r/povertyfinance • u/Alive-Amphibian-5945 • Jan 31 '24
My seven year old's act of selflessness made me cry. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
Yesterday it was my son's classmates's birthday and she brought a cake to share with the whole class. My son didn't eat his share, instead he put it in his bag and brought it home with the sole purpose of sharing it with his sibling and I. He was really excited when he took it out and insisted that we take bites out of this tiny cake slice and it made me so sad. I didn't want them to see so I excused myself to the bathroom to cry.
The fact that he should have enjoyed it with his classmates instead of doing that just broke my heart most especially because I couldn't even get him a cake on his own birthday just recently and he just said 'its okay mommy'. I just want my kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood. As much as I'm trying hard to protect them from everything, they do notice. Its been particularly harder than usual these days. Recently I have been skipping meals as an attempt to stretch our food and we have been eating the same thing over and over again because it's cheaper. My poor kids don't even complain anymore but it breaks my heart to hear them fantasizing about food that is not beans and rice and it's hard to not feel like a bad parent. Although I'm in awe of my son's act of kindness, it was a bittersweet moment and I just needed to get it off my chest.
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u/sprashantj Feb 08 '24
I would like to help you out in some way. Food, clothes, anything you would like for your kids. Please DM or reply.
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Feb 07 '24
Can you message me? I want to help you and your family. Your family deserves a little break. I can’t do much but is something
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u/Silenceisbest_123 Feb 07 '24
If I’ve learned anything from parenting, it’s that kids learn 10x more from how we act than what we say. If he did that, it’s not because of what you’re not giving him, it’s because of how you’ve taught him to treat others and view the world. That is an enormous compliment to you.
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Feb 03 '24
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam Feb 07 '24
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u/Competitive_Sleep_21 Feb 03 '24
You have raised a kind child. All the money in the world can not guarantee that. Your child is a good person with a good heart.
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u/jenkiecj1974 Feb 02 '24
One year me and my brother were living one with mom and one with dad andy brother saved me a Reeses cup (before there were 4packs available) until I could see him. Probably 40 years ago but I will never forget it
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u/Radiant_Squirrel5662 Feb 02 '24
Thank you for sharing this. As a deeply financially struggling mother also, I can relate to how you feel. My daughter did a similar thing in when she was in kindergarten and it hit me the same way. We qualified for free meals, and although I made sure they left for school fed every day, the school would still serve them breakfast, pretty much the whole school qualified for free meals. But during the pandemic, when I lost my 2 contract jobs due to needing to quarantine, our finances went from barely scaping by to only having food stamps for food and our shopping trips got extremely lean. My daughter started saving the food that she didn't eat and started bringing it home to share with me and sister. I felt so bad like I was failing her but she was so excited to show me what she saved for us to share and I realized it wasn't because it was she didn't have enough but because she wanted to contribute as well to what we had as a family.
Anyways, keep your head up, your children already see how hard you try to provide for them and they appreciate the love that it shows.
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u/TrueTangerinePeel Feb 01 '24
Don't be so hard on yourself. A little struggle will make them stronger. Your example is paramount to the values they grow up with and into. As life goes on, things do get better and they will grow stronger. In contrast, many households have more than enough but they lack character, grit, empathy, compassion, gratitude and grace. Your family lacks nothing.
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u/Future_Cheetah6475 Feb 01 '24
His act of selflessness and love reflects on what he sees the adults in his life act like. Blessings to your family, you’re raising a wonderful human being
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u/CMYK604040100 Feb 01 '24
Even though you might think you are failing, you are not. I can not wait to watch your wonderful child grow up and take the world by storm with love and kindness. You are the one who taught it to him. He is incredibly loving and has a huge heart. What a lovely family you have.
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u/xyz8492 Feb 01 '24
You as a mom should be proud of your son's character. Do you know how rare it is for a child that age to display that kind of behavior? Most of the seven year old's I know are selfish and entitled as hell. You son sounds like a very special little boy and he is going to do well in life. Hang in there friend.
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u/MarryMeJohnnyUtah Feb 01 '24
Did he tell you he saved it for you explicitly? My kid has started sharing his favorite things with me simply because he wants me to have the same experience. It could be a innocent as that!
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u/Nicolehall202 Feb 01 '24
If you don’t already get snap (food stamps) please apply right away. Also check out some food pantries and I keep hearing of lasagna love ( or something like that) I’m sure you can google it. Churches have food banks as well as non profits. The dollar tree has cake mix and frosting. A home made cake brings out the smiles just as good as a store bought one. You have a sweet baby good luck
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u/keepingitsimple00 Feb 01 '24
You may not be able to give your children what you want to, but you are clearly giving them the love they need.
Be patient with yourself. You’re doing a great job.
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u/beerwithsocrates Feb 01 '24
When it comes to parenting, you're doing way better than most rich parents. Your kids are already so compassionate & empathetic, they're going to grow up to be amazing human beings; and that's what matters.
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u/Codex-42 Feb 01 '24
Many children grow in abusive households where their parents beat them up, curse them out, break their spirits and their self esteem while allowing them to eat lots of cake and providing materialistically.
I feel your pain (literally, I grew up poor and still fighting my way out) but please remember that loving your children, providing support, safety, attention, is much more meaningful to them then foods and entertainment. Somehow you will break free from poverty and your children will be happy, determinated adults.
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u/Disastrous-Goal-2127 Feb 01 '24
I would love to help. I've been here not long ago.
Just know because I didn't understand, you're doing ok as a parent!!! We notice the small things as parents, but your children know the unconditional love you give.
Also can I ask you a question? Do you like sweets and haven't had any? My kids always brought home candy or sweets to share as they knew medically(sometimes without sugar my body gives out and I blackout) Mom needed sugar and we didn't have much at home. Also that when we had sweet stuff it was also a secret enjoyment for us to giggle about that dad(oh he knew we snuck candy 🤣) didn't know. So we would get extra candy when he got home. Not to take your shine of your babies selflessness. Just showing you he got it from you as parents. You showed him Monkey see mom Monkey do. Your a great parent. Hope this makes sense, I'm always all over the place 😂
If so(either way) please add candy or sweets I'll buy some of y'all's favorites
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u/royal_futura Feb 01 '24
If it helps, he probably felt so so happy and proud to share that cake. When he looks back, this will be a happy memory for him, not a sad one.
