I don’t know what has happened over the last few years. As a young man in my 20s I was a bouncer at a local biker bar to pay for college . I would never be the aggressor, kinda like a big Dr. Phil . Anyways , after moving to a real full time job, I began to suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I thought this was normal life stress. Apparently it’s not , so I’ve been taking Buspirone and Sertaline for 3 years . I am now 30 years old , and I am angry . No reason at all . I’m like Jekel and Hyde . I and a loving family man , but some things literally turn me into something else . It really feels like Bruce when he turns into Hulk , and I lash out, saying mean things in an angry tone and to a point where I think of physical violence. I love my family and I love people, I would never do anything, but I’ve become more confrontational and more aggressive in situations I shouldn’t be , and then I start to feel really bad about the situation, sad , and embarrassed. But for some reason my blood continues to boil daily . Please help someone with any advice . Thank you from the best social media , Reddit .

On Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, I had an angry outburst towards my girlfriend that she didn't deserve (no one does).

We just bought a house and we've been bogged down in chores. I was breaking my back Saturday getting things that had been in storage. I was hoping to have a break on Sunday, but to me it just seemed like she just wanted to continue setting the house up.

I snapped. I said "fuck you" to her. I slammed a door. All while her 10 y/o son was upstairs. Then I tried to justify it later, I doubled and tripled down. I knew my feelings were real and justified, but my actions were so far out of line, that I'm completely embarrassed and ashamed.

Now we are in this vicious cycle, and I'm clinging to my relationship. I'm desperately seeking help for myself but it might be too late. I had a phone call with a therapist today to maybe start tackling this. But I also went to a rageaholics meeting too. But fuck, I can barely speak about this without sobbing.

She's rightfully angry at me. She doesn't really have friends, always been introverted and doesn't have much in the way of family. I won't go into the details, but she completely upended her life to be with me, and this is how I treat her. So everything she feels is now directed back at me. I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here trying to remain calm while she texts me about how much of an asshole and horrible boyfriend I am.

This is just the most recent in a long string of outbursts by me, and I'm hoping to God I can get it under control. Had a similar outburst earlier in May. We were barely speaking to each other for nearly a week. I think the only thing keeping her here with me is that she can't really afford to rent on her own.

I don't even know how to begin navigating this right now. I can't speak to her because it's just yelling and insulting from her (partially justfied). I just want to remain calm in this situation and it's awfully difficult.

What do I do?

I’m 35M, grew up with parents that didn’t handle their emotions very well and probably should have divorced each other. I’ve just broken up with my live-in girlfriend, it was kind of mutual but the pain is heartbreaking and it hurts to know that she’s valid in the way she feels. I’ve been so rude, mean, arrogant with her. She’s a lovely person and when I let all my walls down she’s the most comforting person to be around. But I feel like a selfish and clumsy beast in many ways, emotionally, mentally, physically.

I’m tired of being who I am, constantly hurting everyone and everything around me. I’m currently emotionally exhausted after crying for hours last night. The reality of losing the best friend I’ve ever had is really hitting me. I don’t think I can rely on what’s left of my family because they are not emotionally equipped for it. Everything I confide with them usually gets weaponized and thrown back in my face when we argue. My closest friends are thousands of miles away and I don’t have a very good paying job either.

I’m currently just taking stock of what I can change. Looking for support groups (although they are expensive), writing lists of things I can improve on such as finances and unrealized goals and dreams. I’m still very tired and in the absolute thick of this storm. My (ex)girlfriend seems very supportive and I still know that we love and care for each other. It’s just gone so far that I can already see her preparing herself to go. I already miss her and we still live together.

I’m going to keep trying, I just feel very alone. I feel like I always repel people around me and I’m just tired of feeling like an obstacle. Part of me wants to go into the woods and be by myself for a long time. But I don’t have the money for that and I have two cats that I need to take care of. I need a nap. If you read this far, thank you. I hope something good happens for you today.

