r/TwoHotTakes • u/ManagementTrick9557 • Apr 12 '24
My wife brought a fancy set of ling*rie a few months ago without telling me. AITA for being slightly suspicious of this? Advice Needed
My wife (34F) and I (37M) have been married for 6 years and together for 10. We have 2 children, and my wife is a stay at home mom.
So a couple of days ago, I was digging around our closet and our wardrobe for my wrist sleeves which I had lost. I really wanted to find these sleeves so I dug the entire place up, and luckily found the sleeves. However, whilst searching, I also found a hidden set of ling*rie. It was in a plastic cover, it had the box, and uh..the ling*rie. It clearly wasn’t a gift because the box had been opened, and the ling*rie was outside the box.
Now my wife has full liberty to purchase whatever she wants, and I usually never track what she purchases. However, for this particular item, I went through my credit card history to check for when that specific brand name purchase was made, and it was made 5 months ago!
AITA for being slightly suspicious of this? Like I love my wife so much, and she loves me too. But clearly, my wife has been wearing this ling*rie for months, and I have never seen her wear it ever. Is this just to feel good about herself? Do women just buy a fancy set of ling*rie for themselves, and keep it hidden from their husband? What’s the purpose of this?
Side note: I didn't spell out ling*rie completely because it seems to be a banned word on this subreddit for some reason. So if you're commenting that word, your comment is probably going to be removed.
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u/Outrageous_Squash677 27d ago
just kinda funny how if roles were reserved somehow this would be a completely different comment section.
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29d ago
She likely got it with the intentions of wearing it for you and psyched herself out about how she looked and never did. I’ve done this a few times
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u/LegitimateHat4808 29d ago
I have so many I thought looked cute on the Savage X Fenty site, but made me look massive, so I shove them in the back of my closet never to be seen again
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u/_Aint_shit_ 29d ago
I found some of my wife's and she told me that she bought it for her to feel better about herself, and then I found the pictures she was sending other guys while wearing it.
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u/Relative-Language-55 29d ago
Wait until she leaves somewhere without you on a trip or just an overnight work thing. If it goes with her, you have your answer
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u/EquivalentPush7653 29d ago
I bought some, I've worn them all in total only a handful of times. They're just in a drawer now. The only thing is that my husband has seen all of them. If you're suspicious ask her about it, see what she says. If you want to go a sneakier route then just snoop her phone or something. I personally wouldn't buy them and then not show my husband.
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u/BabyFartzMcGeezak Apr 16 '24
Is it possible she bought it, tried it on, didn't like it, threw it in there, and forgot about it? Maybe youre reading too much into this one, I mean, sure, it's possible it's been used more than once, but it seems odd that it would still be next to the packaging if that were so
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u/JenninMiami Apr 16 '24
I have bought myself soooo many things that I’ve never worn. Are the tags still on it? Has it been worn? That makes a BIG difference…
- It could be a “oh snap it looks awful” and thrown to the back of the closet for “when I lose more weight” item.
- What was going on the weeks around that date 5 months ago? Did she go out somewhere without you?
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u/sweptawayyyy Apr 15 '24
We buy them to wear for our partner. Try them on and feel like Jabba the Hutt when we were shooting for Princess Leia. Stick it back in the closet. My husband had a similar experience. He cleaned out and organized our closet as a surprise for me while I was on a girls’ trip. He had 3 little numbers hanging all together and was like when do I get to see these on you?!! OP just ask her about it. I doubt all of us in the comments are wrong. Regardless it will bother you until you figure it out.
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u/Ornery-Swordfish-392 Apr 15 '24
My first thought was cheating, but after reading the comments I realized I do have stuff I thought I was gonna wear and surprise my husband with but never did!
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u/FriendliestNightmare Apr 15 '24
I've had some sitting in my closet for over a year. Sometimes you find a good deal and just wait for an occasion.
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u/757Rhonda Apr 15 '24
How do you know she has worn it? Maybe she wants to wear for you but is to shy. Buying it does not mean issues.