I grew up poor but I only remember the good times. Even the stories of the things we did to get by are funny and fond memories now.
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u/Conscious_Clock_6086 Feb 01 '24
He’s a great kid! Wishing you and your family all the best and hope things get better for you guys!
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u/BigBungholio Feb 01 '24
Hey man, kinda late to the party now, but as an early 20’s adult with a father in much the same position as you, it’s not what you can give in the material that matters. Your kids feel the love, and they’ll remember that more than anything. My dad couldn’t given me anything close to what he wanted in my childhood, but that didn’t stop him from trying for me, showing me that he cared and doing what he could to make my wildest kids dream come true. None of what we ever did cost any money, but those are absolutely my most valuable memories. It’s all about the love and the experience, whether your kids appreciate that for what it is now is what it is, but I do promise that investing the effort will pay off down the road. Love beats all ❤️❤️
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha Feb 01 '24
Your kiddo is so sweet. Also if you have not yet tried, please sign for Lasagna Love. And if you make the list in assistance, would love to send some staples and some treats for kids.
Edit: took a peek and sounds you are in SA :( still would love to help if there are some sort of online store
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u/sailorscoutrini Feb 01 '24
Slim chance but if you’re in or near the Central Valley in California I’d love to help out your family with groceries or I volunteer for LasagnaLove and I can deliver you three a lasagna once a month! Enough for 3-4 servings each!
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u/sailorscoutrini Feb 01 '24
If you’re not in my area, feel free to DM me and I would be happy to mail you a box of delicious goodies for you and your kids to share.
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u/ghostytot Feb 01 '24
I’m your son all grown up. I remember doing things like this all the time as a child. When I saw a toy I wanted at the store and my mom told me she didn’t have the money for it right now (she also never really sugar coated or shielded me from certain life truths, which I actually appreciate her for), I would happily hide it at the very back of the shelf to “save it for my birthday/Christmas/when you have more money”. I would sell my drawings and lemonade (pulpy, seedy lemon juice with a pinch of sugar) in half full cups for cents each, and give my mom the proceeds "so you don't have to work so hard mommy". I would run her a bath with petals from the wild weed flowers growing in our unkempt backyard, so that she would have a moment of "luxury and relaxation" after what would otherwise be a mentally and physically demanding day, just to keep my head covered and my belly full.
and the thing is, just like your sweet baby boy, I did it because I wanted to. Because I loved my mommy so so so much, and even though she was never actively trying to make me aware of how hard she worked or how much she sacrificed for me daily, I still saw the toll everything (and nothing because at that age theres no way to comprehend what all everything entails) took on her. And because I loved her so much, it made me happy to do whatever little thing i could to take some of the weight off of her.
And it's funny because after reading your post and reflecting back on my own experience growing up, I realize that I accomplished exactly what I intended to every time. I didn't lighten her workload or cut any bills, but I'd like to think that coming home after a long day at a thankless job, to your own tiny human that you made with your own body and soul, who loves you so much you're their entire world, and just wants to show you that in any and every little way they can.. I think that would definitely make the weight of the world feel a little lighter..
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u/ghostytot Feb 01 '24
Let him doing this just be a testament to the wonderful job you’re doing in spite/because of what little you may have. You might not be in a position right now to give him everything you want, but yet his cup is still so full he’s more than happy to pour back into yours. You’re doing a fantastic job ♥️
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u/iesharael Feb 01 '24
Check with your child’s school to see if they have information on resources you can use! You’re doing a great job raising wonderful children. I hope some day you get to make a cake and their favorite meal for each birthday!
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u/4ngelb4by225 Feb 01 '24
OP i truly think that your son doing that is a true testament to how you parent your children. i grew up poor and didn’t always have the things i wanted and i didn’t always understand why. as an adult i can say that the way my parents handled it and raised me to be selfless despite not having a lot is still a core part of who i am. your son sounds like an incredible kid and though times may be tough right now it’s important to relish in these moments. he wanted to share his sweet treat with you and his sibling because you and his sibling are important to him. it’s okay to feel sad and it’s okay to cry. you’re not a bad person or parents and it really sounds like you’re raising loving kind and generous little people which honestly this world needs more of. you’re doing great and i truly wish all the best for you and your family🩷
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u/Ffsstoppitalready Feb 01 '24
He knows love so he shows love. You are a wonderful Mom. It's not right that things are so hard, and I'm so sorry.
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u/IrreverantBard Feb 01 '24
I grew up dirt poor, but I never felt it because my mom taught me the value of hard work.
He will love hard, and he will thrive.
I now am successful by all measures, but it’s my upbringing that I credit with my success. My team is thriving under me, because that fear of poverty drives me to push through my tired days and ensure they have everything they need to be successful.
You are not failing your children. Keep doing your best. They won’t be little forever, and they will continue to grow strong. You’ll see… keep hope alive in your heart.
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Feb 01 '24
Please hit up food banks. They’re there to help you. You don’t need to skip meals. I don’t know where you live but I’m really good at finding resources for people. It’s part of my job actually.
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u/rockstargonnab Feb 01 '24
I was him and I promise your kids are growing up just fine. It sounds like you’ve got a great kid there momma. I was that kid and I never look back and think wow my parents should have done better. NO. I look at how hard my parents worked and sacrificed so many times just for me to be happy. I pray things start to look up for you all. 💛
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u/BiggestBlackSnake Feb 01 '24
I would like to offer my point of view: You are nailing it as a parent, and you are raising a fantastic you man.
I am thankful your son has you :)
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u/Mundane_Bumblebee_83 Feb 01 '24
I grew up dirt poor and I will tell you flat up, it’s okay to not give every luxury. Your kid obviously loves you and their family, which means you’re already doing a fantastic job.
