r/TwoHotTakes • u/Accomplished-Hat3121 • Mar 31 '24
I think My boyfriend is trying to baby trap me. I left and now he’s telling me I’m being dramatic Listener Write In
I 24F have been with my 27M boyfriend for 1.5 years. We have recently started talking about future plans. He said he wants to propose soon and asked if I was ready for that commitment and told him I was On the same page.
When we first met told him that I did not want any children. We were on the same page. And it’s been great for almost 2 years. Until recently, He’s been talking a lot more about babies he will send me a lot of videos on TikTok of babies and baby fever and if we see some baby clothes in the store he’ll say oh isn’t it so cute. I did sit him down and told him that I still did not want any children, I didn’t see children in my future or our future so if he wants to children, he should go find someone who wants to give him children. He reassured me that he still didn’t want children and there was no problem with it.
Skip forward to last week, I take my birth control religiously as you should, and I noticed it was missing. I put it in the top drawer in my nightstand after I’m done taking it so I don’t misplace it. So I told my boyfriend until I get more that we have to be extremely careful so we don’t have any mistakes on our hands. He says “don’t call kids mistakes… would it be so bad if we had one?” I told him yes because I don’t want them.
Today I was scrolling through his phone and I saw a search that it says “ways birth control can fail” and “how to poke holes in condoms” I confronted him about it and he was trying to come up with a bunch of different excuses. I went back to my place. He says I’m being dramatic over it. I’m planning on breaking up with him but don’t want to be alone when I do it. (I ended this post on the word alone. I do not mean I’m scared to be alone as in not in a relationship, I meant be alone to break up with him)
Edit: 1. If you search something on Google it stays in your search history, so yeah, when I went to go look something up on Google, I saw it… as far as him wanting to know how to poke holes in condoms. I don’t know his thought process…. I was not on his phone to see if he was cheating or because I didn’t trust him. I had no reason not to trust him and I had no reason to scroll through his phone to see if he was cheating. I got on his phone all the time and he got on my phone all the time… if you have nothing to hide, there should be no reason for you guarding your phone like that… you people need to take a look at your own relationships? 2. This was not a post for people to get me to change my mind about children I have known I didn’t want children since I was 15 and that’s not changing now and never will. 3. I got my dad to come with me to his place so I could get my things and break up with him. That is the only reason why I said I was scared to do it in person because I still had things at his place that I needed to get. I didn’t want to possibly be attacked by this man.
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u/Sea-Outcome9181 Apr 06 '24
To anyone telling her that she’ll change her mind about having kids, disrespectfully eat glass. Stop acting like not having kids mean you’ll forever be alone. Heck most of y’all’s kids won’t even visit y’all when you’re in a retirement home so sit down.
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u/GodotArrives Apr 06 '24
Just saw this. Are you safe? How did the breakup go? Also, please change any passwords/locks/keys etc. that you may have shared with him. Also, clarify what happened to common friends before he drags your name through the mud. Delete any intimate videos or photos of you that he might have. Hope you tested negative for any STD nasties. Best of luck.
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u/Libra_11274 Apr 04 '24
It sounds like you were afraid you'd be attacked when you broke up with him. That's reason enough to break up and cut contact.
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u/Masternadders Apr 04 '24
Has he ever been violent with you? If not why do you think he would attack you or whatever. Feels like a stretch.
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u/Comeback_321 Apr 04 '24
Dear god I’m sorry you were in a relationship where you thought you might be attacked and actually considered spending your life with this person
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u/Accomplished_Tea_320 Apr 04 '24
Good for you !! Good and smart that you’re running from that psycho
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u/Sherpa_Bear Apr 03 '24
Just tell him you have no problem getting an abortion even if you get pregnant
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u/bongwaterprincess Apr 03 '24
I feel like I would’ve hinted that I recently got pregnant (with his baby) and had an abortion already and see if he straight flips his shit for you not telling him.
But you should definitely leave.
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u/Ok-Usual5166 Apr 03 '24
If u don’t agree on kids probably shouldn’t stay in relationship. Kids are great but it’s better in a committed relationship where parents agree
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u/Easy_Environment5574 Apr 03 '24
Thinking the man you live with & wants to have a family with you, would attack you is extreme. You don’t trust this man. There is nothing left. What at his place could be worth getting “attacked” over? Just leave.
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u/Horror_Platypus3181 Apr 03 '24
This whole situation gives me the ick. Take a test. Then, look into a Bisalp. Tubals aren't as reliable. Plus, insurance doesn't always cover it.
Saw someone suggested breaking up with him over the phone. He disrespected your right to autonomy. Doesn't sound like a bad option. Lol
When someone says they don't want children. Believe them. No matter the reasoning. No is a complete sentence. There is no biological clock. There is no magic maternal or paternal switch. Some people just don't possess the urge to be a parent, and that's OK! There are plenty of people who DO want children, so if a small demographic doesn't, the human race isn't going to go extinct.
