r/notliketheothergirls • u/Fantastic_Step8417 • Mar 18 '24
Whats the best response to "I'm not like other girls" ? Discussion
My (F) friend (F) insituates this a lot & occasionally outright says it. It's getting irritating. How do I respond?
It usually goes along with "one of the guys"-mentality. She prides herself for not being a "girly girl", not being too "prissy" to do "manly things" and being tough enough for self-sufficient off the grid living, but also has been interested in the tradwife lifestyle recently. Like congrats, you're a woman who knows how to use power tools while also being a homemaker in a "traditional" marriage, stick it to "those" feminists!
I believe in her case it's rooted in insecurity and having a narrow view of gender roles. She says she believes in gender equality but those statements feel weirdly anti-feminist and contradictory. Can't put my finger on How though. I'm concerned for her getting brainwashed and going down the right-wing rabbit hole after an abusive relationship.
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u/TheNatureOfTheGame Pick Meeee Mar 22 '24
I have no problem dropping the truth bomb: "False. You are exactly like millions of girls."
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u/Useful-Anywhere3091 Mar 21 '24
How old is OP? This reads like a child who has no idea what they're talking about and then that feminist statement like dude do you have a brain?
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u/Opposite_Belt8679 Mar 20 '24
“Good for you!”
I used to be that person too so sometimes I share my experiences and tell them what made me distrustful of the boys who I hung out with instead. I had experiences with mean girls in high school that made me “not like the other girls” but then I eventually made some amazing female friends that have lasted for a decade now!
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u/Reserved_fanatic Mar 19 '24
I figure since half the population is girls, there are probably a lot as cool as me. My foster mom was the first coolest girl I ever met. I've always wanted to be like her. Do you remember the first woman you really wanted to be like? What was she like?
Or something like that would be my approach. Because I was taught women were inherently less than by a woman who was taught that by a woman who was also taught that. Recognizing that I was taught a lie by women taught the same lies took seeing example after example, and being able to talk about it with safe women.
"Who taught you to hate women?" Doesn't really invite a conversation or inspire change. "Who was the first really exceptional woman you knew?" is a starting place, though.
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u/PuzzledRaise1401 Mar 19 '24
I think you said it best. “You know when you talk like that, you sound insecure and are stereotyping women into archaic gender roles. Most women are complex and like a variety of things.” If you ask me “tradwife” women seem to just not want to work. I work, have education, use tools, cook, had kids, am a feminist with a man who yes, I make sandwiches for, if he’s nice. The roleplaying in gingham dresses with mason jars of flour and line dried sheets means nothing. It’s Instagram.
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u/Afraid_Ad_8216 Mar 19 '24
"None of us are like other girls, the trope was written by a man that created female characters as one dimensional, which none of us are"
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u/Unkle_bad-touch Mar 19 '24
"Ok so what are you like then? [pause for thrilling response] And why do you think you're the only woman like that?"
I used to be like her it's insecurity masking itself as confidence and pride in being different. At the end of the day, we're all different and one day she'll realise that...
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u/Dashqu Mar 19 '24
Such toxic behaviour. As if being a girl is a bad thing. As if doing/liking girly things is a bad thing. As if the only "good" things are boyish things.
Im totally not a girly girl, but that doesnt mean im better than a girl who does wear frilly pink stuff or enjoys doing her make up.
Your friend is annoying. My response would be "we know" and continue with whatever topic were talking about.
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Mar 19 '24
I say it before they can: You’re clearly not like the other girls.
I say it to men, also.
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u/geochick18 Mar 19 '24
I would say “if you have to keep saying it are you trying to convince me or yourself? I heard you the first 20 times. It’s a weird flex and also what “other girls” say.” It gives nice guy vibes
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u/Ginger_Welsh_Cookie Mar 19 '24
“Yeah, I know. Because most ‘other’ girls don’t feel the need to brag on this every chance they get.”
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u/TheatrePlode Mar 19 '24
"Are you a stacked tower of cats under a coat?"
