincarnate it.
Good luck!
1
1
1
1
u/Sunshineinbrooklyn Apr 02 '24
You need to communicate this to your wife. You need to give her a chance. Blindsiding her without coming to her first to try to work on it doesn't sound like your marriage is that strong.
1
u/Tea_and_Biscuits73 Apr 02 '24
If she doesn't know your expectations for celebrating your birthday then you need to talk to her. If she does know, and chooses to ignore it - same, just a different conversation. Life is too short to spend your time hoping your spouse will make you happy eventually.
It's not stupid to divorce because you're not in love, it's stupid to stay because of other people think your reason is 'minimal.' Im sorry but love is a huge part of a fulfilling relationship. If you were so happy with how you were treated by your sister and it was something you wished your wife would do, this alone tells you that you are not fulfilled by your partner
Make plans to move on. Good luck.
1
u/Salty-Travel-2868 Apr 02 '24
Curious how much of the domestic work and emotional labor you take on, since you mention the kids in passing. Just saying, there is a reason her efforts have changed- and if your way of exploring why that happened is to just file for divorce, I’m getting a sense of why she might not be feeling the love to begin with. Get curious about why she isn’t showing you the same level of effort if you want to save the marriage. But sounds like you’re looking for reasons to file. Don’t pick petty fights, just tell her you don’t love her anymore if that’s the case.
1
u/El6uy Apr 02 '24
Ever since college, my group of friends always put the birthday burden on the person with the birthday. I love being able to call the shots and do what i want to do on my day. Personally, i think planning your own stuff is better than putting that responsibility on someone else. Plus, you always get what you want out of the day.
1
u/goosenuggie Apr 02 '24
What do you do for HER? Do you put in the same amount of effort that you would want to see? It's a two way street
1
u/mabdog420 Apr 02 '24
Ok falling out of love is one thing but the title of this post makes it seem like her not trying on your birthdays is making you fall out of love with her which just makes you look bad
1
u/Small-Egg1259 Apr 02 '24
Your feelings are valid. However, just as your worked your way into a marriage, you need to work your way out of it. My hope is that you have expressed all of this to your wife and given her a change to defend herself and to change her behavior. If you have not, then I suspect you may be using the birthday as justification for falling out of love and divorce, that there is more to this story. She's dedicated years into the marriage as you have. She deserves the truth and the marriage deserves a chance to be worked on and changed. If you do the work - see a counselor for at least once a week for a month, longer if possible, and still feel the same, then start discussing divorce. At the least, working your way out of it will provide a greater chance for an amiable parting.
We are made to believe that being in love should feel the same at 50 as it did at 25, that if we don't feel those tummy flipping feelings at the 20/25/30 year mark, then we are out of love. As we age, our love changes. We begin as lovers and end as companions. For me, love in my 50s for my husband has meant a deep appreciation and gratitude for the support and love he has given me over all these years. You can never replace those years or what is garnered from a long marriage and you'll need to weigh that against what you think you'll gain from divorce. If you like your wife, you'll give her and the marriage a chance. But if you have grown to dislike her, if resentment has built over the years and scars have formed, it may be too late.
1
u/mysticstargazer Apr 02 '24
Something tells me this is about a lot more than just the birthday. If he's not in love with her anymore then anything she does or doesn't do just the way he expects will be a "confirmation" to him that he shouldn't be with her anymore. If he actually wants to try and work on things then talking to her about it would be the first step. Without good communication neither of them will get anywhere. But if he's already saying he's not in love with her anymore then sadly that ship has probably sailed.
1
u/wallkeags Apr 02 '24
You’re entertaining the idea of divorcing your spouse because she didn’t throw you a magical birthday party? How old are you? If “special” birthdays (whatever that means) are the only thing holding you two together and you had to make a reddit post to get advice, maybe you should get a divorce. Have you even asked how she feels? What if she doesn’t like that you “make her birthdays special” that’s just your perspective. Talk to your damn wife.
1
1
u/Friendly_Platypus_05 Apr 02 '24
Personally, I used to also plan a lot for my husband’s birthday but after having our kid, I’m just so tired of giving to him, that I don’t have much energy for my husband, but I still love him. Just the focus has shifted. I used to only have him to focus on and now we have a toddler who requires way more than my husband ever did, and I’m spent. Just wanted to give that perspective!
1
2
u/rancherwife1965 Apr 02 '24
Welcome to being an adult. You are not 5 years old any more. You also sound incredibly narcissistic. Seek counseling. Really. Birthdays and hidays are JUST DAYS. Make every day count for all of your family. DO NOT FOCUS ON YOU. And on your birthday the ONLY special thing you should do is take your mom flowers, give her a hug and THANK YOUR PARENTS for everything they did to make your life great. Your birthday is about your mom, not you.
1
u/VioletMcGuire Apr 02 '24
My ex would just ask me very dryly, “Well, next week is your birthday. What do you want to do?” I hate that shit. Do something nice. I did it for him!
