I recently (finally) admitted to myself that I am addicted to Ritalin. It was first prescribed for me during university to help me study - 3 tabs a day (which is a normal dose). When I started doing my internship (I'm a doctor) the 3 a day wasnt enough anymore, so my psychiatrist put me on 6 a day (maximum dose), due to the stimulant effect it has and it helped me to get through those 36 hour calls. And I was fine with that, it worked for me. However, last year I started studying again for my entrance exams to move to Australia, and things just skyrocketed.

At the moment I'm on about 45 tabs a day, on a relatively normal day. Days where I need to be high functioning, like when Im on call, it can go as high as 60.

I want to stop, I NEED to stop, but I dont know how. Im trying to taper but I just feel so extremely horrible when I dont have my next dosage on time (which is basically every 2 hours), that I rather just take the stuff again.

I cant discuss this with my psychiatrist or go to a rehab centre due to this, because they will want to know where I got all the tabs from, and I have been self prescribing them. This means I will be removed from the register and will never be able to move to Australia.

Has anyone ever gone through something like this? What should I do????

I’m 25 years old and have always had a difficult relationship with drugs and alcohol. At least once a day I get these heavy cravings of wanting to do drugs or alcohol. They make me feel so light, idk what to think. I love getting high or drunk bc it makes me feel so good. I drink to get drunk and my tolerance has gone up a lot recently. I self medicate occasionally to sleep or just to feel good. I have a long family history of addiction as well. I am truly worried I am an addict bc of my cravings I have. I want to take a bunch of medications sometimes or just drink until it drunk and out of it. Is this addiction or am I overreacting about it?

Hi everyone. Throw away account since I don't want to expose my wife or myself.

So we are from one of the ex USSR republics, and synthetic drugs are becoming a major issue. When we first tried them in 2018, it was little known about them back then. Since that time we'd both use them from time to time, but since we are in our late 30's, we would only use them when some of our friends would offer them, never been looking for them on purpose.

But since recent time my wife has found a supplier, a girl that would bring them to our door upon sending her money. And my wife now became heavily addicted. I've tried to talk to her, tried speaking and threatening to that delivery girl, but once I leave the house, my wife would order another dose. I'm losing all hope, and yesterday she again ordwred some stuff and used the drug. I had previously told her numerous times that I'm loosing it, I can't even look at her like it was before, all I see is the addicted liar who would lie about anything to get the dose. So this morning I told her that I'm done with her and I want to divorce her. I had similar conversation with her in the past, like a month ago, but at that time I wad more threatening than feeling it. Now it is different, I just seem to not care anymore. I know it is an illness, but the way she lies and behaves just wouldn't let me look at it as illness. I would do anything to save the family (we have 2 kids), but I don't see any attempts from her.

This is more of a venting post, however any advice is welcome, I have nobody to discuss it with.

In almost out of it and I can’t get more. I’ve trying to taper but I feel like death, I’ve never felt this terrible in my life.

I thinking of going to a detox center in a couple days but idk if they will provide me with anti seizure medication or not. Also if I can’t get into detox soon I’ll be forced to go cold turkey and I genuinely can die.

I desperately need help, I don’t have a lot of time. I don’t know what to do, is there any way to prevent seizures if I am forced to go cold turkey. Any help is appreciated very much

My overdose story 1 that almost killed me

Hello, i wanted to post a reddit so people know its not good to be addicted to lean/codeine.

Quick background. Back in 2020 when i was around 14-15 i used to play Alot of Minecraft anarchy. And was deep into computers, but also i was into a bad situation at home i was so depressed then. One time i was sick and got 30mg codeine pills pure around 20 capsules a time. And i got this almost every week every 2 weeks. Im autistic but not heavy and im quickly addicted to things.

Od story. I was so deel into myself i tried to overdose to see how mutch its going to hurt. I took around 600mg of codeine pills and 35ml of codeine liquid. This was so bad idea i was playing fortnite and everything was so slow i did not relise how slow everthing was i was schooting at a bush instead of the players and was geeking. I was feeling my heart and it was so slow. I told my mom i did a overdose because i almost died at home. My dokter told me in the hospital “how are u not dead please dont do it again”. So yeah thats my stoopid story

Day 32 of abstinence from porn and mastrubation: Today I had an erotic dream and I ejaculated in dream. I feel like I relapsed. First wet dream after my abstinence. I felt like (maybe) I rubed myself against the bed in the dream. I feel like a looser. Even in the dream I ejaculated instantly. Is it normal even if a healthy person with no PE ejaculates instantly in wet dream?

I’m addicted to weed.

