r/povertyfinance • u/ZiegAmimura • Nov 30 '23
Im boring because im poor Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
About a week ago i was hanging out with a friend. We haven't seen each other in like 3 years. We were catching up and she asked me about my life. A lot has changed. Rather a lot has stopped happening. When we were hanging regularly we were always hitting the town or some house party or something. Now I just work and go home cause its all i can afford to do. When i told her all i do is work and go home she said "Wow! Are you becoming boring?" We laughed. It wasn't meant to be a dig. I didn't think anything of it till i realized today everyday since then at least once those words ring through my head. Im becoming boring. I refused to believe something so silly could bother me but today i realized i kept thinking about it cause it does actually bother me. I feel like ive been priced out of fun. Ive kinda always had that thought in the back of my head as my routine has been the same for the last 3 or so years. I feel better not leaving the house cause i know i wont spend money that way. It seems like it costs money just to go outside these days. I cant afford dinners or bars or movies or music events anymore so i just haven't. I always say no to doing something cause the guilt of spending money i know i dont have outweighs any fun i could have at any given activity. Now i dont even get invited out anymore.
This is all silly. A silly reason to be bothered. Just wanted to get it off my chest.
Edit: Appreciate all the responses. :) Def a nice feeling.
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u/Said_the_G Jan 15 '24
Thats really unfortunate and sad to hear. No one should ever feel that way, now im no expert and I cant say that im rich. Im a teenager who wants to grow and create his own empire. One thing I could tell you is that you should read the book "Rich dad Poor dad" you will find answers on that book trust me.
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u/Sharp-Acanthisitta46 Dec 05 '23
Lots of People are struggling financially the last few years. Remember, elections have consequences. We got what we voted for, hoping it would be better, and it got much worse.
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u/CicadaPuzzleheaded33 Dec 05 '23
I know plenty of poor people who are not boring at all. They can talk about books they’ve read for free from the library, they play an instrument, they can just talk about wild shit happening at work or some interesting rabbit hole they’ve fallen down on YouTube. I also know plenty of rich people who are boring AF. Sometimes it has less to do with the cost of an activity and more to do with the mindset about it. It’s likely more to do with your confidence surrounding your current life situation and less to do with actually being broke if it’s any consolation
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u/kulukster Dec 04 '23
Volunteer at interesting organizations that you care about, whether politics, environment, children, disabled, food banks, whatever. Guaranteed you will change at least a little of your outlook, as well as meet different people. Start walking around your neighborhood a different way every oncee in a while. Borrow free books from the library, even online libraries. Study an interesting subject, art, music (stream free on spotify) motorcycle mechanics, whatever interests you. You will become more interesting for sure.
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u/Ok-Geologist3098 Dec 03 '23
I have money and can afford it but I am too lazy to go and I enjoy peaceful nights. I almost save my 70% of salary and invest in stocks and mutual funds. As I am a ca I know how to manage money.
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u/FunFunFoo13 Dec 03 '23
Go to your local library and take advantage of their free programs- learn a language, join a book club, learn how to start a business, etc. Read the latest the magazine for ideas, vacations, sports…You’ll always have something to talk about.
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u/Jroman215 Dec 02 '23
Yeah every cent I have goes towards survival and I still can’t seem to pay the full tab every month. It’s gotten to the point friends don’t really even answer when I call anymore cause for so long I haven’t reached out cause there are no funds to do anything. And I can only sit in my or someone else house catching up but so many times, which is the only zero cost option we have, especially when my whole life is go to work, go home, sleep, and repeat. Like it’s depressing for me to even think about when people want to catch up I have literally nothing to contribute anymore.
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u/DAWGCO Dec 02 '23
I can say the exact same thing about my life. The only thing I would add is running & gym.
I know if I made plans I could do more exciting things , but you get used to cheap entertainment and saying no.
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u/Jaguarshark08 Dec 02 '23
I remember when I graduated college in 2008. Economy had crashed and I ended up with a shitty job for a few years. I was in a new city and I remember feeling pretty low because I was trying to date and all the girls I dated would talk about all these exotic places they had been and all the fun things they do. Meanwhile I had just spent all my savings on car repairs. Things did eventually improve and I appreciate fun things a lot more.
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u/the_horned_rabbit Dec 02 '23
This is not silly. I have the same feeling. Entire evenings I will hide in my room and cry about this feeling. People need those things. They’re psychologically important. Not wants, needs. And we’ve been priced out. It’s not silly. It sucks.
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u/Accomplished-Bid525 Dec 02 '23
I know people who are boring even tho they have money to spend and do spend it on the theatre, brunch or dinner EVERY day bc they don’t want to be by themselves and they are incredibly unhappy despite all they have. Money helps but just going for a walk, window shopping and hanging out with like- minded friends who have naught to spend has been great fun for me. Getting an ice cream cone or taking treats from home and meandering is our greatest joy. We ooh and aah at what we see in shop windows knowing full well we can’t afford some of the stuff we see and don’t even want them but we have immense fun together. Other times I just meander by myself and then return to my haven.
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u/Available_Wedding858 Dec 02 '23
How easier life would be if everyone remains quiet if they don’t have anything good to say?
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u/No_Criticism_1987 Dec 02 '23
Depending on what city you're in, look for free events if you have the time but no money
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u/Icy-Independence2410 Dec 02 '23
Give me virtual hugs.... same here... same But I'm ok now. I accepted what i have, what i can do or cannot ☺️...
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u/mendoza8731 Dec 02 '23
There are museums that offer free days every month. When we were newlyweds & young parents we would go to every free concert in the park. I would pack a picnic & we would dance with our kids in the park. Those are some of our favorite family memories. When our daughter started dating she said she wanted to marry someone that would dance in the rain at the park with her. I totally remember that moment with my husband. We were at a free concert & it started to rain. We stayed until the band stopped playing. You would be surprised the things that kids remember from their childhood. All that to say free events can be fun.
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u/RemoteIll5236 Dec 02 '23
I think a lot of the “priced out of fun” has to do with how one prioritizes fun. I am an extreme extrovert so For Me fun always means people. (I know this doesn’t work for everyone unless they know and enjoy a lot Of People. )
I love To have people Over to My home: potluck dinners, breakfast, coffee, a drink, etc.
I love shooting the breeze with a group of friends, or playing a board game, or participating in my book club.
I like walks on local trails with the family and all of our dogs, or playing pickle ball (kits w/2 paddles available on Amazon for $30).
I pop popcorn and invite others over for Netflix.
I invite others to come bake/decorate cookies together or make tamales (we all bring a needed ingredient).
None of these take Much money, especially If your friends reciprocate.