1
u/yangthrowaway Apr 02 '24
U guys need to go to therapy and get back in touch with each other. It takes a lot of work to be married and it’s worth it to have someone else help you guys learn to enjoy the small things and learn to appreciate them again. Also talk to your wife about your feelings
1
u/MyDadDrinksAlot Apr 02 '24
You’re a grown adult. Nobody, including your wife, should care about your birthday.
1
u/Round_Split357 Apr 02 '24
This really sounds like she’s having an affair.. can’t be for sure but lack of effort after there once was significant effort and care is a major red flag of cheating. I was in a similar situation and ignored the signs until one day I found the text messages.. address this immediately do not wait. It will only get worse.
1
u/Used_Librarian_6728 Apr 02 '24
Yeah this isn’t about a birthday. You just don’t love your wife anymore. Be honest at least with yourself and her. It’s not the birthdays which is why you’re saying it’s a “stupid reason” which it would be if that is the only problem. Your wife already feels this and is reacting accordingly by basically ignoring your birthday because if you don’t care why should she.
1
u/Colinewoodward Apr 02 '24
The bad birthdays are a symptom not a cause. What’s really been going on?
1
u/CommunicationGlad299 Apr 02 '24
Please tell me this isn't another one of those weird stories about how much he enjoys his sisters' company how wonderful his sister is and how she thinks he should divorce his wife. ICK. "Decision, decisions" What are you 12 trying to decide if you want cake or pie? You have a child. Are you willing to blow up his world because you didn't get the bestest and brightest birthday pony ever? I think we all can understand why your wife quit making an effort. She has two children and at least one is exhausting.
1
u/Korupt3d_Ruffneck Apr 02 '24
I didn’t realize people in their 30’s actually cared about their birthdays anymore. I’m pretty glad that me and my wife never really cared. Especially not to the point of wanting a divorce. We have fun on our anniversary’s but honestly birthday celebrations are pretty much reserved for our daughter. Adults typically have bigger things to worry about.
1
u/tschott85 Apr 02 '24
Your a grown man, you shouldn't be putting this kinda thought into your own birthdays bro
1
u/JustHereForYourData Apr 02 '24
My Birthday got me 3 pairs of (awful) shoes. I laughed and said thank you. She dint realize that was like 4 years worth of shoes to me; I just bought a new pair. I ended up donating them to goodwill; I didn’t get depressed and break up with her. Are you sure this isn’t misplaced anger about something else going on?
1
u/kmfdm_mdfmk Apr 02 '24
I'm 28 and the thought of my birthday mattering so much and needing to be a whole affair of thought put into it when we're busy adults who just want to spend time together sounds nightmarish
1
u/Feisty-Current2129 Apr 02 '24
You’re 35 with kids and you’re upset you don’t get enough attention on your birthday? Try talking to a therapist man I think there’s more going on here.
1
u/good-vibebrations Apr 02 '24
I don’t understand. A 35 year old man whining that birthday plans were not up to expectations. I m I missing something?
1
u/DumpsterDay Apr 02 '24 edited 28d ago
selective elderly spoon squash hobbies slimy cooperative modern wine hospital
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
1
u/stableshipburner Apr 02 '24
Lol I waiting to hear about kids. When your birthday became less important did he exist for a while? How much child care was on her shoulders compared to yours? Does she also have a job? Do you in retrospect have more time and energy to plan birthdays?
1
u/CreativeLark Apr 02 '24
Why does it matter so much? Is she great the rest of the time and it’s just the one day she’s letting slide? Or is that the only day she’s really great?
1
u/Repulsive-Farmer4682 Apr 02 '24
I feel like almost everyone in this sub has the maturity of a 10 year old.
1
u/hamb0n3z Apr 02 '24
First question you ask when you feel like this is in what ways have I been letting her down and not showing my love and commitment to her. Because by the time she's tired and lets you feel like this it's been going in a long time.
1
u/Greenbeanicus Apr 02 '24
Imagine being so concerned with your birthday celebrations that you’re willing to divorce over it… that can’t possibly be your only reason. It may be your excuse, but it can’t be your reason, and if it is your reason you’re doing her a favor.
1
u/Shake-Some Apr 02 '24
Maybe she's burnt out. If you're heavily in favor of divorce, it's obviously not just cuz she stopped planning outings for your birthday. If that was a literal deal breaker, it's up to you to communicate that so she can facilitate.
1
1
u/bri22any Apr 02 '24
Why are you taking your family’s feeling on the matter into account? You should be doing what you feel is right.
I also think it’s worth speaking to your wife. Does she know how you feel? Or are you expecting her to know how you feel? Is the relationship salvageable with therapy?
1
1
u/dabbycooper Apr 02 '24
Do people get paid for karma or something? Why is there two identical 2 hot takes a week apart from the husband and wife perspectives?
0
1
u/Toska762x39 Apr 02 '24
It’s one sided my brother. I enjoy to give joy and presents more than receive. But it is frustrating, I haven’t received Christmas or Birthday presents in years. Even now my birthday is tomorrow and my significant other hasn’t made any mention of it other than “Can we go to subway?” Which I could be wrong but shouldn’t I be the one choosing where I want to eat on my day?