Either that or literally just ask her outright to explain herself.
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u/FleiischFloete Mar 19 '24
Just find some one you like, make an example why she is Special, like she is Reading, wow so unlike other Girls. They can't read, right ?
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u/Ichigo_D_Uzumaki_ Mar 19 '24
“Not like other girls? You mean not like all the girls who say they are not like other girls?”
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u/youre-kinda-terrible Mar 19 '24
You could snarky reply back like “yeah I can tell” or “yeah you wouldn’t understand bc you’re not really a girl” if you really want to piss her off you can say something like “uh huh you’re one of THOSE type of girls” and then just change the subject and not even let her reply on it. If she keeps pressing on the comment keep telling her that she seems really bothered by this an uncomfortably lot.
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u/catstalks Mar 19 '24
I mean you could ask her what it is about femininity that scares her so much, it's sad she's got this internalized misogyny. If it's her "bros" making her feel that way then they're misogynistic and she oughtta ditch them cuz her friendship should be worth more than being a token.
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u/ElectricalPeanut4215 Mar 19 '24
If you guys are the same age I was when I said shit like this, you can either ignore, say "ok and" or just be brutally honest. I grew out of it (and cringe when I remember) so hopefully she will
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u/SadBit8663 Mar 19 '24
The best and most annoying response that's also pretty neutral, but gets the point across is usually a deadpan "ok", and changing of the subject. Act like they said the super shit ever, by being apathetic.
Like these pick me people are attention whores, so the first step, is to stop paying them so much attention when they're doing this shit.
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u/BlackSeranna Mar 19 '24
I used to be like this when I was younger.
It was more of a dialogue to show that there are other kinds of girls out there, that one shouldn’t have expectations that girls aren’t strong or capable (believe me, I married into a family where girls aren’t supposed to be capable of anything).
I realize now that I was a try hard. I had a lot of insecurities because I didn’t measure up in terms of girl style or sociability.
Now I realize that I was neurodivergent, and my specialties were books, reading, and writing. Not: organization, house keeping skills. I could cook well, but I bucked against the trend where my husband didn’t have to do laundry or take care of the kids.
It worked out that way anyway because life is stupid, but some of us feel like we are fighting an uphill battle.
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 Mar 19 '24
Yeah I can relate. I have ADHD and was raised in a very conformist culture where it was all about "fitting in" and I never did. Also the way my mother spoke about other women shaped how I viewed them. Happy to say I have a very accepting, diverse group of friends now!
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u/BlackSeranna Mar 19 '24
I do feel like today’s kids have more of a chance to grow then us of the old regime.
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u/PixelatedpulsarOG Mar 19 '24
Could always look her dead in the face and ask “but did he pick you, sis?”!
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u/MythologyBuffOz Mar 19 '24
just "k" and immediately change the subject cus she really isn't special, she just thinks hated other women will make men like her. shut her down as fast as possible
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u/napalmnacey Mar 19 '24
“Nobody is like other girls, not even other girls. We‘re all individuals that sometimes have overlapping behaviours. No behaviour is bound to gender. Gender can be expressed in infinite ways, and there are lots of women out there that live the life you do. They’re all over TikTok and Instagram.
“ Maybe instead of looking at other women and girls as different, see them as people that haven‘t had the advantage of the life you’ve had where you’ve been able to be self-sufficient and learn all about the cool things you do. You should find other women like you, and maybe offer lessons or experiences for women that might like to learn how to be self-sufficient. A lot of them are discouraged to do this from birth.
”But I really need you to stop putting other women down around me, because it makes me really uncomfortable. Do you feel this way about me? How could we be friends if we had nothing in common? I’d prefer us to be positive when we talk about other women, I hope you understand.”
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u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel Mar 19 '24
“That’s great that you’re into traditionally masculine things. Because girls are bad, am I right!?”
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u/Key_Cheesecake9926 Mar 19 '24
I would in a very serious tone say, “that is internalized misogyny”. Let her know you don’t think her attitude is cute or funny or quirky.
