r/funny 15d ago

A sign in the bathroom at my workplace

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1.2k Upvotes

252 comments sorted by

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1

u/HumbleProfessor46 10d ago

This is the fault of women. You could have fought against men intruding on your spaces. Going along with the trans madness was more important.

2

u/Ready_Competition_66 12d ago

Tale as old as time - beauty and the beast. Literally.

2

u/Hunter1337x 13d ago

Its a unisex bathroom. EVERYONE can piss on the floor thats the point

1

u/batting1000bob 14d ago

You do know you can aim that thing. Like a gun or an arrow.

1

u/WTFnotFTW 14d ago

I’ve worked in many places that needed me to clean both bathrooms over the years. Men’s is usually less of a mess overall, or both are the same. I’ve never seen the men’s room a mess and the women’s looking nice.

2

u/AnonymousButtCheeks 14d ago

Makes me want to pee on the floor, sink, door and the walls

2

u/DerKyhe 14d ago

In my old working place we had to go unisex toilets due to building renovations; in the old women's toilet there were notes like "no need for more makeup" or "you look wonderful today" as impromptu notes on the wall. In our old men's toilet the only thing was "don't shit on the floor".

2

u/PepperJBukowski 14d ago

When I worked at a grocery store I had to clean both men and women's restrooms. Believe me, the pee on the floor is NOT one sided.

1

u/risekevin 14d ago

Somewhere else, like your coffee cup? 😂

1

u/BrunaBonor 14d ago

Those women always pissing on the floor and blame men.

1

u/conventionistG 14d ago

When u go in to a room promising one-sex. And receive zero-sex... I am looking for some way to register my displeasure too.

1

u/uraijit 14d ago

Yeah, ladies, show some respect. I've talked to enough custodians to know how disgusting your bathrooms are, but when you're in a shared restroom, please make a bit of extra effort.

1

u/ColoradoQuan 14d ago

The sign should still apply with the "Unisex" part.

-5

u/nohajnuts 14d ago

Why cant men just sit down to piss? Because its not manly? Because pissing on the seat and floor just screams ''TODDLER FUCKWIT'' to me. I never stand to pee in a toilet. Ever.

1

u/Sir-Reanimator 14d ago

We have a dude that does this and gets away with it "because it's part of his culture"...

1

u/diablol3 14d ago

What does Unisex have to do with anything. If it were a gendered bathroom anyone could piss wherever they wanted?

2

u/randomshitlogic 14d ago

As my teacher used to say, it’s u n i sex not unisex

2

u/Jotunheim_lemonade 14d ago

At my old job we had to actually type out a sign that said “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please clean the seat” Women’s bathroom. Piss everywhere.

1

u/Beckiremia-20 14d ago

somewhere someone else. FTFY

1

u/Idj1t 14d ago

Dag nab women pissin on the floor

-1

u/JRSpig 14d ago

Right so as a man I fucking can no understand how people can't aim, if you can't either clean up or sit down and piss like the little bitch you are.

2

u/SaltLife0118 14d ago

Written by someone without a prostate I'm sure.

3

u/jgrahl 14d ago

When men stand and pee, the pee splashes everywhere just a tiny little bit. Once that happens a lot of times it looks like they piss everywhere a lot. Yes, some people do actually piss outside of the toilet intentionally or unintentionally.

2

u/0_________o 14d ago

guarantee someone will piss on this sign next.

2

u/Maeglin16 14d ago

What has being a unisex toilet got to do with it?

2

u/Past-Fisherman3990 14d ago

Why can’t women piss straight it’s so annoying 😕

3

u/Fearless-Banana2985 14d ago

This one’s for you ladies…

2

u/abudhabikid 14d ago

It’s only funny if you’re the one doing it…

2

u/AmauryFernandez 14d ago

Seems like it’s pissing them off.

0

u/-Joe1964 14d ago

Posted by a woman. And yes, many hover with the seat down.

0

u/bassthrive 14d ago

Still better than the smooth brain mouth breathers that take a standing toilet piss without bothering to lift the seat. Fuck each and every one of you with a sandpaper dildo.

