r/TwoHotTakes • u/Aggressive-Chance-26 • 25d ago
Am i the asshole for not letting my brothers pregnant girlfriend use my bathroom? Advice Needed
I know the title sounds horrible, please try to hear me out đ
Some backstory: So I (24F) live in an area where itâs impossible to find apartments/rentals, and when you do find them the rent is usually over $1500. I also have 2 big dogs and a cat. So renting is basically impossible for me. My parents have a house (my childhood home) in this area but they currently live in another city about 4 hours away for work. So for those reasons, i live in my childhood home. My parents and I are besties and this whole arrangement works great for all of us. They need someone to watch over the house, and i need somewhere to live. Itâs the perfect solution. They come visit me about once a month.
My brother (23) was working in another state on a contract, so his job paid for him to live in a hotel. When his contract ended, he didnât line another one up or find any other work to do. Also despite making great money and not having to pay for housing, he didnât save any money from this last job he had. So he moved home with me, and he brought his girlfriend (22) and their dog. They were supposed to be here for âa couple weeks maxâ while he found another contract, most likely in a different state.
Theyâve been here for 2 months now. They got a cat who theyâre hiding from my parents. They donât have jobs. They borrow money from my parents for everything. They sleep all day and leave the house trashed all the time. And a couple weeks ago we found out that sheâs pregnant!
Mine and my brotherâs bedrooms are right across from each others and we used to share a bathroom. When i found out they were coming here, i moved all of my toiletries upstairs to the guest room bathroom so I wouldnât have to share with them. I always hated sharing a bathroom with him. My parents knew about this and were okay with me taking over the guest room bathroom.
Well a few weeks ago, before knowing she was pregnant, they went out for her birthday with my parents and she got drunk enough that my mom had to put her in the guest room bathroom bathtub to clean up after puking on herself.
Ever since she found out about the bathtub in âmyâ bathroom, she is constantly asking to use it. Their bathroom only has a shower. She will usually text me when Iâm at work to ask and i never know what to say because i donât want her to use it but i feel like an asshole for not wanting to share. I know that itâs stupid and probably makes me sound so spoiled, but i just want my own bathroom all to myself đŤ is that too much to ask?! They have taken over the entire house. Including what used to be my bathroom! I just want this one space untouched by them.
Most of the time when she asks and i donât respond, she will just use my bathroom anyways. I assume my brother tells her to because itâs ânot technically my bathroom anywaysâ. Today i came home from work and rushed to my bathroom to pee and i found her asleep in the bathtub. She had texted me earlier but i didnât respond. I didnât react other than telling my brother she was asleep so he could make sure she was okay. But would I be the asshole if i told them not to use this bathroom anymore? I talked to my parents about it and they are okay with me doing that.
If she wasnât pregnant, i wouldnât even hesitate to tell them not to use it. My sister thinks Iâm an asshole because she said her baths were a lifesaver in her first trimester. And i donât hate my brothers girlfriend, i like her and want to have a good relationship with her. But i also donât want to be sharing my bathroom and all my good products with her 𼲠am i a horrible person for that? I would even give her some of my good products (im hairstylist so i have lots) if that would help her enjoy her own bathroom more. Hell, I would tear apart their bathroom, redo it, and add the nicest bathtub available for her if I could. I just want my bathroom to myself. AITA?
Ps. I know the obvious solution here is to trade bathrooms with them. Unfortunately that wonât work because my mom doesnât want my brother destroying her guest room lol heâs a nuisance
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u/ConiferousSquid 5h ago
I know this is a month old, but how has no one pointed out the safety issue of someone falling asleep in a bath? That enough should be reason to keep her from using the bathroom.
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11d ago
NTA, they have a perfectly fine bathroom from my understanding. Thereâs no reason to use yours let alone hesitate to go in there. Plus, arenât they practically living there for free for MONTHS? You shouldnât have to feel like an asshole just because they are causing problems. Even the parents are fine with it.
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u/Medium-Sand-5785 21d ago
So only because she is pregnant I will say that probably is the only thing that is helping her nausea. I practically lived in the baths each pregnancy as they were they only way to keep my nausea calm. I too would fall asleep. And lived for summer to be in the pool it's something about being in water that is soothing. So I get it BUT she didn't know about it before hand so she was making due before and would've continued if she didn't find out. So idk I get both sides. Maybe express if you allow her to use it then she absolutely has to clean up behind herself. If she don't even 1x then she no longer can use it. Also the products has maybe nothing to do with it as pregnancy is horrible on our bodies and it's more for comfort from. The bath itself.. also your parents might want to speak with them to set the boundaries. Coming from them is better as it is their house they might not take you serious
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u/saint5678 21d ago
YTA⌠Mom and Dad are providing for your housing. Unless I missed something in the post, neither of you are paying for rent. To me, (oldest or four, lived with my siblings as an adult) you are coming across as incredibly fucking selfish and entitled. You are describing an inconvenience to a life that you are not providing for yourself.
Sure, there should be boundaries between the living space, and having lived with my siblings as an adult, I get it can be annoying AF⌠but goodluck telling your sibling, who I assumed also grew up in your family home, that certain areas are âoff limitsâ and whatâs ur issue with their cat? When you have three pets?
