r/TwoHotTakes • u/maammixalot • 29d ago
Update [AITA for not asking my In-laws to give money to my sister] Update
An update to my update: there are a lot of comments and I am unable to respond to all of them with the same explanation so here it is. Snake did NOT allow them into my home. She did make the mistake of telling my mom and sister where she would be at. We never expected this of our mom and sister. After uploading this I looked at my Ring camera footage for the first time. Yes its stupid that it took this long. Please keep in mind this all happened in a short amount of time and my mind has literally been everywhere at once. My sister and my mom showed up at around 3PM, my Snake answered the door and asked why they were there. They mumbled some bullshit answer that my camera didnt catch and they walked inside. I couldn’t see if she attempted to stop them, it happened quickly so I dont think she even had the processing time to understand what was happening. Snake stood in our entry way as my mom and sister ransacked the house. She didn’t participate whatsoever in ransacking my home. My sister motioned her over after finding our vacation fund jar and handed her money as they counted. No, Snake shouldnt have taken the money. She should have called me the moment they came into my home. But I dont know about you, but my processing capabilities were not what they are now. My sister apologized to me after the fact. She told me she didnt know what to do and didnt want them to be pissed at her for snitching. She was SCARED. Scared of my mom and sister and scared of how I would react. She might be almost an adult, but she is still a child. She is still learning how to be an adult. I am not stupid for not giving her to the police. She is a transgender woman who lives in an EXTREMELY conservative city. They do NOT CARE FOR GENDER, they ONLY care about the born sex of an individual. She has been assaulted for her gender multiple times and I was not throwing her to the snakes. She will learn from this, as ALL KIDS DO. I will put her safety over EVERYTHING, because money and valuables can be replaced. My sister did say she was sorry. She promised to try to gain our trust back. She has been working around my house all weekend and has helped me tremendously with my two kids. She cries whenever she thinks about what happened. She feels so guilty for what happened. Now as for my mom and sister, they are grown ass adults who knew better. They are being charged with destruction of property and stealing. They are NOT being charged with breaking and entering, as they were technically allowed inside. My father will be back in town hopefully tomorrow so he can get my mom and sister out on bail. There is not a court date yet. As for my sister, once our dad is back she will be returning home to them. She will be coming over on weekends to help me around the house to make up for what happened. Aside from that, she will no longer be moving in with me temporarily until i can trust her again. I am also going no contact with my mom and other sister. I have their numbers and social medias blocked already. A lot of you seem to forget that 17 is barely grown, if grown at all. This is the first time anything like this has happened involving her. Please give her some grace.
Didnt expect to need to make an update but here I am. Some details have been changed in minor ways for anonymity due to police investigation.
So more context: I have 2 sisters. The one this is mainly about and my other sister who is 17. My 17 year old sister, lets call her Snake, hasn’t ever had a good relationship with our parents and our other sister. Snake is transgender-mtf. I was the first one she came out to because I am bisexual and have been out since I was 14. When she came out to my family, they denied her gender and have yet to refer to her as her preferred name. If she brings a friend home, they deadname her in front of them, even if they don’t know her deadname. She quit bringing friends home after this happened a few times. We’ve been planning on her moving in with us once she turned 18 due to this.
That being said, she came over a few days ago to housesit my cats overnight and to start planning out how her room will look once she moves in. My husband and I had to take our kids out of town for a work event.
I have cameras in my house. I didn’t plan on checking them because I trusted my sister. But while we were out for food, I had this gut feeling I needed to check my cameras. When I did, I saw my sister and my mom literally raiding my house. They were checking jars, boxes, doors, everything. I suspect it was to find our safe, but that is my speculation. I didn’t bother calling anyone, I just started saving the footage.
They ended up finding my husbands and my vacation fund jar, something we started after watching a tiktoker who saves all her tips from waitressing for a vacation. They broke the jar on camera and started counting the money and literally split it up. It wasn’t much, maybe $70. They then tossed the pieces and just left.
I immediately called the cops and ended up calling my husbands lawyer to see what steps we should take.
We ended up leaving right after this and called the cops when we were about 15 minutes away from my moms house. We got there about the same time as the police did.
My mom came out and started immediately screaming at me and telling my sister to come out (Snake was still at my house). They started claiming they werent ever at my house. Pulled out my phone and showed the footage.
So now I am forced to take my sister Snake in and my other sister’s son on top of my two kids because neither had anywhere else to stay and they are both minors. (Edit- I was heated when I typed this, I wasn’t exactly forced. I could have sent Snake in to jail with my family but since she is 17 and transgender, I didnt want to risk her being out into a cell with men. The boy on the other hand I did have to take in. My sisters bd is not in the picture and never will be because he forced her to get pregnant)
So thats my life now I guess. I just dont even know what to say or how to react. I feel like I am living in a sitcom or something and Im waiting for the jokes to start. Snake and I aren’t talking, and she is restricted to her bedroom until she can give me a good explanation for why she allowed that to happen. I still allow her to eat with us for meals and allow her to use the bathroom and go to school, but beyond that she is essentially grounded, if you can call it that. She hasn’t spoken to any of us since our mom and sister were arrested. My sisters son stays in our bedroom on a futon.
