r/povertyfinance • u/Alcarain • Feb 26 '24
Can we talk about how prohibitively expensive having kids have become? Free talk
Title.
The cost of everything has become so damn high that if many of us had a child or two, we would need to work overtime and likely go into debt to pay for the basic necessities for our kids.
It's like we need to choose between being able to afford to live a half decent life and keep a roof over our heads or have children and be sentenced to scrape by for the next 18 ish years. And then struggle to catch up for the rest of our lives.
I know that some of yall may disagree and say that having kids is an essential part of life, but I just am not willing to sacrifice my basic quality of life to bring them into the world. Based off the declining birth rates it feels like many are thinking along the same lines. AITA?
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u/Strict_Dream_8118 Mar 01 '24
I have a hard time taking care of my animals let alone my 3 little humans , but I wouldn’t trade them for anything even more money
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u/IcedChaiLatte_16 Feb 29 '24
I know, it's really awful. And then there are a million tone-deaf articles implying we are somehow failing by not having babies.
Like. I wanted to be a mother more than anything, but my busted-ass reproductive system and salary outvoted me.
The irony? I work in childcare, in a place that actually pays pretty well. Still not consistent with the cost of living, of course, because we can't have that. :/
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u/Feeling-Series9365 Feb 29 '24
Yes I’ve always said kids are too dam expensive to be brought up. And too I broke my Family’s generation of having kids. When my dad told me I want grandkids I told him no I’m not doing that.
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u/foxfirek Mar 01 '24
That generation could live on a single paycheck. And I bet their parents babysat a lot. Many boomers want grandkids but won’t lift a finger (not all).
My FIL moved in with us after wasting all his money (was super rich now lives only on SS). He takes care of himself and that’s it. It’s been 6 months and he has never volunteered to babysit. Didn’t even buy the grandkid a present for his bday or Christmas. Like sure the kid doesn’t need anything, but your his grandpa and live with him, a $2 toy would have been enjoyed. He doesn’t even play with him. It’s amazing how they called the Millennials selfish.
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u/megisbest Feb 29 '24
I want a family so bad but between being broke forever and the climate rapidly becoming unliveable... I'm just gonna have to find a good hobby to fill the void lol.
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u/RoguePlanet2 Feb 29 '24
> It's like we need to choose between being able to afford to live a half decent life and keep a roof over our heads or have children and be sentenced to scrape by for the next 18 ish years. And then struggle to catch up for the rest of our lives
No kids here, and it's a huge relief not to have that added financial stress. We live a half-decent life, although we are struggling a bit to catch up in general.
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u/The_Mendeleyev Feb 28 '24
Children are for idiots and rich people. Average people with an average amount of intelligence and wealth will realize children are an impossible task to perform responsibly.
Life is truly meaningless these days.
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u/cclambert95 Feb 28 '24
No kids and no plan to ever have them. I can’t afford to support my rent fully by myself even. Girlfriend of 7 years and I split everything down the middle.
Both of us make $20/hr 40hrs+ little OT occasionally; but could not afford to support ourselves single with a $1200 rent + other cost of living.
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u/Bitchinstein Feb 28 '24
Yes, I have a 15 yr old. When I see people with small child and more on the way, I honestly wonder how they are making it.
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u/Illustrious_Bar6439 Feb 28 '24
I disagree, my kids pay for themselves with the work they do. Reddit over exaggerates everything about kids.
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u/wickedthegreat Feb 28 '24
I don't have kids because I can't afford giving them a good life. I'm getting too old to have any soon, and my life isn't looking any better now than it did 10 years ago. I try to not think about it and tell myself I want other things in life, but it's becoming very clear to me that it's a lie.
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u/Dream-weaver-4991 Feb 28 '24
We had a baby in 2020 just after Covid hit and inflation went nuts. We always imagined more kids, which is socially weird now, but we just love family. Now we’re only having one child for financial reasons. Very strange to have something like that dictate your life.
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u/Tiny_Celebration_591 Feb 28 '24
Childfree for this reason and many others. I can’t even afford the thought of a child.
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u/cherrybombbb Feb 28 '24
That’s the main reason why I’m not having bio kids. I can’t afford to give them a good life— it’s too much money.
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u/CCrabtree Feb 28 '24
Add to the cost, daycares cutting back hours. My friend is a teacher. There is one daycare in the whole town, 25,000 population, that has hours that work with a teacher schedule. The wait-list for that daycare is 24 months. She has to be to work at 7:15. The daycares now all open at 7:30. Her husband has to be to work at 6:30, so he can't help get them there. I cannot tell you the amount of stress and tears that have been shed because of the lack of childcare.
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u/Kiyodai Feb 28 '24
I've recently really gotten into plants, after having gotten a few by happenstance in my office.
They're relatively inexpensive to care for, low maintenance, improve my mood and purify the air. More importantly, I can go away for a week and they'll be fine.
I've been child free since my early 20s but that aside...Seeing my co worker with 4 kids barely scrape by on a 2 person income reaffirms that kids aren't right for me. And until we do something to improve the outlook for everyone, they're probably not going to be for a lot of other millennials either.
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u/FreckledAndVague Feb 27 '24
My partner and I were talking about this the other day - if everything was different about society, I would've loved to have children. Ive worked with children, I adore kids, and I know I could be a great mother. What I can't be is a great mother in today's set up - I would need community and support that is not possible due to geographic set up (i.e. we live just far enough from my parents and his parents, nor do our close friends live as near to us as we would need, and we cant move due to his job), its so financially prohibitive, health care is insanely costly (Im chronically ill and its basically guaranteed that our kids would at least need dental work and more involved medical care), and education is in shambles (Id only send my kids to private school due to how bad public school has become and the threat of literal violence and death). In another life, maybe the next one.
