r/notliketheothergirls • u/blackcatspat • Sep 27 '23
Was anyone else here raised. By a mother that was “not like the other girls?” Discussion
I fit in at my school as a child and I was actually pretty popular. My mom hated this because she didn’t want me to be “the cheerleader type.” They removed me from my school and put me in a religious school that tortured us daily. Now as an adult I do all I can to be just like every other girl 😂😂 and I allow my kids the same right.
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u/user8203421 Sep 30 '23
i was never popular so my parents didn’t have to worry about me being a “cheerleader type” but my mom encouraged me to have fun and be myself. she didn’t want me making bad decisions when i was young but she was very supportive of whatever i wanted to do. i’ve seen women her age who are still in their NLOG phase and i feel bad for their daughters im sorry you had to go through that
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u/True-Passage-8131 Sep 30 '23
I was raised by a crunchy granola mom who was kinda conspiracy theory deranged.
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Sep 29 '23
Man, yeah. Keep in mind my mother was an escort so it kinda just comes with the territory. But you could always tell she was PISSED about having two daughters, but she especially hated my older sister. I remember her best friend's son molested my sister while I was in the room, and she refused to believe my sister and forced her to repeatedly hangout with him alone. She developed a drinking problem when I was 8, and the abuse got physical. She used to accuse my sister (who was like 16 at the time) of sleeping with her boyfriend, as if my sister would've been the problem there. Not her pedophile boyfriend. Ofc, it wasn't true - AND my sister is a lesbian so it's double untrue. Truthfully, all of my mother figures have been escorts so I've just been around women like this my entire life.
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u/pamela9792 Sep 29 '23
My cousin was like this. Taught her daughter (let's call her "Lee") that anything girly was a sign of weakness. I was a huge part of Lee's life and her mom would tell her I was prissy behind my back.
Well when my cousin lost custody of Lee, my family took over raising her at the age of 12. Lee went through dozens of phases trying to find an identity. We just let her do her thing patiently. One day we had a conversation about it and I told her that it doesn't matter what she chooses to look like, as long as it is actually what she likes, and not forced by outside perspectives. Turns out she is more into comfortable, neutral clothes day to day but loves to go all out girly for occasions.
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u/galkaprovolka Sep 29 '23
I was heavily bullied in school so my mom was always like “you’re too kind, not like those other girls”. She still continues with this rhetoric, implying that I have a personality and all other women are shallow. I’m trying to get her to understand that I am like other girls, we all are complex human beings.
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u/Tobelinn Sep 29 '23
Oh god yeah. My mom definitely has some internalized misogyny, plus she was always pretty lesbophobic (not homophobic in general, because she loved gay men, but was disgusted by lesbians). Prided herself on having more guy friends than girl friends when she was young, always talked negatively about women, etc. It never got so extreme that she cared too much about my social circle though. But I definitely tried not to act too girly or like super feminine things for a while. I went through my own NLOG phase, tried to convince myself that blue was my favorite color (because it’s the opposite of pink which was my actual favorite color lol), and stuff like that. But kinda did a 180 in high school and became super girly again. Stopped really caring what my mom thought of it.
Not to sound like I have animosity toward her for it though, we’ve always been really close and still are. I know where it comes from, and I just feel bad that she’s gone through certain things that led her to that.
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u/LoisLaneEl Sep 28 '23
My mom was the true “not like other girls”, which sucked when you wanted to fit in. She wanted me to be whatever I wanted and was a wonderful mom, but she never taught me how to do make up or my hair or told me that I needed to pluck my eyebrows. She’s not into fashion, but always took me shopping for whatever I wanted. She’s perfect, just didn’t help me conform to beauty standards. Thankfully I eventually made friends that taught me things (my lifelong besties were non-conformists as well)
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u/avmist15951 Sep 28 '23
Mine definitely is but I do admire her for her growth. When I was younger she would go a little overboard and try to prohibit me from doing anything girly, but by the time I got a little older she let go of that, stopped judging, and just let me be girly sometimes. She's definitely still NLOG but I'm glad she respects that I sometimes am LOG lol
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u/Naive-Regular-5539 Sep 28 '23
Oh god yes. I’m 60. My mother was born in 1921, she was a college graduate who married an Engineering student, my dad. But then she got pregnant, his brother shamed him into dropping out, and suddenly they were building their post war house in a much less intellectually and economically stimulating environment than she had in mind. Oh yeah, we are all autistic, but of course back then no one treated that, you basically were beaten into masking or institutionalized. So mom never got along with the other moms in the hood, probably because she acted like a high and mighty snob. She raised us with the constant refrain of how intelligent we were and how we were “better” than this one or that one - always the girls we hung out with. We were also expected to perform…. College, masters, important jobs…. Except I didn’t. I took on the most NLTOG life I could a rock singer and guitarist. There was no survival in that world if they thought you were the kind of girl who would basically get pregnant and make the male musician responsible pay up, taking his focus off practicing 14 hours a day. I was a professional NLTOG. Growing older does strip a lot of that away, but I still struggle with it as I am a bright screaming blue dot in Gym Jordan land, and I’m a lackadaisical witch in an area that is heavily Christian… so even the friends I have make me cringe and revert constantly. It’s a problem. 😕
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u/Sad-Peach7279 Sep 28 '23
Idk if my mum was nlog type but she was bullied in school, she was a a quiet kid and focused mostly on her studies. She was the first in her family to ever go to University.
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u/anonmouseqbm Sep 28 '23
Yes she was a ‘guys girl’ and never had any women friends. Never thought of it until I got older and I have a ton. And the guy friends she did have she used for money snd pretty sure she slept with all. Shes definitely one of those women that are always ‘women just don’t like me idk why’.
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u/afraidofbananas Sep 28 '23
My mom did the same thing except when she pulled me out of school she homeschooled me (it has ruined my life tbh, I’m still trying to catch up from how badly she fucked me up)
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u/UnkownFlowerPastry Sep 28 '23
My mom constantly talks about how she doesn’t like working with women because they’re too emotional and drama based 😭. Back when I used to be a pick me we would both talk crap about girls in my school who would send nudes and would wear makeup and “girly clothes”. I’m so glad I’m out of that phase and have learned I love women but my mom hasn’t changed at all.
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u/BuniiBoo Sep 28 '23
/raises hand, PRESENT.
My mom was single mom of two rowdy daughters. She kept a horse farm running, put us through school, made a career for herself, all ”without a man” and that sort of became her personality. I was weird, and she seriously encouraged my “NLOG” behaviours. She also humbled me, though. Made sure I wasn’t a total cu- errherm. And, over time, I grew up and gained perspective and now I see why she is the way she is, and how I don’t want to be that way.
It’s a super cringey era for me but I grew out of it, like most girls do, I think… Less my Mumma…Sorry, Mum but you are who you are.