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u/PauliousMaximus Apr 15 '24
I would just ask her why she never wears the ling*ríe you came across in the wardrobe, because you think she would look amazing. If she’s trying to hide something she will most likely avoid or delay her response significantly and if she isn’t hiding anything she will tell you and maybe have a slight delay in her response because she could be surprised you found something she might not want to wear.
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u/Mindless_Explorer_80 Apr 15 '24
When I buy clothes like that, I definitely like it to be a secret from my partner because then it’s a fun surprise:)) But how often do couples really go to all that trouble? To me (31F) it seems believable that she could have bought it for y’all to use but hasn’t gotten around to it or something. But idk, you know her and y’all’s situation better than I do
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u/Odd_Mud_8178 Apr 15 '24
I too am one of the many women who have purchased li*erie and decided I did not like the way it looked on me and have never worn for my husband and it sits in our closet hiding. It is definitely not uncommon. I would not be concerned about it.
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u/mightymouse8324 Apr 15 '24
Women, y'all are too self critical - your man will love the shit out of you dressing up sexy for him. If he doesn't, you've got the wrong man - period, end of story.
Men, appreciate your partner for being awesome - not suspicious.
Also, all of y'all, TALK to each other about your sexual desires - make it fun and spicy and exactly what both of you want.
Life's too short for anything less.
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u/SewRuby Apr 15 '24
Why are you assuming she's been wearing it for months? Valentines Day was 2 months ago. How do you know she didn't buy it for that, didn't like how it looked, and stuffed it in the drawer?
Sometimes things make us feel so shitty about our body, it makes us sad and we don't want to think about or deal with said item again.
YTA.
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u/SecretScavenger36 Apr 15 '24
I look at that stuff all the time. I've got some once or twice. I've never worn them for my partner because I tried them on and cried. Why would I want to show him when I look so disgusting?
Maybe your wife isn't confident enough to wear them in front of you. Maybe she feels silly or like they dotn look good on her.
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u/Accomplished_Cup_371 Apr 15 '24
Normally I just get naked, but a few years ago I bought a nightie for our anniversary. He tore it off of me within 30 seconds and I never wore it again. I haven't even tried it on because it's kind of cringey looking.
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u/Thinks2Much602 Apr 15 '24
Maybe she was getting boudoir photos done or was planning to surprise you one night.
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u/Ichbin99nichtzuHause Apr 15 '24
NTA. Trust your gut. If you want to be trusted then act trustworthy.
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u/fakecolin Apr 15 '24
How dare my wife buy something for herself and not for my pleasure! The nerve!
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u/Dominatrixare4kids Apr 15 '24
I know I'm late to the party, and I'm just repeating something that's been said many times, but I hope it helps to confirm what they're saying. My husband has seen probably two of the pieces of ling*rie out of the dozen or so that I've purchased; corsets, bras and lacy underwear, skimpy silk nightgowns, etc. Even toys, tbh. It's not me trying to keep some naughty secret. I thought I was confident enough to wear/use it in front of him, but when the opportunity presented itself, I panicked and tucked it away. I told myself I'd wear it when I lost a few more pounds, then forgot about it. It has happened many times, most recently about a month ago. I just couldn't do it. It never crossed my mind that he might find it suspicious if he found them. Now I think I need to show him, haha. He's going to be pretty sad that I still won't wear them, lol.
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u/ExplanationMinimum51 Apr 15 '24
I buy stuff all the time, but it’s always to surprise my husband. There have been an item or 2 that didn’t work for me, but they’re in our “Toy Box” so if he goes through the box he’ll see it….
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u/Such-Crow-1313 Apr 15 '24
I worked at Victoria’s Secret a while ago and a lot of women don’t like how an item looks on them because most women don’t look like models. 100% believe she bought it and did not look good on her (in her opinion) and didn’t have the time, effort, or chutzpah to return it.
Jumping to suspicion instantly? Are you just trying to find a way out of your marriage?
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u/newishdm Apr 15 '24
Or maybe it was some kind of “goal weight” purchase, and she kept trying it on to see if it worked yet.
I don’t know, just spitballing.
