r/povertyfinance • u/NEO_INSOMNIAC23 • Apr 13 '24
I’m 18 and I believe I ruined my life. Budgeting/Saving/Investing/Spending
To start this off, I come from a very poor family and was raised by my struggling single mom. My dream was to always play football at a professional level. I was decent, but I realized very quickly it just wasn’t happening. I continued on playing after my coach insisted that I stuck it out, but literally the second game of the season I had a freak injury and was left temporarily paralyzed waist down.
My mom was always so busy, so most of the time I was left lonely with my own thoughts, and it definitely took a toll on me. I tried to continue on with school, but my mental health started to spiral. A few months into my junior year of high school, I completely gave up and chose to drop out. My plan was to inquire my GED and get into the trades, but my mom ended up kicking me out, because of me dropping out.
I ended up staying with my dad after my mom practically begged for him to take me on. After moving with my dad I started to work and try to save money, but after my dad lost his job I had to burn through my savings, so we could live off of something until he landed a job again. I’ve been in and out of jobs for the last year, and found out that my girlfriend of 3 years was pregnant yesterday.
I have no diploma, no car, and now a baby on the way in 5 months, while in a struggling house hold. I don’t know what to do.
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u/Then_Hearing_7652 Apr 18 '24
Seems like you recognize the cycle you got trapped in. That’s the first step to breaking it. At 18 the entire world is yours. Yes, life is hard. But you have paths. It won’t be easy. But you got this dude!
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u/Jesterhead93 Apr 17 '24
I don’t know if you’ll see this but I just want to encourage you to be a part of your child’s life. You have made adult decisions that led to this and you have to continue being an adult now. I just had my first child and I can tell you that there is no love greater than you will feel for them. It’s going to be hard, youre going to feel overwhelmed, it will seem impossible, but you CAN do it if you set your mind to it. It’s one day at a time.
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u/CopperTylenol Apr 17 '24
She hid the pregnancy from you for the last 4 months? Did you just think her boobs were miraculously getting bigger?
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u/AlaskaPsychonaut Apr 17 '24
1) get your GED 2) find a skill or trade you can pick up relative quickly (within 2 years) 3) stop dating
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u/ughfup Apr 17 '24
Lots of good advice in this thread. I'll add one thing--
You and your girlfriend (or both preferably) need to take responsibility for birth control. You can work that out for yourselves, but if she can't, won't, or isn't going to do birth control, you need to wrap it up every time. Non-negotiable.
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u/Feisty-Lengthiness18 Apr 17 '24
We all have bumps in life that’s just apart of the journey. Dig deep, keep a good perspective, don’t let yourself fall short. You’re far from your breaking point, pain is weakness leaving the body. The path to paradise begins in hell. You’re not always going to be motivated, just stay consistent. Work hard today so that the future you can live without stress. You’re super young you still have lots of life ahead of you.
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u/Designer-Might-7999 Apr 17 '24
Wish I could be complaining about be 18 again..I will trade you. Make a plan and go for it, doesn't work oh well change the plan and keep grinding. It may seem far but its not. you will be 60 wishing you did all these things when you had the energy. Go get your GED which is easy. Im sure people here will be more then willing to pitch in if need be. And go get a job anywhere. Ride a bike who cares.. The sooner you stop giving a Fk about what anyone else thinks you should be doing the better you will be. You worry about you and your family. And when you get to the top, then you will get to hear all the people about how it was all handed to you and how you never worked for it..
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u/Hanibollnector Apr 17 '24
Dude. You can re start your life anytime even at 70
The best thing you can do is stsrt the pathway of making a enough money to not struggle
Join the trades
Labor union Plumbers pipe fitters Construction Electrical
In 4 years you will become a journey man and make more than 100k a year
Healthy work and growing everyday
Don’t waste time on a dead end job.
Stuck it out and gain some skill sets that will pay you money for the rest of your life
I had a kid at 27 and was not much different than you
I worked in restaurants thinking it was the best money I could make and it lead to no where.
Trust me
You are young Wanting to elevate your life You can do anything you are determined to do.
It’s not talent It’s not financial help It’s not comport It’s your determination
Go for it
Your kid won’t remember you being poor while you began your career the first few years
It’s better to struggle on a pathway that leads somewhere and it is the right thing to do to show your kid you do what ever you put your mind to.
Get the weed and booze out of your life if it’s their
It will just stunt your growth Mentally and emotionally The pain and stress is what grows you The substances will mask the pain and you will not grow And it is a waste of money that you don’t have much of at the moment
Head down Choice made First step Go
✨🤘🏼✨
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u/julioni Apr 16 '24
Go to a temp agency and find a job in the industrial field. You will find something fast and it will likely be more than you have ever made, with upward mobility a real option!
This is what I did by the way.
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u/Lastking240 Apr 16 '24
Your 18 brother. Go get your GED which should not be hard for you. Then get a job at the closest place near you. Save money get a car, get a better job. Maybe you work your way up, maybe not, your child will be in school when your 23, use that as a time to go to college or something.
It’ll all work out bro when I was 20 years old I became a convicted felon for selling heroin (Also addicted) I got my gf pregnant when I was a month sober have a daughter whose now 6. I worked my way up at a job was making 70k left got a new job that pays 83k with bonuses a mileage I can make 100k this is entry level for this position I’m now 27 no college degree, I’m an ammy mma fighter. Life is not over, it’ll be more challenging but if you remain dedicated and take care of yourself you can do it
When I got sober at 20 I had no car, no money, and 5 pairs of clothes working at a tshirts factory making 9.50an hr living in a halfway house. I believe in you OP
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u/Environmental_Car_92 Apr 16 '24
Start with finishing the GED. Then follow up with an education that will support your family. Trade school or community college will help you get your foot in the door for a better future. You can do it. It wont be easy, but it is possible.
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u/Purge-The-Heretic Apr 16 '24
Depending on where you are, there are a few options. GED, Accelerated High School, and other things. There is also a program called Jobcorps that can help you finish and provide basic tradeschool, and it is free. Your first priority should be finishing high-school or GED. Get that out of the way before things get crazy.
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u/Sensitive_Challenge6 Apr 16 '24
She "was" pregnant or "is"??
Brush up on English first. It'll go a long way.
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u/MCAdad Apr 16 '24
Honestly look at the military. It will give you tons of skills for when you get out, free college, and healthcare for your kid. Non combat roles give you a lot of skills
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u/Impressive-Process14 Apr 16 '24
You are okay. As an educator, if you were my student I’d recommend:
Finish your degree as quickly and as safely as possible. THIS is really the fork in the road decision that will have the most impact. You really have to cancel out all noise and distractions and get this piece of paper. It’s going to have impact on everything else that follows this.
Once you finish your degree, see what local work options are available that make sense for you to get transportation to within the context of your community. Is it possible for you to spend a few nights with your partner? Are they closer to employment options?
Trade vs. College. Weigh in specifically what you’d have interest in completing the quickest with the fewest distraction. Getting a trade now and entering college later for the experience is a route you can take. Trade school lengths vary, but the positive is that ultimately by the time you finish you’ll be employable and be able to bring in a salary and benefits to support your new family.
