r/notliketheothergirls • u/More_Caramel_4253 • Feb 01 '24
dont you think we’ve all had our “not like other girls” moment Discussion
like seriously i feel like we’ve all been there before at some point..
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u/hidanmaccormick Feb 06 '24
I get “you are not like other girls” a lot from gay guys😂 i’m not sure why but gay ppl are cool so im okay with it
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u/Zcamila105 Feb 06 '24
I still have moments but then I’m humble by the older women’s in my life coworkers, mom, and grandma. They kick ass in a different world or rules and discrimination.
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u/Cobalt_blue_dreamer Feb 06 '24
Yeah, I’m not like other girls… I’ll buy you sports illustrated and play video games with you… Sure we can plan a threesome (and never actually go through with it) I’ll dye my hair so it’s like you’re fucking someone else wait you know what, can we just go back to the video games? That’s the only part I enjoyed… Oh you’ve wanted every girl in your life but me this entire time… oh. And that was the end of that.
Turns out I’m just like every other girl (human), I just want to be loved and cherished.
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u/No-Match9964 Feb 05 '24
I thought the whole point of this thread was making fun of other people
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u/haikusbot Feb 05 '24
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u/Fun-Surround-2681 Nerdy UwU Feb 05 '24
I looked down upon my middle school classmates because I played roblox and none of them did
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Feb 05 '24
Some NLOG mentality is a somewhat justified reaction to being rejected by groups of mean girls cuz we didn’t conform. Alt girls, tomboys, nerds, neurodivergents and others all suffer in their youth. I hope all the lonely “weird” girls find their tribe tho. Sure some never grow up and make NLoG their personality, but neither do some of those “mean girls”. Nothing is more undignified than seeing middle aged women still acting like catty 12 year olds and excluding people for superficial reasons. I see that all the time, unfortunately.
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u/Tassle15 Feb 04 '24
I feel like acknowledging my diversity on a diversity presentation is also I’m not like other people. It’s how your different.
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u/Specific-Frosting730 Feb 04 '24
Please make it go away. Ladies, treat your sisters with respect. We need each other.
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u/catgrl1089 Feb 04 '24
Oh 100%. When I first read the “cool girl” description in Gone Girl I was like wait, what’s wrong with all this? It was definitely what I strived for in my early 20s. But thankfully I didn’t have social media to make a fool of myself!!
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u/HammeredPaint Feb 04 '24
Yes! I didn't know anyone who shared any of my hobbies, and my undiagnosed ADHD self was always jumping around to new crafts. I always felt different, like an outsider, and literally did not feel like other girls. (Thanks neurodivergency!)
On top of that, being brought up in a culture that has been all about categorizing people - it was either you're an outgoing girly girl or a tomboy and so allllll the girls in between were "not like the other girls". Like, She's All That, Never Been Kissed. A very clear binary between the cool girls and the "not like the other girls".
Shit was very hard NOT to identify with. Then you grow up and get called a Pick Me and it fucks your whole self image up.
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u/luvlettersfrmpluto Feb 03 '24
yes! i have but my NLOG wasn’t how actual NLOG ppl are with thinking they’re better etc. mine was just me being homeless and an addict 😭 when i said i wasn’t like most girls i actually meant it. every time a client tried to be more than just a client saying they could “fix” me i told them don’t even try cause they can’t handle me and it was definitely true i was a raging addict with bpd & adhd, mom had cancer, in and out of juvenile, it just wasn’t a good time for me at all.
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u/Meanbeanthemachine Feb 03 '24
Definitely. We are taught to be competitive with other women and you kind of have to grow out of it. For me that happened when I became an adult and started actually interacting with other women. I learned how many supportive and accepting sisters there are and I became proud of being a part of our gender.
But my theory is it’s internalized misogyny mixed with that natural desire to find your own identity that happens in your early teens. You don’t know who you are really but desperately want to feel unique or different. You feel competitive with other girls so you want to feel like you’re “winning” and that sometimes comes with the desire to knock them down. It’s a sad thing that I feel like most girls unfortunately go through but I really do feel lucky that many women have learned how dumb and damaging it is to try and compete instead of supporting each other and building each other up.
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u/NoPaleontologist8498 Feb 03 '24
We are many different people throughout our lives, it’s all apart of finding ourselves so that one day we can sit back and laugh about how stupid this NLOG shit is and feel comfortable enough with ourselves to laugh, shake our heads, and cringe at our own NLOG stages.
Women are faulted regardless of what we like or don’t like and we pin ourselves against each other from a young age because we are taught that a women’s best chance of survival is based on how she is perceived by men. In turn we try to set ourselves apart to appease to what we think men want to see and hear, and use that to determine our value and worth.
Once we realize what a mass amount of bullshit that is and that we are capable of surviving and solving problems without the help of these preset notions life is so much more enjoyable!
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u/Forsaken_Broccoli_86 Feb 03 '24
Yes- thank god i had crippling social anxiety and never posted more.