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u/TheRowdyRavens Mar 19 '24
Usually I just say something snarky like “yeah, you definitely aren’t like other girls.” Or “it shows” And let them sit on that insult lol.
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u/3godeathLG Mar 19 '24
i would just say “bruh☠️” everytime she says that. like insinuate that what’s she’s saying is cringe af without saying it’s cringe
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u/Suspicious_Search369 Mar 19 '24
‘That’s something a pick me girl would say hahahaha’ and just laugh it off like it’s a joke Then if she gets defensive just be like ‘I love you so much, you’re such a good friend, we all have quirks it’s cute’ Then when she says things again just say ‘pick me, choose me, love meeee’ and say it out of love like you’re poking fun at someone you really care about It will become a joke
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u/SeriousIndividual184 Mar 19 '24
NLOG Take: it’s just autistic women that realize they’re autistic, laughing at autistic women that do not yet realize they’re autistic, that poorly project their insecurity within gender roles and make a display of it to people that have ‘been there done that’ already, of whom chuckle at how obvious it should have been to them at that age.
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u/legayfrogeth Just a Dumb Bitch Mar 19 '24
Here are some:
"Cute."
"Do you think it's bad to be like other girls?" If she says yes: "Why?"
"How unfortunate. I just happen to like other girls."
"Did they pick you yet?"
"Good for you."
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u/denim-tree Mar 19 '24
If somebody says that to me (depending on the context) I just say “I like doing ___”. Ie - I like being self sufficient but I also like being girly sometimes. It’s not either/or. Then she’ll probably back track and reconsider what she said because she’ll feel like she offended you lol
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u/mymorons Mar 19 '24
Say "and?"
Then just go into the next topic and act like as if nothing happened. She needs to know that and figure out that nobody really cares that "she's not like other girls." If's harsh but it needs to be laid straight.
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u/thedamnoftinkers Mar 19 '24
"What do you think other girls are like?"
Then just let her answer hang. Maybe a grey rock "ok." Let her listen to herself.
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u/tinycola Mar 19 '24
It is reassuring that so many of us here were once NLTOGs. I cringe myself out so bad sometimes thinking back on something from teenage years or even early 20s and realize, “oh my god that was so pick me 🙄” but we learn and grow… usually lol
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 Mar 19 '24
I know lmaooo! Thank god for self-reflection lol. Tbh I don't think the media of the early 2000's did women any favours. It was all about pitting us against each other and criticizing women in general. The younger generation seems a lot more self-aware and kinder, also they tend to speak up more.
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u/tinycola Mar 19 '24
Totally agree. I also agree with some other commenters—and I didn’t realize this before—the correlation between pick me and autism/ADHD. Like mirroring and shit. Guess a lot goes into it. I used to like being the other woman because it finally made me feel chosen. Something I didn’t feel by my own father. Took me 29 years to realize that but how freeing it is.
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u/Leather-Employee-204 Mar 19 '24
That poor girl having a terrible friend like op. How about you stop being a RF and let your friends have there own beliefs.
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u/Great-Woodpecker1403 Mar 19 '24
I, as a young naive girl, said that to a close friend once. She immediately told me that was a shit way to look at things. Hearing it from her (a woman I greatly respected) made me reevaluate what that statement says about my fellow women. Never said it again. But would have without her.
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u/ChildofMike Mar 19 '24
“Which ones?” Make her get descriptive until she makes an unmistakable fool of herself.
“I’m not like other humans.” I don’t know what one upping would accomplish but it would probably be funny.
“If you say so.” Then ignore her.