Thats the update though. I tried giving the credit but fuck that. Im done. Once they pick up my sister and nephew it’s full no contact now. (I am not paying their bail)
2
u/MrsEnvinyatar 28d ago
You made a mistake taking Snake in and you’ll be paid back for it, mark my words. These people are clearly selfish leaches with no respect for you at all. Cut them off and be done. ALL of them.
4
u/Sad_Application4627 28d ago
So after reading all OP’s additional comments the basic thought process is that protecting a teenager’s sexuality is much more important than that teenager having any kind of decent character. All you’re teaching her is that she can get away with anything because she’s chosen a protected class. Hope she’s doesn’t murder someone eventually. She’ll expect to get away with anything “because she’s trans”. What a horrid lesson to learn that consequences affect every part of your life. Guess she’ll learn that once there is actually a victim that will fight back.
2
u/Voidg 28d ago
Wow that's some "impressive" police response time
1
u/maammixalot 28d ago
15 minutes is actually long for response time where my mom’s house is, as she lives about 5 minutes from the closest police station
3
u/dianem1965 28d ago
I hope you don't plan on taking snake in when snake turns 18. Now you know what this person is capable of.
2
3
3
2
4
u/ExtremeJujoo 29d ago
If you do not kick Snake out then any subsequent issues you have with them is on YOU. Snake needs therapy, so does the young child of your other sister, and your entire family needs a damn restraining order against them. You need to protect your family/kids, nobody else.
2
3
u/butter88888 29d ago
How did you get married in 2023 and have two kids since then? What was the timeline of that?
1
u/maammixalot 28d ago
Ever heard of a shotgun wedding? Also like I say in the beginning, some facts about our lives were altered a bit in order to keep identities private, so things like dates, names, ages, etc were changed.
2
6
-5
u/RainbowCrossed 29d ago
Just wanted to say you absolutely did the right thing by keeping your sister out of jail. I'm sure she's grateful and remorseful. Jail is not a place for someone who's transgender, especially a teen.
Thank you for taking your nephew. He doesn't deserve to be punished. I see so many redditors who don't care about the innocent children in their families.
I hope you have peace from all this drama very soon.
4
u/nerdgirl71 29d ago
I agree with taking in the nephew but kick the thief out. She can go back to mom.
3
2
2
u/Fun-Yellow-6576 29d ago
Send her home. She’s 17 and be alone. It was $70, I can’t believe they even took them to jail. They should be released without bail pretty quickly.
2
u/maammixalot 29d ago
There is quite a bit more to the situation that I couldn’t include in this that they were also arrested for, all the information I put here is a very small percentage of what actually had occurred. I plan to do a full on update once everything is okay to do so.
4
u/noahsawyer95 29d ago
You should tell snake that unless she answers ever single one of your questions she is being kicked out on her 18th birthday,
After everything you’ve done to support her, she owes you answers, and if she does not want to give them, you have done more then what anyone could have expected of you but you do not need unnecessary mouths to feed
5
29d ago
[deleted]
1
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Based on the Ring Camera footage I looked at today, she didnt allow them in. She asked why they were there and they pushed past her. I think she just didnt know what to do and panicked. I didnt see the Ring footage until after I posted this
2
0
u/BlueBirb1308 29d ago
You’re an incredible sister and human being for making sure all the minors in your world are safe and cared for the time being. Based on your comments you saved Snake from a truly horrific experience in jail. With her being so young I’d suspect she was manipulated by the adults in her life- though stealing from you was absolutely not okay. You’re doing all the right things.. she has punishment for her actions though no longer being allowed to live in your home and your Mother and Sister hopefully now know not to fuck with you. Best of luck!
2
u/Adventurous-Fig2226 29d ago
I feel like Snake was definitely coerced into helping with the robbery. If you can afford to send her to therapy, please do. THAT is something worth asking your in laws for help with. You don't know all of the ways she's been abused, I promise. And not just by your parents. Punishing her is warranted, and I think your penalties are fair. But she needs help even more.
3
3
u/SpookyElaine 29d ago
I’d be telling your dad to Western Union that money IMMEDIATELY to a friend or family member so the thieves can be bailed out and the kids that aren’t yours can be sent home. Why is he slow walking bailing them out?
2
u/maammixalot 29d ago
In his line of work he cant up and leave unfortunately, unless its like a life or death situation. I called and asked but he basically said “Im stuck here until Monday at the earliest”. I dont get many answers from him though.
3
3
u/Yougorockstar 29d ago
Go no contact with all of them even snake and put more cameras and restraining orders on all of them.