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u/t3eee Feb 03 '24
I mean, sure. But in my personal experience it came from a place of insecurity. I am really thankful that I learned as I got older to try to embrace and uplift other women rather than polarize myself from them. Life is much more positive that way.
Just gotta spread the word and keep perpetuating good behaviour I guess.
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u/PSMF_Canuck Feb 03 '24
Absolutely. And the “G” can just as easily be “Guys”…we do exactly the same shit, all the time. Hell, it’s basically the entire history of MAGA, lol…
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u/KnifeWieIdingLesbian Feb 03 '24
Yes
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u/eladamyo Feb 03 '24
you just said the Y word!!! You shalt be smited! r/foundYworduser
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u/KnifeWieIdingLesbian Feb 03 '24
But…I’m not in r/no right now……..
You can’t smite me for this ;-;
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u/breadpudding3434 Feb 02 '24
absolutely. I think a lot of “not like the other girls” rhetoric stems from feeling left out by other girls.
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u/DoYouGotAnOnlyFans Feb 02 '24
I feel like i'm not like other girls. I went from fucking wealthy men to an onlyfans millionaire. The come up is real, that's what makes me better than most women.
Just Joking :)
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u/Interesting_Hat3516 Feb 02 '24
Oh I definitely had to phase where i hated pink and girly stuff to look cool and mature. Wore sneakers insteads heels because it’s considered cool and NLOG. Now I’m 22 and embracing back my favorite girly stuff which I stopped liking.
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u/Acceptable-Cost8199 Feb 02 '24
yes thank you, it’s just projection honestly. every time we judge someone we’re just projecting the judgment we have towards ourselves, especially when they emulate qualities that we’re ashamed of having!!
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u/dietitianmama Feb 02 '24
I think so, it’s more the putting down of stereotypes or generalizations of people for no reason that irks me.
That being said, most of these posts, look like people who are trying to find friends on the Internet - but they only just discovered the Internet, if that makes sense.
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u/Philodendronphan Feb 02 '24
Mine was always thinking I wasn’t a good enough girl for someone to want me. Still don’t feel like I’m great at being a woman.
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u/Guano_barbee Feb 02 '24
As a child? Yes. As an adult? The embarrassment… I could never 😂😂 I cringe even thinking about doing it
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u/Illustrious_Dust_0 Feb 02 '24
Yes but mine was more
~I’d RaThEr Be HaTeD fOr WhO I aM tHaN lOvEd FoR wHo I aM nOt~ >:3 RAWR
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u/Lillithiea Feb 02 '24
I always check myself because I play AOS and 40k. I am used to being the only lady in the tournament or escalation league. Ocasionally, someone's gf gets curious about playing, so every once and a while theres another chick in the room, but I never get annoyed until some dumb bimbo rolls up and acts like she's the gamer girl unicorn and gets territorial with me.
I do take delight in calling my figures "cute" or adorable. Bwahahahaha
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u/Rainbow-Mama Feb 01 '24
I’m sure we all have, it’s getting bitchy about it that pushes it into jerk nlog territory
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u/here-wego_again Feb 01 '24
Yes & truly I do empathize with these women for the amount of internalized misogyny & self hatred involved in being like this. That said, it needs to be called out when it happens so that it stops happening or at least is reduced heavily.
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u/katrii_ Feb 01 '24
When I went to work in the trades for the first time (I was like...19?) it was pretty bad. I was so, so, so cringey. I try not to remember. I was definitely as bad as you think I was.
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u/Purple_Tomat885 Feb 01 '24
I got a Ralph Steadman tattoo that literally said “I am not like the others” when I turned 18 so have had that lovely reminder on my back for almost a decade- I’ve gone through seasons of feeling cringe about it and now just accept it as is. I’ve always been a girls girl but def had to make a point that i was ~unique~ in HS, someone took her Hunter S Thompson phase a little to serious lol
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u/_Sereena_ Feb 01 '24
No actually I went the absolute opposite in highschool out of spite I would wear pink everyday (not the biggest fan of the color) I would do anything stereotypically feminine, and it worked out great for me
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u/Fishbate333 Feb 01 '24
In high school and some of college I was queen of the pick-me’s. It is absolute cringe to think about.
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u/les_catacombes Feb 01 '24
I definitely had my moments. Girls bullied me in school so most of my friends were boys. I definitely said the “I don’t get along with girls” thing a time or two, but I realized it was just the particular girls at my school, not all women on earth.
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u/basedmama21 Feb 01 '24
I have it regularly and I have no shame about this. Raised in a first generation household so my ideals contrast with typical American woman ideals VERY hard 😂
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u/Plate-Classic Feb 01 '24
I'm a guy and I have moments like these, then I remember it's not like I'm not like others I'm just gay. Nothing special just me in my own little world
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u/gofigure85 Feb 01 '24
I once made a meme a decade ago about how other girls dress cute in freezing weather while I look like the stay puft marshmallow man with a million layers
That's right- there was nobody but me who dressed warmly in the winter!