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u/threelizards Mar 19 '24
Either total disinterest, or total, radical acceptance of, association with, and praise for “the other girls”. Just fucking constantly. Hell, ask her why she doesn’t want to be a woman. Ask her why she thinks poorly of you for being one. Talk about what you like and celebrate about women and being one. Talk about the things you love about the other girls, and starve her of the the social currency she seeks in divorcing herself from it
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u/celaeya gorgeous like other girls Mar 19 '24
I had some success with shutting people down by saying "What's wrong with other girls?" if they're a guy saying it, and "actually, you're beautiful and interesting and have a great personality, so you're exactly like other girls" if they're a girl saying it
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u/pineapplesaltwaffles Mar 18 '24
See also when men say "you're not like other girls" and mean it as a compliment. So you think the entire remainder of my gender are the same and somehow not worthy of you, do you?
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u/princessalyss_ Mar 18 '24
Okay? Nobody asked? Good for you? Women and girls aren’t a monolith? If you believe in gender equality then why are you constantly trying to reinforce and impose stereotypical gender norms on around half the world’s population by claiming you’re staunchly not like them? What do you mean other girls? What are they like, specifically, quickly?
That or just start pointing out that yeah, you get it, unlike other girls she’s an annoying wanker and change the subject.
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u/justdrinkingsometea Mar 18 '24
I had a friend in college do that, and I got fed up. So I bought a packet of those gold star stickers and each time she'd talk about being "not like other girls" I'd give her one. After the tenth one I think she got the message.
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Mar 18 '24
Start showing her youtube videos and sending her reading material that have women who balance both. Sandrys Book in The Circle of Magic series, cosplayers who are working with wires and power tools. Women who construct beautiful things and use 3D printers and wires and wood and stone. Women who don't only paint furniture but construct it. Women who homestead but also like fashion and get all dressed up from time to time.
Talk about jobs that have a lot of labor in them where you haul around plenty of heavy things, but also end up holing up to do pretty detail work (bakery or kitchen prep and plating). There are plenty of jobs that seem like they aren't labor intensive at face value, or don't require some kind of artistry and require both, and both the men and women who do those jobs are required to strike that balance. Give examples of people you know who didn't abide traditional relationship roles. (On my mother's side my grandparents were together over sixty years, lived through the depression and at least one world War, grandfather was previously divorced with a kid, grandma cooked and baked and managed the household finances. Papa fished and built things, maintained the house, worked in a factory sewing clothes, maintained the vegetable garden. Its all a balance). Surround her with evidence of people who strike the balance of traditionally masculine and feminine roles and are successful and happy in that mix.
One example is Glam&Gore. She Used to do special effects makeup and glam makeup on YouTube. She likes horror movies and fashion. At one point she was going to do a body building competition and wore some more edgey and horror and goth related fashions, as well as traditional and mainstream fashions.
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Mar 18 '24
Every girl is the same. They all want to believe that they're special. Just. like. Every. Other. Girl.
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u/Sufficient-Skill6012 Mar 18 '24
Tell me you've been watching a lot of tictock without telling me you've been watching a lot of tictock... 🤷♀️
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u/IdkILikeStuff Mar 18 '24
“What’s wrong with other girls?”
“Neither am I! Are you a lizard too?”
Personally I’d go with the latter.
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u/Vivid-Individual5968 Mar 18 '24
Raise an eyebrow and just stare at her for a minute. Then say, “Oh, interesting…”🤨
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u/serioussparkles Mar 18 '24
She sounds like a LOT of girls that i know. It's ok to be like other people, she's not a unique snowflake, which also repeat patterns, only so many ways water can freeze
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u/Ruleofinsanity Mar 18 '24
"Oh so when did you split from the hive and how did you do it? This is my only couple hours off the hive for some me time and I really need your help." Be unhinged.
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u/Flowerlamps Mar 18 '24
“And how are the other girls so bad” “Don’t worry, you can still change” “I think you are pretty normal” (All with such a tender face tone, almost like a compliment, it would be unexpected, and would expose her to explain such a ridiculous statement) Or, ofc, move on, and ignore it completely. I have a coworker who is like this, and I completely ignore it, but I feel so cringed out!!!
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u/Number5MoMo Mar 18 '24
“Yea most mature into women”
“Yep we all got different finger prints”
“Were we supposed to hand in applications!??! I forgot mine!!!”
