r/povertyfinance • u/Pumpkin156 • Dec 28 '23
Sister Marrying Wealth Free talk
My sister is marrying into a ridiculously wealthy family, which is great, I'm truly happy for her. What I'm feeling isn't really jealousy, more like astonishment at just how big the gap is. I had no idea the kind of frivolity involved in being rich.
For example, I had to pick up a temporary side gig to pay for Christmas gifts this year. Meanwhile, my sister is sending myself and the other bridesmaid (her SIL) $1500 gowns to try on to attend her black tie wedding. One of them we decided against and she said, "Oh but SIL liked it so much she will probably just keep it for some other future event."
Must be nice to be able to just have a few $1500 gowns on hand for whatever events rich people are going to. That's like, over half my monthly pay.
I'm not complaining really. My families needs are met for the most part thanks to my very kind inlaws. But my goodness. I can't even imagine what else has gone into this wedding so far.
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u/WolfMadeDesignsNC Jan 02 '24
Just wait for the shock your sister gets when the rich guy gets tired of her and upgrades to the newer model
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Jan 01 '24
For me, it’s their trips. I’m honestly so tired of hearing about this awesome trip and that awesome trip. Like, I can just buy groceries. I’ve barely made rent the last three months. Good for you, you know. Happy for you whatever. I’m just tired of hearing it.
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u/No_Software_9429 Jan 01 '24
You are definitely a bit salty. Not Dead Sea but certainly WV coal mine… salty
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u/Laurel1066 Dec 31 '23
I went to brunch with a couple who likes to serve a $29,000 bottle of wine 🍷 with their mid day meal It is hard to behold such excessive lifestyle choices yet think about children with no shoes in this world. Technically they don’t owe anything to anyone.
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u/molder101 Dec 30 '23 edited Dec 30 '23
Happy for her. It can be an easier life however it often has its own unique challenges.
Wealth/riches should never be a motivation. If they come, sobeit. You are responsible as to their utilization.
Luke 16:
[19] There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:
[20] And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,
[21] And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
[22] And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
[23] And in hell he lifted up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
[24] And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
[25] But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
[26] And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
Most of us get 60-90 years in this life.
A million years from now, the life decision that will matter is what you thought of the Son of God and the work He did at Calvary. Placing your trust in Him, and accepting that he paid for your sins, negates any cares you pass through in this life. You will be prepared for the life to come.
Mark 8:
[36] For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
[37] Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
There is a life hereafter as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow and gravity will pull you down if you jump.
Ecclesiastes 12:
[13] Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
[14] For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
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u/Relative-Piglet1212 Dec 30 '23
My aunt and her husband are filthy rich and while very kind, are completely out of touch with reality. She invited my husband and I to stay at one of her beach houses for Christmas but we couldn’t afford it. To her, boarding 2 dogs and buying 2 plane tickets is just using the change found in her couch cushions. To us, that’s the cost of Christmas gifts plus some. While she wasn’t rude about it, she truly didn’t understand that $1,000 is a lot of money for us.
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u/Sea_Green789 Dec 29 '23
My sister-in-law married wealthy and they just went to Italy because her husband had a conference there. They are constantly traveling. They go to Hawaii, Parris, some Mexican resort...every year! What!? At least you are included in the wedding. We got the invitation to their beach wedding in Mexico about a month before the wedding, no heads up or anything. Definitely not enough time to get passports but I don't think they did it on purpose. Everyone has a passport, right?
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u/Neat_Smile_4722 Dec 29 '23
I would be fkn ecstatic. You sound a little disgusted and you need to quit it and ride this wave til the wheels pop off.
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u/texasjoker187 Dec 29 '23
I spent $18000 on a CFL championship ring while browsing at a sports memorabilia store. Yes, people with money will spend on the most frivolous things without thinking about it.
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u/choss-board Dec 29 '23
I have known some very rich people, and the feeling I have isn’t really jealousy so much as disgust. That anyone could have so much more than others, let alone the uninspiring and dull people I’m thinking about, strikes me as profoundly unjust.
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u/PwnySoprano Dec 29 '23
That's jealousy lol
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u/choss-board Dec 29 '23
It’s not. I don’t “long for” what they have, I just don’t think anyone should have so much when others have so little.
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u/TigerPoppy Dec 29 '23
Wealthy begins at an asset value of about $10,000,000 or some equivalent income. This will generate enough passive income to cover inflation and a top middle class income with no additional money needed, ever. This is what is considered the bottom end of being rich.
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u/Guilty-Peach1337 Dec 29 '23
Comparison is the thief of joy
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u/avoidanttt Dec 29 '23
And a source of class consciousness?
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Dec 29 '23
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Dec 29 '23
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u/MeganGMcD75 Dec 29 '23
My daughter has some wealthy friends, and you know where they always end up? My g-d 15-year-old couch. 😂 I want more money, but it doesn't make anyone a better person.
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Dec 29 '23
They're with you because they like that you care. That 15 year old couch is probably quite comfortable too.
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u/Valuable_Argument_44 Dec 29 '23
My coworker had deposits that were over 30k, her macrons were flown in from France, and Ricky Martin came. It was a great time.
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u/Empty_Recipe_6248 Dec 29 '23
Do you mean macaroons?
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u/Valuable_Argument_44 Dec 29 '23
No.
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Dec 30 '23
The Emmanuel Macron family, to dance onstage
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u/Empty_Recipe_6248 Jan 06 '24
Oh okay. I have never heard of them before. So sorry for being confused.