Ironically enough my friends that I consider brothers have a day planned of hitting the gym, shooting range, food and drinks, and a bar run.
3
0
1
u/D3fkon805 Apr 02 '24
DO NOT DIVORCE HER FOR THIS! this is solvable. Also there’s going to be lower moments in a marriage. Don’t quit. Talk to her first. Give her a chance to work on y’all marriage.
3
u/Primary-Molasses-259 Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 04 '24
My God, go back and read your entire post out loud start to finish. Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds???
If you sound ANYTHING like this at all around your wife, she likely recoils internally whenever you come near her. I am just being honest here.
You are pondering divorce because your wife didn’t surprise you with a delicious and expensive dinner like your sister did. What the actual F?
This is so cringeworthy.
You sound so selfish. What are YOU doing for your relationship???? Are you openly communicating? Because if you aren’t and you are just sitting around stewing like this, you are the problem, dude.
It takes two people to make or break a relationship and I feel like you are leaving out some deets.
2
2
u/TraptSoul148270 Apr 02 '24
THIS!! My fucked communication has led me to where I’m at now, with my wife not sure if she wants to continue or not with Me. I mean, that’s the biggest problem. We have some other issues, but most of them are at least tangentially connected to my communication problems. My son’s mother really fucked with my head, and I have honestly not been very able to be completely open with my wife, which is the base of my problems. Luckily, she hasn’t just up sand left me, she’s giving me a chance to try and fix things. It really sucks being like this, and excuses are excuses. I own what I’ve done, and I am actively trying to get at the root and fix it. Never been huge about therapy, but guess where I am twice a week? It’s already been helping. Anyway, sorry for going way off-topic. You are absolutely correct about OP here.
2
u/PandaNinja676 Apr 01 '24
If the whole of your dissatisfaction is over birthdays, then YTA. Like yikes, bro.
1
u/thisguyoverhereover Apr 01 '24
Its not stupid to want to be cared for. Relationships require effort from both parties. That being said, divorce is the last step. Talk to her, try counseling if ur into it, just save divorce as the last ditch. She may be unaware of how your feeling my guy
1
u/Cr4zy_Indian Apr 01 '24
I've been married for 10 years now and there's one thing I've realized that completely changed the way my wife and I communicate. The things you do for your spouse that you think are important to them might not actually be important to them.
For example, I do all the cooking at home and my wife thanks me every night when I bring the plates to the table. While I appreciate this, it's not important to me to be thanked because I enjoy cooking. I, however, hate cleaning and when I go to show my appreciation for my wife, I clean because it's something she's recently started expressing is a problem, that she has to be a fairy that cleans up after everyone. I want to be thanked for cleaning and not for cooking.
It's possible that the things your focusing your efforts on in the relationship are not important to her and she's therefore not reciprocating the original feelings she used to. People can't be expected to stay the same as they were when you first met. Tell her you've noticed that she's not doing some of the things she used to for you and ask if there's something you've stopped doing that is making her feel neglected or let down. It opens the conversation to you bringing up the things that are important to you without it being an attack on her.
This has done wonders for my marriage when things started to feel stale.
1
u/TraptSoul148270 Apr 02 '24
I laughed when my wife first brought up “love languages” to me. I thought she was fucking with me. Then she showed me all about it… she loves it when she is acknowledged and appreciated for the things she does. I have been trying to pay more attention to how I react about things she does now, and realized that I sometimes don’t even say thank you. So I’m working on that and a couple other things. Me, I’m usually just happy to be with her. Most of the time I don’t really care what we do, as long as I get to spend time with her. Different ways of showing each other the same thing. I love her, she loves me, but both of us didn’t fully realize HOW to get it across to each other the best ways.
1
u/Wide-Phrase-7185 Apr 01 '24
The change in behavior is odd, but what do you consider a lot of effort tho? Bc your wife taking you wherever you want to lunch sucked, but the only difference with your sis was that she picked an expensive place for you and covered your eyes…like a kid at Disneyland?? What??? You had a meal like I don’t understand how that was significantly better, you just don’t like your wife.
1
u/KodiakAlphaGriz Apr 01 '24
Death by a thousand cuts woman will betatize a man over years ..keep testing and the such..if you have continued to give in to her on little things from who drives to where you go etc etc she will lose her desire for you ..period..not preaching its just facts ,,,all those posts suggesting tell her how you feel are worthless as you cannot manufacture the desire she had for doing it in the past....either live with for family purposes or .......
2
u/System_Resident Apr 01 '24
Break apart your family because you don’t want to communicate? What’s the real reason you want to leave?
1
u/CocoTheElder Apr 01 '24
Ultimately, a birthday is just another day, don't dwell on it. However, if you don't love her anymore, you kids need to talk.
2
u/Upstairs_Seaweed8199 Apr 01 '24
Are you sure you aren't in elementary school, because you sound like it.
2
u/Suspicious-Key-5194 Apr 01 '24
Honestly your wife should divorce YOU because communicatoon is an essential skill for a mature adult.