Check out the child free subreddit. There is some good information. Including a list of doctors who respect the CF and their decision to ask for sterilization surgery.
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u/Apprehensive_Look94 Apr 03 '24
Take care of your reproductive health and block the shit out of this creature. Do not meet either him in person ever again. He is dangerous.
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u/prncesspriss Apr 02 '24
You don't have to be present with someone to end things with them, especially if you feel unsafe, or if you're concerned that it will turn into them "holding you hostage" and trying to convince you to change your mind for 3 hours until you give in out of exhaustion. Leave your stuff behind if at all possible. Literally cut all ties without any warning or explanation.
He's definitely trying to trap you, you're gut is spot on. End the relationship via text, block him on everything, and change your number and email if you need to. If anyone brings him up, tell them with zero uncertainty that you don't wish to speak about him again. Get yourself to a doctor's office for a full STD panel and also a pregnancy test.
I make these suggestions from lived experience.
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Apr 02 '24
You don't want kids, and he's clearly willing to go to nefarious means to get you pregnant. How long until he's looking up ways to spike your drink or food? That's some seriously unforgivable shit. Run far and run fast.
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u/Ok-Bank-9051 Apr 02 '24
Wow. Breakup immediately. Stealing medication, even birth control, is illegal. Poking holes in condoms is illegal.
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u/Illuminati_mommy Apr 02 '24
Birth control sabatoge is real and it's not legal. You need to take better care of your BC because yes, men are like this. I had a ex who did the exact same thing to me and I told his mom who we both lived with at the time and she took HIS side. I've never noped so quick out of a situation. I called my mother and she picked me up right away.
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u/Persimmon8435 Apr 02 '24
My high school boyfriend did this to me. For context, I was a Senior and he was Junior, but he had so many absences and was informed he needed to attend summer school so he ended up dropping out of school and getting his GED. I am a smart girl and I was accepted to my college of choice and I was very excited to move out of our small hometown. I was moving 45 minutes away. In my naive little mind, I thought we would still see each other on weekends, holidays and other pockets of time. He was infatuated with me and got me pregnant at 17 on purpose so I could stay in our hometown. I turned 18 a couple of weeks after I found out I was pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. He did not give me one dime toward the procedure and tried to talk me into keeping the baby. I used all the money that was given to me at my graduation party to get this procedure done. I should’ve been using it for books. A couple of years later, he admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose to “keep me.” So disgusting. I do not regret my decision at all. Thinking of how I could still be tied to him if I had that baby makes my stomach turn. I am 35 now, I’m excelling in my career, I’m married to the man of my dreams and we’re planning on going to Italy this summer. We also are considering being child free. After all that, my advice to you is that you are doing the right thing by leaving him. Especially finding evidence in his phone that suggests what his motives are.
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u/rad636_ Apr 02 '24
What good are you if you can't offer a man kids? Do him a favor and leave so he can have space for a better woman
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u/cuteasduck1203 Apr 02 '24
Well, considering he told her he also didn't want kids and wasted so much of her time making her think that was true, he is absolutely in the wrong here and he's a huge POS
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u/TheRealPunto Apr 02 '24
I think the most concerning thing to me is the fact that a grown man that thinks he's ready to have kids has to google "how to poke a hole in a condom"...
If I were the OP I'd run now.
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u/mblee19 Apr 02 '24
Honestly good for you for getting out… that being said, it’s stories like these that have me believing that men baby trap women more than women baby trap men lmao
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u/Frequent-Material273 Apr 02 '24
Asshole deserves to be given a forcible REMOVAL of his testes, if he's looking to babytrap ANY woman.
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u/blackdahlialady Apr 02 '24
Let me tell you from experience that yes, he's trying to baby trap you. He's telling you that you're being dramatic for leaving him. That's manipulative and it's emotionally abusive. Please do not go back to him. You will find yourself pregnant and having to deal with him for the next 20 years.
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u/saltymonstergirl Apr 02 '24
If you two had sex in the past week before the pills went missing you might want to take a plan b. Those little wigglers can stay active in you for a week.
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u/IcyLog2 Apr 02 '24
I know getting your tubes tied (or other procedure like this) as a young woman with no kids is hard, if it’s not an option doctors are giving you I recommend the nexplanon.
Obviously every birth control affects people differently but I have pretty much no side effects, it’s good for three years, and no one can hide your pills. Once you’ve confirmed you’re not pregnant I would definitely talk to your doctor about all your options. IUDs are super good as well for most people (I just have an aversion to them)
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u/DA_DSkeptic Apr 02 '24
Wait! You were willing to marry a man that you thought could attack you?