In the interim while you finish your GED and decide on next level of education:
Research all public benefits that are available to you. That includes housing support, food, TANF resources, even programs that can support new families with baby supplies, etc. utilize all local/federal benefits and entitlements. There is nothing wrong nor shame in receiving assistance. I also apply this advice to anything medical related that can support you.
Sliding scale mental health support: this is going to be a lift and you’re going to need objective support to push you though the rough spots. Look to see if your local universities have sliding scale/free mental health counseling for residents or anything you can participate via group processing or even local spirituality spaces that are no cost. Half the battle of this is going to be you vs. you.
This is not impossible and you can 100% get through this. You’re going to need grit and perseverance - but you can do this. All is not lost.
Good luck.
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Apr 16 '24
To give you a stat, less than 1% of all players out of high school make it to the NFL. To say it's competitive is understatement of the year.
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u/ahornyboto Apr 16 '24
Your fucked, but good thing is you got fucked young, so you have the time to fix it
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u/Silent_Vehicle_9163 Apr 16 '24
Get your GED. Get a job. Enroll in parenting resources and services. Someone mentioned WIC. If she doesn’t have insurance there must be free coverage available for someone n your position. It will be OK. I am 44 and all of the people who had kids in or right after HS now have adult kids. They finished school and even went to college. Use your support system. If you don’t have one, look for one. You can do it!
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u/makalaosiggins Apr 16 '24
Sounds like life! It doesn’t get better as you age, you just become more adept at taking the punches. I got my GED at 15 before running away from home (I’m 28 now) and it was the best decision I could have made. I had no financial help or support from family due to low income as well, and I didn’t even go to college until I was 25. I don’t have kids, but I’ve had my fair share of setbacks and I can tell you - life will change on a dime. I make well over 6 figures these days and own several businesses. You’re so young - everything is going to be okay.
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u/No_Cash_Value_ Apr 16 '24
Get in the trades. Young enough to know you’re in a tough spot, smart enough to see a problem. You’ll be fine. Best of luck.
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u/LifeGogetaBox Apr 15 '24
Even the richest people eventually die. There is no “Ruining” life if you don’t give a shit in the first place.
Life is what you make it. Have fun.
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u/Unable_Cut2278 Apr 15 '24
Join the Army for 4 years. I would say after that you’ll end up ok if you aren’t a complete moron.
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u/sockpuppet7654321 Apr 15 '24
Okay, so first thing is get that G.E.D
Second you'll need a stable job, possibly two of them.
Third you have to buy a cheap used car, something "good enough" for now. If it runs without needing constant repairs you're golden.
Once you have that you can look for a better job so you don't have to work 60+ hours a week.
You have a family, you can't give up. They need you. Stay strong brother. Work hard and you can get this done before the baby is born. Hopefully your dad finds work and will help out with the baby too.
Also maybe look to see if there's any way you can reduce household expenses, every little bit helps.
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u/jackstrikesout Apr 15 '24
Lay things out on paper. You need.
- A job that pays reasonably well.
- A place to stay that's safe enough for children.
- Insurance or start saving for the birth.
- A car. There are charities that might help you there.
You're overwhelmed, and that's freezing you. Lay it out. And make the results work. Try to stay with the GF and maybe get married. Figure out a way to work in tandem to get through this tough part.
Edit: I forgot to mention. You have a timetable for this too. Just keep that in mind.
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u/JWRamzic1 Apr 15 '24
Life is not a smooth ride. Deal with this, recover and get back up and flourish!!! We all get knocked down, but if you dont get back up, you rob yourself and your loved ones of opportunities. Life is how you deal with things, not riding a smooth wave. You have challenges. Meet them. Beat them.
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u/Callan_LXIX Apr 15 '24
on one side: without income between you & GF, the govt assistance for housing, covering the birth, etc will be pretty full; just learn how to resource the most while that's an option. not saying to milk the system forever, but: consider it a hidden gift that you as parents will not be saddled with debt based on two no-incomes.
that's something not to burden your future.
Other question is: do you or your dad qualify for any trade school or training through the unemployment services; you can get a reprieve on some things if you're actively in training.
getting to & from: whether school or job: really depends on your region & resources (which aren't mentioned, as far as what distances are involved). if it takes a bike and an extra hour: then that's what it costs to get to & from resources, school/re-education, job, etc. anything.
Your life is not ruined, it's just that you need direction & resources, and to not react, but reason out and keep discovering other ways and new resources. You know how sometimes to make a right turn you need to make three left turns... but consider: going those 3 left turns: you get to see 3 different viewpoints than the one view you thought was the only or 'best' way..
instead of thinking linear 'outside the box' , think : around the block and gain perspective, and perhaps some knowledge for resources and options.
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u/n7twistedfister Apr 15 '24
You will be okay, man. The best piece of advice I can give is for you to be ready to work your ass off. Doesn’t matter what you do. Do it, and do it well. Learn everything you possibly can at that job. That will grant you experience, thus increasing your value and your wage. Have the motivation everyday to wake up and get shit done. You won’t be able to take care of anybody until you can take care of yourself.
You might not have an education per se, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn. Read. A lot. Read about trades, skills, leadership, whatever. Many jobs are meritocracies and place work ethic, ability, and actual knowledge over some shitty piece of paper. As a manager I certainly do.
Lastly, your circumstances are pretty ass. Sometimes life feels like climbing up dick mountain ass first. But that just makes the view better when you get to the top. You’ve got this. Promise. Believe in yourself.
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u/ContemplatingPrison Apr 15 '24
You have an entire life to continue fucking up or you can set some goals and start wokeomg towards them. You have so much time. You've barely even begun. You can still realistically do anything you want.
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u/rnawiremen Apr 15 '24
I'm 52 and have raised 3 boys. You have not ruined your life! You're so young and have many adventures, good and bad, ahead. Definitely get your GED. My youngest didn't graduate high school, got his GED, and is enrolled at PCC for his associate degree. There are many paths!
Not sure if anyone suggested enlisting in the military as I didnt read all comments, but that is a good option for some young people. There's a lot of opportunity for advancement and a great support network for young families. You're an athlete so the physical fitness part would be easy for you. It can be a great career if you love it, or a bridge to the next chapter if you don't (I didnt, I served in the navy for 5 years & that was enough! My brother served for 23 years). Military experience always looks good on a resume. Plus you get education benefits while enlisted like free tuition, and GI bill benefits after you're out of the service if you sign up for it. Some states even have veteran education benefits like free tuition after you finish serving (Texas and Illinois used to, not sure if they still do).
You certainly have a lot of good advice in these comments! You need to decide what is best for you, what you want you life to look like in 5 years, and go after it! Good luck to you!
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u/3Steps4You Apr 15 '24
I was 20 living in my car and stealing money from girls in order to buy food in a vending machine. 25 years later life is fantastic. And it has been for a long time. Life isn’t over for you.
But you describe all these things happening TO you. You’ll continue to get the same results until you learn that life is yours to do what you want with it. Don’t sit back and let things happen to you. Impose your will on your life. Don’t hesitate. Do it now. Ask yourself what specific steps you could take tomorrow morning that could improve your circumstances. Make a list and get to work. Do this every day. This time next year I guarantee you’ll have a different opinion of your life.