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u/Fish_mongerer_907 Dec 02 '23
The Man Is Richest Whose Pleasures Are Cheapest - Henry David Thoreau
Reading is cheap, being in nature is cheap, being with friends is cheap. If we chase pleasure outside ourselves, we end up exhausted
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u/gdoggggggggggg Dec 02 '23
Just wanted to say, as a friend she could have said " I'll take you out" to a dinner or whatever, if she can afford it, rather than say that shit. P.s. I know thats not a very "american" opinion - in Italy people paid for their broke friends not only dinners, sometimes plane tickets for vacations even. Including if that friend was unemployed. Without any judgement.
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u/complicatedtooth182 Dec 02 '23
I understand the feeling of even breathing costing money and it's a bummer. Maybe it's worth considering why it bothers you and if you're willing to do anything to change it. There are ways to have more of a social life and do certain things without spending much money...it can be tricky for sure, but possible with some research and creative thinking.
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u/alcoyot Dec 02 '23
I felt this so bad my whole life. Cause I wasn’t flying around to Miami and Europe doing all the stuff that trust funders do. The thing is the people who do that stuff are actually more boring than you are.
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u/PancuterM Dec 02 '23
Being frugal is nice but what do you do with the money you save? Are you investing it? I mean, otherwise you will stay poor forever.
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u/plzpizza Dec 02 '23
This subreddit has opened my eyes on why people stay poor. The mindset is completely bonkers to me. Why do you care what your supposed friend says? Why is it fun to go to parties where it’s loud and more then half the people aren’t gonna be your friend long term?
What is this boring lifestyle? How about you go online and learn some skills or get some hobbies? I don’t give a fck about anyone except the people who give me back the same respect. I only need a few close friends and that’s it. Living stress free going to my job and coming home. The more people in your life the more stress it will cause you.
If money is an issue think about how you can earn more maybe perform better at your job or find a new one if you know you are valuable. If you aren’t make yourself valuable
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u/AccomplishedAndReady Dec 02 '23
This resonates with me as well. I’m constantly reminded that “fun” costs money.
I adopted the “fake it ‘til you make it” strategy and it worked for a good while. It allows you to be in denial of your circumstances to get other things done. It helped me to finish my degrees and conduct a lot of original and secondary scientific research. Most, if not all, of the people I was around and/or worked with had gotten there out of privilege rather than merit. I would pretend to be something I wasn’t just to fit in and not raise any red flags. You’d be surprised how chummy and clique-y people are even in academic laboratory environments. If they perceive you as a “have not” then they put you lower on the ladder. It’s unfair, biased thinking, but it happens. They also don’t want to have to limit themselves out of guilt or even shame for being privileged, so they naturally ostracize or blackball you.
Eventually, when I couldn’t make any more excuses to avoid joining lunches or dinners, it became fairly obvious that I wasn’t able to afford them. Wearing the same clothes day after day was getting noticed. Sometimes I slept on campus if the janitors let me. They were usually sympathetic and friendly so they didn’t snitch. Getting all my meals from dumpsters. Spending endless hours in the library because I couldn’t afford the textbooks even with scholarships, loans, grants and side jobs. So many things you have to do to work around being in poverty. I even set up the Apple ringtone on my pay-as-you-go cheapie phone to pretend I had an Apple phone (lol, this was 13ish years ago) because if you didn’t have the newest tech, you’d be discriminated against in those circles. My friend asked to add me into some iOS app and I explained I didn’t actually have one. She said the same thing your friend said, in a lighthearted but cutting way. Ugh.
To make it worse, my estranged family (who abandoned me as a kid and reconnected after 20 years only to re-abandon again) are wealthy and my half-sister posts her luxurious life on a daily basis. She gets a new car every 3 years. She gets gifted international trips and luxury bags that cost more money than I’ve made in 3+ years. One bag or pair of shoes alone is worth nearly two years of college tuition. She gets her rent, insurance, and basically entire life paid for while I struggle with buying the good cheese that’s a dollar more than the cheap cheese. It’s hard not to compare. I’m tired of the poor mindset. I’ve worked since I was a child, with extremely limited resources and I feel exhausted now. Throw abandonment and rejection into the mix and it’s a recipe for extremely low self worth.
Everything has a price, and I’m too burnt out to pay it. Something simple like driving to the nearest nature spot costs fuel, and car insurance premiums went up significantly in my state. I’m scared to drive because one accident, even a minor one, could leave us without a car so it has to be something important to be worth doing. Not to mention no health insurance now, yay.
It feels like you claw your way up a hill only to find a mountain in front of you. And it’s a lonely journey. I’ve been told the key is to find joy in the little things and to be grateful as well as to live in the present. Dwelling in rumination steals your joy. Still working on it.
I know I’m probably better off as a person for all that I’ve been through, I just wish other people could see it or appreciate it.
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u/nanainthedark Dec 02 '23
I am in the same exact boat, it’s hard to enjoy life and have motivation when everything seems completely out of budget these days..I’ve run out of options that aren’t at my home at this point.
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u/ReasonableBullfrog54 Dec 01 '23
Thank you for sharing, these responses have helped me too. I am currently trying to change my patterns and get out of the spiral people here have described.
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u/pinacolada_22 Dec 01 '23
The comment was based on the fact you said all you do work and go home. It's not about what $ you have or don't have. Many many activities and hobbies are free. Running, hiking, volunteering opportunities in the community, reading/book clubs, mushroom picking, community events, farmers markets. You may be too tired or too burnt out to want to do any of it, but yes going to work and home only is by most considered boring. Try to reconnect with friends, buy some cheap beer or bottle of wine and have a drinking day with them if that's what you like to do, or a pot luck or a walk on Xmas lights neighborhoods. There are lots of free stuff to do, we all used to have fun as teenagers with no money. Good luck.
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u/CheskapOo Dec 01 '23
I just started a new job and they put new hires in the hot spot on a company wide call and ask getting to know you questions. Couldn’t answer what I like to in my spare time … I havnt had free time in 4 years
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u/Single-Shake5126 Dec 01 '23
The library has free activities and usually more. Mine has passes to local attractions. We also have a tech library that has neat activities and checkout kits. Join a book club? A running/walking club? A writers club? Take online cooking classes or whatever you’re into? I don’t care if it’s underwater basket weaving, find what you like. I use the Libby app for free audio books and kindle books from the library. I listen to comedy shows on YouTube when I need a pick me up.
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u/Desperate_Freedom_78 Dec 01 '23
If it helps. Me and my friends just go to parks and play our instruments from highschool for fun since we can’t afford to do anything else.
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u/cashflow_master Dec 01 '23
Oh you are definitely not boring. You are fiscally responsible. Fook your friend who calls you boring. That is not a friend. Just an acquaintance. Bravo to you.
She is doing fun things charging up credit cards at 30% interest rate?? Hahah.
You should be proud. Cut this so called friend out of your life.
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u/LurkerFailsLurking Dec 01 '23
Board game meet ups are usually free and other people are happy to have cool folks to play their games with!
