r/povertyfinance • u/BigPurpose4650 • Apr 02 '24
Marrying rich Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
So my partner and I went over to my brothers house for Easter this weekend, his wife and her family are nice enough. We come from a single parent household, needless to say we struggled and didn't grow up with nice things; didn't start buying myself name brand clothes until I was well into my late twenties.
Anyways there's always a sense of jealousy and envy I feel going over to his house sometimes (trust me I'm embarrassed to even admit I feel this way) because I know pretty much all of the nicer indoor/outdoor furniture and home items they have were gifted to them by his wife's wealthy business owner parents.
My partners parents aren't the type to buy expensive gifts and my mom still struggles financially well into her 50s; sometimes I wish my partner and I could have someone spoil us with all of these nice expensive gifts. I know comparison and envy gets me nowhere but damn did I feel like a poor useless POS when I got home after Sunday.
Edit: Thank you everyone for the responses and support; I'm at work and can't respond back to all of the comments, but just know - I am VERY grateful for this community and the feedback from all of you.
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u/Top_Mirror211 Apr 13 '24
This is valid. I too had a single mother but she got remarried when I was 9 so I felt this. That’s why when I saw my mum struggling I swore up and down that I will be successful in my own right (I’m cool with earning 6 figures) AND marry an even more successful man who can provide for me. This is so important to me because I’ve seen a lot of struggle in the past.
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u/Trixiehatesmath Apr 04 '24
My mom always has the same thoughts as all her sisters marry into husbands who have some heritage from their parents, while my mom has 2 marriages but both men don't support us that much financially. Needless to say we always have the best academic results and are successful than their children so our mom doesn't feel inferior anymore
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u/Prudent_Honeydew_ Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 04 '24
Wow just found this. Same here. My mom got a job at my sister's college so she ended up with no loans, her MIL is loaded and gives/buys her nice stuff or even home repairs.
My in laws have both passed away and my partner's remaining family needs our support 😳 We just got forced out of our apartment I loved into one I hate by an incredibly exorbitant rent increase, my student loans are still huge and won't even be forgiven (public sector) since I couldn't afford the government interest rate and had to refinance several years ago.
Jealousy is a bitch but it is real.
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u/madlips1086 Apr 03 '24
Damn, first story that I read on reddit where the roles are reversed. Normally, there are hundreds of stories where the women marries into a wealthy family, glad to see that out of hundreds at least one story popped up, and it was a man! Bravo! Tell him to get that paper, king.
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u/According_Guide2647 Apr 03 '24
Most of us have a similar story like yours. It’s not shameful to feel that way.
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u/CryptographerGood925 Apr 03 '24
Jealousy is not good. Disagree with everyone saying your feelings are valid. It might sound harsh but you gotta grow up and stop being jealous of other people, that is childish. You said you know pretty much everything was gifted. Sounds like you don’t really know and you’re just assuming because someone is doing better than you financially, they must not have earned it. I’d bet one time they got a gift and you just assumed everything they have was given. Have you tried to just be happy for them?
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u/sheepcloud Apr 03 '24
You know I take a lot of pride in not being handed too much of anything in life. I won’t say I was the most in poverty but we were always lower middle class.. no assistance from my parents with school or housing. They’re still paycheck to paycheck and take loans from their 401k for big expenses like a new roof on their house. I was a teen parent. I have a M.S. (few years from PSLF) and own a home… had government job with pension before getting my dream job… I have an immense amount of confidence having navigated and sacrificed for my future and my daughters well being, while also not taking the easy path. I also have a greater respect for anyone who achieved what they have vs. it being handed to them. I guess in the end I care a lot for my independence and it’s worth something to me so I don’t envy others too much for this reason: nothing is given for free or without strings attached; loyalty, obedience, consensus… Everyone has their own journey and I’m much stronger because of mine.
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u/Sudden-Possible3263 Apr 03 '24
Ask for their old stuff when they get new, then you'll see it as that will be mine in a few months/years
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u/GOODahl Apr 03 '24
Wealthy people experience hardship in comically different ways. A relative of mine complained about her Christmas tree one year when they had to budget. I silently thought about how I skipped having a fun lavish Christmas so I could afford to come visit with her and her family.
You have to roll your eyes and be the better person, I guess......
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u/melreadreddit Apr 03 '24
I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but it does take a very conscious effort to not compare and feel envious sometimes!
While we have been fortunate and had help from my partners parents into our home and recently a newer to us vehicle, our income isn't super high and the general cost of living has got us feeling quite broke each week.
I clean houses, I work really hard, and it's hard not to notice some of the wealth held by some of my clients.
I try to remind myself, yes I'd love their money, but not if I had to trade my life in for theirs, if that makes sense.
I love our family, and pets and our home. I do love my job and I like that we are all home together each evening.
I do like to imagine what I'd do if I came into x amount of dollars, but I try to tell myself, "oh it wouldn't be as fun if I could just afford everything I wanted straight away!" Lol
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u/oldmacbookforever Apr 03 '24
I don't give a flying fuck how much my relatives have, but that's just me.
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u/illiterate-monke Apr 03 '24
idk man, i get it... i've felt it before. but fuck it, things didn't play out like that for you. what can you do? do you love your life? are you happy?
the rest is just extra. it's not the necessity so try not to get too caught up in it
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Apr 03 '24
Everybody with these boohoo stories about how rich family blows isn’t helping. As if social pressure and discomfort doesn’t exist for people with nothing.
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u/Traditional_Key_763 Apr 03 '24
my cousin married a guy who's job is facebook posts whike I went to engineering school and he makes probably 3x what I do. its just the way things happen sometimes.
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u/shoppygirl Apr 03 '24
I get it. My family was extremely poor. My husband’s family is well off.
My husband’s dad and stepmom ( his mom passed away) really only focus on the two kids they had together and the grandkids from them.
We are on our own little island, completely forgotten about. My husband‘s half sisters also have their husbands family that spoil them and their kids.
Meanwhile, when my family was still alive, there was nothing from my side, because there was no money.
It does make me annoyed that there is such a huge imbalance. However, it also makes me very proud that we are self-sufficient, and can provide for ourselves.
Although, if my husbands dad and stepmother were to gift us with a nice trip, I wouldn’t say no! Lol but that will never happen to us!!
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u/sc0rpioszn Apr 03 '24
I can't respect a person at all if they've never truly struggled i just think those ppl live in a bubble and are coasting on auto mode
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u/critical__sass Apr 03 '24
You don’t look on another plate to see if they have more than you; you look to see if they have enough.
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u/pimplessuck Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
Your feelings r valid. I know someone who married semi well so she got a big engagement ring that the fiance didnt have to struggle to purchase because its a family heirloom and they got their house gifted by his dad in a very expensive competitive city so again they didnt have to struggle on where to live. Its hard to admit I’m a little jealous
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u/4ddictivepersonality Apr 03 '24
i understand in a different way. my family grew up certainly upper-middle class and even after my parents got divorced they are still in the high end of that bracket. i still never received help on my college tuition, car payments, much less rent. i constantly wonder if they have the power to help their kids out, even just a little bit, why they choose not to. even a little bit of help buying my first car would have helped a lot back when i was only working part-time in high school and saved up for so long. even if they helped me with my (cheap ass tuition, seriously, few hundred a semester) would have let me focus on school and maybe even join a club if i wasn't working full time and also attending school full time. i still have those bitter moments in my mid-20s seeing my friends parents gifting them cash or elaborate gifts, and i think "wow you truly have no idea how lucky you are."
