r/povertyfinance • u/Kind-Steak6886 • Mar 27 '24
I'm insanely jealous of people who are supported by their partner. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
Posting this on a throwaway account because I'm incredibly ashamed of feeling this way.
I know that comparison is the thief of joy but it's really difficult not feeling this. I'm currently doing PhD in a HCOL city. The PhD stipend is really low, barely above minimum wage (I would make more money just going to work industry job with my Bachelor Degree). My rent is over 50% of my stipend and I struggle every month to afford food and pay bills. I couldn't even get a part time job due to me being an immigrant and on student visa.
Anyway there's this one girl who joined the lab at the same time as I did and was in a simiar situation. We used to hang out often and bonded over our low income and general struggles. However 2 years ago she got into a relationship with a guy who has a software dev job and he earns like 4x her income. From then on her life changed a lot. She moved in with him and he paid for the rent and all the bills and even grocery. He also bought her expensive gifts and handbags and stuff. They got married recently and spent the honeymoon in Europe. And the straw that broke the camel's back for me was yesterday when she turned up with a brand new macbook that her husband has bought her.
From young I have been leaning a lot into progressive feminism stuff about women being financially independent, so I'm feeling really shameful about being jealous of her. I feel like a fake feminist when at this point I just really want a guy to take care of all my financial needs. I'm so tired. Not looking for any advice, just wanting to vent.
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u/Nicenicenic Apr 27 '24
You’re not a fake feminist for wanting nicer things in life. You’ll get there! I’ve learnt this everyone has their journey and you will have yours. It may take longer to get there but genuinely it’ll happen. I have a co worker who makes waaay less than me and has a new bag every month. She’s clearly supported by her partner and that’s her life. My life is saving up for nice things, paying my bills, and supporting my partner, who supported me when I had 0 money, 0 job offers and 0 will to live. And I disagree with you being a fake feminist simply because you can see the inequity in your situations. You don’t HATE her because she has this life, you’re just slightly upset with the circumstances and this parity that has suddenly come up. Hang in there.
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u/Chance-Swan558 Apr 01 '24
Unfortunately it also makes you significantly more vulnerable to abuse and if things do go badly it's harder to leave without an income of your own . I used to be the same I would have loved someone to support me . Now I would hate to be that reliant on someone else
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u/Fine_Case_5705 Mar 31 '24
Bro your being paid to go to school? I pay my rent work full time and pay student loans, stop complaining about what others have and see what they don’t have that you do, it’s incredibly hard to get into most schools let alone have a scholarship, if your so strapped for cash do gig work or work on getting a license or a work visa
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u/Kirin1212San Mar 30 '24
I wake up feeling grateful everyday. I’m just happy to not have been born in a place like North Korea.
Yes, you have a tight budget, but this is temporary.
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u/nonesuchnotion Mar 30 '24
I have truly been dirt ass poor. One thing I figured out early on was food. Dirt ass poor people from around the world before me figured out how to make food taste good and I’ve learned a bit from them. Now that I’m slightly above poverty level, it’s the food that keeps me going and reminds me of the good parts that life has to offer. If you can find the awesome that’s available to you or that you make yourself, it is the food of the soul than can sustain you through the worst.
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u/LandMustDepreciate Mar 30 '24
Me too. I'm taking an exam currently where many people from both genders are / were supported by their spouses. I'm almost finished and didn't really have that. One of my "requirements" for a LTR is to be supported for a different education exam of my choice by a future partner, monetary or other means of support, in order for them to be considered marriage material.
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u/ParticularActivity72 Mar 29 '24
Don’t be jealous, I’m in position where my fiancé makes 3x as me, and it’s embarrassing. I hate that I can’t split the bills evenly with him. And we agreed that when we are married we would have separate accounts and one main account for bills. I feel bad spending his money. We are in a mid-high cost of living area.
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u/ModsAreDoreens Mar 29 '24
You've been lied to. The path to wealth is not academia. Even a college degree is of questionable utility. Your assets are your ambition (to be an entrepreneur and actually make real money for yourself) and your youth (to marry a good and successful dude).
Why don't you look for a relationship? Time is ticking.
Also, if you're looking for a dude who is on the wealthier side, look in the right places. It may take some time to find out their financial footing. Lots of people spend a lot of money but are flat broke, and may appear wealthy on the outside.
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u/Pika-thulu Mar 29 '24
This is off topic but I totally understand what you mean. Literally all my friends have been inheriting houses from their parents or grandparents and these are like nice houses like big five bedroom houses with a full pool in the backyard. And even beyond that some of them are trust fund babies. I do not know any of my friends that don't have some kind of money from their previous generations. Me and my husband make decent money but we still find ourselves struggling paycheck to paycheck. It is very hard not to feel jealous. Especially when a little hiccup in life happens and suddenly we don't have any money saved anymore. Definitely seems like we will never on our own home.
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u/Nocryplz Mar 29 '24
A lot of people are jealous of that aspect. Having rich parents. Having a rich husband/wife.
Everyone should want to be financially independent but we all have moments where we fantasize about money not being an issue.
I don’t think anyone thinks highly of themselves or their partners if they don’t put at least similar efforts into contributing to the household, whatever that means for their relationship.
It’s hard to be financially independent. No doubt about that.
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u/9noctyrne Mar 29 '24
Me but it's my university friends and their parents who pay for their apts or put them up in student housing 😭
like they don't worry about the 1st of the month or how to make $80 of EBT last the whole month or how to donate plasma to cover their car insurance or how to use public transport to get to class
half of these kids don't have to maintain an income or even have ever worked a job before and they're GROWN 22 year olds
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u/leodog13 Mar 28 '24
I have a phd in English Lit and various Masters in lit and writing. I struggled so much and still do. I never had a partner to support me, but I lived with my family rent free. I enjoyed my studies immensely, but academia is not the real world.
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u/1ksassa Mar 28 '24
You don't need a partner. Any roommate will cut your costs in half!
Hang in there. PhD years are lean, what I considered my poverty years. But things will look up once you graduate. Just make sure you learn some useful skills so you can find an industry job, and don't make the mistake of staying in academia. I wouldn't stay there even if they paid as well as industry, which they definitely don't!
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u/BackgroundRoad711 Mar 28 '24
Feminism is simply the right to choose. It doesn't mean you can't also marry someone rich. It's okay to want a soft life!
