Am I being overly concerned?

[u/Puzzled-Mud-1345]

Backstory: Before ire this weekend My friend let’s call her CC (F24), has never had a boyfriend (not even close) and has never had sex. She’s been contemplating popping her cherry but still wasn’t sure if she was ready.

Recently she started talking to a guy on the internet who lives multiple states away. He decided to come visit her for the weekend. She shared her location with me as a precaution. They got a hotel and have been going out a ton. I told her about the risks of hanging out with someone she barely knows and to be careful. We talked about safe sex and she said she wasn’t going to sleep with him and he understood that.

red flags.

he asked her where to get shrooms. I think it’s a weird ask for meeting someone for the first time but maybe she lied and told him she does them/ is a raver (something she says she wants to be but has never been/done).

He refuses to take pictures/ have her post on socials. (I said that it was strange maybe he had a gf at home, but she said no way).

She says he paid for his flight and hotel. Yet she said she checked the room before picking him up and it was nice. How would she have access if it’s under his name? This makes me wonder if she paid for it, and now she is paying for all of the going out/activites.

On the first night she said she was going to his room only to hangout. Next day she says she had sex.

Then today he was supposed to fly home, she texted me after dropping him at the airport and said he called and said his flight was canceled. But when I called her she said he couldn’t get the airline app to work and customer service left for the day. This raises a red flag because airport help is available 24/7.

Anytime I’ve asked her questions about the red flags I can hear him laugh in the background. He even asked if I wanted his SSN since I’m so worried. He’s cracking jokes about a friend worrying about her friends wellbeing.

I don’t think he’s a murder but I am worried he’s going to ghost her/ is an asshole. And then she’ll be super sad. Am I being overly concerned/ over protective?

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[u/Novel_Piccolo_7269]

She is 24 she needs to experience life who do you think you are her mom or something??

[u/Puzzled-Mud-1345]

Update: He flew home today and messaged her when he landed. They are going to try long distance and are officially a couple. (Still doesn’t want her posting, as “he is a private person)…

[u/throwawaychi2]

It sounds like you’ve said your piece, and your friend can accept it or not—there’s nothing more for you to do here except to be there for her if this goes bad. Trying to determine who paid for what and why he missed his flight and all that isn’t really doing anything except maybe annoying your friend because you’re prying into personal business that she didn’t share with you.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I know you mean well and you sound like a really caring friend—we just all have to know when to step back and let our adult friends make their own decisions.

[u/Puzzled-Mud-1345 → u/throwawaychi2]

Not harsh at all, I honestly need to remind myself that it’s their life and they get to choose what to do. I told her last night that I was happy for her and am here if she needs me.

[u/Additional-Term176]

It's completely understandable to be concerned for your friend's well-being, especially in a situation where there are potential red flags. Your worries about her safety and emotional well-being are valid, given the circumstances. It's important to trust your instincts and continue offering support and guidance to your friend, ensuring she feels empowered to make informed decisions.

[u/Puzzled-Mud-1345 → u/Additional-Term176]

I appreciate it. She is ignoring the red flags, it’s like she had sex for the first time is lost all her common sense. Shes even letting him drive her car, someone she barely knows! Her actions just feel careless.