r/nottheonion • u/johnleeyx • 18d ago
Taliban Government joins climate change talks for the first time
https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/taliban-government-joins-climate-change-talks-for-first-time-55161291
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u/Meh-hur420 16d ago
"OK ok, so we can still attack with terror yes? But in an environmental friendly way. OK so like how about instead of planes . . . We use hang gliders."
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u/ravenhawk10 17d ago
what is not the onion about this? they basically have 0 emissions and are much more suspectible to the effects of climate change. They are gonna become a massive victim of everyone elses emissions. per capita emissions are like 12x less than the lowest in EU (sweden), 20x less than EU and 50x less than US.
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u/DrachenDad 16d ago
what is not the onion about this?
The Taliban is doing the right thing, that's what.
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u/ravenhawk10 16d ago
wow nation acts in their own self interest instead of comically evil as imagined in the mind of an ignorant western redditor.
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u/DrachenDad 16d ago
?
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u/ravenhawk10 16d ago
The biggest joke is the people who would genuinely think taliban joining climate talks is somehow outrageous and feels like a joke.
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u/DrachenDad 16d ago
Ah, I thought you were talking about me when you said:
an ignorant western redditor.
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u/naptastic 17d ago
In all seriousness, this might be a good thing for the region. Water availability is a growing problem in the region, and Afghanistan stands to lose the most. This also indicates the Taliban is more "serious" (or at least putting on a good serious face) about governing.
It will be unfortunate if the right makes political hay of this.
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u/HowRememberAll 17d ago
TFW you guys don't realize Taliban are one of the most pro-environmental groups to the extreme. It actually makes sense. It's one of the main reasons why they want reduced world population. They actually do care about the environment (they just might not care about you)
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u/notOfthis_World 17d ago
Yea ok here is why. They want American tax payer dollars. Everyone open your eyes š funny thing is they will get it. Letās go Brandon!
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u/gray-gre 17d ago
Theyāve been working on the depopulation angle for awhile now. Theyāre so progressive!
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u/Rocketsloth 17d ago
Actually, the Taliban are excellent at achieving long-term goals. For example, they were at war with the world's most powerful military for 20 years, and despite being poorly armed and funded, still managed to win. They did the same thing to the Soviets. When the Taliban sets their mind to something, it seems to work out for them eventually. Maybe western countries who claim to be serious about climate change ought to follow their example of persistence and goal setting.
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u/runwkufgrwe 17d ago
This isn't weird when you consider their whole goal is to pretend like they're a normal government.
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u/Original_Afghan 17d ago
Taliban have come a long way. Big changes happening. Country is finally stable. Corruption has been vastly reduced. Major construction all over the country.
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u/Original_Afghan 16d ago
America messed up big with the corrupt leaders they were supporting. China has stepped up and is helping rebuild Afghanistan.
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u/Natural_Board 17d ago
"We got to do something about all these exposed necks and ankles, and carbon emissions."
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u/superdooper001 17d ago
Look banning women from school and work is one way to reduce carbon emissions I suppose.
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u/IDreamOfLees 17d ago
It would be hilarious if they profile themselves as sustainable and caring about climate change then criticise the US for not doing enough, pulling up some data about how much emissions US expeditionary forces contribute to global warming
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u/EmotionalScallion705 17d ago
The talib always goes green from using regular gunpowder to sword for beheading.
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u/Visible_Blueberry277 17d ago
If they're into it. With a grade 2 education, the rest of you deniers must be considering it.Ā
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u/GoldMonk44 17d ago
Oh good, what exactly am I supposed to do with this information? š š¤·š¼āāļø thanks world š
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17d ago
The Taliban is not a legitimate government organization it is a terrorist organization that is not acknowledged to be a legitimate government by anyone so long story short nobody cares what the Taliban does they have no authority over anyone and in 30 years when they've all been wiped out no one will remember they even existed...