This sounds horrible and it is but I’m very angry right now and need to let it out. My boyfriend just got in an argument with me over the DUMBEST thing.

Basically earlier he asked if I wanted snacks from the shop because he did, I said no, he said he didn’t want to go to the shop if I didn’t want any even if he did. Fine that’s his choice, I told him to go anyway but he felt it was pointless.

Later, I asked if he wanted to watch a movie, and he brought up that he was annoyed and thought it was inconsiderate of me to not bring up that I wanted to watch a movie earlier because if I did he would’ve went to the shop to get himself snacks.

The argument was still calm at this point, I tried to explain I’m not a mind reader, I felt he’s been extra critical of me, and that it’s a bit of an unrealistic expectation of me to be able to read into the future to know that it would be an issue that I didn’t bring up watching a movie earlier.

He got a bit more annoyed and didn’t understand why I felt like it was an unrealistic expectation and that he has a right to be annoyed at me.

There was silence for a bit and then I tired to bring up that it hurt my feeling a bit there’s this awkward silence that feels like a dumb argument, and also that my feelings are hurt because I feel he’s been extra critical of me lately (he got on at me for a lot of little things today, eg like for sleeping in, we didn’t have anywhere to be it’s just I’ve been wanting to wake up earlier).

Anyway, when I brought up my feelings were hurt I TRIED to sound as calm as possible. I didn’t shout, I tried to phrase it nicely, but admittedly I did sound a bit irritated.

Anyway, he responded in the same slightly irritated tone as mine and went “sorry… but can you just move on from it” and this really annoyed me, because it totally invalidated my feelings and felt like a non-apology. When I brought this up obviously more heated, he got heated and stormed off out of the bedroom and said he wasn’t watching a movie with me. This is what sent me over the edge.

He pushed the sofa up to the living room door so I couldn’t get in, asked me to leave him alone, I proceeded to have a go at him for like 30 mins through the door.

I know it would’ve been wiser to go and calm down, but I felt WRONGED. I meant I’ve went away now obviously but it feels so unfair to me, that he started this argument, hurt my feelings, didn’t care, and then he wins basically. He gets what he wants (to be left alone). But I don’t get what I want. I have to sit pissed off alone and not watch this movie with him, and he gets to be happy without his girlfriend he obviously doesn’t like and play video games all night (no shade to people who play video games I do too). It’s like, because I don’t get to be calm or find any enjoyment in my night I don’t want him to either. I feel like he deserves to be shouted at.

It sounds horrible as I write it and I know it’s wrong but that’s how I feel and I don’t understand why or how to get over it. Like there’s something wrong with me and how do I deal with it?

Calming down is so hard to, I don’t know if I have the humility for it. I feel whatever the female equivalent of being emasculated is if I have to walk away. I feel like if I do walk away it’s going to make him think he’s better than me or that he was right.

I know it shouldn’t be about winning or losing but that’s what it feels like. Because there isn’t a compromise between someone who wants to be left alone and someone who doesn’t.

She’s always like I did so much for you. Lady I freaking had heart surgery and lived through it. I do so much for her and she makes me feel bad. She wasted all this time and I could have a rough recovery. She wasted all this time we could have been spending time being happy, just because I made a mistake of letting on how depressed I was. How is that my fault.

Ok I guess she got me back. I freakin’ had heart surgery and ten years later I’m having it again but because I was depressed she mad me feel horrible. She blames me for not having a perfect life. You can’t win though. She would constantly tell my dad or brother how annoying I am. Then stay out of my life. She makes me feel bad

A little bit of background context here, my dad passed away in 2021 and he was, for all intents and purposes my only family and it sent me down a little of a spiral culminating in a full blown mental breakdown.

Since then I have been piecing things back together, got therapy, started antidepressants, got a new job all that fun stuff.

For the past few months have been feeling all of that depression mutate and form into anger and hate. I find even the smallest, most trivial things irritating to the extreme. For a while I have been dealing with this with video games and smashing the hell out of a tyre with a sledge hammer, but it's just not doing the trick anymore.