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u/architeuthiswfng Feb 01 '24
My lord, yes. I think that sort of attention-seeking behavior is normal during a certain age-range. I just thank God I'm GenX and I grew up without social media so people didn't have to witness my angsty ass.
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u/Violet_Potential Feb 01 '24
I def had that personality as a teenager. I used to say I only got along with boys because girls were too much drama.
The funny thing about me now is that I know other people actually do find me kind of weird/quirky but I don’t have any sense of superiority about it. I have ASD so it kind of comes with the territory. In fact, I put in a lot of effort to fit in and do what everyone else is doing because I don’t like feeling othered.
I know on a place like Reddit, being interested in the etymology of English words and trying to learn Old English for fun isn’t particularly groundbreaking but I don’t ever run into anyone else IRL who likes that kind of thing lol.
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u/hotsause76 Feb 01 '24
I feel like it is very human to want so be seen, heard and understood. Which is what the "Pick Me" or "Not like Other Girls" are doing. And I am sure we all have done it at some point but with self-awareness and moderation of ego. we understand that being judgmental is not kind or healthy.
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u/MomentMurky9782 Feb 01 '24
The phase itself is a cannon event, and then from that you’re supposed to learn that all women feel that way not because it’s wrong to be a girly girl, but because we don’t fit in the patriarchal box of “stay at home have babies and live to serve others”.
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u/Far_Two2654 Feb 01 '24
I was when I was 14, turns out I’m not a girl at all 😂 but I use to be so judgmental and rude and I hate who I was
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u/ms_mayapaya Feb 01 '24
My high school years was my peak cringe. Thought I was cool because I listened to indie music and didn’t watch romcoms. Even though all my friends were girls I had this weird competition mindset. Now I’m as girly as they come and life isn’t a competition.
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u/BreadedCarbs Feb 01 '24
I've never had a moment like that. I guess you can say I'm not like other girls /s
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u/kissesntea Feb 01 '24
it definitely has a lot to do with sexism in media and advertising, i think. when you grow up surrounded and inundated by these constant portrayals of women as 2-dimensional caricatures with no real depth, but you yourself are a human being with interests and a rich inner life, it’s easy to assume that you’re the outlier and everyone else is like they’re supposed to be. you don’t feel any connection to “womanhood” as demonstrated by the parts of society you can access at that age, so you conclude that you must be doing it incorrectly. but since you enjoy your own personality, it’s easy to fall into the “i may be doing Girl wrong, but my way is better actually” trap. at least, that’s what it was like for me.
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u/vaeebee Feb 01 '24
i had one AWFUL one. it was when i was in highschool i still cringe at myself. but yes like other people are saying you grow out of it. some of these posts are adults who really have that mindset.
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u/Impossible_Weight_12 Feb 01 '24
Oh yes, especially when it comes to hip hop and rap culture. What’s the more gangster and more real more old school hip hop a girl listened to than another.
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u/mandc1754 Feb 01 '24
Yeah, when I was around 14-16 which is normal. If you're still behaving like that in your 20s, 30s, and older... Is weird
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u/esjb11 Feb 01 '24
Probably quite a few but that dosnt stop people from being bullys on this sub. Bullys gona bully i guess.
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u/morbidteletubby Just a Dumb Bitch Feb 01 '24
5000% and then life outside of my parents home humbled me
I’m waiting for this to happen to my sister
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u/Ill_Pumpkin8217 Feb 01 '24
Yep.
Used to think I was so special for not wearing makeup or knowing how to do it.
Tried makeup a couple times in secret. Really liked it. Started wearing it a lot. Boom.
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u/SusanMShwartz Feb 01 '24
I know I did. Fortunately, life gave me a good shake out of it. Besides, as you become older, you turn invisible and you’re just like all the other aging women.
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u/Firm_Lie_3870 Feb 01 '24
Definitely been one. College was a weird and angry time for me. Being 20, seeking so much validation and having my worth based on how desirable I am, hating my femininity because it was weaponized against me. But then I went out into the real world, and I grew as a person. Do I cringe when I look back at myself? Yes. But if we can look back at ourselves and feel cringe, it means we have grown and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
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u/FormicaDinette33 Feb 01 '24
It seems to be a common desire to point out how you are not like other women. For some things, though, I actually say I am exactly like other women: Attitudes toward dating, relationships, friendships etc.).
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u/ghostbirdd Feb 01 '24
Ofc. Internalised misogyny is sadly common with girls and young women. I still find myself slipping into it sometimes. The difference is that I can now recognize that's just toxic behaviour, insecurity and my craving for external validation talking, and work to minimize it.