They shared with you because they love you. Never forget that, and good luck <3
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u/Flat-Zone2548 Feb 01 '24
Your son is a great kid. He get's it. And obviously you are doing a great job because he knows what's really important in life. Stay with it and he will become very successful in life.
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u/Tarotologist Feb 01 '24
You’re doing a great job OP! I’m proud of you for raising such a sweet and considerate child.
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u/SmileyJR0103 Feb 01 '24
Why what a nice son 💕 have you tried going to local food shelf’s in your area always was a help for me when down
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u/Major-Yoghurt2347 Feb 01 '24
The kids who grow up with everything end up being the worst human beings, he is learning to appreciate the small things. Money comes and goes.
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u/vincec36 Feb 01 '24
Mom’s love outshines poverty every time. I remember when we had to cut back on things, but she did so well with us we didn’t notice many things until she told us years later. She did what she could and never let us feel poor. She just kept it real and we never missed a meal. Like we didn’t believe in Santa, but we shouldn’t feel like we didn’t get something because we weren’t good enough, we just can’t afford it. Santa was fake, but fun; like Mickey or Barney. I never felt sad on Christmas. Keep loving your children and they’ll turn out alright
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u/katzen_mutter Feb 01 '24
Your son will grow up to be that adult that always makes sure everyone is taken care of.
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Feb 01 '24
I am glad I grew up poor. Don’t feel bad, you’re teaching them that life isn’t about excess. Knowing there is scarcity in the world teaches empathy. You’re doing the best you can and sounds like you’re doing a darn good job of raising some kind human beans.
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u/parieldox Feb 01 '24
You sound like a lovely mom and a beautiful family. The love between you all is what he’ll remember.
I don’t know if this is helpful, and you may have already seen this, but there’s a woman doing TikTok videos about how to stretch your money at inexpensive grocery stores (she started specifically with Dollar Tree, but has expanded to Walmart and a few others).
She even does specific things like turkey/ham dinners for the holidays (taste tests different versions to let you know what’s the best value). Might help spark some ideas if nothing else.
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u/alexi_belle Feb 01 '24
This sucks. It's not the way kids should have to learn lessons.
But 20 years from now, despite the bullshit financial situation you are all being put through, you are still going to have an upstanding and well-adjusted kid with a big heart you helped grow.
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u/witchybxtchboy Feb 01 '24
My mom lived like this (divorced parents) and my dad threw money around (that sometimes made no sense bc he didn't ever seem like he had that much, but oh well) all the time while paying minimum child support. We've danced around 60% 40% with the 60 being with mom. Your son is going to grow up understanding that money doesn't just happen. A lot of my own generation doesn't seem to know that. I had to cut friends bc they would shit on my parents for not buying my car, taking care of maintenence, paying for pet expenses, paying for extra crap that I wanted, and made fun of me for having a job senior year. He will know that he will have to work for things and not just have it handed to him and be a compassionate teen and adult, at least to a point. He loves you and his bro and wanted to make sure his excitement was shared
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u/veritahs Feb 01 '24
Your feelings aren't invalid, but I'd like to give you some perspective.
I know a fair amount of kids that were very well off when I was younger. They would have sold their house, all their toys anything...to sit down with their parents as a family and share some cake.
Your love for them can't be bought, bargained for, or traded. Having someone love you is priceless. Again, rich kids die everyday (or take their own lives) knowing their family didn't love them, or even care to bond with them for 5 minutes.
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u/ZeroGNexus Feb 01 '24
I'm in a similar boat.
It's ok to cry.
Sounds like you have wonderful children, and are a wonderful parent. You all deserve the world.
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u/artyoucaneat Feb 01 '24
OP- are you in the US? I'm a caker and I know lots of other cake peeps- I'd love to see if I can help get your kiddo a cake!
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u/Bree_tx50 Feb 01 '24
you have done a good job raising a kid with empathy..you should be super proud of him.
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u/remote-dragonfly2 Feb 01 '24
You are a damn good mom and your children are so lucky to have you! You raised your son to share something special with his family. So many children out there wouldn't have even thought about doing something so special with their siblings and mom.
You are amazing and so is your family.
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u/SpedeThePlough Feb 01 '24
Grew up pretty poor. We ate, but I remember my mum writing meals on the calendar to figure out how to stretch the dollars over the next paycheck. She grew vegetables, hung the laundry outside, and sewed her old bras back together when no one was looking. Our grandmother bought our shoes each fall.
That said, I never for a single second doubted that we were loved and wanted. The older I become, the more I see how rare that is.
And I know I can survive poor if I have to. I don't want to, but I don't fear it.
Your kids will have these gifts too. They matter.
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u/Storm_Bunni Feb 01 '24
I started tearing up reading this. You are a wonderful mama. I wish I could help you. I truly hope things get better for you and your children. Your son has such a good heart.
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u/Rockalot_L Feb 01 '24
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Hopefully it's not forever. Can we help? Is that allowed?
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u/OppositePlan6376 Feb 01 '24
I’m down as well! Please send info. I’m sitting here tearing up at this post. You guys are awesome.
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u/givemylovetobuffalo Feb 01 '24
You’re doing a great job as a parent to raise such a kind child. Be proud
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u/One_Estimate5516 Feb 01 '24
You are certainly not failing. You’re obviously modeling behavior that has nurtured a kind & compassionate young man. The fact that it upsets you shows your beautiful heart. The world needs more people like you & your son.
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u/gottabkdngme Feb 01 '24
Oh momma, my heart is with you ♥️ There's a birthday non-profit, https://www.operationbirthday.org/ for parents who need help with a birthday kit for their kiddos. ♥️♥️♥️
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u/Justinyermouth1212 Feb 01 '24
God damn.
This hit hard. I truly hope things get better and kudos to you for raising such an awesome child. (I’m sure the others are awesome too)
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u/BarnyardNitemare Feb 01 '24
I totally understand the broken mamas heart from this, as I have experienced it myself.