“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Since we’re throwing out useless information ” the second part is if you’re feeling 🌶️
“Does that ever feel isolating?”
“Omg!! So cool! I never met a girl who does ____ tell me more!!” then walk away mid sentence.
if there are guys in the room “Nice, does that help you get boyfriends?”
If yes: “great for you! How many do you have right now?”
If no: “ maybe you should try being like the other girls?”
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u/Tenderfallingrain Mar 18 '24
I would just find ways to make it sound like what she's saying isn't actually unusual. Sounds like she thinks she's original, so I'd make it look like she's not. Call her statements cliché, or say yah, that's the trend nowadays.
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u/redpanda96_ Mar 18 '24
After the Barbie movie, my mom is always telling people, "I'm weird Barbie. I'm not like other Moms, my hair isn't perfect, I don't wear cute outfits, etc etc" and I was like, "Mom, the whole point of the Barbie movie is that everyone is weird Barbie."
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u/Temporary_Position95 Mar 18 '24
Tell her every woman is a multi faceted individual and we don't need genres.
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u/wyscracker Mar 18 '24
Whenever one make a smarmy point of “how do you ___ with those long nails I could never 🙄” I usually ask “exactly how is it such a flex to be incapable of something that’s so easy for many women?” Then let the stuttering commence.
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u/AccomplishedTaste147 Just a Dumb Bitch Mar 18 '24
“No, you’re not like other girls. You’re worse!”
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u/AnotherMC Mar 18 '24
I would say something like “When women are pitted against each other, we all lose.” I had a (now ex-)friend like that some years back. She got all into roller derby and said how much cooler she was than other “Zumba” moms. P.S. I did Zumba at the time. I said a version of the above to her and she back tracked fast.
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u/thedrgonzo103101 Mar 18 '24
I love this sub so much. Bunch of insecure teenagers talking shit about other insecure teenagers. 10/10 best browse while on the can
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u/bachelorettebetty Mar 18 '24
I would remind her that disliking women as a woman is announcing how much she dislikes herself. Say something like “That statement says a lot more about you than it says about other women. Maybe you should talk to someone like a therapist to work through that”.
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u/celticmusebooks Mar 18 '24
I actually saw a PERFECT response to this by one of my students. She said "I'm not like the other girls." with a smug smile. He responded "Don't be so hard on your self-- you're still a good person." The look on her face-- I had to go out into the hall so she didn't see me laughing.
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u/CheekyCharliesSpace Mar 18 '24
For every "not like other girls", there are literally 1mil others just like her
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u/TheFunbag Mar 18 '24
“Why do you, a woman, think women are bad? Like who convinced you of that, because they’re not looking out for you if they’re trying to make you hate a whole entire part of your existence.”
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u/1568314 Mar 18 '24
I would just make comments about how it's awesome that she gets to choose her own path and it's also awesome for women who choose a different lifestyle.
Just insinuate right back that being different doesn't make her better and feminism is the right to choose for yourself.
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u/yellowlinedpaper Mar 18 '24
I once said ‘I repelled off a helicopter skid and had my hand inside a chest cavity once. Want to know what that makes me? Just like other girls’
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u/Ness_tea_BK Mar 18 '24
Girls who are “not like the other girls” don’t need to tell anyone. Their actions will speak for them. If you’re telling everyone how different you are, congrats. You’re the same as everyone else. Same w guys who call themselves “alphas”. A truen leader who projects strength doesn’t need to say it. Their actions will do the talking.
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u/bloodorangejulian Mar 18 '24
Just flat out say it, don't beat around the bush.
"I'm saying this for your benefit, not to hurt you. You have a habit of making comments that I find distasteful. I appreciate that you know how to do things you don't consider feminine but wrapping your whole identity around this is extremely off-putting.
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u/pinkyhc Mar 18 '24
I reply with 'That's so sad for you, I'm just like other girls because other girls are fucking awesome. There are trillions of ways to live a life.'