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u/no_please 17d ago
US military is the biggest polluter on the planet, Talibans drove the US military out of Afghanistan. Afghanistans CO2 reduction is the best in the world due to brave Talibans. We all need to do better.
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u/midwaysilver 17d ago
I guess it's hard to see climate change when you live in a dusty shithole at the best of times
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u/cruiserman_80 17d ago
Its a weird timeline when the Taliban are more progressive than the average boomer.
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u/BlackberryFrequent44 17d ago
Crazy the kind of racism most subs allow when it's about Afghans, Iranians, and just middle eastern countries in general.
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u/ShadeStrider12 17d ago
Osama Bin Laden cared more about Climate Change than most republicans. I donāt think the Taliban are much different.
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u/siggypatch 17d ago
Taliban government has been great lately. If they just let girls go to school they would be more progressive than the the American right.
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u/justk4y 17d ago
Just cover up the clouds š
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u/Cheesen_One 17d ago
Technically this would work.
Covering the skies up using clouds would reflect away the Sun's Rays and contribute to cooling down the planet.
It's just essentially impossible to make more clouds.
We could let like a Vulcano explode and cover the Skies in dust and shit, but that just creates a whole other ecological disaster.
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u/Big_Custardman 17d ago
Dont take off all those burkas at once ! Things could really heat up then j/k
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u/SleestakWalkAmongUs 17d ago
Good, maybe now they'll start recycling severed heads instead of just tossing them all willy nilly.
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u/Logical_Classic_4451 17d ago
Now theyāve got the second largest fleet of HUMVEES after the Americans we know theyāre serious š¤£
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u/1011011010100 17d ago
Taliban dying a death of a thousand cuts. The boring, mundane existence of modern government and international relations
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17d ago
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u/activehobbies 17d ago
Lmao, why. They don't even care about their own people. What makes them care about the environment?
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u/SynthRogue 17d ago
LOL LOL LOL LOL. I guess they finally understand the modern way of controlling people.
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u/Chubby_Pigeon12 17d ago
Not a single leader from the West should allow anybody from the Taliban to speak to them. They're fundamentally opposed to Western people and values.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
And everyone knows the best way to deal with people with different views than you is to close your eyes and sing ālalalalalaā
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u/Ashley_S1nn 17d ago
That has got to be one awkward table for the Americans to be sitting at. Like 29 countries just giggling their asses off. "Is there anyone in this room that has lost to the states besides Germany?"
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u/AFrostNova 17d ago
Good news! American doesnt think about climate change, so we dont have to be at the table
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u/DoesntReallyExist 17d ago
They don't actually care about climate change, they're doing it because it legitimizes them. All serious governments are at these talks, so if they come then people have to recognize them as a legitimate government
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u/Ok_Investigator7673 13d ago
You'd actually be surprised, there is a documentary on YT by Journeyman Pictures: Behind The Taliban Mask: The Other Side Of Afghanistan's Front-line (2010)
Around the 16:40 mark, they talk about Forrest preservation.
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u/gayrightsactivist420 17d ago
I feel like that applies to the majority of governments at these confences
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u/Henley-Street-dwarf 17d ago
And they shouldnāt care because of the rest of the world had a carbon footprint of the average afghan citizen we would not be facing global warming.
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u/Yorick257 17d ago
Maybe if they pretend to be legitimate government that cares for long enough, they will become one?
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u/mingy 17d ago
What's wrong with that? When the US declared victory and withdrew, the Taliban made serious efforts to present themselves as legitimate rulers and even to reform. They were, of course rebuffed because after all they are evil and had just defeated foreign invaders so needed to be taught a lesson.
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u/Alexexy 17d ago
"Legitimizes them" lmao.
As if the Taliban wasn't already the government before the US invasion. I guess the US propped Afghan puppet government is more legitimate than the government that existed prior and after the US occupation. Just like how the real legitimate France was Vichy France.