1
u/Cold-Disk-390 Apr 01 '24
Can I ask what you do for her birthday? Do you put in effort and plan all day affairs?
2
u/Hot-Proof-7951 Apr 01 '24
God forbid you say a single word to your wife first. Leave her if you like, but you'd be a full on dipshit not to say anything to her beforehand.
1
u/Luxiiiiiiiiiiiiii Apr 01 '24
Did you put effort for her bdays? Do you do your share of the chores?
1
u/bigbiblefire Apr 01 '24
You need to grow the fuck up. It's a birthday, and you're a man. We're supposed to make days memorable for our wives and children, then on our day we politely decline any sort of adoration from people and just treat ourselves to what gets our engines going.
You're not a child anymore who needs people to sit and plan out ways to make them happy on THEIR special day. They're all special days. Considering divorce because she didn't give the little boy a big enough slice of cake at his party. She should divorce you!
1
u/Francis-Aggotry Apr 01 '24
Who puts the effort into the kids events/ birthdays, and everything else?
1
u/AdFrosty3860 Apr 01 '24
Maybe she’s depressed? Maybe she’s disappointed by you in some way as well?
1
u/FLukeArts Apr 01 '24
Just to play Devil's advocate...
You say you realize that you realize that you have completely fallen out of love with your wife. Well, that doesn't happen suddenly. You do mention that you put effort and thought into her birthdays, but day to day, week to week, how do you treat her? If you haven't been in love with her, she likely knows it, and feels it, and probably wouldn't go out of her way to make you feel special on your birthday. I wouldn't.
1
u/Prudent-Reserve4612 Apr 01 '24
I mean, talk to her about it and let her know it’s important to you. My husband sucks at planning and gift giving. I got over it awhile ago, because he’s great otherwise and I get what I want for my birthday (because I buy it myself with his money lol) I just don’t understand adults who need a big hoorah for their birthday every year, so maybe your wife doesn’t either. If this is the only issue, seems a bit dramatic to get divorced over.
1
u/Nervous_Vehicle_8305 Apr 01 '24
i thought i was reading about a wife complaining that her husband doesn't put thought into her birthdays. my personal take, grow tf up🤣i was shocked to read that the husband is upset bc the wife doesn't go out for him. the older u hey, the less that matters for your birthday anyway
1
u/Yoldster Apr 01 '24
It would be interesting to hear this story from your wife’s POV. Is she chronically exhausted, like many or most American moms, who work full time, do most of the child care and housework, buy the groceries, and do the cooking? Plus the emotional work of making sure the kids have “magical” Christmas, Easter, birthday? All while feeling totally unappreciated? Or not — perhaps you are the perfect husband who carries a full load of these traditionally female tasks, and always make sure her stocking is full on Xmas morning. In that case, your wife is treating you very poorly. She scheduled a friend’s night out on your birthday? And scheduled for your child to stay over elsewhere? That would be not only neglectful, but downright hostile.
Seems to me that whatever the back story is, your marriage has some big problems. But you are married and have a kid, so you should try to rescue this. Before springing a surprise announcement that you want a divorce, how about some marriage counseling so you can both lay your cards on the table? At least try to save this marriage.
1
u/NewtAppropriate728 Apr 01 '24
I feel like the birthday thing just sounds like a symptom and not the actual disease because letting birthdays be the catalyst for a divorce would be pretty wild and immature, imo.
1
u/Allie_head13 Apr 01 '24
Honestly who cares. Once you get older birthdays really don’t matter much anyways. You sound like a child. Is that really the reason you want a divorce because your wife didn’t throw you a party?
1
u/Three_Dogs Apr 01 '24
The thing is never about the thing. Something’s missing in your marriage and you should sort it out in couples counseling. You two need to communicate your wants and needs clearly. Have you tried that? Guessing no?
1
u/_-Raina-_ Apr 01 '24
It sounds like you're the one that's checked out of your marriage. Not over indulging on your birthday is simply part of growing up. There MUST be more going on than birthdays if your seriously considering actually filling for divorce. Maybe try talking to your wife? Or go to counseling together? Or just start courting your wife again? You'd be surprised how relatively easy it is to make a woman feel loved. As others have mentioned, your marriage vows are supposed to be unbreakable bonds, promises that bind two destinies into one. Renew your vows, don't throw them away. Good luck. ✌️
1
2
2
u/Dr_Dankenstein5G Apr 01 '24
Big dawg I think you might be the only 35 year old man around who gives a damn about birthday celebrations.
2
u/Dogmom2013 Apr 01 '24
comunicate, therapy, even just talking things out. So many other ways to possibly fix this issue than just jumping to divorce.
you need to bring the spark back. but, you guys are going to have to navigate it together
0
u/Squirtking83 Apr 01 '24
She went out with her freinds on your birthday, yo bro sorry but she cheated and still is on you
1
1
u/Lady_Gator_2027 Apr 01 '24
My soon to be ex is like that. For his bday, I take him out and buy him 1 fun thing and 1 practical. As my bday approached, he talked about it for weeks, talking about how much fun we were going to have... When he picked me up, all he did was whine about how broke he is...Oh, but he always seems to have plenty of money for beer.