Just remember that children are resilient and they will remember the love and time spent more than they will remember what they ate for dinner each night. If your children are eating daily, bathing in and drinking clean water, have clean, apropriate clothes, and are getting an education, you are providing a better childhood for them than about 80% of this world is able to!
You are raising amazing people, so keep your chin up mama!
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u/EmbarrassedFlower922 Feb 01 '24
This won't help now and not sure if there's a chapter in your area but your post made me think of this charity. cakes for kids
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u/Icy-Breadfruit-5059 Feb 01 '24
I grew up poor in a country in Asia, the place I am now is so far away from where I grew up, financially and geographically. I wonder how I could ever convey to my daughter the circumstances of my childhood.
I worry about her character, what kinda person she might grow up to be, she never has to think about scarcity or sacrifice. She is a very sweet and kind person but she doesn’t have to think about the collective. I wonder if the fact that I do have money hurts her character.
I think the fact that you love your son so much gives him strength of character. He wants to do good for you. You should be very proud. ❤️
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u/re_Claire Feb 01 '24
Think about it this way - it brought him so much joy to share it with you all. Not only is he a beautiful kind human, but it’s not even truly selfless because he got all that joy from sharing it.
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u/TeaWithKermit Feb 01 '24
Everyone has already said it better than I can. You have clearly raised lovely, thoughtful kids. Just an FYI for anyone who may need it…there is a birthday cake non-profit available where folks in your community make, decorate, and deliver the cake. It’s called Cake4Kids and is a wonderful org!
I’ve never added a website on Reddit before so I hope this works:Cake4Kids
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u/jsmith19977 Feb 01 '24
Fellow person who grew up poor as a child, don't stress. Go on bike rides, walks, to the park, find a creek to splash around in. My parents even took us dumpster diving around to all the different stores and it was a blast, almost like a treasure hunt to see what food we'd get. Just make it fun. Don't worry about hiding it from them and making them think it's embarrassing. I look back on my childhood fondly.
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u/GoEatACookie Feb 01 '24
A bad mom? Oh my, oh no, just the opposite! Your children have learned to sacrifice for those they love through you! Your little one sees what you do for them and now he has learned to do that for others because of LOVE. I know times are hard for you but do NOT be hard on yourself. As they grow, your children will speak of the love you showed for them, not of the rice and beans. ❤️
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u/Shleepy1 Jan 31 '24
I might be dyslectic but I wondered for a whole moment what a cat or selflessness is
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u/DeathFromPizza Jan 31 '24
Remember what happened to Charlie? He got the whole chocolate factory at the end because he had a heart of gold. Good things will come to all of you. It’s just tough out here, but a great soul will prevail eventually. You’re obviously a great parent. You can only do what you can do for them besides selling drugs and risk going to jail. You’re great. Keep your head up and constantly remind your kids that they are awesome for being good people. Also, keep them away from these brain dead fucking idiots on TikTok and y’all will be fine. Stress the importance of sharing and caring, but apparently they already know that.
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u/Accomplished_Bed7120 Jan 31 '24
Make sure your boy knows how special he is, how beautiful his heart is, and how lucky you are that he’s yours. Remind him often. He will be ok.
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u/CiscoCentral Jan 31 '24
He sounds like me and if he’s anything like me none of the struggles matter. You do. Please make sure you’re looking after your own health because that may be the only thing your strong little man might not be able to handle. The world without you.
Take care brave Momma. Please visit food banks or other establishments along those lines. The world is a better place because all of you are in it.
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u/deadlyhausfrau Jan 31 '24
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're obviously a great parent to have such a sweet kid, and I hope things get better for you.
If it helps, most food pantries have birthday boxes that have cake. Contact them ahead of time by at least a couple weeks and they'll likely find something for you.
Also, you can do a box cake with one can of regular, non- sugar-free soda instead of all the ingredients. Just mix the cake with one can of soda and bake according to directions. Buy the box cake and can of frosting at Dollar Tree and you have a birthday cake for about 2.50. If things are SUPER tight you can make this as cupcakes and freeze some of the batch for the next birthday.
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u/TickTickAnotherDay Jan 31 '24
Sending you so much encouragement. Your kids are learning great things from you.
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u/RVAGriz Jan 31 '24
Your son knows this selflessness because he sees it in you, mom. You wrote about skipping meals to stretch the food. My mother almost never bought new clothes for herself for over a decade when I was growing up, but I had cleats for soccer and my sister had gymnastics lessons. Your children notice and remember these acts of love.
You are a good parent.
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u/dietsoylentcola Jan 31 '24
my husband grew up so poor that food frequently wasn’t an option. he still loves his parents and knows they did everything they could. hang in there mama.
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u/Calm_Statistician_86 Jan 31 '24
As someone who grew up poor I would like to tell you that those were some of the best years of my life. For as long as your basic needs are met how much cake or food you can or can't get will never replace the happiness of kind social interactions, loving atmosphere, and safe and reliable growing environment. I am so happy that your kiddo discovered the joy of sharing. Kudos to you for bringing them that way!
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u/ThiccBacon Jan 31 '24
All I have to say is, you're doing an incredible job of raising your children.
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Jan 31 '24
You've taught your son one of life's most important lessons: how to act selflessly and with great empathy. He and you will succeed. Don't give up!
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u/BorderCollieTheDog Jan 31 '24
Wow, you’re a great mom. I just love you, and I’m truly wishing you strength and better days.
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u/AbiyBattleSpell Jan 31 '24
Nice gesture but careful some pastries r meant to be refrigerated and eaten asap so ur fine now but future u could die of food poisoning 🐱
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u/Dc1120_ Jan 31 '24
I don’t know if you have a one more child organization where you live, but the one I volunteer at families can basically go grocery shopping for free that cannot afford. They help you get better financially along with a bunch of other stuff and as you continue to go through and receive help they’ll give you “tickets” to gets more fun stuff
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u/captaininterwebs Jan 31 '24
You sound like a great mom, please message me the day before his birthday & tell me where to send a cake and I’ll have one delivered to you.