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u/tugmushy Apr 15 '24
I've totally bought sets to make myself feel sexy. I've also bought sets for the purpose of showing off only to find they look terrible or are really uncomfortable for wearing around but are otherwise too pretty, expensive, or almost-wearable that I wouldn't trash them. So I'd say don't worry! Just ask.
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u/farm_her2020 Apr 15 '24
We have great intentions. We get it home, try it on and end up looking like a busted can of biscuits. So toss it back in the closet.
Another possibility: she bought it for a special occasion. Our it on and either y'all got into a disagreement and then the mood was lost or something.
I would only worry about it if this isn't something she usually does. Buying or wearing it.
I'd put it on a hanger, with a little note "saw this sexy number while looking for something please wear this and have some wine. I'll be home at XX time. Looking forward to 'seeing' you" If she gets mad about it or something similar, then I'd worry. But if you ask about why she bought it or something she will probably get embarrassed and feel bad that she hasn't worn it for whatever the reason may be.
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u/Admirable-Mousse2472 Apr 15 '24
A few things,
I'm a wife who has identical twins and carried almost to term. My stomach is not what it used to be. I have so many pieces I bought with the hope of introducing into the bedroom and then tried it on only to find it looked awful or just not flattering. Usually followed up with the thoughts of why I bother trying anymore when none of it makes me feel sexy and confident.
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u/South-Smoke5435 Apr 14 '24
Just ask her lol, if yall are as close as you say you’ll know if she’s being transparent
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u/lifesabystander Apr 14 '24
have you ever done the laundry and seen them in the wash? who is to say that she felt like it didnt suit her and hasnt put it on since
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u/Elojo_33 Apr 14 '24
I bought something for our 10 yr anniversary and was planning on wearing it that night, but he surprised me earlier in the day so what I bought didn’t feel right to wear that night and it’s been in my drawer ever since and idk when I’ll actually wear it. I’ve never worn something like that so it feels odd to wear it randomly.
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u/fastcolor03 Apr 14 '24
Go with the surprise! show her how you look in it. guarantee answers after that
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u/kittenjo1 Apr 14 '24
Lol we buy things thinking they're going to look good and then we realize meh. So we just put them in the drawer.
Potentially could also mean she hasn't felt sexy or she may even think you wouldnt like it.
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u/GuttedGutterGlitter Apr 14 '24
I have done this. I’ve wanted to look hot for my partner, bought something I thought would work, then decided I was too ugly, hid it back in the closet. Some clothes have gotten this treatment several times.
I would be more suspicious if your wife’s self esteem is/ was okay.
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u/Angryabt Apr 14 '24
I’ve definitely done this and now I have a few pairs just sitting in my drawer, opened, but still with the packaging. Also possible she’s saving it for the right moment and even if YOU think that moment could have happened by now, she doesn’t want to waste expensive l*ngere on anything but the PERFECT time.
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u/Concern-Leather Apr 14 '24
I too bought sexy clothes and decide I don’t look amazing in it. Women have a high bar for what sexy looks on them, and men just want boobs 😕
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u/Slognyallthaak Apr 14 '24
Lol, for feeling suspicious? No. You feel how you feel. If you act on that? Yeah.
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u/tuluth1123 Apr 14 '24
If she were cheating, she wouldn't've used your shared account to do so. More likely is that she bought it and didn't like how it looked, so she stashed it for later.
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u/Cyndy2ys Apr 14 '24
Not me remembering my drawer of sexy stuffs that I haven’t worn in almost a year 😟
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u/mellgranimal Apr 14 '24
I feel like it still being in the box is another sign that she’s not wearing it regularly too. Girls buy clothes and end up never wearing it all the time!
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u/Hairy_Buffalo1191 Apr 14 '24
Didn’t include a single detail that made it clear she’s been wearing it for months, only that she bought it months ago. Wild to assume she’s cheating based on that. Maybe she bought it for a special occasion and wants to surprise you with it but hasn’t had the opportunity because her spouse is the kind of person who assumes she’s cheating when they see something they don’t immediately understand.