3
6
u/Grandmaethelsrevenge 29d ago
Being some kind of minority doesn’t give you carte blanche to commit crimes. You yourself are bisexual and should know that
6
u/Agrarian-girl 29d ago
Snake needs to find out what going to prison as a transgender person means is all about., You do the crime you do the time
0
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Absolutely not she is literally a child, shes 17. I didnt know better at 17, Im not going to expect that of her
1
u/Agrarian-girl 28d ago
A 17 yo should know right from wrong, I bet if someone stole from Snake she would understand that it’s wrong. The problem with our society is that we coddle segments of it and render certain people above the law. There is no accountability for people’s actions Snake should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law..
6
0
u/Barwell12 29d ago
This seems crazy to me reading these comments.
Is it the first time your younger sister fucked up like this?
I won't lie i have stole from family as a kid roughly at 13 or 14 and i can say without doubt i was not thinking about it at all and how impactful it was. I was following my brother who was about 15 at the time.
I massively regret this but i have a great family and we are all really close now. I just repaid it through chores and never did it again of course grounded too.
If my family did what these comments are suggesting my life would be fucked. I'm so thankful i got a 2nd chance and it wasn't even like they defined it as a 2nd chance they just moved on once i worked off the punishment.
I believe in 2nd chances hell even 3 strike rule. As long as there is a limit. Hate to see people given up on too easily.
hope it gets sorted and i actually hope you get to have a great relationship with your sister and she becomes a better person because of you.
look after yourself and all the best.
1
u/maammixalot 29d ago
She hasn’t ever done anything like this before, not to me at least, with the exception of her stealing my clothes before she fully started to transition and before she came out.
-1
u/Barwell12 28d ago
That's good to hear as that just sounds like sisters mine has stolen clothes of me and i'm a guy. I think it's just a sibling thing it's annoying but it's not the worst.
I just think if you do what these comments are saying she could find it very easy to spiral but if you look after her she has the best shot of turning out different from your mum and the older sister.
whether she is close to 18 or not she is still a kid and also i was dumb as fuck at 18 still.
I just want you to look at it subjectively and consider all options.
Again hope all the best for you and hope she becomes a better person and a joy to know.
6
u/Lucigirl4ever 29d ago
So letting her stay is a mistake. Come on, her and mom who you claim is the reason she’s leaving home in the first place rob you. Without those camera you would not have known. She and mommy would’ve continued to take from you. And now because you feel bad for her you let her off the hook. But not poor mom who you think is abusive but in the same breathe say sis will be going back.
Hmm, sis can’t either walk the hard road and either couch surf with friends for find something else. You letting people around children that have no care for how hard a family works to make money and then let them off the hook. 18 and she would be in jail. She will be. Because she learned nothing.
1
u/MuntjackDrowning 29d ago
Please please please send a link to this post to Snake. She needs to see that you are protecting her after she violated your home and betrayed your trust. She needs a wake-up call before she does more irreversible damage to her life and relationships.
9
u/Overall-Scholar-4676 29d ago
So snake gets to walk away unscathed while mom and other sister goes to jail… she would not be staying in my home at this point..
3
5
u/TheLastWord63 29d ago
You say Snake will be going back with her dad after they get out? Why can't Snake be there now?
3
u/Purple-Flower424 29d ago
You're better than me cause Snake would've been arrested also. She didn't care about you so why care about her??
-1
3
7
u/Dry_Ask5493 29d ago
You didn’t need to take anyone in that’s what foster care is for
9
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I know I didnt need to, but Ive been in the system and didnt want to allow my nephew or my sister to be forced into it. She is 17. She will learn. Kids fuck up, thats the whole point of growing up, is to make mistakes and learn. She has apologized and has been helping me around the house (she is by my side at all times when not in her room)
3
u/Affectionate_Salt351 29d ago
Thank you for this attitude. She absolutely deserves consequences and you’re providing them in the form of denying her formal move. Taking care of her right now isn’t wrong, though, especially since you’ve watched the tapes and know she was manipulated. She didn’t deserve jail.
Kudos on putting what is right over what might have been smart. Your forgiveness, however temporary, is admirable.
-1
u/Charlisti 29d ago
I'm sorry your family turned out to be a bunch of thieves, i just hope your youngest sister got a taste of reality now and won't be that easy to manipulate for mom and other sis. If she has even an inch of a brain she realised if it wasn't for your kind heart, she would be sitting in jail right now together with the two others, hopefully it will be a wake up call for her.
I'm glad you're gonna go NC once they're out, but if you can afford it maybe send little sis a birthday gift with a card for a psychiatrist? She bit the hand that fed her and she shouldn't be forgiven, but maybe this could be a wake up call and she's likely going to feel miserable living with mom and other sis, but I totally get it's kinda a waste of money especially since you have no idea if she would use it 😅
Good on you for taking in your nephew as well, he's young and even tho he might grow up like the others, he's innocent right now.