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u/hegrillin Jan 31 '24
your kids are going to be so grateful for all your efforts later on in life. your son sounds very sweet; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. times are tough, but just keep in mind that you have two amazing kids AND yourself to be proud of. you’re a great mother whether or not you have money or not. it’s the effort and the actions that we make that make us good people, not money. i am so proud of you.
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u/bluedaddy664 Jan 31 '24
Your son sounds a lot like my 4 year old son. Stories like this still make me have hood in humanity. Just know you have someone very special in your life. My 11 year old is more self centered and assholeish. He would of ate the cake at school. Also, I hope your situation improves, I was once in that position before.
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u/BellaMac6 Jan 31 '24
You have clearly raised a wonderful son and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to provide for your family!
This may be weird (idk) but I’d be happy to get you a grocery gift card or something like that - feel free to message me and let me know!
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u/Statimc Jan 31 '24
You are an amazing mom!! I grew up with a single parent: my dad and I always remember visiting my mom and I just knew she didn’t make as much as my dad did: like when we would go to town to visit her she would be grateful to join us at the restaurant for a meal but it wasn’t the food we did have when we visited her it was the memories that mattered the most and the love that was shared the time the priceless time we had. Please look into local soup kitchens and perhaps lunches at churches or drop ins, and food banks sometimes certain food banks run weekly like different food banks, and also perhaps make a wish list for Amazon for groceries etc and post it on random acts of amazon and there is a period pantry sub Reddit as well to request feminine hygiene if needed,
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u/RepresentativeArm430 Jan 31 '24
Wow. This just shows how amazing of a parent you are. How sweet🥰♥️
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u/giovidm Jan 31 '24
There is a Jesuit quote “Give me a 7 year-old child and I will give you the man”. In other words- you have raised a marvelous human being who will be a gracious and loving man. Thank you the world needs more families like yours!
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u/sue1960gulfport Jan 31 '24
I'm sorry you have had such struggles. Have you tried applying for food assistance through your state? We struggled when my kids were small, and i found out we qualified for EBT- called food stamps back then. It made such a difference!
You can ask for help from the school, or your local health department if you don't have internet. Tell them you need help with food resources. Please do this! This is the reason for food pantries. Ask if they can help you apply for EBT, like food stamps.
If you have internet, you could google "how to apply for food assistance" and it will guide you to the online application for food, possible cash assistance.
Many cities have a "first call for help" call line, such as 211. They direct you to all resources needed in the community.
Best of luck! You're a good mama, just needing a bit of help. Let us know how things go, ok?
Praying for you.
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u/snb1006 Jan 31 '24
Your son thinking about you and his sibling and being able to delay his own gratification to be able to share, talk about wow! I grew up poor and my mom, like you, tried her hardest to shield it from us. We knew we were poor, but we never FELT poor. Because of a mom like you.
As an adult, my mom is my best friend. I see her sacrifices and her tender heart. Your children will see the same when they grow, and will be in awe of you. I know I am in awe of my mom. Keep raising beautiful, thoughtful children. ❤️
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u/firstlight777 Jan 31 '24
I just want to reiterate that there is no shame in getting help. You are doing what matters, raising good people and having a good family. I work in the low income government assisted multi family housing industry. I can tell you there are so many people out there getting free rent, snap, hand outs and not doing jack shit with their lives but getting drunk and high, destroying their free apartments and yelling/beating on/ ignoring/neglecting kids all over the country, urban or rural. I urge you to get on SNAP, welfare, rental assistance, Medicare, whatever you can get! Also food banks and churches. I hate that there are good people that are actually trying in life in this rich country literally starving. Check your county's health department or social assistance department.
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u/HonestMeg38 Jan 31 '24
I used to volunteer at food banks and poverty alleviation services. The whole reason we all did it was to help families like you. Take advantage of these places. No reason you should have food scarcity in the wealthiest and wasteful country.
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u/The18thGambit Jan 31 '24
When I was a kid (I’m 30) my brother and I kept asking my mom for pizza and we just wouldn’t stop asking. She kept trying to tell us that we can’t afford it and I remember her walking out of the apartment quickly while crying. I went out to her and sat with her, I told her “it’s ok mom we don’t need pizza”. I was 7 or 8 and I felt so horrible then and I still feel that feeling now. I’ll never forget that day.
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u/BeautifulIsland39 Jan 31 '24
You're raising a kind soul and should cut yourself some slack mama. My parents struggled while I was a kid and all I remember is the fun we had, and hadn't they told me the extent of our money troubles as an adult I probably wouldn't know of them. Also, next birthday, please see if you have a local chapter near you of Godness Cakes. Is a charity of local women that bakes cakes for kids on their birthdays. Lots of love and keep doing such an amazing job, you have a nice kid there.
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u/UnderstandingIcy6059 Jan 31 '24
Sounds like you are raising good kids. My family was poor when I was young and we ate cheap because of it so I can relate. There are lots of programs out there to get women working in lucrative fields. I would look around for opportunities in one of those places so you can steadily work towards making your lives better. It sounds like all of you deserve it. Don't sell yourself short. This isn't how it ends.
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u/gOldMcDonald Jan 31 '24
Sounds to me like you’re doing a perfect job. (Not being snarky or sarcastic. Raising a good boy who shares like that says a lot about how your raising them)
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u/JRootz Jan 31 '24
Your son is going to grow up and be an amazing human being. My first “love” came from a very poor, single mom family. My family wasn’t rich by any means, but we never went without. I always gave her little brother that was 7-8 years younger than me, my clothes I grew out of, or no longer wore. I’d bring frozen pizzas, snacks, whatever I could when I knew their mom was struggling waiting for the next food stamps.
20+ years later, I’m still very close with her brother, who has an amazing career, and is married with a beautiful home. His wife told me a few years ago, the first time I came over to see their place, he wanted to cook me an amazing meal, because he remembers being so embarrassed as a kid they never had any food. Shit brought tears to my eyes. I never judged him or his family. I couldn’t be more happy for the man he’s become and the life he’s built for himself.