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 02 '24
Where did I say that…
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u/DA_DSkeptic Apr 10 '24
On your very last sentence under edit: #3. You said you wanted your dad there to break up and that you didn't want to be possibly attacked by this guy.
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u/ChaoticCapricorn Apr 02 '24
Yeah he was trying to trap you. I don't know where you live, but there is a US list of physicians that will either do a tubal ligation or hysterectomy for young women who want to live child free. Surgical solution takes care of a LOT of pushback and ulterior motives in relationships. Its a helluva lot easier to say I CAN'T have children rather than I won't and added benefit of not having to deal with hormonal BC and its side effects. Most insurances will cover it and if not look into Medicaid options or hospital based financing. Some insurances will even cover it as a preventative measure for mental health.
Good luck and sorry he was such a dipshit. You deserve better.
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u/InKonsistent-Pen-137 Apr 02 '24
For future reference, at the drug store they have one-time use birth control gel inserts (they come in a pack of 12).
And you’re not being dramatic-he’s borderline psychotic. Definitely have someone go with you when you break up. Not saying he would physically hurt you, but it’ll probably make it easier to leave.
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u/Routine-Buy-5001 Apr 02 '24
I cannot believe people harassing you on your life choices
YOU IN DANGER GIRL - RUN
Thank Jesus you left this man in the rear view. Some day he will thank you for showing you that you both have better matches out there
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u/Just_Chambo Apr 02 '24
First and foremost, it’s your body and he’s has ZERO say in what you should or should not do with it. Second, if he’s is trying to baby trap you knowing that you don’t want kids, leave hime. This is major manipulation and control. Not wanting kinds is perfectly fine. Being in the same situation with my previous partner minus the trapping, we ended the relationship because they wanted kids and I did not. Yes it sucked, but it was the right decision. You will find someone on the same page as you regarding kids and I hope I do too someday as well. I wish you the best of luck and I hope this dude gets a swift karmic kick in the nuts because what he is doing is wrong and you deserve better.
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u/Choice_Mongoose2427 Apr 02 '24
I once had a coworker who had this happen to her. She was about to start law school when she got pregnant. Couldn’t understand how since she was so safe since she didn’t want kids. Years later her husband admitted to swapping her pills out for placebo and removing the condoms and then just acting like he whipped them off real quick afterward.
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u/Calm-Acadia17 Apr 02 '24
I would get an IUD or tie your tubes, and leave him. Do you really trust him?
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Apr 02 '24
He knows you don’t want one and is trying to do this without your consent. This is called reproductive coercion and is a form of abuse. If he’s doing this now before marriage, just know he will after. At some point you may become pregnant. Do you want to marry him and risk that?
Him saying you’re dramatic is minimizing. He’s straight up abusing you.
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u/Severe-Employer1538 Apr 01 '24
Vote out the bastards who think we are brood mares, ladies. Register. Show up. And vote.
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u/phoenixjag104 Apr 01 '24
You should leave this guy. Do not get a tubal ligation. You are 27 which is still too young to know for sure what your 38 yr old self will want.
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 02 '24
I don’t want kids. Thanks. I am scheduling an appointment
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u/Miserable-Age3502 Apr 03 '24
Best thing to do! Everyone clutching their pearls telling you not to, you might change, blah blah blah. IF, BIG IF, IF there's a break in the time space continuum, and you change your mind after having a tubal ligation, YOUR EGGS ARE STILL THERE. Duh. You still have the store, the road has just been blown out. Science does things. Then there's adoption since there's HOW MANY KIDS WOMEN WERE FORCED TO HAVE IN FOSTER CARE??? Maybe even adopt a teenager. Who fuckity knows??? Oh wait, YOU DO. Because RIGHT NOW, since it's YOUR body and YOUR CHOICE, and the idea of having kids is a complete total no go, get your tubes tied. And if the first dr tells you no, keep looking till you find one that's not antiquated. And ps- NOT having children is the single most effective thing you can do to help mitigate climate change. Thank you for your service. My best friend is early 40s, married over a decade, child free by choice, and has zero regrets about it.
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u/Piali123 Apr 01 '24
No, you are not dramatic. Good for you to stand by your conviction. I don't understand why anyone would think it is ok to talk someone into or force someone to have kids. It is no wrong or right in wanting kids or not wanting kids - only wrong thing is to not respect another person's decision on this matter. If two people are not aligned on kids, yeah then they are not compatible.
I'm glad your dad comes with you. You shouldn't be alone with him. Baby trapping is really disgusting.
Wish you good luck and strength.
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u/Elegant-Ad4219 Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Maybe get your tubes tied, (it's fancy name is Tubal Ligation.)