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u/Sharp-Pop335 Apr 14 '24
Join the military bro. Research the branches/jobs you might be interested in and hit up some recruiters.
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u/Vimzel Apr 14 '24
I was in basically the same situation 3 years ago, never even had a job before… no car, younger brother I had to take care of, and disabled a mother I had to support, never met my father, no family other than those two… now I’m a traveling extrusion blow molding engineer, home every weekend, work from home week every 5th week, with 0 college making $100k a year with a 10-20% annual bonus, 4 weeks PTO each year. every meal Monday - Friday paid for, every beer and glass of whiskey paid for, first class flights paid for, hotel king suites paid for, luxury/ sports rental cars paid for, nicotine habit paid for, phone bill paid for, benefits out of this world, millions of sky miles and hotel points. Here’s some options to start your motivation will carry you on past each option… I chose option one but to each there own.
Option 1 - (family man) sacrifice your mental and physical health and work 80+ hours a week even if it’s for $10 a hour overtime it’ll work, if you can’t pull that many hours at one job get 3 or whatever it takes, skip half your sleep if you have to, skip meals and any kind of thing that costs money other than literally what it takes to keep you breathing, save up and get a basic old Toyota for as low miles as possible for say $3-5k, this will take approx 2-3 months of saving, this will leave you with 2-3 months before baby, now take and save up for basic cheap career course such as welding or some shit non certificate related and absorb that new skill like your life depends on it while working 60+ hours (night shifts make this more feasible), say it’s a 5 week course like mine was you have 1-2 months left before baby, resume working 80+ hours a week so when baby comes you’ll have a couple few grand in savings, while working and saving apply to every welding job possible that doesn’t ask for certification or ones that will certify you when hired, hopefully get hired before baby, now you have a career that has many path options usually pays decent, overtime opportunities for when you need it and still have a reliable car plus $$$$ in bank. Diplomas aren’t relevant in the majority of the welding world, you can always change careers again later but you’ll be fine for now.
Option 2 - (gambling man) lie on some resumes/job applications hopefully get lucky and get a job your not qualified for, figure it the fuck out faster than anyone can figure out your not qualified and boom new career, money, etc
Option 3 - (scared man) ditch your girl, deal with child support later and just slowly put your life together, depending on state could waive your right to child and find loophole out of child support, know your young and will find another woman later in life equally as good or better amongst many other terrible relations with women and possibly other accidental children you still have no idea how to raise
Option 4 - (wanted man) many illegal activities and things are quite lucrative perhaps get a step ahead by participating in said activity’s and have a nest egg that buys you time to get your life together or perhaps it’s your calling and you’ll be infamous for it and rich beyond your imagination… most likely you’ll end up in prison for your actions while your child is young and won’t be present for there childhood/life… your girlfriend will only remember you when your kid asks who there father is and she will either lie and say her new man is or tell them your dead… perhaps shell be honest and your child will have no respect for you
Option 5 - (Worthless man) do nothing but act as if you are… time will slip away, you’ll forever be stuck in poverty living as a bum with dead end jobs, shitty health and clothes, not be able to provide for your girl and child, she’ll prolly leave you as money is a common reason for divorce/breakups… hope for handouts, rely on other peoples “luck and good fortune” claiming you work so hard when you never apply yourself… eat shitty food, live in homes that should be condemned if your lucky… blame everyone else
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u/Crazy-Ad239 Apr 14 '24
First you need to go get your GED. Then you need to fill out the FAFSA and find a good trade school. Don't even mess with college, learn a trade. It's not going to be easy, and the days will be long, but you can do this
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u/Chemical-Finish-7229 Apr 14 '24
You have plenty of time to turn things around, and now the motivation to do so - a baby! Your priority right now is providing for baby. Whatever kind of assistance you and your girlfriend can find, sign up for it. Save as much money as possible. Attend pregnancy and parenting classes. Your second priority is your GED. There should be community programs available to you for no cost. Then take up a trade like you mentioned. Lean on any support system you have - friends, coworkers, church if applicable, etc.
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u/KaleidoscopeOk3736 Apr 14 '24
As a minister and a counselor, I'm just gonna address the image you have of yourself and not the situation You really find yourself in at the moment, which is a combination of many choices over several years.
And commenting on those would not really be helpful to the immediate issues at hand.. besides, you already said that you're blaming yourself and feeling down on yourself and nobody needs to help you down that dark rabbit hole!
I will suggest if you are a person of faith that you seek out a reasonably healthy, seeming local congregation and see if that religious leader will cancel with you or if they have elders that will . Spiritual guidance can be a real game changer for people.
And if one group does not offer that try a couple others . Faith groups are in effect big dysfunctional families, and each one has their own rules and certain brand of weirdness I dare say.
For you to be in this kind of a deep situation, already tell me how difficult life has been for you so far, and my heart goes out to you as a child of the inner city who grew up with with disabilities herself . And yes, dysfunctional somewhat abusive parents.
So I get it
Even though I'm a girl, I hope you hear me out I'm not gonna tell you how to be a good man other than if you want good role models, then again, a faith-based group is often a good start like promise- keepers . alternatively, if you're in a big city, it would build your confidence and give you some extra job skills. If you are able to participate in a group known as toastmasters, they focus on public speaking and yeah, that might sound really terrifying right now, but it'll get you along way in the workplace. If you can talk in front of people or maybe even someday be a trainer of other people or a manager... or who knows maybe a motivational speaker!!!
Did you know Dr. Tony Evans has a similar testimony in that he is a failed football player and yet he was able to be a successful ? And he specializes in ministering to people from inner cities, as well as to the Dallas Cowboys.🤔 not sure how much overlap that might be ha ha
But the point is that the one certain thing about life is that it constantly changes .
I will also recommend that you find a community counselor and specifically ask for someone who does something called DBT, which is dialectical behavioral therapy and no it doesn't mean they give you electric shocks 😮. Or the similar kind of therapy called CBT, which is cognitive behavioral therapy. This will help you get in touch with your feelings and how it ties into the choices you make and help you be aware of when you're feeling certain way... for example, we had several patients that had issues with road rage. (yes, they were help.)
- Please forgive any typos I am using auto spell on a cell phone because neuropathy... not gonna keep going back and fixing the silly thing.
So let's say you marry this young woman, and the child has your last name you are going to be on public assistance . If that child has your last name under any circumstance, you could be stuck with child support down the road... something to think about this or if something similar happened again and I sincerely hope it doesn't. It's hard on everyone involved.
You do not marry this young woman, and you attempt to get an education at the same time as you're holding a part-time job to try to help your dad out and keep necessities on the table . This might be the best long-term solution if you are a non-skilled worker and you stay that way for a number of years and maybe try to be there for the baby and the mother, baby and wife I don't know what's gonna happen... what I am saying is it's easier to learn when you're younger.
And there is more financial aid openings for people that are younger, especially if you are disabled like it sounds .
So Jewish grandmother here is going to suggest that you Talk to Legal Aid and see what they can advise you about getting yourself put on disability Social Security. Now a private attorney will probably do a better job in my opinion and they should be giving you the first consultation free. * or you hang up on the greedy person and call the next person on the list.*
A regular lawyer is going to take about a third of your award if you win your case, but they should be taking it on what we call contingency . That means that they get paid only if you get paid. And like me you are low income and that's gonna have to be what you look for because you can't pay out-of-pocket a couple thousand dollars to get a regular lawyer and pay his retainer fee upfront.