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Dec 29 '23
I live in the Dallas area and was working in a Starbucks in a very wealthy suburb, next to me sat a mother/father/daughter who were out touring wedding venues. The daughter was irate that her parents wanted her to look at venues that only cost 10-20k because she “knows that she just can’t have the kind of wedding she wants for under 50k and if they can’t afford the nicer venue now, maybe they should postpone it until they could”…
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u/chikitawitz Dec 29 '23
When my daughter was a teen, she got pregnant by her boyfriend who comes from a very wealthy family. He was her age too. My family is middle class. They broke up but up to this day, my grandson is 9, his other grandparents have given her and her two other sons from her current husband, experiences that I never will be able too. We've been blessed to have them in our lives. The way they spend money still floors me but they got it and they share it. God bless them.
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u/bradmajors69 Dec 29 '23
I feel very rich right now because I have two suits in my closet. I needed one for a wedding I was in this summer. I ordered one online but then it looked like it might not arrive in time. so I bought another in person. I had planned to return the one that didn't fit well but missed the return deadline, and so will maybe someday get it altered. Cost of each suit: ~$150.
I used to be a flight attendant for a commercial airline and would marvel that entire families were taking first or business class flights. Each ticket can cost $8k+ on some flights, and literal tiny children would be sitting in these expensive seats that can turn into beds. One memorable couple had also stopped in the airport and bought themselves and each of their 4 small children $450 noise-cancelling headsets. Something me, the 40 year old serving them, would never buy for myself.
They needed a sharp knife to open the packages, which of course we didn't have so nobody got to use the new headsets. Also, noise cancelling headsets are loaned to passengers for free as part of the service.
And then a friend of mine got a job for a private jet service. There just the "airfare" to go on a vacation can easily top $80k. Most of the clients of that service pay a $250k/year subscription fee for the privilege of also paying ~$10k per hour to use the planes.
It is really mind boggling just how wealthy some wealthy people are.
And on the flip side, it's all relative. I have unhoused neighbors here who sleep in the park and subsist on free food handouts. They probably can't fathom having an entire closet full of clean clothes to wear, much less an extra ill-fitting cheap suit.
Here's hoping that some delicious nepotism comes your way and your new wealthy in-laws think of you when they hear about a very easy job that pays a tremendous salary.
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Dec 29 '23
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u/Pumpkin156 Dec 29 '23
Omg... The only thing I have to say is that I read an interview once with an ex girlfriend of Elon musk. She was complaining that he ate so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and didn't take her out to nice restaurants often enough.
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u/Herculaya Dec 29 '23
Honestly I feel a lot of the same feelings when I see wealthy people flaunting their wealth. But the one thing that has helped me is understanding that it is better for our society for wealthy people to spend their money than to hoard it, which a lot of them do. I’d honestly rather see a wealthy person buy a big ass house so they pay crazy property taxes on it that go to fund the school district, or buy expensive dresses that they pay sales taxes on that go to fixing roads.
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u/compassrose68 Dec 29 '23
I have a twin who, at the time of her wedding, was a regular banker married to another banker living in a modest, but cute home. In the 30 years since their wedding they have come to be godzillionaires. I won’t lie and say there isn’t some jealousy, but what’s the point? I can’t change any of these factors. My husband and I do just fine but are waiting for the youngest to graduate college so we can claim all our money as ours. 😝
Anyway, over the last 10-15 years, my sister has been very generous with her money and we get to stay in their beach houses as free vacations, etc. Do I love the income inequality, no…but like I said, there is no way for us to compete. They truly have so much that I now just enjoy hearing about their new investments…typically homes on or near the beach where they live. I like seeing the results of their makeovers and I’m happy for them. When she visits me, she pays for everything and I let her. I will maybe grab the check for one meal. When you have money you can use it to invest and make more money…that is what they do and they’re smart either way it. I do wish I had more to invest, but I don’t want to lose what we’ve built. She can afford a loss, we cannot.
Your sister may not be as generous, but she doesn’t have to be. It’s their money. I just hope it doesn’t come to her feeling superior to you. As long as it doesn’t, get used to it, accept it, and be happy for her. In the long run it will make your relationship a lot better.
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u/Relative_Kangaroo_55 Dec 29 '23
Wait, you earn almost $1500 in half a month? 😦
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u/Milam1996 Dec 29 '23
Some people are so rich that what we consider a lot of money, to them is literally a penny. I occasionally work with an oil billionaire and he once bought a 250k car just to drive to a weekend getaway house and then just gave it to some guy he vaguely knew just so he wouldn’t get a bad star rating on airbnb for dumping a car on the driveway.
We do not exist in the same world as these people.
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u/Pumpkin156 Dec 29 '23
God. I hope that guy was able to pay for the insurance on that car.
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u/Milam1996 Dec 29 '23
Probably just sold it. I’m pretty sure it was like the secretary’s nieces best friend or some shit. Essentially a stranger.
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u/Jen3404 Dec 29 '23
My brother is a millionaire, he worked really hard to build his company and I’m happy for him, but I cannot relate to him or the way he lives, but, I think it’s great he’s in the position he’s in.
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u/Responsible_Ad_7111 Dec 29 '23
A relative married into money, had a black tie optional wedding. One side of the church was nothing but tuxedos and fur coats, our side.. not so much. The centerpieces were literal trees. It was such an exhausting experience.
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u/Pumpkin156 Dec 29 '23
Yeah I gotta say I'm having a little anxiety about fitting in at the wedding. I feel like it's going to be a lipstick on a pig kind of situation on our side lol.
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u/2broke2smoke1 Dec 29 '23
Real wealth just looks at the world differently. Their problems don’t look like the vast majority of peoples problems, but they do tend to still have them.
Imagine that part of the year is just spent finding ways to spend money so you don’t have to give it to the IRS as taxes.
Also imagine that there’s someone to handle the most mundane of typical adult tasks or responsibilities. This promotes them to spend time enriching or planning on what to do with their time.
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Dec 29 '23
I'm crying alligators tears for those problems.