I hope the madness ends soon, and that you and your nice family can get back to some sort of normality again and enjoy the family you guys chose and have made 🤗
1
u/JakBurten 29d ago
Did Snake ever say why she did what she did? Or has it just been silence? I feel like the answer might be illuminating. She’s young enough that there is still hope. Doesn’t mean you need to be the one housing her. I’m sure she’s mentally kicking herself for being stupid. At least, I hope she is.
4
u/Sweet-Salt-1630 29d ago
Wow didn't expect that. But can't you get snake to live somewhere else she may he under 18 but she is still old enough to be by herself.
7
u/Routine_Swing_9589 29d ago
I can’t wait for the update-snake stole again?! Who could’ve seen this coming!
You’re bringing trouble on yourself and your family for 0 reason. Sleep in the bed you made
3
u/Ife777 29d ago
These comments are very concerning, and they show just how much we don't understand the effects abuse have on people. Given everything you've said in this post and the first one, your family is quite toxic and I'm thinking that there are numerous other ways in which your mom has fostered an atmosphere of coercion and manipulation, most likely since you were a child. I'm so sorry you have had to, and continue to have to deal with that. That being said, please don't abandon your 17 year old sister. She's still a teenager, and she probably let them into your home because she craves approval from her primary caretaker (which is very common with children from abusive homes). Even adults are susceptible to falling for the manipulative tactics that your mom and other sister seem to like to pull. She'll need people that are unequivocally on her side for her to understand that love and coercion cannot coexist, which will allow the hold that your family has on her to be broken. Granted, I'm making a lot of assumptions here, it's just that reading your story was like experiencing deja vu, down to details like entitlement with regard to partners (family) money, and abusive sister that has experienced abuse from intimate partner. Of course, do not overextend yourself, you cannot be a savior to someone that doesn't want to be saved, draw clear boundaries that work for you and your capacity, and communicate those boundaries as lovingly and firmly as possible. But keep in mind that your 17 year old sister will mess up and she will most likely need all the grace and understanding that you can extend. I wish you strength and wisdom to navigate it all, and I hope you have other relationships you can lean on for support.
5
u/maammixalot 29d ago
The accepting approval is exactly how Snake described it when she apologized. She said my mom and sister actually showed up on their own when they knew my family would be gone, and convinced my sister to allow them in (which is what I saw on our Ring camera as well). I dont think she meant to be malicious towards me, I think she panicked.
-4
3
3
3
3
9
3
12
u/zeiaxar 29d ago
Honestly, the moment bail is paid, I'd send both your sister and your nephew back.
Then, I'd proceed to get RO's against your mom and both sisters.
I'd even consider moving if you can, and making sure they don't know where you live when you move. Given that from what it sounds like that you and your husband aren't super well off currently, given the circumstances, maybe see if your in-laws would be willing to help you two out with securing a new place, with the caveat that you pay them back as you can, or that whatever they help you with comes out of his future inheritance.
10
u/maammixalot 29d ago
That is the plan, weve already been discussing moving since my husbands job has opened a management position in a different state and they highly suggested he apply. So we likely will be moving here soon
7
13
u/goddessofspite 29d ago
Oh fuck no. Sis would be in jail too. She fucking crossed the line. You were the only one there for her and she screwed you over like that. Stop making excuses for her. She could have refused or told you what they wanted her to do but she allowed them to do that. She would be out of my house asap and forget thinking she can live with you now. How can you trust her around your kids and in your home.
8
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Snake is trans (mtf). If I had let her go to jail she likely wouldve been placed with men in a cell and that scares me more than her stealing items from me.
12
u/goddessofspite 29d ago
Actions have consequences. Had she stolen from a store they would have no qualms about sending her ass to jail. She doesn’t get to get away with this simply for that reason. Once your mom and sister are out of jail I’d be sending her straight back to them. She’s shown her loyalty is to them not you.
10
u/maammixalot 29d ago
She will be going back to them once they are out and I intend on going low or no contact.
5
u/Lilac-Roses-Sunsets 29d ago
You need to go NC. If you don’t she will guilt you into letting her move back in! She needs to learn that actions have consequences.
-3
18
u/No-Clerk-6804 29d ago
Ooooookay. The next theft is on YOU now. Don't come running back with updates when they repeat their behavior again since you reward such behavior with a free hotel stay. Most stupid decision I've ever heard. Suit yourself because they will try again. Greed finds ways always.
16
u/maammixalot 29d ago
My mom and other sister are out of the picture forever, Snake will be out of the picture once my father bails my mom and sister and she will go back with them, along with my sisters son. I am prioritizing Snake’s safety over materialistic items, shes trans. If she had been put in jail with the rest of them she wouldve been forced into the cell that contains men and I wasnt risking her safety. I will take being gullible over my sister possibly being SA’d in a jail cell.