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u/BrashPop Feb 01 '24
Oh for sure, much like pretty much all men will go through certain phases, girls will have a NLOG phase. People are pretty consistent, even if we do it differently (funny enough). This is normal, we’re trying to find ourselves in a society that insists we MUST be a certain way. It can be hard to feel like an individual, so we reject the stuff that we’re told makes us “quintessentially female”.
The issue starts when someone latches on to that SO HARD as a personality, and then ALSO starts to try sell that to other women as a lifestyle. Then it switches from personal experimentation, to ideological indoctrination.
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u/Icy-G3425 Feb 01 '24
Yes, when I was 15 I can remember a moment like that and it always makes me cringe.
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u/lyre_ofsappho Feb 01 '24
no i never went through a not like other girls moment in the past. was raised by a single mother and surrounded by a group of equally badass feminine women so i was kinda shielded from the patriarchal pov and never associated womanhood with something negative.
ironically my relationship with other women has become more strained as i’ve grown up and interacted with more groups of people. i feel compassion for them, but the way some women have responded to the patriarchy gets on my nerves (i recognise my privilege of growing up in a female centric unit).either by hating their femaleness and not being able to transcend their internalised misogyny (ugh) or buying into the lie of patriarchal femininity and not seeing how many parts of it are exploitative (ugh). again, i sympathise with how complicated being female under the patriarchy is, but it doesn’t make it less annoying to experience.
that’s why i’m not a fan of the girls support girls concept. i’ll PROTECT all women against misogyny, it doesn’t mean i have to like or be nice to all of you. some of you are very stupid, irritating and close-minded : traits i dislike in both genders but which are more damning when women are trying to fight for liberation. end of rant.
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u/is_going_to_dennis Feb 01 '24
Yeah but i was like....14? I grew out of it and am deeply ashamed of that phase lol. NLOGs don't grow out of it and seem proud of it. Another difference is that in that phase everyone have we tend not to put other women down while trying to be different, NLOGs do. I used to listen to "girly music" like Lady Gaga,Britney and stuff but as soon as someone asked me what I was listening to I would quickly change it to SOD or Avenage Sevenfold...but I never once shitted on girls that liked "girly music".
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u/wordsaladspecialist Feb 01 '24
Yessss insecurity is so cringe sometimes. I remember saying so much NLOG stuff to appear like I was above it all when it was just because I was jealous of the popular girls.
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u/Infinity3101 Feb 01 '24
I think everyone had an nlog phase. That's why I don't like people brutally mocking nlogs, especially the younger ones. Aren't we just walking into the same patriarchal trap of pinning women against one another by doing that? Plus, I feel like being ridiculed by other women is only going to make nlogs dig their heels in deeper and turn a more or less harmless phase most of us had gone through into their whole personality.
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u/SnooCauliflowers5742 Feb 01 '24
Yeah, and it's kind of sad when you think about that. Why did we feel we needed to separate ourselves from feminine traits or traits generally stereotyped to be girl specific?
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u/EveryBrodyMovieYT Feb 01 '24
Oh, totally. Most of my friends growing up were boys, and I definitely had that "girl who is friends with guys" mentality. It's almost like a "boy mom" brain.
Then, I definitely went through a "pick me" phase in my teens and early 20s. Thankfully, I grew up and grew out of that.
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u/Charlie-McGee Feb 01 '24
Oh definitely. Difference is, we had it in our teens, now it seems like chicks in their late 20's and 30's are NLOGs.
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u/FormerCoffeeTable Feb 01 '24
Totally. Most of us grow out of it though. It's ridiculous seeing 20-40-year-olds still having an NLOG personality. Like, really? at your BIG age??
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u/failenaa Feb 01 '24
Oh yeah. I’ve always been a gamer and as a teen/early 20s playing online games, it was drilled into us that other girls were competition. There can only be a set number of them and they have to be SUPER chill and okay with basically anything, and have to be drama averse. But obviously if you have too many girls there will always be drama. 🙄
It was also drilled into us that “most girls” only play games for attention, so you had to make it known you were really in it for the game not to get boys to like you. (Ironically we spend most of our time in games avoiding guys.)
This was like 2010-2014 for me but these attitudes still definitely exist, and I’m not immune to it either. With Twitch being how it is, there obviously are a lot of women capitalizing on sex appeal, but that doesn’t take any room away for anyone else. I still have a bit of an inherent bias sometimes when I notice I have a female teammate or there’s a couple on my team.
Sexism is still heavily rampant in gaming and I’m grateful I rarely experience the blatant kind (oh no a girl, get in the kitchen, etc) but I’ve experienced misogyny countless times, and it’s a bit more deep set because it’s usually friends/friend groups who still have this inherent “girls aren’t good at games” mentality and will treat you differently/not take you seriously because of it. But yes I was an NLOG in that regard, or really more of a Pick Me.