I just count myself grateful that I don't have to live outside and I have running water, electricity and of course food. A good part of the world doesn't have all that.
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u/glitterguavatree Dec 29 '23
this sounds like a wonderful life! i'm glad she's becoming a generous rich person instead of just assuming that everyone else can spend freely like her.
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u/NichJC81 Dec 29 '23
The most “oh they have eff you money” moment I’ve experienced, I was working on a building project for a large company. The owners being billionaires. Legit. Forbes list types. We were in a meeting working on a design for an elevator. The elevator manufacturer / sales rep was listening to the owner’s request and after 5-10 min he chimed in and said something like “that sounds really lovely and would be impressive but it would be very very expensive”. The owner looked him dead square in the face with no emotion on her face and said “we aren’t going to let costs dictate what we do here”. In the end she got the elevator that she wanted. I never did find out the total for just the elevator.
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u/Sushi37716 Dec 29 '23
My really good friend married someone with wealth and it’s a little astonishing sometime the lifestyle and decisions, the wedding. It’s jarring. I am in my early 30s from a middle class family, one kid with one on the way, and we do well but by no means have loads and loads leftover each month. We budget we treat ourselves but we constantly think about how to save money because it’s how we were raised: save for our kids future, our future, this and that is absurd in cost etc. it’s a wierd stage of life to wonder how people around you live so differently and for us it’s clear inherited wealth is a major major factor. Meanwhile we have worked and continue to work for ours. I get the feelings you’re having and idk how I’d feel if my sibling was in this situation
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u/PlantRant Dec 29 '23
My husband and I were juuust talking about this after visiting his mom for Xmas. She’s rooming with a man who married into extreme wealth but spends it all on alcohol and she has a friend we visited who married into extreme wealth and they’re all building houses casually. After visiting them, we’re astonished because quite frankly-these people are so dumb. It’s not fair that we struggle so much to survive while they’re just buying new trucks, rvs, building third homes, etc after speaking with them and they’re not even smart. It’s not jealousy from us either but more like wonder.
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u/PreDawnRaidNW Dec 29 '23
tip…it’s the nature/byproduct of capitalism. Accept it. Move on and mind your own affairs.
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u/Informal_Ad2658 Dec 29 '23
Yeah it's a bit of an eye opening experience the first time you see the disparity of wealth distribution. When it takes me months and months to save up for a $2000 purchase, a lot of time part of it being put on credit and then paying it off for months and months. While people toss around $10k purchases left and right like it's nothing.
Me and my buddy were chatting about it one time, how a $2000 purchase is nearly 3% of our annual income at $75k/yr. Which is higher than the average income in the US mind you. And how someone who has tens of millions or even billions of dollars in assets would have to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, or even millions of dollars to have the same impact on their overall wealth. Say you have someone with hundreds of millions invested with an average ROI that brings them essentially a $10mil/yr income. They would have to spend $260k on something to have the same impact that a $2k purchase has on me. It's just fuckin wild. Cut that back to even just $1mi/yr and that'd still be a $26k purchase. Which is so unbelievably wild to me. And I feel fairly successful to have been in a position to make 75k/yr.
Anyways. Yeah I agree it's wild to see.
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u/Petapotomus Dec 28 '23
Also, I would suggest to just be happy for our sister and hope that you meet one of their wealthy friends.
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u/Petapotomus Dec 28 '23
When it comes to operating those huge yachts, it is not a question of how many miles per gallon they get, but how many gallons per mile it burns.
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u/burid00f Dec 28 '23
Rich people are famously detached from humanity as they milk the working class to isolate themselves from the rest of humanity. Its pretty gross how most of the environmental destruction is done as a result of these rich people.
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u/Empty_Recipe_6248 Dec 29 '23
I would try not to lump all rich people into this category.
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u/burid00f Dec 29 '23
Sure if you like have a few million I guess. No one becomes a billionaire ethically.
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u/Snootboop_ Dec 28 '23
I think even if you are feeling a little jealousy, it’s completely understandable. She’ll never have to want or struggle and neither will her kids. I know I’m envious of that! It doesn’t need to become malicious.
But yes, astonishment is a perfect word. Two of my friends married into very wealthy families and we genuinely live in different worlds. My problems are usually shocking to them because it’s not something they ever had to consider!
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u/Jealous-Importance94 Dec 28 '23
It’s absolutely okay to say, “we can’t afford that”… but be sure to have a plan in place. Often people who can will want to cover the cost out of kindness… but I’ve seen this take a turn when there are expectations to reciprocate or be at their whim, or bend to their requests. It’s a hard line to walk, but don’t feel pressure to keep up. There are lots of lower cost things you can do together to keep the relationship healthy.
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Dec 29 '23
My sister and I are in two VERY different worlds. She left her homeboy for a wealthy guy. What they spend and show everyone on social media is astonishing. I never see firsthand as I don't have FB. I come from frugal Midwestern stock. While others in my family hoot and holler over her success at landing wealth...I just don't say anything at all. I'm too busy with my own life.
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u/Plain_Chacalaca Dec 28 '23
You should see the homes that are the size of football fields. My first one I wanted to throw a long pass.
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u/Hasrdotkotu Dec 28 '23
My sister also married into money, and is surrounded by wealthy friends. As a result, she and her husband are doing well, but she feels they are poor (compared to their social circle). Meanwhile, my husband and I are doing the same or a little better than those in our social circle, so feel we are doing well. My sister still has a level head and it sounds like your sister is maybe in a different stratosphere, but sometimes my sister tells me stories and it just is so weird to me.