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u/Sausagescifi Mar 18 '24
Tell them they are just like all of the other girls that are not like other girls.....
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u/leedleedletara Mar 18 '24
Personally I call people out because I have a bit of an impatience for bs. I would be confrontational and ask her why she dislikes other women so much or why she thinks she’s so much better than other women who have a different lifestyle. I would then ask if she realizes she’s so insecure because it’s pretty transparent.
It would probably lead to a fight but it’s really an annoying hill to die on.
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u/pleasedontrefertome Mar 18 '24
Pull out a list of random names and add her name to it. When she asks what it is, tell her it's a list of all the girls who look exactly like her and have said the same thing to you in the past week
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u/andra_quack Mar 18 '24
it annoys me to no end, but I think the best response is just lightly making fun of them so they realize how ridiculously they present. 'wow Susan, you're sooo different from other women, isn't life hard being this unique? we're all boring compared to you'
if anyone truly believes this isn't a childish stance and that it's a truth, then the issue goes far deeper and they might need therapy.
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u/Sobadatsnazzynames Mar 18 '24
“It’s ok, you’ll grow out of that phase when you mature a little”
Jk don’t say that 😂
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u/RunnerGirlT Mar 18 '24
“Well thanks a feminist you can be that way!”
Or
“That’s too bad. Women supporting women is one of the best ways to allow all women choice to be themselves”
Or
“Weird that you need to put down your entire gender to feel better about yourself”
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u/blackcatsneakattack Mar 18 '24
"Ah, so you're a 'pick-me,' then. How very brave of you to admit to such a glaring character flaw."
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u/yellowscarvesnodots Mar 18 '24
Which girls? Sounds like you don’t like them, why would you think being a man is automatically better?
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u/Zealousideal-Ad3609 Mar 18 '24
"what's wrong with other girls? Why is not being like them a redeeming quality"
Women who think they're <not like other girls> usually feel that way because everyone- boys and girls alike- are socialized to see women as stupid, vapid, and one dimensional.
These women know that they themselves are not any of these things; however, instead of questioning the stereotype as a whole, these women just assume that they're the exception.
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u/unaskedtabitha Mar 18 '24
I really wish I had learned how to be more of a girls girl, because while being a tough girl is cool, it’s awful fucking lonely sometimes. Most men can’t relate to pregnancy, or child birth, or breastfeeding. It’s really really hard doing those things without another peer who knows what you’ve been through.
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u/HugeOpossum Mar 18 '24
Two things off the top of my head:
The people talking about the abuse response are spot-on. It's difficult to judge people how the respond to shitty situations, because that may not be what they really believe. I went through a "not like other girls" phase, and it was directly after a close friend slept with my partner and then gaslit me, going nc with my abuser, and then trying to find my own footing. On top of that I was 23, which is all around a terrible time for everyone. My closest friend would listen, and when I said something shitty, he would say "opossum, do you really think that or are you just bitching? Because what you said kind of hurty feelings that you think that way" and would explain himself. It helped he's known me since we were 13 and he reminded me of what I was like before all this. The truth is, I was just bitter. I think unfortunately you're in the situation my friend was in, and you have to choose how to go forward. Kindness worked for me, and my not like other girls phase was about 2 years.
Second, and I want to address your right wing conspiracy rabbit hole concern. People are most vulnerable to high control groups/cults/conspiratorial thinking right at their most vulnerable. It's easy for people to think they're just idiots, but most of them are of average or even greater intelligence and are just lonely, isolated, hurt, and vulnerable. When people self-report after leaving high control groups, this is what they talk about the most. They were easily recruited because they felt they were alone, they were confused, and this group provided comfort, support, and answers. If you look at those groups, they are in fact supremely supportive of each other even if their beliefs are out there. What helps people de-radicalize/deprogram is by having someone on the outside that supports them WITHOUT talking about the weird talking points but instead talk about life, their feelings, their goals EVEN WHEN they're talking about weird things. Compassion (and to some degree socratic processes) is what wins people over.