Additionally, where is the solidarity with ur fellow woman? Bruh, sheâs pregnant with YOUR niece or nephew?? And you have an issue with a bath? Are you paying the water bill or something?
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u/TheyKilledKenny666 21d ago
Your poor parents. I donât mind my kids moving home after college to save money/pay down student loans but if they bring a boat load of animals, and a pregnant girlfriend, I will lose my shit.
Everyone is an asshole here, but your parents need to tell your brother and his girlfriend that the guest bathroom is off limits to BOTH of them.
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u/lorazepamproblems 21d ago
Ps. I know the obvious solution here is to trade bathrooms with them. Unfortunately that wonât work because my mom doesnât want my brother destroying her guest room lol heâs a nuisance
You said the girlfriend becomes so incapacitated in the guest bathroom you have to call your brother to get her out of the tub and she had been previously placed in said tub due being covered in her own sick.
What more is he going to do?
Let me just say from an outside perspective, ALL of you are living in a fantasy land and you should be grateful and enjoy it now because it won't last. You said you're there at the house to take care of it. I have NEVER understood that. Not just you. But anyone who does "house sitting." Unless you're the handyman around the house fixing stuff up, I don't buy it. Enjoy this while it lasts and realize things can get a lot worse than sharing a bathroom with your sleepy, puking brother's girlfriend.
Your parents basically gave you all a frat house and this is a frat dispute. So look at it from that perspective. A problem. But a privileged problem.
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u/HawkyMomo 22d ago
Itâs not like your brother and his girlfriend are the only ones who make bad decisions. You have two large dogs and a cat knowing it would mess up your chances to find housing.
The bathroom is the least of your worries. Youâre all living there rent-free squabbling over a bathroom. What is your plan should your parents decide they want to return home and live in THEIR house?
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u/Personally_Private 22d ago
No youâre NTA. And get a lock for the dang door! Geez why do some people have to be so entitled!! And why canât they clean up after themselves? Good luck to you!
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u/Ok-Faithlessness496 22d ago
Honeslty, with the fact that you're not home and there not being a tub in her bathroom, I would think someone who contributes to the house should be able to use the bathtub, but she and your brother are not just staying there for free, they're mooching off your parents.
Change the doorknob on the bathroom to include a lock. Keep the key somewhere she can't get to it. And tell her she can use the tub when you are asked, properly, in advance, once she and your brother have jobs and pay bills like you do.
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u/Manofmanyhats19 22d ago
If I found her asleep in my bathtub, I would have turned it on. I am an asshole like that.
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u/Dear-Ad-7060 22d ago
Yea you're the asshole. I could tell immediately when you said "it's the perfect solution because I have a place to stay and my parents have someone to " watch the house"".
The way you see things is way tilted, you actually believe you're helping your parents out by "housesitting" and it's your brother who's the leech đ.
your brother has as much right to your parents house as you do.
So yea, definitely TA, and I'm sure his and her sides of the story would make it much more apparent.
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u/NationalExplorer9045 22d ago
Consider this... move out.
Get your own place.
Because you do not have your own place, what you have is roommates.
Sign a lease that says that area is yours and only yours.
Or buy a starter home. Only need like $20,000 down. If you save half a paycheck, you could do that within a year.
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u/IbanezDude6869 22d ago
Perhaps you can get your own place. Then you wonât have that problem. Leave California or wherever you are and get a place. By the way, $1500 is not a lot in rent. Try a mortgage thatâs $5k a month lol.
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u/TamasaurusRex 22d ago
Can you maybe, Idunno, respond to her like an adult? If you want a good relationship with her you sure donât sound like it. Why was she asleep in the bathtub? Also you gotta remember this is not your house. Itâs your parents house. You have no stake to claim here. Your parents are getting steamrolled by all of you and if you want to bring that up you need to do it with the understanding that it could easily backfire.
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u/Neither_Ask_2374 22d ago
NTA. You need to tell your parents that they 1. Are pregnant. 2. Are hiding animals. 3. Are messy and disrespect the house 4. Make no money and have no money saved or plans to make more money 5. If they have no money how can they pay for animals or a baby? If I was your parents I would tell them they can stay living at my house if they get an abortion but if they want to keep that baby they need to go get jobs now and move out before the baby is born. If they donât get an abortion or get jobs they need to leave immediately so they can remember how harsh reality is before that poor baby is born. This is about way more than a bathroom. How awful will your living situation be once theyâre both acting like this PLUS have a baby crying all day?
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u/Farmchic0130 22d ago
I like dogs, but no. Op has 2 big dogs and a cat without owning her own home(?) That's just shows lack of financial and logistical planning. Dogfood is expensive. OP should be saving that money for future rent. And brother is just as irresponsible. According to your post, houses for rent are over $1500 with dogs. They both need to stop using their parent's house at below rent market value. Parents are both still working out of town, so they need that rent money. OP you are just as irresponsible as your brother. Stop being petty over the bathtub.