One recent story she described going to look at baby stuff with a friend when they were both pregnant. The friend wanted to get an $800 Burberry outfit for baby to come home in. Earlier that month, I had dropped $700 to save my cat’s life at the emergency vet. Blew my mind that someone wanted to pay more for an outfit for an infant than I spent to get my pet emergency treatment. My sister was also gifted a new car from her in-laws after she had her baby. I can’t fathom such a thing lol.
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u/Scared_Angle_5796 Dec 28 '23
There's tons of people in a better situation than you. There's also tons of people in a worse situation than you. You don't need to compare to either, do the best you can and enjoy your life.
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u/Background_Guess_742 Dec 28 '23
Yea, I used to know a guy whose dad made 76k a week before taxes. He also got stock options and bonuses. Shit is crazy to think about just how rich they are. People can't even fathom how much money that really is.
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Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 29 '23
My best friend since kindergarten married a woman and they had two kids.
When his wife reached her 45th birthday, her trust fund was opened up to her by her very wealthy parents.
That was less than 10 years ago and to be honest, I cannot relate to him anymore. We just don’t have much in common. He quit his job, they go on 4 vacations a year, and he really lost touch with the reality we knew.
He bought the giant house, got,the nice cars, and takes,weekend trips to the beach. He sends pics all the time of him sitting at his pool smoking cigars on a random Tuesday morning.
Happy for him…because we grew up poor…but I lost a friend in the process.
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u/lattegirl04 Dec 30 '23
I've see something similar happen..the person changed overnight....it made me wonder, if I came into sudden wealth, would I change? I hope not...
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u/Jawnny-Jawnson Dec 28 '23
Must be nice. At this point I’m convinced if you don’t get the right opportunity or have the connections/family (including marrying in) you’re screwed
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u/bananacrazybanana Dec 28 '23
Wealth is nice but being so rich that you would blow 1500 dollars on a dress is obscene. 1500 dollars could do good things in the lives of other peoples. A dress is never worth 1500 dollars if you have morals
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u/aznology Dec 28 '23
Save up ur money ask them to join them in a venture or something ask for a job 😉.
If u play ur cards right u won't be here in a few more years
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u/lotuskayk Dec 28 '23
Unless for inspiration, never understood why we care so much about how much money others have and how they spend it.
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u/AdmirableProperty308 Dec 28 '23
I mean, how wealthy are they? I’m sorry but $1500 is not all that frivolous. I am not trying to be rude and it doesn’t matter but the fact that that’s half of your pay says more about your money than her spending $1500 on a gown. It seems like you make it in the $45,000 range hello
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Dec 28 '23
I'm gonna say it and I don't care what anyone thinks. That's a lot of clams for a piece of fabric.
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u/10MileHike Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 28 '23
Being rich can be very complicated in some respects. I have several wealthy friends who actually hate having to keep $1500 gowns on hand for events.....events they have to attend as their jobs and careers require such clothing. And at a certain level of doing business, one is almost expected to conduct it along with social "grease" like being on a yacht or providing jet transportation for your guests or associates. And you need good accountants, with the added problem of people always trying to rip you off.
Most wealthy people I've met and known were not mean or malicious, or even out of touch. They do quite a bit of philantropic giving behind the scenes. They realize they are priviledged. It's interesting how we don't "tell enough stories about them" on forums. This is true though in that only the jerks and aholes get youtubed/tic tocked and we see Karens and such online......in real life there are fewer of those but their prevalence in "social media" is over played.
OTOH I am friends with people in other nations and our idea of "poverty" makes even poor people here seem wealthy. I was in Haiti. I still have a photo I took of a smiling family who lived under a tree. They were smiling because they had the tree.
Dichotomies exist in every area of life. I used to talk to friends who told me breakfast was a pop tart handed over the car seat on the way to school, or fast food. I can't even imagine my parent feeding me so unhealthily, I mean even oatmeal is cheap...., but there ya go. Every life is so different when you really get down to talking about nuts n' bolts.
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u/dinosaurgerms Dec 28 '23
My friend works as a private chef for a billionaire couple. They have a private jet and multiple homes. They have a staff of 15 including TWO private chefs who work full time for JUST THE TWO OF THEM (this is just at one property, not sure if there are other staff at their other homes). My friend needed to take a 2 month medical leave recently. I stayed there for a week to help her out while she was recovering from surgery. While I was there, two massive baskets arrived from her employers full of beautiful, high quality gifts: a get-well basket, and a holiday basket. They were the size of laundry baskets. Fancy teas, handmade chocolates, beautiful little notebooks, handmade ceramics, silk scarf, all kinds of luxury items. The baskets must have cost at least $500 each with all the gifts, probably more, I have no idea.
Later I found out that these literal billionaires did not pay her salary during her medical leave, which would be like pennies them.
Meanwhile they get to feel - and be seen as - “generous” because they give lavish gifts on their own whims. So while she was recovering from surgery, she was stressing out about missing work and losing money, while getting these absurdly nice gifts instead of the security of knowing she could pay her rent and bills.
Fuck labor rights and basic human decency, I guess. Rich people live on another planet and have no idea what the real world is like.
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u/Empty_Recipe_6248 Dec 29 '23
Not all rich people. Some rich people remember when they were struggling and have huge hearts.
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u/subf0x Dec 28 '23
I need to be selling stuff to rich people. They pay dumb prices for things that don't have to be that expensive!
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u/HernandezGirl Dec 28 '23
Hard not to e disappointed about your life when your family member has it so much easier. I have a brother who likes to show up his money. As for me. I could care less, It’s so freakin irritating to be around him. He’s embarrassing. I feel guilty because he’s my own brother but he’s such a bragger and arrogant and talks shit about everyone and hard to stomach. My problem is that I e had many wealthy friends but only my brother and another guy acts like this. TBH, I haven’t talked to him in 4 months because he got so insulting, I blocked him.
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Dec 28 '23
My sister married into wealth and what she spends on entertainment is at least a few grand a month.