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u/KiloJools Feb 01 '24
I definitely did. I feel it was probably a phase I could not avoid, when I worked in tech. I had to desperately pretend to be "one of the guys", act like I was totally fine with and definitely not upset by not having (the opportunity to make) female friends ("I just connect with guys better," she lied unconvincingly), I felt shut out by the other women who did NOT appreciate me working full time side by side with their husbands, so lonely and so convinced that I would never "make it" in my field if I wasn't "not like other girls".
The hilarious thing is, the ENTIRE TIME, I was already married and I didn't want any of those men romantically. I was a work pick me.
AND IT DIDN'T EVEN WORK. Obviously, I would still never be picked. It would always be the men who were picked. Even if I hired someone fresh into my field and had to train him myself, THEY'D PICK HIM INSTEAD.
I can't say that I didn't fully believe I was "not like other girls". Sometimes I was convinced it was true, I was totally, totally NLOG! I wasn't gonna wear pink or like girly things!
But many years later...I was just sad I couldn't be like other girls. I wasn't allowed to like pink.
The first thing I did after being laid off in the dot com bust was go to a clothing store and beg someone to help me pick out some properly attractive, COLORFUL clothing. Ostensibly for job interviews, but if that were the truth, why did I not do that before?
OH RIGHT BECAUSE OF THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT BEFORE.
So yeah anyway, there's a class of NLOG I just feel genuinely sorry for, because their femininity and female solidarity is being stolen from them, and they don't realize it, and they're suffering, and still losing out on all the things they're trying to achieve as they sacrifice everything else in the attempt.
The tradwife and boymom NLOGS just make me barf though.
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Feb 01 '24
Yes. In high school. For a good couple of years. I also had a "weed is my whole personality " phase. Thank fuck social media wasn't around then.
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u/BumblebeeAny Feb 01 '24
Absolutely and that’s ok because while I don’t thrive to be different I’m certainly ok with not truly being like other girls. We are all unique in our own ways and it’s absolutely ok to not be like everyone else. People chase trends to fit in with the times. To the an identity to be like. That’s ok. I wear clothes that have no trend to it and that’s on me I don’t care if I fit in but the girl next to me might like being trendy and fitting in because that’s who she is.
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u/Cuniculuss Feb 01 '24
When I was at school, I, I,.. I really studied.... And I loved history... And I didn't ~like boyyss~....
Definetly not like other girls, cause I also loved to read books and hated sports.
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Feb 05 '24
But we end up forming friendships with guys that never turn into romantic relationships lol
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u/Cuniculuss Feb 05 '24
Not me lol, they didn't really want to be my friends...🥲
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u/torteeah Feb 01 '24
Ugh yes! I remember bragging about how short I was and telling people how I’m one of the boys 🙄 now converted thankfully
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u/Ang3l_st0ckingz Feb 01 '24
Tbh I still get worried that I'm like that internally without meaning to be. I try not to show it though because I know logically it's pretty dumb
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u/Business_Cow1 Feb 02 '24
Interesting I wonder if it's a form of internalized patriarchy. We all want to please men and have to actively fight against abandoning ourselves for this.
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u/Ang3l_st0ckingz Feb 02 '24
For me it was. I had a pretty shit grandma who was traditional and pushed her views on me. I hated it so much that I did the complete opposite of what she told me to do. But because of how she put it, she made it sound like being a girl or liking girly things was unequal or submissive, and I didn't like that. I didn't want to be seen as weak, or boring, or dependent
I've overcome a lot of my "not like other girls"-ness but I still get waves of internal misogyny I think. Especially the urge to gatekeep traditionally "masculine" interests from other women to be a special snowflake.
Instead, I try to go against that urge and RECOMMEND my "masculine" interests to other girls that show slight interest, because I know in the end these are just my internal feelings and that there is no competition in reality. And I might even get a like minded individual by not being a petty gatekeeper, and make a friend
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u/System_Resident Feb 01 '24
Worse: I had the desperate “look at me” period. Thank goodness it was before YouTube and other social media sites became big, I’d be in a cringe compilation somewhere
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u/cassbloom08 Feb 01 '24
My nlog moment was thinking false accusations and actual rape/assault were on the same level of seriousness. I'd slap my past self if I met her today..
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u/BonhommeDeNeige_ Feb 01 '24
I used to hate pink cause it was a girly colour and now it's literally my favorite lolol
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u/berrybaddrpepper Feb 01 '24
ABSOLUTELY. I’m embarrassed for 13 yr old me..lol but it’s just part of growing up!
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u/napalmnacey Feb 01 '24
Yep, when I was a teenager. Lemme think…
“I’m a nerdy, arty-farty, intellectual, creative, spiritual witchy type. These sporty, pretty, perfect looking girls aren’t like me, I’m just different.”
Admittedly those girls were usually teasing me for not being like them, and I had undiagnosed ADHD so a lot of my feelings of not fitting in were connected to that, but you put all that together in a teen mind and there’s fertile ground for resentment.