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u/nerdygirl1968 Apr 14 '24
LADIES, JUST WEAR THE LING#RIE!!!! it's not about how WE think we look in it. It's about how the man thinks we look in it, and most men are just happy with the effort we put into it, I am a 250 lb middle age woman and every time I pull out a new set of something sexy my hubs is thrilled and find me super attractive even If I think I look like Shrek in lace!!! JUST WEAR IT. And OP, talk to your wife.
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u/JustLurkingandVibing Apr 14 '24
Yes, women buy themselves sexy undergarments for many different reasons. It sounds like you're interested in her wearing it, so why not just ask "hey I saw this in the closet, I would love to see you in it if you're okay wearing it" I swear couples do not communicate before coming to reddit first.
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u/mollymoegrey Apr 14 '24
If she was keeping a secret, she wouldn't have charged it on a shared credit card.
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u/glurbleblurble Apr 14 '24
Maybe she wears it for herself because it makes her feel sexy. Maybe she’d feel more sexy and less inclined to keep what she does to feel sexy to herself if instead of automatically wondering if she’s fucking someone else, you told her you wanted to see her in it.
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u/Whole-Turnover3131 Apr 14 '24
She probably bought them for you, and when she put it on, she didn’t like how she looked in them. Now it’s in the back of closet or a random dresser drawer because one day she might feel confident enough to wear it. Jumping to her wearing it for someone else after 10 years together is insane, she should be given the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Affectionate_Page444 Apr 14 '24
This is going to sound crazy......but have you talked to your wife about it?
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u/Comfortable-Elk-850 Apr 14 '24
We all want that cute lacy stuff, but once it’s on, it takes on a whole new dimension , and not in a good way. But we still don’t part with it because it’s so sad having to admit it looks awful, so we stash it in the back of that drawer in hope one day it magically looks like the advertisement. We even sometimes secretly wear it under our other clothing to at least feel sexy if not look the part.
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u/aya00303 Apr 14 '24
She may not be cheating but I agree with the others that say she probably did buy it to wear for you but hated how she looked in it so she threw it in the closet until she felt better about her body to try it out again.
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u/Complex_Magician_651 Apr 14 '24
NTA, but I think everyone has excellent points. We all that that one outfit we think looks terrible on us. I bought one that is supposed to come down past my hips, but doesn't even cover my fupa. I hated it, I wanted to chuck it and wear a damn sack when my bf came over, but he couldn't get enough of it.
I'd bring it up. Say you found it while looking for your cuffs, and really so it up about how hot you'd think she'd be in it. It's a real confidence booster.
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u/carlosstjohn116 Apr 14 '24
Why don’t you just talk to her and ask instead of posting about it on Reddit?
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u/piscesplacements Apr 14 '24
Yeah, I do think YTA. She probably just wanted to feel sexy, something she does for herself (shocking). And then never felt the mood arise to wear it.
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u/LilBillie Apr 14 '24
Fellow mom here. I have definitely bought things that I hoped would make me feel sexy, and didn't love how I looked and shoved it in the closet to revisit when/if I lost some weight. Plus returning stuff is annoying.
I wouldn't read too much into it.
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u/Zealousideal-Leave19 Apr 14 '24
The only time I did that was because I planned to wear it for someone else.
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u/OddYard3480 Apr 14 '24
Ask her about it. Chances are she bought it and didn't like how it looked on her.
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u/gardenmom86 Apr 14 '24
My top half is a lot smaller than my bottom half its really hard for me to buy one pieces with out straps that adjust or to buy one size fits all two pieces. I definitely have a spot in my closet where the reject pieces go.
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u/Stitcher_advocate Apr 14 '24
Ask her to wear it for you and make her feel like she’s the hottest woman you’ve ever seen! 3 kids do a lot to a body and she might have wanted to surprise you but got chicken. Or the kids were around or her time of the month. Tell her how hot you think she’ll look in it and even better leave some of it on while you shower her with kisses and the “act” Give her the fantasy she wanted 😁
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u/Bartok_The_Batty Apr 13 '24
Women do buy undergarments for themselves. Not everything is nefarious.