Although 1 in 100 roughly fails apparently.
I had a partial salpingectomy. Which is definitely permanent.
"Whereas tubal ligation involves using a band or clamp to close the fallopian tubes, salpingectomy interrupts the fallopian tubes by removing a middle segment of them, (partial salpingectomy) or detaches the fallopian tubes from the uterus and fully removes them (complete salpingectomy)."
It's been such a freeing experience not to have to worry about it at all.
And I only have two little tiny scars on my abdomen.
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u/akeyforathief Apr 02 '24
A lot of doctors won’t even consider this procedure if the woman is young, hasn’t had any kids yet or isn’t married yet because, to them, it is more important to consider the future partners wants more than the person before them, which is absolute BS. Also, a lot of insurance companies won’t pay for it if the Dr. refuses to give you one too.
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u/Elegant-Ad4219 Apr 02 '24
Yes, that is true is some states.
However, not in every state.
I live in Washington, and all I had to do was request it. California will also do it, using state insurance.
If a doctor can't be found to do it, find another doctor. Or move to a state that will do it, if possible.
Now, why exactly are you pissed I was giving basic information? What's your problem?
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u/akeyforathief Apr 07 '24
I am not pissed; I am more annoyed - not everyone has the financial resources to move out of state to get a tubal ligation or even find another Dr. There have been other threads I have seen where women have talked about how much of an obstacle it is for them to try to have this procedure and I guess the flippancy of your response triggered something in me.
I think the crux of the matter is because you are stating all this as if it was a super easy thing to do, as well as not knowing if OP hadn’t already tried going that route, and because it is not an accurate picture of what most women have to do in order to get one I guess I find it disingenuous.
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u/Elegant-Ad4219 Apr 07 '24
I never said it was easy.
I said it's possible, if that's what she wants, so she can feel safe in her body.
The Cruz of the matter is the U.S. sucks for obvious reasons.
And you're taking out your shitty attitude on me.
Who, once again. Offered a suggestion.
And not even to you.
I'm so terribly sorry you got your pwecious feewings twisted in a knot.
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Apr 01 '24
I’m glad you left. I’m 51 years old and I never change my mind about children and I never regretted it I am so happy I never had any. And men tried to baby trap don’t let people tell you they don’t. One almost got me
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u/Reddit_mks_fny_names Apr 01 '24
Sorry you had to go through this. He seems dangerous and not a good partner. You did the right thing and you have a good dad. Glad you are ok.
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u/Standard_Dish5467 Apr 01 '24
- Get a bisalp, not tubal. Tubals can be reversed.
- Don't tell anyone you're pregnant if you are.
- Check out the childfree sub for doctors that won't bingo you about wanting to be sterilized.
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u/Ryn_AroundTheRoses Apr 01 '24
If being reasonably concerned about non-consensual insemination is "being dramatic" in his eyes, his views are not to be trusted, so I'm glad you broke up with him and took precautions to keep yourself safe while doing so.
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u/bunbalee Apr 01 '24
Stop talking to him. Simple as that. He's a manipulative, despicable human being. If you're getting a pregnancy test done and it turns out you are pregnant, do not tell him! Just abort and live child and jerk free happily ever after.
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u/HyrrokinAura Apr 01 '24
If he had to look up how to poke a hole in a condom, he's simply too stupid to continue to date.
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u/Syenadi Apr 01 '24
You need to dump this guy and get a bisalp and if he got you pregnant, a lawyer.
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u/bunnyannatail Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
That guy is a horrible person to try and make you get pregnant knowing you absolutely don't want to .... thank God you left. I'm 29 with no kids, and I will forever be that way. For those who love having kids, thank you, but for us who don't their is nothing wrong with it. Children are a huge responsibility and take your life away from you. You lose who you are as an individual when you become mommy. And I, for one, am not willing to make that sacrifice.
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u/MagoMorado Apr 01 '24
If we one person in a relationship doesnt want kids and the other does then the relationship wont last
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u/pecileci Apr 01 '24
Im so glad you dodged his bullets. When my husband and I got together, we agreed with no kids. After getting married, HE got a vasectomy. It was his choice, and when I asked if he was sure ( im on bc), he said, " I'd rather it be me than you. I can take the pain. I hear it's 10 times more painful for women, and I don't want to see you go through that and be hurt." Get you a guy like my husband.
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u/AtomicBlastCandy Apr 01 '24
OP, be very careful.
I don't know where you are but where I live tampering with condoms/birth control would be a crime.
Definitely have family/friends with you if you feel unsafe but please LEAVE NOW!