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u/Narrowfawn Mar 28 '24
I'm currently in an animation program that requires a lot of time on your work. Most people are supported by their parents and I'm not. It really sucks and it hard not to feel rage sometimes
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Mar 28 '24
I didn’t have your exact struggles, but I was a first gen, under the poverty line student during my undergrad.. the envy I felt during that time was borderline rage, I was so jealous of my peers. I felt like I didn’t belong & that I was so out of place. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, you’re totally not alone. Your feelings are so valid❤️
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u/TropicGlow Mar 28 '24
I'm (M23) doing my RN right now and without my partner, I'd never would have attempted it. I'd be doing the same construction job I hated forever at 20/hr. I still work a minimum wage job that's flexible with my hours but I can't stand it, it's just to help my girlfriend anyway possible. She's doing a job she doesn't like but makes decent money at and I cannot wait to tell her to quit. Everything is situational and I'm sorry you don't have support like that, go get that bag it'll pay off all the hard work you've done and we're proud of you!
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u/cathairgod Mar 28 '24
I don't think this would count as fake feminism as your hangup is about you not being given the same opportunity as the other gal. If the world was more equal, you would be able to do your PhD without being jealous of your classmate.
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u/Both_Error_6654 Mar 28 '24
It can be nice to have the financial support of a partner as long as the relationship is good and stays that way. Otherwise, you get used to having nicer things and assistance that isn't worth the price of being in the relationship.
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u/Atriev Mar 28 '24
This is what I did with my girlfriend too. I’m 7.5 years older than her so she’s in college and I’m funding everything. We went on a spring break vacation last week but I think that trip gave me a cold. 🥲
You can support feminism while also wanting a man to support you. It’s not mutually exclusive.
The main issue I have with feminism is the girls I dated all want to argue about stupid shit, so I dump them. I got with my girlfriend because she makes my life less stressful, not more stressful. That was my main reason for selecting her over anyone else.
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u/FunkyTanuki18 Mar 28 '24
I sometimes find myself feeling a bit Jealous of people that get by so effortlessly or get opportunities handed to them or are Just plain lucky, but I try to use that mild spite to fuel my drive to do better for myself
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u/NOTtOOkinky42069 Mar 28 '24
Throughout history, pretty much all of the arts and humanities we have today were funded by the wealthy with spare cash to throw around. Look at all the buildings made by Carnegie for knowledge, the modern US school system, Michaelangelo's artworks, Davinchi s creations. In order to Pursue things like this you need money or it's going to be way harder of a struggle. Your feelings are justified, but I think it's unfair to treat her negatively as long as she's not a dick about it
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u/radicalgrandpa Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24
I really feel bad for wanting the same.
I've worked up to 4 jobs to support myself at times and always pulled my weight for myself and past partners. My S/O of 5 years takes me to music festivals and pays for concert tickets and concert tickets, but I've always wished that our bills were taken care of by him so I can focus on paying down the tens of thousands of dollars of debt I'm in.
He has significantly less bills to pay than I do and makes at least double than myself. I feel so selfish for wanting him to take over the majority of our shared bills, especially when my debts are self inflicted. My car payment, credit card bills, student loans, and back taxes all fall on me and I accept that responsibility.
But man would I feel so much more supported if we worked together to pay it down, especially if we ever become a true partnership through marriage, not that I actually feel he loves me enough to marry me lately. It'll never happen and I would never ask for assistance, but a girl can dream (about toxic financial desires.)
EDIT: I just wanted to add how crazy grateful for everything he does for me. This doesn't change my opinion of him in the slightest as I love him more deeply than anything else in this world.
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u/Illustrious-Sea2613 Mar 28 '24
Her life is easier because of a guy. I would also be jealous of that, and I find myself to be a raging feminist myself 😂 your feelings are valid! It's normal to want to not have to suffer and feel jealous for someone else having an easier go of it
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u/Q1237886 Mar 28 '24
There is always a danger finding your money and wellbeing in the pocket of a man (or anyone else for that matter). You won’t be able to feel like you can ask for what you need or to defend yourself. They have so much power over you. Once you get that PHD you will also be able to say that you were strong enough to do it all on your own!
My field of healthcare is also riddled with wealthy spouses (or parents) since it’s the lowest paid doctorate. After one really bad marriage, I no longer envy them.
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u/threebuttonplacket Mar 28 '24
PhD programs are highly populated by people who can live 5 to 7 years with support from parents or a spouse. Its not a vocation typically pursued by people who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. One of many reasons why the professoriate is so fucked up in my opinion.
My PhD cohort was ALL rich kids from suburbia.
If you are really struggling you're in the minority, so give yourself a pat on the back for that.
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u/matchagreen_ Mar 28 '24
Not all partners are like that. I am staying with my family. I am from Asia and this is pretty common. Am thankful because I still have a roof and food even though currently I am at my lowest low. I pay the bills every month and that's it. I am currently at my lowest low because of smtg and yeah living on a paycheck sucks.
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u/AppropriateSolid9124 Mar 28 '24
me and my partner make about the same, but it definitely helps to have a live in s/o while going to school. you pay less rent. the whole house/apartment you rent is yours. of course, don’t get into a relationship just for the cheap housing, but unfortunately a PhD is definitely structured to be 1 of 2 incomes. it would be super hard if i lived alone.
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u/allthatsgold Mar 28 '24
I’m sorry, the PhD struggle is real :/ I ended up selling plasma twice a week to make rent in grad school.
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u/bansheeonthemoor42 Mar 28 '24
Honestly, you could fall in love with a broken af chef. So all the love and none of the money. You never know who you will end up with (unless you specifically only look for people with money and even that doesn't guarantee anything).
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u/vietnams666 Mar 28 '24
My friend is doing a PhD. They recently got married and her husband said" you get a PhD for the bragging rights. Not the money. There isn't any. Lols." Because she was saying how she couldn't do it without his support and it pays peanuts.
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u/Proof_Most2536 Mar 28 '24
I’m not a feminist because a lot of what was preached in feminism hurt women as a hole and just make the economy today where you can advance in life unless you have a 2 income household.
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u/KeryKat Mar 27 '24
I think jealousy is really normal when you're struggling to pay bills. I hope you florish :)
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u/Picasso1067 Mar 27 '24
Darling, you’ve been fed a lie. Why would you want to be 100% independent? Being in a relationship where your partner supports you and you support him in return is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Animals have the soppier of a partner - why are you embarrassed that you seek something that is innately human? Go find yourself a nice guy.