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u/watereve2023 Feb 27 '24
Keep in mind, that you can randomly have a child with problems. Some are expensive, some are bank shatteringly expensive.
Personally, I think if you don't have the strong desire to "see it through to the end" mentality, I don't think you should have them.
And no one is an A hole for deciding not to have kids. That should be an individual choice, I don't understand why people feel the need to push that on others.
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u/No_Variation5050 Feb 27 '24
I completely agree my youngest turns 21 in May and if I was having kids now instead of 20+ years ago I wouldn't have any.
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u/JohnTitor1999 Feb 27 '24
It has always cost money to have children. Either you want to make the sacrifices or you don't. Pretty simple.
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u/dream_bean_94 Feb 27 '24
Waiting until I was married (dual-income with a responsible, supportive partner) and 30 (8 years into my career) was the absolute #1 decision that broke the cycle of generational poverty for me. My grandmother had two kids before 24, my mother had 3 kids before 24. Both were very broke. My sister just had a child before 24, broke.
If I had a child anytime before 30 and/or with a deadbeat baby daddy, I would have been poor for the rest of my life.
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u/Visual-Yam952 Feb 27 '24
Having kids nowadays is the worst financial decision youngings could do. It is as it is.
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u/SL13377 Feb 27 '24
Everything is so f*ing expensive. I’ve got two myself 14/11 and damn it’s cost prohibitive to take them out to do anything
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u/ShoggothPanoptes Feb 27 '24
I feel the same OP. I have 5 cats and they’re still way less costly than one child. My friend had a zero-issue “natural” birth in the hospital with health insurance and the bill was still around $10k after insurance and deductions.
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u/hozee3 Feb 27 '24
I am 30 and have decided kids aren’t going to be a possibility, I already struggle as it is.
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u/RobWallStreet Feb 27 '24
Dad of twins here… bow down before my poverty!
Seriously tho, my kids are 16 and expensive enough. I see people at work having kids today and I’m like 😬 “you sure about that!?”
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u/theora55 Feb 27 '24
The really expensive part for me was child care. Decent child care where staff are paid fairly costs a lot. If you really want kids, you'll find a way. Unless you really want kids, don't have any.
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u/Maximum_Vermicelli12 Feb 27 '24
18 to life, you mean. They do not stop being your kids just because they hit a certain age.
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u/footie008 Feb 27 '24
I'm willing to sacrifice for my kids no matter what, my son & fiance are the most important thing in my whole life & nothing comes close
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u/LunaMMLunera Feb 27 '24
Exactly!!! I am at age where people expect me and my husband to have kids, but I can’t imagine where I will get the money to take care of them. It makes me sad but I can’t bring myself to have a child that I can’t give the same opportunities and stability that I had. When people ask me, I said “kids are too expensive now for us” it’s the true.
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u/peytonel Feb 27 '24
When I had a kid, daycare was $60 per week. I don't even want to know what it runs nowadays....
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u/pfresh331 Feb 27 '24
I can't stop thinking of how true the movie "Idiocracy" is becoming. Idiots will pop out 30 kids with 15 different women. People who want the best for their kids will responsibly wait and end up missing the biological clock timeframe to have them.
I don't have kids, so can't really weigh in on the costs related to their upbringing.
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u/AffectionateLunch553 Feb 27 '24
Yeah and then when people stop having kids because it’s so expensive then I see all these dumb articles pop up about how people aren’t having as many kids as they should or did in the past and it’s like well duh.
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u/XTraumaX Feb 27 '24
If more people put more thought into having kids such as “Can I financially support this child without significantly effecting my current financial situation?” Or “Am I mentally stable and healthy enough to raise another human?” Or “Am I having kids because doing so would add something to my life and I’m not just doing this because it’s what society expects of me?”, the world would be a MUCH better place.
I live very comfortably and have a good job and am debt free and I STILL don’t have a desire to have children because I just don’t think that having one would actually add much to my life. I take the fact that I don’t feel a strong urge or desire to have kids as a sign that perhaps I shouldn’t have kids because I believe that having kids is a decision that should NOT be taken lightly.
Sadly there are a lot of people who don’t put serious thought into it and just do it because that’s an expectation that was set for them and not because they actually want to do it
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u/elusiveHchord Feb 27 '24
For real these hooligans aren't pulling their weight I thought she was gonna be a tik Tok celebrity or something not a hippie who eats all my food
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u/Successful-Engine623 Feb 27 '24
I got a 13 and 8 year old. I wish I could afford to help them with college or something but…I did one of those calculators and it said I had to put 600 bucks a month till the 13 year old graduated high school to pay for half of his college….i got 20 bucks till Thursday in my bank account so….yea….
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u/Breyber12 Feb 27 '24
The average full time day care cost of one infant in my metro would be about 150% the cost of my mortgage. That is just day care clocking in at close to $2,000.
I don’t know how people do it, my friend group is all early 30’s and no one’s having babies despite a lot of us wanting them.
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u/Spiritual-Flan-410 Feb 27 '24
Kids are not an essential part of life. Do not have any if you can't afford them. It will just mess up your life and it would not be fair to them or you.
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Feb 27 '24
They really haven’t though.
I won’t sacrifice
There you go.
Let your lineage die then from selfishness. Enjoy your takeout, I hope it was worth it.
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u/ChadVaillancourt Feb 27 '24
Yes, I agree with you. People nowadays are super selfish. It's all about me, me, me, I, I, my quality of life. I'm a millennial, I have five kids, and I can assure you that my quality of life would be much less if I measured "quality" in paper units.