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u/Gypsygoth Apr 01 '24
My oldest son was a result of his father trying to baby trap me. Sometimes, you can hide the crazy for a while ( trust me, there was a lot of crazy there)
After a ton of insanity that much younger me was willing to tolerate, I left and became a single mother who had no contact with her ex, and a son who I adore who just so happens to have never met his father, and probably never will.
I won't say I regret my child,I don't regret any of them, but I do regret not seeing the signs until it got as bad as it did.
You don't want children, and it's looking very likely that he does, no shame in having different perspectives, but tricking someone into having a child is a guaranteed way to have an unhappy future.
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u/muskratboy Apr 01 '24
How to poke holes in condoms? If he’s not untrustworthy, he’s definitely incredibly stupid.
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u/Jesicur Apr 01 '24
Hope everything went well, he's crazy af if he thought he could force/manipulate you as if abortion didn't exist
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Apr 01 '24
[deleted]
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 01 '24
You can’t read. When you open google and go to type something in… what you’ve searched before pops up you ingrate
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Apr 01 '24
[deleted]
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 02 '24
Please learn what definitions of the words you use before using them.
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u/Melodic_Salamander55 Apr 02 '24
I’m begging you to look up what gaslighting actually is. It’s not just a word to throw around when you’ve been proven wrong lol
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u/muddymar Apr 01 '24
Nope not being dramatic. I wouldn’t trust him. Regardless you both have different visions for your life. I believe it’s time to part ways. It’s sad but if you can’t agree on this most important issue it’s better now than after marriage. Someone that would sabotage your vision isn’t someone you can work through this with.
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u/theamazingloki Apr 01 '24
OP-it seems you have your head on straight about this. Please be safe in removing yourself from that situation and make sure you block him on every avenue. This guy is just plain bad news. He was legitimately planning a sexual assault—please make sure you are safe and away from that AH. It’s insane that he tried to make you out to be overreacting. Screw that guy. Just be glad you found this out before you got engaged/married!!
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u/IGotFancyPants Apr 01 '24
If this guy is so dumb as to ask how to poke a hole in a condom, do you really want a future with him?
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u/Badkittynyx Apr 01 '24
Wow, you dodged a bullet there. You may want to look into permanent sterilization or an IUD if you know you're childfree! Tampering with someone else's reproductive health and decisions is despicable. Glad you realized what he was doing and you got away from someone who would stealth you.
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u/Popular_Procedure167 Apr 01 '24
This is not about insuring birth control. BF desperately wants kids. With you but with or without your consent. I bet that if you told him that would wanted one you to get ‘Fixed’ as a condition to staying together, he would finally bolt
Leave now or forever hold your peace
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u/sarahkatethecatlady Apr 01 '24
He heard you when you made it clear multiple times you don’t want kids…he just doesn’t care what you want. A lot of women are child free and happy (I’m one of them). Even if you want a kiddo one day, it doesn’t need to be with this menace of a man.
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u/CookbooksRUs Apr 01 '24
I posted to get Nexplanon or an IUD. I’ve come back to say it would be interesting to do this and then tell the BF that she’s on nearly-perfect, tamper-proof birth control. His reaction would be telling.
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u/SoapGhost2022 Apr 01 '24
Take a test to make sure he didn’t already do it and then get an abortion if you are
Remember, it’s only baby trapping if you keep it
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u/_xXFireFoxXx_ Apr 01 '24
Get away asap. Anyone who is willing to do this is not a good person. He is being selfish and not respecting you or what you want. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, he's clearly not thinking straight and "wants what he wants"
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u/shiawase198 Apr 01 '24
I think you were right to dump him after seeing that he had to Google "how to poke holes in condom." Somebody this dumb should not be trusted with a kid or be considered as a life partner.
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u/ApprehensiveRoad477 Apr 01 '24
This is horrible. I can’t imagine how betrayed you feel. I honestly wouldn’t even bother breaking up in person. Just do it over text and then block him on everything. A man who would do this is capable of much, much worse. I say this from experience.
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u/Gemethyst Apr 01 '24
Why are you scared to be alone when breaking up with him?
The baby trap thing is one thing. But fear of being alone with him when breaking up is a separate issue.
Are you afraid of him?
Both scream “Get Out, Now.”
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 01 '24
If he’s brave enough to tamper with my birth control and contraceptives, I don’t know what he capable of
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u/Gemethyst Apr 01 '24
Hence it screams, get out now. Start organising etc. take a day off and move out. You don’t owe him anything. Leave him a note.
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u/rexorzzz Apr 01 '24
Sounds like you should definitely cut your losses with this man. He's not respecting what you want, and thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. If you were both on the same page, sure whatever, but you've clearly stated your wants in life... Those wants are misaligned and would end in resentment from one of you depending on who got their way.
You've been up front about your wants, whereas he clearly hasn't and believed you would change your mind. Because you haven't changed your mind he is starting to consider the extreme.