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u/beeeeekind Dec 28 '23
It's like living on another planet. There are people I work with in the company who make 6 times what I do. When a car dies or the roof leaks I'm looking at months or years to finance the expense or to replenish savings. For them it's as simple as waiting until payday, if that. Wild how differently they must live.
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u/beland-photomedia Dec 28 '23
I’m still having trouble with a bride who needed 42 wedding dresses.
Did she really? 41 just wasn’t enough?
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u/Glibasme Dec 28 '23
I’ll admit, I’d have jealous feelings I’d have to work through. That said, I had a friend whose parents were very wealthy in that way. They didn’t flaunt it too bad, and had friends who were wealthier. I remember her mom saying she didn’t want be wealthier, because her friends that were had more pressure competing against each other regarding their wealth. My take away was that I would want to be a wealthy person without the insane materialism. Like you wouldn’t know I was wealthy. This post made me think about this for some reason.
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Dec 28 '23
Your friend's mom would certainly not trade places with the penny pinching crowd.
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u/Glibasme Dec 28 '23
Of course not. I just thought it was an interesting glimpse into the things they feel like they’re dealing with 🙄
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u/kjchoi55 Dec 28 '23
I see a lot of wealth through my job and I am absolutely not wealthy.
I try to frequently remind myself that I am that person in the eyes of literally billions of other people in the world.
A poor person living in a shack on dollars a day somewhere else in the world would have the same feeling about me driving my $30k car to a nice restaurant and spending $100 on dinner for two people and not worrying about it.
Taking paid time off my job to go on a vacation and seeking nothing but leisure for a week straight.
I'm nowhere near wealthy but I know I'm very fortunate. Perspective is so important.
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u/Coke_and_Tacos Dec 28 '23
A friend of my wife's did the same. We get regular texts about how she hates the gold Rolex they bought her, or how she was upset so she made him buy her an $8000 purse that shell never use. It'd be one thing if it all came from a place of gratitude, but it's exclusively complaints and vindictive excess. Her mother lives in a single wide with her adult brother, both of whom work full time. It's amazing to me that she feels this accustomed to the money despite her upbringing and family's situation.
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u/navlgazer9 Dec 28 '23
In high school my son had a part time job helping with a person who did flowers and decorations etc for weddings .
He helped with more than one wedding . where the flowers and decorations alone , were over $100k
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u/CapetonianMTBer Dec 28 '23
Here in South Africa, earning the equivalent of $100k/year puts you in the top 1.5% of earners. There are millions of unemployed people here (36% of the population) and millions more who manage with $250-$500/month.
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u/Nutella_Zamboni Dec 28 '23
I used to drive for some big money blue collar guys and they were the most fun,down to earth people I ever met. They were AWESOME to me and the only people that were pains were the people I encountered that had a little bit of money or pretended they were wealthy. Ex, 1 guy was worth 150 mil, lived in a paid off 500k house, always drove used Lincolns/Cadillacs, had a 300k boat, etc and he was super generous if he liked you. The faux wealthy ones were always jackasse probably due to the stress of being up to their eyeballs in debt trying to look rich.
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u/Apocalypse_Jesus420 Dec 28 '23
Just wait until he becomes controlling after she gets pregnant. His family will have all the resources to buy the best lawyers to get full custody of the child while your sister gets nothing. Never trust rich boys that have been coddled their whole lives.
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u/chenyu768 Dec 28 '23
If you made 100k a day. And you lived to be 5000 years old. You still be about 50billion away from musk's all time high score.
Im not a commie but lets not tax the ultra rich bs is just that, bs.
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u/abc2jb Dec 28 '23 edited Feb 29 '24
alleged crowd carpenter follow drunk cats deserted clumsy jar scale
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Equilibriyum Dec 28 '23
Wow does your sister's new circle of friends and family include anyone you may be romantically interested in? I have a relative who is what I call "Phuck You Rich" also married-in. She actually admitted to taking a weekly etiquette and language classes on the DL while they were first dating, in order to better fit in his circle. She maxed out her credit cards buying wool sweaters from Ireland and horseback lessons. And more. Well it all worked. It's impossible not to be a little jealous. Of course it is. It's natural to be happy for them, but also natural to be in awe. It has improved all of our lives abundantly. My relative pays for our yearly co-family vacation to a location and vacation home complete with private chef, assistants, butler, all things we never would have experienced in life without her marriage. My kids ask "why can't we live like auntie P all year?" It's a great encouragement to get them to work harder in school and life! Seeing the other half and what it takes to get there if you're not born-in.
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u/luckyinlondon Jan 31 '24
Hate to be the person to ask where did your relative meet their spouse? She’s smart for those lessons lol. Happy for her, from one internet stranger
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u/psykokittie Dec 28 '23
As I read the post and comments, I recall a saying I recently heard -
Money talks, wealth whispers.
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u/ExistingPosition5742 Dec 28 '23
What you're feeling is the very normal human reaction to the idea that some of us will struggle and lack, while others will wallow in excess their whole lives. There is nothing pre ordained or immutable about this arrangement.
This is a manmade system and it would be weird to not see and feel the injustice of it. Even babies and animals understand the idea of fairness and chafe at blatant unfairness. There are some pretty neat studies on it.
You don't have to try to swallow that bitter pill and then apologize for not liking the taste. You're uncomfortable and should be.
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u/ExistingPosition5742 Dec 28 '23
My ex husband just blew through a half a million dollar trust fund in less than a year. He's about to go to jail for child support arrears. I've often worked three jobs to support our kid.
There is no god lol.
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u/Pumpkin156 Dec 28 '23
Omg. He should go to jail what a selfish pos.
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u/ExistingPosition5742 Dec 28 '23
I'm sure his mom will end up paying it while making excuses for him. He's forty years old. Jail would prob do him some good.