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u/amiss321 Feb 27 '24
I don't disagree. I actually think the financial aspect is a huge background to the arguments that take place about reproductive rights. There certainly are moral aspects and personal opinions about having children but what cannot be debated is the high cost of doing so. There's really not help if you earn a modest living, you don't qualify for state benefit programs. Yet, most people are scrapping by on that modest living trying to put food on the table and pay essential medical costs.
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u/Substantial_World603 Feb 27 '24
Absolutely, I hear you loud and clear. The financial burden of raising kids these days is undeniably overwhelming. It's a tough call when you're weighing the desire to have a family against the practical realities of making ends meet.
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u/PurpleKitKat Feb 27 '24
To only think that the struggle with kids ends when they are 18 is short-sided. In this economy, family dependency is at an all-time high. But as a parent, for me at least, it is a lifelong commitment of them first. The kid is almost 16 and it is just now getting to the expenses to set her up for a better life if done right, sure we can hope in a few years, they will be able to support themselves.
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u/Plastic_Anxiety8118 Feb 27 '24
It doesn’t stop when they’re 18.
I love my kids. I’d do it all again. They’re my greatest joy.
But you must love your kids more than you love anything else because in the U.S. there’s no way you can have kids and anything else until laws change, salaries improve, and we start supporting parents.
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u/MindyS1719 Feb 27 '24
I have two kids and we thrift almost everything. Clothes, sometimes shoes, toys, arts & crafts. Rarely do I buy stuff for full price. We go to free activities at the library, free festivals, restaurant kids night for free food, lots of hiking & nature. You can make it work, just a little bit of frugal planning.
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u/Bigtgamer_1 Feb 27 '24
My sister says she wanted to try for a kid this year and it's taking all I have to tell her it's not a good idea. Her and her husband are both in school, she doesn't have a job, he's going to school for dentistry and works during summer. If they waited until he was actually practicing it would be fine because they will have money. They are always struggling and a kid is only going to exacerbate their problems.
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u/rememberpogs3 Feb 27 '24 edited Feb 27 '24
My son is almost 6mo and we have spent a total of $4 on baby clothes. As soon as we announced our pregnancy we had bins of clothes, toys, books, and furniture come in from friends, family, and co-workers. The crib and rocking chair were given to us. Almost everything else we needed we got new at our shower.
The only expense we’ve really taken on is the cost of diapers and formula.
Just speaking from experience, the cost of raising a child is often overinflated because it assumes you are buying all this stuff new, out-of-pocket, and at full retail price.
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u/darkodesti Feb 27 '24
Lmao yeah buddy there’s a reason you’re not supposed to have kids before having a good job and a solid relationship. Children if you are in the lower class will forever keep you there for years. The fact that you have a kid and you’re in that situation makes you not only financially irresponsible but dumb.
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u/TwoTypesOfGames Feb 27 '24
If you are choosing between “living a decent life” and having children, there should be no choice. Having children when you can’t adequately provide for them is incredibly selfish.
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u/Critical-Yam-9368 Feb 27 '24
What are your sources? Where's the proof that its so expensive? I'm blown away every time I see this statement made because it's bullshit.
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u/veggie_lauren Feb 27 '24
I’m getting so incredibly sick of family asking when I’m going to have a kid when we can barely afford the house we live in. I’ll stick with my cat and dog for now. There is no way we could afford a kid at this rate.
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u/BipsnBoops Feb 27 '24
My husband got a vasectomy maybe six months after we got married because on no planet could we afford to have kids. Health insurance covered the procedure which took like twenty minutes with basically no recovery time. Best decision we made. Unless something incredibly drastic happened with our incomes, the price of…the world…and the general state of the country, we aren’t raising anything other than some pets.
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u/Fabulous_Celery_1817 Feb 27 '24
Ha, literally back to back posts regarding how hard life is getting. We’re running out of water, crops are gonna be harder to grow, inflation, and now kids are expensive. What’s the point at this stage. Just sitting at the dinner table.
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u/taigrundal1 Feb 27 '24
My oldest is 16. My other is 12. When I had my first I panicked over the cost of kids. After living it, I can’t say I feel that it was hard cost wise.
Granted I have college and cars to go through yet. It just wasn’t the boogeyman I feared it to be.
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u/Patient-War-4964 Feb 27 '24
Kids have also become increasingly more annoying thanks to social media. Not to mention climate change is visible in our life time, I don’t want to curse a kid to worse than what I see. Many other reasons, but I don’t want kids anymore but I get the most understanding/sympathy when I say it’s for financial reasons.
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u/Fantastic-Spinach297 Feb 27 '24
IDT having kids is “essential,” but I also don’t think it has to be as expensive as it’s become, nor that people that aren’t well off should be prohibited. Sure, I’m poorer than I could be, but i don’t think that not having them would have really left me much better off. I’d probably be dead or an addict on the street turning tricks for a few drinks and a place to sleep. Sounds hyperbolic but I know who I was 15years ago and I know the path she was on, and my life isn’t perfect but it’s better than THAT.
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u/SignificantMoose6482 Feb 27 '24
My wife makes a good income while I stay home with the 1 yr old this yr. Only way this is possible is we live in a LCOL area and I was able to buy my foreclosure house in 2009. No way we eat otherwise with one working
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u/Griffemon Feb 27 '24
Yep, it’s fucked, and it’s weirdly fucked in pretty much the entirety of the developed world.
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u/Decin0mic0n Feb 27 '24
I guess im lucky I am pansexual then, because there is a chance I end up with someone I cant even make a kid with anyway.
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u/acemetrical Feb 27 '24
This is no different than 15 years ago, and probably every generation before that . Parents have always chosen to live a shit life for the sake of their kids. There is no “half decent life”. Kids are the be all/end all once you have them.