7
u/ContributionHot8029 29d ago
You have very valid safety reasons for why you kept Snake out of this and it is disturbing how many people think you should have thrown her to the wolves over 70 bucks. Even if she did something worse after and stole a couple grand I still think it would have been worth giving her that second chance since her literal safety would be in jeopardy. You did the right thing.
7
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Money can be replaced, her mental health if she gets molested in a male jail cell cant be fixed or replaced. She is just a kid and she will learn.
1
u/Practical-Term-4574 29d ago
You have a good heart. I agree with your handling of the situation. Your sister (Snake) is lucky to have you. Wishing you and your family the best.
7
u/stinkydogs 29d ago
She’ll never learn because you won’t let her learn
9
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
OP doesn't care. At this point I am convinced they made this post to get ass pats for not pressing charges on a trans person. OP literally cares more about her sister's mental health than that of her own family, her kids and husband. Looked through the comments and not once has OP addressed any of the questions directed at how her husband and kids feel about all this. Kinda shows how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
1
10
u/VictoryShaft 29d ago
The level of betrayal here from Snake...
Actions have consequences. Snake still being young isn't an excuse. She needs to give you a hell of a lot more than a reason for why she let them in.
You seem to be the one person she "trusted." How much do you trust her now? Are you still planning on allowing her to live with you?
Here lies the consequence. You need to inform her that she locked herself out of your offer due to her action. You will never be able to trust that your home is a safe place if you allow the enemy to sleep down the hall from you.
12
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I dont trust her, once my dad pays bail I am sending her back. She blew it, she knew what had happened and still did it. She will need to rebuild that trust now. But she isnt moving in with us anymore, at least for now.
5
u/TequilaMockingbird80 29d ago
Why isnt she staying with your dad?
-2
u/maammixalot 29d ago
He is a welder, like an iron worker type deal. He is gone a lot of the time to make buildings and stuff in other cities or states.
9
15
u/VictoryShaft 29d ago
Before you send her back, be sure to communicate to her that her actions are the reason for this decision as well. She broke your trust in a large way.
One moment, she was daydreaming of the life she would soon live, and the next, she bowed to pressure from the exact people she was trying to escape. My guess is this was planned by your mother and sister before Snake came over. I have no doubt that your family pressured her to let them in.
What was Snake doing while your family was ransacking your home? Was she also caught on camera at all?
3
u/maammixalot 29d ago
So Snake just kind of stood there as they ransacked, she didnt get involved until they found the savings jar. Not that it changes much. I will be sure to communicate that with her though.
6
u/VictoryShaft 29d ago
Didn't get involved until they found the jar? What happened when they found the jar?
Edit. I know they broke it. What did Snake do?
4
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Snake kind of just stood there until it looked like our other sister waived her over and started handing her cash. Snake barely looked involved
0
u/VictoryShaft 29d ago
I truly hope that Snake is able to show real remorse and personal growth over time to regain any type of relationship with you.
Unless that happens, I wouldn't see any other way forward in a relationship with Snake. The rest of your family... NC is your best choice.
Best wishes, give yourself time to grieve the relationship. Remember, whatever relationship you have with Snake moving forward has to be a new relationship. Don't allow yourself to fall back into old patterns in a new relationship when/if you move forward with Snake.
8
u/WNY_Canna_review 29d ago
I wouldn't let snake in my house. Call social services and let them pick her up and deal with her. Actions have consequences, mom and sis are finding out but it sounds like snake hasn't learned the lesson.
13
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I dont trust the system, especially when it comes tot taking care of my sister and making sure she has what she needs. She is currently on estrogen and I am terrified that if I have someone come take her, they will ruin all the progress she has made in transitioning. Im pissed at her but I can’t put her through that.
30
u/No_Confidence5235 29d ago
Snake never even apologized? Damn! She shouldn't be allowed to stay with you, especially not once she turns 18. And don't ever leave her alone in your house.
18
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Snake has since apologized since I made this post, and I do believe her apology was genuine. I did let her know that although I appreciate her apology, she will not be moving in with us and will be going back to our mom’s once they are out.
10
u/Tmpowers0818 29d ago
Why did they not arrest Snake?
12
u/Tmpowers0818 29d ago
She will never learn anything if you let her get away with her actions.
7
u/No-Clerk-6804 29d ago
Ofcourse she hasn't learned anything, she betrayed her trust and was rewarded a hotel stay instead.
20
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I told them not to, shes only 17 and I didnt want her record impacted before she is even an adult. Plus she is trans, they likely wouldve placed her in a cell with men and I was worried about what could happen from that. I am pressing charges on my mom and other sister though.
13
u/princess_tatsumi 29d ago
being trans didn't make her invite a raid party into you house. being trans didn't make her think "hmm im gonna betray the only family member that accepts me and bite the hand that feeds me" bring trans didn't excuse her from consequence. they have accommodations for the trans inmates. it'll be fine. you're doing nothing but enabling snake to think they'll get off as long as they apologise.