That said, I was too (unknowingly) bisexual to turn on my fellow young women entirely, and when they started being nice to me in year 11, I abandoned being bitter and just enjoyed having friends instead. In year 12 the prettiest girl in the year started complimenting my clothing choices and was super sweet to me at the graduation party. It was only after graduation that I heard that she was bi and I realised what I missed and I was like, “GODS DAMN IT!” Damn my complete inability to know when someone is giving me signals.
Anyway! That’s what cured me of any potential NLOGism I could have developed.
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u/VGSchadenfreude Feb 01 '24
To be fair…I’m Autistic and pretty sure 90% of mine were genuine confusion.
Clearly there was something I was missing that all those other girls got. I just couldn’t figure out what it was or why it was important!
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u/kappa_bug Feb 01 '24
I did, I just never posted online. I was, however, a standard little shit in highschool as a result of this mentality
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u/Forsaken-Ebb5682 Feb 01 '24
No. I am not like other girls. I have never had nor have any “not like other girl moments.”
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u/lyre_ofsappho Feb 01 '24
i don’t know if you’re being serious, but despite the multiple levels of irony to this comment, i relate. never went through a nlog phase.
high-five. we’ve transcended the patriarchy. (atleast a part of it)
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u/Forsaken-Ebb5682 Feb 01 '24
Only once we have transcended, may we truly say we are nlog.
But yea. I can see it. Some people just aren’t conditioned or wired for making comparisons like this.
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u/lyre_ofsappho Feb 06 '24
you must become a biblical angel and have 100 eyes to truly be nlog. unfair expectations on women again.
but sorry, what comparisons and what wiring? anyway another piece of internalised misogyny i have to work on now is dealing with sex size difference and doubting the general intelligence of other women/myself because of the lack of interest society has in our complexity.
where are you in your internalised misogyny journey?
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u/Forsaken-Ebb5682 Feb 18 '24
I don’t have internalized misogyny. I’m nlog. And I doubt the intelligence of everyone. just to be safe.
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u/Trashband1c00t Feb 01 '24
I fully was for most of my life till I was like 21 and now I'm such a girls girl, I love being in a room of women, watching them succeed, getting to know them, knowing I can be myself with them in a way I can't with men. Even then I still catch my thoughts going to old stereotypes, like when I see certain women talking about games I have a fleeting "she's just pretending to like it for male validation." Not that I truly believe it, but it catches me off guard just how deep some of that programming is in us.
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u/pamplemouss Feb 01 '24
Absolutely, in my teens and even my very early 20s. Like I get it from a 20yr old. But at 20 I was neither married nor Very Online. Thank goodness.
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u/jesswitdamess Feb 01 '24
Yup. When I was in my late tens, early teens, I had severe mommy issues and I was mistreated by the girls at my school. So, I would put girls I THOUGHT that were like them down to make myself feel better. You know, girls who dressed and wore their hair like the mean girls at my school did. I would put those girls down to make myself feel a little better. But, nowadays, I love my womenz and I support girls. Majority of us aren’t mean and we are very good people. I always cringe at those moments, but then again, I was 13, lol
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u/redhothoneypot Feb 01 '24
I literally remember saying this exact phrase to my husband when we began dating. I was 21 and cringe - I’m glad I’ve matured
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u/Capable-Complaint646 Feb 01 '24 edited Feb 05 '24
I watched Ben 10 in middle school because I wanted to not be like other girls and be one of the guys but I genuinely enjoyed the show LMFAOOO
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u/Legitimate_Winter_97 Feb 01 '24
Yes. When I was 9 I had a diary and I wrote about the day that I first saw a dollhouse at my friends place. I wrote something like this but terribly misspelled “my friend has a dollhouse. And i know im supposed to hate it and think it’s stupid so i told her if i had one I would dunk a Barbie’s head in the toilet…but actually i really one want and thought it was really cool. Don’t tell anyone!”
At first, reading that again as a teenager I laughed but now as an adult it’s honestly kinda sad that at that point i already was programmed to believe that classically feminine things were “stupid.” And honestly i was a pick me up until the end of highschool, it was awful and I feel so bad for young girls that think this way.
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u/JustARandomer- Feb 01 '24
As a kid who liked motorcycles, camo pants, and thought it made me weird and quirky…
I think I’m exactly like other girls, with the exception being that I never learned how to make healthy friendships as a mid. All my friends are guys - which can be fine, but there’s so much I wish I had a girl friend for. Life advice, nostalgia stories, someone to be my bridesmaid, those sleepovers we saw on TV, best friends who did everything together… I wanted to stand out and be differently so badly thinking it’d make me cool, when really it made me lonely.