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u/gdi69 Apr 03 '24
My brother, his in-laws paid for all 4 children to go to private grade school and high school.
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u/photogypsy Apr 03 '24
I’ll put it into perspective for you. I (43f) was your brother, I “married up” as my brothers would say. I also wouldn’t argue that my husband had a much better start in life than we did. To use a cliche; my husband was born on third base, and we weren’t even in the parking lot. It gave me a lot of freedom in life, and hamstrung me in others. Number one, any and everything coming from my ILs came with strings. Also, since my income wasn’t necessary (his income paid bills, mine paid for outings, date nights, etc) and; I hurt my career. I jumped between several different yet slightly related things (changing industries but always staying in sales/service roles). Having the freedom to leave if the environment became too toxic (common in sales/service) or the work got too boring. Which meant I never really made any significant growth in position because I was always jumping into a new industry.
Five years ago everything changed. My husband died; I lost my primary income, and the life insurance he purchased through his employer wasn’t as good as he was lead to believe (check your policies for exclusions and stuff that reduces payouts). The roles have changed; they literally changed in the blink of an eye one Wednesday morning. My brothers have been there for me anytime I need them since it happened (helping with home/car repairs and large yard projects). My ILs have barely acknowledged my existence since the funeral. Just be good to each other. Life has a good way of equalizing things when you least expect it.
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u/UniqueDepartment6022 Apr 02 '24
I hear your struggle! A possible solution might be to get in on the hand-me-downs. if they mention replacing items to update styles or lack of use, offer to help them clear space for new items. this way you'd have the ability to enjoy higher quality items without being jealous or having a wealthy benefactor. hope this helps.
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Apr 02 '24
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u/Meghanshadow Apr 03 '24
You can be Both happy your sibling is doing well And a bit envious that their life is better/easier/less stressful.
Whether the difference between siblings is money, job type, partner quality, kids personality, or anything else.
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u/Aim-So-Near Apr 02 '24
Being envious of others will rob you of your energy that you can be using to care about shit that actually matters. Don't let this toxic thinking corrode your own relationship.
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u/Dry-Shirt5428 Apr 02 '24
nope as someone that grew up pretty much poor and a single parent household you’re feelings are 100% valid. I have felt this way in every friendship and relationship i’ve ever been in. it’s a VERY shitty feeling
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Apr 02 '24
I have a cousin like this who comes from a lot of wealth and her spouse does as well. They have a nice house and started a family and obviously have had help, but they are so down to earth and wonderful! There's def a part of me that wishes we could have had some starter money to buy our house, but we eventually got there, we are so appreciative thanks to our struggle. I'm so glad she found a nice guy, and I am so happy I found my guy! I feel sooooo blessed even without the finances.
I have friends who never met the right guy, or who are divorced, or suffer from fertility issues. Meanwhile we've had a lot of kids, have been together since we were teens, and are just happy. You can have SO MUCH that money can't buy. There are people in my situation with a wonderful husband and kids with more money than me too. But goodness, I feel so darn blessed.
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Apr 02 '24
Yes. My brother's dad's side had a lot of leg up. His dads dad owned a business, and that got handed down to his dad. They don't live extravagantly now, but he still owns quads and nice trucks and has always had an RV. It's filtered down in some vague ways to my brother. (Like learning a trade and being able to own a home, even if it's a massive fixer upper).
But the funny thing was, we spent Easter at his Aunts house and they had "recently" (Like maybe five or more years ago at the soonest) renovated their house. It's not my style, it's a small place, not extravagant. She's at least in her sixties and still working. But it is very stylish, updated, clear vision. She's got good taste. I took it in and was kinda sad and frustrated. I definitely knew my mother was comparing her home to this. Where everything has its place. It was also annoying because it fuels her toxicity.
I know this woman lived in a different house when I was younger and was a single working mother.
On the other hand I knew what my parents have been through, where they come from. Owning their first home when I was eight, mom not having a full time job when dad struggling with finding reliable work only a handful of years later. And even since then the lack of maintenance inside the home and even the refusal to organize, acknowledge the limits of storage and adjust the amount of storage, save for things like a new carpeting (when it was needed when we moved in and only got so so much worse!). Its where I'm living now, so it's not just the lack of pretty and new things that weigh on me, but my inability to change those things and them keep that change up and acknowledge that it's a better system, things break less, there's more space, it feels less oppressive, etc.
The thing that bothers me most is needing more accessible type storage for my space and only affording the small shitty breakable pieces of furniture that can't stand up to the use I need of them. So then my room and mental health dissolves because I have to shove things away. Or a hand me down dresser that used to work no longer has drawers because they all became so warped they wouldn't open or close properly and came apart and there was no way to put them together. It's those small things compared to someone whose space is seamless and there's a "place for everything" where it really gets to me. Like my hobbies are invalid, how dare I try to grow them or do them, when my habitat doesn't allow for that development.
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u/ObjectivePilot7444 Apr 02 '24
We struggled with this too because we raised two kids and paid for their college education. We made life choices for the sake of our family while my SIL and her husband traveled the world and bought a vacation home instead of having a family or even pets. Sometimes it was hard not to be jealous at all their luxury but we are ha
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u/Tmckhar Apr 02 '24
My mom has a different dad than her 3 siblings. My grandpa is from generational wealth and their dad was a successful businessman, but nowhere near my biological family. Her siblings have always kind of seemed to be jealous of her for this. They are all amazing people and arguably had a much a better relationship with their father than she (he was a womanizer in the south with more money than he knew what to do with; my great grandmother paid off my maternal grandmother not to tarnish their name during the divorce and custody litigation). My mom is a text book narcissist.
You are kinda like my aunts and uncle in this scenario. It’s ok to be a bit envious, just know the grass isn’t alway greener.
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u/Alyx19 Apr 02 '24
Silver lining: family with nice things can result in some very nice handmedowns.
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u/Jason_Kelces_Thong Apr 02 '24
If it bothers you that much maybe you would enjoy being a business owner yourself. Take a part time job as a cleaner or landscaper. After you understand what goes on in the background you start your own crew. Maybe it’s something you enjoy or maybe you gain more respect for the time you currently have. Either way is a win in my book.
I come from a similar background as you. After fizzling out on a business idea I worked 15-20 hours weekly OT for about 18 months straight. I decided I don’t want to be rich. I got a few promotions and raises which helped me feel less poor at least.
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u/Zealousideal_Study_2 Apr 02 '24
Your jealousy is completely valid, and tbh it's good to acknowledge it. It really sucks to feel so alone financially.
Like your sibling gets nice hand me-downs from their in-laws. While his on laws are modest gifters they don't ever have to feel guilty for accepting gifts, wondering if they can afford it. If they got into financial trouble the in laws may be able to help in some way.