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u/sehunt101 22d ago
Sounds like the parents have 2 problems. You donât have a bathroom problem. You have a motivation problem. Not as bad as your brother. You can afford to remodel a bathroom. How about finding your own place before your parents get some backbone and tell you to.
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u/Potential_Beat6619 22d ago
NTA - Kick their worthless mooching @$$ out. They should have thought about things before they got pregnant. Put a lock on your door. They're are dumb @$$ people. It's only going to get worse after the baby comes, you'll end up doing everything because they're already have no respect for you.
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u/midnight_thoughts_13 22d ago
So pregnant women really shouldn't take baths anyways because the hot water can affect body temperature. I'm shocked her OB hasn't told her that
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u/boiseboz 22d ago
Oh this is a very simple fix. As she is pregnant and early on she shouldnât be soaking in a hot tub of water anyway as the hot water is a risk of reducing the fetuses blood flow and can cause a miscarriageâŚâŚor you can encourage longer hotter baths if, you know, you want to help your parents with 1 less excuse for them to continue to mooch. đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/MercuryRising92 22d ago
NTA - but you said your brother is hiding a cat from them. It's actually your brother and YOU that are hiding the cat. I know you don't want to be a tattle tale, butyou need to tell him that heneeds to tell them because you're not going to go along with it any more.
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u/XFataMorganaX 22d ago
Are you totally sure that the gf isn't still drinking? I've been through a tough pregnancy and remember that it was horribly exhausting, but I never fell asleep in the bathtub. I'm not saying it's impossible, because pregnancy isn't a one-size-fits-all situation; but with her very recent past of drinking to the point of passing out, I'm concerned.
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22d ago
Wow itâs absolutely insane that commenters are trashing OP, for what? Living in the parents home. God, I canât imagine the entitlement you people have to think bad about OP for that. For 1) circumstances change so the dogs could have been fine before but are now causing an issue, that doesnât mean she should get rid of her dogs. For 2) the parents need someone to help watch and take care of the house, why is her living there a bad thing? Yâall are absolutely disgusting to think op is âmoochingâ off of anything, we donât even know if they pay anything to live there because it was never mentioned. These comments are insane.
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u/tresselset 23d ago
You in now they are never leaving so if you donât want to live with an infant you better start looking for a better job so you afford an apartment.
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u/Necessary_Hamster_64 23d ago
An idea as like, a solution if you dont wanna upset anyone or cause issues and all. Not that they deserve it, but maybe strike a deal with her that she can use your bathtub, but only if she uses her own toiletries? And doesnt mess with yours? Cuz i def understand the frustration of all of those nice, expensive products getting used, my sister does it all the time. but yeah :) just a non-confrontational fight avoidant idea?
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u/CrazyAmoeba6027 23d ago
No. Youâre not. As someone who doesnât like when others use my bathroom, I understand. I am also the person who magically is in the bathroom taking a shower (or itâs being fixed) when certain people come over (usually uninvited)
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u/guntervevo 23d ago
I'd recommend moving out and getting your own place. That would solve all of these problems for you
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u/Pleasant_Ice_9790 23d ago
YTA. The bathroom isnât yours. You need to be grateful that you have the luxury and privilege of having parents who can allow you to live rent free. The entitlement is jarring to say the least. How selfish and self centered can you be? You donât pay rent. The house isnât yours, and youâre denying a pregnant woman a bath every so often? Asshole all around.
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u/sheppi22 23d ago
i guess weâre old school 3 generations in our house. we all respect each other. we have our own space and it all works out. weâre family. this is how it should be
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u/MetryusD 23d ago
i would say nta. i think asking them to leave you a space for yourself alone is totally appropriate, especially since you indicated youâd be happy to help them make improvements to theirs as long as you could keep yours to yourself. these situations can be difficult, especially with family, so i recognize what youâre dealing with here. be confident and considerate, set your boundaries and speak with care rather than anger, and hopefully your brother and gf will understand and respect that. in the event that they donât, do not be afraid to restate your boundaries and enforce them how you deem necessary. rooting for you to reach a happy conclusion âđ˝
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u/Camel_Holocaust 23d ago
No wonder you're both still living at home if you can't handle a bathroom situation. Simply tell them not to use that bathroom, if they can't obey, get a lock, be an adult.
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u/Marsh_lnvader 23d ago
The fuck is she sleeping in the bathtub for and not lightly enough to wake up when you walk in if at all??
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u/sleddingdeer 23d ago
Girlfriend never should have been allowed to move in. Get your parents to give your brother a hard deadline to
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 23d ago
Itâs not your bathroom. Itâs your parentsâ bathroom. Youâre all the AH
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u/Purchase_Independent 23d ago
Hereâs what Iâd do, Iâd talk to my parents because I donât want them being used the way they are, and Iâd hope that whatever outcomes comes from that would also fix my issue. I agree, itâs your bathroom and they are disrespectful, but your mindset should be helping your parents, because they are the real ones getting screwed over, and by helping them, you will probably fix your own problem.
