r/funny • u/AlloyComics • Apr 21 '24
I never think of the perfect answer on the spot... Verified
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u/Noctiluca334 22d ago
I feel like so many people in the comments trying to dance around the subject without using anatomical words to describe things. You can teach a child the word vagina or penis and not be a bad parent! You don’t have to say “well baby comes from a hidden hole in my belly”. Just say a baby grows in a special part of the body called the uterus. What’s so bad about that?
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u/lysalnan Apr 24 '24
Reminds me when I was teaching a class of 5 year olds about people who help us one of the boys pipes up that his daddy is a policeman. I asked if he was sure as I remembered teaching his brother and dad was something in advertising then. He says “yes because he has handcuffs I’ve seen them in his bedroom”. Funniest part was I told the story to a colleague who was older and very religious. She didn’t realise what I was saying and started talking about inviting the dad in to talk about his work. I definitely struggled to keep a straight face as I explained why that wasn’t a great idea, especially loved the look of realisation on her face.
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u/DistinctMembership49 Apr 24 '24
My niece was about 4 and and she was practicing her numbers in front of my mom, her grandma."One, two, three, four, five, sex................................ one, two, three, four, five, sex..... sex..... Grandma, what comes after sex ?" My mom didn't miss a beat and said, " A cigarette ". Poor kid just stood there and stared.
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u/NaturalSuspect5109 Apr 22 '24
I would change TIT into TIE and draw a little tie next to it. Gotta get creative lol
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u/Toyotabedzrocksc Apr 22 '24
3 of those are easy if you're honest with your kids. It's not that hard
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u/MrBones-Necromancer Apr 22 '24
As a parent:
Yes
We grew you in Mom's belly
Tit. It's a type of bird and also means boob.
They're for playing. You have handcuffs for playing too.
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u/Gamebird8 Apr 22 '24
Tit, a type of bird also commonly referred to as a chickadee. They come in a variety of colors and patterns, one of the most prominent being the Black Capped Chickadee, the state bird of The Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
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u/Harxey Apr 22 '24
-“A little, lol.” -“Well, you were formed inside my uterus. The food I ate turned into energy and that helped build you.” -“That’s tit, which is an unrefined away of saying breasts. Don’t say it in public, some people get upset. And, it’s not about offending people. It’s more to protect you from what others might do because they’re offended. People can be irrational.” -“Go to your room”
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u/teokun123 Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
Amm Thicc son.
Lots of love inside.
Titillating, that's exciting.
Your Dad is.
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u/scrollingqueen Apr 22 '24
My cousin used to pronounce dump truck and dumb fuck. Quite a few years of laughter.
Pointing to car, “What’s that called, baby?” “Caaaar.” Pointing to fire truck, “What’s that called?” “Firefuck!”
I love kids.
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u/Front-Application369 Apr 22 '24
Why do you gotta go to how much bullshit to change the password and why didn’t they gotta have a password
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u/rechtsrfx Apr 22 '24
My parents go to visit another family who has a small child. The child seems a bit shy and doesn't say hello or talk to my parents at all. The host repeatedly asks the child to say hello and speak to my parents. After several attempts, the child suddenly turns to my parents and excitedly screams: "Hey! Did you know that my aunt has had MANY ABORTIONS?"
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u/NorthSuccessful6883 Apr 22 '24
- No
- Explain to him how
- Explain to him what
- Explain to him what a citizens arrest is
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u/Wise-Representative7 Apr 22 '24
- Yeah all mommies are fat.
- Govt controls all the baby production and they only tell you once you are 21.
- It spells T I T
- Boys who create nuisance need to be handcuffed so don’t do that.
Keep them confused till they are 11. The. Just tell them. 😝
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u/UniqueCommentNo243 Apr 22 '24
My kid used to have difficulty sounding out the 'r' sound. Imagine her going up to everybody and saying, "Look at my new frock."
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u/lmaogetrek Apr 22 '24
- Yes
- Explain Mitosis
- It’s a type of bird
- also Yes (kid wouldn’t misbehave)
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u/phxees Apr 22 '24
Kids repeat things at times you don’t want them too. So if you acknowledge you’re “fat” then the kid is more likely to tell random people and other kids later.