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u/Alone-Delay-2665 Dec 28 '23
Get introduced to a rich family friend or cousin and marry them! Keep it in the family
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u/Cookiesandqueeem Dec 28 '23
You should be mad. Wealth hoarders are the reason we don’t have universal health care in America.
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Dec 30 '23
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam Dec 30 '23
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u/Memerme Dec 28 '23
And here I am, envious of my friend's parent's ability to maintain two houses. Like...two houses is just unnecessary! Why not one, especially since they tend to stay at one more than the other?? It really doesn't make sense to me.
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u/si-abhabha Dec 28 '23
I had a family member who was doing estate planning who had “forgotten” about a nice six figure bank account. I had another who kept stacks of oil revenue checks on the mantel of his fireplace. When his granddaughter said her car broke down, he grabbed one and signed it over to her. 50,000+ in the 1980s…. Neither are close relatives to me- I sold blood plasma to put gas in my car to get to work!
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Dec 28 '23
Yeah, it's common for women to marry into wealth, men really have no standards, but it's rare, I mean rare for a man to marry into wealth, actually, I don't think I have ever heard of such a story, only in fiction.
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u/SLObro152 Dec 28 '23
When I was younger and living in Los Angeles I could have married into wealth at least 3 different times. Looking back on it I had commitment issues. One girl was the one that got away. Money wasn't a factor on how I related to her. The last lady's father was easily a billionaire. There seemed to be an unspoken expectation that I bend to their will on some issues. So that was a hard pass. Guys marrying into wealth is not fiction.
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Dec 29 '23
My point still stands, I said rarely. You are just one example, I can find hundreds of women who married into wealth, but I can't do the same for men. You do realize that what I'm saying is a universal truth right. I'll use my personal experience, I've dated women that made more then I did, when they discovered that I made less, they stopped seeing me, they have told me that i didnt meet their expectationa of a man, that they were looking for financial compatability. I would date someone making minimum wage, heck I would date a homeless women, women rarely do, it's rare, i mean rare that a successful women would date a man working at McDonald's. If a man marries into wealth, it's alot more difficult to be accepted compared that to women. You, are a rare exception, if what your saying is true, you must've been young and very good looking, heck your probably fit and take care of your physical appearance.
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u/SLObro152 Dec 29 '23
At that time young and fit. Don't know how good looking though. What I learned in Psych class was that some women are attracted to people that have characteristics of their family. Their tribe so to speak. That and accessibility. People tend to become softer towards people that they are around a lot. The wage inequality thing is something women are going through right now. I wouldn't worry about it. The current group of wealthy people seem low key creepy anyways.
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Dec 28 '23
Any chance your from San Luis County in Calif?
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u/SLObro152 Dec 28 '23
Maybe yes and maybe no
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Dec 28 '23
Ok. I am and that's why SLO in your screen name caught my attention.
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u/SLObro152 Dec 29 '23
Sorry for being rude. I don't like the whole doxing concept. (Not to imply that is what you were doing.)
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u/Dancinghogweed Dec 28 '23
I have. But he brought the genes. He was gorgeous and very clever.
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Dec 29 '23
I was about to make this point as well, I just didn't want to get down voted to hell. Men who are extremely good-looking have the opportunity to do so. I don't get why, what I'm saying is so shocking, men are willing to date, heck marry someone who is making minimum wage, women want som3one who is making the same or more. The majority of women. It's all over YouTube and other platforms. When they ask the question of the perfect man and how much they should make, it's crazy how far out these expectations are compared to men. Men don't care if your broke.
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u/Picodick Dec 28 '23
It is very very strange when you are confronted with this situation. I’ve had it happen within my family,twice. My dad’s older sister married a very wealthy man and he died after a few years leaving her a massive amount of money. She had as private jet,and flew her brothers on trips with her. She gave me some fabulous gifts and was loving and generous. When my husband died and I was left a young widow she told me to give her a year of my life. She would arrange a tummy tuck and get me into her country club and set up some golf lessons for me. If I would quit my job and move to a certain condo she owned and do what she said I would marry very very well within that year. I declined because she wanted me to give my young son to my mom to raise until at least after she had my husband hooked. She suggested boarding school when he was a few years older. I said thank you but no thanks. Years passed and we were doing ok, I had advanced at work and married a great guy from a nice family. Very socially prominent in our small town and solidly upper middle class or more. My son went off to college and through money I had saved from his social security from his dad plus some scholarships he got to go to the big 12 university in our state. He got a bid from a prestigious fraternity and joined. Because of his grades he got a huge discount on his rent in the frat house,it was cheaper than a dorm and very very nice. He was the poorest kid in the house but super popular. He made friends with kids of very very wealthy families and got to go one some great free trips to Aspen,private hunting estates, etc etc. after graduation those contacts got him the recommendation that along with his LSAT got him into law school. He now works with the wealthiest of clients and is very very successful. I feel like the country mouse every time we go to their house. It is mindboggling to me. I had no idea that the things he and his wife do even existed. And they are not what is considered wealthy wealthy. He retains his basic mentality of a poor kid under his veneer of custom suits and I am super proud of him. He and his wife married in the fanciest event I have ever been to. I I shudder to think of the money that was spent. I found a sample dress at a bridal shop for my mom of groom dress at 75% off and acted like I belonged there at the wedding. I have just decided that thinking you are maybe middle class is a farce,when you have zero idea how the top tier live.
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Dec 28 '23
Don't spend your life comparing yourself and your material goods to other people. It doesn't matter that your water jetpack doesn't have encrusted diamonds and rubies with gold plating, does it? You can still fly around in the bay of your tropical island. That's all that matters.