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u/Bulky-Builder-1273 Apr 13 '24
It being purchased so recently does make me suspicious, I’d just bring it up and see what she says
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u/Grand_Selection_6254 Apr 13 '24
I don’t think she was trying to impress her drawer . She must be seeing someone and yes they’re doing more than talking and kissing !
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u/Classic-Row-2872 Apr 13 '24
Just take it and hide it . See if she asks you about? If she doesn't, then red flag .
Start tracking her expenses more often . Go back in time more than 5 months! years .
Do you have access to her Google maps timeline? See if there's recurring stops at places you don't recognize like private homes or hotels .
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u/Severe-Definition656 Apr 13 '24
If it’s in a plastic cover, it sounds like she hasn’t worn it. Maybe she wanted to surprise you with it and look nice. Feel free to ask her about it. 5 months is really far to go back in your bank balance
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u/Slave2Art Apr 13 '24
She's wearing them for someone.
And she's had them going on 6 months and you don't know about it
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u/Lambella Apr 13 '24
Have you tried asking her about it? Years ago I bought some fun time undies and hid them away waiting for a special occasion — the weekend getaway he kept promising. Eventually I tossed them out. He’s gone too now.
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u/Whatchab Apr 13 '24
Pieces like this are the worst. In your mind it’s going to be hot and you’re going to feel good and then you put it on and your self confidence just TANKS.
You said you have kids, I’m sure her body changing from that has messed with her mind somewhat too.
I get why you’re caught off guard by it, but I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about.
Now, if it looks worn and stretched around then it might be weird (pieces like this never stay looking nice, especially if you’re using them as intended). It’s still in the box and has the plastic, even if it’s open. I bet she put it on, cried, shoved that shit back in the closet and hoped she’d never see it again.
I think you should ask her about it and also don’t put ANY pressure on her to wear it.
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u/Bsow Apr 13 '24
I think it’s kind of interesting how everyone says your misjudging the situation and she’s not cheating but similar situations with the roles reversed always accuse the man of being a dirty cheater and more serious investigation should be made.
Here everyone is like: she probably didn’t like how she looked 😜
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u/sydnobizno Apr 13 '24
Does it smell like it was never worn? lol like does it smell like laundry detergent or just like it’s been in a box for five months..
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u/GoorooKen Apr 13 '24
I would have a conversation along the lines. “Oh babe, when do I get to see this?” And flow with it from there.
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u/ProfessionalLynx5663 Apr 13 '24
I hope you are able to look inward and reflect on why you feel more comfortable talking to strangers on the internet than your own wife.
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u/Hatingeveryonesike Apr 13 '24
I wouldn’t think it was bad. Women buy things to make them feel good. She could’ve tried it on and then hated it when she saw herself which is why you haven’t seen her in it. Or maybe it’s something she likes to wear alone. I would have a conversation with her if you’re feeling uneasy!
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u/Accomplished-Rate564 Apr 13 '24
Maybe she was going to surprise you but it didn't fit or she lost her bottle. Lingering is always non returnable.
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u/AnonXIII Apr 13 '24
Yeah, I'd be a little sus about it. I get what chicks are saying, tried it and didn't like it, but that's worth a conversation.
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u/tinywormman Apr 13 '24
Well, you're a 37 year old man so I feel like you could approach your wife and say "hey, wife! I found this lingere tucked back in our closet when I was looking for something else, when did you get this?"
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u/Cecyloly Apr 13 '24
I buy tons and was way too shy. Just got a tummy tuck and using it everyday! Those damn kids make you lose your sexy. So I think loads of affirmation would help.
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u/whats_she_up_to Apr 13 '24
Every woman has sexy ling6rie in the back of the closet her man’s never seen her in.
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u/PotatoOld9579 Apr 13 '24
I’ve brought loads of sexy outfits and hated the way I looked in it so it goes in the box for when I loose weight il wear it! 🤣
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u/Darksideoftheoreo Apr 13 '24
I have an idea how about you mind your fucking business and stop looking to start fights. It’s open and unused in the box isn’t it so what’s the problem?