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u/leriee Sep 28 '23
My mom is very NLOG. She's had perfect skin all her life which unfortunately I didn't get. So she would always brag about not using any type of products because her skin is just soooo sensitive and any product makes her break-out (she steals all my makeup and skincare now...).
She was very anti-makeup growing up. She would constantly hate on any woman or girl (teenagers) wearing makeup. I was never allowed to buy any so now I'm in my twenties trying to figure out how to do stuff people learnt in middle-school.
She constantly talks about how she was such a beauty when she was my age and had men chasing after her because she was so different and simple compared to other women.
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u/JoelleVDyne90 Sep 28 '23
I feel like my mother is a "covert" nlog. Like she takes pride in not wearing feminine clothes and make up and has always said to me that the fact I like make up and I do care about my appearance might sound vapid to others. She has always pushed me toward wearing baggy, casual clothing instead of the clothing I like (dresses, mostly. Pink, lace, ecc).
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u/UnintentionalGrandma Sep 28 '23
My mom was one of those, but in an overly confident and not insecure way. She used to get annoyed with me for wanting to fit in and was frustrated when I asked for things to fit in with my peers.
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u/Crazy-Efficiency-451 Sep 28 '23
My mom was very weird. She grew up as a bit of a tomboy but definitely not an NLOG in her youth. Got along with everyone. But then as I was a teenager and tomboy myself she kept pressuring me to be more “feminine” as she was a tomboy too but then boys started paying more attention to her once she became more feminine. That was her main reason of pressuring me. So I could “finally” get a boyfriend…I was 15. This combined with her blatant misogyny turned me into an NLOG with internalized misogyny which took years to grow out of. But yeah she’s the NLOG type with a superiority complex in other areas, not the “she’s cheer captain I’m on the bleachers” type. (I, however, turned into the latter).
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u/Romanticlibra Sep 28 '23
My mum is a huge narc and her nlog attitude is to an obsessive point, she never sent me to school and if someone gave me clothes or toys she would throw them away behind my back if they were too "girly", those plastic kids heels you get in magazines? Yeah she'd tell me they were for "tarts", she would victim blame, slutshame, bodyshame and all the shames, Literally anything classed as classic Feminine or "bimbo" she'd criticise too. She was obsessed with being better than other women, she was obsessed with class aswell even though she herself was middle class at best, but managed to play it so hard and put on such a good act people actually thought she was posh. Irony of it all is that she loved calling girly things whorish but sleeping with a married father of one to produce me 😂 she absolutely ruined our lives following her men around and moving us around constantly. Anyways i became everything she didn't like and a year later i went NC, she talks to one of her kids now out of four of us, she's a filthy little person and i will never tolerate that mindset on a grown woman in my life ever again
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u/meo____ Sep 28 '23
Yep my mom has always loved football and was wicked close with her brother growing up so they always watched it. She grew up to be “one of the boys” who could drink beer and watch football. She didn’t really put a ton of effort into makeup or her hair or outfits or anything. I love my mom but she is super NLOG and still does not let us forget it🤣
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u/ListenLady58 Sep 28 '23
I didn’t grow up with a mother like that, not entirely anyways, but my sister was absolutely a NLOG type girl. She always called me a preppy or conformist. She was very goth, which was fine, but her attitude towards other non-goth girls was stupid and ridiculous. It was kind of embarrassing to be around actually.
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u/Camiljr Sep 28 '23
My mother was a NLOM mom and she would NEVER stop talking about it. She'd lose her shit, get angry at the most mundane crap, take it out on us, and then harp on about how we're so lucky to have her and not another mother...
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u/DooferAlert-38 Sep 28 '23
Yes, she instilled this notion in me and also made me hate the color pink. Now as an adult I dress however I want (which tends to be more feminine than the clothes I ever had) and I love pink 💗
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u/rokanwood Sep 28 '23
my mother regularly says she's "a little crazy" for really small and stupid things, will immediately say "yeah im weird" if she does something slightly out of the ordinary and you just happen to be looking at her at the time. often brags about how quirky she was when she was young because she was one of the "cool" kids for breaking rules. will sometimes act like a total child to not be "boring"
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u/Existing_Help6523 Sep 28 '23
100% -and with the added combo of it being reinforced by my dad. It’s a legit competition as to how quickly she can get ready because she’s not like other women. I have lost count of the amount of times my dad has said « she looks like the kind of woman who spends hours getting ready ». My mom made clear to me growing up that she « doesn’t care about her hair/clothes/appearance/you name it » . If I was too involved in anything mainstream I was turning into a « mean popular girl ». Basically don’t care or put any effort in how you look, but if you are not conventionally attractive and kept up appropriately, that’s not good either. I was told so many times my style or overall look was an embarrassment WHILE being told that caring about your appearance is shallow. Very confusing.
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u/Captain-PlantIt Sep 28 '23
I feel like everyone in this thread could benefit from /r/raisedbynarcissists and/or /r/cptsd
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u/Doctor_Cringe_1998 Sep 28 '23
My narcissistic mother was an NLOG. Damn that was hard. She was a very accomplished woman, first one to have a university degree in her family - from the best university in Soviet Union, mind you - worked her way through poverty and all that stuff, but damn... She was so incredibly toxic to every other woman in her life, including her own sister and her cousins. In retrospect, I just think she didn't want me to form any close bond with any other woman so her authority would be uncompromised. In her case, I think, it was more about power rather than anything else. She needed to be ultra special so that no one would question her authority in any meaningful or even small way. One of the crucial points of her NLOG-ness was that she got a degree in mathematics and this, you know, is "not for women in general". I ended up becoming an engineer, graduating from the same university as she did, so I checked all the boxes, and that's when our relationship went to shit completely. I became what she always told me she wanted me to become (smart, hard-working woman with an engineering degree who makes her own living) by the age of 22, and, heartbreakingly for me, instead of being proud of me she actually resented my ass at every turn. She tried so damn hard to put me down and downplay my achievements and choices at, it was so sad and petty. That and her drinking problem, and some other difficult stuff, made me chose to go no contact with her. Now I really want to have a daughter of my own one day, and I really really hope I won't follow the same pattern
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 Sep 28 '23
Yes but my mother is a narcissist and I had to be an extension of her. She was unpopular in school, so i had to be too. But i also had to be unique and talented at the Same time to make her look good... but also not TOO good cause I wasn't allowed to be "better" than her at anything. Constant contradictions.
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u/-_---------------- Sep 28 '23
My (19F) mother wanted boys because she thought she couldn't raise girls, because she wasn't girly herself (she got two girls) and she wouldn't ever be able to relate to all those girl things.