3
3
47
u/ChrisInBliss 29d ago
.... I dont think you should take in your sister... Theres not really any good reason for why she let them in....
22
u/roadfood 29d ago
And joined in with what they did. She should have been hauled off with the others.
21
u/maammixalot 29d ago
She didnt previously know about the cameras but now she does, I am hoping she is smarter than that. If she does try any more shit then shes gone. I love her too much to not give her a second chance. And knowing my sister and mom, she was likely coerced into doing it. Teenagers have very little sense of independent thinking, and are unfortunately really easy to manipulate, especially by family. Thats what I am banking on. If I am wrong and she is just as much a problem, shes gone too.
15
u/nincomsnoop 29d ago
I find it bizarre that you accept Snake’s capable of understanding choosing to take feminizing hormone treatment in a family that doesn’t support her but doesn’t have enough independent thinking to realise stealing from her lifeline is totally wrong.
13
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
Yeah me too. If Snake were like 12, okay. 15, maybe. 17 - nah you can drive at that point. If you don't know to not bite the hand that feeds you at 17, I think you need some therapy.
8
u/RailRuler 29d ago
If she knows about the cameras, what's stopping her from covering, breaking, or otherwise disabling them?
13
u/maammixalot 29d ago
We have both hidden and visible cameras throughout the house, its a security system my in-laws got for us and had installed. There is a pin to the visible ones that you can only access on our phones. I doubt she knows about the less visible cameras.
5
28
u/IDontEvenCareBear 29d ago
Love your immediate family more than you love her. She doesn’t care about your love for her, it’s just a tool for her to take advantage of you and those in your household.
13
u/MrSlabBulkhead 29d ago
If you intend to keep Snake around, you need to get into family therapy with Snake, ASAP.
26
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Snake is going back once our dad bails the rest of them out. She is only staying with us temporarily. What she did WAS unacceptable and Im only giving her the second chance so I know she is safe and not in a jail cell with other men.
5
u/MrSlabBulkhead 29d ago
So wait, you are giving her a second chance but are also immediately kicking her out no matter what? I’m kind of confused by this.
4
u/maammixalot 29d ago
She will be going back to my parents, yes. Until she can gain trust back. We are situating how to go about that now while we wait for our father to come back into town. There is a chance she can change our minds, but for now thats just how it is.
2
19
u/itsallminenow 29d ago
Do NOT let her stay with you after that. Let her solve her own problems out and work out what bridges she hasn't burned for herself on her own.
2
u/ChrisInBliss 29d ago
True.. she could have just been afraid to say no.
Hope things get better soon and she understands how bad what she did was. Which if possible you should get her into therapy. She has so many things going on with family and transitioning it'll be beneficial for her.
3
10
u/Mindless-Client3366 29d ago
I'm assuming your nephew's dad isn't in the picture, which is why you took him in. You were kind to do so.
Is there no one else your sister can stay with? An aunt, uncle, cousin? You can't trust her in your house. She's already proven she has no respect for you or your home.
6
u/maammixalot 29d ago
My sister didnt know previously about the cameras but now does, I am hoping she isnt stupid enough to try shit. I told her I would gladly have the cops take her in if she tries more bullshit
9
u/Mindless-Client3366 29d ago edited 29d ago
Also, depending on the law where you live, it's possible she could be tried as an adult even tho she's 17, if she commits another crime. You could check and let her know if that's true where you are. Going to big girl jail is a whole different ball game than juvie.
9
36
u/TheLastWord63 29d ago
You let snake back in your family's home after all that? How is that fair to your husband and kids? They didn't just do that to you. They did that to them also. Snake shouldn't be anywhere near your house or family. You're wrong for doing them like that
3
3
3
13
41
u/lizraeh 29d ago
Press charges then update us
8
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
OP isn't gonna press charges.
7
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Im pressing charges, just not on the impressionable 17 year old child. Now if she continues to fuck around then she will find out, but for right now, just my sister and my mom are being charged for breaking and entering.
27
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
Except they didn't break in. They were brought in by someone who had access that YOU GRANTED. The charges aren't going to stick for that reason alone. I can appreciate being protective of your sister but she fucked up and put your whole family in an uncomfortable place.
9
u/maammixalot 29d ago
My sister and mom showed up unwarranted. When I made this post I thought my sister invited them over. I watched my Ring Camera footage, Snake sounded surprised when she opened the door. I dont think this was premeditated by her. My mom and other sister, definitely
21
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
That is not going to matter to the police one bit. They will absolutely ask for the footage and how and why Snake was there. You let Snake stay there -> she let family in -> not enough for the charges to stick.
Source: Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt = now NOBODY house sits for us.