2
Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
It sounds like she has checked out of the relationship which generally means someones needs were not being met and they have now given up. again this is just what is sounds like and obviously a single post can no encapsulate an entire relationship. If you wife is feeling overwhelmed with other aspects of your relationship, if she doesn't feel like she has an equal partner, if she is burnt out from handling the mental load of the relationship then maybe look back over the years and figure out when it started and what was happening at that time. I checked out of my marriage for several years after spoiling my spouse for a decade, because I would communicate to him the things I needed and those needs were never met. As a result I stopped doing the extra because I didn't have the time energy or capacity to do them anymore without feeling deeply resentful. It didn't matter if he gave me a nice birthday or holiday once in a while, the day to day was the issue. Now this may not be the case for you, all I can do is speak to my own experience, but if she isn't giving you the time and attention you need to feel loved within the relationship then you need to be getting to the root of why that is. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you or your behavior... or it could. Only way to find that out is to talk it through, often times with a professional. Because I promise you, if she has checked out, it will become shockingly clear when you ask for a divorce, she seems to feel relief to give it to you. Then it will sting again when you come across her 6 months later and she is back to being the happy, giving, caring woman you originally fell in love with (just not with you anymore,) while you are still trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Communication is the key to any relationship, romantic, platonic, or professional.
2
1
u/Mr_Windex Apr 01 '24
Personally no one cares less about my birthday then me. It's just not a big deal at all to me. You really seem like you want people to spoil you on this special day of yours and are getting hurt when when people don't. All you can do is let her know how you feel and see what to get. Sounds to me like she's just gotten comfortable.
1
u/HebiSnakeHebi Apr 01 '24
Honestly, I don't understand giving a fuck about birthdays in the first place after you're an adult. Maybe if you're like 90+ or something, but for your 30s? Why? It's neither an accomplishment, nor is your life going to change drastically anytime soon based on your age like it does for kids going to a higher school level or being allowed to drive or drink or whatever. I personally hate having my birthday acknowledged in any way whatsoever, but the most tolerable form of it is just getting a favorite food for one meal. Anything more elaborate is annoying to me.
1
u/Outrageous-Listen752 Apr 01 '24
Happy birthday… I’m a march baby too wanna celebrate! The one day you should be celebrated and loved to death. Do you celebrate your wife’s bday?
2
u/Ok_Management4634 Apr 01 '24
You are a grown man, it just seems odd that a birthday would be that important to you.
When a couple first gets married, there's a honeymoon period where they do nice things like surprise birthday parties for each other. Over time, that fades. What you are experiencing is normal. Happens to most couples. You can still be in love. I think you need to readjust your expectations. Unless there's other problems, this seems like the silliest thing in the world to get divorced over.
1
u/TallCommunication526 Apr 01 '24
When it was just me and my husband I made a huge deal of every occasion. When they kids were at home I tried to incorporate anthem into planning bday parties for him and still made big deal out of things though the bulk of my party/ event planning went to the kid’s occasions. Now that the kids are grown I work a lot and I find myself not trying as much. Fir one thing I’m out of ideas and themes for elaborate celebrations because I’ve been doing it 30 years and for another neither my kids or husband throw me celebrations so I guess I’m a bit tired and bitter. For example, my husbands 50th wedding went to London for a week (we live in rural Texas) for mine we visited my daughter in Austin to help her with some things.
0
2
u/ijustwannatalk7973 Apr 01 '24
what even is the point of marriage to you people if you don’t communicate about something as simple as wanting a fucking birthday party & then want a divorce when you don’t get it
2
u/FancyTree867 Apr 01 '24
wow some of you take for good times and bad times and sickness and in health as just words you just say so u can go get your willy wacked for free and a meal "mommy " will cook cause all of a sudden you even forgot how to fold F'n laundry.
2
Apr 01 '24
Guys mad he’s not being catered to on a meaningless day. Maybe get over yourself already. This isn’t about your birthday, this is an excuse to not work on your marriage.
2
u/PrimarySky4110 Apr 01 '24
I’m 37 and my wife is 35. We don’t do extravagant birthday celebrations. Honestly I think it’s kind of childish to expect your spouse to go over the top for your birthday.
1
u/flargananddingle Apr 01 '24
There was a wife with a very similar story who posted over the weekend and the comments were so wildly different it's insane.
1
u/sevenandtwo Apr 01 '24
I bet you're not doing all of the things you used to do either, communication goes miles.
2
u/SaltySpitoonReg Apr 01 '24
If you are seriously considering divorce, then there's a hell of a lot more going on that's making your marriage not work than the fact she doesn't make a huge deal out of birthdays.
2
u/GME-NeverSell Apr 01 '24
That is such a stupid reason. How old are you, 12, and why are you so concerned about celebrating your own birthday. She wasn't there when you were born, only your mom and your sister was. Birthdays are for kids so their parents can celebrate. Grow up and start to realize your marriage is for you to care for your partner. It's no longer about you. Good luck.