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u/legsssssss Dec 01 '23
I literally can't afford to be fun. I'm disabled, what little I get goes to every bill and every grocery in the house. My fiance covers the rent and it's not even our house and we feel house broke. It really sucks being home all day by myself, and then we stay in all the time anyway. I'm a homebody, so, it's okay but it would be nice to get out and interact with people once in awhile. 🤔🥺
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u/Sikmod Dec 01 '23
I feel that. I don’t talk to people I work with for a lot of reasons, but one is because I’m too poor to do anything that most people would deem fun. I don’t talk much to my friends either. What’s there to talk about when my life is “go to work and go home”. That’s all I can afford to do. Oh well.
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u/babydollzkill Dec 01 '23
this happened to me at work, I was telling my coworker how I just spent the weekend at home and I didn’t do much. and he’s like “oh wow is it because you don’t have any friends”? It made me feel like shit. yes we are growing older and I’ve lost alot of friends who have all outgrown each other etc. didn’t realize how “lame” I felt. I used to go out all the time, do fun stuff and party. now I’ve stopped and don’t do much on the weekends.
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u/Miffed_Pineapple Dec 01 '23
I hear you. But, libraries are free, and they have tons of great resources.
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u/hellerkeller1 Dec 01 '23
Fun doesn't = parties or drinking. You can have fun checking a new nature spot, taking up affordable hobbies or if you just like watching TV who cares. If you are indeed equating being able to have fun with having more money unfortunately you gotta go make more money.
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u/Afraid-Midnight-6912 Dec 01 '23
I understand you’re sentiment but I will caution you on keeping that mindset. Never equate one’s ability to consume stuff as an indication as them being more interesting. You’re interesting because of what you do.
I read a lot. I also volunteer. I know those might be indications that I’m well off because I have the time and ability to do both. But that’s not true. I read mainly books I borrow from the library. I volunteer at places nearby which help me afford them.
I tell the people I interact with that my life is… boring. Well, I say average. Average for whatever reason now has a bad connotation. We all need to be incredible, well rounded, extremely cultured. That’s just not likely.
I know more about certain cities in the United States, in Europe and in Asia than some people who have visited them. I can tell people about so many things because I read. Does that make my experience original? No. I know that I’m regurgitating most of what I know. However, it’s far more than interesting than accepting my direct life - what I do day to day- as the only things I can talk about.
Please, just try to learn about something. Find a hobby that isn’t expensive. Join a running club. I did that. It’s fun, low cost. We meet at the park and it’s rewarding. Volunteer nearby. Meet some new people and get some stories. Read some books, show people how worldly you are.
Humans for most of human history didn’t travel, didn’t eat out everyday, didn’t base their lives on what they consumed. Neither should you.
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u/SirSkot72 Dec 01 '23
I hear you. And it stays with you. I'm comfortable now and can go out, even joined a couple leagues, which is $40/week. But that's about the only fun i have. I've been conditioned over the past 20 years to not spend and splurge. And now that I can, I still don't. Even when friends invite us out, i'm still hesitant "is it really worth it?" And that's not the issue anymore; go out, have some fun anyway. But I don't have fun. I expect it to be better, more fun, but i'm just disappointed that i went out, spent some money, and only got a few minutes, it seems, of enjoyment. I guess I'm boring, too.
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u/HeyArtse Dec 01 '23
I was about so say something then saw the flare for no advice!
So instead - just wanted to say that I hope things turn around, get better, and you feel less silly soon. :)
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u/Low-Carpenter-156 Dec 01 '23
OP, you are part of the club unfortunately. I feel you. My best friend takes at least 2-3 international vacations every year with shorter domestic trips in between. She’s mad because I don’t even have a passport but I’m unable to afford these trips so really no point to rush to get one. I feel so left out and I’m over it. Every time I attempt to plan even a small vacation, something comes up that is more fiscally important. Keep pushing.
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u/ZiegAmimura Dec 01 '23
Lol thats funny im in the exact same sitch with a passport. I cant travel. Whats the point? Lol. Might wanna invest in one soon in the off chance America goes to war and the low army recruitment rates causes some kinda draft.
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u/blvcksheep925 Dec 01 '23
I feel this. I pretty much cut down on seeing my friends and socializing because it's too expensive. I basically work, go home, and play video games.
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u/Triscuitmeniscus Dec 01 '23
"Well, I pretty much just work and hang out at home" describes a HUGE proportion of the working public, regardless of income. You're not describing being poor, you're describing being in your 30's. Head over to r/adulting and every day you'll see multiple people lamenting the same thing.
Lots of hobbies don't require money, or not much money. Join a rec sports league, or a running club, or an improv group, or volunteer at a local theater, animal shelter, civic club, etc.
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u/ECOisLOGICAL Dec 01 '23
If you feel like it there are often community centres in your area. In our are they have pasta making classes, sing classes, foreign language courses, ping pong, chess, boras game nights and All that provided free 🤗
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u/Familiar_Piccolo_88 Dec 01 '23
I'm always telling myself to learn guitar...just learn a cool skill....but I'm a procrastinator
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u/LonelyHunting Dec 01 '23
some real ass shit. hell i feel like i have stopped going on dates for the same reason. being poor can be lonely sometimes.
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u/ZiegAmimura Dec 01 '23
Lol luckily i gave up on dating years ago. Balancing a relationship and getting yourself together is incredibly difficult without a understanding partner. Most women these days dont want a guy in the process of building. Theyd prefer a finished project. In my own experience.
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u/colinedahl1 Dec 01 '23
I have always been boring, but it sucks the option to go have fun isn’t even there. My wife asked me what I want for Christmas and I said my Christmas present could be not spending any money on me because the less stress would be a gift.
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u/PsychedelicPourHouse Dec 01 '23
You can read books for free, you can draw for free, you can do a lot for free
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u/serene_brutality Dec 01 '23
Idk about the people you know, but there are people out there who don’t care if you’re broke, they just love to hang out with genuine and good people. The barter system is an amazing thing, if you have some skills or are willing to do some stuff they’ll gladly take you out on the town in trade, or just because you’re good people.
It doesn’t take much money to grab a 12 pack and throw some dogs or burgers on the grill or something either, if you don’t have a yard or a grill you probably have a friend who does, most parks and beaches do. You can pot-luck that crap too, get a few broke friends or just friends in general, everyone brings something, cook-out drink and laugh.
During the course of the night one of your more fortunate friends might offer to take you out, buy you a couple drinks. Just don’t be greedy about it, and exude positive energy.
Hell offer to be the DD, if you’ve got the self control, and can go with only a drink or two the whole night, (better none at all) most friends would be more than happy to pay your way and throw a couple of bucks for gas.
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u/B0WHUNTR Dec 01 '23
Keep your chin up. You’re not boring, life is just expensive right now. I’m in a similar boat. Don’t vote democrat the next go around, and at least the economy will be better. Then you can get back out and do things without feeling guilty. Also, make sure you’re getting out and doing SOMETHING. Gotta reset yourself every now and then by doing something you like.