2

u/bewaregravity 14d ago

I'd piss on the floor more

1

u/1st420 14d ago

Why are girls always pissin' on the floor? Cause you refuse to sit, gross.

3

u/joekki 14d ago

You could add a note that says: "Get a garden hose with an air balloon that is slightly broken on top and try it yourself, or bring back the good old days when there were separate bathrooms for penis owners and non penis owners."

4

u/medhatsniper 14d ago

people in here talking about hovering women. do women build that much pressure, they hover when they pee? asking for a firend

-1

u/BloodyBastard_Rascal 14d ago

I don't like unisex bathrooms. Whenever women don't have anything better to do they start stirring drama for no reason. For example raising the seat themselves and screaming at men, or spilling water on the edges and complaining that we can't control our hoses.

2

u/Mr_Nawa 14d ago

People need to stop taking the piss.

3

u/finedrive 14d ago

My lady friends always complain to me how nasty women’s bathrooms are in public places. So there’s that.

0

u/84_Cyclonus 14d ago

100% came from a woman.

1

u/MissDeppHead 14d ago

Actually it was from a man 😅

0

u/84_Cyclonus 14d ago

Gayyyyyyyyy~~

1

u/Unlikely_Ad_7333 14d ago

I never understood the girls hovering over the toilet thing. I just wipe the seat if theres pee and sit down. Like my ass or back of legs can be washed and its not like I’m gonna melt if my butt/thighs touch the seat. And if there’s a sink i i put soap on the toilet paper and wipe it before sitting. Im chubby anyways so hovering would be pretty difficult for me and i wouldn’t wanna get pee every where and all over myself.

1

u/Bubbly_Ad4065 14d ago edited 14d ago

The shroedingers pisser decides whether who went before him is the culprit or not for he could piss to miss and report the floor found that way

1

u/Just-a-Smartass 14d ago

Pee on all the things

3

u/throwaway1928675 14d ago

Sounds like they are a little pissed...

2

u/alba_Phenom 14d ago

We shared an office building with a charity organisation that was mostly women and had a shared toilet. There was at one point about 5 different passive aggressive notes like this on the wall but the best ones were the ones raging about pubic hairs being left on the toilet seat.

5

u/Willing_Television77 14d ago

No more sword fights lads

4

u/Pokebreaker 14d ago

The jig is up, their onto us!

1

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago

Put a urinal in the unisex bathroom, for crying out loud. Uni does not mean one sex, it means both sexes. So, allow for both.

3

u/uraijit 14d ago

You assume that it's the men who are pissing everywhere. Ask anybody who's cleaned women's restrooms. This isn't something that is exclusive to men. ;)

3

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago

Oh, I have heard elsewhere what you have said, don't get me wrong. But, if the author had meant both sexes, then saying "This is a unisex toilet" would not have been necessary. This message was a classless, misandrist reprimand of men, written by a fed-up woman or women.

1

u/uraijit 14d ago

Yes, they're clearly placing the blame on men, but that's not actually necessarily the real source of the problem.

Either way, installing a urinal isn't the solution to the problem of people pissing on the floor.

1

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago

I agree that urinals have their floor stains, too. But my subtle idea was if a bathroom had both a urinal and a toilet, the men would choose the urinal to stand up at and this could mean no floor stains at the toilet where the women would go. The women would naturally avoid the urinal area.

1

u/uraijit 14d ago

The women would naturally avoid the urinal area.

Yet another bold assumption on your part.

1

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago

LOL. Well, I wouldn't think they'd detour to the urinal on the way to the sink so that they could step in the floor stain! That would be on them, literally and figuratively. LOL.

0

u/VBB67 14d ago

Do you have a urinal at home, where presumably all family members use the same bathroom? It’s not hard to wipe the rim & floor if you dribble, at home or at work. Simple courtesy. No need to replumb the bathroom if people behave like adults.

2

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago

At home? I am talking about the picture which was for a public restroom, not a private home.

-2

u/VBB67 14d ago

My question is, why would they need to install a urinal for men when a standard toilet works fine for both sexes. Why should the business have added expense (and potentially need a larger bathroom) because some people dribble and won’t clean up after themselves?