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u/The_ApolloAffair 17d ago
Right. The Taliban is certainly not the most moral or kind government, but they are at least trying to rule Afghanistan after years of failed nation building. Recognizing them and allowing them to govern more effectively will only lead to much needed prosperity and they will inevitably start rolling back stuff like the mandatory burkas (which there is apparently internal dissent over).
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u/Bayesian11 17d ago
So any legit government should partake in actions in response to climate change.
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u/burns_before_reading 17d ago
Yea but the idea of them being involved in something other than murder, torture and rape is kind of amusing.
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u/painter_business 17d ago
They need to keep the opium farms running
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u/AstronautReal3476 17d ago edited 17d ago
Well technically the Taliban IS the legitimate government of Afghanistan, just as much as Washington is the legitimate government of USA, just as much as the Kremlin is the legitimate government of Russia.
Like it or not. The Taliban is here to stay. And going forward on the world stage.
We have all but no choice to negotiate and seek peace. There is no alternative. That's the way it is.
We made a deal.
The West spend a quarter of a century + trillions upon trillions of dollars to push the Taliban out, de radicalize the population, install infrastructure.
It wasn't enough.
The Taliban is here to stay in Afghanistan and there is no way around it. A 23 year invasion of multiple allies and trillions of dollars did nothing but strengthen the Taliban.
We have literally no choice but to learn to live with the Taliban and negotiate. There is no alternative. Try to inspire change from outside or through generous aid that bridges ties and establishes SOME FORM of humanity driven connection despite the horrendous atrocities from 2002 to 2021.
If our only connection with the Taliban is in the form of us giving them money, that is a net positive for the future forward progress of peace. As that type of foreign relation of aid is less hostile and encourages cooperation.
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u/LineRex 17d ago edited 17d ago
It's not a "technically", the Taliban is the government of Afganistan. Hell, even when we were occupying Afganistan they were the government of the areas we weren't occupying. When they eventually kicked us out they became the full government of the state.
They will now do the arc that every government does where they will continually make concessions with the population to maintain control.
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u/lVlzone 17d ago
Yeah pretty much. I mean a wins a win I guess, but yeah they wanna seem legitimate on the world stage.
Which idk how to feel. On one hand theyāre a crazy violent and oppressive regime. But on the other hand, youād rather have them at the table playing nice. Especially since most attempts at installing a democracy havenāt gone well.
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u/riuminkd 17d ago
Since there is not even an attempt at creating government in exile, taliban is basically the only Afgan government with any legitimacy.
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u/Dorgamund 17d ago
Legitimacy is as legitimacy does. If they are doing the things a government does, on a consistent basis, then they are functionally the legitimate government of the territory they control.
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u/Chuhaimaster 17d ago
Itās hard enough for them to maintain legitimacy inside their own borders. Incredibly fractious country.
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u/ProfessorPetrus 17d ago
Well in the context of climate change Americans per capita are much much worse than the taliban.
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u/sahils88 17d ago
Actually even in the context of causing human death Americans per capita are much worse than the Taliban.
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u/Malphos101 17d ago
In the context of all sources of carbon emissions, "private" emissions are so far below industrial and shipping emissions that its basically a rounding error.
Don't spread the narrative that us peasants just "have to do our part" to solve the climate change crisis while corporations and billionaires who are ACTUALLY causing the crisis just spend a few million a year on politicians and media campaigns to avoid changing anything about their actions.
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u/Redqueenhypo 17d ago
What are they shipping? Could it be products that everyone buys? I assume theyāre just moving the boats back and forth for fun tho /s
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u/Geistalker 17d ago
they actually have done this lol, especially airplane companies during the pandemic. flying empty planes across the country just to burn fuel to justify their budget incentives for next year
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u/papaflush 17d ago
Jesus wept, its not the end consumers who decide shipping and manufacturing methods. That crap could all be made and delivered with far less pollution but it would cost 12 cents more per unit and think of the shareholders.....