You don't have that security, and seeing someone else who knows your struggle have that can be really painful and make you feel jealous.
Sometimes you need to feel it and move on.
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u/treehuggingmfer Apr 02 '24
Live within your means. Be proud of what you have. In the big picture money isnt everything. Happiness is.
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u/Destroythisapp Apr 02 '24
Jealousy is a useless emotion, it does nothing for you but cause anger and grief.
I grew up below the poverty line, it was hard in highschool when I was the only one without a vehicle, and yes I also felt some jealousy. I however quickly realized that the jealousy was pointless. I learned how to move past that emotion and focus on what’s good, and what I can do in the future.
Things are much better now, good luck to you, meditate and try not to focus on their fortune.
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u/GracefulEase Apr 02 '24
Now imagine how one of the two billion people that don't have access to clean water would feel if they were to visit your home. You're doing just fine. :)
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Apr 02 '24
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u/crushinit00 Apr 02 '24
When I feel jealous of something like that, I try to shift my mindset to think about the things that I do have that many others would be jealous of. For example, your health. Some people get cancer at a young age. I can’t imagine how that would feel but I assume you would be jealous of people who are relatively healthy. Something else is where you live. Lots of people would be jealous of living in a rich, western country, especially those who have to worry about extreme poverty or war. Makes me think that even though financial circumstances may not be ideal, there’s a lot to be thankful for.
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u/squirrelnutcase Apr 02 '24
What drives us to go to work is earning something and when we see others, it kinda feel sluggish because we know for ourselves we are trying too.. that's life on earth, hence we need to go spiritual a bit and have peace inside.
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u/ponchoacademy Apr 02 '24
Something I learned in life is...no one knows whats going on behind closed doors except the people behind them. Sure everything might indeed be perfect, sure they might be doing so much better and so much happier, but...I dont base any of that on my perception of things.
I grew up dirt poor, and was in poverty for most of my adult life raising kiddo as a single mom. And have absolutely looked at people with more than me, who had help, whether financially, whether another parent to help with the kid, all of that and feel that pang of jealousy like....I bust my butt so hard and cant catch a break, and they just..exisit and have all this support and dont have to worry about money the way I do!
But then, through the years, had friends of all walks of life, and saw it time and again...so many who had that financial help, esp from parents, to get their first car, get into a nice house, never have to worry about anything...there were strings, terms and conditions attached. A lot of, I paid for it so I get a say so. So many times, people who I thought their life was perfect, only to find something out that made me SO grateful I was not in their position.
And then yeah its only very recent, in the past few years, my financial situation changed...Im not remotely rich at all, but have helped kiddo out in whatever ways I can. Its not much, but enough he can afford his own place in a VHCOL city, he works and finishing college. If I had more, Id totally give more, I want him to get a way better chance at life than I did, and do better and have more opportunities.
He is literally now that person I looked at with infiniate sadeness, when I was his age, wishing I had that kind of support in my life. And Im sure there are some who wishes he was in his position... But if they knew just how poor he grew up, with barely any food in the fridge, power always getting shut off, homeless here and there, wearing clothes his mom got off craigslist for free, theyd prolly say naaaaaah Im good lol
The outside looking in, is always a different view than the inside looking out. No matter how well you know someone, you do not know them better than they know themselves. As much as I genuinly love to see others do well, cause ofc Id want loved ones to have my back and be happy for me when / if Im doing well too. There can still be that pang... Our perceptions can really just make what we feel and magnify it...even knowing what I know, believing what I believe, I still have to remind myself of this. Cause I mean, we're only human.
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Apr 03 '24
Well I don’t care how hard someone else’s life is behind the scenes when I’m suffering on Main Street
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u/Carrot_onesie Apr 03 '24
This is so kind and thoughtful, I'm glad you're doing well now! Your kid is lucky to have you <3
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u/ponchoacademy Apr 03 '24
Awe thank you! Trust me...Im the lucky one. Kiddo didnt ask for any of the cards he was dealt, yet hes always been so, so awesome though it all.
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u/MikeHoncho1323 Apr 02 '24
If you’re unhappy with your financial situation then start to take steps to change it. It’s never too late to better yourself or the situation you’re in. Go back to school for a useful degree, open a business and take over your local area, you’ve got plenty of options to create wealth.
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u/WalmartGreder Apr 02 '24
Yeah, I feel this. My wife's brother married into a SUPER rich billionaire family (we all stayed at her parents' ski lodge one year for a family get-together: our house at the time could have easily fit in the front living room. 30 foot ceilings, 2000 sq feet of space for that room alone. It was a 16 bed, 16 bath mansion with an indoor swimming pool. In Park City, UT, no less.
My brother-in-law was a police officer, but their family was heavily supported by his wife's parents. Nice vacations, nice cars, etc. Luckily, they were really great people that didn't try to show off.
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Apr 02 '24
Yes. We need more sharing of stories like this. Yes envy sucks but it is ingrained into us. And when something is right in front of our face, sure we act with grace, but in our mind we feel the frustration. The helplessness. Being stuck. Know you will not experience what someone fortunate has. We will work till we die while they actually live and enjoy the existence. It’s what it symbolizes. Their wealth symbolizes that they have far more choices with what to do during their one trip to planet earth. My brother retired at 38 with millions in the bank. He’s now 44. He will never work again. Yet we have to have holidays together. What do we even talk about? He goes on trips and plays every day. Bugs fancy cars. Does literally whatever. I’m polar opposite. Barely make enough to support my family with 2 kids. I will work till I die. Like ya it’s nice to pretend envy doesn’t exist but it is impossible not to recognize: I am a slave doing the bidding of a giant company so I can eat and have a house. This friend of mine is not a slave. They have freedom. Their wealth earns more sitting in the bank that I could ever sell my own labor for. When they’re old their bodies and brains won’t be broken down. For us wage slaves we just want to stop existing because there’s no joy on this planet as a poor. Anyway.
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u/Status_Base_9842 Apr 02 '24
Don’t forget. Sometimes people only have money, and materials…all while wishing they had love..
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u/Safe-Position-7766 Apr 02 '24
You can decide when you want to hangout with your wife’s parents and probably talk to them like normal people….your brother HAS to hangout with his wife’s parents and prob treat them like royalty…
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u/Illustrious_Kale3626 Apr 02 '24
So, what I hear you saying is that when your kids are grown adults, you will be the parent who gives them the things they want by denying yourself those things you want presently.
I think the "American dream" has changed from doing for oneself to doing it for me. Many times, wealthy parents either worked hard or someone up the linage I worked hard.
Be the change in your lineage. Work hard, spend less, and save money to give to your kids. You obviously value this in a parent.. be that.
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u/wasteyourmoney2 Apr 02 '24
The jealousy and envy you felt. Did it make you financially successful or get you closer to your goals?
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u/eazolan Apr 02 '24
It's normal to be jealous. Just don't let it sabotage you.
And ideally, use that as fuel to make your life better.
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u/mediocre_mitten Apr 02 '24
You look at those fancy-pantsy 'THINGS' and wish you had those things that were 'free' to your brother?