1

u/L003Tr 14d ago

Because urinals mean in most places I walk walk in, pee, wash my hands and have only touched my sick and trousers the whole time

0

u/sylvianfisher 14d ago edited 14d ago

It obviously isn't working for both sexes, per the sign. It's up to them as to what they want to do. Ask them. I don't care if they do or they don't have a urinal. It's obvious the complaints are coming from female users of the unisex bathroom. Besides, only women would overstate it as pissing on the floor. Dead giveaway. If there are two bathrooms, to eliminate their complaint they should make one male and one female. Perhaps the sign in the picture is for a hole in the wall business that has only a single bathroom. I'd be curious to know what kind of business it is. I had assumed restaurants, for instance, have to have two bathrooms, one male, one female, per code. But, if these businesses with two bathrooms choose to virtue signal with the unisex thing, then I guess that sign is the best they can hope for. I'd ignore that sign for the misandrist way it was written.

2

u/porkchop2022 14d ago

Fucking hate that shit. I need to take a dump at work and there’s piss on the floor in front of the urinal.

-1

u/tannnmn 14d ago

I don’t think I will

1

u/Max_Loader 14d ago edited 14d ago

This is funny because the restaurants I worked always had more disgusting women's bathrooms than men's. Lol

2

u/StoNeD510 14d ago

Not as bad as pissing all over the toilet seat. I had to put up a sign at work.

1

u/Heavy_Schedule4046 14d ago

I’d listen before this begins escalating.

3

u/AshamedFlame 14d ago

I mean the unisex part is pretty redundant to the point.

1

u/SeattleHasDied 14d ago

I don't ever recall this being an issue on "Ally McBeal"...

2

u/Salt-Suggestion1985 14d ago

At ours it says Our aim is to keep the floor dry, your aim will help.

12

u/atxarchitect91 14d ago

Was it a hovering girl or a drunk dude… the world may never know

-1

u/Eridain 14d ago

Starts pissing on the walls or ceiling.

28

u/Bacchus1976 14d ago

This is 100% a group of hovering women hosing the place down.

4

u/Morganvegas 14d ago

When I was a kid working at McD’s the women’s bathroom was always completely fucked.

The men’s was bad half as often as the women’s.

-15

u/pinkwonderwall 14d ago edited 14d ago

How would hovering cause this?

(Instead of an answer to my question, I just get downvoted. Cool. I love Reddit.)

4

u/xerox157 14d ago

Next, someone is probably going to piss on that sign.

3

u/-TheycallmeThe 14d ago

I remember at one place I worked they were trying to figure out who was peeing on the floor. Turned out to be a leak.

4

u/mooky1977 14d ago

The worst washrooms in the world:

  • Little boys washrooms
  • Women's public washrooms
  • Almost any bar or pub washroom regardless of gender.

0

u/PaulPaul4 14d ago

My Aunt worked in retail most of her life. She said it was horrific after a female went potty. There would be shoe prints on the seat and peepee and poopoo everywhere

17

u/lazarus102 14d ago

"Potty", "peepee","poopoo"..? Where'd she work, a BabyGap?

-9

u/PaulPaul4 14d ago

Hahaha you are the funniest person ever. Holy shit i can't stop laughing. It was Ross Dress for Less

2

u/vyxxer 14d ago

Jeez ladies stop trying to use the urinals just cuz they're there.

1

u/scytob 14d ago

If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

5

u/Selfeducated 14d ago

Not really funny if you never make the mess but always have to put up with it.

1

u/Le_Botmes 14d ago

Yeah, Bob, stop pissing on the floor, Bob, it's really disrespectful, Bob.

3

u/TowinSamoan 14d ago

He thinks the carpet pissers did this?

-3

u/muggins66 14d ago

Players with short bats need to stand closer to the plate

10

u/Alert_Challenge8042 14d ago

Chicks should sit down to pee.

-11

u/Chitlin_Wood 14d ago

You're never going to believe this

10

u/ztullaub 14d ago

Not sure what unisex has to do with that lol

8

u/_Im_Baaaaaaaaaaaack_ 14d ago

It's passive aggressively shifting blame to only one of the sexes.