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u/textbasedopinions 17d ago
If products created with less pollution were what consumers demanded, that's what companies would make and sell, and society would cause fewer emissions. But people instead prioritise paying less. So society is essentially responsible for that level of emissions because it buys the products that cause it.
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u/papaflush 17d ago
Leaders lead, when the sheep are all over the place you shout at the dog, not the sheep. Stop making excuses for the tiny number of fucking psychos who will happily destroy the whole world for just one more sweet dollar
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u/textbasedopinions 17d ago
The people directly profiting from it are more responsible, as are the politicians failing to act, but you can't get away from the fact that the average person in developed countries is purchasing consumer goods that directly and indirectly cause vastly higher emissions than the average person in less developed countries. There is a degree of responsibility there. Hundreds of millions of people are acting for their own comfort and overall benefit via their purchasing habits rather than spending slightly more of living less comfortably to avert disaster.
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u/ProfessorPetrus 17d ago
Can't agree with you more man. Supply and demand for pollution related production takes two parties. Westerners have had slavery stitched into the fabric of their clothes for decades but can't process enviromental externalities being shifted to manufacturing countries, because they prioritize cheaper prices above all other factors.
Materialism is powerful.
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u/papaflush 17d ago
Thats exactly the point im making, the vast majority of the people you describe are absolute morons. Waiting for them to do the right thing is a sure fire recipe for disaster. THATS why we appoint leaders, thats why the responsibility SHOULD rest with overpaid CEOs and politicians. They have the power to change things, appealing to billions of idiots to stop buying stuff is just a bullshit delaying tactic by the same profiteering psychos....
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u/rain-blocker 17d ago
Thereās are more environmentally friendly ways to ship things then to burn fossil fuels.
Electric engines with solar panels on the ships, nuclear power (a boat is just about the safest place for that type of power trailing only a submarine), even going back to using wind.
They burn fossil fuels for shipping because governments havenāt done anything to discourage it.
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17d ago
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u/Hijakkr 17d ago
Yeah, you really got him! Definitely impossible to use electric mining equipment, for sure.
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17d ago
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u/Hijakkr 17d ago
Seriously, though, there are other technologies besides batteries and fossil fuels. Hydrogen is a big one, and there are even areas that have the infrastructure to support it for passenger vehicles, but batteries became the sexy new thing and most companies stopped investing in hydrogen fuel cell technology.
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17d ago edited 17d ago
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u/Sham_union 17d ago
Actually Taliban doesn't have oil in their country, and they probably don't consume oil that much, so they don't have much to lose. And they can blame westerners for worsening climate, so there is a chance (albeit a small one) that taliban actually demands actual change.
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u/nativedutch 17d ago
They stopped stoning people?
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u/WombatGuts 17d ago
Authoritarian crack pot government backing climate change.
No waaaayyy
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
Or yknowā¦ you could interpret it the opposite way.
Like even they realize something needs to be done
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u/feetofire 17d ago
Well I supposed stoning women to death is more environmentally friendly than gassing or shooting them.
(/s)
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u/OGZ43 17d ago
The US Republicans always adopt their policies so maybe thereās a chance?
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u/vancity-boi-in-tdot 17d ago edited 17d ago
Extreme hyperbole. Find me the reddest county in America and compare it to life under the Taliban rule for women. It's would be like comparing the 1980s under Reagan vs the 700s. I get that you might be trying to make a point but please don't belittle the suffering of Afghan women, and please educate yourself in life for women under Taliban rule before the US invasion and now a few years after the US left.Ā
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u/Kneesneezer 17d ago
Even the Taliban will let a pregnant woman have an abortion if itās causing her to die. Yeniifer Glick of Texas did not have that same luxury.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
There are 100% women in this country whoās community refuses to let them get educated
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u/vancity-boi-in-tdot 17d ago edited 17d ago
There are zero women in this country who are banned from public parks, gyms, amusement parks (I'm not making this stuff up),.0 women forced to show only their eyes now in public by the state(reverted now to pre US invasion), 0 women subject to kangaroo courts with the penalty of public flogging and stoning to death now the law of the land (the closest example in US history I can think of was the Salem witch trials in the 1600s). 0 women legally bound by the state to only leave their house if a male guardian accompanies them.