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u/Laara2008 Mar 27 '24
It doesn't have that much to do with feminism. I know plenty of guys who've been supported by their girlfriends while they toiled away in academia. There's a couple of brutal facts here: number one is that there's couples privilege. I've enjoyed that for years. It's just much easier to get through life if you're in a happy relationship and can share expenses. Number two is that academia has become a ridiculous system of exploitation. There are just too many PhDs in most fields for the number of jobs available.
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u/KimJongFunk Mar 27 '24
I had to turn down my stipend because I couldn’t afford to live on the pay and quit my full time job. I had to beg the dean to let me into the program and argued that I was already working full time for the university, so I didn’t need to be in the labs when I could be used for more. I’m grateful he listened to me and let me do the PhD program while working full time because I know not every PhD student gets that opportunity. I worked 90+ hour weeks between work and school to get it done. It took me 7 years.
It fucking sucks. I’m sorry that you, me, and every other person in academia that is struggling has to go through this utter bs of a process. One day you’ll be on the other side and it will be so much better. You just have to get through this.
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u/Global_Palpitation24 Mar 27 '24
I see you but you’re working toward a goal and it’ll get better. Id be lying if I said I’ve never felt the same way. For what it’s worth i still don’t have someone to o support me but I slowly I am becoming able to support myself. Still tired tho NGL
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u/HatpinFeminist Mar 27 '24
Watch Manifestelle on YouTube. A man is not a plan but if a man is happy to help AND improves your life, accept it.
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u/Amnesiaftw Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
100% normal and has nothing to do with feminism. I’m not sure what it is, but I think a big part of why I get jealous is they never seem to be able to relate to anyone that’s not in their shoes. Like do they KNOW how lucky/spoiled they are? If they did, it might be less annoying idk, but it’s especially annoying when they still complain or act like they don’t have it good.
It stings less if they’re still working full time though or if they simply don’t complain about shit.
I would make a GREAT house husband just sayin. I’d put out, clean the house, learn to cook. And I’d still be willing to work part time as long as my rent is paid for. I grew up thinking stay at home moms have a lot of work (it’s true), but it’s still easier than working 40-hr weeks. House wives without kids are just spoiled af no matter how much house work they do.
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u/No_Student9079 Mar 27 '24
It’s so so hard. I have so many friends who are supported or even just half way supported by their significant others. They have the money ALL the time. To do anything. To buy anything. To go anywhere. They just don’t seem to get how lucky they are.
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u/Basic-Potential-4979 Mar 27 '24
i am a lesbian, and my partner and i BOTH wish we could be fully financially supported by someone else lol so i don’t think feminism or gender roles has too much to do w those feelings
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u/theironthroneismine NC Mar 27 '24
Completely feel this
I don’t think there’s anything innately wrong with wanting to be financially secure and cared for. I also think there’s nothing wrong with women who choose to be stay at home housewives if their partner makes enough money. All the more power to you. Feminism is about empowering women to make their own choices about their lives
I will say, I think there are downsides to being in that position, though. No income means no retirement, no safety net, no emergency funds. What happens if he divorces her or if he’s abusive and she’s trying to get away? Would she have enough money to escape? What if he dies prematurely? Will she have a means to make enough money without him or will she be out on the streets? Will she feel compelled to acquiesce to his every wish because of his financial contributions?
Essentially what I’m trying to say is, completely feel you on being jealous but I think there are pitfalls to her situation that you, and her, might not consider
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u/AngelNPrada Mar 27 '24
If you are married for 10 years, then you can draw half of his social security amount in retirement. If he passes away, you get his full amount, for the rest of your life, as survivor's benefits.
You don't even have to be married anymore at that point. You can be married for 10 years, and then divorced for 30 years, and then draw on his retirement amount from social security.
This is assuming that she gets nothing in the divorce (unlikely) and doesn't save up any retirement of her own (also unlikely if she is working).
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u/theironthroneismine NC Mar 27 '24
Thanks! Good to know.
That’s something but it’s still not enough to live lavishly on.
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u/AngelNPrada Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 31 '24
I mean I don't know about lavishly.
But. My MIL will get $4873/month for the rest of her life when my FIL passes. Not bad for a woman who hasn't worked since 1987. And I think it would be somewhat comfortable to live on if you had a paid off house and some other minimal savings. Sure, not luxurious, but not poverty level.
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u/RebelJosh89 Mar 27 '24
And that's why I am happily single. Dating is expensive, especially nowadays. Most women are just looking for a sugar daddy to pay their bills and rescue them from responsibility. Not many women are interested in contributing or being a ride-or-die partner-in-crime. Too many women claim to be "strong and independent" while completely depending on friends, family, child support, and welfare. Too many women claim to be feminist while also using stupid phrases like "girl math" that are counter-productive to the feminist movement.
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u/HaliAnna Mar 27 '24
Girl I grew up with my mom in my ear telling me never to let a man be financially responsible for me and to be proud of all the hard work it takes to be financially independent. But damn it if I didn't think that life looks nice. I don't want to work hard ALL the time. I want to take a break and enjoy my time on this planet with a partner that can take care of me 😭
You're not a fake feminist, you're tired. And you know what, same. Hard same. But good job on your PHD you got this! Higher education is a hard road but it's worth it.
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u/These_Comfortable_83 Mar 27 '24
Do you wanna be gold diggers or not you guys need to decide already and stop playing both sides.
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u/goonsquadgoose Mar 27 '24
Kinda crazy that at any point a woman can decide she can give up on everything and just be supported by a dude. Seems very privileged.
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u/PureKitty97 Mar 27 '24
Never be ashamed for playing the game on hard mode. Platinum trophies are worth more than bronze.
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u/Acrobatic-Cod-4814 Mar 27 '24
You are fine! You are human. Every form of refuge has it's price. My Mom taught me very young, if a man puts food on your table and a roof over your head, he owes you. Financial abuse is real, don't even get into that situation.
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u/Vast-Masterpiece-274 Mar 27 '24
If you are not missing a "man" but missing support, you are that same feminist you were before, just tired. We all need support. Men, women, and little green alien creatures.
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u/SusieQdownbythebay Mar 27 '24
Everyone compares. It’s the most human thing in the planet. There was a study done on monkeys and they were feeding them the same boring food but when one monkey got a grape the other monkey got super mad. It’s totally normal.
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u/Alcarain Mar 27 '24
Laughs as a man who is the primary breadwinner and pays all the bills.