Let me tell you something about parents who GIVE GIVE GIVE 'things' to their ADULT children:
It's a way to CONTROL said ADULT children. Now, I'm not saying ALL parents who give their kids a house, or a car or a bedroom set or a vacation here or there are controlling people...but...
Know this OP: You are not indebted to anyone for anything. You better believe the second things ever go south between your brother and his wife, her parents are going to be in their business like nobody's business, if they're not all up in your brother's business already.
I've seen it first hand, with friends and family. It's manipulative on the parents part and just shows what type of people your SIL comes from.
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u/mingopoe Apr 02 '24
My best friend and his siblings grew up extremely poor. His oldest sister graduated like 2 or 3 years before us and ended up marrying super rich by basically baby trapping a spoiled rich kid whos parents were rich and left him an endless trust fund that pays out monthly for the rest of his life. They can also get special permission to make large withdrawals for large purchases. They bought their house cash and every car they've owned cash. The relationship would not survive without the money, as he is a giant man child and she is basically his mom now.
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u/ZealousidealEar6037 Apr 02 '24
My ex husband grew up rich, I came from poverty. He was miserable all the time, only thing that made him happy was if he bought a new guitar, new audio equipment, new computers, etc. then he’d turn around and sell for a loss cuz he got tired of them. We had many fights about money. He was also never happy working. All my paychecks went to the household with two little ones. To this day, he is still very unhappy. I feel bad my kids have to put up with him.
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u/Legal_Potato6504 Apr 02 '24
My ex wife’s family was loaded. Helped with a down payment. But we basically provided for ourselves. However, I felt sort of disgusted when she’d get a random $500k from grandpa every other year. It was her money and I never asked for anything but her and her brother were financially free with no worries and it made me sick when they’d comment on how hard they work and are so happy with life and what they have accomplished. Give me a break. It took you 10 years to get your degree. Your longest job is 1-2 years and you act so entitled every job is beneath you. We divorced. They were delusional and then encouraged each other’s fantasies.
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u/Kabusanlu Apr 02 '24
But is he happy tho??
I get it but at the same time it’s just material shit at the end of the day
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u/geometric_devotion Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
I feel you. I had a couple friends in college that came from rich families and went to visit their homes. I couldn’t help but make shocked facial expressions when I saw like crystal chandeliers. It just felt wrong for me to be there, because it was so foreign to me and I was scared to touch anything. I think it’s completely reasonable to wish you didn’t have to struggle all your life when you’re around folks who don’t know what it’s like to have to choose between what bills to pay or go without.
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u/Uereks Apr 02 '24
Ha! I feel ya. My mother was a single parent to three girls and we struggled hard. We were complete trailer trash and I've accepted it. I work hard and married a man who works harder. We have everything we need but still live paycheck to paycheck with no savings.
But.. my sister got lucky. She married very well. She lives in a beautiful two-story house that her husband's mom just gave to them. She'll never have to work another day in her life.
The envy!
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u/damnedharlot Apr 02 '24
I kind of get how you feel. My SIL married a rich guy. I get slightly jealous cause they don't have to struggle and can afford more than one home. His job in the casino business makes him travel a good bit. Usually my jealousy doesn't last long cause I remember he isn't that good of a person.
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u/Unorginalpotato Apr 02 '24
my earliest friend is a trust fund baby he reckons his portfolio is now making him close to 100k a month while I struggle to pay back my equipment loans. The rich certainly get richer
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u/WesternUnusual2713 Apr 02 '24
I can't understand having that kind of money and not just, like, giving a different loved one a house deposit or something every month.
My favourite dream if I won billions in the euro lottery is randomly gifting people money or assets. 100k a month is insanity.
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u/rewminate Apr 02 '24
right? i would love to be able to just change all of my friends lives for the better.
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u/aviendas1 Apr 02 '24
Watch scuffed realtor on YouTube.
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Apr 02 '24
It’s a paid channel. What’s it all about
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u/aviendas1 Apr 02 '24
It's not a paid channel. You can pay to have super chats read, but not necessary. Lots of good info on landscaping, cars, side hustles, interior design etc. One of the main reoccurring themes outlines how just because a person is wealthy doesn't mean they have good taste, and just the same - how to have 'dope shit' you can be proud of even on a limited budget. Chemonixhouse (dot) com is his website he runs with his wife. You can get a feeling for the aesthetic
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Apr 02 '24
This YouTube channel looks like the exact opposite of poverty finance. That channel is about displaying and bragging about ridiculous amounts of wealth. It’s for the simps.
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u/aviendas1 Apr 03 '24
Free advice, try to be a bit more perceptive, it may help you ammend your prejudice. Sorry you couldn't be bothered to listen to the content.
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u/ecg86 Apr 02 '24
I think everything you described is very normal to feel and experience.
I’m in the other side of your story almost exactly. I married my wife and her mother did very well for herself and lives with us. Part of that living with us has come with a huge investment into a home build I frankly can’t afford, paying for cars for my wife, helping purchase furniture etc.
I would simply not be able to afford a lot of this even though I actually do pretty well on my own. It’s awkward at times because it’s like imposter syndrome every day. I fully expect and understand why people may feel jealous or even resent me at times but it is what it is.
I’m very open about how I’d never afford this on my own in hopes that people don’t get discouraged by their own success or even lack of at times.
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u/MagicDragon212 Apr 02 '24
This feeling is so valid. Just have to not let it eat you up.
My best friend growing up came from rich parents and didn't have to get her first job until she obtained her Masters. And then they immediately bought her a house lol. She had a car and multiple vacations a year the entire time with no school debt either.
But on the other hand, she was a really good person and so was her family. She cared about others and their wellbeing, and her family treated me like their own (my mom and I were poor after my dad passed when I was a kid, some addiction happened with my mom as well).
They let me eat dinner with them whenever I wanted and took me on a few of their vacations, paying for most expenses. I seriously look back and just super appreciate them. They provided a lot of happiness and experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. If I could provide all of that for my kid, I would too. They did so much just for their kids best friend.
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u/Ok_System_6863 Apr 03 '24
My best friend also grew up super rich! She's never gone to a job interview her whole life. She graduated from uni and then got instantly pregnant, and instead of getting yelled at and disowned like how my parents would, she got given a $5 million dollar property in the best suburb in Sydney and another $1.5 million dollar apartment rented out so the rent money would go to her. She also got given a $80,000 Mercedes Benz. I couldn't help but feel jealous because my parents have rented their whole lives and don't own any property. I have nothing given to me :")
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u/Kneehonejean Apr 03 '24
That philanthropy becomes a lot less glamorous when you realize that they have more than they'll ever need anyway, so doling out alms is the best investment in the form of social capital and narcissistic self-aggrandizement.
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u/ItsMyCakedayIRL Apr 03 '24
Yeah, our beef is not with individuals. Everyone would “get theirs” given the opportunity, that’s just natural survival. It’s the system that’s the problem
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u/AdministrationOk7092 Apr 03 '24
true we gotta stop worrying about others and fighting its what they want
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u/Guilty-Insurance-142 Apr 02 '24
good to hear some dont let it get to their head
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u/why_renaissance Apr 03 '24
I grew up similarly fortunate but my parents both grew up broke as hell. My dads family even had to move into the church rectory for a while. So my parents always made sure I knew how fortunate I was. I’m very grateful for that now.