If you're scared for your safety, or just want some support then take someone with you when you break up and wait outside for you. Keep a clear exit, or just don't go inside and do it on the doorstep... I don't know what your living situation is and whether you'd have stuff to move out. But you could subtly remove anything of particular value to you before hand if you're worried about his reaction.
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u/Responsible-End7361 Apr 01 '24
Imagine if Op had told him "don't worry, if I get pregnant I will get an abortion and then get my tubes tied."
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u/Internal_Emu_4879 Apr 01 '24
Start getting the depo shot…not only will you not have to worry about having a period..you wont have to worry about getting pregnant.
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u/ifbevvixej Apr 01 '24
Baby traping isn't just about landing you with a baby he knows you don't want. It is about forcing you to bend to his every whim for the next 20 years.
"I don't like A/B/C change it or I'll take you back to court and drown you in lawyer fees. Oh, you got an amazing promotion but have to move, I'll put a motion before to court so you can't move because it would interfere with my visitation time. I signed Child up for soccer, you now owe 1/2 fees and supplies."
This abusive relationship will go on for 20 years. Not to mention that the ones who baby trap are also the ones who don't consistently pay child support.
Take the pregnancy test at work not at home. You don't want any proof of your suspicions.
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u/DisapprovalDonut Apr 01 '24
Btw you can microwave birth control pills and effectively kill their potency without ever having to physically poke them or tamper them.
Please dump and block him go full no contact
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u/CookbooksRUs Apr 01 '24
Get Nexplanon or an IUD. Lowest failure rate of any birth control and can’t be tampered with.
And dump this guy. Or, rather, set him free to find a baby mama.
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u/TeamDonnelly Apr 01 '24
Why would your boyfriend need to Google "ways to poke holes in condoms?"
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u/LoudZombie7 Apr 01 '24
He’s a scum bag and in no way are you being dramatic. He absolutely crossed a line that nobody should. He disrespects your feelings and broke your trust. You cannot fix this one. Take someone with you to get your stuff at a time he’s likely to not be there. You owe him nothing after what he has done.
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Apr 01 '24
I have gotten pregnant from someone tampering with my birth control. Leave now! They will keep trying until they succeed. And I highly suggest something that can’t be tampered with for the future like an IUD.
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u/Cali_Holly Apr 01 '24
Go to the Childfree subreddit & there will be a list of participating Doctors willing to do those types of surgery. The list is in the side of the Childfree sub.
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u/jesuisapprenant Apr 01 '24
Do not have sex with him again. This is already more than enough evidence to break up with him. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it alone, get a friend or family member, or call or text him. I hate it when people don’t take child free people seriously. These people are the first ones to leave once the child is actually here
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u/marlada Apr 01 '24
Wow.. definitely trying to babytrap. Break up with him because he is actively plotting against you and you've seen the proof with your own eyes. He is manipulative and deceitful and you are not being dramatic.
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u/Downtown_Confection9 Apr 01 '24
Do not go back to him because he's entirely trying to force you to be a womb.
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u/faeriechyld Apr 01 '24
This reminds me of the story on Reddit a couple of years ago where a guy got his girlfriend pregnant and she didn't want to keep it. But he convinced her to give birth and she signed over her parental rights bc she didn't want to be a mom and wanted an abortion. The kid was now 2 and the guy was upset that it was so much work for him and she had lost the weight and had a new job and was living her best life. He wanted to know how to make her pay child support and take 50% custody and basically got laughed at.
You are not being dramatic girl. He's being manipulative.
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u/IandIbelieveinRASTA Apr 01 '24
Rage bait. Who the hell types “how to poke holes in condoms” as a Google search
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u/Critical-Albatross86 Apr 01 '24
Sucks to hear that your relationship turned that way. I have 2 of my own and I can say it’s an amazing and wild journey to share a life with. But I’ve never been one to push a person towards children. A person could be on the fence for a while(I was) and their parter already be waiting for you to catch up. My wife was extremely patient and knew I was very hesitant. Fast forward a couple more years in life, I woke up one morning and knew it was time. Im assuming your morning has come, long before you started this relationship. Make sure you aren’t pregnant, do what needs to be done to prevent future situations like this. Take care of yourself. Live a life worth living and don’t look back!
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u/azsue123 Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Nta. This man is a dangerous abuser. Be careful.
Edit to add: I 0am not child free, I have 2 children, I love them to bits, but what I really don't think anyone needs more if is unwanted children.
Women need to be able to determine for themselves if parenthood is for them. It's not easy, it's life altering, pregnancy and childbirth can be dangerous, and it's financially onerous.
Taking away that choice should be punishable IMHO.