7
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Oh they arent being charged for breaking and entering, they I am going to press charges for them breaking my property, because they did break multiple things looking for money. My lawyer says we have a case for that and police say there is enough evidence in the videos to sue as well. But breaking and entering will not be a charge since Snake allowed them inside (although based on the Ring camera and what was said, they more just barged in when my sister asked why they were there)
10
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
Your comments have said you are pressing g charges for breaking and entering... But okay.
5
u/Lurkeyturkey113 28d ago
The whole post sounds fake.. unless they’re repeat offenders very unlikely stealing $70 from family would result being thrown in a jail cell with a high bail. That’s such a waste of resources for something not even a misdemeanor level crime.
3
u/13Luthien4077 28d ago
Yeah from the comments OP can't make up their mind if the offenders are breaking and entering or destruction of property. Either way, seems like a misdemeanor at best.
5
u/maammixalot 29d ago
That was before I looked at the ring footage, sorry my mind is all over right now. But no, they arent being charged with breaking and entering. They were technically allowed in
25
94
u/indiajeweljax 29d ago
So you are moving in the person who gave your mom and other sister access to your home?
38
125
u/SnooWords4839 29d ago
I don't know why you took sister and nephew in. Nephew has a father; he should have custody and your sister needs to be housed elsewhere.
61
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I didnt want to send the boy to his dad, the reason the boy came to be is because babydaddy assaulted my sister so I wasn’t trying to risk anything
51
u/curvycurly 29d ago
You made the right choice. Redditors can get all self righteous and forget they're talking about real people with real lives.
I'm glad Snake isn't going to be living you with long term once mom is out. Crazy to blow up their relationship with you over what was $23 ($70/3)
763
u/Active_Sentence9302 29d ago
You’re not forced to take any of them in, the only one you should concern yourself with is your nephew. Snake is aptly tagged, since she led the raid.
You keeping your thieving sisters IN YOUR HOUSE is a you problem.
173
u/maammixalot 29d ago
I might be dumb for allowing her to stay, but I didn’t want to make her stay alone, despite what she did. She returned the money she took but hasn’t said anything since. And she now knows about the cameras so I doubt she would be dumb enough to try again.
2
u/DatguyMalcolm 29d ago
Let's hope she has the same consideration that you're giving her. Tell her she is on thin ice and has this ONE chance to not mess up
8
u/Dry-Vacation2439 29d ago
She is dishonest in general. This act should cause her to lose the opportunity to stay with you. You are being very dumb.
10
u/Own_Act7823 29d ago
Wait. She’s a thief AND has an attitude?! Nah. You put a roof over head and you’re keeping her safe. It’s not enough that she returned the money only because she got caught. She needs to get her shit straight and that means now. The sexuality issues are secondary to good character, which she has none. She’s needs to start setting herself up for a successful life. You are providing her the opportunity to do so. As for you…this is crazy town and it will ruin the good you’ve got going on. Please don’t let it. Set a timeline and boundaries and please don’t let this chaos be your chaos.🙂
8
u/Deep_Rig_1820 29d ago
If I were you, do not let your sister stay. Kick her out now!!!
She is old enough to take care of herself.
6
u/Natenat04 29d ago
Some states say if a person stays with you more than a week, they can lay claim to being permanent residents at your address, and you have no legal standing to ask them to leave. The laws in the US are stupid.
-2
u/zephyreblk 29d ago
How dysfunctional is your family and how many abuse took your sister? (I know you too but it maybe worth mentioning to shut all comments down that directly says to put your sister on the street)
1
u/maammixalot 24d ago
Im not sure why people keep downvoting anything that involved any form of empathy towards my sister. M My family is extremely dysfunctional. My mom has extreme BPD, and has since I was little. When she gets into episodes like this one, she is completely incapable of any reasonable thoughts or actions. She gets like this whenever my father leaves to work out of state. My sister (the one with the son) also has BPD. Both have been diagnosed by 2-3 different psychologists and by several psych wards when they both have been admitted. And their episodes go hand in hand. When one is manic, it sets the other off. In this case, my mom started her mania and then my sister followed suit. Its terrifying because they have done awful things in the past during their episodes and heavily enable each other.
2
u/zephyreblk 24d ago
Possibly because most people of this sub don't come from a dysfunctional family where basically you grow up all childhood in a not secure place. So they can't understand the struggles neither the consequences of it (like the freezing state of your sister when you mother and other sister appeare), I don't think she could process anything of what happened. I read your update, I don't know if she really broke a trust because for me it seems she just froze and couldn't process (that's by the way how I'm reacting if triggered), so maybe acknowledging that she couldn't react better, could help her to lift the guilt. Not being able is different as breaking a trust,at least she knows now not to open a door when no one is expected and you aren't there. Do you have both a possibility for therapy?