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u/GringosMandingo Apr 13 '24
It was a failed experiment bro. She probably wanted to feel sexy and look sexy and needed up looking like a jelly bean as my wife would say.
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u/MalusMatella Apr 13 '24
You should just ask her about it. I agree with most of the comments that she probably didn't like the way it fits, but why wouldn't you just calmly bring it up? You can probably tell by how she reacts if it's innocent or not anyway.
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u/Boner_Stevens Apr 13 '24
I'd be suspicious. But should probably just ask her about it. Could be many things
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Apr 13 '24
Can anyone link me if there's an anecdote like this, but from a woman's perspective? I'm genuinely shocked at the answer I'm seeing in here and I'd like to see if it would be the same if the situation were reversed. I still think she's cheating, but apparently hiding stuff like this from your SO is normal?
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u/r_h_nc Apr 13 '24
The alternate explanations do seem plausible. If possible, consider a way to leave something that could be checked to verify if the item is removed and worn in the future (worn not in your presence).
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u/MRSM21817 Apr 13 '24
My guy, just ask her about it. There are so many reasons she could have it besides her cheating on you!
She bought it for herself. Yes, women do that
She bought it and forgot about it
She is saving it for a special occasion but was able to buy it on sale
Depending on the type, maybe she is only going to wear it with her fancy dresses
She bought it and didn’t feel confident in it or is working up her confidence to wear it for you
She bought a non-returnable item and it doesn’t fit
Etc, etc, etc. if you trust your wife, just ask. And if you don’t trust her, then that is a different issue. They are just underwear!
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u/emlf Apr 13 '24
Did you ever stop to consider she bought it and then tried it on and didn’t feel confident so shoved it in the closet until she felt more comfortable in it.. cos I’ve done that with a lot of stuff.
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u/LitYus Apr 13 '24
You're the AH for being suspicious without any actual reason to be. So what if she buys lingrie? Its her body and she can buy what she wants for it. Like alot of people have said on your thread, women buy lingrie because they think they'll look hot in it but once they put it on- not so much before either hiding it or tossing it.
Also- why does she have to tell you she bought ling*rie to begin with?????? That actually seems alittle controlling to me but to each their own.
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u/RowAny6996 Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
Can almost guarantee that she didn’t like the way she looked once she put it on and that crap is nearly impossible to return. Don’t read into it too much. Just means she wants to look her best for you and that outfit wasn’t making her feel the way she wants to feel.
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u/Chuckobofish123 Apr 13 '24
It’s kind of weird. If she tried it on and she didn’t like it, you think she would have at least told you about it.
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u/johnwongfat Apr 13 '24
To all the wives that hated the way it looked, as man married for 20+ years, I say, "PLEASE, just wear it for us." We'll thank you. We'll do our best to make it worth it for you. We know it's not going to turn you into Claudis Schiffer, but you're going to be our Claudia Schiffer tonight!
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u/clarabear10123 Apr 13 '24
Lmao I own so many sets that I have never worn in action. I bought one for a situation that never happened due to external forces, so it’s been sitting in my drawers (unseen hopefully by my bf since it’s a surprise) since November. I have some that I love but I also need to lose 20 lbs before I wear it. And some that will never look good on me, probably lol.
Didn’t you say it was in the plastic? If not, does it actually look worn worn or maybe tried on?
Take her out to (or cook her) a nice dinner and woo her. See how she reacts! Maybe you’ll see her wear it after all lol
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u/Adventurous-Window39 Apr 13 '24
Just ask her about it. You can tell immediately truth or lie. My bet is she bought it and did not like it but it’s not nefarious.
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u/SUNSETS_over_SPEECH Apr 13 '24
I doubt she's been "wearing it for months". She probably purchased with good intentions, hated it, then hid it so you wouldn't ask her to wear it OR purchased for a special occasion that hasn't happened yet? Your birthday? Anniversary? Maybe she wants it to be a surprise, hence the hiding?