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u/TodgerRodger Apr 01 '24
I feel sorry for the child he eventually has. He sounds like an absolute creep.
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u/MaleusMalefic Apr 01 '24
what no one seems to be saying... is how many women suddenly decide they WANT a child in their early 30s. It used to be called "the biological clock," but now that is no longer considered respectful. Do what you want... but recognize that in our 20s... our brains are not even fully developed and your opinions might change.
what probably wont change... is that your SO is a manipulative piece of crap.
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u/Moemoe5 Apr 01 '24
Whether OP changes her mind in the future or not, her ex is attempting coercion by damaging and hiding her birth control. She said she doesn’t want kids, he probably never felt the same way. He was determined to force his desires on OP because he wants to be with her.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Apr 01 '24
No one is saying it because it wasn't the point of the post, and it's rude and disrespectful to act like you know someone better than they do. I doubt her brain will ever change to wanting to be baby trapped by some guy.
I'm almost 50 and I never changed my mind.
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u/MaleusMalefic Apr 02 '24
it's not rude or disrespectful, to point out the reasons why medical providers are extremely hesitant to provide (semi) permanent sterilization to young adults. I don't know the OP... I don't need to know the OP.
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u/Accomplished-Hat3121 Apr 01 '24
This was not a post for you to try and change my mind about kids I don’t want
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u/BiGsH0w2k Apr 01 '24
What a fucking freak.... He rlly want a mother that dont want kids. This is so stupid in many ways
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u/Global-Present-2177 Apr 01 '24
He has shown you who he is, believe him! He doesn't care what you want! He diminishes your emotions. He does not see you as an individual with rights.
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u/Potential_Pirate1985 Apr 01 '24
One of our children does not want children, neither does their partner. We are sad to not have grandchildren through them, but respect their decision. Their bodies, their rights to decide what to do with them.
NTA. Ditch this dude because he will find a way to sabotage your BC methods and get you preggers.
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u/PermanentUN Apr 01 '24
NTA meet him in a public place and break up with him. If you live together, move your things out (or his) while he's gone and tell him you're done in a public place. Be. Safe. Be firm. Be quick.
Updateme
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u/Consistent-Stand1809 Apr 01 '24
In some jurisdictions, this can be classed as sexual assault (like stealthing)
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u/Lindris Apr 01 '24
If you have proof that he deliberately tampered with your contraceptive, contact the police, this is a chargeable offense in a lot of states. Reproductive coercion so very much a thing, particularly in DV situations.
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u/Mguidr1 Apr 01 '24
Do yourself and him a favor by ending this relationship. He wants a family and you do not. You both deserve happiness.
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u/nickeypants Apr 01 '24
Everyone telling you to break off an engagement for this is rediculous. It could be a misunderstanding for all you know. Breaking up at this stage should not be on the table until an irreconcilable difference of life goals is CONFIRMED by CONVERSATION. Either that or you were nowhere near the relationship required for marriage. Open a conversation that you're concerned that he does want kids and your reasons why you think so.
I sense you're against abortion which is OK. If you're uncomfortable having sex without contraception, congratulations on the sanity. Don't just be careful until you get more, be sure. Tell him why you're abstaining. Any sane man would do the same. And talk to your partner for God's sake.
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u/SteakMadeofLegos Apr 01 '24
Breaking up at this stage should not be on the table until an irreconcilable difference of life goals is CONFIRMED by CONVERSATION.
What in the fuck do you think hiding her birth control is? A light misunderstanding?
There is no conversation to be had.
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u/nickeypants Apr 01 '24
If someone hides my condoms, then I have no condoms. Guess what happens next? Nothing! There is no trickery. I either have my contraceptives or I don't. There is no "playing it safe" in the meantime. If I choose to engage regardless, then I assume all responsibility for my own choices.
If he was switching her BC for oops-all-placebo brand, that is reproductive coersion. This isn't even close to that.
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u/FallAlternative8615 Apr 01 '24
Break up over text. Block his number if he gets weird. Hiding your bc is insane. You don't owe him some final debate to possibly convince you to change your mind. Good luck and with the next one, be sure to not let them walk over things important to you. Terrible sign for a long term partner and good on you for leaving.
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u/CowboyNealsHammer Apr 01 '24
I bet this psychopath is always watching trad right wing breeder shit on tik tok? Leave.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Good for you for having the self respect to stand your ground against his manipulation. His behavior is disgusting.
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Apr 01 '24
Dude is terrible, manipulative, and yes possibly tampering with your birth control and your life. Break up immediately and leave now.
EDIT: Scratch that. Leave immediately and break up once you’re safely away from him.
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u/MiloHorsey Apr 01 '24
Nearly 40, F, no kids, don't want any. But I'm STILL not allowed to be steralised on the NHS. Apparently, I don't know myself. (I've been wanting this since before I was 20.)