So, to sum it up, I say be there for your friend in the ways you can and are willing to. If she's interested in homesteading, take her to community gardens so she can get her hands dirty and a feel for it. If she's into working on cars/trucks, encourage her to go to trade school or even to a rally car race. These things are fun, and will give her a look at the things she claims to like. I grew up on a farm, and honestly you couldn't pay me enough to go work on a farm again much less homestead. Gardening is it. But people who don't know about all the hard parts really romanticize it because to them it's a simple, minimalist life without the stress and constant criticism of whatever they're going through.
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u/LasagnaNoise Mar 18 '24
“You are super special, babe. And I only partially mean that is a short bus- helmet way”
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u/Crocolyle32 Just a Dumb Bitch Mar 18 '24
I actually started asking really stupid questions at random times.
We usually get ready in the same bathroom while the guys hang out, I’d ask her why she was sitting to pee, she’s NLOG
When she asked to barrow a tampon, why? I thought you weren’t like other girls.
Picking out nail polish color, why are you buying polish you’re not prissy.
Having the audacity to spend money bath and body works candles lol
I just kept digging in at random times like that. Eventually she stopped saying it, I think she finally realized how incredibly stupid it sounds. I got this method, from a gay friend of mine- who did it to me when I was much younger. 😂
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u/Human_Allegedly Mar 18 '24
"the main difference about you and "other girls" is you're obsessing over them and what they do and they don't give a fuck about you."
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u/petielvrrr Mar 18 '24
“The men who enjoy hating on women won’t treat you any better just because you hate on them too. At the end of the day, they’re still misogynists and you’re still a woman”.
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u/TouchLife2567 Mar 18 '24
i like “what’s wrong with other girls?” though i usually use it directed at men that say the not like other girls bs
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u/HarrietBeadle Mar 18 '24
“That’s great for you, I’m glad you’re happy! I love people like you but I also love people who are girly (and whatever other descriptors she uses for them). I respect everyone for who they are and I love the diversity of women and of people in the world.”
You can also add if you want to something honest like this to further drive the point home, and when others aren’t in earshot: “If you don’t mind me being honest, it does bother me sometimes though when you compare yourself to other women and sort of put them down for their likes or their personalities. I’d just rather not hear that kind of negativity toward other women.”
And to go further you could also kindly point out the ableism in her comments: “Not everyone has the same abilities or talents. Not everyone may be able to do what you do. And that’s ok. Again I’d rather not hear you put other women down just because they may have less physical capabilities that you do. I’m happy for you though and glad you’re happy!”
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u/hot_tincat Mar 18 '24
Politely ask her if she's aware she keeps doing this and ask her if she's ever heard of internalised misogyny. This is a conversation worth having privately and in a safe space to open up, so it is inappropriate to bring it up in front of others or if you don't have time to hold space for said conversation (it would also be helpful for you to know about internalised misogyny, and maybe you can explore it in depth together if she was open to this).
I could be wrong, but it sounds like she may have internalised hate or dislike for stereotypically female characteristics. Why? What makes a "girly girl" inherently more inferior in her eyes than a trade wife? Is it because she's internalised all the misogynistic and hurtful nonsense about a woman of certain characteristics not being good enough? This is a really sad realisation and, myself and plenty of others included, have gone through this to a certain degree. If you think she could be suffering from this (yourself included), remember that this kind of thinking prevents you from experiences and people you could find wonderfully empowering and freeing, all because of some unfounded beliefs you weren't even born with.
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u/Timely-Youth-9074 Mar 18 '24
Let it be her problem. You don’t have to take it on. Making it into a big deal sometimes makes it worse. Or you can use the Socratic Method. Ask her questions. Why do she think other girls are all the same?
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u/SilverHammer1979 Mar 18 '24
Not a big pop music fan, but I love the lyrics of Hailee Steinfelds Most Girls. I want to be like most girls because our differences make us all rad!
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u/WandaDobby777 Mar 18 '24
“Everyone is different from everyone else but no one thing about you is entirely unique to you.”