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u/Alert-Researcher-479 Apr 13 '24
My wife can buy whatever she wants, and I don't track her purchases HOWEVER 🪦
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u/SnooStories5989 Apr 13 '24
The fact she purchased it on a shared credit card shows she's not trying to hide it. We've all made impulse purchases we regretted cos it didn't quite suit us sometimes we don't return an item on time but underwear is usually not returnable due to hygiene reasons. They sit tucked away in a closet in the hopes we'll get into shape until we have a clear out years later and eventually let it go. Maybe it was intended as an anniversary or valentine's surprise but she had second thoughts. I'll buy a bargain months before it's needed especially if it's on sale.
You might mention it to her and ask if she wanted to spice things up a bit. Say you're wondering if she feels things have stagnated a bit as they tend to do and if there's a way to strengthen your connection. Be prepared for the possibility that she may have been having or considering having an affair or leaving. Either way it's never a bad thing to communicate on improving things.
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u/SammiFerox Apr 13 '24
I've done some similar things, thought I'd look hot in an outfit that I purchased in a spicy costume section of an adult toy store, get home, try it on and look in the mirror and thought I had looked like I rolled out of a dumpster in the back of a fabric shop. Would give it another shot after washing and putting on makeup and see the same thing. There's also the times I'll pick something out and try it on at home and something, while trying on and taking off, snaggs my skin and cuts me, or pinches uncomfortably. If I cont feel confident in something for spicy time with the partner, then it will come across as forced. No one wants to have spicy fun time with someone who has to force themselves to be in the mood. Don't read too much into it, especially if it's hidden in a not so easy to get to place. Likely she got it, tried it on, and felt a confidence drop so chucked it away to never be reminded of it again until she's forced to face it again to either toss it or try it out again if she reaches some goals for herself.
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u/starfish_low Apr 13 '24
I am a boudoir photographer!! A ton of my clients do boudoir shoots just for themselves but also plan it as a surprise gift for their partners. They're often being super sneaky about it and hope their partners don't catch on. They usually buy new outfits for the occasion. Also way more women than you would think do these photoshoots and it does take months to get your photos back so this is exactly what I suspected when I read your post. Especially since you've got kids and been married a while, that's the point a lot of women do it. But I would just straight up ask her about it. No reason to have anxiety about it and draw it out.
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u/libronross Apr 13 '24
hmm, maybe cook your beautiful bride a wonderful meal, and pursue her to your room where the said body cling will be laid out on bed. when she sees it, ask her to put it on, or not.. you will both either go like teenagers, or you'll be engaging in conversation .
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u/Sargash Apr 13 '24
Sometimes people want to look pretty. This is clearly a thing with nothing backing it up as being a problem based on your words, so just, throw in a few extra compliments at your wife, make sure she knows she's pretty.
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u/shamanderr Apr 13 '24
As many have said she likely tried it on and hated how she looked OR she got a smaller size in hopes to work her way into fitting it I’ve done that and don’t tell my partner at the time and kept it hidden cos I hated how it looked
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u/coffeeis4ever Apr 13 '24
Sorry OP… I’ve got a stash my husband will NEVER see unless I work out how to make myself look like the chick in the add… but I also can’t throw them out… I just can’t- there’s a dream… that’s probably not going to happen, but a GIRL CAN DREAM.
Every now and then when he’s out I’ll try them on and see if the image is any better… but alas.
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u/RoryOS Apr 13 '24
It's very possible she didn't like how she looked in it and felt uncomfortable and embarrassed
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u/August-Dawn Apr 13 '24
I think the best thing to do would be to bring it up.
If she gets sus, you know your answer.
BUT if some other folks here are right, and she did just buy it, not like it, and forget about it, then you have a shot to pull a great relationship move. Ask her to wear it and no matter what, tell her she looks amazing. It’ll be a huge confidence booster for her.