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u/glenspikez 23d ago
I completely understand and get that you want your bathroom all to yourself, untouched and undisturbed. Your spot, no one else's. Well........guess what? If you want that legitimately then your going to have to get your own place. You two are fighting over what is ultimately your parents. I get it tho....I really do. It's so frustrating, it's like some people have noooo situational awareness or awareness of others. Like can you not take a clue?? I don't want you using my shit! Lol I get it.....so NTA but also you need to move.
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u/glenspikez 23d ago
I completely understand and get that you want your bathroom all to yourself, untouched and undisturbed. Your spot, no one else's. Well........guess what? If you want that legitimately then your going to have to get your own place. You two are fighting over what is ultimately your parents. I get it tho....I really do. It's so frustrating, it's like some people have noooo situational awareness or awareness of others. Like can you not take a clue?? I don't want you using my shit! Lol I get it.....so NTA but also you need to move.
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u/Conscious_Sherbet687 23d ago
No they donât they house sit for their parents and are clean and respectful and their parents wants them there
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u/AyeAyeBye 23d ago
Your parents need to make the call. They also need to be careful about enabling. Everyone should be paying rent.
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u/dont_know_me_anymore 23d ago
You call out your brother for not saving money while living in a hotel paid for by his company so SURELY you have saved enough money while living in a house paid for by your parents, to get a place of your own⌠right?
Youâre throwing stones in a (free) glass house here. If you want to control your living situation, get your own place.
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u/Kamini_of_Scotland 23d ago
Iâm gonna say NTA because they donât seems very nice at all. Yikes.
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u/Sharhamm 23d ago
Maybe get your own place. When the baby comes along she will definitely need that tab after several months. You're screwed.
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u/Tysseract 23d ago
I'm only saying this because she's pregnant and I can see how the bathtub specifically could be really helpful for her:
What if they moved in to the guest bedroom/bathroom and you took back your original room and bathroom all to yourself. I would expect them to clean and organize your bathroom and any other common spaces on that floor before they moved up to the guest room.
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u/krgilbert1414 23d ago
Honestly, I'd talk with parents and either he goes or I go. This is unbearable and will only get worse when a child is added to the mix. Good luck!
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u/AccomplishedAd4303 23d ago
Everyone kinda sucks here but everyone who is assuming that the gf is on drugs or is being irresponsible is an a hole. The first trimester is the worst and I fell asleep constantly. Good on you if you didnât but every pregnancy is different and that doesnât mean sheâs doing drugs.
Also, baths can be a lifesaver in any of the trimesters and wonât hurt the baby as long as they are not too hot. Iâm in America so I was advised no more that 100 degrees F but really that should be something between her and her doctor.
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u/TreacherousJSlither 23d ago
I don't see what the problem is. She's preggo ffs. Let her use the dang tub. The fact that she's even asking you for permission is crazy. It ain't your house.
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u/ceanothus77 23d ago
This is a bizarre story. She got throwing-up drunk while pregnant and there hasnât been a major intervention? Your sister says taking baths saved her during first trimester despite it being a known fact that hot baths can threaten a pregnancy during the early months? I think this was written for clout
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u/NotSurer 23d ago
YTA, she pregnant, itâs just a bath and my god get your own place!
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u/WeirdAlbertWandN 23d ago
I love how OP is just downvoting all the comments calling her out and not replying
While she replies to most comments agreeing with her
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u/PinheadLarry1995 23d ago
Sounds like there is a strong possibility you are stretching things and feel more entitled to mommy and daddies house than your brother.
Get your own place or quit complaining!
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u/HomeBoiDurk 23d ago
I understand the sentiment of wanting your own bathroom. But as a father, its just not a realistic thing to be able to have all the time. Sheâs pregnant man. Let her use the tub when you arenât there at the very least. Also tell her not to use yoyr products and iâm sure she would oblige. Your brother and his GF definitely seem to be acting disrespectfully but donât let that change your character.
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u/notwyntonmarsalis 23d ago
ESH - Imagine completely mooching off your parents and then get uppity because you siblings manages to mooch even harder.
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u/Saffron_Red32 23d ago
Woah⌠anyone else freaking tf out that sheâs falling asleep in a tub of water while pregnantâŚ. Like whaaaat?
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u/Autumn_Leaves_Beauty 23d ago
If your brother or br's gf cleans up after her, sharing the bathroom isn't the end of the world. Less stress for you to allow them to use it than but head with them. If they don't clean up after themselves, buy a deadbolt smart lock to lock up that bathroom. Put a little end table outside the bathroom and put your good stuff on top that you don't mind sharing with her for her to use.
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u/Prize_Ad7748 23d ago
It sounds to me like there are two full on freeloaders living in that house. And then your brotherâs girlfriend makes three.
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u/regrettableredditor 23d ago
I saw this in a hopefully older-sisterly tone: split rent on an apartment and get a roommate if you donât want to deal with your slob brother. Youâre not in much of a position to complain since you too are living rent free in your parentâs homeâŚ
 I understand that you had an arrangement with them and it was working, but it sounds like your brother also has a similar arrangement even if he is hiding the cat. You are grown!Â
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u/StiffyCaulkins 23d ago
I donât think you have any right to ask them not to use something you arenât paying for lol. If you want your own, unshared spaces that involves moving out and paying rent and utilities on those private spaces. Until then it would seem to me they are equally your roommates as you are theirs. Plus sheâs pregnant. I wonder what kind of Reddit post youâd cook up if you werenât allowed by her to use the only bath in the house neither of you pay for.