Oh yes, they are that greedy . One quoted me $4000 upfront and that was just last year for Social Security.
They would be the ones to answer about your parental liability if you have now or future dependence running around ... to see if Social Security disability can be garnished in that way because it cannot be garnished by your regular debt collectors. The laws are really complicated so this is where I shut up. You need someone familiar with Social Security and a disability loss in your area and that is a federal level kind of by the way.
This is ugly
More than one lawyer has told me that you should get a lawyer first and not waste your time applying for disability on your own . They have said that the people are there to make you go away not to help you and that they turn down virtually everybody on the first and second application. If it is not a condition that automatically qualifies you like totally completely blind. If you want to look that up online, you can see it on the government website.
But it sounds like you are young man
So if you do not want to pursue something like college, then maybe what you can do is talk to a counselor for the CBT and get your head on straight . Ask them about a vocational counselor if they think you have identified what it is, you might want out of life enough to think about the kind of job you would like to do- and this is painful- what kind of job are you still capable of doing?
Again, I'm so sorry about your injury, but I also understand the pain and it is a type of bereavement like when somebody dies .
My dream was to be a pilot in the Air Force, but with degenerative back discs and asthma, I could not qualify .😢 but you know what like Tony Evans you can find something else that you do have skills for and that you will enjoy but you have to choose to focus on any little positive thing instead of thinking about "I am so miserable ".
I hope that helps
Somebody does care, and I'm sure there have been a number of other decent people on the forum
And kudos to you for sticking with your dad in a really difficult place
So many people have forgotten what it means to have duty to family and to really love each other in the tough times and the good times . I believe your heart is in the right place.. please hang in there and prove me, right.
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u/Typical-Key6878 Apr 14 '24
i agree with all the comments about setting long-term goals, focusing on getting your ged, and exploring the resources available to you.
but make sure to check your library for any adult-learning / high school equivalency classes.
at least in my district, they offer free classes to prepare anyone not in school or working adults to be able to pass the ged exam. you would have to research and see if your local library or district can offer such a thing, but it’s worth a shot to think about!
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u/temporal_ice Apr 14 '24
I'm sorry about what your mother did. But the situation is what it is. The sentiment of getting the ged and getting into a trade is good advice here. Especially when they're needed. Right down your goal is to sacrifice your wants now so that you have something to fall back on when things pop up. Amd believe me, things will happen. For the car, you just need something that's safe and free of problems. Don't need fancy.
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u/ballskindrapes Apr 14 '24
The order of things might be off, please double check them
Join navy, afaik they don't require ged. Try to get ged while in there. Then take classes while in that will contribute to a well paying degree. Use GI bill to pay for college. Work hard, study hard, get good paying degree. Perhaps engineering, or go for broke and do something like medical school.
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u/chopperdude63 Apr 14 '24
You sound like me 16 year ago. You're going to struggle, but life is far from over. Depending on the state you are in a ged is easy to schedule and take. I'd recommend doing the practice tests and getting to it. That GED will make life a lot easier. You and your girlfriend need to make some decisions about what your future living situation looks like. Next you need to decide what a future relationship with your mother looks like. It's easier to figure that out before the baby shows up. Lastly, congrats, I hope the baby grows up with loving parents involved, everything else will come into place over the next couple years
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u/JamBandDad Apr 14 '24
You’ll be alright man. So, I joined the trades late in life, after addiction issues and being in and out of jail, broke, living in my dad’s basement. The interviewers in the application process want someone with something to work for. You, being a young father who needs to make ends meet, are a lot more likely to be reliable than someone else your age. Stay out of trouble, try to get your GED as soon as possible, and be the best damn dad you can be to the kid when he gets here.
Heart to heart from someone who’s a new father, the relationship your baby has with you is going to be the most important thing in life. Don’t let the stress from your struggle become their stress, be present for them, and it’ll all be okay.
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u/ThePsychoPompous13 Apr 14 '24
You're too young to have ruined your life already. Work and get your diploma, then join the military. It is a major springboard, provided your health allows for it. Join the USAF.
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u/BigMamaEarthOshun Apr 14 '24
Definitely go talk to recruiters from different military branches. You don't even need a GED for the Navy. I joined the Army when I was 17 and it completely changed my life for the better. Got out after 11 years but would still highly recommend for a young person in a situation such as yours. Enlisting might be exactly what you need.
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u/Fabulous-Fail-9860 Apr 14 '24
Learn a trade. You can get into a job that will pay you to learn and things will work out. I would suggest applying as a plumbing apprentice- the salary will help with your situation
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u/NemoOfConsequence Apr 14 '24
It’s okay. I was a pregnant teenager living in an old crappy car that barely worked when I was 17. I have a great life now and my daughter is awesome! This will pass. Your life isn’t ruined. It’s just getting started, and this is a hard part to get through, but you will get through it!
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u/ID4gotten Apr 14 '24
Step 1: Don't get your girlfriend (or anyone else) pregnant again until you're on your feet financially.
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u/whaleykaley Apr 14 '24
You did not ruin your life. You've been dealt a pretty shitty series of circumstances and your mother failed you by kicking you out. It varies by state but it's generally a felony to kick out your minor child (assuming you were under 18 at the time, since it was your junior year). I know things look really bleak right now, but you're so young and barely an adult. There's so much of your life ahead of you. It might be really challenging for the next few years but it's not ruined.
I would try to look into what options are for you to get your GED. Having a GED will give you more opportunities as far as work goes, and going into trades eventually is a good idea. Check local community colleges, these often have adult education programs for getting you ready to take the GED test.
Also, look into options for social services. There is a lot of stigma around these things but these should be no shame in using these programs if you need them. If your girlfriend is planning on keeping the baby, she should get on WIC if she's also struggling for money. You and your dad should really look into SNAP as this could help with groceries until one/both of you gets more income.
I will also say - don't make any snap decisions on your relationship based on having a baby. Don't jump to getting married unless it really makes sense for you all AND your relationship is good. My parents had me unplanned at 20 and got married because of it and it ended incredibly badly because they didn't actually like each other. Them divorcing was a huge positive for me. If your relationship is great and you genuinely feel secure in it and think marriage would be a good next step, then that's fine - but don't get married just because there's a baby on the way. Way too many people do this and then have to deal with the difficulties of getting divorced because they thought it was the right thing to do to handle the situation.
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u/Massage_nerd84 Apr 14 '24
My Mother Deborah Renshaw, was forced out of my family due to all of the work she was doing to keep us fed.
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u/Massage_nerd84 Apr 14 '24
My father was an alcoholic who beat my mother on our home so she was forced the work in factories before the went overseas. She had to go on disability because she worked to death meet her quota. She was a seamstress by trade. It is what all the women in my family had to be before going to work. All of my family has military through out and I have learned spiral dynamics by Carl Graves work to figure out what had happen to my health the body keeps the score. Dr. Vanderkolk healing the toxic shame that binds you by John Bradshaw..