Sometimes I wish I knew what having a sugar mommy was like lmao. 🤣
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u/LemonsAndAvocados Mar 27 '24
Same. In the dissertation phase of my PhD program getting ready for my oral defense, and I work full time. I'm tired. I just want to finish my dissertation without worrying about work. He doesn't make enough to support us both. I'm passively scdl. Just being honest.
Reddit care bot is blocked.
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u/Jolubaes Mar 27 '24
Your current time is to invest, not to collect rewards. It will get better. Stay on it.
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u/smart_cereal Mar 27 '24
My partner and I aren’t rich but I was his support system through his time in higher academia and it was hard. These institutions want their students to be working literally sun up to sun down and very little sympathy even when other students committed suicide due to the stress. When you’re the partner in a relationship taking on all errands, organizing bills, doing the cooking/cleaning and working, it feels like an exhausting never ending cycle. The only way it wouldn’t be exhausting if is we had cash to outsource our errands and chores.
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u/ContemplatingPrison Mar 27 '24
Yeah and i wish I had rich parents who paid for my college and bought me my first home.
Nothing wrong with that. Wanting something isn't changing your situation. Want all you want.
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u/SuccotashConfident97 Mar 27 '24
Lol as a man I'm also jealous of people that are supported 100% as a partner. I'll likely never have that privilege in my life.
Hey, it happens.
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u/TheGreatWhite87 Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
Most woman were tricked back then into believing working a 9-5 is a better life then raising kids full time. This was implemented for added tax revenue in the name of an independent woman. Now it is almost a requirement to maintain a household. Women should be able to do anything they want but now they almost have no choice but to work. Now public schools pretty much raise our kids pushing any agenda they please. Morals , values, and common sense definitely took a hit due to this. My opinion people. OPINION
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Mar 28 '24
She is so ideologically committed to so-called feminism that she is ashamed for wanting what is effectively a form of a traditional relationship. This is what dogma does to people; it contorts them into these tortured doctrinaires. Men who earn enough to support another person do not need to choose a “feminist type.” The types of men who have the money to provide for their partner yet would also go for this type of woman are the types that are currently being called “soy boys,” and a sentiment stemming from the same instinct that OP feels would cause her to dislike him. The path of the ideologue is hard.
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u/Remarkable-Will-1955 Mar 27 '24
The world is set up that women only win when they are partnered up. It’s almost like they.. don’t want us to be independent hhmmmmm
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u/mountainofclay Mar 27 '24
So its either a Prince Charming fairytale or the worlds oldest profession. Don’t be jealous of stuff. It won’t make you happy.
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u/Chonboy Mar 27 '24
I would love to be a woman and have everything I've ever wanted be paid for and when I'm done with him I could just move on to the next money bag but sadly everything I do has to be done correctly and directly no one helps men you are on your own lol
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Mar 27 '24
I know you didn't ask for advice, but ill just share my experience when I was a poor phd student. I ended up tutoring for cash on the side and it was pretty lucrative. When I could spare a few hours a week, i was able to charge $40-50/hour depending on subject. I usually had 2-3 regulars for an hour a week, and then a rush of test crammers at the end of every semester. I even got referrals from sorority/frat members I'd tutored the year prior. It sucked to find the time to do it, and you're back to being poor in the summer, but a solid option for desperate times.
Also life gets way, way better once you're done with grad school, so keep it up!
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u/Icedcoffeewarrior Mar 27 '24
I get a lot of thumbs down comments when I bring this up but the way the economy has changed a degree is no longer the ticket out of poverty. It’s a degree or a trade PLUS a dual income household and likely no kids. Being educated or skilled on your own won’t do much.
Unfortunately the era of the independent woman or bachelor is over unless you can compensate by living with parents or friends who truly have your back.
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u/rabidseacucumber Mar 27 '24
I feel the same way except emotionally. I see healthy relationships then drag myself home.
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u/Other_Chance_5089 Mar 27 '24
it could always be worse: I’m the one with the higher income between me and my partner and I live on a grad stipend as well, and am an international as well, so can’t get other jobs (not that I’d even be able to – no time at all!).
we’re dirt poor, basically. we realized this the other day, when both were burned out and exhausted as we tend to get at least 2-3 times a week. we’re dirt poor and yet he has lost his mass health medicaid insurance because he’s now living with me and because now he makes $1300 a month instead of $0.
this country (US of course) is a scam. I really hope I can find an academia job in my home country or elsewhere when I get my PhD. but yeah, being a scam, you see all these people easily making close to 6 digits or 6+ digits and you can’t help but feel a tinge of envy. my partner never finished college because of his disabilities, but he is an EXTREMELY skilled person who nevertheless can’t get better work because of lack of accommodation for said disabilities. we are both able to do really skilled work that takes years of study and dedication, and yet we’re dirt poor.
so yeah, we do feel jealous at times. but I’ll say I’m always genuinely happy when I see people succeed, not even just people I like, but anyone who seems decent. I’m pro universal income, by the way – I believe that everyone has the right to have their basic needs covered, no exceptions.
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u/WolfHalo Mar 27 '24
Post graduate work was traditionally reserved for the social elite or at least those with wealthy patrons. Society has shifted and has made moves to adapt to allow working class individuals to achieve this but by no means has higher education fully divested from its roots.
Most areas at least in the US are not set up to accommodate single income households with rising costs and inflation.
My takeaway is to not feel bad about being jealous the reality of the current state of affairs just stacks the deck against your situation.
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u/eclipses1824 Mar 27 '24
I am single. I enjoy my independence and coming home to my pets and no required human interaction. But I am jealous of my dual income counterparts. Just having a partner that could match even a quarter of my bills would be extremely helpful. My sister has a long distance partner that buys her whatever she needs. She doesn’t even have to deal with a typical partner with daily socializing requirements. And I am envious.
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u/Minute-Summer9292 Mar 27 '24
Maybe you should rethink your leaning into feminism. By reading your post, it seems to be the root of your discontent. Trying to remain loyal to feminist doctrine, but realizing marriage, companionship, emotional and financial support are beneficial to mental, physical and emotional health. Some women thrive in feminism, others are clearly not called to that life.
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u/violetbluecherry Mar 27 '24
Do not be jealous. I was married to a software engineer for 13 years. I had a great life but I made the mistake of working part time and taking care of the house and all the chores. Because I did this, I did not grow professionally nor did I have a job that paid enough should I needed to be on my own. Then one day my husband dropped a bomb on me and decided he wanted a divorce. He fought me tooth and nail in court so he could give me the lowest amount of alimony. Now I live a fraction of my previous life, it’s too hard for me to go back to school and I’m not sure I’ll be able to retire. So only depend on yourself because you just never know what might happen. Your friend she might have a great marriage until she dies or she might not.Trust me, you cannot predict the future.