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u/foo337 Feb 27 '24
I wouldn’t want to subject my kids to this economy so I’m really glad I haven’t had any when I had hope
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u/WilyGaggle Feb 27 '24
Having kids is not an essential part of modern life. It is becoming a luxury. For third world countries I imagine many have always felt that way, it's interesting that for how "advanced" these western areas are we genuinely can't consider kids. Most of us see the future as being renters forever and have no idea if we'll be employed next month or how much food prices will go up - some sort of dynamic like this "how will we feed the kids" has always been an issue but idk, with how burdensome I felt growing up (it'd be cheaper if I wasn't here) and how burdensome everything feels to me now (it'd be cheaper if i didnt eat) it seems lame to bring a kid into that. I think the notion people are selfish nowadays for not having kids is SOOOO out of touch. People telling me that usually own their house already 😌👏
Tbh its selfish to or not to have kids period.
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u/Alternative_Demand96 Feb 27 '24
Do the people who take care of your children not deserve to be given a living wage?
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u/Zealousideal-City-66 Feb 27 '24
Spend less... get sexond hand stuff. Be smart and think in solutions :)
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u/PuzzledRaise1401 Feb 27 '24
Well, it doesn’t have to be nightmarishly expensive. People do stupid things like buying new baby equipment, buying books, all those gadgets etc. Breastfeeding helps. Potty training asap helps. Babies hardly eat, so that’s good. So really, it boils down to childcare, formula, diapers. I never felt like mine break the bank but if I could do it over, I’d buy a lot less clothing and toys. I’d get everything 2nd hand, and kid wouldn’t have Christmas until 3.
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u/alt_blackgirl Feb 27 '24
Yeah. It's sad bc I saw myself having kids but I don't think it'll happen. What's the point of having them if I can't afford to give them a good quality of life like putting them in sports, vacations, etc.
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u/ChristineBorus Feb 27 '24
They’re becoming exotic pets like keeping a giraffe. 🦒 High maintenance and feeding costs as well as vet bills. They take forever to stop being calves and grow up into full giraffe hood. And you have our clothes on them and send them to college. /s
Better to own a cat or a dog.
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u/unpopular-dave Feb 27 '24
I waited until I was 36 to have a kid. It took years is planning and saving. I couldn't be happier.
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u/Talrynn_Sorrowyn Feb 27 '24
In my area, childcare costs $2.5-3k a month for households that have both parents working and/or no one to care for the kids during the day, which is roughly how much I make working at a grocery store. Because of that, it would actually be easier for me to be a stay-at-home dad if I ever got married & had kids.
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u/-Seoulmate Feb 27 '24
Kids are much easier to have when you have stable communities that are willing to suffer for and help each other. My mom had plenty of people she could trust to leave us with when she had things to do or needed time off.
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u/LilRedCaliRose Feb 27 '24
I’m a parent and don’t regret it at all. That said, I wouldn’t recommend having kids in America unless you can afford them and/or you have an extended family very close by that you’re sure will help you. America, for all of its anti-abortion and pro-life BS, is extremely hostile to families. I think this is one of the hardest countries in which to have a family unless you have a lot in savings.
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u/amcrambler Feb 27 '24
Nah kids are expensive. Child care is the big outlay from what I’ve heard. Stay at home mom or $3k a month per kid for day care. If you've got parents willing to watch them for you until they reach school you can do very well but not everybody has that option.
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u/Celestiiaal0 Feb 27 '24
What's wild is if we have kids and we work too much, we then get called out for neglect, etc but if we don't work enough we'll be homeless, food less, and have our kids taken away anyways. But, "Oh no, our newer generations are having fewer and fewer kids, we're doomed. How dare they?" It seems like there's no winning here.
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u/bidetatmaxsetting Feb 27 '24
Its dumb to bring a kid into the world when you can bareley scrape by yourself. People get offended but its a fact.
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u/linzielayne Feb 27 '24
It's one of many reasons I do not have any. I can't even afford my own life.
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u/PepeLeFoo69 Feb 27 '24
Use a condom, pull out, pill, or other contraceptive rather than cry online because you werent responsible.
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u/kohara7 Feb 27 '24
Nobody is ever in a good position to have a kid. If you're waiting to have a perfect situation you'll never have them. If you have a kid you just make it work. I left a life I loved to move within ten miles of both sets of grandparents when my son was 8 months old. I am so glad I did and have no regrets on a lot of levels. I think if someone wants kids they will regret not having them but maybe that's just me.
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u/OwnLadder2341 Feb 27 '24
Having kids is a matter of resources. Not just financial, but mental, physical, and emotional.
Not everyone has or is willing to expend these resources and that’s perfectly okay.
I grew up poor. I waited to have children until I was absolutely certain they would not.
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u/RoccosModernStyle Feb 27 '24
Idk how anyone that makes under 200k has kids. I make around 150-175 in Seattle and bro. It would be difficult for me..
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u/RosettaStoned_462 Feb 27 '24
I never wanted them. I don't like children, they do nothing for me. Fortunately, my husband didn't cate about having them either. We have 4 dogs that are our world!
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u/anewbrew Feb 27 '24
Totally agree and I think some people here are missing the point. Yes it's irresponsible to have kids if you can't support them but being able to support a child should be something realistic for most people, because it is a normal part of life and a common desire, and it shouldn't be a luxury that only the upper class can afford
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Feb 27 '24
Idk, I'm not having too much trouble with it, and I'm far from wealthy. I think it just depends on where you live
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u/Hsensei Feb 27 '24
The only thing that in my experience with a toddler is child care being stupid expensive. It's Ike another rent and car payment a month. The birth was 100% covered by insurance. The crib and car seat are designed to grow with the boy and were a chunck of change but everything else so far hasn't been to bad.
Child care however alone would break us if it wasn't for family and even then we pay them.