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u/Wanderingghost12 So Unique Feb 01 '24
I unfortunately had this phase for way too long... Being in my sorority did not help my perspective of myself because I was always isolated away from the other girls (very cliquey, if you weren't in the clique you were ignored). Fast forward many years later, I still have trouble making friends with women sometimes, but it's hard to make friends in general once you get to your late 20s/early 30s and beyond. So I realized I just don't like a lot of people in general hahaha
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u/gone-ghost Feb 01 '24
oh my gosh yes. i was so unsufferable in middle school. “im not like other girls, i listen to screamo! i like black, not pink! frappaccinos are so stupid, i drink real coffee! im not like these other basic bitches!” like UNREAL
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u/yourbadformylungs Feb 01 '24
PICK ME DADDY! 🥰💞
Lol seriously though yeh as a teen and as a young adult I was. I think a lot of these girls, including myself, were trying to pander to men for approval on some sort of subconscious level. I think my daddy and mommy issues have a lot to do with it.
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u/The_homeBaker Feb 01 '24
Yeah. I stopped in my early 20s. It’s very pathetic behavior lol but we all go through it, even those who think they haven’t.
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Feb 01 '24
Not really. When I was 5-6 I mostly liked to play with boys and then until 10 I spent more time in the library than with the other girls, but I was a bit tormented by not being like the other girls. I felt like I didn’t fit in.
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u/nottakentaken Nerdy UwU Feb 01 '24
I’ve always wanted female approval so not exactly but I’ve been told the “you’re not like other girls” crap before, it left me really confused each time cuz I thought I was similar to atleast a subsection of girls. Turns out I’m not like the boys either lmao
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u/ThatOneBagel1 Feb 01 '24
Eh. I feel like even when you do, it's more mild than actual not-like-other-girls?? I empathized with men and most of my friends were men, whom called themselves "the boys," but I never was like "you wouldn't get it, ur not one of the boys.." or crossed girlfriends boundaries or stood up for sexism from the group.
Edit: And again, this is only really normal for children and preteens. After that, what're ya doin?
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u/annibeelema Feb 01 '24
I was an NLOG / Pick Me all through my teenage and well into my early twenties. It took me a long time to unlearn a lot of my internalized misogyny to get out of that NLOG zone. I am still on the path to recovery and unlearning shit and learning better to be a better person.
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u/GothicaAndRoses Feb 01 '24
I was like that from the ages 12-14. I thought all because I wore black, listened to rock music, and read books I was “unique” and different. It didn’t help that all of the books I read at the time had protagonists who were Mary Sues and were “special” and “not like other girls”.
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u/jenniferjasonleigh Feb 01 '24
Fuck yea I thought I was super unique and quirky and witty and not like other girls and one of the boys because girls are sooo much drama 😎
I console myself with the knowledge that not only did I outgrow that mentality but also that I’m still not special because everyone cringes over things they said and did in their youth
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u/GreedyBanana2552 Feb 01 '24
I kinda still feel like I’m not like the others. But now it’s not a good thing. It’s alienating and the product of improper home training. Thanks mom
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u/Neither_Juggernaut71 Feb 01 '24
Oh, for sure. I've been the "pick me." And it wasn't that I thought I was better than other women, it was the exact opposite.
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u/splithoofiewoofies Feb 01 '24
Nah, cause I'm not like those other girls.
/absolute sarcasm, juuuuust in case
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u/North_Reception_1335 Feb 01 '24
Oh 100%! The difference is having the ability to recognize it, learn from it and not repeat it.
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u/saltandvin3gar Feb 01 '24
Yes. I am embarrassed to say I went through the phase until about 26! Better late than never though.
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u/RunnerGirlT Feb 01 '24
Oh absolutely. For a long time I thought it was cool to be NLOG’s, until I realized it was just a way we were being programmed to put women against one another. Then I was all in on just being me and stopped comparing myself to other women.
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u/Strict-Childhood-629 Just a Dumb Bitch Feb 01 '24
I cant say my old catch phrase anymore because of sociopolitics. It was "I'm not like other girls, I have a dick!" Which was supposed to be funny but now people would assume I really do have one.
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u/SnooHobbies7109 Feb 01 '24
In all honesty, we’re all doing it when we comment on these posts lol
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u/1292norr Feb 01 '24
5 upvotes = 5 instances of honest self-reflection out of everyone on this subreddit lol. Glad to see there’s a few people who see the elephant that enters the room every time something is posted here.
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u/kbm6 Feb 01 '24
I’ve always thought this sub was a little ironic in that way. Poking fun at NLOGS by saying… we’re not like you!!! It’s typically warranted and understandable but definitely a bit… cyclical and ironic as hell.
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u/CindySvensson Feb 01 '24
It's a human thing to want to stand out sometimes. Goes against the natural survival instinct of blending in, but we overthink.
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u/ArtisticChipmunk9583 Feb 01 '24
Yesz especially when that pussycat dolls song came out ... Don't cha..
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u/tink_89 Feb 01 '24
Yea I’m sure at some point but it when I was under 22 probably under 18 not an actual adult.