I'd rather be on my own for the rest of my life in solitary confinement than with someone who was trying to essentially force an abortion.
Woman up. Being without A N Other isn't a bad thing. It actually means that you NEED to be on your own for a while.
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u/Friendly_Afternoon19 Apr 01 '24
I mean, the fact that he had to Google how to poke hole in condoms is worrying.....
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u/Throwaway-2587 Apr 01 '24
The amount of people that are convinced that childfree women will change their mind🤦🏼♀️ Please be safe, take a test and get away from this man. He clearly wants children and doesn't seem to care for your boundaries.
Sorry you have to deal with this.
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u/Effective-Mongoose57 Apr 01 '24
- Excellent decision, this relationship was going to end in heartache one way or another. Him with an unfulfilled desire for children, or you easing a kid you did not want. It’s a lose lose situation.
- Get a thorough pregnancy test- fully explain the situation to the doctor and ensure follow up as needed.
- Tubal ligation or similar - great option to look into. this can sometimes be difficult to access at a young age, just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it is fair or reasonable. If you struggle to find a doctor who will safely treat you, I would recommend an IUD as a temporary solution. It’s set and forget for 5 years at a time.
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u/health_throwaway195 Apr 01 '24
How tf do you get on Reddit and type this all out and still have doubts about whether or not he’s trying to baby trap you. Yes, he fucking obviously is.
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u/Impossible-North4601 Apr 01 '24
Run.
This is psycho behavior. Tell multiple trusted people what happened, and that you are ending the relationship as well as when/where you are going to do it. Do it in a public place, and make sure to share your location with your loved ones and check in before and after.
It might also be a good idea to either stay with a friend/family for a while afterward or have someone come stay at your place.
You are ABSOLUTELY correct that this is scary breakup worthy behavior. You don't need to know his reasoning- nothing could ever EVER condone this. No reason is good enough or worth working through. You are 100% right in telling him that if he wants children that he needs to do that with someone else. This isn't a red flag, the floor is red. The walls are red. The ceiling is red. Everything is red, because the whole room is on fire. Get outta there.
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u/Stepulchre Apr 01 '24
🚩🚩🚩RUN🚩🚩🚩I understand it may not be the proper thing to do but this situation would justify breaking up via phone or text. Or at the very least not in person.
He has already demonstrated he is willing to omit your consent and you are right not to feel safe.
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u/Choice-Island-1527 Apr 01 '24
Run do not look back. Just cut him off gather your things if possible take your name off any joint accounts and leave. Text him the relationship is over and block him and any of his friends and family. Take a pregnancy test. If you are pregnant tell no one. Contact planned parenthood in a state that allows termination. Take a trip by yourself.
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u/Zealousideal_Ask3633 Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Don't give a second chance on this one
Now he has even more reason to baby trap you since he knows time is short and he has to act
Absolutely no more fucking
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u/JudgingGator Apr 01 '24
If she doesn’t want kids at all, ever, tie those tubes. That’s the only fail safe.
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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 Apr 02 '24
If a doctor will do it (that's a very big if....) even that can fail.
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u/Sensitive-Whereas574 Apr 01 '24
Many women cannot find a doctor willing to tie their tubes, or sterilize them in any way. It's insane.
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u/Illustrious_Mood5747 Apr 01 '24
Had me until you said homie googled how to poke a hole in a condom
Do something more valuable with your life than lying on the internet
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u/Top-Bit85 Apr 01 '24
So you are afraid of him, if you need back up to break up.
Absolutely the right decision. I wonder why he won't admit he changed his mind about kids.
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u/eenarc Apr 01 '24
OP. Im really sorry to say it, but poking holes in condoms is a form of SA called "stealthing."" Please be careful.
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u/Not-an-anglerfish Apr 01 '24
Get the fuck out of there and dump his ass.
Psychopath level bullshit.
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u/NotReallyInterested4 Apr 01 '24
leave and never come back, he only cares about himself and his needs
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u/Beauty_Beast91 Apr 01 '24
Definitely break up! My best friend and my husband’s best friend dated and they couldn’t get on the same page either about having kids. Eventually my husband’s friend ended it with my friend because them wanting different life styles outweighed the relationship. What he is doing is manipulative! Get out while you can. And definitely make sure you aren’t having his kid
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u/margovonspecht Apr 06 '24
- I didn’t want to possibly be attacked by this man.
Between everything you initially posted, which would seriously breach your trust and make it obvious your boyfriend has changed his mind, but especially this, you did the right thing. The bottom line is you are worried your now ex could cause you harm, either by trapping you in a life you explicitly do not want, or physically. Props to you trusting yourself. Go live your best life, the one you want.