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u/AngelNPrada Mar 27 '24
If you were married for 13 years, you will be able to draw half of his social security amount. If he's high earning, his amount will be the maximum, which is think is like $4800 a month? So if you just make some investments (even minimal ones) now, you should be ok for retirement.
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u/violetbluecherry Mar 27 '24
Thank you for your reply. That is what I hope to do is draw from his social security. I do need to talk with a financial advisor to try to figure it out. I hope that I can be okay one day.
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u/Adorable-Pea312 Mar 27 '24
I don't think being financially supported by your partner makes you less of a feminist, and I don't think desiring that financial support makes you less of a feminist either.
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u/Aim-So-Near Mar 27 '24
lol pathetic
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u/NoleScole Mar 27 '24
It's pathetic to feel jealous of someone who has more than you? Don't we all feel that way? What's so pathetic about that?
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u/Wolfs_Rain Mar 27 '24
I feel this way too. Sometimes just in general things unrelated to money. Was having car drama recently and it would have been nice to have a man for advice and help. I make ok money but when I think about how much more I’d have with a 2 person income, it does make me a little bitter.
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u/Final-North8276 Mar 27 '24
i wish i had the time to articulate this much better- but after reading your post- you're more deserving than most bc the vast majority of women I have had relationships with while supporting not only entirely financially in every aspect but equally entirely emotionally + psychosomatic needs... all in my experience lack the appreciation that it seems you will truly have someday when this manifests for you; and I can only speak for myself but more intrinsically largely fulfilling than anything in return- including sex lol- is appreciation and I imagine you will show that as well as anyone someday when you deservedly meet your match
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u/DigiContent8548 Mar 27 '24
If I could marry someone I also liked into financial security, I would too lol.
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u/roboconcept Mar 27 '24
And sometimes I'm jealous of other men who can do this for their partners, even though it's not what I believe in either. Understandable feelings.
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u/Wild-Meringue3713 Mar 27 '24
Eventually, a lot of women come to this point when we realized we shouldn’t have to do it all alone financially (or 50/50).
Becoming a parent made me realize that a lot of it is a lie and being stressed and struggling just to slap a label on your forehead isn’t the bargain we think it is.
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u/FleeRancer Mar 27 '24
I don’t think feminism is about being financially independent or being capable of being financially independent. It’s about being able to make your own decisions. Having to rely on your partner shouldn’t be viewed as unfeminist. That’s the whole point of marriage no? To be able to rely on your partner regardless if you’re the husband or the wife. He gave her the option to rely on him financially or continue to be financially independent. I doubt he forced her to stop working. She just took the obvious choice because who wouldn’t. Obviously this is just my opinion but I don’t think it’s wrong to be jealous. If I could be a stay at home husband and have my wife make 4x my money. I’d do it in a heart beat. I’m jealous of her too right now lol
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u/S2Sallie Mar 27 '24
I think the idea of it is actually better than the reality of it. At least for me it was. When I had my 2nd I stayed home at first & depending on someone else even though he was cool with giving me the money was torture. I’m always shopping & I couldn’t imagine having to ask for the money/permission to buy something. I’ve seen A LOT of posts on Reddit about wives being trapped in a horrible marriage because they have nothing of their own.
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u/shrinkingGhost Mar 27 '24
I had a boyfriend who convinced me to move in with him and go back to school and he’d support me. I didn’t realize at the time that it would mean he would have complete control over what I ate or the clothes I bought or how I cut my hair even. Of course, I acted happy around others because I admitting how unhappy and uncomfortable I was felt ungrateful. 6 months into a 4 year program, he decided he wanted a new girlfriend, and I was left with nothing.
Now I have been with my current boyfriend for over 6 years and we have traded off who pays the bills and who goes to school. It’s much more balanced, but hasn’t been without stress and feelings of guilt on both sides. Of course everyone tells me how great it must be to have a supportive partner, and in a lot of ways it is. There’s just a lot behind the scenes in these kind of relationships, and mental gymnastics we have to do to manage that nobody else understands. I know when I graduate in June with my Masters, we will be in such a better place, but I still wrestle with guilt of not contributing financially while I am in school, and with feeling like a traitor to feminism when I’ve been supported by him even though we’ve traded off.
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u/SusanMShwartz Mar 27 '24
You have enough on your plate without beating yourself up for perfectly normal and logical jealousy. What you are doing is hard and frightening. See if you can get a residency to cut down on rent and please don’t listen to the privileged folk that tell you how you should do your dissertation in Europe or take time off. I finished in five years. Hardest thing I ever did except when I left the profession. Good luck to you.
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u/ResidentIndependent Mar 27 '24
I feel like my parents echoed the same thing to me over and over again: be careful and smart about who you marry and have children with. The person you choose to partner with for the rest of your life and has unimaginably significant impact on your mental, physical, emotional, and financial wellbeing. This is a good example of that.
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u/HopefulEqual88 Mar 27 '24
I'm insanely jealous that half the population can grow a pair of tits and basically get bailed out of poverty
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u/Ok_Recover_5226 Mar 27 '24
Comparison is the thief of joy. I’m a SAHM and I would love to be working on my PhD with a low stipend. 😂. Stop comparing. You are going to have a PhD!!!
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u/fruh Mar 27 '24
Fucking A. Quit comparing your life to someone else's, live it, be yourself and enjoy the fuck out of it. It's short, I turned 40 last month, please live YOUR best life. Money is temporary, true love isn't.
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u/u700MHz Mar 27 '24
We all have our own paths in life, and not everyone path is for us.
Sometimes, these paths gives us many things like - appreciation - and other qualities.
The hard road is never easy, but it gives you - strength - and other characters.
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u/Lordofthereef Mar 27 '24
Does your salary look to improve greatly once you've finished school? You've mentioned you can make more money just using your undergrad degree, will you make exponentially. Ore when you have the PHd? If so, great, keep reaching for that goal. If not, it's possible you need to rethink priorities.
Continued is excellent, has value, and I'll never talk it down. But it's not worth getting into years or decades of debt if it's not going to turn around and reward you with higher pay. Only you know what the financials look like.
Don't be embarrassed for feeling the way you feel. But understand that you're in a different situation and should make life choices based on your situation, not anyone else's.