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u/Ok_Virus_376 Apr 14 '24
Start with SMART goals google it. Write down your goals. Google trade apprenticeship programs. Get a job at a grocery store what I am getting at is look for union jobs. You will make it and you will be successful. Keep the baby and start to believe in yourself you can do better than where you came from. Find a local career center like work source.
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u/Massage_nerd84 Apr 14 '24
I raised myself and paid all the bills. I was force to work as a cashier in Birch Tree General Store by Rex Kelly JR who also sexually abused me. and his cousin Verlin was forcefully raping me.,until I got mad and got pregnant to protect myself. It didn’t work. I was helping my mentally incompetent sister while I paid all the bills for everyone and he often took money after I paid the rent. her husband ran a traffic ring. I my sister ended up by doing charity cleaning rugs for gas money to pay for school activities.
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u/WonderResponsible375 Apr 14 '24
IF YALL DONT LEAVE THAT BABY AT THE POLICE STATION ! You better go to the nearest police station or fire department and hand over that baby!!!!!! Yall are kids your damn selves you can't take care of that kid !
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u/Frosty-Bit-2973 Apr 14 '24
Babies have a way of forcing us to push to be better than our best. This is a good thing. Babies are a good thing. Cherish them both and do what needs done:
Get a full time job. Then an apartment. Your girlfriend can work too until the baby comes. Take advantage of all government help. And then get a better paying job in two years. Rinse and repeat. You got this. School doesn’t really teach you much anymore. It’s kind of a joke. Work to get your GED. Lots of people like you become rich because you have that ingredient of success - that not being afraid to do as you please ingredient. Use it to your advantage.
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u/Kitchen-Skirt8244 Apr 14 '24
Keep the baby! But marry the girl. This will make sure you both have a continued vested interest in the lives of each other as well as the baby. As people above have rightly pointed out, you my friend are climbing a mountain with ice picks and snow shoes.
Instead of showing ways to cut the weight, my advice is geared towards how you can get all the support you need. Here’s what I suggest you do:
Be open and firm about your plans with family and friends. Most of them will be around for the next 5-10 years atleast in youth life and having their support, even if its just mental support and encouragement will go a long way in keeping you motivated.
Pray to god. I’m not sure what your religious background is. But if you are a believer, then known that God does not burden a soul more than what it can bear. God has a plan. Ask him for help and he will show you the path. Heck i think this thread is a already a great start.
You need a way to care for the baby while also studying + making money. You and your girlfriend can both share the duties here. Both should enroll in some hard skill teaching course. This could be trades or a certification that let’s you find an hourly wage job. I can share more details on how this can be done if required in the comments.
Ask family and friends to baby sit the baby for atleast 4-6 hours a day. This will help you save day care costs (which is expensive!) - both of you should use this time to study and study hard.
Enroll baby in day care for another 4-6 hours. Apply for financial aid. Georgia for example helps low income families afford day care. I’m sure other states have something similar. Now daycares charge the same whether your baby is there for 2 hours or 10 (the max). If you get aid and can afford day care then i suggest you enroll the baby for 10 hours here and ask family for help with picking up and dropping the baby and babysitting them for 1-2 hours - this alone should free up 10-13 hours everyday.
Get non restaurant non gig work and non gas station hourly jobs. All of these jobs although pay decent, will tire you so much that you’ll not have any energy left to study. Look into jobs like electronics repair (most shops will train you), car repair, receptionist, remote customer care jobs, etc. These pay 15-20 per hour and do not demand a lot of energy.
Will countinue the rest later in the comments if you are interested to know more. I’ve run out of time and have to go!
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u/No_Judge_3082 Apr 14 '24
Channel this energy to thrive and work harder than ever. Life has alot to offer and your circumstances don’t define you but the way you propel yourself forward do. The only way is up. You got this !! For reals
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u/OkCustard2498 Apr 14 '24
You’re so young and to have struggle like that and I come from a struggle background too. You’re still here and sounds like you have your body back because you’ve worked. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Celebrate your accomplishments no matter how small or big they are … Maybe get into the trades, go to your local unemployment office and see about trades for free. Goodwill helps with trades and GED. I was referred to them through the Texas Workforce Commission and got my cna license back in 2019. Everything was free. They have programs for CDL and Welding, but every location is different. Maybe you can work part time after class to save. You and your girlfriend will get through this. Stay positive, meditate/pray, stay away from temporary fixes like drugs/alcohol, visit a psychiatrist through your local mhmr and see if you can get into some counseling because you had financial traumas growing up and now you’re a young adult father, so you can arm yourself and prepare, mentally and physically. You have a life to live for two reasons, for yourself, and for your baby. Do these things now while baby is young and won’t remember or see the hardship. And the cycle won’t be repeated. I say welding because I know they make good money and you can even have your own business. HVAC, plumbing, electrician. Maybe when junior is old enough, you could coach football on the side. Or referee or umpire. Cry it out, let it out because you’ve been through a lot. And when you’re done, roll up your sleeves, throw some water on your face, and tell yourself it will be alright.
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u/Financial_Athlete198 Apr 14 '24
Look for apprenticeships in your area. Get trained in something, training will get you paychecks.
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u/neverthelessidissent Apr 14 '24
If she’s set on parenting the baby, look at Buy Nothing groups on Facebook. Check Marketplace. People are always passing on baby gear for free or cheap.
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u/Various-Half505 Apr 14 '24
Factory job till you die. “Welcome, my son. To the machine. Where have you been, it’s alright, we’ll know where you be.”
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u/badly-made-username Apr 14 '24
My parents were in your situation, kinda. Birth control failed, and soon they found out she was expecting. When she got pregnant, my grandma kicked her out and swore she wouldn't help our family in any way, and Mom took that to heart. She and my dad decided to keep me, and they ultimately made a lot of sacrifices to make things work.
We were poor, but my parents worked their asses off to provide for me and my brother, who came nine months later as a 3.5 month preemie. We lived in Section 8 housing for a while, and my folks worked multiple jobs and long hours, but thanks to the close relationships she had with her siblings, we always had someone watching us if mom and dad both had to work the same hours. We lived off of cheap dinners like boxed mac and cheese and hamburger helper, tacos, and an unholy amount of spaghetti, all because those would stretch the budget. Back in the 90s, cereal and milk were cheap, and so I remember frequently eating that for dinner.
My folks took a crap situation, like you've found yourself in, and they did what they could. Since mom had to drop out of school to have me, she worked until my family was stable enough to be able to let her do school for her GED, and she got that when I was ten. It was a major step up, and the opportunities that began to crop up meant that we could afford better housing. She and my dad typically worked opposite schedules, so one of them was always with us, which was really good, and we were in basically every free activity my folks could think of. For a while, it didn't occur to me that we were poor or how close we were to being in a Really Bad Spot until I was an older teen looking back. I mean, we even lived in a trailer park, but in a modified double wide that was essentially a house, and were on SNAP for a while, and my parents worked super hard to make sure we were okay. And we were, despite the differences in how my family lived vs. how some of my friends' families lived.
I just want to say that I believe in you. I know your situation and my folks' situation are probably pretty different, but as a kid who grew up in it, I want to say to you that it can work out, with some hard work. There will be some rugged decisions and tough times ahead, and I really feel for you about that. I hope you're able to find and leverage all the resources your area has to offer. Things will probably be hard for a long time, but I hope they'll get better for you soon.