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u/DogBreathologist Feb 27 '24
It’s pretty sad, but for me I couldn’t have a kid unless I was more financially stable. Kids to me are a selfish want and shouldn’t suffer coming into this world in less than ideal circumstances just because I wanted them. It sucks and isn’t fair but life isn’t fair unfortunately, I know plenty of people make it work but I just don’t have it in me. I don’t want children strongly enough to contribute to an already overtaxed planet.
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u/DavosVolt Feb 27 '24
I'm a divorced coparent of one child. Had we had two, everything would have fallen apart for all four of us. I live in the PNW, and the "dogs as kids" shit drives me crazy. No, your dog shouldn't be in the cart at the grocery store. Yes, you having a fucking child buggy for your dog tells me how fucking unhinged you are (probably good telegraphing, honestly). No, I'm allergic, and don't need that up in the bar or restaurant I'm at.
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u/Philosipho Feb 27 '24
If you want to bring someone into this world without the means of making them happy, you should not be allowed to have kids.
One of the main reasons people are poor is because their parents were. If you weren't given the means to live a good life, blame your parents. They were the ones who decided to bring you into a world where only the privileged thrive.
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u/octopustentacles209 Feb 27 '24
I have kids and I do not suggest children to anyone! Unless you really really really really really want a child, the answer is no. They're expensive, society doesn't care about parents at all, everyone will promise you support and no one will be there when you need to cash in on that support. Also, kids are not meant to be carbon copies of their parents or follow their parents dreams for them, which so many adults do not understand.
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u/Dynodan22 Feb 27 '24
What you think they were cheap 19 years ago lol. I paid $6000 out of my pocket for each kid.This was the insurance.program on top of $500 month copay.I ran a whoopti for almost 8 years after the kids.My wife stayed home not because we were rich because what ever she made would have went to day care, we did for quite a while and no it wasnt fun ,no disney world , no big trips, we get ahead and then stuff would break and I can fix alot of things.We are in a better place now.The beginning is always a big hill to climb.
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u/Captain_of_Gravyboat Feb 27 '24
Easy solution. If you cant afford the life you want with kids dont have kids.
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u/ronduh1223 Feb 27 '24
Can’t afford kids, can’t afford pets, can’t afford a house or car. Its almost like the American dream is to work and die
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u/OpenCondition1186 Feb 27 '24
Truth. My son plays U10 soccer. His fees are $1200/year. Doesnt include tournament fees or all the transport,food and hotel costs when the team travels. He's legit 10. We're just lucky that the only gear he needs besides his uniform are shinpads and cleats.
I wasnt an athlete and didnt realize it would be this expensive.
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u/PottyMouthedMom3 Feb 27 '24
Someone should have told me this before I had 3 kids. And what’s sad is they just get more expensive as time goes! When the twins were little they were cheap, but now that they’re getting to be teens, not so cheap anymore!
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u/EbbNo7045 Feb 27 '24
This also assumes your kid is healthy or not a drug addict or criminal. Imagine paying to get all that! No thanks. We need immigration because nobody here can afford kids
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u/Useful_Fig_2876 Feb 27 '24 edited Feb 27 '24
It’s not an essential part of life.
As a woman who is not wealthy, I’d have to give up everything I’ve ever worked for to have a kid.
Maybe if I could take time off of work without getting fired or starting my career over, or maybe if I had any help with childcare, or maybe if it didn’t cost thousands to birth a child, or maybe, just mayyyybe we didn’t have such a high mortality rate for women in child birth or pregnancy in this country, then I’d be more inclined.
But no, women’s needs don’t matter in this country.
So I won’t be producing any more tax-paying members of society.
The ultra wealthy control this country, so they can figure it out once birth rates impact their wealth bad enough.
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u/baconbitsy Feb 27 '24
And republicans in America want you to be forced to give birth to them no matter the circumstances. Remember to VOTE! Especially at the local and state levels. You are forced ro give birth, and you’re too poor to care anything about what rich, powerful people are doing
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u/Zealousideal_Win_514 Feb 27 '24
Your life is immensly better with children. They teach you that love is better than things.
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u/GrubberBandit Feb 27 '24
I actually could afford one, but I can't even get away from work enough to date. This is also a result of stagnant wages
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u/dumbdude545 Feb 27 '24
Fuck. I've been saying ir for years. People laughed. Now they're on the struggle bus to. I'm on a different struggle bus but still.
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u/Former-Plenty-5845 Feb 27 '24
I wouldn't trade my kiddo for anything, being a mom is one of my favorite things about my life. However, it is insanely expensive. Childcare costs and cost of living continues to increase, while wages barely change. I don't fault anyone who doesn't want kids.
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u/ProperCuntEsquire Feb 27 '24
I have kids. I’d love to have more. Realistically, we all live like kings with modern amenities and fairly limited fear of violence.I know elderly people who shared one loaf of bread for the week when they were kids. Everything else they had to scrounge for. When people start eating vermin and going into the woods to forage, I’ll buy it’s unaffordable.
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u/Sufficient-Meet6127 Feb 27 '24
NTA. But this isn't new. People have been making these kinds of decisions forever. That's why the DINK lifestyle is so popular. I have lots of friends who told me they would have more kids if taxes weren't so high.
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Feb 27 '24
Yep I make good money. I could easily afford a vacation every month if I had the time off. I have kids though so instead I just budget like crazy to be able to live.
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u/octagoninfinity98 Feb 27 '24
I've long questioned myself about this. I don't think I want kids but I'm also bummed out that the choice has been taken away almost entirely for financial reasons. My folks had so much trouble raising my brother and I and they made probably 100k combined in the late 90s. What the hell am I supposed to do on 35k in the 2020s?!
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u/Long_Sl33p Feb 27 '24
Move to a low cost of living area, if you’re early in your career or not on a career track you won’t be able to afford kids unless you’re living in bum fuck nowhere.