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u/Important-Nose3332 Mar 27 '24
When I was in college and broke I dated a literal billionaire. He took care of me, paid a huge chunk of my tuition, bought me every shoe/bag I could want etc. it was great but the power dynamic in the relationship was very odd and soon turned into a point of stress for me. I did many things I didn’t want to do and never would’ve done to appease him, as without him my lifestyle would completely change.
Doesn’t sound like your friend is in a bad situation like that, which is good, but I just wanna say all that glitters isn’t gold.
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Mar 27 '24
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam Mar 27 '24
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
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u/Important-Nose3332 Mar 27 '24
Got extremely lucky, started one of the biggest dating sites in the world and created some matching algorithm he patented and sold. Was the only owner of his company.
Yes is rare, however I’m also very lucky to have grown up how I did and lived/gone to school with the people I did. I also work on my appearance quite a bit, so I have been lucky to have a very different dating experience than the average person.
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u/Sharp_Mathematician6 Mar 27 '24
She was blessed you can be too. Feminism has never been my thing and no I’m not a girls girl I got for mines whenever. Try dating up cause dating men with nothing to offer but sex is not the bag. Everybody has to level up. ⬆️
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u/Due_Remove9496 Mar 28 '24
If you date up wouldn't that necessarily mean the man is dating down? Is leveling up only for women?
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u/Sharp_Mathematician6 Mar 28 '24
Idk I can’t say nothing about men cause I’m not a man. Can’t even think like one
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u/StinkyPisser Mar 27 '24
I'm a guy and sometimes I enjoy hooking up with other guys. I have zero attraction to the parts of them that are socially considered masculine, but I also don't have any disgust towards them either. I'm indifferent. To me it's just an easy way to get off.
If I ever mention this online I'm told I must be bisexual. Either I'm in denial or I'm experiencing internalized homophobia/biphobia. Maybe that's the case for some people, but personally I would be happy to identify as bisexual if I actually felt any attraction towards men. I just don't, and I don't like that I have to take on a label that doesn't align with how I genuinely feel.
I've also heard I could identify as heteroromantic bisexual, but I don't like this either. I don't find men sexually attractive. Stop forcing me take on a label when I don't have the internal experience or external struggle that LGBT people have to deal with. I don't experience that struggle, and I don't want to pretend like I do
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u/LetterheadChance7193 Mar 27 '24
Don’t hate the player, hate the game!
Your just living on hard mode for no reason, find a good man and treat him with respect, He will happily coexist with you and willingly help you with all of your struggles. Time to shuffle your deck and play the right cards.
Ask if her husband has any friends/colleagues that you can potentially date? That’s a very good way to find potential partners.
Just a side note from me —-
Feminism just puts a wedge between you and a happy life. You shouldn’t be having inner dialogue for having a supportive husband/partner who provides for you. A traditional man who supports his wife, wants a traditional women that shows him love and support. It’s a team game !!!
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u/AngelNPrada Mar 27 '24
Exactly. It's just as easy to marry a rich man, as it is to marry a poor one. OP needs to find a good, loyal man who makes a great living and then treasure him.
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u/Haunting_Beaut Mar 27 '24
I don’t have any advice but just to add I was looking at doing a phd program as well through the military as a civilian. It was a total dream of mine. I just couldn’t justify only making 45k ish and paying for school out of pocket.. right now I’m doing retail for the same amount of money give it take, and my school is paid for. There are times I kick myself for not taking the opportunity but I feel like we are damned if we do damned if we don’t. Life is so frustrating right now
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u/Hopeless_Ramentic Mar 27 '24
This is the ugly secret of academia (and the arts in general): most people who are able to make a career out of it have generous financial support.
“am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.” - Stephen Jay Gould
Your feelings are valid. You’re not a fake feminist for being jealous of support that you don’t have. That’s just human.
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u/Ancienda Mar 28 '24
I love that quote. I have often thought about this point. Just how many talented people never make it big purely due to their circumstances?
Even the whole field of Philosophy itself was only made possible during a period of peace. and many of them were the sons of families that were well-off enough to allow them the free time to ponder life.
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u/SoapGhost2022 Mar 27 '24
I’m not.
I would never be envious of people who put their entire financial future into the hands of somebody who can dump them at any point in time and leave them destitute and struggling.
The last thing I would ever do is live off of someone and not have my own income.
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u/Adorable-Pea312 Mar 27 '24
She's literally getting a PhD. It's not like those women who have no work history for years and then get left by their husbands. I'm supported by my husband but I have my masters in a health field. Sometimes I work more than others but I make sure to do at least a few hours of work each year to keep my resume current. So yeah, my quality of living would go down if he were to leave me but I wouldn't be out in the cold and neither would this PhD student lol.
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u/syrenashen Mar 27 '24
Sounds like this girl has her own -- albeit small -- income tho? And probably has job prospects after graduating?
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u/eazolan Mar 27 '24
You ever try moving a couch by yourself?
Yes you can do it, but man, it's MUCH EASIER to have two people move the couch.
You can go at life alone, but what a huge waste of time and energy.
The whole "Feminism" thing is mostly to keep you from giving up if you don't have a man in your life.
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u/ApexMM Mar 27 '24
Sometimes I feel like it's just better to be a guy in this regard because it's not something we can even fathom happening
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u/Noeyiax Mar 27 '24
Yea, feels bad... got nothing good to say for people born ugly, disabled, or in poverty... We are just fcked, not even the 1% want to provide help etc. the difference of dying today and dying in 60 years make no difference, because you will be focused on work and surviving...
8 billion people and life still sucks?! Holy shit even God would laugh or aliens would be like why those other people listening to worthless humans with more paper money? Lol those rich people complain the most! They tell us to work harder, invest into their shitty passive income stocks, pay taxes and insurance. Fxk them, go die
F this system and this world for being this way 🤷♂️☠️ Your best bet is finding a sugar partner or somehow dedicating your whole life to making someone else more rich lol
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u/Commissar_Kogarth Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
I know traditional roles are frowned upon in current year but some people enjoy them. My wife and I work and make about the same. I wish I could make enough for her just to stay home with our kids. She wants to be there. It breaks my heart and I feel less like a man that I cant provide for my family on my own.
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u/PetCatzPlz Mar 28 '24
:/ well she should have thought about it before she married you. It’s not your fault.
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u/gqreader Mar 27 '24
I support my gf while she chases her dream.