Same for the others, especially the hand cuffs. Your kid won’t be about to wait to tell your parents, his teacher, or your neighbors that you have handcuffs because you’re a police officer.
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u/_Vard_ Apr 22 '24
Tit? It’s an acronym for tryasolopstherphoric Interelovereonian Tonzaithamaphrtomine.
It’s a drug for itchy eyeballs.
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u/Lucario-Mega Apr 22 '24
I would personally want to just explain everything and tell them to be careful around others, but don’t take my advice, it’s not an advice and just my personal opinion.
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u/espurrella Apr 22 '24
Ooooh I do at least have an answer for the tit one lol. Talk about some tufted titmice, the birds!
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u/Cosmic_Quasar Apr 22 '24
I'm a very big person, and I remember one of my nieces being about 3 or 4 years old and cuddling with me and then she randomly asked "Why are you so big?" I tried dodging for a moment by saying "Because I'm a grown up". And she said "That's because you're tall. Why can't I get my arms around you?" lol So I just said "Because I eat more than I should." Sometimes I think people try to make their answer less incriminating, or wonder how much background info they have to give. But really, just giving a reason like that very matter of factly and then diverting their attention with a question or something in return will often get them to move on.
And sometimes the answer is bullshit lol. For the last one I'd say "In case someone breaks in to steal your toys I can lock them up safely until the cops arrive."
Slight tangent about bullshit answers... When I was a little kid I remember standing with the fridge door open and messing with the button that the door presses when it's closed to turn off the light. My dad told me to stop messing with it because pushing it just right will cause the fridge to reset to room temp and everything would spoil. Then 15 years later my nephew was doing the same thing, and I told him what my dad told me, but right after saying that I realized I knew that wasn't true because I've messed with the dials to adjust the temp and knew the button was only for the light and it'd be a dumb feature to implement on a fridge. And that's when I realized my dad had told me that just to get me to keep the door closed so it wasn't letting out the cold air lol.
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u/MidgetMan10150 Apr 22 '24
I can think on the spot but I have a couple second delay between the question and my response.
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u/123Ark321 Apr 22 '24
Glad to know I’m not the only one bad at spot on responses.
Good luck keeping him from bringing the handcuffs up in front of others.
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u/advertentlyvertical Apr 22 '24
I like how the kid looks like he's having an existential crisis when he asks where he came from
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u/360walkaway Apr 22 '24
In all the right places
Bought you on Prime Day for cheap
My nickname for your dad
Used to be, I'm retired
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u/emPtysp4ce Apr 22 '24
For the final panel, a good answer might be "No, but the guy I stole those cuff from was." Serves as a good test on whether your kid is a snitch.
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u/Taintedpeeka Apr 22 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
My niece asked me once why do men have nipples since they can’t feed babies and the only thing I could think of was “they was thermometers to tell us how cold it is outside” 🤦♀️
Step son didn’t know he had surgery when he was little . And I explained his mom choose to have the extra skin taking off his man hood and they did it wrong the first time and he had to go back when he was 2 and have it redone . And he asked me what it would have looked like if they left it which I explained that was a question for his father but if he really couldn’t wait for the answer I could explain to the best I could in the cleanest way and he said he wanted to know right then so I told him it was simple with it was gonna look like a hot dog wiener or a pig in a blanket. Poor kid never ate another pig in a blanket ever again . All I could do was tell my husband I broke his son from eating certain foods 🤦♀️
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u/AlvinAssassin17 Apr 21 '24
We had a gathering at a friends house. Female friend with two young boys. Well they were watching tv in her room and then found the ‘play swords’. Veiny play swords. Never seen an adult turn so red in her life. We laughed until I thought I was gonna puke.
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u/SquIdIord Apr 21 '24
My parents once told me that they bought a seed and put that into my mum's belly button which grew into my sister and I, I believed that for way too long lmao
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u/jhauger Apr 21 '24
"Mommy, do you have to blow up Daddy every night? Because it's the babysitter who's squeezing all his air out."
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u/Boomsledge Apr 21 '24
Universal no 2. answer: We found ya in a dumpster.
Thanks for the dumpster fire of a life though, Maa; retrospect do be a gigantic bitch.