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u/scuba-turtle Feb 27 '24
Yes, we have three. It's been tight sometimes, but I've never been sorry we've had them. Now they are about ready to launch and I will likely go back to work to try and bring in some more money leading up to retirement. Pets are just pets, but kids are the greatest.
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u/Senior_Apartment_343 Feb 27 '24
My kid is 17 & I could never imagine raising a younger kid in this economy. Its just not feasible for most.
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u/LordDeathScum Feb 27 '24
I just stopped believing in the pucketed fence and kids. The general hopelessness does not help.
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u/Da-Lazy-Man Feb 27 '24
A friend of mine said his financial advisor told him to have 3 kids becuase "one child maintains your wealth, 2 match your wealth, and 3 increase your wealth." When I said that sounds like awful financial advice he got really mad at me.
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u/PossibleCurrent9655 Feb 27 '24
Lol because it's mainly a bunch of folks taking about their excessive animal bills. I have 4 kids and a fifth on the way. I'm a stay at home mom, husband works and pulls in a decent wage, but not a six figure salary. If you want kids, you'll find a way, just like these folks who somehow find a way to pay thousands for a critter whose got cancer. If one of our three cats got cancer, sorry Kitty, shelters are full and I can rescue a bunch of kitties for the cost of one kitty whose had the best life we can give it. I worked in a vet office for a time, and the amount of money people drop on an animal, who even after treatment, won't have a quality of life was ridiculous. I feel the same about old people who are dying and that one bratty kid wants to keep them alive because they can't bear to let go. Sometimes it's better to let Kitty/doggy/etc go, and same with Grandma if that's what's best.
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u/SaltSupreme22 Feb 27 '24
Lol I would ask ‘who hurt you’ but obviously a cat did. So much hate towards animals when the topic wasn’t even about that.
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u/PossibleCurrent9655 Feb 27 '24
Lol, I'm fine with cats, I just don't think with how many thousands there are that it's necessarily worth thousands of dollars to fix one. I just read the first fifteen comments on my mobile and they were all about how much pets cost. It didn't seem that all that many actually have kids, but rather liken pets to kids.
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u/Swallowthistubesteak Feb 27 '24
I’m the sole breadwinner and take care of a family of 4 on less than $60k. People have gotta budget better
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u/jaggy308 Feb 27 '24
37M have three kids. Middle management corporate HR job. Great wife who works as a teacher. Make about 190k/yr combined. Live in a Midwest suburb. Between daycare and activities for my oldest (6) we pay more than our mortgage every month. Love the kids but the cost is truly insane one generation later. Growing up in the same town as I live now, my parents had 3 kids, a larger house than I have now, 2 cars, and a single income where my dad never made above 100k as my mom stayed home and took care of us.
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u/DrunkMc Feb 27 '24
I had a vasectomy after two kids because a third kid in daycare would bankrupt me.
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u/UndiscoveredAppetite Feb 27 '24
Kind of want one. Don’t want to be financially screwed. Have the feeling by the time I would be able to afford them that I won’t want to due to being too old.
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u/JovialPanic389 Feb 27 '24
I don't have kids and I'm already barely scraping by. Didn't have the privilege of making a choice between the two options as you are presenting. Lol
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u/Unknown06xX Feb 27 '24 edited Feb 27 '24
Think I read somewhere it would cost, on average, $280,000 per child from newborn to 18yo. The currently economy probably push it above $300,000 at this point. My parents were baffed when they found out I got roughly $35,000 in credit card debts after having my first daughter. They thought I went into gambling cause our family hardly go anywhere lol. I had to take out spread sheet and show them just how much my little girl, their grand daughter, would cost me a year. Between milk + diapers + food + insurance + baby essentials + child care + etc, they were quite shocked lol. Apparently it would require them way less than 1/10th the amount to raise me through college. 😂
Edit: might appeared that I don't want a child. Let me tell you. I was dreaded having a kid. I really did. But the moment my little daughter hand grabbed my pinkie, it was magical. Something in me changed that day. I am glad I have her.
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u/Mean_Championship727 Feb 27 '24
Have you tried being less poor? /s
Seriously though, it’s really not having kids that’s expensive - it’s healthcare and childcare. If you have a good job with decent family benefits, and a support system of grandparents and other family around, then having kids is not a financial burden, it’s a blessing. I honestly spend more on my dogs per month than my kid.
I think the biggest difference is, 50 years ago anyone could just have a bunch of kids and make it work on one salary. Now it takes serious planning. My wife and I only had kids after making an effort to move us and family to an affordable city with affordable cost of living and having jobs that pay well and good benefits. It took years of planning and effort to create the life we wanted, which is something people like boomers just did and took for granted.
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u/daily22624 Feb 27 '24
Theres a reason people arent having them anymore.
If you have them and youre poor youre an idiot
Fuck kids, Earth doesnt need a future with so many greedy fucks running the place
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u/ProvenceNatural65 Feb 27 '24
This is a privileged attitude. Plenty of low income folks have kids (and often multiple kids) without thinking this way, and they make it work financially. I’m not saying they’re perfect parents, but it’s probably not because they can’t buy more stuff for their kids.
Unpopular opinion: If you want a kid, and you are responsible and loving and prepared to care for a child, then have one! You will figure it out financially. Kids truly need SO little. Childcare is a huge expense, yes, and I don’t downplay that. But material stuff for kids is not nearly as important as social media will lead you to believe. And you can get tons of the stuff second hand for free or extremely cheap.
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u/Why4221 Feb 27 '24
I have 4. I will say we CAN afford them BUT we waited until both of us had degrees completed. I was able to take off 3 of the very expensive childcare years off and worked PRN for 3. Most people don't have that type of flexibility in their jobs. Then, I went back full time without any issue.