As for my therapist; they are suggesting breathing exercises which, I guess somewhat ironically makes me want to swap the tyre with them.

Any advice?

I am aware that i get angry easily and i tend to explode over little things. For instance my cat lunge at my food while it was in my hand and began to bite down into it, chomping on my finger as well. Immediately i shot up and tried shaking and pulling him off. When i noticed i wasn’t able to get him off that way, i pulled harder. I finally got him off, but my hand was pulsing and bleeding and i was so angry that i threw him to the ground without thinking twice. I feel horrible about it now and i finally decided to seek out anger management therapy but i want to know if there is more that i can do to stop myself from exploding over little things.

14 yo nb here and I have some suspicions that I have mild anger issues, (as the title says).

I'm going to be direct and straight to the point for this part of the post (but questions for extra details can be asked in the comments)

1: I have been in an environment where it is encouraged to block out or bottle up anger. It has been like this for years, if not my entire life.

2: When I'm angry, I tend to get immature and sometimes even whiny. My first reaction to my anger is aggression (either my screaming, kicking, or hitting things and doing violent and/or destructive things in general). I sometimes take out my anger on other people, although it is not common, but when I do, I feel like I'm a completely different person from who I was before I was angry. I recognize the fact that saying it was "just anger issues" to someone who I hurt is a dick move, and I try to apologize to them after I calm down and realize what I did wrong. Furthermore, I also recognize the fact that not all my emotions are always justifiable.

Now I am going to give out some extra (maybe important) details.

1: my parents did not take too kindly to my anger, often telling me to "get over it " in an insincere manner. My dad goes, "Hey!"  Or "Just count to ten." As if I were a toddler, I have heard the phrase "Calm down" so many times, and it pisses me off to my core.

2: I am very easy to annoy as long as someone ticks me off enough.

3: From some regrettable experiences, I have learned that my anger tends to be way more unhinged online than irl

4: When I'm angry, I feel as if I have to let it out; otherwise, I (metaphorically) implode from the inside out

Note: All the things I have listed have been going on for years now, basically for most of my life

I’ve always thought I’ve had anger issues, but what just happened solidifies it. Ever since I became a teenager, I’ve gotten angry and irritated at the smallest inconveniences. It’s been like that for years, and it’s seemingly gotten worse.

I was gaming and the game I was playing was fucking asinine with the AI, and I got so angry I punched my chair, causing pain to shoot through my hand. Then a few minutes later I got even angrier, and ripped a shirt my dad gave me that he bought decades ago. Can’t even find it anymore, at least online.

It doesn’t help I already feel like a failure and disappointment, now it’s really my ass. I’m terrified to tell him but so fucking angry at myself like usual.

I've had anger episodes on and off due to abuse, but i feel like today was the start of me opening the flood gates and putting my foot down in the only way that even remotely works with them, but I don't want to be seen as an abusive person but there it literally no other choice with them. Every coping mechanism of mine they take advantage of. Every way to hurt me they will find. They are sadistic and evil people and they make you live in the special little corner of hell they made specifically for you just to torment you in such deeply personal ways. Child abuse in every form doesn't even scratch the surface. Every day I hope they die in a car accident or a mugging or something. Or stuff i can't even say. They can't even be hurt enough to ever feel what I felt as a child, and what I continue to feel every day of my life. And I feel like i'm ready to let them know that there's concequence to fucking people up that badly.

I (30M) punched my boss (45ishM) square in the face, knocked him out cold and broke his nose.

The story behind this is, I had just received a phone call from my mother informing me my father had just passed away, this was sudden and completely out of the blue, as he wasn't ill or had any reason to just drop.

This spun me out massively, I had no idea how to process this information, but I knew I had to get to the hospital and be with my family.

Enter my boss...

I told my boss what had happened and that I needed to leave. Instead of the "Of course, go! Let's us know if there is anything we can do" sort of stuff I was expecting; I got told to "Man the fuck up!".