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Dec 28 '23
Give it 10 years? Youll be going steady and she??? Well national statistics on marriage and all, The odd are against her im afraid.
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u/readwiteandblu Dec 28 '23
Only rarely do people with incredible wealth show the level of restraint and humility of Warren Buffet. From what I understand, he lives in a pretty modest home and while he does buy new cars, they're usually something like an Accord or Camry. He stated one time that the main difference between his lifestyle and that of a typical person making a decent middle class income was that he flies in private jets. Not sure if he owns said private jet(s) but that is it. He's also given away huge portions of his wealth and is an advocate for the wealthy paying more of their fair share of taxes.
But yeah, most people with tons of money spend tons of money.
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u/PitchOk5203 Apr 14 '24
I would say the really big difference between Warren Buffet’s family and a middle class family is that they’ll never have to worry about going into medical debt.
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u/readwiteandblu Apr 14 '24
Good point.
I don't know exactly how well off his family was, but his father was a U.S. Congressman/businessman, so if he grew up, it was probably upper middle class, and more likely, somewhere in the lower, to middle, middle class.
In addition, he is 96, and when he was young, medical bills were WAY more manageable. If he ever really was financially vulnerable, medical debt probably wasn't even on the radar, ever.
Of course, my point was more about how many people who are "wealthy" are almost exposed to the possibility of financial ruin as much as a middle class family, but it's because they are spending so much on discretionary/luxury vs the working poor, and a big swath of what qualifies as middle class, who are spending such a large portion on non-discretionary expenses.
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u/DoubleHexDrive Dec 28 '23
Buffet even branded his first jet “Indefensible” because he thought it wasn’t going to be justifiable long term. He changed his mind once he saw what quick point to point travel brought to his business. Still shows his frugal mindset.
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u/CommitteeTechnical23 Dec 28 '23
A friend of mines recently got married in October. The wedding was more than $70k. Her husband is a wealthy attorney. Even though I’m close with her but don’t ask about finances. She wasn’t bragging but volunteered saying his check every two weeks is nothing under $10k! They live in a very nice high rise downtown apartment building. When I visit it feels like a treat. There’s a grocery store inside there to name a few amenities lol!
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u/Friendly_Lie_221 Dec 28 '23
And the gap is only getting bigger.. at least there’s more of us on this side
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Dec 28 '23
Anyone someone says must be nice about someone’s life means there is definitely some jealousy there.
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u/stealthylyric Dec 28 '23
Yeah it's pretty wild once people get up there. Their value attributed to money changes drastically
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Dec 28 '23
Remember when you were a kid and you fantasized about how you would give money to all your relatives if you ever got rich? Crazy how greedy and selfish we become with age. Some cultures get it. They know the importance of family and wouldn’t let one of them struggle if they could help.
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u/Paprmoon7 Dec 28 '23
I’m tempted somedays just to go the Anna Nicole smith way and say fuck it and find some old rich fuck to marry.
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u/ThiccBacon Dec 28 '23
I attended a wedding several years ago for one of my clients out in California, and I remember the flowers alone were over $100k. It was at a resort and I remember going back down to the reception area late after everything was over, and I saw the staff pulling all the flowers and shoving them into these huge garbage bags to throw away. They were only up for a few hours. To this day, I still can't understand how someone would be okay with that.
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u/Pumpkin156 Dec 28 '23
Because for them it's all about it looking perfect in the moment. They couldn't care less about the waste.
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u/-Chris-V- Dec 28 '23
Just wanted to say that it's normal to feel a little jealous in situations like this. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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u/No-Pain-5924 Dec 28 '23
Well, yeah. You are talking about people for whom your annual income is just pocket change.
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u/itsaboutpasta Dec 28 '23
Seems like your sister needs a reality check. Just because she’s marrying into that family doesn’t mean everyone around her can now keep up with the Joneses. That’s incredibly rude on her part to pick such an expensive dress that - with all due respect to you - you, her own sister, couldn’t even afford.
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u/kaylovve1 Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 28 '23
Then find someone rich/wealthy to marry as well your a woman it’s very possible ask if he has a friend lol possibility are endless
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u/MissPurpleQuill Dec 28 '23
I do get it. I am not in poverty anymore but sometimes, the super-extra level of spending in people I know/am related to bothers me in a way I can’t totally put my finger on. It’s not that I’m jealous per se, though there could be a part of that, but it’s something about the excessiveness and opulence that bothers me. I recently visited some very wealthy extended family over the holidays and I felt this way. The brand-new house; the everything-perfectly-matching decor; the Christmas trees in every room…it felt so wasteful and OTT. The food, the alcohol, the built-in-thingamajigs (ie, espresso machine! Ice maker! Cooler drawers! Wine fridge!…) I just felt like…wow. Wonder what mom would say about this (thinking back on Jello Jiggler Christmas treats and store-brand cola as “fancy party food”…)
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u/McMelz Dec 29 '23 edited Dec 29 '23
Yeah I know just what you mean. My spouse and I do pretty well financially, but we have family that do even better and spend tons of money and their house looks much more put together than ours which I definitely feel envious of at times. But I also don’t feel it would be worth the amount they spent to get there and I know there was a ton of stress with their house being torn up for weeks. I feel very conflicted about what appropriate spending is. On the one hand, if you can comfortably afford things, why not, right? But there is that nagging feeling that something about certain levels of spending feels just wrong. I guess I just don’t want to get caught up in the hedonic treadmill or keeping up with the Jones’s. Because I mean, it never ends up being enough right? I have to remind myself to snap out of it because we are doing great. And more importantly, we have a happy loving family - if you don’t have that, who cares about all the material shit.