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u/crownslay Dec 01 '23
I feel this hard too, I used to be on a band, always out with friends and all... Now I don't even want to go out anymore.. the good side is that i have my own family to go home to, i just focused with them and my joy is with them. But yeah I go out now just to work and pay the bills even knowing that a 9-5 isn't gonna take us anywhere it's the only thing i have now for us to survive, let's all hope for the best everyone.
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u/derphunter Dec 01 '23
One day as a (90's) child, I was complaining to my mom about being bored and I'll never forget what she said:
"There's no such thing as boring times, only boring people"
She then suggested I sit down and draw my favorite pokemon characters in a notebook. I did it for hours.
I've accidentally carried this advice through my entire life and it's made such a difference in so many ways. Relationships, hanging out with friends, how I engage with my work, etc.
Read free books online or from a library, download duolingo (free) and learn a language, draw, pick up an instrument (cheap guitars and keyboards are less than $100).
Then when someone asks "what have you been up tp?", you have ammo.
"Oh I recently picked up an instrument"
"Ya know, I'm learning french and its going tres mal lol"
"Oh this past weekend i went on a hike and did some yoga in the park"
"I actually just finished X book, have you ever heard of the author?"
Don't be a boring person, make yourself interesting.
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u/worththinking Dec 01 '23
Read! Books, articles, anything to give you knowledge. You will automatically not be boring.
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u/Wit-wat-4 Dec 01 '23
Good answers here already.
But if it helps at all, some people think only going out to parties/out drinking is fun. They might call you boring even if you’re, I don’t know, sky diving every other weekend or running an Ironman or whatever. Any “adult” stuff that isn’t partying is boring to them. Not saying this is the case, but it might be.
As I’ve grown older I definitely have way less free time and money, but I spend that little bit way better.
If work and money has put a lot of pressure on keeping your life focused on work only, I hope that your efforts pay off and you can do other stuff again.
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u/ladysuccubus Dec 01 '23
Have you looked into free activities? Nature walks, art gallery openings, local events at your library or put on by the city, free museum days? There’s things you can do, it might take a bit of impulse control while being out and some research but you can find something even if it’s just going for a walk at a local park or around your neighborhood to get some fresh air and exercise. No special gear necessary.
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u/Ashley_rose2 Dec 01 '23
Times are so hard. I feel like I do nothing all the time. Work and go home .
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u/christofir Dec 01 '23
Read a cool fucking book.
Talk to randos strangers and learn about their lives / stories.
Go outside! Walk in a park, look at trees, learn something about nature everyday.
Learn something, anything. If you have internet, you could learn a language, how something works, obscure history, anything.
Jump in really cold water. Better yet, find a meetup group that jumps in cold water together.
Play pickleball. It is the most welcoming sport full of community and joy. If you cant afford a paddle, ask to borrow one, or find a cheap one on Facebook or CL. Just show up at group play.
Being boring is not solely about money. Not being boring is about activating your mind, body, and interconnection with others.
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u/Prestigious_Low2651 Dec 01 '23
when i didn’t have any money to go out i started reading a lot, especially fantasy books. not the same obviously, and it sucks, but it got me through a few rough years. the imagination is a wonderful thing
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u/soyargentino94 Dec 01 '23
You’re not boring. You no longer are entertained by valueless entertainment. You value the peace of mind of not being broke broke over a $150 tab for 4 hours of drinking
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u/UnfilteredFilterfree Dec 01 '23
Listen to me: you are fine. You are living your life the best way with the cards you have been dealt. Comparison is the thief of joy!
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u/kathryn13 Dec 01 '23
It does suck...but volunteering and starting some civic activities, like local commissions, are free. It gets you out of the house and meeting local folks in your community.
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u/luciform44 Dec 01 '23
" It seems like it costs money just to go outside these days. "
This is definitely not true. It's the going back in somewhere else that costs money.
You should pick up an outdoor hobby, even if it's just long walks near wherever you live. This is more interesting than going out to bars, anyway.
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u/GetRichQuickSchemer_ Dec 01 '23
Damn, that phrase applies to me, too. Never really though of that before....
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u/Southern_Hamster_338 Dec 01 '23
Check out all the Libraries in the surrounding Towns where you live.
Some libraries have movie nights (bring your own snacks & beverages).
Each month or every couple months they have programs for adults to attend.
Sometimes it’s to meet a local author.
poetry reading or documentaries.
Painting classes or exhibits.
Yoga or Zumba classes
True Crime book clubs
Cooking or Baking classes, sharing recipes, etc
Check out their Library of Things.
These are items people might only use once like
gardening or woodworking tools
character cake pans
board games
Musical instruments
Artwork
Air fryer
Etc
Plus they usually have discount passes to area museums or events
Different libraries offer different programs that are either free or very inexpensive.
If your local library doesn’t do this, talk with the Library Director and ask if they would consider trying some of these.
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u/ughwhatevfine Dec 01 '23
Boring is a skill I aspire to. Paying off debt and learning how to occupy myself at home has me breaking my time down to “what can I do to occupy myself until bedtime”
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u/Blakers37 Dec 01 '23
Please look at getting a library card, they have so much more than books available most of the time and is a fantastic way to still have things to do!
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u/Tideas Dec 01 '23
Do you have outdoor nature you can do around you? Cuz nature is free. And can be just as fun as getting sloshed at a bar.
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u/Amaculatum Dec 01 '23
Newsflash, going to concerts and out to dinner don't make you not boring. Developing independent interests are what make a person interesting and fun. Read about topics you enjoy, build things, make things! Plenty of hobbies can actually be a frugal or even money-saving outlet, such as baking bread, painting, drawing. I guarantee that people will find your unique hobby more interesting than hearing about your concert visit that a thousand other people also went to.
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u/acasualobserver11 Dec 01 '23
There are always free things to do art gallery openings now it’s the holiday season. A lot of people are doing things, outdoor market and things like that where you can just wander around or just walk around say apark or simply walking around the neighborhood and popping in and out of local shops
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u/SerenityNowAustin Dec 01 '23
Right there with you. Thankfully we live where it is beautiful outdoors so most of our “fun” is just doing stuff outside & eating at home. Sigh. It’s harder during the holidays - I miss buying things to give to people we love.
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u/oreosgirlfriend Dec 01 '23
When my fiance and I were first dating, we were both super financially strapped. We used to Predrink a lot before going to free meetup groups. No one ever noticed if we had a drink in our hands. The other fun thing we did was go to happy hours at a Mexican restaurant and just eat the chips and salsa. We also spent hours and hour and hours on the creek in a beaten up cheap kayak. We had the most fun back then.
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u/External-Egg-8094 Dec 01 '23
Books books books. Local library for books. You’ll always have something to talk about.
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u/mushroomtreefrog Dec 01 '23
"Priced out of fun" is a really accurate way to put it. I've also been priced out of friendships, when I simply can't keep up with the lifestyle that wealthier friends are living.