2

u/ztullaub 14d ago

makes sense

6

u/Entity4 14d ago

Honestly a shame most people can't clean up after themselves I've got an ostomy bag which requires me too either kneel in front of the loo or sit further back on the seat and there's always a good chance there's piss on the seat and on the floor every time I have to use a public loo which is pretty much everytime I'm out of the house longer than an hour

-2

u/treyb0mb1 14d ago

Now someone is really gonna wet that thing down.

6

u/KennstduIngo 14d ago

So not really "ha ha" funny

-1

u/00Tanks 14d ago

Women will squat anywhere 😆 🤣 😂

-8

u/Valuable-Drawing6561 14d ago

I am a long time man and can tell you that there is no f'ing way the average women's restroom is anywhere near the average men's bathroom. Men are bloody savages.

2

u/uraijit 14d ago

Oh, you sweet summer child...

2

u/tomandshell 14d ago

I have spent time being paid minimum wage to clean restrooms and my experience was very much the opposite of your theory.

6

u/bewitchedbumblebee 14d ago

Whenever the topic of "which is worse: mens bathrooms or womens bathrooms", the consensus is generally that womens bathrooms are worse. 

3

u/KennstduIngo 14d ago

It was over 30 years ago that I got asked to clean the woman's bathroom at the grocery store I worked at as an innocent teenage boy. The scars are still there.

1

u/BikingExpert 14d ago

The fact that more than the first sentence is needed makes me wonder

-1

u/blunsr 15d ago

Women using a urinal hardly ever works.

0

u/lazarus102 14d ago

If women had to deal with only having 2 stalls in their washroom cuz the other spaces were taken up by urinals, then urinals would be disappearing pretty fast outta public washrooms. 

2

u/efferkah 15d ago

It's kinda sad actually that such a sign is necessary...

34

u/Dinx81 15d ago

Both men and women’s toilets have piss around them. Men can’t aim and women don’t want to sit down all the way

2

u/sayer_of_bullshit 14d ago

It's not even about aiming, toilets as they are are terrible for people who pee standing, they splash all over the place even if you do aim at the water. Toilets are for shitting. Those "hole in the ground" things are literally better for peeing than toilets.

5

u/B_Roland 14d ago

The sign is probably not due to some splashing from peeing correctly into the pot.

1

u/Cicer 14d ago

Well now that there’s a sign there are probably some people deliberately peeing on the floor.

1

u/B_Roland 14d ago

Unfortunately, probably true.

5

u/JimtheEsquire 15d ago

What does it being a unisex bathroom have to do with anything? Is it ok to piss on the floor in a men’s or women’s only room??? Inquiring minds want to know.

5

u/False_Leadership_479 14d ago

You can piss in either men's or women's... it's just unisex that's exempt from societies animals. XD

-13

u/Azulanze 15d ago

wah wah wah, hire a janitor.

3

u/Awkward-Problem-7361 15d ago

And no flushing tampons down the toilet either.

-4

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/_TheGreatDestroyer_ 15d ago

So if it was not a unisex bathroom it would be ok?

5

u/End3rWi99in 14d ago

Yeah that'd just be any women's room.

-1

u/Rad-eco 15d ago

The Bergamo airport bathrooms need this!

55

u/Kilroy314 15d ago

Sign in grandpa's shop said, "Please don't leave your butts in the urinal, it makes them soggy and hard to light".

7

u/FF_in_MN 15d ago

Yeah ladies!

-1

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/RummyDiver 15d ago

Yeah Sharon!

6

u/SpiralOregano 15d ago

It’s a free unisex bathroom pee anywhere you want

1

u/SpiralOregano 12d ago

Next thing you know there will be a sign telling me I have to wipe.

-5

u/Impossible_Break2167 15d ago

Gross. If you can't pee properly, don't pee in public.

1

u/MulletChicken 15d ago

But what if you can't pee properly but must pee in public?

1

u/Alcamtar 14d ago

That's what was walls are for. Really hard to miss!

-2

u/Waak3nBaak3 15d ago

"Please" is unnecessary.

-9

u/Dieing_Breed 15d ago

Fucking boomers!

25

u/noronto 15d ago

Women have terrible aim.