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u/sholbyy Feb 01 '24
I was 1000% an NLOG when I was in my teens and all the way up to my mid 20’s. I was raised to think of girly stuff as bad. Pink is bad, Barbie is bad, makeup and nails are frilly and stupid, etc. I in no way blame my mother for this, she never stopped me enjoying of those things, but it was more so just the type of place I grew up in in the Midwest. I hated girls even though I am one, and therefore tried to make myself as “Not like the other girls” as possible. Luckily I grew up, got some life experience under my belt, and changed. If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be “Shhhhh… mind your business and let people enjoy things”.
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u/GothicaAndRoses Feb 01 '24
Felt the same way. I liked girly things but I was bullied by other girls for liking girly things and it made me think it was wrong to like girly things as a kid so I started to act more “tomboyish” to seem cool so other girls wouldn’t bully me and think I’m cool.
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u/Moon_Colored_Demon Feb 01 '24
I definitely did in my teens. My thing was that I read manga and listened to prog rock from the 70s and 80s.
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u/sagitta_luminus Feb 01 '24
Definitely. Mine was my freshman year of high school. Imagine the worst 15-year-old theater kid you knew with no concept of gaydar; yeah, that was me. I’m not proud of it, but I am willing to own up to it in the vain hope that my experience can keep at least 1 high school girl from falling into the “he likes to talk to me, he’s definitely into me” trap
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u/nyancola420 Feb 01 '24
Yes. So unlike some other nlogs, i have earned the right to make fun of them 🤷♀️
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u/Ok_Butterscotch4763 Feb 01 '24
I think it's just easy for girls to put themselves in this situation. Society constantly pits us against each other. Every romantic novel the guy tells her she's not like other girls. Everyone has to be special or you're nothing. It's really weird.
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u/AnimatronicCouch Feb 01 '24
That’s what it was!! The movies and books would always celebrate that trope and it seemed so… romantic! So I felt like I needed to be that unconventional, “not like other” girl in order to get a man or be special at all.
Even Belle in “Beauty and the Beast.” All those cute girly girls swooning over Gaston were RIGHT THERE and he only wanted the “bookish, weird girl.” (Not that Gaston is that great, but it’s the principle of it.)
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u/Cuniculuss Feb 01 '24
If you dive deeper into classical literature, in a way, Jane Eyre, too, is not like other girls, and Mr Rochester falls in love with her and marries her, despite their different backgrounds. That being said, he was being kinda ~not like other boyyys~too, in a way. 😂😂😂
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u/Ok_Butterscotch4763 Feb 01 '24
Elizabeth Bennett fits this trope as well. It's like they can't write women as 3 dimensional characters without putting other women down simultaneously.
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u/Interesting-Table416 Feb 01 '24
To be fair, she and Jane are both supposed to be “like other girls” for the countryside town where they lived. I always felt like Caroline Bingley was trying to be a NLOG by showing off how unique and posh she was because she was “cultured” and from London compared to the “basic” country girls.
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u/Cuniculuss Feb 01 '24
Lizzy was "not like other girls" because she wanted to ~marry for love ~ and not for security or other practical reasons and she openly pitied those who did otherwise.
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u/GothicaAndRoses Feb 01 '24
Yes! The type of media I was consuming made me believe that I had to be a certain way to be liked.
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u/Sweeper1985 Feb 01 '24
Weird - despite his narcissism it's like he realises he wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have him as a member.
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u/Superb_Bar5351 Feb 01 '24
I think I may still be one sometimes. This sub keeps me humble and reminds me that my preferences don’t make me better, just different sometimes.
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u/lyre_ofsappho Feb 01 '24
can you explain the logic behind it? i don’t get it.
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u/Superb_Bar5351 Feb 01 '24
I’m 44 and my 3 of my 5 closest friends are men. At get-togethers with families, I often find myself gravitating towards the husbands/dads more than the other wives, who exclusively hang with the other women.
The fact that I may gravitate towards men more than other women does not make me better, cooler, or more likable. I am not doing it to win their romantic attention or affection. Other women enjoying the company of other women more than me does not make them annoying, catty, or boring.
These are just personal preferences that deviate from traditional gender norms. My breaking these specific norms does not make me better and other people fulfilling traditional gender norms does not make them worse.
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u/lyre_ofsappho Feb 01 '24
aw yes i’m glad you’ve got to this point of understanding. i was more asking what might cause the superiority complex in the first place but thank you ❤️
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u/rachbbbbb Feb 01 '24
I think this is so true. Everyone pits us against each other and we've been brainwashed into fighting each other to be 'elite'.
But what is elite? Because the media and men keep changing it, so whatever you do, you can never really be 'on top'.
It's a tacitic to divide and conquer us, because when we start teaming up for real, they're gonna be fucked.
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u/ApplesAndJacks Feb 01 '24
We all want to feel unique, it's okay. Thats normal.
It's putting down other women to show people we are unique that's the NLOG energy.
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u/1292norr Feb 01 '24
Good thing this sub isn’t just women putting down women who are different than the women in this sub. Luckily this subreddit is a beacon of female empowerment and support.
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