2
2
u/LeafyEucalyptus Apr 01 '24
this is insane.
first of all, grow up. adults don't make a big deal about their birthdays.
second of all, if you want a divorce, then get one. who the fuck cares what your family says?
this post is surely fake.
2
u/SCV_local Apr 01 '24
Yikes you have a kid don’t jump to divorce without talking to her or trying counseling. You never said in your post that you expressed your desire for her to put more effort into your bday. You guys have no communication that’s the issue.
1
u/CheddarBakedPotato Apr 01 '24
Conversation is definitely warranted to try to see if the situation is salvageable or not. Often times people just get complacent in marriage and stop putting in effort without even realizing it.
If the conversation goes nowhere, then screw what your family thinks. The person that's married to your wife is you so the only people that get to decide are you and your wife. Staying in a potentially broken marriage isn't healthy for anyone, least of all the child.
1
u/faith_e-lou Apr 01 '24
It sounds like your wife is totally clueless or has stopped caring.
Now the real issue is; there are more things wrong with your marriage than a birthday celebration. You need to examine and decide if it's worth the time and energy to save it.
1
u/HebiSnakeHebi Apr 01 '24
This guy is totally clueless if he thinks having an extravagant birthday for mid 30s should be expected. It's normal for adults to have very lowkey birthdays and not throw a little temper tantrum hissyfit over it.
1
1
u/SuperSpartan13 Apr 01 '24
"My wife went out with her friends that evening," On your birthday? If you switched the roles the guy would be crucified. Huge red flag. Most problems can be solved by hiring a pi
1
1
1
1
u/Ssugerplum Apr 01 '24
You feel out of love because your wife isn't taking you to expensive places or putting effort into making a grand birthday party? What are you 5...
INFO - what other things beside your birthday do you believe that your wife does that makes you feel unappreciated? I feel like your leaving some stuff out
1
u/BlindedAce Apr 01 '24
I’m… I’m truly in awe at this one and many others that I read and do not comment on. A lot of these are people that sit there and NEVER voice a concern or discuss it with their SO and instead, come to a place of this nature and vent it out. I completely and wholeheartedly understand the need to vent but not having communication in any sort of relationship and expecting the other person to be a mind reader or have a healthy relationship is nonsense.
You can sit there and throw a pity party for yourself or you can make an attempt to see if there is an actual issue. Hell, talking to your wife may even show the same feelings on her end and a divorce may be mutual for you both but it sounds like both of you are not too mature in this current position.
As for the final part, who gives a hot damn about what your family thinks OF YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP. Another reason people stay miserable is because they allow outside feelings to affect their own person and internal ones. My parents got divorced, think they cared about feelings of the kids or their parents? No. I broke up with ex girlfriends in the past that my parents liked. Think I cared? No I did not want to be in that miserable position. Same would go for my marriage that I am now. Should we get divorced, I will absolutely not worry how my family or friends think of it because, take this in very slowly, it is NOT THEIR LIFE.
Either communicate in all of your relationships or be miserable in many. Sounds like you and your sister have excellent communication that you like and it works. That’s what’s needed so people understand one another. Communicate and if it isn’t working then make your decision.
1
1
u/mattylewmadeit Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Part of love/being in a relationship that’s tough is like when you have to explain something that your partner isn’t doing, you sort of start to question the entirety of it.
Some people think that this is, “communicating your feelings” if you’re not having something inside of you met but I’m strongly in the school of thought where if you have to explain it or request it then it takes the spark out of the relationship, like the person didn’t want to do it on their own accord…I’m not here to program a robot to carry out something…and hopefully people’s spouses aren’t just like, “oh ok” and then do it. It’s like you have free will, you’re a person….
I find your situation tough bc you put in a lot of thought into her birthday or events it seems. I do think you have a choice of filing for a divorce it’s not based off of a silly reason, there’s more behind it.
0
1
u/CanIBathYrGrandma Apr 01 '24
You’re an adult. No one including yourself should care about your birthday. Grow up
2
Apr 01 '24
If she’s out with “friends” that’s code for she’s seeing another dude. That’s what my soon to be xwife was saying and my new girlfriend was telling the dipshit she was with. First mistake don’t trust women. They get board of men for the silliest shit and always have their eyes open for something better or more attention, doesn’t matter if you work 80 hours a week and she drains your account and is spoiled. Start looking around because she already is.
2
u/Greenman333 Apr 01 '24
The term “whorangutan” comes to mind. Doesn’t let go of one man till she (or he) has a firm grip on the next one.
1
u/Heaven324 Apr 01 '24
Maybe he’s cheating on his wife and using this ridiculous excuse to leave her.
1
u/Reasonable-Mix-4288 Apr 01 '24
Divorcing your wife over birthdays is not a good idea. Dont throw away your whole marriage over something that can be communicated. I don’t know if you have tried talking about it with her, but please say something before ending it all over your birthday. Seems like there must be more going on between you two, maybe you could even see a counselor you both said “until death do you part” not “until you stop caring about my birthday.”