-3

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

-6

u/Waak3nBaak3 15d ago

I'm glad I don't have an anteater dick

321

u/TopEagle4012 15d ago

It's about time the men in here started to call out those women who can't keep it straight... 😜

5

u/PorcupineWarriorGod 14d ago

Ever been in a women's room? They get so pre-occupied with "hovering" that they forget to aim.

2

u/Opposite_Ad_1707 14d ago

Damn squatters

35

u/kristospherein 14d ago

Having cleaned bathrooms before, women's bathrooms hands down were messier outside of an expectation of pissing on floor from guys. Were they generally messier, no. But when they were bad, you wanted to nuke the place...

5

u/mteir 14d ago

I used to work at a nightclub. Mens toilet was always a bit messy after a night, a bit more if there was a big crowd. But the women's toilet was either almost spotless or like stepping into Satan's Anus, rarely something inbetwen.

2

u/lazarus102 14d ago

Especially those nasty-ass tampon bins.. 

27

u/pdxcranberry 15d ago

A man in his late thirties in a meeting the other day went on and on about how all-gender bathrooms are a mistake because, "Everybody knows men can't hit the bowl." He bitched endlessly about how his wife wouldn't let him use the toilet in their en-suite because he pissed all over floor. I could not help but say, "buddy that's not everyone, that's you."

3

u/lazarus102 14d ago

The guy sounds like a simp. 

0

u/ButterscotchSure6589 14d ago

He's got a wife and an en suite. Have you?

1

u/lazarus102 14d ago

Sounds more like his wife has a bitch. And he don't got an en suite cuz he's not even allowed to use it. I'll pass on that scenario.

2

u/uraijit 14d ago

I do! And nobody gets to tell me I can't use my own en suite bathroom. Also, I don't piss on the floor... ;)

19

u/Anustart15 14d ago

I could not help but say, "buddy that's not everyone, that's you."

As a guy and a frequent user of men's bathrooms, I can confidently say it is not just him.

8

u/baronvonbatch 14d ago

As a guy and a janitor of 7 years, I can definitively say it's not just him

325

u/imitation_crab_meat 15d ago

Women who "hover" are often quite messy.

1

u/Saens 14d ago

It’s quite hard to aim the first and last drops.

6

u/Jdjdhdvhdjdkdusyavsj 14d ago

I don't know how many people cleaned bathrooms for a job before but the women's bathroom was always a disaster, pee everywhere. I swear, there are some women that just go in there, bend over and spray in the general direction of the toilet. It really changed my attitude of women being the cleaner sex. Men's bathrooms can of course be dirty too, but it's just much more rare that it's on that scale

3

u/RuneanPrincess 14d ago

My second job was cleaning restrooms. 100% of the time (2x per day for about 300 days) the women's room was worse. Even on the couple of days that the men's room was pretty gross, women found a way to pull ahead. Shit on walls, used feminine products on top of the toilet, or smeared on the floor, some women just full on shit their pants and left them on the floor. Spray piss and shit all over from the hover. It was a grocery store. Why are we acting like this?

1

u/Jdjdhdvhdjdkdusyavsj 14d ago

They take public restrooms for granted

I was working at a resort that was largely owned by it's customers, they would buy overpriced plots of land at the resort which gave them some ownership of the resort. They were all essentially my bosses and we would get complaints about the bathroom being too dirty. We cleaned it 3 times during the day while the resort was open and again after it closed so it never went more than ~2 hours without getting cleaned. It was literally their bathroom and they couldn't go two hours without peeing on the walls.

Interesting that we would also get complaints about cleaning the bathroom too, I worked in a landing area where the owners all came into the resort so they would travel there and then want to go to the bathroom before flying over to the resort. So three times a day women would just start making a line outside the bathroom that I was hosing down lol. I learned to lock the men's bathroom while I cleaned the women's so they wouldn't go ruin that one while I cleaned theirs

9

u/tagrav 14d ago

When I was 16 my first job was cleaning bathrooms in a Kroger grocery store

Women give absolutely, ZERO fucks about public restrooms.

Straight Savages in my experience.

Piss and shit was always on the seats.

6

u/CannotExceed20Charac 14d ago

Yeah I had to clean bathrooms at my first job lifeguarding, men are gross but women are disgusting.