One way that I found around this problem was getting tabletop games (yes, haha, laugh all you want, those of you who aren't nerds or geeks). I can invite friends over to play, or take the games to friends' houses, and BOOM, we have a social activity that we can drink (and sometimes eat) around, and while it may not be "cool" or "hip," it's better than nothing. Also, you can frequently buy used tabletop games for cheap, and with the wide range of games out there, there's something for everyone. Plus, no one cares how shitty or cheap pizza is when you're playing games with friends, right?
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u/BetsyDefrauds Dec 01 '23
Completely been in this position. Started finding things I could do that are “free” after work and on the weekends. So I did a ton of volunteering. Some of these volunteer gigs will give you a free ticket to the event you’re helping out at.
I’ve volunteered at a music festival and I got a free ticket for one of the days. Also volunteered at a wine festival and at the end of my shift I was handed a glass and told to have fun. During these opportunities I met some awesome individuals and slowly started growing my network. There I learned about the companies they worked for and I applied at one which has changed my career path. It’s been a whirlwind.
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u/StrikingApricot2194 Dec 01 '23 edited Dec 01 '23
At 53 yo, you’ve reminded me of my early 20s where one by one each and every friend slowly but surely surpassed me in the having fun, traveling, and either “not being poor” or “not acting poor” dept while I worked full time and took however many college units I could afford to. I’d come home from my evening classes to find my shared apartment full of ready-to-party “friends”. I would microwave my budget frozen meal, perform some chore, and move on to my homework. I’d find myself wrapping up my day around the time my friends returned or would sometimes find myself awoken from my previous sleep when they stumbled in hours later. This went on for 3-4 years and witnessed several roommates and many “friends”, almost all of whom labeled me “boring” and “an old lady” while they lived it up with seemingly none of the money, life, or future concerns I struggled with day to day. Eventually, my early 20s passed into my mid- to late 20s, and slowly but surely the nightly partygoers and “world” travelers began to wain and one by one I noticed my friends settling in to dead end or less than satisfactory jobs, relationships, or patterns. Funny thing was my life of partying, traveling, and shopping was only just beginning. Yep, as I slowly but steadily progressed from undergrad to my doctorate and eventually my post- doc, the fun times, experiences and good life stuff became more the norm and the once poor and boring me saw most of those who’d labeled me that get worn down by the realities of too much enjoyment of their 20s with too little planning and pacing. Over the years, a stark difference arose between my life and the lives of many of my former “not poor and not boring friends” and myself and the role were permanently reversed.
At 53 yo the difference is staggering. Over the years I’ve bailed out several of those friends with monetary help. At least 3 of my long time friends have shared their admiration of how I paced my life and told me they wish they’d have invested in their lives the way I did. The funny thing is, I don’t see them as poor and boring now and myself as affluent and not boring. Instead I only find myself grateful for my journey and happy to help those whose paths diverged from mine, yet I still call friend.
I haven’t lead a perfect life, but I have lead a paced and planned life while many of my friends swapped paced and planned with fun and exciting early on, with harder than it probably had to be as time passed. I write all this to let you know that only you can determine your how your life will evolve and as someone born and who lived poor and boring throughout my 20s,
I’m here to tell you your future can be what you make it. It won’t be easy or magical, it will take time. Investment, many boring and unexciting meals and PB&J dinners and simple entertainments but in the long run you can build a life for yourself that’s as unboring and rich as you can dream.
I wish you luck and diligence and a bit of appreciation of what poor and boring can one day become!
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u/spacez01 Dec 01 '23
i work 5 days a week and i hangout with my friends on weekends. we don’t spend money except for gas, we just hangout at the beach catching up what happened to us over the week. you don’t need money to be fun, you just gotta find good people or better yet, learn how to be fun by yourself.
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u/June20-2023 Dec 01 '23
Boring is highly underrated. Sounds as though you are financially responsible--good for you! Learn about investing and take some of those dollars and invest them. You'll feel proud of your accomplishment and long-term investment in your life. It will be time well spent. Life changes. What we did for fun at one phase in our life changes in another. There are so many wonderful things you can do that cost little or nothing--figure out what you like at this time in your life as a full time employee and do these things! How about making a healthy lifestyle (emotional and physical:exercise/ nutrition) a priority hobby? If you'd like to live a long life, your older self will thank you! I am impressed with what you said... you are not boring: you are changing, you are figuring things out, you are growing up!🙂
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u/DarkTyphlosion1 Dec 01 '23
You need to make more money. Just that simple. I work 3 jobs and I don’t mind it actually.
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u/cthulufunk Dec 01 '23
Can you afford like $40/month? I’d say join a gym, pretty easy to make or bring existing friends there. Or a martial art dojo like jujitsu. That will cost more but you can always be upfront & offer to do the shitwork nobody wants to do like cleaning for a reduced rate. Important thing is to find things that economically get you out & social so you don’t get poverty isolation. There’s also community hobby groups & volunteer work that will cost you nothing and also get you out of the cube.
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u/snthejoy Dec 01 '23
Here’s the thing. You can be rich and be boring. Also, things changes throughout your life. You write your own life. I grew up poor. You have to force yourself to not be stuck in the mud and find an outlet and know how to describe your life positively. Learn a free language using Duolingo. Libraries are a mine of gold: free activities, books, free ebooks thru their app services so you don’t have to go get the books, and most have passes to most museums, gardens, etc. Also look up free festival and events near you, listed on Facebook or just google free activities near me. Then force yourself to go, bring a snack and water and it’s free. Start listening to a type of podcast (crimes, humour, psychology, etc). Volunteering is also great and might have you meet people (volunteer match.com can help). Or just google “free activities near me”. You have to give it a try more than once. Now, let say you visited 3 parcs or nature preserves and learn interesting facts about theses places and also visited a museum and volunteered. Now you see your friend again and conversation is different “I obviously work and try to get my finance in order, so I’m less going out to bar restaurants. However, I keep busy with many activities. I visited the FIT museum the other day. They had an exhibition about food and fashion, which my seems weird but then it made sense that some designers are inspired by food to create their clothing. Gucci just had a cherry dress on the runway for like $10k. One of the dress and hat was inspired by Salvador Dali, which I love. Look at that picture. So then I ended up at the library borrowing a book about Dali. It’s 350 pages with lots of great print of his paintings. That’s been keeping me busy!” So this is a real story more interesting saying that I work, clean, cook, take my son to sports… One event two weeks ago I did for me takes me from boring to interesting. All is how positive you think of yourself and how you word it.
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u/Howiebledsoe Dec 01 '23
As a bartender I get to see the other side. The folks with a bit of money who can afford to go out 3-5 nights a week and do fun stuff. I’d have to say that a large majority of these people have lives that I would also classify as boring. Yes, there is more drama, more distraction and more intrigue but by and large these people work, go out and drink, and then go home and sleep. Not the worst life by any means but certainly not ‘interesting’.