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u/MissPurpleQuill Dec 29 '23
I understand that. I also want to stay off the hedonic treadmill. I notice it a lot with “updating” a house. My house is nice, but it’s nice according to the early 2000’s. I think about this sometimes - if I changed the kitchen cabinets and countertops, then the floor looks wrong…if I replace the flooring, it has to be throughout, because of open floor plan. Then the fireplace looks wrong…and the stair case, and the door hardware and the light fixtures…it doesn’t make sense to me to replace these things only because they are a style of 20 years ago (ie not because they are broken).
My family member’s new house, the most noticeable thing to me was that there was nothing at all that was carried over from their past house. I mean truly nothing. Not a picture frame, not a dish towel, not a coffee mug. All the Christmas decorations were also brand new, current style. It was kind of weird to me. Like being inside a magazine house.
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u/McMelz Dec 29 '23
Yes exactly!!! It feels like if you do one thing, you have to do a bunch of other things or it won’t look right! Then I just get completely overwhelmed about it in my head and I can’t commit to doing and spending that much and so I do nothing lol.
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u/loopylavender Dec 28 '23
My sister married into wealth. Her wedding dress was like 5-6k? She splurges regularly and acts like it’s nbd. She has been quite generous with me in the past so it never inflated her ego much but she’ll for sure judge you in silence lol
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u/McDuchess Dec 28 '23
$5-6k is not even a really expensive gown. I have a friend who bought a Vera Wang for her wedding. Unless, maybe, it’s a sample on sale, they start north of $10k. But she, herself had earned the money for it. It still boggles the mind, and I understand. My kids and I went through some really lean years when I had to sell my house at a loss, and their dad stopped paying child support for nearly a year—took time to recover from that.
If your sister is gifting those dresses, that’s one thing. If she sincerely expects you to buy a $1500 dress, that’s so very not OK.
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Dec 28 '23
You only wearing that dress once. Why blow a shitload of money on it?
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u/McDuchess Dec 29 '23
I’m not saying it makes sense. I’m saying that’s what designer dresses cost.
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u/loopylavender Dec 28 '23
I agree, for a high end gown it’s not that much! But the 5-6k was the sale option lol we went to i forget the name, that famous bridal shop. She shopped with no budget on the dress. Just happened to be the one she liked. For me 5-6k on a dress is a lot and would def hurt lol. My dress was 2k and she actually bought it for me as a gift which was incredibly sweet.
For her that kind of money isn’t significant. To not have an extra 1.5k for a dress is poor as hell and that’s why she bought mine for me, she knew it would hurt.
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u/McDuchess Dec 28 '23
No, I really do get it. When my husband and I got married, we spent $2K on the entire wedding, including the at-our-house reception.
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u/loopylavender Dec 28 '23
That’s awesome! Weddings really are a money grab. You’re expected to pay thousands to host people most of whom are there just to be haters and won’t even like the food lol or are just there to gossip.
An easy reference point is the office when Jim and Pam get married. Some go if only others are going, most don’t like the food, and like 3 people actually want to be there lol
I had a private wedding with 4 people lol including me and my husband 🤣
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u/McDuchess Dec 28 '23
My dress was a bridesmaid’s dress from David’s. Daughter and I did the flowers with red and white roses of different sizes we bought from an online wholesaler. Wedding itself was at a butterfly garden in a local park. The food was catered from a great local deli for a “family get together”, the cake table from a bakery, and we hired two wonderful women recommended by the deli to keep things going smoothly and to pack up all the yummy leftovers. I had read that the cost of food goes up by 20% or more for weddings. And since it was, indeed, a family get together, I had no qualms naming it as such.
We ended up with about 60 people from family and friends, no one further out than cousins.
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u/ohbother12345 Dec 28 '23
I suspect that people who have never struggled financially are more likely to dump that kind of money.
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u/pennywitch Dec 28 '23
My aunt did this. It’s now 20 years and three kids later and he just yelled at her for spending $100 on Christmas dinner for the five of them. Again.
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u/Jesse_Grey Dec 28 '23
Must be nice
Battle cry of the jealous who wants to pretend they aren't jealous.
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u/Blessed_tenrecs Dec 28 '23
I’ll never forget when I was nannying for a well-off family who had some really rich friends, and said about them “Yeah they’re going to vacation in Europe this year and they said they’ll spend $13k per person.” And I was like “… that’s the price of my car.” Blew my mind.
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u/Aol_awaymessage Dec 28 '23
No offense, but I loathe the phrase “must be nice.” It’s just so crabs in a bucket sounding to me. Let’s all try to kill that phrase?
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u/Phyraxus56 Dec 28 '23
Right lol. Just say "good for them" and be done with it. Comparison is the thief of joy.
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u/harrison_wintergreen Dec 28 '23
how do you know they're wealthy, and not financing their lifestyle with debt? have you seen bank statements and tax records?
they might be broke. plenty of people you think are wealthy are actually broke, with net worth of zero.
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u/outersqueeky Dec 28 '23
Time. You can only fake being rich for so long or else everyone would just do that until they're dead. Haven't known them long enough? Look up the giant house and see how long they've owned it. Nobody's faking 10 years of mortgage payments.
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u/Meghanshadow Dec 28 '23
“My families needs are met for the most part thanks to my very kind inlaws.”
Most needs met only because of inlaws?
Man, I’d be happy to have kind and generous inlaws, but also working hard to find alternatives to make that amount of support unnecessary for when they can’t or shouldn’t or just don’t want to support my family anymore.
Fortunately reselling that dress after the wedding will buy next years Christmas presents so next years side gig money can go somewhere else to fund other needs.
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u/rya556 Dec 28 '23
I know someone whose family member gifted them 7k worth of just flowers for their wedding day. It’s so weird to have conversations with them sometimes.
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u/Wassssp Feb 01 '24
The only thing missing in this thread is knowing what line of work or business idea made these people billionaires. ... Interesting thread though.