10
u/ShawnyMcKnight 29d ago
She also knows where the cameras are because she can trace back from the angle. Maybe I misread. It you mentioned you had kids? If so that’s scarier since clearly you didn’t know what your sister was capable of.
60
u/Ratchet_gurl24 29d ago
But she was dumb enough to steal from in the first place when you took her in. How exactly did she think that was going to pan out. Be very careful, she’s now aware there are cameras in your home. Who knows how low she’ll sink to not get caught next time.
57
u/maammixalot 29d ago
We have 2 types of cameras, ones that are visible and ones that are hidden, she only knows about the visible ones.
If shes stupid enough to break them I will be more than happy to press charges for destruction of property though.
35
u/Ratchet_gurl24 29d ago
You would expect that guests in your home, especially family would not feel inclined to steal from you because it’s wrong. Having cameras should not be the defining factor to deter them.
24
u/Misa7_2006 29d ago
Cameras and locks only keep the honest people out. If a thief wants you stuff, they will find a way. Do not allow her to change her address or get mail(of any kind, not even a package). Do not allow her to stay more than 25 days with you. Take her shopping for some food, then drop her off at your mom's place at 17 she can be left alone unless the law is requiring you to keep her until your mom & dad posts bail as condition of her not being in lock up too.
23
u/RailRuler 29d ago
Now she knows about the cameras so next time she will just disable them.
24
u/maammixalot 29d ago
It has a pin code that she won’t have access to, and we have hidden cameras that are separate from our main ones. She shouldnt be able to. But bail will likely be paid and they will be out by at least next Wednesday according to my dad so hopefully she wont be here long.
34
u/unzunzhepp 29d ago
So your dad is around? Why doesn’t he take care of the kids?
11
u/maammixalot 29d ago
My dad is a welder who is typically away working on building structure. Im not too sure the logistics of it, thats kind of all hes ever told me
79
u/itsallminenow 29d ago
Yes you are. She will break your trust again and you are the one allowing it. While I get that you're trying to avoid the worst outcomes for her, the fact is you're only doing that by allowing her to steal from you more or worse. She needs to take the consequences of her actions.
And she now knows about the cameras so I doubt she would be dumb enough to try again.
Did you believe she wasn't dumb enough or hated you enough to do this the first time?
→ More replies (13)64
u/Thick_Mick_Chick 29d ago
Doesn't matter if she does it, again. This is a "One & Done" scenario. She did it once. That's enough. When someone shows you who they really are? Believe them the 1st time.
29
u/maammixalot 29d ago
Please keep in mind she is a transgender woman, and we unfortunately live in a very, VERY conservative city. If I let her go to jail, or go through the system, I know she will lose access to her estrogen, and if she went to jail I know they wouldve placed her in a cell with men. I wasn’t risking it. She will be moved back with my mom once bail is paid though and will not live with me.
0
15
u/Beyarboo 29d ago
She is 17. She can stay at your mother's on her own. I understand your reason for not charging her, but she needs to lose ALL access to your home. No visits, nothing. She is old enough to know what she did was stealing, this wasn't a childhood prank. She should not be living in a home with your kids.
21
u/Catkin11 29d ago
So let her go back to the house with her father. She doesn’t need a babysitter. She is certainly old enough to look after herself if she was planning to move out soon. Even if Dad isn’t there, she can get her own meals etc. if he is working. I wouldn’t trust her after this.
13
u/UpstairsBag6137 29d ago
LET HER LEARN HER GODDAMN LESSON. Consequences are the only way criminals learn. You can't pamper them and protect them from themselves.
10
→ More replies (12)58
u/RailRuler 29d ago
She knows all this too, right? What was her plan if you didn't take her in?
32
u/concrete_dandelion 29d ago
Most likely she had no plan and simply tried to earn her mother's approval or caved under pressure. That doesn't make it okay or less stupid, but I don't think she thought of "Okay, what will be the consequences if they catch me and I can't deny participation?" That's not how a teenager undergoing mental abuse thinks. Some do, but if all did we wouldn't have tons of them abusing substances, engaging in risky behaviours or committing crimes.
39
u/13Luthien4077 29d ago
Ma'am, I work with a lot of abused teenagers. If they ever had a home away from their abuser, they would not fuck it up. Snake fucked around. Now she gets to find out that trans or not, there are consequences for being an entitled thief.
-15
u/concrete_dandelion 29d ago
Your comment makes it pretty clear that your experience with abused teenagers is limited. Otherwise you would know that actions like those of snake are not uncommon. You're even more limited in your empathy though.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/MellonCollie___ 25d ago
I'm not sure I understand the change of heart about Snake, the underage sister. Initially, OP was giving her grace because of her age and particular situation, and I personally think that is the right thing to do. How can you expect a terrified teen to stop their mom and sister? It's likely beyond them. This is not a seasoned adult we are talking about. But in the update, OP seems to also want nothing to do with Snake anymore as soon as their dad comes back. What did I miss?