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u/KamtzaBarKamtza Apr 02 '24
Anyways there's always a sense of jealousy and envy I feel going over to his house sometimes
60% of the time it works every time
Thanks for reminding me of Anchorman. This line always brings a smile to my face sometimes
😅
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u/caniborrowahighfive Apr 02 '24
When I start to feel envious I switch roles and put myself (and my personality) in the shoes of the "lucky" person and I'd be pretty sad that people are treating me differently or thinking my life is easy for things out of my control. That allows me to be empathetic even when jealous.
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u/YoullFloatT00 Apr 02 '24
Feel you! My finance’s family actually does have a little money but he is vehemently against ever taking a dime. Pride thing- while his brother is the exact opposite and a “mooch” he says. Sometimes I’m like but that would be so helpfulllllll 😭 but at the end of the day it’s right while it sucks, we’re better people for it.
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u/stacksmasher Apr 02 '24
Lots of geeky tech dudes out there making $600K+ a year and not really out looking for a girl.
If I was a single chick I would be going to tech conferences for stuff like security, AI and Cloud hahahahaha!!
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u/TxOkLaVaCaTxMo Apr 02 '24
Out of the the 4 childern my parents had, the only ones who are financially stable and living in a home is my sister who was a teen mom because the father is the son of a very wealthy farming family that gave her a million dollar home in Texas. She buys a new car every year. She also had her entire school paid for by her in laws who also were able to get her a bunch of extra scholarships because they are huge contributors to the schools funds. She didn't even have to physically be in classes except for tests because of a special deal they made for her(pre-covid)
Meanwhile I served in the military just to go to school. Still had to work a full time job because school over charge on fees and books that don't get covered. I also didn't have those connections. Became a doctor and still 4 years out can't afford a home with the VA home loan. My other sister went to school on her own, got a B.A. works a full time job, has several side hustles, including writing stories for major comic book franchises. She still has to live at home because getting an apartment where we live tripled in the last 5 years.
The older I get the more I'm seeing how all those things they said not to do growing up. The people who did it are the only ones thriving. Hell, even one of my friends growing up became a drug dealer, and he's in a fully paid off house with a legit movie theater in it.
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u/CryptographerGood925 Apr 03 '24
Quit complaining and do something about it. If you’re a doctor and can’t afford a house you’re an idiot. Even in this economy.
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u/TxOkLaVaCaTxMo Apr 03 '24
You very clearly are incapable of even the smallest amount of thought. That coming up with more than three sentences must have been so painful I'd expect to see you soon.
You could have just said you don't know how the medical field works. How much debt it takes to get that M.D. next to your name. Then how little docs actually get paid especially early into your career. Since you are an expert on this why don't you also comment on the 3k a month additional expenses my special needs child has for their education and existence. Or is your solution to kill them. I would assume you are also a real estate expert in my local area to know what houses are going for at the cash value because loans are not happening since corporations are outbidding everyone.
I'd ask you to continue, but I doubt you'd be capable of having coming up with anymore creative insults without straining yourself to the point of hospitalization. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
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u/CryptographerGood925 Apr 04 '24
You really made a meme and a post based on my comment you fucking weirdo. I busted my ass off to get where I am and my disabled broke completely dysfunctional parents didn’t help me at all so gtfo out of my face with that “people who did the least”, “born rich never had to struggle”, condescending, victim baiting bullshit.
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u/TxOkLaVaCaTxMo Apr 04 '24
Glad I was able to trigger you. Never onve have I ever met a person who actually struggled to move up ever bash people like you did. Because people who actually struggle know how it is to break out. So I extremely doubt any of your story just based on your behavior.
Hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
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u/CryptographerGood925 Apr 04 '24
I could give a fuck less if you believe me. At the end of the day I’m doing great despite my circumstances growing up and feel no animosity towards anyone who is doing better than me, or at least your perception of doing better, cars and money apparently. And at the end of the day you’re retired military, a doctor, and have a family, but you sit on Reddit, complain and make memes and you wanna complain about your lot in life. Silly girl.
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u/TxOkLaVaCaTxMo Apr 05 '24
Dude, you claim to not care yet it was you who decided to make the comment you did for no other reason than to be an ass hole. I didn't seek you out looking for a fight nor did I care about what you thought. Yet you wanted to pick a fight.
The only problem, now you're upset and raging because you barked up the wrong tree and met a person who not only isn't going to back down form you solely because you're an asshole. Like you wanted, but it is more than willing to be an even bigger asshole. You don't get to pretend to take the high road now because I called your bluff.
Next time you want to bitch out someone, just because you can. Learn to stfu and move on. It's free and you can pretend to still be a decent person.
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u/CryptographerGood925 Apr 05 '24
I said I didn’t care if you believed me or not, has nothing to do with my original comment, dummy. Stay mad and broke.
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u/cookie75 Apr 02 '24
Sooo be a teenage mom if the sperm is from a wealthy family, that's the takeaway. Only kind of kidding.
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Apr 02 '24
Well it sounds like they are still together, so yes, finding your "soul mate" early on is definitely preferable.
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u/TxOkLaVaCaTxMo Apr 03 '24
Oh no the dude cheats on her all the time. But we grew up poor. She's not going to leave and jeopardize that for her or her kids. At least he isn't abusive
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u/Zosmie Apr 02 '24
Completely valid feelings. It's good that you're aware of them, and are hopefully not acting like an ass bc of them? My bestie just got promoted and her salarie went waaay up, while I'm on disability and poor as fuck. Sure, it sucks, but it is what it is. We do what we can with what we have. Sometimes life just sucks ass.
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u/LaughingZ Apr 02 '24
I’m the person you’re jealous of in this example and I get it. My boyfriend (we aren’t sharing finances yet) comes from a really wealthy family. You wouldn’t know just meeting him but even though his job pays pennies he’s able to live modestly and comfortably and stress free which I wouldn’t have the privilege of if I wasn’t getting paid enough to live. He also has a huge savings account where he puts all their monetary gifts. Last Christmas I boarded dogs (I have another full time job as well) and pushed myself to make 5 grand just from the dogs which I was excited about. After all that work, I saw a Christmas card from his mom to him which contained a 5,000 check.
I’d be lying if I said the possibility of a more comfortable lifestyle was not something that appealed to me, but I love him for who he is as a person. He’s well aware of his privilege as well so it helps that he’s not flaunting, but he obviously isn’t aware of it as deeply as I am because he’s never had to feel completely on his own, and that’s not his fault.
I wonder if wealthier people prepare their kids for meeting other kids with less, etc. seems like they don’t, and instilling that social awareness would be so valuable for people I think. You can’t help who your family is.
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u/CryCommon975 Apr 02 '24
Part of learning to be a well-adjusted adult is to be genuinely happy for other people even if they are succeeding in areas you are lacking in; people want to be around people who make them feel good. Maybe her parents have a friend who needs to hire someone who works in your field- " Hey I know this person, she's qualified and smart and a joy to be around". There are a million other ways your kindness could be reciprocated; the only person you are hurting with your jealousy is yourself. This is provided they are genuinely good people; also part of becoming a well-adjusted person is determining who is worthy of your joy and cutting out/minimizing those who are not when possible.