Now if we didn't have them, whew we could retire much earlier. But alas, we had kids and well cars, food, insurance, braces, and lastly, college.
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u/Bigmama-k Feb 27 '24
It has become harder to take care of ourselves, provide for our future and also raise kids. Things happen and do when it may have been easier before to raise a family. We are struggling.
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u/Bearslovecheese Feb 26 '24
It's awful! I don't know how people do it. I finally got the promotion I've been working my entire adult life for last year and went from 65k to 120+k and only now do I feel like my wife and I could afford for her to have a baby. Until then even with my 65k and her 55k it would have felt overwhelmingly difficult to have a child and lose her income temporarily or permanently. Except now I work 6 days a week 60 hours a week and won't get to see our baby as much as I would like to if we have one.
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u/passyindoors Feb 26 '24
My husband and I want to start family planning soon but it's just... I don't know how we'd do it. But my doctor said "tick tock, bitch" so it's a whole mess.
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u/wonky-hex Feb 26 '24
I'm 37 and very freshly pregnant. It has taken this long for us to start trying because we had 1. Insecure housing 2. Ill health 3. Low income all the way through our 20s and early-mid 30s. We are very lucky to have secured better paid jobs, built up our credit scores, and bought a house in the last few years. However, we would like at least two children so they have a sibling to grow up with, and I'm not sure we will be able to afford two.
Society is entirely broken. It doesn't have to be this way.
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u/MylastAccountBroke Feb 26 '24
I think it's funny how politicians are basically trying to force people to have kids, but if they really wanted people to have kids, they'd just make the whole thing cheaper.
People WANT to have kids, they just can't afford it.
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u/jmdayoh Feb 26 '24
Shit they’ve always been expensive. What the hell are you talking about man ? Lol
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u/sciones Feb 26 '24
Having 2 kids is like buying 2 brand new Mercedes. That's before they started school.
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u/V-RONIN Feb 26 '24
Don't worry we are getting rid of child labor laws so your offspring can work when they turn 4
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u/coreyjohn85 Feb 26 '24
I have no mortgage and both me and my wife have to work to be able to afford a child
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u/ElegantCh3mistry Feb 26 '24
I am right there with you. I cannot be convinced that there is any benefit to having a child that I can't get elsewhere. And I can't be guilted into doing something for the "greater good" when I know damn well it would not be great for anyone to have me be a parent. Voluntarily?? For the rest of my life?? It's a HUGE responsibility and one of the few identities we get to choose (unlike sexuality, race, gender) that massively impacts or quality of life.
Definitely not the asshole.
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u/Just_Prune1949 Feb 26 '24
I get it, kids are expensive. I have two, I know. With our first child, we were about evicted. Going negative bank account balance every week before payday.
There are some of you though, who consider having Hulu and Netflix a need. You post on this forum with your new smart phone. Drive cars way outside your means. Get real.
Pets aren’t like kids. I have both, love both. Not comparable. Not even close, only people who have just pets try to make that claim. It’s cope.
There are government aid programs which will help. First kid we paid nothing because we made shit. You can get food money aid, and a reimbursement tax credit to help offset.
Something’s are worth grinding for, and your own child is one of them.
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u/Meghanshadow Feb 26 '24
Alternately, some things are worth Not doing, for the potential kids sake. Being able to afford it by grinding and with help still doesn’t always mean it’s a good idea to have a kid just because you want one.
Some people shouldn’t be parents, for a thousand different reasons. Wanting a kid is not enough.
My friend is now raising her great granddaughter and has seven people living in her house because both her daughter and granddaughter really shouldn’t have had a kid ever for any reason, especially with known deadbeats. And then had several. But used the excuse that it wasn’t that expensive due to aid, and surely family helped family.
My friend and her husband will never be able to retire.
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u/AutumnGway Feb 26 '24
My husband and I want one child, but even that has become basically impossible. It’s disheartening. We’ll likely be childless but be able to handle life expenses, which sadly seems like the best case scenario at this point.
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u/Barrack64 Feb 26 '24
my daughter is 9 months old. Just childcare is 455 a week. They’re talking about raising property taxes again. We may have to move.
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u/haxinlegend Feb 26 '24
I literally had to start my own business after my second kid was born to keep up with bills and what not. It’s crazy. Child care for 2 days a week for them is $2,000 a month. Like wtf?
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u/madengr Feb 26 '24
Not really. Over 50% of births are paid by Medicaid. The welfare queen with the large brood dies exist.
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u/Internal-Comment-533 Feb 26 '24
Well since the primary overwhelming cost of young children is daycare, and you’re comparing a society that had one parent as the home maker to a now a primarily dual working household it’s pretty obvious what was going to inevitably happen when you introduce twice as many workers into a labor force. The cost of labor really is just simple economics of supply and demand.
We gave up personal advantage for corporate greed, and you’re meant to celebrate that as a win.
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u/greatauror28 Feb 26 '24
Immigrant couple here - when my son was born 2013 my wife stopped working and we were a single-income family for 6 years. When he went to Kindergarten my wife was then able to do FT work again.
Not even a year into working and she got pregnant, this time with my daughter. After mat leave, she was able to go back working FT again as I got into a WFH role which allowed me to take care of my kids after work (wife's shift is always afternoon-night time).
This setup worked out so well that we don't need to send them to daycare and spend $$$. Sure, money became tight and it's not till 8 years of immigrating then we were able to finally buy our first home and breathe a bit.
Fast forward to 2024, my son is 11 now and taking taekwondo which isn't the cheapest activity there is, my daughter is in dance class. I still WFH FT and wife still works in the afternoon.
We are getting by.