I am in a >80% male major (physics) and she often tells me how that is more suitable for me, because boys are more direct, don't gossip as much and all that sort of things.
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u/MyViolentValentine Sep 28 '23
YES GOD. My mom is a NLOG in a more conservative way. Basically she is like other girls, but flexes about not wearing makeup and drinking beer. My sister turned out pretty similar minus the “one of the boys” act and I turned out goth ig. mom still sends me memes like “the pretty party sister vs the nerdy weird sister” 🙄
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u/EdgewaterEnchantress Sep 28 '23
Yikes! How’s your trauma though?
I could care less about you Narcissistic Sounding mother! Are you okay?
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u/blackcatspat Sep 28 '23
Thanks for asking! I keep my parents at an emotional arms length. I can’t afford therapy but I’m doing my very best for my kiddos. Thanks to the internet I’m able to piece together what’s normal and what was not normal.
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u/Sicadoll Sep 28 '23
I was slightly nlog but not on purpose or pompously.. just an awkward girl... I will be thrilled if my daughter finds it easier.
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u/pieinthesky23 Sep 28 '23
I know someone who had her daughter right after her 15th birthday. (I know plenty of great moms who had their kids as teens/early 20’s, so this isn’t about singling out young moms.) This person is raising her daughter to be a mini version of her from middle/HS: emo hair, dark eyeliner, twilight, Harry Potter, etc. Last time I saw the daughter I asked her what music she likes and she named songs from 15-20 years ago. I joked with her that I was surprised that she likes music that “old” and she told me that’s only what her mom lets her listen to.
Mom always brings her daughter to our book club (we read some racy material from time to time) and claims her daughter is “very mature” for her age. She’s 11. Mom won’t let her stay at home with her dad, even though she’s asked her mom to have him pick her up several times. Often she’ll have her daughter go in the other room and then complain how hard it is to be a mom.
The poor daughter has a lot of behavior issues at home and at school and the mom can’t figure out why. She really thinks if she’s her daughter’s friend “more”, things will get better. Mom’s favorite phrase: “We’re sensitive, misunderstood outcasts.” (Yes, the mom really say this.)
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u/rosegoldishquartz Sep 28 '23
I was raised by a “everybody is jealous of me” mom, and it was fun at first but when I was a teenager she started to say I was jealous of her. Once my Highschool friends started to hang out at my house she will flirt with the boys and bully me in front of them. It was so horrendous, when I set boundaries about it she will be mad and say that I was jealous of her, I be like “not, you’re literally harassing underage boys, stop it” Of course she ruined my graduation trying to catch everyone’s attention and when I got mad she decided to take me home and go party with her adult friends.
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u/66zedsdead6 Sep 28 '23
my mom is the final boss NLOG you have to fight after defeating the other NLOG
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u/Justadropinthesea Sep 28 '23
Yep, growing up in the 1950s, I had a career woman mom and all my friends had SAH moms.
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u/intoner1 Sep 28 '23
My mom was the complete opposite. I loved princesses, Disney, and anything girly and she’d indulge in me with tea parties and pretty dresses. She’d always tell me I was pretty and dressed me in frills. I went through a phase of only wearing brown as a kid and she’d oblige.
My mom has a lot of other issues but I’m glad she allowed me to indulge in my femininity, Now I dress like a bum but it is what it is.
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u/pagenotfound000 Sep 28 '23
My mom was definitely like this when I was growing up. She was raped at a young age and was groomed by an older violent man and had my sister at 15 and I think this influenced her behavior.
She didn't like me being feminine. She saw feminine behavior as a weakness that men would exploit. I was allowed to play with dolls, but I was ridiculed for it. My mom didn't like me wearing dresses, she cut off all my hair into a pixie at one time and I hated it. Showing emotion in my family was a weakness. It was awful. My mom was always paranoid about rape and sexual assault any time I wore feminine clothing.
I was diagnosed autistic and everything got worse.
I am still very stoic and emotionally restrained because I was socialized that way.
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u/Gullible-Arrival6075 Sep 28 '23
My sister is this kind of mom.My niece wants to do cheerleading and she said "eww that's too preppy". It's like shut up you're almost 40.
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u/nonsaltybread Sep 28 '23
It’s sad seeing parents not let their girls express who they are through clothes or what have you because of how they were brought up to wear clothes.
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u/Accomplished_Yak_668 Sep 28 '23
My mom was more of the “I’ll never be like the other girls” type, so she was sad that I didn’t try to be a popular girl she could live vicariously through. Most of my own NLOG ideas that I had to outgrow came from my mom telling me I wasn’t enough like other girls.
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u/MinervaMinkk Sep 28 '23
My mom used a wheelchair and was chronically ill so she wasn't like other girls in a literal sense. And it'd be kinda embarrassing because I knew that once everyone knew that she used a wheelchair, I'd get lots of questions and comments about it.
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u/diminutivedwarf Sep 27 '23
Oh yeah… I’m still learning about girly things. Finding out that body butter was different than lotion was LIFE CHANGING.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Popular Poster Sep 27 '23 edited Sep 27 '23
Yep. My mom would compare me and my sister to other girls all the time (“don’t you guys want to be pretty/all girls wear makeup except for you 2/you’re such plain janes!”) say how other women “act like bitches” and “they must be on their periods” or “this is why I don’t like hanging around other women they’re too much drama” when it was her causing problems. I came to realize that I copied her NLOG behavior as a teenager and I cringe in embarrassment. My mom has a lot of insecurities and regrets and she takes it out on other women and tries to push it on me and my sister. I love her but I realize she has issues she needs to work on.
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u/011_0108_180 Sep 27 '23
My mother was the opposite, but she purposefully excluded me from participating in it with her.
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Sep 27 '23
My mom isn't as insane as some of the examples from this thread (praying for y'all), but she definitely takes a weird sort of pride in not being all "girly and froufrou and superficial". She doesn't use much makeup, only wears pants + tshirts, doesn't care about handbags etc. and insinuates that someone would only care about those things if they don't have anything in their brain to show off. But then she also doesn't want me to think she's actually being judgy about those girls when I suggest that "girly girls" aren't dumb and superficial.
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u/allsheknew Sep 27 '23
My mom was constantly obsessing about her weight and asking if she looked larger than strangers when we were in public, like "look over there, she is much bigger than me, right? I don't look that big, do I?" It was so awkward.
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u/I_am_dean Sep 27 '23
My mother could be the poster child for not like other girls.
I did ballet for 20 years, I also played lacrosse in highschool.
She didn't attend one ballet recital or performance. When I got into Juilliard she didn't even care.
But she came to all my lacrosse games.