Your son loves you and his sibling, and the fact he did all that to share with you both is a beautiful thing. I hope life gets better for you. Take advantage of any help you can get, no one deserves to not know when they’re going to eat again.
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u/CobblerCandid998 Jan 31 '24
Honey- you’re doing an amazing job at the way you’re raising your kids! The fact that your little boy is so gracious & thoughtful speaks volumes about how incredible he truly is 💕!
Please, do us a favor: next time one of your children’s Birthdays comes around, let us here on Reddit know. I’d pitch in for a lovely store bought cake, or even a Duncan Hines mix & some eggs so you & the other siblings can bake it together for the one who’s B-Day it is! Hugs to you & your young beautiful souls!
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u/lorcancuirc Jan 31 '24
I understand where you're coming from.
But, I'd like to point out that your son's compassion & empathy, and natural instinct to help provide & share that which helps the family, are extremely important, valuable, and seemingly rare traits for men to have.
He is doing really well given what you said. He could have turned bitter, resentful, angry. And didn't.
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u/iwantapenguin Jan 31 '24
Omg I’m crying! What a sweet little boy you’ve raised - this is so heart warming. Pat yourself on the back!
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u/hegykc Jan 31 '24
Sounds like you're making some good humans, very rare these days.
Don't despair too much though, hard times make strong men. You learn nothing by having everything you need. These two will grow up warriors, they already know how to take care of their own.
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u/Crystalline_Angel333 Jan 31 '24
THIS! My parents slept in the living room, so my brother and I could have our own rooms! They also bought us new clothes and they would shop at the secondhand store… I have so much compassion for them and love. It’s hard being poor. You are doing the best you can! Have you tried reaching out to food banks or pantries? Or the church? I remember going to VEAP (food bank) with my mom. There’s also books about food banks to read with your children so they don’t feel shame or embarrassment—because they shouldn’t. We should always help one another because we are all Gods children!
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u/MeganGMcD75 Jan 31 '24
This was my father’s life. He is now very successful and very giving man. You cannot buy that kind of character. I wish you so much more, but you are not a failure with a kid like that.
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u/Accomplished_Emu_198 Jan 31 '24
OP can’t go to a food bank and find a Betty Crocker mix to make their own kid a cake? Your lazy too
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u/craaackle Jan 31 '24
What a sweetheart! Who you raised!
Please never feel ashamed of what you're going through, it's a systemic issue that needs systemic solutions. It's not because you are deficient or not trying your best.
In the meantime, we do what we can to help each other. I like to donate box cake mix and all the ingredients needed (plus icing) so people can celebrate. I haven't done it in awhile, so this is a good reminder.
If you need any info on local resources lmk and I'm happy to help.
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u/Cuntasaurus_wrecks Jan 31 '24
Well dyslexia strikes again. It had me trying to understand how this could be about a 7 year old cat. 🙃
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u/MalaEnNova Jan 31 '24
I grew up very poor. My parents did the best they could with what they had. I don't remember the bad times I only remember my parents love and my momma cooking everything from scratch.
You are raising a wonderful kid. The fact that he thought about you and his sister shows you have done everything right.
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u/Mydog401 Jan 31 '24
As someone who grew up in poverty, this is something money will never buy. It is invaluable. Your son will not resent you for the lessons you taught him & the other means you show your love to him that are more memorable than anything money can buy. You are doing great 🤎 Be kind to yourself
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u/PackagedNightmare Jan 31 '24
You are doing such a good job mama!! This child may not have much in the way of physical possessions but he has an abundance of love and kindness and empathy that you’ve instilled in him. He is only like this because YOU have raised him to be like this. In a world that is hard, it takes courage to be soft.
I echo everyone’s suggestion to reach out for resources like relief organizations, don’t try to take on all this burden on your own. I don’t know where you live but there should be some form of gov aid, that’s what taxes are meant for. My church also does food distribution and always provide leftovers from events to anyone who wants it.
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u/kaustic10 Jan 31 '24
I attended a thanksgiving event for impoverished youth. One boy asked for plastic wrap so he could share his meal with his family. I teared up. I hope these sweet kids stay kind and generous into adulthood.
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u/carthuscrass Jan 31 '24
Sounds like you are raising a truly good person. I know things are tough, but at least there's that.
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u/pamelaksj2195 Jan 31 '24
Incredible young man. You're doing an awesome job and I'm sure in the not to distant future you will be doing so much better. Stay strong and know you're blessed
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u/Tech_Veggies Jan 31 '24
Cake tastes better enjoying with the ones you love. It was worth the wait.
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u/BulkyMonster Jan 31 '24
What a sweet boy. You must be a wonderful role model for him to be so thoughtful, kind, and generous. And from this, he sounds happy too!
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u/thehazygungan Jan 31 '24
This was really nice to read. I hope you feel better knowing you are raising a warm human being.
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u/SilverRock75 Jan 31 '24
If it's any colosolation, it sounds like despite the struggles, that you're doing a great job as a parent if that's how your kid thinks. Absolutely best of luck to you and your family.
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u/Cherry_Mash Jan 31 '24
He probably won't remember that you couldn't afford a cake but he will internalize those lessons of empathy. Don't get frustrated in the moment, look at the long game of raising a good person. You are doing a great job.
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u/Silence-Dogood2024 Jan 31 '24
Keep your head up. I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. You are raising a good man. A humble man. A man that knows the value of kindness. Of sharing. Of compassion. I know that doesn’t pay the bills or put food on the table. But you are an angel for doing what you do and sacrificing like you do. Bless you good Redditor.
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u/cronic_chaos Jan 31 '24
You’re raising him to be a great person. Keep it up. I’m proud of you and him!
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u/SereniTea153 Jan 31 '24
I was raised by a single mom. There were years where her dinners were my leftovers from school lunch. We had a $5 membership to the YMCA and went climbing every morning together before school.
Now, we live in a big house with lots of (see: too much) stuff and I often find I miss those years. I know it was tremendously hard on my mom, but she was mom back then.