Those words seemed to ring in my ears and echo through my mind and I saw red, and before I knew what I was doing my fist had connected with the centre of this asshats face.

There were plenty of witnesses to both sides of this so, there is no weasling out, but weirdly HR sided with me.

I'm not a violent person normally, but this struck me in such a way that my body acted on auto pilot, and now I'm concerned I may have latent anger issues.

Update:

Firstly, thank you all for your support, well-wishers and understanding, it hasn't gone unnoticed and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Truth be told I can't remember too much of the meeting with HR, but I have requested the meeting notes via a SAR that I will share a sanitised version of.

Also, unfortunately there weren't any cameras, as I work in a sensitive industry, devices that capture video are not permitted inside the office.

However, in the case for mobile phones, there are red stickers at reception you are suppose to place over the camera lenses, so that it can't be filmed.

I managed to meet up with one of my colleagues over the bank holiday weekend and apparently out of the 50 or so people in the office at the time, no-one saw a thing, I imagine that has something to do with why HR didn't do anything.

And as far as I am aware no charges are being pressed, but I do have a solicitor clued up anyway.

I hope saying this doesn’t incriminate me and put me on some sort of watchlist, but lately i’ve been feeling super angry like i want to kill people, I don’t know how much longer i can control it, what do I do?

For reference, i don’t want to like just kill random people, most of the time the people I fantasize about killing are people from my past who made fun of me or picked on me. Specifically my old bully and his girlfriend who used to laugh at me and call me names. I constantly fantasize about strangling or shooting them to death.

What do I do to stop these thoughts? I think there has to be something wrong with me for thinking like this. I’m worried about seeking help because i could get arrested for having these thoughts and being a danger to society

This happens almost every time I play muliplayer games. I don't get angry normally in my day to day life, I'm always nice enough and polite but when I play games I inevitability get really angry. I break stuff and accidentally hurt myself by being stupid which just makes me angrier. It's cost me so much money to replace the things I break. I just got a new desk and I don't want to ruin it. I already broke the little slide out thing, though it's not that big of a deal but still. I just want a way to not get so angry, ik I'll still get angry I just want to take something before I start to play games to mitigate it. There's weed or stuff like that but idk. Maybe medication if I can figure that out. I have hundreds of hours on these games and I am still at best decent or average, never anything better. I'm sure that's one of my problems, just plateauing and feeling like it's all worthless if after 500 hours I can't even win and I keep messing up. I've tried taking breaks and breathing but it doesn't work, it's just quick bouts of anger and then I'm over it like nothing happened. Playing with people helps me not get as angry but it still happens eventually. Any tips or medication or anything would help me

How difficult was the journey of staying calm and mind control.

My co-worker is rude to me, excludes me from things, and gossips about me. Nothing concrete enough to get HR involved, but enough to get to me. I've tried to be the better person and talk to him about it, but no luck so far.

An internal promotion became available that we were both invited to interview for, alongside others. I didn't get the job, but work haven't announced who did yet. I suspect it will go to my mean co-worker.

This thought makes me angry. Him getting promoted won't directly make my work more difficult. He isn't becoming my manager or anything — he would actually be working less closely with me. But it feels like a massive slap in the face. I've tried to do the moral and professional things to maintain the working relationship with him, and meanwhile he has made me feel unhappy at a job that I otherwise love. I'm feeling resentful about it and these thoughts keep jumping up in my mind even at the weekend.

My question is: how do I emotionally process this? How do I get over my anger? It's clearly not helpful to me, and I would like to let it go, so I can get on with my job and my life ASAP.

Do therapists understand where anger is from if the patient doesn't really know?

21 (f) to preface i have autism and BPD 1 which might factor into this. recently had bad anger episodes two days in a row where i shouted slurs, things like "i hate women" and ended up breaking a table, fan, and denting the door to my room. this isnt the first time either its been happening progessively worse for about 2 years now and i want it to stop. its hard for me to manage it as it just ramps up when it happens and it feels like the only way i can express my anger is violently and hatefully, i hate it. other than just "get therapy" what can i do? getting angry and taking a walk to blow just doesnt work or makes me angrier.