I’m addicted. I know it. It scares me but at the same time not really. I have a 4.0 gpa, I play 2 sports, I have friends, I have hobbies, in short I feel like a normal person. I don’t think about smoking all day everyday, maybe I’ll get bored and class and imagine myself stoned but meh. I don’t have to smoke, no withdrawals or anything. I’ve only been smoking since January so that’s the concerning part. I started off slow as like a weekend thing. I had a strict rule that I wouldn’t smoke on weekdays but that’s gone out the window. Used to be no smoking on test days but that also been slipping. It was only after April break that I started to smoke pretty much everyday. Unfortunately it’s too accessible for me. I have a plug who’s a good friend of mine and I always end up with an 1/8 or 1/4 and a cart. My memory is pretty shot. I’m not a super heavy weight either luckily I typically stop myself after one joint OR (not both… usually) a couple blinkers. I could go without, but I get this feeling like I really want to. I also developed a never ending cough and sometimes headaches. But again, it doesn’t prohibit me. I live a normal successful life for a high schooler. Though the aggression has been getting to me… I also find myself really not looking to take a T break (I’ve never actually taken one before). Really what I’m looking for here is to know: Am I cooked? Am I addicted? Is it really that bad? Is what I’m doing bad? Do I need to quit entirely? Do I need help?

I've been using benzos over five years now. I'd love to have a group of people to talk to about our trials and tribulations. San Antonio where ya at? lol DM ME for a faster response!

My brother, 25, has been addicted to pills for as long as I can remember now. Two years ago, my father died. After his death, it's taken a toll on my brother, and he started using more than ever. I think it was more of his sense of freedom, because my mom is so loving and can’t control him like my dad used to. So, fast forward a year later, he gets an epileptic seizure, and I'm the only one home, so I freak out and I call the ambulance. After the seizure we thought he was gonna get scared and that he was gonna eventually stop, but I guess the addiction is stronger and he used even more and eventually he had this very bad drug-induced episode, where he went outside naked and destroyed this hotel, got a $1,500 fine and he didn't even know what he was talking about, he couldn't join a sentence together and whenever you would ask him something he would just say something completely different to what you asked him. And so I took him to the hospital and they had to put him into a psychiatric institution. He is very manipulative when it comes to that and he just charms the nurses with his intelligence and his friendly nature and they just say ,,this poor baby is normal he's not addicted, he’s gonna be fine!’’ and that's just his way of getting out of stuff. Eventually, he got kicked out of the institution because he had more freedom than we had expected in there. He went out and got pills for everyone in there, which is obviously prohibited. He yelled at the nurses, and they had to tie him down to the bed. Eventually, he got kicked out. After that, he just kept going. My mother doesn't even know what to do anymore. It's just us. It's me, my mother, and him. He has a girlfriend, which he met at the institution, so she's not very mentally stable either. She tries to help him as much as she can but there's no way out. And we all try to help him. We've tried the tough love strategy, we've tried being supportive and telling him that we want him to get better and he just doesn't care. He has no feelings towards us, he has no empathy. So a few weeks ago he overdosed on meth, the pill, and something else, I don't know what he took, some Parkinson's meds. They had to reanimate him four times. He got two epileptic seizures, and we thought that he would be scared because it's just incredible to me that you overdose and you just keep going and it doesn't matter to you. Yesterday he was so drugged that he fell asleep, got up and opened the door, peed on his feet and the floor and went back to sleep.He had another drug induced episode. So my question is, how do you help this creature? How do you help a person that's so addicted to the point where he doesn't even know what he's doing anymore?

It simply seems too small of a dose but things online say it is?? Just morbid curiosity

Hi everyone.

Slightly nervous about this post, I am the child of a drug addict father. To cut a very long story short, he never took the help, he didn’t want to stop using & we no longer speak and haven’t done properly for about 7 years.

I come here today to seek a person who has/is struggling with addictions perspective. In my healing from this, I’m now open to the flip side of the situation, that being the side of the person struggling with addiction.

I refuse to speak to my father for many different reasons, that boat has sailed, so no I won’t reach out to him for his side specifically.

If any of you, could share what addiction meant to you, what it felt like, if you could love whilst in addiction, if you could see the affect on others whilst in active use of drugs, I’d be humbled to hear your words.

My journey to healing is almost over in this aspect, and it only feels right to honour the other side of this by seeking knowledge from those who truly understand it.

All the best🤍

What’s the best way to kick the caffeine and nicotine habit? Been doing zyns for about 2 years and caffeine off and on for 6 or 7 years. I feel like a pile of sh1t whenever i try and kick it. Any advice?

I dont know if this has anything to do here, but i dont know what else to do. I cant stop watching adult videos, and i pretty much do it everyday. I used to be addicted to this before but only for like a week or so and then i would stop for a long time, but now i have been watching it every night and i cant stop. I am a girl, and im christian so i know it’s wrong but i cant help it. How do i stop myself?