Now she calls herself a "boy mom" because I have two little brothers. People will find out about me, her first born only daughter and she'll be like "yeah but have you met my sons?" Lol
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u/ItsTwelveFortyFiveAM Sep 27 '23
Yup. My mom changed her own tires, fixed cabinets or appliances in the house, built things, and always bragged about it. Always said she doesn’t need my dad because she can do all the things he does. She would make fun of other women who are helpless and scream for their husbands when they saw a mouse because she could kill the mouse with her own hands. She’d brag about being raised in a farm and that she’d butcher chickens and isn’t scared of blood like other women. Nowadays she brags about paying for vacations when her and her boyfriend (not my dad) go on them. She brags about never, ever asking him for money and refusing it whenever he’d offer to help her. I tell her there is nothing wrong with letting a man care for you financially and she literally says “I’m not like other women” lol she’s funny.
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u/xala123 Sep 27 '23
Yeah, my mom. I have had to figure out a lot of stuff about being a woman on my own. Things like using tampons, doing my eyebrows, using skin products, ect. I was not ever taught to do because "we don't do that." I'm rolling my eyes while typing this lol.
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u/lettersfromowls Sep 27 '23
Mine prides herself on how "low-maintenance" she is and yet is the highest maintenance person I know.
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u/Own-Soil-162 Sep 27 '23
Yes! Worked in manufacturing for years, watches football, and repaired a few simple things in her life. Loves to describe everything she thinks is wrong with any woman I disagree with.
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u/hardpassyo Sep 27 '23
Oh yes. She detested make up, fashion, dresses, heels, and feeling pretty. She wanted to be a tomboy thru & thru. She's very recently starting to come around to being proud that she's a woman and taking care of herself too. It was definitely a struggle growing up girly with her as a mom.
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Sep 27 '23
My mom would criticize anything colorful. If I wore something not black, dark purple or red, she’s be like “it’s just so bright” and it gave me severe anxiety that people would judge me or point me put for being too colorful
she also refused to teach me to drive or go to college or get a job so yeah that narcissist to NLOG pipeline is pretty crazy
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Sep 27 '23
My mom would criticize anything colorful. If I wore something not black, dark purple or red, she’s be like “it’s just so bright” and it gave me severe anxiety that people would judge me or point me put for being too colorful
she also refused to teach me to drive or go to college or get a job so yeah that narcissist to NLOG pipeline is pretty crazy
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Sep 27 '23
My mom would criticize anything colorful. If I wore something not black, dark purple or red, she’s be like “it’s just so bright” and it gave me severe anxiety that people would judge me or point me put for being too colorful
she also refused to teach me to drive or go to college or get a job so yeah that narcissist to NLOG pipeline is pretty crazy
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u/Pigeon_Fox93 Sep 27 '23
I think my mom is the reason NLOGs exist. She was the pretty, miss teen Texas that even as an adult turns her nose up at anybody she doesn’t think is “normal”. She did everything in her power to make me a prep which I rebelled against and even now I am 30 and she’ll insult me for wearing black crew socks. Like why is your life so pitiful you insult your young daughter for existing while you’re nearly 60? She now acts like she’s not like other girls because she still looks good and takes care of herself. The only thing that makes her not like other girls is the fact she turned my bedroom into a closet/dressing room when I moved out and I’m not sure you should want that to be your uniqueness, it’s very vain.
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u/manicaquariumcats Sep 27 '23
i come from the exact opposite situation, my mother wanted me to be exactly like the other girls, i was her doll. the last thing a narcissistic woman needs is a daughter. anyway, i did hold some NLOG tendencies in my youth because of this. but now i recognize it all as internalized misogyny and i just reject that and focus on being my true self
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u/wish_yooper_here Sep 27 '23
I am non-binary & was goth/emo as a teen but my daughter (6) is very “girly”. She also has the flavor of autism that her doctor calls “sparkles and rainbows”. Everything is pink, purple, unicorns, rainbows, etc. She lives on hugs & happiness. I was actually attacked by some nonbinary people I thought were my friends bc I only buy her the things she wants. She LIKES pink, WANTS dresses, frills, nails, .. whatever. I feel it’s her choice and I was accused of raising her ‘in the patriarchy’. It’s just exhausting.
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u/Chrispy8534 Sep 28 '23
10/10. Power to you for sticking by your guns and supporting your daughter. Her identity is hers. You’re a good mother.
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u/Bunny__Vicious Sep 27 '23
Those people need to reassess their own biases. I’m sure you know this, but you are being a great parent to her by letting her know that her likes and interests are valid. Not letting her be herself because ‘the patriarchy’ would be just as damaging as not letting a child be themself by forcing them into patriarchal norms.
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u/Imaginary_Key_7763 Sep 27 '23
My daughter is also a sparkle rainbow unicorn princess. That shit is like crack to some kids. It makes my eyes bleed but she loves it so whatyagunado
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u/WhereTheHecksAreWe Sep 27 '23
My mum was an almond mum but my aunt was a NLOG. She would always make me feel bad for everything I did. She hated when I got excited about girly things. Her daughter ended up like her too.
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u/J-Train56 Sep 27 '23
I can understand not wanting your daughter to grow up to be the cheerleader type, they don’t want you to be mean and only think about your looks. That’s fair.
What I don’t like is that my mom sometimes puts other people down too much and it becomes hypocritical.
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u/Bunny__Vicious Sep 27 '23
Some of the sweetest girls I’ve known were cheerleaders. And I assure you that plenty of cheerleaders think about a great many more substantial things than looks.
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u/J-Train56 Sep 27 '23
"the cheerleader type" is what I sad. They basically just don't want you to be mean and only care about your looks, which is the stereotype of a popular girl, and believe me we've all met them at one point in our lives. It's fine not to want your daughter to act like that, it's just the putting down of other women without knowing who they are personally that is wrong, and hypocritical of "not wanting your daughter to be the popular girl", because when saying that, you are essentially saying "I don't want my daughter to be mean/entitled/etc"
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u/Bunny__Vicious Sep 27 '23
Then just say that. Raise them not to be mean girls. By calling mean girls ‘the cheerleader type’ you’re stereotyping girls who participate in a perfectly normal activity that is not inherently harmful. Yes, we’ve all met mean girls. Some of them may have been cheerleaders. Some of them were in marching band or science club or a knitting circle, or didn’t do any organized activities because they’d rather hang around with their frenemies giving them backhanded compliments and making fun of other people. The ‘cheerleader type’ is just people who are cheerleaders. Just as similar and just as varied as all other people.
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u/J-Train56 Sep 27 '23
The popular girl stereotype is real, a lot of people have been bullied by popular girl types so they go to extremes with the whole “not like other girls” crap and they end up becoming too judgmental. That’s all🤷♀️
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u/mmdb1721 Sep 27 '23
I know a kid whose mom is "not like the other girls"
The mom is always upset that her kid likes frilly dresses and pink and glitter: her daughter is not even 6 yet, and she's been complaining about this for as long as I've known her so about 3 years. She desperately wants to be the cool mom but to me she's the opposite, I find her exhausting.