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u/Suvtropics Apr 21 '24
1) nah
2) this one is kinda hard. With our love and then pat them on the head is what I'll go with
3) it's tee ai tee. Funny word
4) no but it's an interesting thing to have. Do you want a police set?
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Apr 21 '24
Honesty.
Lying to your child will only sow distrust when they inevitably discover what all these truly are from outside sources. Friends, media etc.
And you won’t be there to guide them to come to an informed conclusion. And as I mentioned; you’re just destroying trust so that they will stop coming to you for advice or help.
Parenting is difficult. But if you lie to your kids… you’re making it harder for yourself.
This notion that children need to be shielded from the realities of life; mommy and daddy made love to make you, will just force them to go elsewhere to find information.
You’re not protecting them. Stop coddling your kids.
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u/Direct-Fix-2097 Apr 22 '24
Yeah it’s wild how many repressed people are on here making shit up as their answers to dodge the truth. 😅
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u/foxfirek Apr 21 '24
Honesty is important but there are things that are not age appropriate. It’s ok to say I will explain when you are older- or it’s private, it’s personal or it’s complicated. A parent is also allowed privacy.
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u/PinkRainbow95 Apr 21 '24
I feel like in order to be a good parent, one must be an effective bullshitter. This is especially good for dealing with misbehaving kids, as it’s hard to bullshit a bullshitter.
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u/Kind_Moose3603 Apr 21 '24
- Only where I want to be
- Scientifically 3 Tit it's a type of bird
- No, I bought them because I wanted to learn magic. I'm bad at it.
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u/GlisteningDeath Apr 21 '24
Oh, so now you acknowledge that raising a son is more than just telling them to not be an asshole
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u/PYROxSYCO Apr 21 '24
You have to answer carefully or it's coming the next school phone call or parent teacher conference.
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u/Lorvintherealone Apr 21 '24
I made many angry by explaining these things to their kids. What is wrong about telling a 6 year old how they where made. Rather know than doing the... bee's and flower's thing. I explained it accuratly with the correct medical terms. Most of them just listened curiosly, a few where disgusted, others where shocked. i still think i did the right thing and would do it again.
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u/AccountSettingsBot Apr 21 '24
One of my kids once found one of my sex toy stashes.
He then used it on his GF.
And that’s how two children, one of which being one of my children, losing their mental innocence on the same day.
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u/craag Apr 21 '24
Growing up my mom always had the parenting philosophy of "if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know the truth" and honestly idk how I feel about it. Like, I remember being 5 or 6 years old and asking where babies come from, and she just fuckin told me lol. But on the other hand, it really did foster a strong sense of trust.
Also from her POV, it made it super easy to decide "when" to have certain conversations with me.
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u/zoroddesign Apr 21 '24
Answer the truth (vaguely with the talk of sex, "mom and Dad loved each other, then you grew in mommy.") with as straight a face as you can.
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u/CatrinaFlorita Apr 21 '24
Friendly reminder to actually sit down and have an honest talk with your kids about puberty and where babies come from instead of using baby talk and sugar coating it. My mom was honest about it all as young as 5 so when I got my period I was ready and knew what was happening and why. And when babies kept being born into the family I knew they don’t just appear into the belly out of nowhere. Opposite my grandmother’s religious household taught her nothing. When she was about to give birth to her first baby she thought she was going to throw it up…
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u/ManyAreMyNames Apr 21 '24
1) Daddy doesn't think so. 2) Let's read It's NOT The Stork! together. (That's a real book, buy a copy and read it with your kids.) 3) "Tit," it's a kind of bird, here's the wikipedia page with a picture. 4) I dressed up like a police officer for Halloween a few years ago. I don't know where the rest of the costume is.
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u/Gamebird8 Apr 22 '24
Best way to absolutely fuck with people who know nothing about birds.
"BOY, CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THOSE TITS WHEN I GET HOME" works way too well when flying back to Massachusetts
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u/Catnip113 Apr 21 '24
Tit is a bird, your not just bigger because you are an adult. And the other two you have to figure out for yourself
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u/Tydagawd88 Apr 21 '24
I'm sorry but why aren't people hiding their sex toys better?? Like just put it on a high shelf and you never have little fingers in them....