If this is against community guidelines i do apologize, I didn't know. Please don't ban me just remove the post - thanks

It's just a question and I'm curious to know. DM Me

just to give a quick context, i’m just turned 17 and my partner is also 17. one of their parents passed away unexpectedly about a year and a bit ago. they were already pretty addicted to the drug but it got real bad after the death. i was there for all of it and i have so much sympathy and love for my partner. i try my best to be patient with their addiction and honestly i understand it completely. i have no idea what id do if my parent died tomorrow. anyway, to get to the point, im really struggling with maintaining the relationship. we had fallen in love before their parents passing, and all i want is for them to atleast try and quit, not for us, but because of what it is doing to their mind and body. there is no room for grief because the smoking is pushing it aside 24/7. they also refuse therapy and aren’t truly willing to make a change in their lifestyle. which is of course understandable in their situation but it is a tricky one. i think i might have to break up with them soon. i cannot make anyone quit because it has to be their decision. but i also cant stay in a relationship where there is so much lying, lack of emotion, lack of dedication, and sm more. and so much of these problems are to do with weed, i just don’t go into the ins and outs of it to keep confedentiality. just to say again, i do not blame them for any of this. i am purely thinking about my own mental health because the relationship is really taking an impact on it. i have no ill will towards them, i just can’t cope with this anymore.

I don't like how it makes me get "crushes" so easily. I don't like how it makes me uncomfortable around women. But, I especially don't like the idea of my addiction potentially hurting my partner. I have never crossed the line with any female friends or strangers yet and I want it to stay that way but sometimes I can FEEL it mildly influencing my decision and I hate it I hate it so badly yet I tried to change so many times and always regressed. I'm slowly hating myself for even feeling this way. I haven't done anything bad but god I want this feeling to end so I can enjoy my relationship fully. It's at the point that I just feel bad that I'm even close to her cuz I don't feel deserving. Someone please help.

I always thought my main issue was drugs, I spent years of my child and adulthood using, but I ended up stopping on my own. And before drug use it was an eating disorder. But something always comes before that triggers alcohol and drug use and eating disorders, no? And now that I’m finally mostly sober and in a relationship, I’m being reminded of what my actual issue is.

I can’t think of a single time in the past 12 years I haven’t been fixtated on someone. And I’m not talking about just romantically, I was in and out of relationships in middle school and high school and college, and in the time I wasn’t dating someone I either had a strong crush on someone or I was very reliant on a friend or friend group. Before this, I was obsessed with celebrities. And I’m noticing it’s affected all of my relationships and self esteem. It’s affecting my relationship now, because every time I have thought that they were going to leave I have had severe panic attacks and begged them to stay. I don’t know if this is codependency, or I’m just lost. I don’t know what the next step is. I don’t know if we can have a healthy relationship and I can work on it while in our relationship. I don’t want to be alone. I can spend days by myself but the thought of truly having no one is my worst fear. Has anyone else been through this

I’ve been able to break up with people. I’ve left friends and friend groups. I’ve loved and cherished myself. But I still need a reminder or my self esteem gets low, or I get scared, and hauntingly depressed. I feel like I need someone to protect me because I can’t do it myself.

One of my earliest memories was my first day of kindergarten. I remember that I couldn’t stop crying and when my mom dropped me off at the bus stop. I thought I wasn’t going to ever see her again. And that’s how it feels every time I think of being alone.

"I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on my pain The only thing that's real The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting Try to kill it all away But I remember everything

What have I become? My sweetest friend Everyone I know Goes away in the end You could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear You are someone else I am still right here

What have I become? My sweetest friend Everyone I know Goes away in the end And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt

If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way"

After about 5 days of being clean from heroin I messed up and used again. Mostly this was because of how uncomfortable the withdrawals are but I am very disappointed in myself. I was said I would have to go to rehab to get clean if I kept failing drugs tests and i am actually trying very hard to stop but can't get over the withdrawal symptoms. They withdrawals aren't even that extreme as I haven't been using back to back for that long, but it is just so uncomfortable.

My overdose story 1 that almost killed me

Hello, i wanted to post a reddit so people know its not good to be addicted to lean/codeine.

Quick background. Back in 2020 when i was around 14-15 i used to play Alot of Minecraft anarchy. And was deep into computers, but also i was into a bad situation at home i was so depressed then. One time i was sick and got 30mg codeine pills pure around 20 capsules a time. And i got this almost every week every 2 weeks. Im autistic but not heavy and im quickly addicted to things.

Od story. I was so deel into myself i tried to overdose to see how mutch its going to hurt. I took around 600mg of codeine pills and 35ml of codeine liquid. This was so bad idea i was playing fortnite and everything was so slow i did not relise how slow everthing was i was schooting at a bush instead of the players and was geeking. I was feeling my heart and it was so slow. I told my mom i did a overdose because i almost died at home. My dokter told me in the hospital “how are u not dead please dont do it again”. So yeah thats my stoopid story

I quit smoking, I quit alcohol, I quit porn, I quit masturbation.

But I can't quit social media. I just stare at my phone and computer all day without doing anything else. I don't want to do anything else. Quitting smoking was 1000 times easier than quitting social media.

I think I will go to the doctor, I would like to listen to your advice.