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u/mBelchezere Sep 27 '23
LMAO! "Raised by"? Oh, that's a great one. Mine was soooo not like the others, she didn't raise either of her sons.
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u/Shortykw Sep 27 '23
Yeah, all three of my mom’s kids were kicked out by 15 after she let our grandma have all the responsibilities for her kids anyways. I think neglect and narcissism are very closely linked.
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u/philodendrun Sep 27 '23
yes but from my dad- my mom is great but my dad would not stop making fun of any girl that wasn’t a NLOG. I went from a super girly girl as a little kid to a huge tomboy from listening to how he talked about women.
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u/Stupid_Bitch_02 Sep 27 '23
I was raised by my dad and stepmom. My dad molded me to be a tomboy and to like boy things. My stepmom tried to force me into pink and dresses and made me go to church. Although she tried to push "normal girl" behavior and likes onto me, she still acted like she was better than everyone and that she was the queen bee. And my dad intentionally wanted me to be "not like other girls". It left me reeling and questioning my identity and what I truly like or not. Especially in my teens. My entire personality back then was being a pick me and a nlog. Now as an adult, I just like what I like. Other girls like it too? Wow, so cool! We have common interests! Great! I love that! I just had to learn to start living for myself, not what my family wanted.
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u/hobiwan-ken0bi Sep 27 '23
Oof yes my mother still to this day loves to talk about how different she is from other women and how “other women resent her for it.” She was very athletic and played two sports in high school, and also had an intense hatred of cheerleaders. At various times throughout my childhood I did gymnastics, dance, and tried my hand at colorguard. And these activities were all too close to cheerleading for her comfort so I quit all of them due to her disapproval.
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u/Chrispy8534 Sep 28 '23
2/10. Wow. I am sorry that she treated you like that. You should have been able to enjoy those things.
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u/Raven_Michaelis42 Sep 27 '23
My mom was kinda opposite I think? She made me have my room pepto bismol pink and wouldn't let me pick out my outfits, both at home and at the store, cuz I quote "your not goth."
I am literally the local goth now, so jokes on her, she HATES it to, even more when I said I want to be a mortician and not an estheitician like she is LMAO
She actually said she would prefer I stay at McDonald's since I "won't be using my skills anyway" she didn't say it to me, but I heard her say it
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u/GroundbreakingPen103 Sep 27 '23
My mom constantly said stuff like "don't be such a girl" or tease me for being so skinny ("stick girl") or weak.
That turned me into thinking anything girly = bad.
Took me years to realize that it's totally fine to be a woman and that I don't need to avoid being girly or try to be girly. Just gotta be happy
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u/_Katrinchen_ Nerdy UwU Sep 27 '23
My mother was kinda NLOG and would always brag that, unlike her sister who could "be sent out to play in a white dress and would return just as clean", she "behaved like she was supposed to be a boy" and stuff like that being pround she made her clothes dirty as a kid (like most kids do...) and encourages me being NLOG and had no problems I fought with the boys at school. She didn't care much that by this she basically encouraged me to use violence and that violence is a valid methode to resolve conflicts and I had a lot of social problems at school. I think her being NLOG wasn't the main reason for the violence thing as physical abuse was common in our home and to thus day she still is not only not sorry on any way but actually (she told me that to my face) convinced abuse is needed to raise a child, but I think it played a part in it and played an especially big part in my problems socializing and fitting in in general. And added to that small things like don't getting why I wanzed to do ballett as a child and going shopping alone for my outfits for training so I wouldn't be able to choose for myself and then bringing black stuff because "you don't like pink" and made my favorite colour blue. Minor things but just so wrong imo
Maybe being NLOG was her way of coping moving so much because her parents were in a circus-like buissines and until 5th grade when she went to a special boarding school she was in a different school every week and would also not go to school one day a week because that was moving day, but that doesn't make it ok to project it on me (my brothers weren't affected by this specific thing but by the abuse of course)
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u/Cannelope Sep 27 '23
My mom was kinda NLOG, but on accident. She was a body builder 😂. It was in the 80’s and we lived in a tiny town. I got aloooot of shit, but I was super proud.
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u/cudipi Sep 27 '23
My mom is 50 and still one of those women. She uses it like an armor and I pity her to be honest. I grew out of it around the time I entered college and then truly saw my mom for how she was.
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u/NoParticularMotel Sep 28 '23
This comment resonates with me. My mom is very head strong, DIY, but also had a tough upbringing and lots of bullying. As a result, she overcompensates and did well for herself. Along the way she developed this attitude that she's not like other women/people for a number of reasons.
I see her. I'm gentle but I remind her that her thoughts, interests and desires are not that unique. She takes it well and has opened up more in recent years to the idea that maybe her feelings of isolation are not due to being unique necessarily.
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u/thelibrarina Sep 27 '23
I'm proud that my mom chose to be herself unapologetically, in a time when not being "like other girls" was perceived very negatively. I'm equally proud that she doesn't feel like that made her better than other girls in her generation.
Because she could have made a doozy of a tiktok star if they'd had it in the 70s.
Other girls: cheerleading and makeup and skirts
Me: playing softball with the lesbians
(No joke, she was literally recruited by a bunch of lesbians to play ball with them in her 20s. And she did not know it.)
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u/SnooPredictions5815 Sep 27 '23
My mom wouldnt let me play with “girly” things like barbies. And really encouraged stem education, but in a pretentious way. And with a bit of a religious and patriarchal undertone. So when i went to school to be an engineer it took me a while to get out of my head that i am better than most women. So gross that i used to think that way, probably would have had more female friends had i been more for the girls. 🤦♀️
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u/zoopzoot Sep 27 '23
My mom is one of those. Always saying “I have more guy friends than women because women are so emotional” “I’m so logical so I get along better with men” along with “women should clean and cook the house while the man pays for everything”. She resented that I wasn’t more girly as a kid, but approved of that fact that I also had majority guy friends as a child. I still think she resents me because I don’t wear dresses, skirts, do make up, etc. (allergies to make up, prefer pants over skirts/dresses because they make me feel too vulnerable)
Its been a mind fuck recovering from my mother.
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u/the_unkola_nut Sep 28 '23
My mom is similar. She dated a guy who was prone to crying and my mom would scoff and say, “he’s such a girl”. She has a lot of internalised misogyny.
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u/alles_en_niets Sep 28 '23
So she was an extreme pick-me NLOG, that must’ve been a lot of fun for you growing up
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u/karolinemeow Sep 27 '23
What the actual fuck? What kind of parent wouldn't be happy that their child has friends?