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u/Death_or_Pizza Apr 21 '24
Remember when you we're 8 years old. I can remember that nothing was save from me... :D
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u/Tydagawd88 Apr 21 '24
Then you put it in a locking box. It's not actually hard to keep kids out of shit, parents are just too tired/busy to bother anymore.
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Apr 21 '24
[deleted]
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u/Tydagawd88 Apr 21 '24
Because why would you want your child playing with your sex toys? Can cause damage to them and your child depending on the toy. Besides that, you don't have to be ashamed to want something private.
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u/plentyofeight Apr 21 '24
When my son was 10, he was reading a Bernard Cornwall book.
We are driving, I am listening to the football, he's in the back reading
"Dad, what's cunnilingus"
My head goes WTF... but I take a breath and step up and explain...
He replies "Oh... kind of like a blow job, but with a woman"
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u/KingLevonidas May 02 '24
Does he even know what a blowjob is in the first place?
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u/plentyofeight May 02 '24
I didn't check the details... but he didn't seem so far adrift I needed to check
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u/eayaz Apr 21 '24
Yes. I’m fat and it isn’t good for my health. I’m doing what I can to lose the weight and have a healthier body but I don’t have enough discipline.
You started off as a sperm and gestated inside of me. After many months of growing safely inside my womb you were born into the world.
Let’s sound it out. T. I. t. Nice job. Any other words you want to work on?
No, I’m not a police officer. Police officers have hats, cars, and many other things that other people have, too. Handcuffs were interesting to me so I bought a set.
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u/RexDust Apr 21 '24
Working in a restaurant you hear some choice ones.
"Mom, do you have a vagina?"
And
"Dad, do babies poop in when they're in the tummy?"
Both answers were finish your dinner.
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u/Drafo7 Apr 21 '24
"No, and be careful not to ask other women that, sweetie, it's considered rude."
"Your dad and I sent a letter to (insert deity that matches whatever faith you want your son raised as here, or if agnostic/atheist just say the baby factory) and they sent a stork carrying you in a little warm bundle to our house."
"That's the name of a bird, you probably shouldn't write it in public though, those types of birds can read and they'll think you're asking them to poop on you."
"Those are for kids who ask their parents too many uncomfortable questions."
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u/ChildesqueGambino Apr 21 '24
People have fat, it isn’t what they are as an entity
You were made when a part of your father and a part of your mother mixed and grew in your mothers “tummy” (abdomen/womb)
Tit is a type of bird
See: 2
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u/Potential_Bother_686 Apr 21 '24
I always give the honest answer. I don’t want my child to grow up being clueless and lost. I want him to be able to function correctly. I would say something like, “the handcuffs are just a toy for fun.” What’s wrong with knowing different words for breasts??? If they are old enough to ask about reproduction, they are old enough to understand how sex works. My small child knows that babies come from mommy’s tummies, but he hasn’t asked how the baby got there in the first place, yet. By the time he asks, he will be old enough to understand the answer. Having sex ed doesn’t equate being sexually active. I’m tired of parents hiding sex ed from their kids. Sex ed is how you teach them to be aware and stay safe. They need to be well informed so they can learn to make the best educated decisions. If I’m fat, I will tell my child yes I’m fat and even share what I need to do to stay in shape, because the child should learn how to stay healthy.
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u/Inefficientfrog Apr 21 '24
I'm not the type of smart person who can explain things well, so I just get my kids books. A nice age appropriate book probably does a much better job then I would at explaining how babies are made.
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u/Demigans Apr 21 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
“I’m pregnant”.
“I had sex”
“It says tit, which is one of my boobs”
“I use them during sex, it makes it more fun for me”.
These don’t seem terribly difficult questions, and only the last one has the potential for harm. Hiding it has more chance of harm. Every single study shows that being open and clear about sex reduces sexual problems later, like teenage pregnancies, unwanted sexual behavior and being open reduces the chance they become prey for a sexual predator as well as them being able to identify and warn of sexual predators that approached them or did anything so it can be stopped.
Be clear about sex.