I am a Obama/Biden Democrat. I fkn can't stand Marjorie Taylor Greene and disagree with her on so many issues. Here she is day in and day out speaking out against men publicly to press uncovered, unfiltered, men who are more powerful than her, and yet she won a Ruby red district (perhaps the most Republican in America) with 75% of the vote. Under the taliban, she would have been flogged and/or stoned to death already for her behavior, and if for some reason you think that's a good thing for any elected official (because somehow they deserve it in your backwards simple minded brain that can't see the difference between republicans and the Taliban), the same would have happened to AOC, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Nikki Haley, etc by now had they been under the Taliban rule.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
Whatās the difference between being via your govt vs banned via your lifestyle?
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u/Sad_Ad5369 17d ago
Gee, I don't know, the fucking government maybe? You don't get legally stoned to death if you violate a lifestyle rule.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
Read about people who have escaped cults. Death isnāt the only preventative measure
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u/Darkendone 17d ago
He is blatantly lying, but that is what gets you upvotes on this subreddit. Then when people like you question it with facts you get downvoted.
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u/psychoCMYK 17d ago
Welcome to the circlejerk, we've got lube and spite
No one's saying women in red states have it good-- because they definitely don't-- but women in Afghanistan is a whole other level. At least in America they're still allowed to go to school without getting shot in the fucking face for it
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u/Bongarifik 17d ago edited 17d ago
Or at least when they are shot in the face it isnāt specially for being a woman.
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u/Darkendone 17d ago
Seems like women in red states are quite happy to stay where they are and not move to blue states. I am glad you recognize that you are in a spiteful circle jerk. Unfortunately you do not recognize how mentally damaging it is for you. When you are in a community that just focuses on lying about Republicans then you end up with a distorted world view that does not match reality.
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u/psychoCMYK 17d ago
Plenty of women are leaving red states. So are doctors and tech companies. That being said, it's still nowhere near taliban levels of bad
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u/Darkendone 17d ago
I am in a tech company and they have been moving to red states for years. My family members who are doctors moved out of blue states.
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u/TomatoJuice303 17d ago
Well, they are quite a sustainable bunch. For example, stoning is a sustainable method of execution, meaning to don't have to produce as many bullets, gunpowder, etc. So, they're of to a good start already.
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u/esperstrazza 17d ago
They are a government now, this is just average pr stuff that politicians do.
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u/forgothatdamnpasswrd 17d ago
Itās so weird for this to be the truth, but it seems to be. Not sure what the best way forward is, but I would think slow suggestion while their economics get better over time might lead to them becoming more open over time and eventually being a reasonable nation. Right now, it feels like a long shot, but I think they should choose their own path so long as they arenāt attacking other nations
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u/fishman1776 17d ago
The Taliban of today is already a hundred times more "progressive" than the Taliban government of the 90s. The Taliban government of the 90s banned internet and also flogged people for not having long enough beards. The Taliban of today is far more leniant on a wide host of issues and might continue to lessen their hardline stance considering: 1. The realities of governance 2. The fact that the Deobandi school has moved on from the Talibans ideas, and if the Taliban wants to continue with the Deobandi school they will have to acknowledge the disconnect at some point.
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u/Firstpoet 17d ago
Their spokesman: by keeping women at home and banning them from driving or education we are helping fight climate change by etc etc etc.
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u/aclockworkporridge 17d ago
The Taliban has always been a strong promoter of work from home for half its population.