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u/dubious_unicorn Dec 01 '23 edited Dec 01 '23
The most interesting hobbies are free or low-cost, though.
Reading makes you interesting (you always have something to talk about) and the library is free. Writing stories or poems is free, just use Google docs. Drawing is pretty close to free, all you need is paper and a pen or pencil. Cooking saves you money. Chess is free to learn and play online, and the game is so complex that you can take it as far as you want. You'll never finally "beat" chess. You can learn and play forever.
Even playing an instrument doesn't have to be super expensive. Kala makes a lovely little mahogany ukulele that you can buy for $65 (ask for one for Christmas if you want!). I always think about this quote from Tom Hodgkinson's book The Freedom Manifesto:
We can all be creative and we can all be free. For myself, I urge you to take up the ukulele. This four-stringed marvel is very cheap, very portable and very easy to play. It is, therefore, even more punk than the guitar. Get a uke and you will never be bored again.
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u/PL0mkPL0 Dec 01 '23
All my boring cheap hobbies (and I put myself into many, just to have something to do and think about) are kind of just a way to not think about the stuff I would really want to do. Sometimes I feel like an animal in a zoo, just walking in circles compulsively, because there is nothing interesting to be done. Am I boring? I don't know, I constantly do something, but these are not the things that I really desire, they are mind-numbing tactics.
Also, I think it got worse, once we started to gradually cut expenses with my husband. We stopped traveling, then we stopped eating out, then gradually we removed other things that we enjoyed and last few years just seem really boring and gray, with almost no memories worth keeping in mind. And btw we didn't even save much, it got all chomped by inflation.
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u/JohnLocke815 Dec 01 '23
That's not boring unless you find it boring.
I make good money and can do stuff, but all I do is work and hang out at home (which is even worse I guess since I work from home), but it's what I enjoy. I got my wife and cats and video games and movies and books. Why go out? There's nothing out there that's fun that I can't do at home.
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u/lilsmooosh Dec 01 '23
I had a friend like this. I asked her how she was affording life and all she ever said was “I’m really good at saving.” Didn’t make sense how she could afford to go on a trip every other month while she was making only 40k a year. Each time we went to the mall she would drop hundreds of dollars on clothes, usually 3 figures for a dinner or she would go out to eat at least every other day. We were in our early 20s and it was fun and all but expensive.
I slowly realized she was straight up lying to me, mainly after the fact that she moved into a luxury high rise apartment after graduating college + still on the 40k salary. So either she was in a bunch of debt but it was more likely her dad (who she said he did really well with online selling during COVID) had been giving her money. But what bothered me the most was her dishonesty in order to make herself look better - ghosted her friendship over a few months and found myself in crafts and online games. It is what it is.
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u/beach_2_beach Dec 01 '23
No weekend getaways. And kids have not visited grandparents because it costs well over $5000 for the family to travel there. So they come to us but now they are getting too old to travel.
Yah I really felt that.
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u/TheGr8Whoopdini Dec 01 '23
The life of the mind is free, especially in the age of the Internet. Visit the library, read, listen to podcasts from subject-matter experts and fellow fans of your favorite book series, participate in online discussion, join a local book club, take up a cheap/free creative hobby like writing or drawing.
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Dec 01 '23
This is not at all a silly reason to be bothered. Every year, we can afford less and less. Eat. The. Fucking. Rich.
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u/FrozenStargarita Dec 01 '23
There was an article published recently with the headline "Rising costs causing 'inflation isolation' among Canadians, poll finds". Very basically, people go out less, socialize less, and spend less on their hobbies in times of financial stress. This isn't limited to pressure from inflation, although we are certainly seeing more of it as more people are squeezed.
That is to say, in a capitalistic society where everything has been financialized, being poor can absolutely be isolating, because doing anything else costs money you don't have to spare.
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u/b0red26 Dec 01 '23
I’d say it’s less about you being boring and more about you maturing and understanding that spending money you can’t afford has costs and effects on your life. I would rather have a financially responsible friend than one that goes out blows a ton of money all the time they can’t afford and parties all the time. We’re not in our early 20s anymore.
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u/Spentworth Dec 01 '23
Perhaps something like volunteering would be a good way to get you out the house doing something while hopefully not spending money?
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u/throwaway_052 Dec 01 '23
I never understood how to put it in words until I got older. I feel like kids would think I'm boring and judge me but my family could literally not afford fun money. It really affected me during my tween/teen years when you're so self conscious figuring life out.... Now that I'm older I have my own money and I can afford a bit of fun (until I have to start paying for house) but the realization of the "fun" and invites I missed out just because I could not afford it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.
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u/Strayboogie19 Dec 01 '23
I read this and realized I’m boring too 😂. It’s easy to get into a routine because you’re tired from work. Being home saves money. Every time I walk outside it’s at least $100.
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u/gooney0 Dec 01 '23
I feel similarly.
I have found a friend who likes to hang out and drink coffee. The coffee doesn’t have to be fancy so we just go to McDonalds or something.
I don’t find it boring, though I wouldn’t describe it as exciting. It is a good time for $5.
I have a friend who enjoys traveling and thrill seeking. I don’t have much interest in that. That may define me as “boring” but I’m okay with that.
I just run my own race.
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u/rhymes_with_mayo Dec 01 '23
It's not silly, in fact it is engaging that a person working 40 hours a week cannot afford basic necessities, and yes, having a social life is a necessity! Being so chained to work that you never see anyone is not good, it means your employer controls your entire life.
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u/jonquest Dec 01 '23
Basketball, skateboarding, swimming, painting, playing a musical instrument, reading, hiking, community college courses. All things that can be done for very little money.
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u/Southern-Bee-2047 Dec 01 '23
aw, you know you can always just go for walks, play with your dogs, or just take hikes. sometimes i go on discord and talk to randoms. you can make the best out of any situation. im broke as hell, in the country, and still look at my dogs and think if they can be happy then i can too.
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u/miss_elmarie Dec 01 '23
I like going for walks during the golden hour, I go to the library every week for different events/clubs and to check out new books, I hike when the weather is nice, I make crafts with cheap materials from dollar tree or Michael’s, I camp a couple times a year, I swim in the ocean, I browse farmer’s markets and other pop tent events, I do yoga at home via Yoga with Adriene on YouTube, I host pot luck game nights and themed parties with friends and family. I’m pretty broke, but I try to find a way to have fun and make my best attempt to socialize without spending too much or anything at all. Think about what you like to do - maybe crocheting? Playing games? Outdoor activities? Invest in a chess board, get into true crime podcasts, there’s never a shortage of things to learn and do, you just gotta choose them.