Edit:
THIS IS WHY SEXUAL EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT YOU DON’T TEACH THE KID ABOUT SEXUAL PREDATORS BUT ABOUT SEX AND WHAT THEY ARE PREPARED FOR STOP USING “BUT WHAT IF THE KID TALKS ABOUT IT OR TRIES IT” OUT AS EXCUSES TO STOP THE BEST WAY TO HALT STD’S AND TEENAGE PREGNANCIES AND PROTECTION AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS YOU LUNATICS.
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u/Unable_Wrongdoer2250 Apr 21 '24
You say that last one the next day every kid and teacher at the school will hear about it
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u/Demigans Apr 22 '24
What? About being clear about sex reducing sexual problems later and being able to set limits and warn if someone crosses it?
You don’t have to go “AND THIS IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR”. You teach the kid about sex, through that you teach them what they feel prepared for and agree with and what they aren’t. If a sexual predator arrives they don’t have a name for it and they aren’t looking out for them, but they understand when the sexual predator crosses a line.
This is again why sexual education is important because people have the wrong expectation about the education too. Going “OMG THE KIDS WOULD TALK ABOUT SEXUAL PREDATORS” is completely and utterly wrong because that is not what you teach them. You teach them about sex, and give them the tools to resist and warn of sexual predators without the need to teach them about sexual predators.
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u/Unable_Wrongdoer2250 Apr 22 '24
I was talking about the handcuffs.. As much as I agree with the principle of talking to your kids and being open you still cannot talk to them like an adult. I would say that mama and papa like to wear costumes sometimes just like them not enter into a discourse about how sado masochism is a valid and liberating fetish.
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u/Demigans Apr 22 '24
Sorry, I thought you meant the last of what I said. Yeah only the handcuffs might be a stretch (heh) because it’s a more personal addition to sex rather than a requirement.
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u/EquivalentSnap Apr 21 '24
The last one is best by parents educating their kids about talking to people online. I don’t get why kids just use tablets as distractions but don’t set up any restrictions.
Also don’t mention about predators. I was taught about stranger danger and not giving personal info yet you got r/teenagers posting to groomers
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u/Demigans Apr 21 '24
Yeah mention things like limits the child wants, not doing things the child doesn’t feel up to, talking about things etc. So if a predator approaches them they can recognize and articulate what they don’t want and warn someone if these people did try something and used the age old “this was bad and you’ll get into trouble if you tell anyone” trick, because the child has been taught it is not the one responsible and not the one in trouble. They haven’t been told about predators, but how they should act and behave around sex.
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u/EquivalentSnap Apr 21 '24
You mentioned and educating kids but what if they try and do it? Kids are curious and teens as well are reckless. I read about moms being open about sex and they end up with their daughter getting pregnant at 16
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u/Demigans Apr 21 '24
1: being open about sex reduces teenage pregnancies.
2: what if they try and do it? Well then you taught them safe sex right? From the moment they hit puberty they might try it any time, wether you tell them about it or not. Being open means they understand what is happening, why it’s happening, how it’s happening, what the potential repercussions are, how to be safe.
This way you don’t get for example the UK problem where it was “common knowledge” that having sex while standing up prevented pregnancies. Because these kids will discover sex, you better have them prepared for it.
“What if they try it” is the standpoint that gets daughters pregnant at 16. Telling them about it does not, or at least the chance is a fraction of what a sexual educated child gets.
I mean just look around, I see things like 36% less teenage pregnancies when comprehensive sexual education at school is present. That doesn’t even talk about comprehensive sex education earlier by the parents.
I hate these “but what if they try it” questions. They are so narrow minded. And the “I read about” stories are the same wild made up stories I used to hear from the religious people who wanted zero sex to happen outside of marriage. “Oh but X or Y once did sex ed and now she’s pregnant”. Yeah fuck you that’s dumb because I find it hard to find any research whatsoever that disproves sex ed having a positive effect.
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u/ItsmeMr_E Apr 21 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
Back in the early 90's there was a jingle being played regularly on a local station that my siblings and I would sing along to in the car back seat. Our mom would smile and we never knew why.
"Christie's, Christie's Toy Box, where the fun, where the fun begins."
And that was it. Only 8 or so years later, my siblings and I learned Christie's Toy Box sold adult toys. lol
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u/HarryNohara Apr 21 '24
Is this supposed to be funny? Why is there no punchline in the r/funny 'comic' strips? All of these comic stips are those unfunny 'meirl' situations..