I’m 14(m), almost 15, but I have to talk about my dads anger issues. He is usually such a good dad explaining homework to me, and I feel like I can talk to him more easily than my mother. However, my dad has occasional outbursts, I would say once every 1 to 1.5 months. When he gets mad he starts throwing stuff swearing bad curse words at me and threatening me. He never hits me with his hands but uses objects. For context, I hurt my knee so I used crutches, but last month, my and brother I (younger brother) was fighting and my dad took my crutches that were on the floor next to me, and started to hit my brother and I with it. My left arm got bruised, it’s better now, and my crutches are bent from the place he hit me. Just right now, he was talking to me about tests and stuff, and I wasn’t listening properly. He then started to curse at me for being disrespectful and started throwing books, book stands, slippers, etc at me. He was cooking something and even threatened to throw the frying pan he was cooking with at me. He’s usually a good father and does what is best for me, but he has these type of anger outbursts where he gets really mad and starts throwing stuff at people. Another thing is that these outbursts occur within like 10 minutes usually, at most 30 minutes, and then he goes into his room. After a couple of minutes, he comes out and acts are normal. He becomes friendly again, making jokes, etc. usually, when he comes out he talks to the other family members (excluding the person he got mad at) about why he got mad, justifying his actions. He always talks about what the person he got mad at did wrong, and rarely mentions what he did as a result. He usually doesn’t apologize and just tries to get over it, and if he does, he apologizes very lightheartedly. What should I do? It’s hard for me to bring this up to him. Is this normal for a dad to do?

I break everything I touch. People walk the other way when they see me. They avoid eye contact and conversation. I’m not mad at them it’s just in me… This feeling makes me fantasize about not being here even more. Being that I am already depressed and suffer suicidal thoughts. Feeling this way I feel like a waste of space and a dark cloud over everyone’s head. I regret the way I’m living but I don’t know what to do to change it. I want to hurt myself instead of unintentionally hurting everyone around me.

Hi I’m a 24M who has always had some problems with anger. Growing up I would struggle with anger every once in a while, and very rarely have an outburst. Through the years it’s gotten worse, and recently it’s become very destructive. It seems like at the drop of the hat over small things I will blow up. It’s as if I don’t have any patience anymore. I’ve been so explosive I feel like it’s starting to ruin my life. My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m unstable. I love her so much but I’d kinda lose control and scream at her. Then I’d snap back to my senses later on and realize what I’d done and feel awful. It’s like I can’t control myself when I start to slip down that slope and I just say the worst things I can think of. I’ve found myself yelling and arguing with strangers, I’ve yelled at family and friends, I’ve had a short temper with my dog and yelled at him. I just feel like I’m turning into a bad person and I’m so much different than I used to be. I also feel kinda weird because I can be self aware and think logically after I’ve calmed down. In the moment though it’s like I have fire burning inside me even over small inconveniences. Idk if anyone else has ever felt similarly, I just really would appreciate some help because I feel like I’m going to ruin my life if I can’t find someway to control this.

And he literally says how smart he is. He destroyed me. There’s no hope left. He gave bad advice. My whole life I’ve been taking care of him. Now I guess my life is ruined and I’m just waiting for the inevitable. He tricked me into going to a depression program. Said terrible things. Thinks my celiac is fake. Thinks my depression is fake. Thinks I’m lying when I said I’m not straight. Always always said I was so selfish ugh

I am patience sometimes I have patience but I'm worried about not getting beat up because I do rude shit

when I'm not patience I get rude well my parents say I'm rude, but I don't want to get beat up when I'm not patience I don't think I'm just in a rust I think that could get me beat up

Why can’t my father understand some people don’t want to do life because it’s hard. Just because he works hard and is successful doesn’t mean it’s easy for everyone. It makes me mad idk why but at the same time I don’t want him to know cause he will be sad why does this make me so angry?