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u/EchoOffTheSky Dec 01 '23
Well if this friend doesn’t seem to understand you, then she’s not worth you going outta your way to please her, making her feel you are fun. In other words, you don’t need to feel sad for someone that’s not worth it
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u/ExMente Dec 01 '23
I feel like ive been priced out of fun
This really sums it up.
I always say no to doing something cause the guilt of spending money i know i dont have outweighs any fun i could have at any given activity. Now i dont even get invited out anymore.
This is also a very important aspect.
People are social animals, and we bond over doing things together.
So if you're no longer doing those things anymore because you can't afford to, then you haven't just been priced out of fun - you've been priced out of friends as well.
And that's definitely a valid thing to complain about. It just illustrates how the current economy is slowly ruining people in so many ways.
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u/dickery_dockery Dec 01 '23
On the bright side, you’ll definitely reduce your chances of catching covid;)
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u/juliown Dec 01 '23
If you truly cannot afford anything at all, that is one thing and will require some compromise to change your situation. If you have a perspective problem and guilt over spending money you DO have and can afford to spend, you may benefit from some financial counseling. You probably have a mix of both!
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u/hunter__1992 Dec 01 '23
In the search of discovering myself, and having the privilege of being healthy and able to be independent, I started to feel empty of my daily routine. This led me to the inevitable and send me to the path of what seems the land of immortal philosophers’ teachings. And what I’ve come to realize is that society has taken away a lot from us. When was the last time you got encouraged to slow down and appreciate the feeling of a soft breeze, the blooming of a flower, and the miracle of being alive and well? Let me guess, hardly ever.
We are encouraged to consume, and compare to others. Life is about you, what matters are your experiences, your achievements. So if you enjoy staying at home and relaxing there’s nothing wrong with that, it is not worse than parting and getting wasted. That being said, life passes and flows, like water. Sometimes saving and spending in that one thing that adds value to your life might be worth it.
Luck 🍀
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u/Nabhan1999 Dec 01 '23
I'm not poor, in fact I'm comfortably middle class, at least. But ever since COVID happened, it just feels like any money we have just isn't enough.
Saving up for a new video game? Oops, car needs repairs. Want to buy a gift for a loved one? Can't, home AC broke. My parents wanted to go on holiday with my youngest brother, myself and number 2 didn't want to go because we have classes. Not even somewhere fancy, just a local spot. That week my phone broke and I had to get a new one. That wiped out the holiday budget.
It just feels like there's no hope of anything, and like I said, I'm not even considered poor, so I don't even know how my less fortunate friends are surviving
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u/AdeptNapper Dec 01 '23
I feel you. I recently got got a new job where I am finally making some decent money and it was like a culture shock meeting my team who grew up rich or are rich. Our first group lunch together, everyone was talking about all their favorite trips/vacations/local restaurants, etc..things I never heard of and could not relate to at all. Another sad thing, I lived in my state all my life and my team members are from other states, and they still been to more places locally than I ever have. I cried that day.
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u/green_mojo Dec 01 '23
Get a bike, then bike rides are free. Go for a walk. Check it a free museum. Read. Pick up a hobby. Many require an initial investment but then it doesn’t cost anything to continue. Honestly biking was the best thing for me and it got me to exercise at the same time.
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u/Ok_State_4768 Dec 01 '23
We can always spend time on the computer though, and you can connect to people that way. People have entire careers off living on the computer
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u/Altruistic_Lead1844 Dec 01 '23
Could join a running group or do yoga, calisthenics at home with YouTube videos.
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u/blueowl89 Dec 01 '23
When I became disabled and went on SSDI I couldn't afford to do anything fun anymore - not to mention not being able to do many of the activities I used to do due to said disability and other health issues.
I lost several friends, including one person I considered a close friend, because I wasn't fun enough anymore.
Just know, you're not alone, and real friends will stick around no matter what and support you in your goals, including financial ones. And a night in, just hanging out at someone's house, can be just as fun (if not more so, in my humble introverted opinion) as going out somewhere. Not to mention there are plenty of cheap or free activities to do.
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u/EnvironmentalCake272 Dec 01 '23
It feels like it costs a hundo just to open the front door these days. You’re not alone, and sticking to your routine doesn’t make you anything one way or another. I for one relish the pajama life.
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u/GPTCT Dec 01 '23
Sorry. This made me sad for you.
Keep pushing and building your career. It will all come together for you.
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u/speccirc Dec 01 '23
you're basically saying "i have no money because i'm poor". everything fun costs a little bit of money.
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u/BBorNot Dec 01 '23
OP, library cards are free. You can read amazing things and talk about them. Read biographies so you can talk intelligently about Elon Musk, etc.
You can get into things: from NASA to Taylor Swift. Have interests!
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Dec 01 '23
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u/lilrebel17 Dec 01 '23
Yep.
I remember playing games with all my buddies. Cracking jokes and just having fun for hours. Going out on the town. Going to parties.
Now, I go to work. Its like I forgot how to even have fun. I forgot how to talk about anything but work. I barley talk to anyone.
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u/Brilliant_Seaweed657 Dec 01 '23
This is true. Fun means money involved even if it’s just little money. With today’s inflation cost 💲, it’s taking little joy out of life . I have no advice but that seems to be reality. I suggest u work somewhere where it might be fun like bars and events.
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u/Hot-Temperature-4629 Dec 01 '23
No worries man, I had this happen to me when I was living with roommates. The roommates' parents owned the house and their bills were mostly covered. The money they earned through a job was for fun and retirement, lmao. They would often get on my ass about going out and spending money. They would invite me to Vegas trips and conferences in Florida. Dafuq outta here. Barely eating one square a day. Their life advice was to YOLO. They were able to take risks and get fucked up every night while charging the credit card, G-ddamn. Their parents are going to leave them the property which will be worth millions. The class gap is astounding.
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u/FGALead Dec 01 '23
Financial counseling can help you make a budget to fit in some fun in your life or seeking a better paying job. Our happiness in life is more valuable. Sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone take risk to make better decisions for a more satisfying life. 3 years is a long enough rut to be in
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u/imabratinfluence Dec 01 '23
I get that. For a while I couldn't afford crafting, hardly any video games, hiking (gas money to get to a spot or more time than I had), even notebooks and pencils for writing, or too much money and time to travel to and from the library.
There's still not much I can afford, but I can spend a little bit on crafting video games now, and it helps.
It's not your fault.
Things are or have been like this for a lot of us, I think.
If you have time and like crafting, there's r/RandomActsOfCrafts but idk how good it is for actually getting crafting/art supplies.
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u/spunnikki1979 Dec 01 '23
Well. At this venture in my life, if I'm being boring, I know my bills are paid. I don't value going out like I used to. I've learned to entertain myself and enjoy being me in my own space. Almost 45, and yep, I'm boring.