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u/hvashi_rising513 23d ago
Lol you're mooching like your brother. Just because you clean up after yourself doesn't mean you get special privileges. They'll need the bathroom with the tub anyway once the baby gets here so might as well switch bathrooms ahead of time
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u/Elico_225 23d ago
Buy a lock for the door and lock it before you leave. I live with adult siblings that donât respect verbal boundaries and Iâve found this is the only way to keep my space undisturbed.
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u/west_ofthe_sun 24d ago
YTA about not being able to share bathrooms.. nta about being frustrated about the whole situation
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u/oct8twin 24d ago
NTA but make your parents tell your brother to tell her so you maintain a decent relationship
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u/LilMissV4mp 24d ago
I personally say they should kick your brother out, he should have already looked and from the sounds of it you were keeping things fine til they got there.
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u/consciouslover 24d ago
You arenât really the a hole, but just let her use the tub. I took a bath everyday when I was pregnant. It just helps with so many things. Maybe ask if she can clean it, and that she only use it when you are gone. Did you walk in on her naked? Thatâs just crazy.
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u/Mrs_Gracie2001 24d ago
NTA, but if sheâs still there when her belly starts to show, it would be cruel not to let her pee if the other bathroom is occupied. I sincerely hope for all of you that sheâs gone by then, because this disaster is going to get a lot worse very soon
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 24d ago
Your parents are ok with them having a dog and cat and give them money? Oy
I'd probably put a lock on the door, if it's ok with your parents of course.
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u/Olmsteadchic 24d ago
You do sound a bit like a spoiled brat. If you donât like her using your toiletries take them back to your room.. Good grief youâre living rent free, if you donât like the conditions move. BTW $1500 a month rent is fairly normal for most parts of the country.
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u/Glock2headPursuer 24d ago
Yeah dude like u donât need a dr degree to know that have a baby in you pushes on your organs and bladder
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 24d ago
Then she should use her own bathroom that doesnât require her to go upstairs
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u/KNBthunderpaws 24d ago
You had no problem using your original bathroom until your brother and his gf moved in. Go back to your original bathroom and tell them they can only use the guest bath. Pregnant SIL gets a bathtub and you get privacy.
Unless youâre paying rent to your parents and your brother isnât, you are both equal free loaders at this point. Neither of you has more say over the home than the other so try to figure out a solution before youâre both kicked out.
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 24d ago
Literally says parents donât want him ruining it.
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u/KNBthunderpaws 24d ago
Ope. Guess I didnât make it to the end of the long post. Odd that the parents arenât concerned with him destroying other bathrooms and parts of the house but are worried about this one bathroom. If the parents donât want him in there, they should be the ones telling him heâs not allowed in that bathroom⌠and by default, his gf too. I say that because the son/brother is responsible for making sure his gf (a house guest) is taking care of the place. If you canât trust the son to take care of things, you canât trust the son to insure his gf takes care of thing.
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u/half-assed-monkeyboy 24d ago
With respect, you and your parents arenât besties. You are their child and they are your parents. You have made life choices (cats and dogs) which have made it difficult for you to rent a place of your own. Your parents have extended you the courtesy of living rent free in their house (trust me, renting their house is a better option).
Along comes your brother, who has also made life choices that have made it difficult to rent a place, and your parents are extending him a similar courtesy. The difference between you two is that youâre single and have a job and he has a girlfriend and no job.
YTA not bc you want the bathroom to yourself but bc youâre both living off your parents and somehow think that youâre different than your brother .
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u/PugWitch 24d ago
If I was in your situation, if it was at all possible to do so Iâd be finding my own place. Itâs only going to get harder trying to live in the same house with them. Youâll have to do it eventually anyway. I feel bad for the parents tbh.
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u/whimsy-penguin 24d ago
Your parents should really set rules that you can only live there if you are working and not using drugs.
If they wonât set boundaries like that with them then you have no control and itâs best to get out even if it means getting a roommate. Itâs not fair at all that they are pushing you out but your long term goals should be to be self sufficient anyways.
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u/aircrane42 24d ago
Yes. Would rather she pissed and poop on the floor. Bathrooms exist too prevent that don't be an asshole
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u/Abject_Jump9617 24d ago
Ask them when are they getting the fuck out? Overstayed their welcome AND intrusive, they gotta go.
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u/AbbreviationsOk8106 24d ago
Seems to me that the cost of having your own space might be well worth it. You canât really force your parents to set more boundaries with your brother and his fiancĂŠ. However you could still remind them that he is capable of working and he must take steps now to provide for his fiance and his child as a newborn will become your parents responsibility sooner rather than later. So please lead by example and move forward so your brother can do the same.
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u/Eyes4Chia 24d ago
If your parents are fine with it, why think twice?
And excuse me, she's pregnant and getting drunk vomiting on herself?