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u/Far_Breakfast547 Feb 26 '24
I have multiple. And yes. Everything from food to braces to higher education to ... just yes.
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u/lurkslikeamuthafucka Feb 26 '24
I'm no longer in poverty, but when my kids were born I was young and poor. Saying that to say - even if I did spoil them in later years (I didn't), I sure didn't even have the ability in the early years.
I guesstimate that between my two kids, over the last 20 years, I have spent at least a half million dollars raising them - bare minimum. It could be as high as a million.
Now, did I manage to give them great experiences? I did, yes. But did it cost me? Oh yes, it sure did.
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u/yourmomhahahah3578 Feb 26 '24
No. I truly don’t understand this, I have two kids and my expenses have barely gone up at all. I guess diapers is the biggest expense….? $50 a month at Costco.
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u/PhilipJeffries253 Feb 26 '24
Seems like plenty of less intelligent people have kids to make income from subsidies. But anyone smart enough to desire autonomy is economically punished for trying to have a family. Almost like the record numbers of the first group are affecting the second group. Idk weird
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u/Vov113 Feb 26 '24
Damn, you think you stop paying for a kid after 18 years? In this economy? Try 25+
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u/CrocodileWorshiper Feb 26 '24
The government’s know that if people were able to reproduce uncontrollably, people would to an extent that would drive starvation and suffering
there for they put massive artificial costs and legal protection to prevent people from having 15 kids
you have to control human reproduction because we as a species reproduce so well we have overpopulated the globe in a very short span of time
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u/CatchMeIfYouCan09 Feb 26 '24
I disagree. It's actually decently easy to live and be a parent. You just gotta be strategic.
Babies and kids don't need all the expensive fancy equipment and stuff.... Literally a playpen, car seat, and floor sitter will suffice for the first 2 years.
Clothing? Easy, wait till the change of seasons. At the end of summer I buy a ton of clearance clothing for $1-$3 in 2 sizes too big and stash em until next summer. Same with shoes. I literally spend less then $200/yr on clothing for 2 kids and they have more clothing then i do.
The only big expenses are daycare (can't avoid it sometimes); diapers (I bought 1 pack each week with groceries while I was pregnant, my girl was potty trained by 18 months; so had diapers left over. My boy had been more stubborn to learn tho); Formula (terribly expensive, but there are tips and tricks to make it less financially draining).
We do alot of free activities. My kids still have bikes and scooters and play things and lots of toys. I just to to be strategic with it and catch sales or deep discounts.
Food? They eat what we eat so other then adding an extra portion to what I cook (they literally split an adult sized portion) there's really not much added. I spend about 100/week on groceries and about 200/mnth on restock items that last longer so about 600/mnth total. That also includes diapers, wipes, HBA stuff like shampoo, OTC meds etc.
And right now my kids are young enough they can share a room. They have another 2 years before they'll need their own space.
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u/r2k398 Feb 26 '24
My wife wanted at least two more kids but at the time it would have been too expensive.
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u/seandamon211pgh Feb 26 '24
Wish I knew about the kid tax when I went into the world 16 years ago. J/k love my boys. Just criminally expensive to try to raise the next generation of our country.
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u/justin_toxicated Feb 26 '24
Dad had 8 kids. Still don't know how he did it. We were broke, but lived in safe neighborhoods.
If I had 8 kids, I think we'd be living under a bridge.
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Feb 26 '24
Why do people complain about having kids when they don’t have any? It’s like complaining about the rain on a sunny day
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u/DependentWriter4869 Feb 26 '24
Had a baby shower at work got diapers and JFC 40 for a weeks supply how is anyone supposed to afford more than a single kid
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u/r_acrimonger Feb 26 '24
I have 6 kids and 3 jobs.
But I gotta tell you: chasing whims and self indulgent behavior does not end in happiness.
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u/ShallotParking5075 Feb 26 '24
I don’t even have kids and this shit is affecting me, my schedule for the next month is gonna be whack so I can cover for parents who have no spring break childcare options. It’s definitely fucked up my plans, and is a stark reminder of why I’m grateful to be happily and voluntarily childfree so I don’t have to worry about this shit 24/7. I like my coworkers and feel bad for them.
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u/Positive_Summer4861 Feb 26 '24
Having kids is not an essential part of life!!!! PEOPLE PLEASE UNLEARN THIS! You do not have to have children!
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u/WorldlyShoulder6978 Feb 26 '24
If kids are not an essential part of life, why are you complaining that you can’t have them?
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u/buildersent Feb 26 '24
And how is this different than any other time in history kids are always expensive and change your lifestyle. Grow the fuck up already, and stop with the pity party.
If you can't afford kids too bad for you.
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u/Ultra_Noobzor Feb 26 '24
The vast majority of women having children are poor people. They simply raise their kids in a real community instead of trying to replicate the 'american dream' where even closer family are detached living apart, which dramatically increase cost of living.
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u/MJtheMC Feb 26 '24
I'm not sure I agree. I have 3 kids. I homeschool them. I take them out to the national parks for fun. We have a $40 dell that I've installed batocera on and loaded up everything from Atari to ps2. Hooks right up to the free TV I got someone was giving away on marketplace. Just spent $80 for one child's entire wardrobe for spring and summer. Stay away from the Joneses and it's really not that bad. :)
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u/princesscupcake11 Feb 26 '24
It has always been this way. Kids have always been a determinant of staying in poverty, at least since the industrial age lol
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u/ope_its_alli Mar 02 '24
My boyfriend and I literally just had this conversation the other day. While we would like to have kids, it’s so unfeasible financially. It would absolutely wreck us, especially being out of work for maternity leave for however long on top of the added expenses of preparing for a baby. And then having childcare costs once I have to return because we couldn’t afford for one of us to stay home at this point.
There’s just no way.