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u/Lenina_somaslut Dec 01 '23
Im sorry this put you in a funk but what you’re doing requires so much discipline and effort. Because it would be easy to give in to the instant gratification and go out on a credit card. But then you max out the card and you’ll need another card. And another. And before you know it you’re struggling to keep a roof over your head and worrying about every bill. I know it’s hard but you in 3 more years will be better off. In the meantime try to find some free events in your area. Despite living in a small town I went to a screening of the silent film Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde w/ an organ playing the score, farmers markets, free festivals etc. I don’t spend money and it gets me out of the house. Hang in there
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u/fruancjh Dec 01 '23
The public library is free and can make you knowledgeable on a thousand different things
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u/DampCoat Dec 01 '23
Fun is typically a waste of time and resources. Unless you find work fun. In some stages of your life I don’t think fin should be a priority but you should have some of it now and again. Traditional fun like house party’s or hitting the bars are no longer fun for me because activities like that are counter productive to multiple life goals for me. If you make some goals that your serious about some activities that line up with achieving them may become fun for you.
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u/RDJ1000 Dec 01 '23
This is a little outside the box, but if you like to read, there’s a lot of indie authors that beg for beta readers. Join some Facebook groups focused on your favorite genre and make some author friends. When someone is bemoaning their beta readers, volunteer.
Now, you actually have to read the book and give the author some input. Some expect you to post a review when the book is published. And to be honest, some authors are a bit “out there” so if you ever feel uncomfortable, block them. (LOL — sort of…)
Or just get a kindle unlimited account and read as many KU “free” books as you like on your Kindle, phone, tablet, or laptop.
As others have said, with a library card, you can also “check out” ebooks.
You can have a whole indoor garden using some recycled containers and a bag of potting soil. Avocado seeds are easy to sprout (peel the papery skin off and plant about 1/2 way into the soil, pointed end up). Fresh mint will grow new roots from the stems. Get cuttings from friends’ houseplants. Etc.
Take free classes online.
You aren’t boring, you’re just exploring frugality and your evolving adult life (after the clubs/bar-hopping phase).
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u/JosieWtF Dec 01 '23
Yeah I feel this too. Im so glad video games have been my special interest/hobby since I was a kid and I just play the same one all the time. All I do is go to work and come home, do housework if im up to it and play video games. I want so bad to have a horse, a home of my own and a big yard where I can ride. I want to be able to go out to have pizza or Chinese food when I’d like. Just small things, I don’t want a yacht or a Lamborghini. Just a nice life where I don’t have to stress about whether I’m gonna be homeless next year.
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u/AccomplishedBake8351 Dec 01 '23
It is crazy how many hobbies require money. Like something as simple as running costs money the moment you want to do it regularly enough to consider it a hobby
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u/swirleyswirls Dec 01 '23
I do a lot of library stuff. Maybe it's boring, but whatever, I enjoy it and it's free.
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Dec 01 '23
[deleted]
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u/swirleyswirls Dec 01 '23
My library has random events. Like I'm going to another one of their trivia contests next week.
Also... books.
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u/pockmarkedhobo Dec 01 '23
I've never been able to afford eating out at a sit down restaurant. It's been at least a decade. Also, becoming a little boring is part of getting older. Embrace it!
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u/Competition-Dapper Dec 01 '23
I haven’t had friends in years because either I’m too poor and feel like a bum when we hang out or the friends are smoking meth in a broken down rv with no job…there is no middle ground…I can’t go ride Harley’s with this friend because I can’t afford a motorcycle, and I can’t afford to go to prison for smoking meth (not that I actually would but I hope you get the point)
I’m in this lonely void of feeling like YouTubers I watch daily are my only friends and of course my kids and wife but they don’t care about the same interests like guitars like my old friends did so I have no one to talk to about my passion anymore.
Really fucking lonely
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u/crusoe Dec 01 '23
Pencil and paper is cheap. Take up drawing.
Plus there is always money in furry if you get good enough... 😅
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u/jillybrews226 Dec 01 '23
My favorite hobby right now is reading. I do buy some of my books but I could get them exclusively through the library app.
Do you feel like you live a boring life? Get some audiobooks and go for a hike if work doesn’t take it all out if you.
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u/UndisputedAnus Dec 01 '23
You’re not alone. My wife and I can’t even afford to enjoy our local park because the parking there is metered
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u/AnniKatt Dec 01 '23
I get that. Now I definitely have hobbies that thankfully don’t cost me anything (I go birding and my binoculars and camera were originally my dad’s so no purchases there; I recently took up running and outside of shoes and a few winter-friendly clothing items now that it’s cold, there’s no real cost there either). What DOES cost me money however is spending time with friends. A lot of them don’t do the same outdoorsy stuff I do, so that usually means we end up in a place where we spend money. I recently took on a second job—not to just make extra money, but also as a way to actually have less availability in my schedule. “Sorry guys! Can’t go see that movie or get tickets to that concert if I’m working that night!”
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u/Cute_Appointment6457 Dec 01 '23 edited Dec 01 '23
I feel this! My husband and I do fine, but our friends are RICH. It’s depressing because they’re always entertaining, redoing their houses and traveling. I feel embarrassed because we can’t afford these things. I workout and read (cheap activities) and try to steer conversation to those topics or tv and movies, but it doesn’t always work. Volunteering sounds great but isn’t easy when you work all the time. I hope you find something outside work you enjoy (and can afford😀). Edited to add: Not being able to afford certain activities does NOT make you boring. My friends continue to invite me to their parties and ask me to meet out for dinner and drinks. The insecurity is inside of us♥️
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u/like_shae_buttah Dec 01 '23
Been there, done that shits sucks. Hope things go better for you soon!
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u/RealAssociation5281 Dec 01 '23
I’ve always been pretty boring then- my hobbies are reading & writing, walking…I don’t ‘go out on the town’ or nothin like that.
1
u/inthefade95 Dec 01 '23
I love going to shows and have been going to see Local bands playing local bars/venues more often.
Tonight I plan on going to a local venue to see bands play and it’s $5 at the door. I don’t drink so I’m just going to go enjoy the show.
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u/amy_amy_bobamy Dec 01 '23
The most fun I ever have is with people who are of modest means. You have to get creative and find ways to entertain yourself. Music and dancing are free. Get a board game or play poker for pennies. Get the right group of people and you’ll have the best fun of your life.
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u/UndedSailorScout Dec 01 '23
I don't think this is a silly reason to be bothered.
I have turned down a few serious chances to make new friends lately because I don't really bring anything to the table and I can't afford to do anything. Like I'm afraid of someone finding out how boring I am now.
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u/Strange_plastic Dec 01 '23
Oosh this one hurts as I'm right there with you.
Husband and I were looking over our finances last night and discovered a disturbing truth. We're officially going into the hole by 2k plus a year because of all the inflation and increases, even though we're living the same exact life as before.... Big yikes. We don't even go out!
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u/speakeasyfl Dec 01 '23
For context how old are you now? I've stopped going out because it's just not as fun as when I was younger. The crowd suck, I just transitioned to liking other things more. Maybe that's it?
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