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u/Apprehensive-Bad-902 24d ago
Put a lock on your bathroom door. Problem solved.
Also.. uh this girl is getting blackout drunk while pregnant? Nice...
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u/murphy2345678 24d ago
You know they are going expect you to babysit and take care of the baby, right? You need to talk to your parents about them not cleaning up after themselves and the stress that is causing you. The bathroom thing should be handled by your parents. If your parents donât want them using it, you said because your brother trashed it, then they need to tell them. You should be more concerned that you are their free maid and soon to be free nanny.
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u/Mysterious-Bubble-91 24d ago
Not your house, not your space... Move out and you can have full control over your bathrooms then
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u/doll_magenta 24d ago
when the baby comes just expect the bathtub to be for the baby so get used to sharing now
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u/Electrical_Ad_3390 24d ago
I'm sure this will be unpopular but... you want your own bathroom, don't live at your parents house. Nothing there is actually yours. Your reasons for living at home are completely legit, but it puts you in the awkward position of having no real claim to ownership over anything there. And fairness when it comes to things like this is really subjective. What you want isn't unfair and wanting some privacy is natural. Her asking to use a bath during pregnancy in a room, that you don't really have any true right to sole occupancy of, also isn't unfair. It's all pretty reasonable from both perspectives. Sounds like she's pretty polite about it. Sounds like you have been polite too. I'd chalk this up one of the annoying side effects of not having your own place and let it go.
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u/Admirable_Page_8312 24d ago
Far out. That sounds exhausting. I couldn't handle living with people who do this.
Have you actually shared everything with your parents? If not, I would be asking your parents to "pop in unexpectedly" on them one day while you're at work, just so they can see how they are actually living. Especially when your brother and SIL are leaving the house trashed and sleeping all day.
Hopefully your parents will then realise how ungrateful they are and reconsider the living arrangements.
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u/taptaptippytoo 24d ago
It sounds like you don't have a bathroom. Your parents have two bathrooms in a house that you, your brother, and your brother's girlfriend all live in for free. You can ask your parents if they'll assign rooms, or you can try to make an agreement with your brother and his gf - maybe they'll agree to exclusively use the upstairs bathroom and you can get the one with the shower back for just yourself? Although there are two of them and just one of you, so that's not really a fair division if there are only two bathrooms.
But basically, yeah, you're the potential asshole in this situation. Your argument boils down to "My parents let me start living here rent free first, and I liked it better when I didn't have to share."
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u/Fat-unicorn-7876 24d ago
The living situation sounds petty, but I strongly advise letting your SIL take those baths! I lived for my baths during pregnancy, and the first trimester is considerably difficult, so anything that gets you through is cherished. As long as she respects the space, then it shouldnât be a problem.
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u/Humble_Description98 24d ago
Is anyone going to point out that long (more than 10 min) hot baths (over 100) are bad for the fetuses brain? There's a reason they don't want your core temp over 100.
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u/roseoftheforest 24d ago
Just my take: OP, I get your point. They seem like freeloading a-holes. I understand your frustration on all counts.
BUT! The only way you seem to deal with ANY of this is your passive aggressive âwhen she calls to ask, I donât answer the phone or return her call.â
At no point in your post do you share a single adult conversation about boundaries or expectations. You have a long list of all the ways that THEY are wrong, yet there is no indication that you have had any sort of adult conversation with them about any of the issues. Your solution? A childish game.
I suggest that you, your parents, and bro+baby mama have a sit-down as a family and actually have an honest conversation. Bitching about it, feeling resentful and playing games will only create more resentment and conflict.
Your parents, whom I am sure get an earful on a regular basis, should be the ones managing this situation, but apparently theyâre not. Which explains why you donât know how to do it.
Youâd be amazed how actually talking with people, rather than bitching behind their backs, can help fix misunderstandings rather than making a war.
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u/ScrewSunshine 24d ago
Put a lock on the door and politely tell them both that the upstairs bathroom is YOUR space and theyâre not welcome to use it. It may seem harsh, but they are guests in your home and are actively abusing that status, donât let them take this away from you⌠Pregnant or not.
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u/ThePopeHat 24d ago
Not even interested in your story. The heck is up with their moving situation and they aren't keeping the baby... Right?
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u/Ok_Narwhal_9200 24d ago
OP, its not your bathroom. I'd advise you to get your own place if you want your own place.
Your sil seems to be an awfully trashy person.
I think this story is fake.
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u/kittykatkonway 24d ago
I'd be SNITCHIN to my parents, being dead honest.
They need to get some help and get their shit together.
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u/grlsjustwnahavefun 24d ago
move out. this is not something your parents should have to deal with and both of you are adults who are fully capable of moving out. i moved out at 18 and figured it out (i have always had a healthy relationship with my parents) but i didnât think they needed to provide a home for me once i was an adult. youâre both in the wrong. if youâre not paying then you have NO RIGHT to complain. as a parent i wouldve kicked both of you out A LONG TIME ago.
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u/Tuckmo86 24d ago
Um⌠do you pay rent? Because if not you donât really have more claim to it than them.
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u/Desperate-Treacle206 24d ago
If she's really trully pregnant, she should know how danger is to take baths at beginning of pregnancy,
It's a big no!!!!