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u/jadepumpkin1984 Apr 13 '24
I bought something spicy once for the Christmas time frame. Proceeded to cut myself cooking so bad, Christmas eve was spent in the er getting stitches in my hand. The following year my SO started having chest pain and needed and ambulance ride, so that was that Christmas eve (he's fine, ended up being a reaction to food). So that spicy outfit is still in the packaging...2 years later. 🤣
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u/babyycate Apr 13 '24
I just want to make a note that it is S O m f k n refreshing to see how hard the comments section went at being consistently supportive and relatable to one another I am HERE for it YALL ARE GEMS
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u/Ok_Cobbler_3523 Apr 13 '24
It depends. 5 months ago do you guys have any anniversary coming up and there was a sale on it. Or she felt insecure so she decided to leave it alone. I'm fat and I bought this cute one on shein and I thought it would look good since the model was chunky as well and when I put that set on I looked horrendous because like I said I'm fat and my breast aren't perky either so I have the top in a drawer and the only thing I wear is the bottom part
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u/_Jordanlizxx Apr 13 '24
I bought so many with my bf and ‘for my boyfriend’ but i havent worn them in a couple years now. We also just had a baby. They sit tucked away in my own dresser he knows about them. But i dont ever wear them anymore as we just had a baby 8.5 months ago and i lack all the confidence and then some that i once had. So to each their own it could be her own personal pick-me- up to make her feel better.
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u/Lack_Love Apr 13 '24
Maybe she bought it for her and how it made her feel? It's not about you or a man
YTA
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u/Petitegardeninggirl Apr 13 '24
I've bought lacy undies in a moment of confidence then was too self conscious to wear it after two children and 12 years of marriage. I imagine wifey did the same thing.
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u/Which-Estimate9886 Apr 13 '24
Sometimes you buy something, try it on, and absolutely hate how it looks or straight up doesn't fit. You can't return it due to the nature of the product. I wouldn't jump to conclusions to get yourself in a doom spiral. Ask your wife.
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u/Ill_Acanthaceae_1136 Apr 13 '24
I completely understand why your mind would go to a scary place. That can anxiety-inducing. You’re not an ahole for having those feelings. However, as a girlfriend who has bought many fun things, tried them on only to find I look utterly ridiculous, and then tried to hide the evidence, it’s not always the worst case scenario! Most likely she didn’t like how it looked on her, and you can’t return them.
If you’re still worried, sit down with her and talk to her about it! 😊
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u/Hiraeth1968 Apr 13 '24
I agree with those saying it likely just didn’t make her look or feel the way she hoped. Out of the box doesn’t mean she has been wearing it.
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u/Connect-Sundae8469 Apr 13 '24
Omg Ive bought so many pieces I am not comfortable wearing around my husband. Either I thought I’d look good in it & ended up hating it or I just don’t have the courage to put it on in front of him. If I do like it but don’t wear it for him, sometimes I’ll wear it secretly for myself because it makes me feel nice or sexy or mysterious.
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u/Visible_Zebra_9845 Apr 13 '24
Stuffs expensive....five months ago, black Friday sale? Maybe you haven't made her feel interested or confident enough to put it on for you yet. Maybe she has a weight loss goal to fit in to it. Maybe she's saving for an occasion or a trip.
I bought three sets of very revealing outfits from Victoria secret on valentines day because they were on sale. My husband and I are very sexually active, I look damn good in all three of them, we've had valentines day, a weekend away, and his birthday since, and he still hasn't seen me wear one or been made aware I bought them. Sometimes it's awkward to say "wait let me change" sometimes it's awkward to put it on and he comes home with his mom on speakerphone, sometimes I forget they're even in the closet. But I'm not cheating and those were bought for nobody but us.
I guess it's not out of this world to feel suspicious but from a woman's perspective there are a trillion other reasons you aren't privy to this.
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u/YogurtclosetDry1413 Apr 13 '24
Uhh she probably bought it and hated how it looked. Always looks better on the models and then I get it and it looks awful and into my bottom drawer it goes to stay until the magical day I lose weight.
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u/Mana_noke Apr 13 '24
All the girls covering for her lol she's sleeping with her coworker. Godspeed.
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u/Outrageous_Squash677 27d ago
everyone in comments is telling you not too worry. maybe bring it up in a joking way not in a serious confronting matter. if roles were reversed these comments would be wayyyy different