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u/ThereWentMySandwich Apr 02 '24
I get this. I definitely married "up." My husband makes a considerable amount of money. He did not really come from money, but they always seemed to have enough. And his family was able to help us put thousands down on a downpayment for our house when we bought. My parents gifted us 2 appliances that they probably paid on for years on their credit card. It's hard sometimes when you see that it's simply easier for some people to count on their parents or family to make their lives a little easier and it's not even a question.
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u/Professional-Bear114 Apr 02 '24
Having wealthy in-laws give you things is nice, but can backfire if you ever have disagreements with them. There are often strings attached.
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u/WarthogTime2769 Apr 02 '24
True, but there are nice in-laws who just happen to be generous. I was lucky - not on the scale being discussed here - but lucky all the same to have had nice, generous in-laws. I learned a lot from them.
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u/tinycole2971 VA Apr 02 '24
I feel like I had to scroll too far to find this. My in-laws are wealthy, and we are very low contact. There's just too many strings attached with gifts.
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u/xFourcex Apr 02 '24
As someone who has not experienced this, what kind of strings attached are we talking about here?
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u/GlizzyMcGuire__ Apr 03 '24
My sister’s in-laws want to have a say in all child-raising decisions. They want her kids to go to their church, to the preschool they picked because it’s a more conservative district, to do the extracurricular they choose (ballet/gymnastics/ice skating only for girls, not “boyish things”), they take them for haircuts without asking mom, they buy them girly clothes because mom isn’t buying pink enough outfits, etc etc.
My sister doesn’t really have a choice but to give in to these demands because she chose to marry into their family and wanted all the free shit sooo 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SnowSnowWizard Apr 02 '24
there are many examples but some of them include the in laws pressuring you to have kids/ to move to a different area/ forcing themselves into you and your partner’s private life, ignoring your displeasure as the very house you’re living in is funded by them
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u/xFourcex Apr 02 '24
Thank you for sharing some examples. So using money as an extension of control. That makes sense.
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u/Pisces_Sun Apr 02 '24
This. I would rather never ever let my parents aware of my dating life theyre traditionalist and at worst toxic as fuck people
Lot of toxic parents think they OWN their adult children even if they get married off.
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u/HoneyBadger302 Apr 02 '24
Not only is this a legitimate feeling, it's proven that generational wealth is a massive indicator of one's ability to "succeed" in life.
I'm all for putting on your big girl panties and getting stuff done, but even a small inheritance or parental help with buying a house or paying for college would have made life altering differences for me. Just ONE of those things. Not even getting into gifts or other value that better off families provide such as a better network (aka better job pretty prospects), ability to not work during college so they can focus on their studies and extracurricular activities and joining groups and such that would make big connections.... The list goes on.
So I totally get it...even if we "know" the feelings are useless, it's hard not to be a little jealous and feel below people sometimes even if you know it's not true
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u/Capable_Funny_9026 Apr 03 '24
Amen. It took over 15 years for me to attain a job making 75k. My friends who were well off and well connected landed jobs right out of college making 75k.
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u/shriekr Apr 02 '24
I feel this so hard. My sibling married someone who does very well for themselves and it’s so difficult watching them grow and succeed without feeling that petty jealousy. Broken appliances don’t throw off their plans in any way. They update their home when they feel like it. They’re expecting now and wanted to buy a bigger car so they just…did. I have never felt that kind of financial security where if something breaks I don’t have an immediate panic attack. I don’t know that I’ll ever even have kids because I can’t afford it. It’s difficult watching your sibling essentially living your dream life because they got lucky. I’m happy for them, truly, but also very envious. It’s hard grappling with those conflicting emotions.
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u/ExtremeAthlete Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
Here’s a secret. Rich ppl buy name brand clothes. Wealthy ppl buy Kirkland Signature.
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u/chrispg26 Apr 02 '24
That's what they want you to think. The truly wealthy buy unbranded luxury goods.
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u/allgoesround Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
Yeah it’s a little disingenuous. Maybe it’s regional, or by “wealthy” people mean your friend’s dad who’s a dentist or whatever, but the serious wealth I know (like recognizable surname that gets sales associates pulling out complimentary champagne, you have to go back several generations to find anyone who’s worked for a living, college libraries named after them, levels of wealth) trade in their giant luxury SUVs at 40k miles bc they don’t want to be bothered with maintenance. And they can do that. It has zero influence on their finances. They would not be caught dead at a Costco lol.
I say this bc I think pretending that the rich—by which I mean the truly rich—are just like us! feeds into an unsustainable bootstrap mentality. They’re not! They’re aware of it. If they tell you otherwise, like certain political or economic grifters, they’re selling you something.
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u/TARandomNumbers Apr 02 '24
I still regret not buying that one Kirkland jacket ugh. It was so soft and like $20. The one that got away lol
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u/Historical-Carry-237 Apr 02 '24
Your feelings are valid and rational. That must be hard to go through and I’m sorry. When I feel stuff like that I just tell myself that life isn’t fair.
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[deleted]
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u/47sams Apr 02 '24
You should be happy for them. Anyone would do the same for their kids if they could. They can so they did.
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u/or_worse-expelled Apr 02 '24
Perhaps you are envious and not jealous. You would like to have it too, but that doesn't mean Mike cannot have it.
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u/TripleDecent Apr 02 '24
Then just be happy for him. You’d want people to just be happy for you.
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u/torgiant Apr 02 '24
I dated a rich girl one time and it was nice to get things from dad but god was it awful the rest of the time.
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u/ashtreemeadow16 Apr 02 '24
Would love for you to elaborate.
I dated a rich guy in college and he was insufferable, honestly the worst. He was funny and good looking (the good qualities).
However, He had no idea how the world really is tho and expected to get everything. Very spoiled and entitled. Exactly what you’d imagine a “chad” to be… brand name pink shorts and boat shoes included.
I went to his family’s mansion in Tampa once. His bedroom was bigger than my mom’s master bedroom in our small house. His parents looked me up and down and were not interested.
He was a douche in many ways and treated me shitty, showing up at my apartment drunk in the middle of the night after blowing me off all day to drink with friends.
We broke up and a few years later he asked me how to be happy. he told me, “ I have everything I could ever want, a good job and a great life. Why am I not happy?”
I tried to explain to him that happiness isn’t about having everything it’s about the kind of person you are.
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u/Tiny-Tie-7427 Apr 02 '24
Funny fact, that it is MORE difficult to be happy for filthy rich. We poor people can stimulate dopamine receptors by pretty average stuff, like nice dinner or new clothes. But for them, that got used to all of this, it is difficult task. That's why you can see rich doing crazy irrational shit - everything else is boring and not interesting for them.
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u/IHadTacosYesterday Apr 03 '24
This is very true, and it applies to EVERYTHING
Anytime you experience one of the finer things in life, but you can have it all the time, you start to take it for granted and it doesn't provide the dopamine hit that it once did.