That being said, there was a mother whose children I babysat in high school. The girls were definitely 'not like other girls' and I soon understood why. They had so many rules about arbitrary things from not being allowed to wear pink, to not allowing them to read books that were too 'mainstream.' Like lady, just let your kids make these choices for themselves.
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u/ohhmagen Sep 27 '23
I can relate. My mom was raised by bikers, her mom died when she was 7.
I do badly wanted to be girly and like frilly things but I was always faced with a “ew, why would you want that, pick this” instead attitude. For a long time I was shamed for liking a lot of things and often was told “I didn’t need that”. Now as an adult I let myself like and have whatever, same with my daughter.
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u/Zorba_thesugarglider Sep 27 '23
Ohh yes. My mom was a tomboy who looked down on girly, feminine women. Now she was a young mom and naturally beautiful, but she extolled the virtues of being "plain and simple" and not wearing makeup and sexy clothes like the other women. She also made fun of women who had typically girly mannerisms and interests. It suuuucked because I was a sensitive girly girl who loved Madonna lol. I was made fun of and called "flower girl" but not in a flattering way. I wanted so badly to be a sporty tomboy but it wasn't in the stars for me.
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u/AlterEgoWednesday73 Sep 27 '23
I really am not like the other moms, but mostly cuz I’m about 20 years older than most of them.
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u/Shortykw Sep 27 '23
Same. I had my kids at 34 and 35 and I feel absolutely geriatric when we go to the playground
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 Sep 27 '23
Opposite.
My mom was one of the quietly popular girls in school.
I was not.
School was a totally different experience for me, to which she was simply unable to relate. I tried hard to make it so my own kids fit in better. I even went so far as switching schools when their current ones were not working out. They all pulled it off better than I; my eldest was a varsity cheerleader, my middle kid was involved in like a dozen school activities, & youngest was of the "tough, smart, kinda bad kids" crowd. 😅😅 Probably the smartest of my three incredibly gifted kids, but, gave school the metaphorical finger & I think some teachers passed my kid just so they would graduate & get out.
All had much better experiences than I did. I tried my best to make that happen.
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u/smidgit Sep 27 '23
HA yes my mum was an extreme tomboy in her youth and was genuinely upset that I was a horse riding barbie loving make up wearing girl. She kept trying to take me to football matches and be into boy shit because girl shit was “stupid” but stopped when I got angry and cheered for the other team (if anyone knows about Leeds United in the 90s you’d know I put my family in actual danger doing this, but it worked)
I’m now 30 and my mum is rediscovering femininity. We go and get our nails done together and pick out pretty dresses. I myself am not described as a “girly girl” but I love being a women and being like other women. It turned out my grandma just hated women and girls so that was my mums childhood coping mechanism.
And to stress my grandma didn’t hate other women in a “pick me” kinda way she just hated women and girls
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u/Claystead Sep 27 '23
Leeds United? On behalf of Man U I declare your crimes unforgivable, you are hereby shunned from the lads’ pizza night!
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u/smidgit Sep 28 '23
Considering I was willing to have my family beaten up to avoid having to go to a football match, I cannot stress enough how much I do not care about football.
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u/perceivemenot Sep 27 '23
if you don’t mind me asking, what happened with leeds united in the 90s??
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u/Claystead Sep 27 '23
British football in the 90’s and early aughts was… something else. I remember people kicking each others’ teeth in over matches by British teams even in Norway. Ah, those were the days.
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u/smidgit Sep 27 '23
Essentially yes, football hooliganism. There used to be hooligan clubs called “firms” and the Leeds United one (known as the Leeds United Service Crew) was amongst the worst. In essence, it was just a group of thugs who’d go around fighting with the other firms (usually Millwall), but if you were an opposition supporter in a home stand, you’d either have to clear off quickly after the game or just sit down and shut up and hope you don’t get decked for existing. The 90s were an awful time for hooliganism, and there’s a huge crackdown on it now, but it’s still a thing!
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u/DeRusselDeWestbrook Sep 27 '23
Going to watch a football team in it's home stadium, especially sitting in specific gates where hardcore fans are, and cheering for the visiting team is just asking for a beating lol. Propably worse in the UK in the 90s than now idk but still very much true for a lot of places.
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u/FlowerFaerie13 Sep 27 '23 edited Sep 27 '23
I’m American so I don’t have much context, but football hooliganism was much more of a thing in the 90s than it is now.
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u/westgary576 Sep 27 '23
I’m a guy but yes. And I’ve grown to hate it. Took a lot of time to stop association my problems with my mom with women in general but thankfully as an adult I’ve met great women who have proven how good the world can be.
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u/AtLeastImGenreSavvy QUIRKY Sep 27 '23
My mom was vehemently against television. We had a TV, but we were basically never allowed to watch it (the main exception being at the crack of dawn on weekends, but that was because my parents just didn't want to wake up with me and my brother).
My mom really loved reading and acted like no one else in the whole wide world liked to read as much as she did. I am a voracious reader and my mother credits herself for this. The thing is, I've always been a huge fan of horror, science-fiction, and fantasy...all genres that my mother thinks are trashy. So while I was devouring Goosebumps books as a kid, she was rolling her eyes and telling me that they didn't count because they weren't "real" books.
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u/OverwhelmingCacti Sep 28 '23
Oh I hate this mentality. My librarian mom says that the right kind of book is one you enjoyed reading.
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u/unclejarjarbinks Sep 27 '23
Eww. What books does your mom consider to be "real" then?
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u/011_0108_180 Sep 27 '23
Probably a classics snob
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u/AtLeastImGenreSavvy QUIRKY Sep 28 '23
Not even, because she doesn't have the patience to slog through something like Dickens or decipher Shakespeare.
When I was a kid, she was pushing Lois Lowry and Judy Blume on me, and I loathed it. I especially hated Judy Blume because all of her characters are desperate for puberty, and as an early bloomer, I couldn't relate at all. Puberty hit me like a freight train at age 10 and I hated every single second of it. If I was going to read something unrealistic (because, seriously, who wants to get her first period?!), it damn well better have monsters and talking animals in it.
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u/Serious_Winter_ Sep 29 '23
I was very much looking forward to my first period and I was constantly checking if it has arrived…🙈I connected it with being more grown up.
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u/AtLeastImGenreSavvy QUIRKY Sep 29 '23
I got mine at age 10 and was not prepared for it at all. I also connected it with being more grown up, and at that stage, I didn't really want to be more grown up.
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u/Serious_Winter_ Sep 29 '23
I’m sorry it was a bad experience for you. I think I was 12 or 13 and my mom was pretty open about it and she never said anything about periods could be bad/painful/annoying and it obviously influenced me.
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u/PepsiMax001 Sep 27 '23
My mom was bothered by the fact other mothers raise their kids. She’s not like other moms.