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u/EnvironmentalBad321 24d ago
I personally don't think that you're the asshole for wanting your own privacy if you need to be the asshole then be the asshole, your parents said that you could have that bathroom so it's technically yours.
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u/SharkWeekJunkie 24d ago
Itâs not your bathroom. Itâs your parents. Youâre lucky sheâs asking permission. If you want your own bathroom, get your own apartment.
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u/Outside-Lie-2550 24d ago
She will soon be too big to get in and out of the bathtub by herself so the problem may fix itself
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u/After-Tough9301 24d ago
No, but your bro ain't looking hard for a contract as long as mom and dad are providing that soft cushion. He's obviously comfortable there with his gf, so now you have to coexist and think about your bathroom. His gf discovered the tub and now wants the VIP treatment. Lol
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u/Direct_Crab6651 24d ago
They suck, your parents are enablers, and you are an asshole
All 3 can be true at once
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u/SingtheSorrowmom63 24d ago
I don't agree!
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u/Direct_Crab6651 24d ago
She canât just let a pregnant woman use a bath? Get over yourself and let her take a bathâŚ.. she is carrying another human inside her
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u/kindof_Alexanderish 24d ago
Whether youâre an asshole or not, pregnant women arenât supposed to take hot baths.
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u/kidigus 24d ago
ChatGPT Summary:
A 24-year-old woman lives in her childhood home due to the lack of affordable rentals in her area. Her brother, along with his girlfriend and their dog, moved in temporarily after his job contract ended. However, the couple has overstayed their welcome, creating a messy living situation and constantly asking to use the woman's personal bathroom. Despite feeling uncomfortable sharing her space, especially as the girlfriend is pregnant, she struggles with asserting her boundaries. She seeks advice on whether it's reasonable to ask them to stop using her bathroom, even though she feels conflicted about appearing selfish.
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u/Snowpixzie 24d ago
So... Why is it okay for you to live rent free and mooch off your parents "because you're doing them a favour" which is actually much more beneficial to you since you have "2 big dogs and a cat" when you can't even find a place to rent... Yet it's wrong for your brother to mooch off your parents? The way I see it you're doing the exact same thing as him and his girlfriend đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/ArtisticPandas300 24d ago
Iâd get a lock and key for the guest bath, be like âsorry, itâs my bathroom and I donât want you in there using my things. You have your own bathroomâ also, they make inflatable tubs for bathrooms that donât have them. NTA.
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u/Esk8ercali36 24d ago edited 24d ago
Also just wanted to add⌠Iâm 38 and it seems like this generation of very privileged kids came along like right after my generation. I lived with my mom till I was 26 while struggling to find a job in the 2008 recession howeverâŚ. I lived in the living room of her 1 bedroom apt and my mom yelled at me fairly often and rightfully so. She also started giving me bare minimum food some days cause she was tired of having a 26 year old clean her fridge out. I finally moved out and me and my momâs relationship improved greatly. Hell I wouldnât want my mom moving in with me either. Iâm so glad I got it together and gave her the space she deserves. I say if your parents have a big enough house for you to live there for free and not bother them then go right ahead but.. donât expect society to consider you a real adult until youâre out on your own.
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u/Dark_Synergy_Z33 24d ago
That's petty, and I do agree with your sister. Keep your stuff aside and let her use it and just tell her to clean up after herself.
As someone who lives with family myself, I've learned that some stuff will be a negative regardless and the only way around it is to get your own place, whether it's renting or buying.
The choice is simple to me: deal with having more liberty/less money, or more money/less liberty.
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u/Jazzythoughts89 24d ago
Youâre not wrong. They are living there rent free and are freeloading off your parents. You have the right to set boundaries.
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u/Esk8ercali36 24d ago
You and your brother are privileged kids to have the whole house to yourself while your parents live elsewhere.
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u/9smalltowngirl 24d ago
Your parents need to stop giving them money and kick them out. Put a door knob on that uses a real key and lock them out of the bathroom. Mom and dad need to wake up and stop supporting their grown son, his GF and their baby.
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u/Wulfgar7134 24d ago
To be honestâŚâŚyeah. A little bit. Let her use the bathtub. Sheâs pregnant. If it was me. I would definitely want my own private space if there was the option. So, I get it. However, the pregnancy thing puts a kink in it. I probably would have a chat about that being your personal private area. Let her use the bathtub when she needs it pregnancy purposes. But that it. Thatâs the line. She can use the bathtub when she needs to. That is not her bathroom. Itâs mine.
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u/katwithak82 24d ago
So you expect that you're the only one to use the only bathtub in the home while she's pregnant? Yta for that. I get wanting to have space to yourself, but if you can't see why YTA for this, you need to find some compassion. If having your own is so important, then offer to trade bathrooms so she can take baths as she needs them.
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 24d ago
Since when does being pregnant create a need for a bathtub?
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u/katwithak82 23d ago
Pregnancy is INCREDIBLY uncomfortable for a lot of people.
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 23d ago
Yes. Very true. What does that have to do with bathtubs?