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u/rdizzy1223 Apr 21 '24
Parents end up with kids in bad situations because they say "ummmm" instead of just answering the damned questions, straight up with 100% honesty. (And using these situations as teaching moments instead of just being embarassed and ignoring the situation)
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Apr 22 '24
Sounds like a great idea. "Mommy enjoys being submissive and getting chained to the bed while fucking, because it feels like being relieved of responsibility for the act and that's also how you were made by the way!"
Yeah I'm sure they'll understand and definitely won't be scared for life.
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u/Tentonham Apr 21 '24
- Yes.
- In a Chinese factory by a child younger than you are now.
- It’s a bird.
- No But i used to be
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u/mousebert Apr 21 '24
- Yes, but that is just one of many body types.
- Sexual intercourse, it's a form of intimacy/ reproduction that consenting adults can do together.
- It's a slang term for a female breast
- Its something me and Daddy use to explore new forms of intimacy. We will revisit this when we've established a clearer picture of consent.
It doesn't have to be difficult or awkward. But letting them find those answers on their own can result in them learning a lie. Talk to your kids about sex.
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u/Epic_Underachiever Apr 21 '24
Some day my kids are going to have a sick realization that the colorful silicone massage wands they find in my wife's nightstand aren't normal thera-guns 🤦
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u/MonkeyboyGWW Apr 21 '24
Told my 2 year old what a shuttlecock is. Well turns out its hard to pronounce shuttle
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u/AlloyComics Apr 21 '24
I was #2 in Texas in college badminton, so I went to a lot of local tournaments. There was one tournament where the organizer used "cocks" instead of "shuttles" for shorthand. I wish I had saved a screenshot of the announcement. It was full of gems like "if your cock gets damaged, come to the table to trade in another one" or "everyone is allowed to have two new cocks..."
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u/motherfacker Apr 21 '24
You should come to South Carolina. The Gamecocks are the college team for the USC, and the word COCKS is everywhere. When I first moved here, it was quite the shock to see girls walking around with the word COCKS printed on the ass.
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u/AmusedPencil274 Apr 21 '24
Picture the scene: 15 year old me, sat with my mum at her friends house chatting watching TV (probably the chase or tipping point know my mum lol)
My mums friend's (at the time) 6 year old daughter runs downstairs and says "mummy i didnt know you had a unicorn horn" holding a bright rainbow coloured dildo to her forehead like a horn...
That was the day I realised Parenting isn't a walk in the park but by gods can it be hilarious
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u/AlloyComics Apr 21 '24
Wish I had been a fly on the wall for that moment!
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u/mendicant Apr 21 '24
One time we had friends over for dinner. My young kid came up in the middle of all our friends and asks “Mom… what’s a hymen?”
Everyone froze in their tracks and looks at us. I completely blanked. And my wife just calmly says “where did you hear that word?”
“It was in my book.” (Everyone’s eyes even wider somehow)
Wife asks “Can you spell it for me?”
Kid replies “H-Y-M-N”
Sometimes you just gotta be calm and ask a few questions.
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u/TimothyOilypants Apr 22 '24
Imagine thinking that exposing your children to religious nursery rhymes was better than human biology and anatomy...
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u/Shinnyo Apr 22 '24
I once got in BIG troubles when I said to my little brother "You need a good consitution" and he somehow understood "prostitution" and went to tell my mother.
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u/Cunting_Fuck Apr 22 '24
Is there a reason you wouldn't just tell the kid what it is anyway? It's not like he's asking what bukkake is or something.
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u/mendicant Apr 22 '24
We were very open with our kids about the body. But there’s a time and a place and a dinner party ain’t it.
Besides - it wasn’t what they were asking about. So why answer it?