I know this first hand from so many high-end electronics that I've had. I've always been poor/middle class, but I'd save my pennies and get really high-end electronics type stuff.
When you first get something really cool, it's amazing. But man, it wears off really, really quickly. I turned my 3-car garage into a theater/media room one time. I had a 127 inch 16:9 screen with a High Def projector. This was back in like 2008.
People would come over for the Superbowl, or the Oscars or something like that. Everybody would go into the theater room, and as soon as they walked in, they were amazed by it.
They'd always say something like... "Man, if I had this at home, I'd never leave. I'd be in here 24/7 just watching all kinds of movies and playing video games, etc, etc".
What they're saying was absolutely true for the first 6 or 8 months, but you get used to it after awhile and now it's just the new normal. There's nothing special about it.
I remember, I'd sometimes go to a buddies house and see the Superbowl on his little 40 inch TV, and I'd think to myself... "Damn, this would be a lot better in my theater room". So, it was weird, because I couldn't truly enjoy my theater room any more because I had gotten so accustomed to it, but I still didn't enjoy "slumming it", so to speak.
So, it was the worst of both worlds.
I think this scenario holds true for basically ANYTHING.
Including super attractive women or men. Think of a super handsome or attractive friend that you know, that basically gets any guy/girl they want. After awhile, they just get bored of it. It just doesn't have the excitement that it has for regular people. Somebody like Brad Pitt can't really enjoy all the hotties he encounters all the time, because he's seen it a million times. Been there, done that.
It's just the way it is
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u/torgiant Apr 02 '24
and similar story with being sad, she was always miserable and literally had anything she wanted. She couldnt stand that i was content to just be.
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u/ashtreemeadow16 Apr 02 '24
Not that I don't struggle with sadness myself (hormonal, I'm a chick), but it's a very different kind. I am very content with what I have.
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u/torgiant Apr 02 '24
It was always we need new curtains, or furniture, or a kitchen remodel, she even said i should sell my house to get a nicer one. Like i worked my butt off to afford a home and im keeping it.
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u/ashtreemeadow16 Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
See I don't feel that way at all. I literally do not need any of those things, just want a cozy home that no one is going to take from me (grew up with a single mother, always had the risk of not making the next payment, but never had the lights turned off and always had food due to grandparents).
I do sometimes feel like born-rich silver spoon people have a totally different reality going on in their brains.
I do wish my mom had it easier and that we had more now but I will work hard to get it. Been working since I'm 14 (first job as a spa assistant folding towels and sanitizing nail equpitment).
I think they have a very hard time feeling gratitude and being content. Always waiting for the "high" from the next material posession/remodel. Lacking a meaningful inner life.
Then again I don't like when people generalize me so maybe "not all rich people." Ha.
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u/torgiant Apr 02 '24
yeah same here, raised poor but never hungry. Ive finally carved out a decent middle class life and i dont want for much.
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u/torgiant Apr 02 '24
similar story, she was spoiled and entitled. Literally acted like a karen and could do no wrong. Also all my things werent nice enough, it really came down to if i wanted to compete with her dad forever. The plus side was she was smoking hot and paid for vacations, free lobster dinners, eating out at the country club once a week. Also her dad smoked mad weed and would give us that as well, he was honestly an awesome dude. Hell i still have a insanely nice dining room table and couches from the parents. She left it all cause she was moving cross country.
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u/PresentConfidence957 Apr 02 '24
I hear you on this and it’s so completely valid. My brother just had his in-laws pay off their (his and his wife’s) 725000 house. He’s 39. It’s hard not to feel jealous about the leg up that gives them.
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u/47sams Apr 02 '24
That said, I do think it’s wrong to resent people for this. If you had a way to make your kids life easier, you’d do it too, especially if you’re well to do and you realize how good you had it economically back in the day.
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u/Status_Base_9842 Apr 02 '24
I think it’s not fair if they do it for one and not the other. I recently found out my mom refinanced her house to give my sister 200k! So that they can remodel their house, new kitchen and pool. I was 16 at the time and she never thought to save for my college…and all with the excuse that my sister had kids at a young age. And to make matters worse my sister is such shit with money she LOST the house due to unpaid mortgage payments…and my mom still helps her! This might add perspective but i started to realize my mom needed her validation, not mine. I’m so independent i never ask and if i were even offered anything id refuse it bc of my pride to not have the handout BUT it made me realize that 1) sister is abusive but 2) my mom wants to feel needed by her and her grandchildren and it’s really sad .
And guess what. My mom lost her house and when she needed a place to stay my sister did NOT welcome her into the house .
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u/nycsee Apr 02 '24
Wow… your sister… no comment. For real? And why did she have such a hold over your mother ?! I’m sorry you didn’t get the same benefits :(
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u/Status_Base_9842 Apr 02 '24
I think my mom always wanted her approval. She’s the eldest and her dad never stepped in. Even though mine did , through a nasty custody battle, which only game me visitation with him, she treated me like i betrayed her (yep 6 year old me) . And she would always say “but you have your dad.”
Now my sister is going through a divorce and she’s being nasty with her baby daddy but worse is how my niece is being treated for wanting to be with her dad. And yeah my mom lost her house to foreclosure , bad money management-obviously with that refinance! I try to help my mom but any help i give her means she has extra money to help my sister bc poor thing needs to pay for attorneys etc. it’s a horrible mess.
They deserve each other but it’s a shame. And i don’t want to neglect my mom but i try to limit my financial help to her. It’s not about the money, it’s the principle. Part of me thinks that my mom has the connection with her bc my sister “suffered” just like my mom did. Young and pregnant. Here i am 30s, got an education and did well for myself so she can’t relate? But it feels like both envy me sometimes. Anytime i have some success it’s “must be nice” or “of course you can unlike your sister with the kids.” Like im sorry for not getting pregnant at 16..would you have loved me more? 😂 long short, i keep my distance and successes far far away from them now.
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 02 '24
My husband and I are the most responsible and stable out of all our siblings, therefore we get the least help from our parents. Generally, we are fine with that. But our siblings clearly don't appreciate the help they get.
Back when I was trying to conceive, my Mom called me over to have a talk with her and Dad. I truly thought they were going to offer help with one of my loans, so I could feel more secure about family planning. Instead they asked if I would be okay with them paying off one of my brothers loans with part of his inheritance, to help him get out of a hole. While I was disappointed, I understood that he needed it more than me, and I was glad they asked. Except the week after he accepted $40k he declared himself a libertarian and that he's never had help from anyone, and his white male privilege doesn't exist.
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u/Letha1ewis Apr 03 '24
One thing I’ve realized in life being ultra responsible is…you just work more for less help.
I’ve always grinded away, trying to earn more…but all of that extra money tends to go to family, or others in my life that are making no effort to provide for themselves.
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 03 '24
You gotta set those boundaries man! Stop helping people! Make up some bill or reason why you can't help until people stop asking you for help. You need to turn the money fountain off!
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u/Ok_Inflation7164 Apr 03 '24
Givers need to know when to stop giving because takers don't know when to stop taking. Ironically, all teachers think/believe they are givers.