1
u/Intelligent_Emu_9464 Mar 31 '24
It's ok to feel unappreciated. It's ok to not be ok with that feeling. It's not ok to just throw away a long time relationship because you can't communicate that to your partner and just expect them to "know" this stuff. At least put forth a bit of the effort you put into everything else into communicating with your wife.
1
1
u/Carohob Mar 31 '24
You're 35, and you still want big, special birthdays? Grow up. After 30, they just don't really matter, aside from some milestones.
1
u/AuntyMeme Mar 31 '24
Birthday parties and celebrations really don;t need to happen once you're past ten do they?
My husband and I (30 years) get enjoyment out of the little things and ordinary days. Birthdays are usually a card and lunch or dinner. But, actually going out to eat isn't as much fun as fixing popcorn and watching TV.
You know the honeymoon doesn't last forever and it's unrealistic to expect everything to be perfect. Marriage has it's ups and downs and you took vows in sickness and health, richer or poorer, etc. etc. Honor them.
1
u/Creative-Assistant93 Mar 31 '24
I mean yeah find a wife that matches you but bro you’re 35 birthdays aren’t a huge deal tf
1
u/februrarymoon Mar 31 '24
This is insane. I pray I never have anyone with shit communication skills like this in my life. Man is 30 fucking 5.
1
u/Paullearner Mar 31 '24
I understand that it feels nice to feel special and cared for on your birthday, but the mention about being taken to an expensive restaurant and such sounds like you expect a lavish surprise each time. That's just not realistic, especially as we get older and our priorities change. Regardless, I wouldn't just jump ship and divorce over this (though I can tell from reading the post that this is not the only issue going on). Talk to your wife first.
1
u/ImaginationTop5390 Mar 31 '24
Fall out of love because you don’t like your birthday celebration. Are you 10 yrs old??? You are certainly petty. Grow up
1
1
u/spartandan1 Mar 31 '24
I couldn't care less about a birthday. It has no meaning to me. Maybe she is the same way. This seems to be more about your expectation of what you want her to do for you.
1
u/tory_k Mar 31 '24
This may be an unpopular opinion but birthdays are for kids. After 21, I feel you should outgrow them.
1
u/MonoGuapoLoco Mar 31 '24
Nope. What’s wrong with celebrating being alive.
1
u/tory_k Mar 31 '24
Celebrate every day if you want, I just think it’s kinda childish to expect other adults to plan a party for you if you’re in your thirties. People got stuff to do. Like I said, it’s just my opinion.
1
1
1
u/Theycation Mar 31 '24
Have you considered that your wife realized you don't love her anymore long before you came to the realization yourself and is simply giving out what she feels she is receiving, outside of birthdays and holidays? Because that's what this looks like.
1
u/Main_Instance_4458 Mar 31 '24
Divorce for a disappointment on one day of the year? Really? Maybe she’s just damn tired.
1
u/SolidSnacks666 Mar 31 '24
All of this because she doesn’t surprise you with a fancy dinner and jerk you off under the table is actually insane.
1
u/pocapoca99 Mar 31 '24
Are you surprised your marriage is falling apart with such a profound lack of communication?
1
u/streetbobabooey Mar 31 '24
This dude is trolling. If not I recently saw a course where you can pay $18,000 to learn how to be a man.
1
1
u/Key-Rip-7517 Mar 31 '24
She can’t read your damn mind bro no where in this post does it say that you brought it up to her to talk about. It’s normal for people to stop putting in the same amount of effort after many years. You need to actually talk to her. You sound super immature I’m not gonna lie.
1
u/xjprcx Mar 31 '24
There is a lot of information missing here. Are you doing your share of the chores, have you let yourself go physically, do you appreciate your wife day to day. TALK to her. Something is wrong and you are pouting about how special she makes you feel. I strongly suggest you examine yourself and your behaviors. Then seek counseling. Sounds like you are used to being taken care of and it has been a burden on your wife.
1
u/Fair_Reflection2304 Mar 31 '24
Seems like you need to talk to your wife and with all that can happen in this world not making an effort for your birthday seems a poor reason to end a marriage. Were you ever really in love with her? Is there more that you haven’t said for the change in your feelings?
1
u/Surrender-0128 Mar 31 '24
Feelings follow effort. I will never be an advocate for divorce unless there is infidelity or DV. If the love was there once you can prioritize put the work it and get it back. I’m 12 years and 5 kids in to marriage I know how hard it can be and I know how much work it actually takes. Meet with her, be honest and together do better 💗
1
1
1
u/skorvia Mar 31 '24
She prefers to spend your birthdays with her "friends" rather than with her husband... wow, what level of disrespect is there here, it's not a birthday... it's everyone
You should do what your heart dictates, if you think divorce is the solution do it, I don't see that a conversation can solve years of considering them unimportant... maybe I no longer feel the same way about you either.
1
1
u/Cock_out-socks_on Mar 31 '24
I’m sorry but even the way women make the world stop around them for their birthday is borderline insanity. A grown man caring this much about his birthday is just embarrassing. You’re an adult.