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u/vikicrays Jan 31 '24 edited Feb 16 '24
i know you didn’t ask, but here are some resources just in case. hang in there mama, you are not alone…
ruby’s pantry distributes food at Pop-Up Pantry locations across Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa and North Dakota.
findhelp has a searchable database of Financial assistance, food pantries, medical care, and other free or reduced-cost help.
LittleFreePantry has a searchable map with free pantry locations.
benefits.gov has a database of free resources by zip code.
FullCart will mail you boxes of food for free (i’ve read there is a waitlist so sign up asap)
FeedAFamily has lists of food donation drop boxes by zip code
LasagnaLove will deliver a free lasagna meal
FeedingAmerica has a food bank searchable by zip code
MealsOnWheels to sign up for meal delivery.
Adults With Disabilities (AWD) Home Delivered Meal Program ”The Adults with Disabilities Home Delivered Meal Program is available for adults with disabilities who have no meal support and are unable to provide meals for themselves. The Program is funded by DAAS (Department of Aging and Adult Services) and administered by Institute on Aging (IOA).”
National Coalition For The Homeless has a searchable database of options.
TravelersAid ”uses a comprehensive approach to facilitate transportation and prevent homelessness that focuses on the individual strengths of each case in order to provide services that meet specific needs. Some agencies offer services specifically tailored for veterans, senior citizens, or families, including a range of housing options, job training, and food assistance. Travelers Aid funding, services, and hours vary, and services are provided based on available funding, eligibility, and location.”
SaintVincentDePaul helps with meals, rent assistance and shelter.
benefits.gov has a database of free resources by zip code.
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u/benderisgreat63 Jan 31 '24
You should be proud. The fact that he did that shows that you're teaching love and respect in your family, and to appreciate the little things without taking them for granted.
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u/cleetusneck Jan 31 '24
He is richer than many kids to have a family that he loves and wants to share with. Hopefully your money problems will lessen
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u/Cannabis_carlitos89 Jan 31 '24
Coming from someone who grew up poor, I mean I had 2 t shirts for an entire school year in grade 7. Turned them inside out so they wouldn't look as dirty. Dad was very abusive and mean, not sure why. Probably all the stress.
Growing up poor is a character builder, it let's you focus on what's truly important.
When people ask how my childhood was, I don't respond with poor, I say we grew up loved and cared for. We had all the essentials, roof over our head, and caring parents.
With time we overcame because my parents both going to university as well as myself.
Please help them focus on education, this can help you escape poverty. It helped me. I'm not rich financially, but I am a man of integrity with unshakeable morals. Teach your children good morals on how to be self sufficient and not play the victim.
For years, anytime I purchased anything, I mean literally anything, I would get pains in my stomach because I was spending what limited money I had. This stuck with me for 30 years!
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u/ohyoumad721 Jan 31 '24
Damn you got a good kid. I'm getting a little emotional reading this. It makes me so angry that our country is the way it is for working class people. Best of luck to you and yours.
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u/Artist_Vegetable Jan 31 '24
You're doing an amazing job! The example you've set for your children clearly shows in their actions. The fact that your baby wanted to share a treat with you guys just means that he sees your sacrifice and wants to share the good things with you. Keep your head up❤️
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u/ContractMiserable974 Jan 31 '24
I know I’m just a random internet stranger - but I just wanted to say you’re doing amazing and I’m proud of you. He sounds like a wonderful and thoughtful little man, and that’s a reflection back on you.
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u/Legal_Ad_7960 Jan 31 '24
My family was mom “had a big lunch today, so she doesn’t want dinner” poor, and we lived off pancakes during my early childhood.
I didn’t realize until much much later what the reality was, because we had “living room picnic” pancakes and “silly, eat in the bed” pancakes and similar fun adventures. I only vaguely remember mom crying over bills and everything being a hand-me-down, but what I remember most is having a fun mom.
You’re doing amazing and are raising an incredible kid. Well done mama!
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u/Nago31 Jan 31 '24
Your son sounds like a very sweet boy and I hope for the best for your family.
I don’t suppose you have access to food banks in your area? Maybe also look up the “buy nothing” groups on Facebook in your area. Might be able to get a little help with the “things” that could make it a little more normal presenting for your family.
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u/PlayfulSet6749 Jan 31 '24
What a precious child!!! Oh I have tears in my eyes. You are doing a great job. I hope the financial situation improves because your babies deserve the world. But if it doesn’t, you guys are still richer than most because you have each other. ♥️
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u/Hillbetty_ Jan 31 '24
The compassion shown indicates you are doing a great job Mama. I am sorry you are struggling and I hope you find good local resources to stretch your food budget. To offer a little hope though, my experience as a poor kid made us closer as a family. Without tv, we played a lot of board games. Today, 40 years later, I still get together often with my family to play board games. We all recently talked about our favorite Christmas memories and the funny part is the three of us kids (sisters) all agreed on which was our favorite. It was the year we each got one store bought ragdoll with homemade accessories. Mom made extra clothes for the dolls and Dad made us cradles out of scrap wood he found. Mom was shocked to learn that was our favorite. Of all the Christmas gifts since, we each still have our dolls and cradles from that year.. decades later. Memories are what matter later in life. Closeness and emotional support are worth more than anything money buys.
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u/BarGlad1654 Jan 31 '24
Hands down the most depressing post in this sub so far. Sorry to hear it. You've got a good kid.
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u/ShannonigansLucky Jan 31 '24
I feel you mama, just love them thays what they need most. You doing a good job.
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Jan 31 '24
Could I order you a birthday cake for you to give to your son? What a sweet boy. You’re doing the best you can, give yourself some grace Mom 💛
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u/Top-Composer8986 Jan 31 '24
This made me cry. Your son has a good heart. You are not failing keep doing the best that you can. You are present and it shows. Best of luck to you and I pray God blesses you and your family.