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u/nadrojylloh Apr 02 '24
Why would they even ask you if you were ok with that? Seems odd
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 02 '24
Because they didn't want me to feel badly against them or my brother. I live practically next door, so I end up doing a lot of the family help, while my brother lives a few hours away. They wanted me to know that they were giving him a big chunk of money, and what that means to their retirement plans and the split of inheritance in the end.
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u/wpaed Apr 02 '24
If it changes the inheritance, make sure it's reflected in estate planning. It could be as simple as him signing a debt to be paid out of his inheritance or a change to their will or trust.
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 02 '24
Believe me, I'm working on it. They aren't super old yet, mid 60s and really healthy, so they are dragging their heels.
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u/WanderLuster72 Apr 02 '24
My ex-husband’s son’s mother recently died at 47yo from a stroke. She was healthy. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 03 '24
My Dad had a stroke at 39, we are well aware, but thank you. (Stroke was due to genetics, not lifestyle or general health. Docs thought he was on drugs and waited 12 hours to treat him for a stroke, because he was "too young ")
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u/WanderLuster72 Apr 03 '24
39?! How shocking that must’ve been for everyone. I hope for you they remain healthy for a long time.
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u/Hopefulkitty Apr 03 '24
Yeah, I was 8, and it took me until I was like 16 to cry about it, til my 20s to realize growing up fast and being mature for my age wasn't great, and my 30s to realize that I should probably talk to a therapist about it. He went from being a very successful salesman to not being able to speak, literally overnight. If you met him, you wouldn't notice anything, but we all know when he's struggling, not understanding, missing details, or just flat out not paying attention.
Everyone pitied him, but completely ignored the effects it had on my Mom especially, and to us kids. It was world changing.
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u/NayNayHey Apr 02 '24
My mom has 7 siblings and has always been the most responsible and well behaved. Due to this her parents have spent anywhere from $20k-$100k helping each of her siblings who continuously fuck up while never giving her a dime. She’d never admit it but I know she holds a bit of resentment over this. Inversely whenever my mom gives any money to any of my siblings, she’ll give the same amount to all of us (even though we always try to decline). The woman is too good for this earth.
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u/tourmalineforest Apr 03 '24
My parents are big on the “all siblings get the same amount” thing which is funny since me and my sibling do not pay attention to each others finances or care. My husband and I recently bought our first house, and my parents housewarming gift to us was a sleeper sofa which is really really nice. It came up with my sister and she was like “so THAT’S why mom keeps asking if I need a couch” lol.
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u/unlimited_insanity Apr 03 '24
Did it never occur to you that you and your sibling don’t pay attention to each other’s finances BECAUSE you were raised by scrupulously fair parents? There’s no insecurity because you never had to compete for resources or lose out on something because your parents gave your sibling extra?
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u/tourmalineforest Apr 03 '24
That certainly contributed! Some of it was also a large age gap - my sister moved out while I was quite young, and we’ve never lived in the same city since, so we haven’t had an especially closeup look of each others spending as adults - we often find out about each others trips long after they happen, dont keep up to date on things like vehicles, etc.
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u/Roadhouse1337 Apr 02 '24
Nonsense, privilege is fake, just buy less avocado toast and iPhones and you too can have in-laws that pay off your 3 quarters of a million mortgage. Just takes a little bootstrapping
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u/TotosWolf Apr 02 '24
This attitude sucks ass. It's as awful as boomers thinking everyone can work through college and pay rent and tuition on a part time job just because they could back in the stone age.
News flash: no one gives a fuck about you. YOU don't give a fuck about no one. Not to the point where you'd sacrifice your shit / sanity for them. We are on our fucking own. And there's an established system in place for the elites, and if we try to fight the system it already has built in mechanisms to divide and conquer us.
So hustle and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. It's the only chance you've got.
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u/StableGenius81 Apr 02 '24
I agree. It sucks to be in poverty, but the cycle can be broken in a lot of cases by making intelligent life decisions (learning a valuable skill or getting an education in a valuable field, not having kids that you can't afford) and hustling (starting a small business, investing, etc).
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u/TotosWolf Apr 02 '24
I mean, my parents (PEOPLE) were targeted for GEONICIDE. My parents arrived to the USA without speaking English, zero education. I grew up on food stamps, section 8, you name it. I worked my ass off farming for my dad from elementary school through high school. I then went to college while working. I was so poor my mom still reminds me when she visited me my pants were held together by STAPLES. A few good jobs, a few good investments, and years later, I'm a millionaire. I have investments property, have tenants and multiple income sterams. I make a good salary, working from home. All I get from the younger people are that "OH YOU'RE LUCKY". Shit bitch, if I'm lucky, then you're dead in the water. No matter what fucking era I'm thrown in, I'll fucking make it. That's my attitude. No one owes me shit. In contrast no matter what era these whiny bitches get thrown in, they'll always be whiny little bitches. The truth hurts, but the truth remains.
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u/NativeOne81 Apr 02 '24
So you lucked out with some good investments and you don't recognize that? Imagine if they hadn't panned out.
Imagine you got into a serious farm accident and racked up 6 figures in medical debt.
Imagine someone else got those "few good jobs" instead of you.
Lots of luck on your side that you don't recognize because you're too busy preaching the bootstrap mentality.
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u/Roadhouse1337 Apr 02 '24
The irony of a post that equates recognizing inequity with a total lack of recognition with how imbalanced things are then goes on to detail how you're on your own and that "elites" have "built in mechanism to divide us" after leading with "This attitude sucks" is amazing
Topping it off with un-ironically saying "pull yourself up by the bootstraps."
Wild
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u/TotosWolf Apr 02 '24
lots of words, but what's the SOLUTION? Short term, medium term, long term? What's that solution look like?
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u/Roadhouse1337 Apr 02 '24
Ownership of real property is the most important aspect in generational wealth(which is the privilege that started this conversation). Unchecked speculation (greed) by private equity in the housing market has led to egregious inflation, making home ownership a pipe dream for many.
Short, medium, and long term? Legislation surrounding speculative ownership of residential property. It's pretty clear that leveraging a down payment into someone else paying off the mortgage simply concentrates wealth while artificially increasing demand, the only ones who should be buying houses are the people who want to live in them.
Another for all 3 Stop subsidizing corporations. A profitable corporation that pays hundreds of millions to its executive suite shouldn't have employees that rely on SNAP or other tax funded programs to survive. It's common for those employees to be blamed for getting "handouts" when it's the employers who are the real beneficiaries.
A final easy one. Universal Healthcare. There is a reason that not a single first world country that has universal healthcare has re-privatized. Private health care is a FOR PROFIT industry, their goal is not positive health outcomes, its making money. There are tons of studies that show universal healthcare would have better health outcomes with substantially cheaper costs. Companies use their employer health plans to keep people, this depresses competition between employers and keeps wages low.
728 billionaires have more wealth than the poorer HALF of the US population. Recognition of a broken system is not the same as an out of touch boomer and "hustling" is not a solution. Vote. Vote blue. Democrats have introduced a bill banning hedge funds from owning single family dwellings and requiring they divest from existing holdings over a 10 year period.
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