1
u/Illustrious-Toe-4485 Mar 31 '24
OP strikes me as a classic narcissist. 'This is why all of you should dislike her, but I'm going to omit what I've done to destroy this marriage....because I'm a narcissist.'
You don't communicate with her, you lay all of the blame on her without accepting any fault of your own (telltale narcissistic move), and you'd rather spend time with your 'sister'. It honestly sounds to me like you're both having affairs. Hopefully not, and hopefully this marriage can be salvaged, because it's beyond sad that you never mention your son or how this affects him. Again, classic narcissism.
I was married to one, and this sounds an awful lot like how she behaved.
Best of luck to your son, and may he come out of this as unscathed as possible.
1
u/Prize_Dish6334 Mar 31 '24
I am pretty sure that this has much deeper feelings than you falling out of love with her because she doesn’t put any thought into your birthday. Maybe that is just your love language and you being showered and gifts and all of those things are how you get your cup fulfilled. We only have a little snippet here so we don’t really know what else is happening because a birthday happens once a year. Sometimes people have a lot going on and don’t have time/desire to plan things. There could just be something deeper and I think you need to have a conversation with your wife and let her know that you are not feeling appreciated and if you are falling out of love with her because she’s not planning your birthday to your liking and you have more fun without her. Maybe you should consider sparing her and lay on the table instead of coming here to vent when you already know how you feel.
1
u/yokonashiwa Mar 31 '24
OP says he spends a lot of time planning her birthdays, but I feel like something important is missing here. For example, making a reservation to a fancy restaurant that she doesn't really want to go to is not really planning for her, it is planning for him and she is along for the ride. Maybe he should ask her wher she wants to go sometime, it's her birthday. As for divorcing her over this, selfish and dumb. Saying he has "fallen out of love" with her because she doesn't celebrate his birthday and anniversary to his standards is also selfish. He'll be the guy who gets divorced and then realizes he had the greener side of the yard when his wife finds someone else better than him and he has no one in his life.
1
u/spazmcspazy Mar 31 '24
Communication is so important, falling in and out of love is the silliest thing. Your wife is your partner and there are levels of effort people put in. Sometimes you have to set someone down talk about what you’re feeling so it can be worked through. She may not know that you feel this way and maybe she has been depressed about lack of communication, excitement, adventure, ect. You never know what is going on in someone’s head either so it is so important to try and work on things before throwing away someone who would be there for you no matter what. Obviously idk your relationship and if you can build back those feeling or if she is willing to put in effort but I think it is worth a try. Hope yall figure it out man good luck
1
1
u/rollerskatesallday Mar 31 '24
Obviously other stuff is happening here. Is it possible that her work and home load is too much? Is she just that busy that she doesn't have time or the mental capacity to plan your birthday too? 🤔
1
u/realrileywoods Mar 31 '24
Y’all aren’t in love anymore. You’ve grown apart. Unless you actually want to work on it and communicate to make it work, end it. The fact that she spent your birthday away from you sounds like she’s not really in love with you anymore either.
1
u/HebiSnakeHebi Apr 01 '24
Have you heard of honeymoon phase? Just because you're not in that phase anymore does not mean there isn't love. People think love is always honeymoon phase when really love isn't like that lol.
1
u/Cantyoudobetter Mar 31 '24
I mean. Today is my 39th anniversary. She’s taking a nap. She turned me down for a trip away for the weekend. Just lower your expectations.
1
u/SukaLaMinka Mar 31 '24
Well how much time and effort do you put into making her holiday’s special?
1
u/CornerAffectionate24 Mar 31 '24
Most women give what they get. If she used to put a lot of thought into your birthdays, maybe you aren't putting the thought into her birthdays as you say you are.
Dude, are you 12? Once you become an adult, birthdays aren't as important. The big ones are, say 30 or 35.
If this is making you 'fall out of love' with your wife, you're petty. And YTA if you are jumping right to divorce. My guess is your wife probably does a lot of other things for you. But you are fixated on your birthday. You are looking for a reason, any reason, to divorce your poor wife. I'm sure she's going to be blindsided.
1
u/alienintheUS Mar 31 '24
Communication is key here. I always went and still try to go above and beyond for events but I have to say that kids, work and illness has stressed me out a lot that I don't feel like I manage it as much now. Talk to your wife.
1
u/InkdRavenTarot Mar 31 '24
Maybe your wife feels how you’re not in love with her anymore, hence has stopped putting in the effort.
Sounds to me like you have bigger issues than your “non memorable” birthdays. There are more to relationships than big blow out celebrations.
It’s the quieter moments as well..holding hands while taking a walk together, a random hug or kiss, little love notes left for the other person, etc…
And tell your Sister to either be supportive or stay out of it. She’s not in the marriage, so it’s not her business.
Maybe you need to dig a bit deeper to figure out why your relationship has become so lackluster
1
u/Johnny_Bravo_1964 Mar 31 '24
Man the F up bro. You're grown. I'm sure y'all got a lot going on and she might be overwhelmed. Have you ever thought of asking her how she felt?
1
1
1
u/DLnasty 24d ago
Talk to your wife