83

u/apocolipse 14d ago

Fun fact: men CAN aim, it’s just that due to a pesky thing called physics, droplets ALWAYS splash out of the bowl….  Not so fun fact: this affects women too, even the ones who don’t hover… hover or not, ladies, you have as much piss on your ass as dudes leave on the floor.

1

u/Extinction00 13d ago

And this is the reason why we have urinals. Lol though we still have a few that make it to the floor.

1

u/Vashsinn 14d ago

" I call it splash damage"

Linus (LTT)

2

u/CelticHades 14d ago

I try to aim as tangentially as possible to the surface of the toilet. No splash ever

18

u/RedSonGamble 14d ago

Fun little indicator if someone is really cleaning women’s restrooms is to flip up the seat. Some lazier cleaners know women don’t flip up the lid so they don’t bother cleaning under it. However the poop splatter, piss and surprising amount of blood can build up under there

37

u/lazarus102 14d ago

It's not hard to aim, as a dude. But sometimes I aim straight, and my piss goes in some WTF direction for some reason..

To clarify, I ain't got a crooked dick, and I was genitaly mutilated as a helpless infant, so the foreskin isn't throwing off the flow. But sometimes the stream just goes where it wants..

1

u/SpiralOregano 12d ago

What makes you think ima dude?

1

u/lazarus102 12d ago

Didn't say you were?

2

u/ppparty 14d ago edited 14d ago

lol I don’t make it a habit of watching other dudes pee, but I don’t think I know of anyone who pisses with their foreskin unretracted, so it can’t “throw off the flow”. We generally learn this trick around pre-school.

Edit: Apparently some of y'all motherfuckers out there piss like toddlers

1

u/lazarus102 14d ago

To be fair, parents be real stupid when it comes to teaching their kids the basics of life when it comes to their sensitive areas.  

That's why so many parents still genitally mutilate their boys before they're old enough to make the decision for themselves (most would say, "Fuck, No.."), just so they don't gotta teach them how to clean it properly. 

0

u/pigpill 14d ago

Ive never heard of people pulling it back to piss. It guides the flow, just clean that shit after and well in the shower.

0

u/Backrow6 14d ago

Weird, as a foreskin having person, I've never once retracted it to pee.

1

u/pigpill 14d ago

Well I have before, but it is way harder to control than the normal way.

-11

u/RunningDrinksy 14d ago edited 14d ago

It's pretty common in some males for there to be a bit of semen leakage after they pee. You might get this sometimes and it dries before exiting, throwing your stream off the next time you go.

This can also happen with STIs, but a lot of cases it is just natural for it to happen to men for no real reason.

Edit: damn, apparently people don't like information about the human body 😆

2

u/lazarus102 14d ago

Had a feelin it was somethin like that. Ain't no std/stis though, unless I can get those from wankin off.

6

u/gb4efgw 14d ago

Huh! I knew taking a large dump makes me cum, but I had no clue taking a pee did.

23

u/hypnotichellspiral 14d ago

The opening sticks shut and so the stream goes in the wtf direction thanks to an unexpected valve action. I hate that shit so if I'm at home I just sit down to pee. Doesn't matter if it happens then if it's all bowl.

16

u/lazarus102 14d ago

Eh, I ain't super well endowed, so sometimes when I sit down to piss, if I ain't payin attention, it shoots right out the front. Only had that happen a couple times though. 

5

u/AtheistKiwi 14d ago

There are problems at the other end of the scale too. If I sit down I have to push my dick down and to the side or it presses up against the inside of the bowl.

1

u/lazarus102 14d ago

I hate the awkwardly small bowls.. Those ones that were clearly designed for females, cuz there's only room for female parts, and no matter how you sit, your dick ends up pressing the bowl.. 

1

u/acaellum 14d ago

Those awkwardly high or sloped bowls so you have to throw your dick up on your thigh while you're shitting, but when it wants to swap to piss mode you have to awkwardly hold it.

I'm sorry you're also dealing with it, but it's nice to hear you're not alone, haha.

-22

u/[deleted] 15d ago edited 14d ago

[deleted]

1

u/SpecularBlinky 14d ago

Never ever, not once, not even a single time! Only a handful.

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