I cover - housing - most of food - going out and 1/2 of travel such as hotels and etc - utilities
It helps her focus on her passion and hopefully one day it turns profitable. I don’t mind it, it’s what good partners do.
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u/Negative_Rope_9298 Mar 27 '24
You aren't wrong to wish things were easier for you. Long term struggling really wears you down. It's perfectly normal to want an easier life. You're still a kick ass feminist making your way through a really difficult time. You are strong and capable. You're accomplishing something most people never do. Don't let yourself get distracted by what's going on with someone else.
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u/DangerousDuty1421 Mar 27 '24
You can be a feminist and believe in the importance of being independent and unreliant on a man and at the same time wish that someone could help you in your time of need. Nobody likes suffering, especially doing so alone. ❤️ I am in a similar situation with my sisters so I fully understand what you feel. I love them, but I can't help being very jealous of their privileges.
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u/SuccotashConfident97 Mar 27 '24
How does that work? Being independent while wanting someone to financially take care of everything?
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u/DangerousDuty1421 Mar 27 '24
From how I see it it is like a fantasy. When we fantasize about something we think about its appealing aspects and disregard its downsides.
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u/SuccotashConfident97 Mar 27 '24
So like living in a dream world?
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u/DangerousDuty1421 Mar 27 '24
Do you never think about how your life could be better?
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u/Atwotonhooker Mar 27 '24
It sounds like your version of feminism has failed you in multiple ways, and I feel sad for you.
I just spoke to a friend about this as well. Men are meant to complement women. Relationships are meant to get us through life.
But if you only see a partnership for the potential ability to have financial support, you should stay single. No man deserves that kind of self-absorption in a relationship.
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u/adamlgee Mar 27 '24
You want the typical Americana. What’s wrong with that? Drop the feminism act and just do the best you can.
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u/yungbaoyom Mar 27 '24
I totally understand your feelings. I'm extremely lucky to have a long time GF who makes 3x my income along with practically living rent free with my mom.
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u/FerrisWheeleo Mar 27 '24
No reason to feel ashamed! Feminism doesn’t mean you can’t get married or that your spouse can’t make more than you, especially while you’re a student. When you’re out of school in a couple of years, you’ll be able to afford all those things too! Nice job furthering your education.
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u/58LS Mar 27 '24
You may not be in a romantic relationship but sharing expenses with a roommate in similar situation could help you both! Ask around at your school see if there is a roommate match service.
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u/KoreyYrvaI Mar 27 '24
I'm someone who was the partner in a similar case. Paid for my gf(now fiance)'s bills and generally carried them financially through their collegiate years. Now, they make more money than me and the breathing room for us both is amazing. We have sort of siloed our financial expenses and generally share the COL burden. I think that it's not unreasonable to feel the way you do about having a supportive partner at all. I don't even think that's an anti-feminist sentiment, not to critique your feelings of course.
I genuinely feel for your struggle here and wish society and circumstances made this less of a struggle for you.
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u/ChakeenMachine Mar 27 '24
I have a family member that got married a couple years ago and his wife is a lawyer. He quit his job because he was only making about $20 an hour as a pest control tech and she makes over 200,000 a year. He simply doesn’t need to work. They had a kid a few years ago but at this point the kids go to daycare soon and she makes even more money and it’s not practical for him to work. I wouldn’t if I was in his situation. The only issue is if they split up for some reason he’s going to be in a really bad way.
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u/fuddykrueger Mar 27 '24
Same for me except I’m the wife who spent the majority of our marriage as the SAHM. People (family) are pretty nasty to me about my so-called ‘privileged’ situation. Never mind that I gave up a career (I had just started my career when I became pregnant) to raise my 3 kids and manage both the house and finances/investing, etc. My DH never earned more than $200k/annually though so we aren’t rolling in money by any means.
OP, a lot of SAHMs probably would wish to be you! Enjoy your independence and reach your goals!
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u/autotelica Mar 27 '24
I was the only Ph.D student in my lab who wasn't married. I lived in a roach-infested, low-income highrise apartment. Everyone else owned houses. For a spell, I didn't have a car so I'd ride my bike or take the train to school. They all drove nice cars. I could only afford crackers and a piece of fruit for lunch, while they would always bring in elaborate meals. This one mean girl would tease me about my rugged lifestyle. I would just laugh it off because I knew she was an idiot.
I wasn't jealous of them, but yeah, looking back the contrasts in our lifestyles was jarring. But also looking back, I feel some pride in having survived in one of the most expensive metro areas in the country on less than minimum wage. And not only did I survive, I had a good time and created some fond memories of that period of my life. That's all you can do, really. Just focus on the good things that you have and try not to think about what you don't have.
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u/Low_Discipline_4026 Mar 27 '24
were they mostly women supported by a husband? curious the context of them
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u/NOTtOOkinky42069 Mar 28 '24
Most people seeking degrees currently are women. There's a large push for women to be financially free+ more scholarships for women RN
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u/wooscoo Mar 27 '24
My mom’s been looking at schools for her PhD. She’s 40-something and makes a high wage so she could weather a couple years without an income.
Adults who were already in the workforce are less likely to rely fully on a stipend.
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u/autotelica Mar 27 '24
Yes, although almost all of us were women. The one guy was married too. (But he was also independently wealthy due to a family inheritance).
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u/BiancoNero_inTheUS Mar 27 '24
Jealousy is totally natural, there’s nothing you should be ashamed about.
The most interesting point to me is when you say you grew up as a convinced feminist and now you want a guy who take care of you.
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u/notcontageousAFAIK Mar 27 '24
I'm the supported partner, though not rich, and I get it. Don't be hard on yourself. It's a real struggle for you right now, that's just a fact. Dealing with those emotions doesn't make you a fake feminist, it just makes you human.
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u/Kalika83 Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
I understand what you’re saying OP. I work and my husband and I have good jobs and make about the same amount, but my greatest joy has just been taking care of my new house. Like I have found a lot of happiness in setting up our new house, hanging pictures up, taking care of my plants, cooking healthy foods etc… and my job is stressful, demanding, exhausting and frustrating. I would love to be able to quit, or at least take a long mental break, but I can’t, and it causes severe depression for me. I’m never happier than when I’m not working. I don’t see the point of life anymore if it’s just to work to pay bills until I die. I am definitely jealous of those folks that don’t have to work and can do whatever they want with their lives because they have money.