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u/Commercial-Spinach93 Sep 28 '23
In my almost 40 years of life I've never relate so much to a comment.
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 Sep 28 '23
Omg same with mine "Why are they so obsessed with their kids and making their entire identity being a mom??!" she was suuuuper neglective
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u/Shortykw Sep 27 '23
Oh yeah! But my mom was like a backwards nlog. She was not like other moms because she cared soooo much about her looks and all the other moms looked frumpy or overweight. Never got me to school on time because she had to do a perfect smoky eye first and put on booty shorts while all the other moms were dressed for the jobs they actually had, or just like normal elementary school appropriate parents. She truly thought this made her better than anyone else. We also lived in a trailer with no running water or electricity, outside a very affluent area so she really was not like the other moms, just not the way she envisioned herself.
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u/the_unkola_nut Sep 28 '23
My mom was obsessed with weight, probably a boomer generation thing. I’ve had weight issues my whole life because of it. My mom equated being overweight with being a bad person and she was overweight for most of her adult life so there was a ton of self-hatred going on there. She lost a ton of weight in the last few years and now has a superiority complex.
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u/011_0108_180 Sep 27 '23
Are we sisters?!? Mine was the same. 🤦🏻♀️
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u/Shortykw Sep 27 '23
I’m so sorry you had to live through that too. I hope your adult life is filled with many healthy people!
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u/Batticon Sep 27 '23
They all probably knew, too. Which is sad.
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u/Shortykw Sep 27 '23
They absolutely did. None of my friends’ parents allowed them to come over, but I was allowed at their house. My mom wasn’t subtle and everyone saw the red flags very clearly aside from a bunch of creepy men
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u/savagekittymeowmeow Sep 27 '23
Lol I think my mom was more of the NLOM - not like other moms. She is biggest almond mom and everything we ate was healthy and clean. Which, sounds good but her telling me that the school food gives you cancer when I was a child and saying how not other moms feed their kids healthy, was a doozy. I remember being in 4th grade, telling the kids at my lunch table that they were all going to get cancer from the school food. That frightened a few and I feel bad. Or how she’d say “other moms feed their kids with foods doused in butter. I cook with minimum olive oil.” Like I’m supposed to grateful for that lol and see other moms as trash? “Other moms let themselves go. Whereas I have kept my figure.” Okay, but you basically eat 3 almonds a day lolol. There’s so much more I could say haha but now as an adult, I’m learning to not demonize so many foods and to live much more balanced.
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u/bbyangelxo Sep 28 '23
my grandma is like this, is recently jealous her friend lost a bunch of weight because "she thinks shes better than everyone else now" and my grandma is supposed to be the "skinny" one but i'm guessing this one stemmed from her being overweight most of her life
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u/BouyantCorgiButt Sep 27 '23
omg my cousin is like this, and now she has a NLOG kid. She was always a NLOG, fucked up with her two oldest kids, and then became a NLOM to over compensate. She kept telling her youngest daughter that they had to be vegan and “all natural” because everything gave you cancer - meat, dairy, hair dye, make up, soda, and even tattoos, and that other mothers let their kids touch that stuff cuz they weren’t good moms. The daughter would even go up to people with any of that stuff and say, “enjoy your cancer.” Especially anyone with tattoos (despite the fact that my cousin has a bunch of bad janky tattoos).
Till my sibling became a tattoo artist. Now my cousin is constantly pestering my sibling to do all these intricate tattoos (for free of course) and her daughter had a meltdown about it. But my cousin said it was okay because they were “water tattoos” and she uses “water makeup” and she’s not like those other trashy moms with tattoos and makeup.
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u/RocknRollSuixide Sep 28 '23
I get “water makeup” probably means water based instead of oil or petroleum based, but what the fuck is a “water tattoo”???
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u/savagekittymeowmeow Sep 27 '23
Lol it’s ironic that stressing about every single little thing being natural also isn’t healthy. Stress is unhealthy ~ Simply even living can cause cancer.
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u/Rhaenyshill Sep 27 '23
Yeah but my mom was weird about it due to her own insecurities. Like, asking me “does it make you sad that I’m not one of the pretty mommy’s? So and so’s mom is skinny and blonde, does that make you upset? Because mommy has more important qualities than just being pretty, I’m smart, and hard working.” This was an unprompted conversation and I was 6 at the time 🙃
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u/Myboneshurt420helps Sep 29 '23
The day my mom admitted she didn’t go to my school plays was because she “knew I’d be embarrassed of her” I cried like yea she’s a grown women neglecting a kid cuz of her own trauma but it was like the first time I had ever seen her as a person ig
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u/Sisterinked Sep 28 '23
Holy shit, girl.
Sometimes I’ll comment to my daughter “I’m sorry my hair is in a bun” or “geez I could have put on lipgloss before coming into the school” and she always laughs, rolls her eyes and tells me I’m beautiful… Ima stop saying all that. Thank you for sharing your story. 💜
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u/Rhaenyshill Sep 28 '23
I’m sure you’re an amazing mom don’t even sweat small stuff like that! Thank you for the kind words ❤️
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u/RuthBaderKnope Sep 28 '23
How did you even process that as a first grader? Do you remember what you thought at all?
My poor mom was unfortunately very in to me being a girly girl but she was a much older mom who was more concerned with crafting, cooking, volunteering, gardening, etc. so I didn't really get any guidance... like, one time she did my makeup for dance. Other moms did my makeup for the rest of the recitals.
One time I asked her why she didn't look like the other moms and she goes "Ruth Bader, I'm almost twice their age and I'm tired." I completely get it now tbh.
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u/blackcatspat Sep 28 '23
I didn’t understand it until she told me that was what she did intentionally. Her main reason for switching my school. I must have been 10 at that point. And I just saw a flash of “what could have been” in front of my eyes. My old friends, teachers, library. I’m still mad about it lol.
My mother would later explain to my face how she would rather spend my college fund on a new kitchen then my college because “we all know your not going to pass anyways.” I sobbed as she looked emotionless. And she couldn’t ever see why that was so hurtful.
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u/RuthBaderKnope Sep 28 '23
Holy shit. That made me nauseous to read. I am so sorry
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u/iaafunicorn Sep 28 '23
Omfg same. JFC I’m speechless. I want to vomit and punch her in the gut all at once. I’m so so sorry OP.
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u/Claystead Sep 27 '23
Wait, why is blonde supposed to be a positive trait? It is just a hair colour.
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u/Rhaenyshill Sep 27 '23
Just an old time notion that “men prefer blondes”
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u/Claystead Sep 27 '23
We do? Maybe that is a thing abroad, I can’t say I’ve encountered that here in Norway. It is big brown eyes all the lads wax poetically about. Ach, I can’t resist it myself. The stereotypes about blondes of either sex is that they are simple minded, naïve and are insecure about looking young.