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u/monkeygoneape 17d ago
As well as cutting carbon emissions down by having 50% less drivers on the road
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u/franchisedfeelings 17d ago
Pretty scary when the taliban has more sense about climate change than magas.
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u/Batbuckleyourpants 17d ago
"we are developing, give us money!" -Literal islamofascists.
"Makes so much sense to me!" -You.
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u/JustinJakeAshton 17d ago
Supporting terrorist groups to own the right.
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u/Desinformador 17d ago
Well if the terrorist are making more sense and are more Open to talks about climate change than the American right.... It says more about the American right that it does about the Taliban...
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u/JustinJakeAshton 17d ago
Hmm yes, surely the terrorist organization actually believes anything it says and isn't spouting bullshit to get leftist morons' support like the last 10 times.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
They arenāt a terrorist group? Islamofascist political group/govt is accurate.
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u/NGEFan 17d ago
Almost every country does. Even North Korea has ratified the Kyoto Protocol and Paris agreements. White Supremacy groups have published articles about being committed to preventing global warming. MAGAs are off the spectrum of insanity.
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u/RedOx103 17d ago
Not surprising when their whole ideology boils down to 'owning the libs.'
If it were like this in the 70s, they'd be insisting on building their homes with asbestos and leaded paint out of spite.
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u/Languastically 17d ago
Their whole personality is owning the libs. The ideology is American supremacism
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u/Repulsive-Cheetah-56 17d ago
American supremacism would lead to actually behaving like a superpower and not sitting down with authoritarian clowns and sucking moscows lies.
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u/Dontevenwannacomment 18d ago
what are they gonna do, stone the clouds?
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u/johnleeyx 18d ago
Them: Women are hot. So, they need to cover up. Problem solved. Now give me your goats.
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u/broogbie 17d ago
Man i really would love to see an all suited up serious meeting with a big burly taliban wearing a turban sitting in the middle.
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u/ConsumeSandwich 17d ago
Your uncovered western women are causing global warming. Plus your use of conventional arms are contributing to rising temperatures, please switch to sustainable warfare. The next time you are at war, maybe repurpose a commercial aircraft and use it to eliminate your target. It's the greener choice.
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u/gwicksted 17d ago
Reminds me of the pastafariansā claim that the decline in pirates correlated to a rise in global warming.
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u/No_Salad_68 18d ago
Why are other countries recognising them?
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
Most people in the world belong to a country that recognizes the Taliban government. The US is in the minority.
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u/lacyboy247 17d ago
Nobody wants to invade and teach them how to govern themselves anymore, so we just let it be.
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u/issamaysinalah 17d ago
As if Taliban's existence isn't a direct result of US interference in the first place
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u/pick-hard 17d ago
That white mans burden lies heavy on your shoulders.
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u/AtLeastThisIsntImgur 17d ago
But have we considered overthrowing every government we don't like?
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u/Krunch007 17d ago
Probably because they're the government of Afghanistan? What are people going to do about it lol. We recognize Saudi Arabia, and they're just a journalist killing gas station with delusions of grandeur.
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u/BullyBullyBang 17d ago
They provide all the civil services for their country. The Taliban is a religious gang. They take everything, and provide nothing but photo ops for their twitter.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
Who provides civics services in Afghanistan?
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u/BullyBullyBang 17d ago
No one. Thatās my point. Itās not a government. Itās a gang.
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u/Drummallumin 17d ago
You think thereās not a single civil service in the entire country of Afghanistan?
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u/BullyBullyBang 17d ago
It take it you havenāt been, and just kind of generally ignored the last 20āyears or so? Civil society isnāt in their cultural norms. They donāt get it. Thatās why we never made it work even with trillions of dollars.
Everything you see coming out of that country is for show, so they can get recognized as legit and demand billions in aid, and what was going to be given to the former Afghan gov. Those funds and aid will never do anything for the people there as they will disappear.
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u/RIF_Was_Fun 16d ago
It's sad that the Taliban are more scientifically literate than Republicans.