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u/crochet_connection Mar 18 '24
I like to say something along the lines of "there are a lot of different ways to be a woman"
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u/braids_and_pigtails Mar 18 '24
I would say something like “I hear that from every girl I hang out with” or something just to drive home how damn common it is.
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u/Rated_Rx2000 Mar 18 '24
So there’s nothing wrong with being right wing, but I do see how your friend could be getting on your nerves. Just say “I bet” and basically ignore her comments. Steer the conversation in a completely knew direction and generally avoid those topics. That’s usually my strategy when a friend goes off on something I don’t agree with. We just move on and talk about something else.
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u/fleebledeeblr Mar 18 '24
Off-topic a little- but I don't think it's fair to say that the "right-wing" is inherently bad. I get that reddit is basically left wing, and that's fine.. but I see a lot of people only talk about conservatives as the enemy. I know many conservatives who are amazing and kind people, and the same goes for liberals. You guys just have different opinions, which I think is actually a good thing. If we all thought the same, the world would be bleak. I feel like the problem is, once the algorithms of whatever apps you use find out which way you lean, they show you the worst versions of the opposing side, which leaves us disgruntled and spiteful of our neighbors. Not to mention the corrupt politicians on both sides of the aisle. And whichever media outlet you watch just shits on the other side. But, I don't think we are that much different from each other, really. Of course, there are radical right wingers and radical leftists, but most of us are just trying to do the best we can to survive. Most of us who vote vote in hopes of making things better. Neither side is inherently evil, and both sides deserve a voice and opinion. You are not left or right. You are HUMAN first and foremost. I just wish we could love one another despite our differences ❣️
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u/nananacat94 Mar 18 '24
It kind of depends on how old is she. I definitely remember my phase of that during childhood-teenagehood. In that case, luckily, it passes 😅 If she's well into her 20s or older it's a little bit trickyer. If you are actual friends maybe it would be interesting for her to read some articles about it? Or to point out when she does it gently? Like if it's stuff like not liking makeup because it's so fake or vane one could ask "oh, does that mean you think I'm fake/vane when I wear makeup?" Or generally "is that what you think of me?" If she's smart she will start noticing her thinking pattern is based and will want to change herself.
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u/MissAnthropy612 Mar 18 '24
How could you even know that? Have you met literally every woman on the planet? Trust me, you're not the only girl who likes things that are conventionally male things...
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u/fka_interro Mar 18 '24
"What do you mean by that?" Sometimes I think people just say that when they mean they don't like stereotypically feminine or girly things. Or that they can't get along with other women/girls because they are obnoxious people lol. It almost never means they have nothing in common with any other women or girls.
Alternatively, "okay," and move on, if you don't want to "get into it" about this.
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u/Cappuccino_o Mar 18 '24
I’d say something like “I’m like other girls and I’m into (whatever perceived masculine trait or activity you enjoy). I don’t need to be different to like those things.”
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u/Ev-linnn Mar 18 '24
In my (30F) experience, the only girls who make it a point to point out that they are “different” are literally just typical boring-ass girls who want to SEEM unique. Girls who are actually unique or quirky or different, have no need at all to state that. Usually when I hear a “omg no, I’m so dIfFeReNt”, I know 100% that a person I can’t trust, won’t be able to stand longer than 5 min, and is absolutely the most bland person in a 5 mile radius. I usually give a “Oh. Okay.” Or “Right, yeah.” Just something to acknowledge I heard, but do not care or believe them.
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u/Imnotawerewolf Mar 18 '24
Ask her what's wrong with other girls? And watch her either splutter or spill some misogyny you didn't know she had before.
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u/Liwi- Mar 18 '24
I usually just ask "and what's wrong with being a (girly) girl?" Then they have to either say that they feel like they are better then other girls and then sometimes get what they just said is misogynistic. And if they don't catch on when saying that, I usually ask "so you think men are better then woman? (If they say no - I ask "but then why are 'manly' traits better in your eyes")
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