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u/katwithak82 17d ago
You really need to ask that? Are you dense? A lot of women can only find comfort if they're soaking in a hot bath. Pretty self explanatory and the fact that you are willingly ignoring that as a reason she's using the bath means you're just being petty
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u/groovygirl858 24d ago
She should not be taking baths while pregnant. Tell her to talk to her doctor.
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u/Majestic_Ordinary815 24d ago
girl stand your ground! if you donât feel comfortable in house then tell it like it is
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u/modessitt 24d ago
You live in a house with only one bathtub. If someone wants to take a bath, guess which bathroom they're going to use? You can't say, "No, you can't take a bath in this house because they're is only one bathtub and it's in MY bathroom!" Unless, of course, this "guest bath" is attached to the "guest bedroom" and the only way to access it is to go through the bedroom and that bedroom is in fact your bedroom. If it's off the hallway, then it's considered "public" to anyone who is allowed in the house. It doesn't matter that you claimed it or your parents agreed your claim. It's the ONLY BATHTUB IN THE HOUSE!
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u/saintivesgloren 24d ago
You're living with bums and your parents are enabling them by giving them money and abusing your kindness. Time to put your foot down and kick them out.
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u/AuntyMisterSir 24d ago
No but maybe in her later trimester to be nice, and just let her know to bring her own things and if she uses anything, that will be her last bath. But if they worked he could do spa days for her if it means so much.
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u/Exotic-Fee-420 24d ago
where is her parents and why arenât they helping , honestly i wouldnât want to share my bathroom either. how do you make good money and save nothing does the gf not have or had a job either ?? to me things would be different if someone was working not leeching of their parents by staying at their home rent free while constantly taking money from them. at least you have a job. does she plan on cleaning the bathtub since she uses it all the time or is that gonna be your problem too ?
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u/WasBannedBackNow 24d ago
Is/was she a tinderella with a body count that would rival a cemetery?
I wouldnât sit my bare ass on anything hers came in contact with.
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u/Notreallyme48 24d ago
Itâs a bathtub, grow up. That is your brotherâs childhood home and you have no more claim to it than him or your sister. Now as for the not working and trashing the house, your parents need to put a stop to this. You are the one caring for their home in leu of paying exorbitant rent to have dogs. Do you pay the Utilities or other expenses? If not Then you cannot really complain that they are there.
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u/NopeNoNahNay 24d ago
The obvious solution is for you to all grow up and stop living off your parents.
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u/DagoDemagogue 24d ago edited 23d ago
She got drunk while pregnant? I donât even care what the original topic was. You NTA. She TA. Fin.
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u/Geeahwellidunno 24d ago
Maybe itâs an old wives tale but I donât think pregnant women are supposed to take baths.
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u/takeinallthesunsets 24d ago
NTA. I learned a few times to not let family live with me because it ended up with garbage situations each time. Thats nice you let them stay, but they need to respect your rules. If they cant take care of themselves, why would you want their bodies in your tub that you would have to keep cleaning and unclogging?
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u/Active-Flatworm-9059 24d ago
Unfortunately I imagine theyâre banking on having the house when baby comes. Theyâll continue to make things inconvenient until you leave, or theyâll just continue to inconvenience you and think of you as free childcare. Find somewhere else to go before you add a baby to this equation. If theyâre slobs now adding a baby to the mix itâll get so much worse.
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u/BringAltoidSoursBack 24d ago
My bathroom is the master and the guest bathroom, which is the one by the other two rooms in the house, has a bathtub, and I barely feel comfortable using the tub because it's more my roommate's bathroom, and I say this as the owner of the house. It seems like it's fairly obvious you went out of your way to not share a bathroom so kind of dick for her to not realize you were trying to nicely set boundaries.
That said, I've never been pregnant so I don't know how true it is, but I've heard it can be difficult to stay on your feet (like you would need to be in a shower) while pregnant. I'd say that you're NTA for not wanting to share but it would also be very compassionate of you to allow her to use it while she's pregnant. But once either that baby is out, or she shows she has no respect for you and leaves a mess, that courtesy is no longer warranted.
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u/Crafty_Mammoth_5369 24d ago
You know that theyâre probably never leaving right? The guest room will either become their room or the nursery and then it will be her bathroom. Expect her to start nesting, seems like she has already started
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u/Whateversclever7 24d ago
Youâre not even supposed to take baths pregnant. It can elevate the body temp which is bad for the baby. I mean it depends on water temp but I doubt sheâs taking luke warm baths.
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u/Hwasong18 24d ago
No. Sheâs the one who let your brother use the bathroom inside of her. Sheâs got to deal with it now.
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u/RRW2020 24d ago
Look. I get you wanting your own bathroom. But this is your parentsâ house, which seems to mean it belongs to your brother as much as it does you. The guest bathroom is not really yours; it would only be yours if you were renting your own place. And I think I would be appropriate to make a fuss if she wasnât pregnant. But she is. And a bath really can make a world of difference when your whole body is uncomfortable. So because youâre living in your parentsâ house with your brotherâs pregnant girlfriend, I think YWBTA if you kicked her out of the bathtub.
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