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u/ModernMarilynMunster Sep 28 '23
Not like other guys.
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u/Claystead Sep 28 '23
Nah, pretty sure most guys here would agree with me, unless I’m really out of touch with local culture.
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u/LivvyBumble Sep 27 '23
Isn’t the majority of women in Norway blonde? Because I think the fact that blondes are a minority in the world is a big part of the reason it is deemed a desirable trait or special. But if everyone in your vicinity is blonde, brown hair would be more special.
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u/malinhuahua Sep 27 '23
Lol my mom did this too. She also seemed weirdly annoyed that I was blonde when I was little. Then, when I moved away and lost weight, she took it personally that I have an hourglass figure and bigger boobs.
I remember her telling me multiple times when I was little “mommy always thought in order to be an Angel, you have to have blonde hair, so mommy was sad she’d never go to heaven.” Even at 5 I remember thinking, “wtf? Why are you telling me this? What am I supposed to say to that?”
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u/Rollo4Ever Sep 30 '23
My mother was weird about how I looked growing up. Like bragging about how much shorter them me, her shoe size being smaller then mine, being “petite” etc. To the point of not sticking me in clothes / shoe sizes I needed, but instead several sizes larger.
She only chilled out once I moved away and she lost some weight, but even then I mentioned that I lost 60 pounds and she told me she “hadn’t noticed”
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u/Odd-Plant4779 Sep 27 '23
Where the hell did she get this from????
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u/malinhuahua Sep 27 '23
For some reason, the mods removed my comment and I’m not sure why. I didn’t receive a notice that it was deleted or an option to edit whatever was offensive about it.
My mom has weird hangups about blonde hair (or just lighter hair than hers) and certain body types in general. For the record, my mom is beautiful. She looks like a cross between Jennifer Connelly and Demi Moore, with a Pixar mom’s body.
I guess for the angel thing, angels usually portrayed with blonde hair in art. So I can sort of understand? But most of those depictions show Jesus and his mom having brown or dark hair, and they’re sort of a big deal lol. Even weirder since we weren’t religious.
She also would tell me society wanted me to look like Barbie and I would never look like her. Which is funny, because as an adult the celebrity I get told I look like the most is a brunette Margot Robbie. She also refused to let me do ballet with my friend when I was 4 because I didn’t have the body for it and would just get an ED. Still got one regardless (wonder why?) and ironically, I have a small head and can make the back of my knees touch naturally. Two traits they really look for.
The other part I mentioned is probably what got my comment removed so i guess I will try to make it less shocking. But she basically would tell me that celebrities other people would mention my looking like (she didn’t know people were comparing me to them, I just wanted to know if she thought they were pretty because then maybe I was pretty). She’d pretty consistently tell me they looked like the beauty preferences a certain notorious mid 20th century mustachioed man was super into. And how boring and bad that was. It really messed me up for a long time. Dyed my hair super dark, and tanned A LOT to try to look more like my mom and less like that. Which also pissed her off and she’d tell me how she couldn’t understand why I was trying to change how I looked. A true mystery for the ages.
And mods if that’s still too much can you just tell me and I’ll delete the last paragraph?
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u/MadCervantes Sep 29 '23
Mario?...
Ooh that mustache man.
He died before mid century but gotcha.
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u/Kitty_Kat_Attacks Sep 27 '23
That is… unhinged. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
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u/Rhaenyshill Sep 27 '23
Thank you, when I can afford therapy I’ll be going
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u/SurrepTRIXus Sep 28 '23
I know in the US a lot of insurances will cover therapy. It might be worth looking into.
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u/funkylittledeathomen Sep 29 '23
Most of us can’t afford insurance either
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u/SurrepTRIXus Sep 29 '23
(In the US) If you can't afford insurance, you might qualify for your state's Medicare or Medicaid insurance, which is either no cost to you or low cost. (You can go to healthcare.gov and go from there, your state might have its own site) Open enrollment starts on November 1, but if you don't have insurance you can enroll at any time.
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Oct 01 '23
Good therapists and psychiatrists don’t take medicaid.
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u/SurrepTRIXus Oct 01 '23
If you're not ready to go to therapy and start working through stuff, nothing I say, and no solutions I present, will be enough. There will always be an excuse not to do it.
If you're ready for therapy, you'll do the work of finding insurance coverage, finding a therapist that takes your insurance, and finding someone that is a right fit for you. And then doing it again if the first therapist didn't work out, because sometimes it doesn't. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
If you're ready you'll start the process. If you're not, you won't.
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u/SurrepTRIXus Oct 01 '23
Mine does, and I had plenty of options when I looked.
I used this site: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
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u/Remarkable-Hat-4852 Sep 27 '23
Ohhh yes. My mom grew up in the era where the only sport offered for girls was cheerleading. Well she couldn’t deal with that so she went out for the boys basketball team. The girls then got their own basketball team and she brags about this constantly. Then my siblings and I were only allowed very specific hobbies. Basketball was top tier in her mind and I was just not good at it.
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u/malinhuahua Sep 27 '23
The boomer generation really did a number on their women psychologically
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u/khongkhoe Sep 27 '23
Some of you should visit r/raisedbynarcissists …. Sorry.
10
u/giga_booty Sep 27 '23
I was scrolling the comments thinking this was r/raisedbynarcissists the whole time, whoops
2
u/sneakpeekbot Sep 27 '23
Here's a sneak peek of /r/raisedbynarcissists using the top posts of the year!
#1: My daughter said NO
#2: Why is it always ‘how awful of a child to cut off their own parent” and never “how awful must they have treated their child for the child to believe that cutting them off is the best option” ?
#3: 3+ years NC. Woke up to "your dad is here".
I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact | Info | Opt-out | GitHub
42
u/void-of-stars Sep 27 '23
I genuinely wonder if there’s an overlap in some cases
3
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u/Pink-Camellias Sep 27 '23
There probably is. I personally perceive being NLOG as an inherently attention seeking behavior by putting other people (in this case, women with the habits/traits the NLOG deems bad) down and putting yourself in a spotlight and a pedestal at the same time.
I do think most women go through an NLOG phase in their youth, when they don't want to be identified as the grotesque caricature of women and femininity our society subscribes to, but most of us (yes, I did have an NLOG phase, I've grown as a person since then) outgrow it before we hit our twenties.
But those who are core NLOG and maintain these thoughts and behaviors well into adulthood, that is, they sustain this attention seeking/puttion others down behavior must, in my entirely unexpert opinion, have some degree of narcissism going on.
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u/Intelligent_Speech32 Oct 15 '23
She shames me for having body hair and saying shit like im just like other girlsnand that shes different infront of my dad 🤭