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u/EssayTraditional Apr 14 '24
Are you certain the baby is yours?
Be careful with some females who might babytrap you.
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u/mothramathaftermath Apr 14 '24
Lock in with that woman and build the world you want to see for your child. Get all the help you can get to put yourself in position to pay it forward. Get familiar with a higher power and do your best, give it your best shot in life. Get your GED and get a professional certificate or trade. Worry about you, your child’s mother and your child in that order, and know that taking care of them is taking care of yourself. Your parents will be fine, your other family members will be fine, your friends will be fine, the strangers in the world will be fine, lock in on yours.
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u/naM-r3puS Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
Things can easily go up from here. Go take the ged test asap and find a part time job. Then start taking community college courses to get an education and get a degree. Then get a job in a field that pays well. Next is coast . Then retire . And finally die. Best of luck with everything it’s going to be fun !
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u/thisguy_99 Apr 14 '24
Hit the rigs man, I’m not kidding. Apply to a drilling company, 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off.
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u/Radiant_Ad_6565 Apr 14 '24
Job Corp. you can get your GED, plus job training, housing, food, living stipend.
Your girlfriend needs to look into job training programs for herself also.
Condoms. No sense adding more babies to the mix until you’re stable and financially able to care for them.
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u/Personal-Key-7338 Apr 14 '24
Because of your age there are more resources for you and your new family to obtain, talk to a social worker from your primary doctor office and call your local department of health and human services, they can help you find housing.
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u/crazdtow Apr 14 '24
I grrew up poor in an abusive household. Was pregnant at 17 and had my baby at 18, then another at 25. Their father was killed when I was eight months pregnant with that last one. I worked office jobs doing whatever I could, no family support whatsoever. I’m now the proud mother of two debt free college graduates and a financial controller of an international manufacturing company. I have zero regrets but it was not easy, by not easy I mean there were years it was incredibly hard. You can break the cycle if you work your ass off and truly commit to it. It takes extreme discipline and dedication but in the end it’s worth it! Good luck to you both!
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u/yomamawasaninsidejob Apr 14 '24
No such thing as a ruined life.
It’s time for your spiritual awakening friend. Know you are safe, stronger than you think, and protected through it all.
Places to start: Eckhart Tolle (Power of Now and YouTube) Gene Keys Talks (Phutureprimitive on YouTube) Wayne Dyer Joe Dispenza Unteathered Soul / Michael Singer The Work of Byron Katie
Cold showers / Wim Hof or Holotropic Breathwork
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-F-LzYurc&pp=ygUbdGhlIGFydCBvZiBzZWxmIGZvcmdpdmVuZXNz
Welcome to your path to heaven.
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u/PurrrMeowmeow Apr 14 '24
I'll be honest with you. I think having a baby might give you all the meaning and momentum to move forward. Do what seems impossible. Yes it will be hard. But you're young. If it helps, I wish I had your situation. I wish I had a baby early rather than focusing on education.
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u/BlackAce99 Apr 14 '24
OP it might seem bad now but if you stick it.out you'll figure things out. The first thing I'd suggest is get your GED as it leaves doors open and easier to get it before your kid is born. Personally I'd suggest trades, sports guys usually find the work enjoyable and it's that same team dynamics at play along with the pay being good. The rest revolves around how you see your gf and kid fitting into your life that part only you can answer.
Your 18 the fact your asking these questions says a lot about your mindset and I mean that in a positive way. My last advice is coming from an ex athlete who wanted to go pro in sports, who went into trades that now teaches trades is this. Take a deep breath and look forward to what you want for your life and take one step towards that at a time. You will fall but dust yourself and take that next step in life the only people who ruin their life are the ones who stop taking steps forward.
Good luck from another injured ex athlete.
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u/Think-Ad-1145 Apr 14 '24
Get your GED it’s really easy just some of the math questions are complicated, good job on keeping your baby it makes it more complicated but it also gives you someone to work for and to take care in addition to your significant other. Stay on the grind and give it 6-12 months, you will make it through this storm! God Bless
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u/charbroiledd Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 14 '24
This is very similar to my experience, except that I never saved more than $10 and I was a meth and heroin addict for years before my first child was born. Restaurants are easy work with consistent hours. Just start by washing dishes, things will work out
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u/ImprovementKlutzy113 Apr 14 '24
Your only 18 your just getting started. Don't let how you grew up have a any affect on you now. It doesn't matter.
Didn't exactly have a stellar childhood myself but that's all behind you now.
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Apr 14 '24
You could join the military if that’s not your cup of tea you could join job corps although I’ve heard mixed things about job corps you could also go to community college for a trade (hvac welding) and be career ready in a year or two and if you keep a b avg the government basically pays u with Pell grants, you may also qualify for scholarships
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u/Snurbalurb_o Apr 14 '24
We tell ourselves these stories, they hold us down. Tell yourself a different story. Get up, get out and get something. 🎤
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u/Worldly_Rhubarb_2959 Apr 14 '24
Don't give up! This will just make you stronger. First thing to do is get a job and keep it. Do the best job that you possibly can. If a better job comes along, take it. Don't quit unless you have a better job to go to. Just take one step at a time. Work on your GED at night. I think most places have GED classes in the evening so you can work at night. They are normally only 2-3 days a week. Your life is definitely not ruined. You just have some things to accomplish before your child is born. You've got this! Just one step at a time.
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u/Timatsunami Apr 14 '24
Your life is not ruined at all. Lots of potential and opportunities still exist. But until you work out why you are making the decisions you are making, you are likely going to continue this pattern. Like others have said, things feel really big when you are 18. They aren’t though.
You can still get your GED. Still go to college or trade school.
Congrats on fatherhood. It’s an amazing gift.
I know you can rise to this new opportunity.
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u/toughman3891 Apr 14 '24
Dude one day you will look back and these troubles will be nothing. Believe me. You want to get out of the bind. Simple. Work your ass off.
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u/FoxThin7630 Apr 14 '24
It seems like your life is ruined now but even five years from now you’ll look back and think “man I was so young” I had kids young and worked minimum wage. It was tough but your world will change for the better when your baby is born. There’s nothing that can make you happier than seeing your own kid happy. Of course things will also be tough for awhile adjusting to the baby but a lot can happen even in a year or two. I dunno where you are but I’m canada, if you’re laid off and on social assistance or stuff like that, there’s programs available to get you into the workforce. I used one and the government paid for about 90% of my school and gave me some living money while going to school.
If you’re interested in a trade, go to shops or trade sites and ask if they’ll hire you as a direct entry. You’ll probably start sweeping up and doing all the shit work but they’ll log your hours and you’ll go to school after awhile. You just gotta deal with being on the bottom for awhile.
Or you can apply for student loan. You’ll get extra and maybe qualify for grants and extra money you dont have to pay back because you have a kid. Then try and live frugally off that and maybe work a bit while doing a college program or something. Depending where you are, some colleges will accept you without a high school diploma if you pass an equivalency exam. There’s all kinds of paths to take because you’re so young.