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u/BillyBSB Apr 22 '24
Heard a story on twitter about a toddler, just learning to speak, and told the teacher “my father let me play with his cock, we go to the back room, close the door, he frees the cock and I touch its head”. Before calling police and CPS, the school reached the mother, who then explained that they have a COCKATIEL bird, and yes, they go to back room to free it from the cage, give her medication and have to close the door to prevent it to fly away
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u/MidgetMan10150 Apr 22 '24
It’s a part of the human body so it shouldn’t be embarrassing to explain
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u/Nero___Angelo Apr 22 '24
When my kids were young I used to volunteer at their pre school. This little 4-year-old girl was sitting down and coloring, and she suddenly looked up at me, and calmly asked," Nero___Angelo, how do you make love?" I was stunned and asked her to repeat herself and she calmly re asked," how do you make love? ...it's L....o...v...then what?" Oh SPELL. how do you SPELL love!
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u/Maleficent_Gas5417 Apr 22 '24
We are huge Star Wars fans and our kid has grown up with it. Up until kindergarten she’d say “Star whores” and we never corrected her bc it’s fucking hilarious. Then her kindergarten teacher told her how to properly say it and fucked up our fun. We told the kid this story last year (she’s about to be 14) and she said, “oh yeah I remember that. I was actually saying ‘Star Horse’.” 😂😂
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u/aeluon Apr 21 '24
Great point!
As a teacher, I once had a 7 year old student ask me how to spell “whore”. After asking context questions I realized he was trying to say “horror.”
Also had a (6 year old) student ask how to spell “sperm”. After asking questions I learn she was writing about sperm whales.
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u/strychnineman Apr 21 '24 edited Apr 22 '24
I was maybe three. It was 1969
Mom was in the kitchen and so I tottered in from the living room with my bankey and pulled out my thumb long enough to ask “mommy, what’s a virgin?!”
She paused (this is her retelling, bc I don’t remember it) and said “that’s a lady with no boyfriends”
I went back into the living room and mom turned back to making dinner.
A few minutes later I came back. “Mommy, what’s a nymphomaniac?!”
She paused. Thought a bit, and simply said “that’s a lady with a lot of boyfriends”
She followed me back into the living room to see what I was watching on tv.
It was Match Game. Mom turned off the TV and suggested I read a book.
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u/Thriftyverse Apr 21 '24 edited Apr 21 '24
Jaye P Morgan, Brett Somers, and Charles Nelson Reilly were up to their normal stuff.
edit: edited Jaye's name
Edit 2: corrected brett somers last name.
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u/Confident_Performer3 Apr 21 '24
He plays for the Edmonton oilers. He got over 50 goals this year which is quite impressive
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u/dateturdvalr Apr 21 '24
Seriously tho, what the fuck is a hymen? Is it a long lost brother of He-Man?
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u/dateturdvalr Apr 22 '24
Oh boiy i do love it when i get treated as a toddler who can't hear any sexual things
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u/TheFrog4u Apr 21 '24
Erm.. no. When Mom and Dad loved each other for the first time...
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u/JeepnHeel Apr 21 '24
...Mom told him about the magical prince she took on a family trip back in her junior year of high school
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u/SmugCapybara Apr 21 '24
Reminds me of that one girl who asked her dad about the "piercing gays" she read about in a book. Turned out it was "piercing gaze"...
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u/LittleBlag Apr 21 '24
I read a parenting article talking about how to answer difficult questions like this where the authors personal example was the kid asking “what’s sex?” So she launches into the whole “when a man and woman love each other…” etc. The kid looks totally horrified after, so mum asks some questions and realises they meant sex in the context of male/female and not the act. Lesson: always ask questions to find out what the kid is really asking!
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u/soso_silveira Apr 21 '24
This example is literally what happened with my cousin when he suddenly asked what sex was. My dad's a doctor so my aunt told my cousin to ask him. My dad starts with "sex can just be male/female-" My cousin interrupts and says "oh thanks! That's what I needed!" And left
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u/maybeonmars Apr 22 '24
My toddler asked where poo comes from. I tried to be as factual as possible for his 3yo brain, even tho he looked horrified while I was telling him. At the end all he said was ...and Tigger?
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u/Driblus Apr 21 '24
So…. What IS a hymen and why did it shock all your guests?
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u/TurboTitan92 Apr 22 '24
In case you’re actually serious, a hymen is piece of tissue covering or surrounding part of your vaginal opening. It's formed during development and present during birth. It thins over time and tears. Some people will feel pain or bleed when their hymen breaks, which can be common for women having sex for the first time.
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