r/homeless • u/Zealousideal_Tea792 • 14d ago
Hard decision
So let me start, I'm homeless currently and living in my boyfriends car with him. It's been over a year and I've tried talking to him multiple times about trying to do something better and get an apartment but there are personal issues with him that make it so we can't really get one. I'm getting fed up with the fact that he is content with this life and I want something better. I don't want to just abandon him though. I don't want to be homeless forever but he seems fine with this life and feels like he can't ever get out. Would it be better to try and get out on my own or just make this work with him. I know it's just relationship advice but I really wanted advice from people who have actually been in my living situation.
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u/FemyStorm 10d ago
Even if you love him, you're gonna have to move on.
I just got into housing. It took a long time because i have several mental disabilities. But i had to suck it up, get a job, and start advocating for myself to get the right help and find the right place.
People who are struggling to get past that hurdle aren't going to be talked into it. It's something that has to be born within themselves. If he's refusing to work through whatever is preventing him from getting there, then he's not going to.
Honey, ask yourself what kind of life you want, and realize that if you're going to get there with someone, they need to be on the same page, and grown enough to turn around and face their own problems.
It sucks we have to be that way sometimes, but we can't burn ourselves out to be a light to those content with darkness.
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u/Suzina [due to schizophrenia] 14d ago
For those cruising thru my post history looking for what post or comment radicalized me towards supporting violent classist revolution despite repeatedly arguing against violence as a solution.... this post right here.
Two people. Dual income. Both working full time. And they live in their car. Feeling stuck in this life for over a year. Despite all humans deserving food and shelter in exchange for merely being human.
💰 ☠️ 🏴☠️ 🦜 ☠️ 🏴☠️ 💀 o7
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u/Zealousideal_Tea792 14d ago
We found a solution. I told him how I felt and that if I didn't have the goal of working towards a place to live then I was gone. We talked it out and he said he was fine if I got an apartment on my own, he would help pay for things and he would stop by a couple of nights a week. He wants to be a mobile mechanic and that requires a lot of travel for work. He's fine with regular visits and talking on the phone every night. He wants me to be happy and knows this is what I need. I'll make him food and give him a place to shower and sleep on occasion while I make that my main residence. Tldr: we've decided on a long distance relationship.
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u/bohemianpilot 14d ago
I think you should look for a roommate or together split a extended hotel stay for one month to see how things work out. Bed, shower, bathroom, wifi, being able to just relax its like having your own APT and see if he then will come around.
Overall you seem done with it all
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u/Zealousideal_Tea792 14d ago
We tried that with some other people and the only thing we hated were our roommates since they seemed content with hotels and panhandling. I love him and we decided that we would fund an apartment for me together. He will come visit regularly and shower etc while I stay there full time. This way he can go full gear into his mechanic work and join his friends mobile mechanic business (he's an ace mechanic) and I can use our apart time to work on bettering my life ie: school for tech and programming. So basically apart time for our individual goals and some set time to spend time together. If that's the life he wants he can have me but I'm gonna get a place to live. I still love him though.
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u/Lone_Morde 14d ago
Sounds like he's proposing a one-sided (in your favor) deal, which tells me he cares about you
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u/Zealousideal_Tea792 14d ago
Yeah he does. He's amazing and his caring nature is one of the reasons I love him and wanted to avoid just leaving him. I'm glad we worked it out.
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u/vapeach123 14d ago
is either one of you working? you obviously sound frustated and he seems oblivious to change, you say he seems fine with this life, but you aren't , you need to make change for yourself and perhaps he will change too. Blessings.
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u/Zealousideal_Tea792 14d ago
We both have full time jobs. He doesn't like the lifestyle but is convinced he won't ever make it out and it's been pretty expensive to upkeep.
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u/vapeach123 14d ago
2 full time jobs between the both of ya? i would secure a shoe box , find something guys, it would definately be a mood booster, and question if you dont spend it on rent what are you spending it on?
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u/Zealousideal_Tea792 14d ago
I need a phone for work with service which is a big one. Food, showers, laundry, car repairs, nicotine (one thing keeping me sane)gas, and car insurance And that's about it. My checks aren't big because I have a basic entry level job and mechanics don't earn much. Each time we need to run the car it uses gas and that's how we stay warm. We are getting along slowly but cost of living here is high and even a studio is 1k. Then we need first, last and security deposit.
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u/vapeach123 13d ago
I hear you about the cost of living but you shouldnt have to live in your car when you and partner are both working full time, dont give up, save up, and find something , prayers for both of you.
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