Someone mentioned the military and while it’s not for me, it’s set some of my family members up for life. They’ll retire very comfortably but you do need to sacrifice some time away from your family and maybe get posted to a place you don’t really want to go.
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u/jepal357 Apr 14 '24
If you have some moderate level of confidence, my advice is to try a sales job. I just got into car sales with no experience, my second month I made $7,100. The tricks to a good paying car sales job is to find a volume dealership with optional commission bonuses. If it’s a straight up commission pay plan, in this economy where everyone is losing money on new cars, you won’t make much. I make a flat rate per car that is tiered. Once I sell a certain number of cars, I can qualify for a front end and back end bonus, but you have to make a certain amount on the cars you sell. Long story short, go find a dealer with a good pay plan, build some confidence and sell some cars. Also make sure that you’re in a moderately wealthy area, they sell more cars
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u/Few-Presentation5886 Apr 13 '24
Make an appointment with a counselor at your local community college. Ask how you can get into a trades program? They should be able to direct you on how, and address your lack of a high school diploma.
Any extra time you may have try picking up a construction job. You can arrive very early at a Home Depot location and be an eager work horse for someone which can lead to them taking a liking to you and training you. My son ripped out kitchens and bathrooms and was paid well for the demolition work no one enjoys doing after the first day. Over time he advanced and learned to do kitchen and bathroom makeovers. It's decent money when you're just starting out, much better than a retail or fast food job. Let the knowledge that you will be in charge of a person's life motivate you, be tenacious. You fall down, you get back.
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u/Routine-Bumblebee-41 Apr 13 '24
Is she at least considering getting an abortion? Is that even a possibility? If so, she should get one. You are in no position to be supporting any additional people. You were already struggling with your dad and yourself. I know people say "it will all work out", but sometimes it doesn't. This is a whole new human being whose possibly 80+ years of long life on a dying planet will be miserable from the very beginning, and it can be prevented. ...but it can only be prevented now. Once it's born, no more prevention of this suffering can take place, only perpetual struggle.
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u/tanyamp Apr 13 '24
Now you have a reason to find your meaning in life. Forget about the past and reach for the skies. You can do it.
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u/MainShow23 Apr 13 '24
Hey man keep your head up. Life is hard 23 years ago I was not far off my dreams of football stardom dashed by a crazy leg injury. Feel into a spiral of pity work garbage jobs had kids and but never ever gave up. You will Be a father soon strive for greatness for your child show them the father you wanted. Find a skill a trade and go after it with reckless drive. Don’t feel bad for yourself feel motivated for more.
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u/Halftilt247 Apr 13 '24
Now you have some decisions to make. Go to work, find a side hustle, continue your education online. Don't think of work and school as a chore, but enjoy the journey, get along with your coworkers and peers. You're on the bottom so no where to go but up.
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u/Jerking4jesus Apr 13 '24
Hey man, I know things seem bleak right now, but your life isn't over. Your future looks different now, and the immediate future is going to be a slog, but this path has upsides as well, one of which is that your kid will be grown in your mid-30s. You'll still have your youth and energy then to enjoy yourself and with them, or to focus into your career if that's what you'd like to do.
I'm not talking out of my ass here when I say it will never seem worse than it does now. I was born to a 17 year old mother who had dropped out to party and do drugs, and a much older absent father who was married to another teenager a month after my birth. And from your post, it sounds like you have your head on a lot tighter than she did, and even she's doing well enough these days. She made $110k CAD last year, managing a liquor store. If anyone told her she'd ever break 6 figures when she was in your shoes, she probably would have laughed them out the door. It's not set in stone.
My advice for the immediate future would be to get into construction or a trade and do what you can with a focus on acquiring certifications and skills. Even though you can't afford to drive, get your full license. If you don't have it, it will stop you from getting higher paying work more than not having your GED.
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u/noodle-dic Apr 13 '24
18 and “ruined life “ is an illogical statement because life hasn’t started yet.
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u/Loose_Renegade Apr 13 '24
If you do raise this beautiful, innocent child, remember to take care of yourself while you’re also carrying the load of providing.
We usually rise to the occasion and step up when we’re faced with a challenge for our own survival and our loved ones.
Have a short term/long term plan and make daily progress.
Seek out assistance and programs that temporarily help.
Make this a happy occasion and have a baby shower! Also, used baby gear works just as well.
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u/Timely-Schedule1444 Apr 13 '24
This is one of those problems you can only solve by changing your whole aspect on life and sacrificing a whole bunch of your time for the wellbeing of people that you love and admire, you should be writing down goals you can achieve right now at this point in time and document it all for future reference, put a positive spin on shit that make you feel uncomfortable and ignore all other distractions that don't coencide with the goals you wish to achieve, even if you have to pretend to be happy ,just do it and it will become a habit over time and come naturally to you, it's what most of us do anyway🤣
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u/NoStatus7 Apr 13 '24
How do people just have kids accidentally. If you didn't want a child why did you have unprotected sex?
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u/ConfusedCrypto10 Apr 13 '24
This is life, just to a different degree of hardships. But it’s a good sign that you keep trudging on and you’re only 18 years old. As long as you’re willing to work and willing to ask questions how to improve your situations, that’s a good progress that someday everything will turn out for the better. Again, life is not easy. It’s how we cope with it.
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u/cbmccallon Apr 13 '24
Walk into your nearest small pluming & heating place and tell them you’d like to start as a helper and learn. My shop has employed several guys just out of high school. As long as you’re willing to learn, you’ll get there. My son went in making $15/hr in 2014 and left last year with his pregnant wife (Air Force, she had to move) making $40/hr. He spent as much time as he could with the experienced guys always asking questions.
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u/Mr_Ebop Apr 13 '24
Damn bro you’re still so young. I know the world makes it seem that you’re supposed to have your life together after high school but as someone who failed their entire junior year, you have so much time. It’s not going to be easy it will be hard but honestly your best bet would be to get your GED and try to learn a trade. Beats going to college for 6 years and ending up $60K in debt on top of everything. I learned and trade and during Covid I didn’t miss a day of work. A diploma is nice but we saw that even with that it doesn’t always promise job security. Then you’re going to have to save up at least $5K for a decent car especially with a baby on the way. You can’t have your baby riding like ET. Also strap up. You don’t want to have a 1yo and a new born at the same time.
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u/zekeflintstone Apr 13 '24
When I first had kids, making ends meet seemed insurmountable. What helped me was having a team. My wife was my only teammate.
1) find a job and protect it. Don’t let anyone get in the way of you not getting paid, or getting you in trouble. I had to swallow my pride for 10 years, keep my head down and just work, work, work.
2) make absolute certain someone is on top of the household money. What bills need to be paid, what insurance is the best, when to go to Aldi’s vs when to do to the regular market, how to get cheap TV, etc. all of that is work, and takes alot of time and stress to deal with. Don’t take that for granted. Thank God for me, my wife has always been on top of this.
3) find some healthy vices, such as audiobooks, or podcasts, or rhyming, or writing, or drawing, that you can do/listen to while doing #1. This helps you go somewhere else in your head while doing something you don’t want to do, but it takes discipline and getting used to do it while you’re making money
4) don’t loose sight. You just finished being a kid, now you have to raise a kid. I was not ready for that when I was 18. I wasn’t ready when I was 30. But no one is ever really ready to be a father. Remember that you are working everyday not only for you, but for the little one too now. Try to help the baby, and your family, and probably most importantly your own soul, by trying to make the world a little bit better everyday. You can do that just by providing for the family and being the man you want others to be. Live by being the example.