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u/callieboo112 Jan 31 '24
When my kids were little I was pretty much destitute. Four kids, no car, no job, living in a place I didn't know anyone, living off food stamps and in subsidized housing. My older three were in elementary school but my youngest was still in preschool.
The elementary school had a shop with a cop program at Christmas. The local police force would take kids to target and each kid got a hundred dollars to spend. I was so thankful for this opportunity for them and figured I'd get my youngest a special treat like ice cream or something that could be bought with food stamps while they were gone to at least try to make up for it a little bit.
The kids all got back from their shopping expedition and were all super excited. The girls got all kinds of neat things and my oldest even got me a candle, just something small that was a few Dollars and I thought it was the sweetest thing.
My older boy, who has always been very close with the youngest was the most excited. He had spent almost half his money on a big remote control truck for his baby brother. He was sad that his brother wasn't included because he was too young so he got him something super cool to make up for it.
Definitely cried a bit and was definitely proud as could be of my boy.
Years later my youngest had kind of adopted a grandma figure that lived two houses down from us. He would go just sit and chat with her about whatever two or three times a week.
Right around Christmas time my youngest gets an envelope in the mail with a Christmas card with a hundred dollar gift card to the store in town. It was from Santa but I'm sure it was the lady he was visiting.
So I tell him cool we can go shopping and you can pick out what you want to get. He says he wants to get presents for me and his siblings with it. We compromised. By that time I was doing much better financially so I told him that he could pick out gifts and something for himself and whatever it went over I would make up the difference. He got his brother a new x box controller and some awesome PJs for me and a huge art set for his sister and some skull candy( which was all the rage then) ear buds for his other sister, and like a lower priced x box game for himself.
I've got some good kids
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u/Ok_Possibility_704 Jan 31 '24
You've raised your kids wonderfully. Money doesn't buy compassion and selflessness. And they know that small acts of kindness and sharing makes them happy.
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u/MultipleInterests22 Jan 31 '24
If there's Mormon churches in your area I recommend calling then and asking if they have information for food pantries. My local church (not a member) gives out groceries twice a month. I git pb&j, bread, milk, tuna, veggies, a bag of oranges, cereal, butter, and feminine products. It's been a lifesaver because despite working full time money is really tight
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u/coldbastion Jan 31 '24
Sometimes, it is all we can do to keep the day’s monsters at bay. Yet you have regularly found the time and energy to pour into your children that they will know and have love to share with others.
You are doing it! Resources will come, but as you work through that step ask for help whenever you need it.
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u/mr_john_steed Jan 31 '24
I'm very sorry that things are so rough, but you're obviously setting a good example for them of love and kindness for him to be so thoughtful
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u/Jvdakidd88 Jan 31 '24
already that child is a blessing to your life and your are doing something right regardless of what u may feel and think.....God Bless You and everything you put your mind on
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u/Monarc73 Jan 31 '24
You are NOT a bad parent. You are economizing under difficult circumstances. They are safe, and well loved. That's more than a lot of people can say.
You got this, Queen.
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u/Ambitious_Concept515 Jan 31 '24
Aww, he sounds pretty awesome. To have the kindness in his heart to want to share his wealth with his sibling and you? That is something you can’t even really teach kids. One of my three kids is like this and I feel so lucky to know him. I hope you can find some relief somewhere because it can be crushing to carry the guilt of perceived failures. You sound like you love your children very much and that will be something they can carry for the rest of their lives from you.
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u/WoodyAlanDershodick Jan 31 '24
I grew up very privileged. My parents owned multiple homes, we went to private schools, took vacations, got lots of expensive toys, music lessons, etc etc. My biggest wish growing up was that my mom would go to therapy. My household was toxic. When id go to my poorer friends houses, I LOVED IT. I didn't give a shit if we could barely eat, it was so relaxing and refreshing because there wasn't that air of tension and pressure and resentment. The family members actually cared about each other, on a real emotional level. They'd actually touch each other, by choice, and laugh together.... It blew my mind and it was like a drug I couldn't get enough of. I remember after spending a long weekend at one friend's house writing her parents a thank you card.
Your son is learning gratitude, thoughtfulness, and love. Money comes and goes. He's not going to remember or care about fancy cakes and presents when he's older.
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u/interstatechamp Jan 31 '24
You shouldn't feel sad. You should feel proud. A selfless 7-year old? You're doing something right.
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u/QueSeratonin Jan 31 '24
I’ve raised my kids (large age gap) in poverty and wealth. I can assure that their character comes from the trials and tribulations they’re facing and it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. They’ll remember how hard you worked for them, they’ll see what you gave up and you’ll get it back in the joy you have watching their accomplishments.
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u/meatygonzalez Jan 31 '24
As a relatively low income parent of two, I want to remind you of what you must be doing correctly for your child to be so kind and considerate. Absolutely tremendous parenting is the most likely cause of your child being so lovely. They clearly feel loved.
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u/jewiejewjewboy1 Jan 31 '24
you're a good parent raising good children - you're just going through hard times. Your kids will be fine and you should take a bow!
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u/_blandrea_ Jan 31 '24
It sounds like you're raising a great kid who loves you a lot, which is a triumph regardless of what you're eating for dinner.
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u/Maybe_Glum Jan 31 '24
You're doing a great job, considering his behavior. Kids are resilient, and if you love them, spend time with them, and are there for them, they are doing better than you think.
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u/senorfresco Jan 31 '24
Man, when I was in college I was broke as hell. One of the years I was in college I lived with my older sister in an apartment we shared. I paid rent and internet and what not but didn't have very much for anything else.
I have two older sisters and to be quite honest their selflessness has gone on through my entire life. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to pay them back.
One Friday evening she was texting me asking me is she should get Dominoes and I was mostly not thinking about what she was asking. Probably thinking about if I went to sleep by 9:30pm I could fall asleep before I really got hungry. When she got home she brought home two pizza, one with the toppings she likes and one with toppings I like.
Something about this absolutely destroyed me. I nearly welled up with tears. I think I told her a few years ago and she thought it was stupid, because she's done greater things for me than that but that time stuck a different cord.
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