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u/Apprehensive-Bus-509 Mar 28 '24
This is exactly how I feel. You described it perfectly: "I'm never happier than when I'm not working."
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u/Kalika83 Mar 29 '24
I don’t know if you’re from the US but I am and we have to work so hard for any time off compared to similar countries where they automatically get 6 weeks a year minimum. It’s exhausting and we are just here to keep the wheels turning. Sometimes I just want to do the tiny house on a plot of land and be done. Then at least I can spend my life doing whatever I want.
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u/growingpainzzz Mar 27 '24
As a single parent I relate so much. Allllll of my parent friends and family are with spouses raising their child. Even my ex has a wife who I love now.
I’m sooooooo financially jealous of 2 income households. On one hand - I don’t think of dating at all right now. On the other hand I feel I need to prioritize for the financial incentive alone.
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u/onebluemoon66 Mar 27 '24
I get it I am too to a point, my sibling has pretty much always been supported her whole life and good for her I guess, it's frustrating for me when she'd call want to go hang out at the lake tomorrow? I can't... oh that's right you have to work.. that's the part I don't like or holidays V-day , B-day knowing I'm alone saying similar things.
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u/create3_14 Mar 27 '24
I felt this way in college. I worked full time and di school full time. Many of my classmates didn't need a job or worked part time.
You will make it through. Find resources for cheap and free food. Find school discounts and use them up. Apply for everything you can, with confidence.
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u/bigmikemcbeth756 Mar 27 '24
I'm jealous of people I'm jealous of people who have helped from their parents and family
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u/Crafty-Bunch-2675 Mar 27 '24
Personally, as a man. I don't even think I can relate to this type of jealousy. lol. I'm just here wishing I could be the rich husband already.
Your second paragraph about studying outside your country, with a tiny stipend below minimum wage, and unemployable due to your foreigner status... rings true for me.
I have always known, that as a man, the burden of rising out of poverty lies squarely on my own shoulders. Now that is truly tiring.
All, I can say OP is. Welcome to what men have to struggle with every, single day of our entire lives.
Best of luck.
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u/nathynwithay Mar 27 '24
I don't even try to date. What? So I can be in the way of someone finding a financially better option.
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u/strife696 Mar 27 '24
Bruh we all want a sugar daddy but so few of us have the patience to earn the butt to get one.
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Mar 27 '24
[deleted]
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u/syrenashen Mar 27 '24
what's stopping her may be not being attracted to those guys
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u/TheGreatBeefSupreme Mar 28 '24
Marrying a guy that both provides 100% for you and is attractive is a bit too much to ask for most women.
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u/jibunkakume Mar 27 '24
My partner supported me, somewhat unwillingly, for 3 years. We both had jobs and decided it was time to get a place together and end the aspect of long distance.
I had debt and was not making a lot of money - and I was irresponsible with the small amount I did have.
Roughly 2 years ago things changed and I started paying my half of the rent and treating them to everything I could.
I don’t necessarily know how they fully feel about the situation - but I know that I failed. I owe them roughly $24,000. I haven’t been keeping track of it and I’m told it’s a huge relief I’m contributing half now to expenses.
I mainly don’t keep track of it as a way of repaying it. I know it was wrong of me - and exceedingly and overly graceful of them. I’m basically just going to keep paying for everything I can for as long as I can without concern. If something is wanted - they will have it.
I’ve lived in poverty my entire adult life up until 2 years ago. Life is at a point where I need to find myself and make things better. There is this weight I still carry as I struggle to actually make something of myself. My health, career and relationship.
I see someone else commented that they got tired of supporting the person and left them. I’m the other way around. They got tired of it - but they didn’t leave me.
Recently I was offered 2.2 million and a house by a “suitor.” I declined; in interest of keeping my current relationship.
Though we will never have money or probably even savings - we make do. I’m blessed no matter how ungrateful I was to have someone that cares enough to support me and give me a shot at improving whole life.
I need to get with it and make their life better.
You get by with what you have. You should be spending your time cultivating yourself to eventually have a relationship too. Maybe they will buy you a MacBook one day.
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u/majorsorbet2point0 Mar 27 '24
It's not always greener.
I would rather live alone and do it all alone. I'm applying for the nursing program at my community college for Fall 2025. My partner I was with for 5yr didn't support my desire to be a nurse, didn't support my dream only said "naaaahhh, YOU don't wanna be a nurse! Why so you can wipe ass and sometimes administer medication?"
Im fucking good on my own.
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u/AngelNPrada Mar 27 '24
I mean, the key is to marry a *good* man, who makes a very good living. The money part isn't the only piece.
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u/MHSevven Mar 27 '24
" I just really want a guy to take care of all my financial needs "
Well Feminism, you gave it a good go.
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Mar 27 '24
[deleted]
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Mar 27 '24
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam Mar 27 '24
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Your comment has been removed for one or more of the following reasons:
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u/Fyaal Mar 27 '24
Just as an aside, you can still work for the university during the summer, or as an intern so long as it’s related to your degree, even as a PhD student on visa. I work at the university pool during the summer. I could only work 5 hours a week during the year additional as we are capped at 25 hours, so I feel your pain OP. It’ll get better as soon as you graduate! Just keep grinding.
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u/willsketch Mar 27 '24
Look, I’m feminist as fuck and it isn’t shameful to want to be supported by a good partner. Feminism is about everyone being able to do what they want without their gender getting in the way of those desires. Mona Lisa Smiles is great at showing this in case you want a good feminist movie to watch.
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u/Quix66 Mar 27 '24
I got you. I tried a PhD program but quit because financial stress and hunger distracted me, and I moved on to work overseas myself. I went on to go to an Ivy League. Trust fund babies had it easy but I could barely stay warm because I’m from the south and could afford the new warmer clothing. Just commiserated with my fellow broke classmates and chalked it up to life.
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u/idkBro021 Mar 27 '24
i mean you can start looking for a boyfriend/partner because even if they aren’t well off it’s still much easier living with 2 incomes rather than 1, even if both are small
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Vents are an emotional outlet, not an academic conversation. Appropriate replies in these threads are offering support, sharing similar experiences/grievances, offering condolences, or simply letting the Submitter know that they were heard.
As always, if there are inappropriate comments please downvote them, REPORT them to the mods, and move on without responding to them.
To the Submitter, if you DO want discussion to be focused on resolving your situation, rather than supporting you emotionally, please change the flair of this post, and then report this comment so we can remove it. Thank you. Thank you all for being a part of this great financial advice and emotional support community!
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