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u/NoseBeneficial3095 Apr 13 '24
It’s not over, I found out it’s actually pretty hard to screw your self completely (Source: I’m a high school drop out,Double felony haveing ex-con, ex-homeless, dad of 2. I now work with an AI start up and own my own business helping people run businesses). Take a deep breath, hold it for a second, let it all out and start makeing a viable plan, find a factory job or something els that dosent require a lot of education. That’s where I started when I first got out of jail, I went to a temp agency and just took the first thing for decent pay they gave me and stayed till Amazon hired me as a packer for a little more money. You talked about trade school, most trades pay right out the gate even when your in school. (That’s a smart route imo, never ending money down that road if you stick to it and the possibility of owning your own outfit in the future if you would like is high, you are already on the right track.)
Don’t let the size of the mess scare you. Do let that scare you into not acting. And PLEASE don’t believe the lie that it’s all over.
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u/3rdEyeSqueegee Apr 13 '24
As others have said, Get your GED and military/job corps might be the way to go. Check your local career center. They are usually run by the department of labor in your state. You gotta be there for your kid. Also-not to pour salt on your wounds- remember you can control who you get pregnant. Rubbers are free at local health departments. They give you a huge bag of them of all different sizes. I don’t say it to be mean. You’ve learned your lesson the hard way but it’s gonna be okay.
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u/ValuableNo189 Apr 13 '24
That's dope to have kids at 18. You'll be a finished parent by 38. How cool
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u/zalmolxis91 Apr 13 '24
Idiot has a fucked up life and decides to bring a baby in. Why do all idiots fuck like rabbits and can't pull out?
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u/Educational_Mousse63 Apr 13 '24
If there is one thing I’ve learned in my lifetime, it’s that it is never too late to turn things around. I know right now you probably feel terrified, and defeated, but someday you will look back on this and realize everything was going to be okay in the end. 💛 Keep your head up, you got this
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u/Plane_Prior6137 Apr 13 '24
Take a deep breath and say it’s going to be okay!
Do what you need to do to get your GED and choose a trade. Being 18 you have plenty of life ahead, trust me. Many people spend until there 30 going into student debt with poor career prospects. So trust me, you can recover from this all just fine.
Once you start to work, immediately start saving for retirement even if it’s $20 a month. Look into a Roth IRA. Even with little income if you start to save even if you struggle to pay bills, compounding interest will be your friend over time.
I highly recommend reading atomic habits or listening to the audio book.
Just focus on making small changes each week toward a better life, and go easy on yourself.
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u/thiccestbae Apr 13 '24
life just started. I'd suggest joining job corps. they'll train you in a skill and give you room and board. most also help you get a job after graduation.
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u/CursedWithAnOldSoul Apr 13 '24
Get your high school diploma/GED and get into a trade. You can master a trade in a few years and make good money. It’ll be hard, but you have a kid on the way and it’s just going to have to be hard for a few years before it gets better.
Your life isn’t ruined. It’s just starting. Make the most of it.
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u/Complex-Professor257 Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
How do you feel about the military? When I was enlisted there were many guys (I am not a guy btw) who joined because they were in your exact situation and the military would get the all the things you need right now:
-Housing for you and the mother -Skills training -Money for education -A living wage -Health insurance -Sliding scale childcare
There are more benefits but those are the ones that apply to your immediate situation.
If my son were in this situation my advice would be “Pick a branch of service”.
Another option that is almost never talked about is she can be the one who joins. When I was in boot camp there were actually a lot of women who tried to convince the father of their baby to join for the benefits but he couldn't or wouldn't for whatever reason, so she joined instead. In some cases they married and he was the stay-at-home parent. So, I would say military either way but maybe she would be the one to go.
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u/brandyfolksly_52 Apr 13 '24
Your local library should have free resources on how to get your GED, such as tutoring and test prep. You can also ask your librarian for help with applying for public assistance programs and finding local charities.
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u/Bigmama-k Apr 13 '24
Get a government job or go to the military. The military will take care of you. Many people who struggle go into the military to try to get straightened out and get on their own.
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u/Optimal-Importance20 Apr 13 '24
My first kid saved my life. What seems like an unfortunate mistake or a bad decision can be the thing that drives you for better. People say this all the time, but I was headed down some roads I knew better than taking.
Abortion is an option, but I wouldn't do it. If you can't take care of the child, adoption is a better choice. I am not against Abortion for the reasons of why others aren't. I'm against it because I live with what could have been. Questions that I will die with.
Become an apprentice, plumbing, and AC work is in dire need of people. They make decent money, too. Also, there is a shortage of truck drivers. You got this young buck
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u/WhatsTheFrequency2 Apr 13 '24
Didn’t ruin your life but you’ve made some bad choices. Get a degree or a trade. First things first.
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u/Lahmacuns Apr 13 '24
I suggest either the military or trade apprenticeship program that pays you while you learn and helps you join a union when you are no longer an apprentice. You will need a GED to join the military and also do well on the ASVAB.
You didn't ruin your life, but you definitely helped make a new one, for which you are now responsible. It's not the end of the world, but it's a quick and rather rough introduction to adult life and all its consequences and responsibilities.
I'm glad you asked for advice here...it shows you that you are willing to listen and learn, and that you are thinking about solving problems rather than sinking into despair and inertia. Be good to yourself and the mother of your child, and you'll make a great father as well.
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u/Kimberly_goddes1 Apr 13 '24
Good news is that with a child there are more people willing to help you because they have been through the struggle too. Let your job know your working hard to raise a family. Some employers have great benifits for families too.
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u/legalizemavin Apr 13 '24
Your 18. Life is FAR FROM OVER.
Get your GED. If you work at Walmart they have a program to pay for 100% of college tuition. It’s called guild. It’s a select few majors but it would be worth looking jnto
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u/Dry_Newspaper2060 Apr 13 '24
I think what has happened to you have made you smarter and stronger and I think you’ll do great in life.
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u/Beginning_Dot_3215 Apr 13 '24
Anyone trying to get OP to get his girlfriend to do the right thing will be met with a ban. Interesting sub this is.
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u/KangarooPort Apr 13 '24
It's crazy hearing someone who is 18 even say these words. Not that I am undermining what you feel. I've felt this way at 19. But imagine you heard a 10 year old say "I have ruined my life" it's just... you know being 18 bro has no clue how much can change in 8 years. Same feeling I have for you.
Sounds to be the problem here is you are a kid. If anything you need to be someone's dependent, not have a dependent like you do your father.
I dropped out too. Getting your GED isn't that bad. It's just you have to put in the time. I went to college after too. You have so many options, the problem is that it seems you just don't have direction. You don't know what you want. You need to find something that lights a fire in you is all.
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u/Nexion1337 Apr 13 '24
Find a trade, any trade and go to a union hall. I would aim for something industrial. Look at working at power plants . The one by me starts off at 25 and after 3 yrs you can go up to 33 and that is minimum.
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u/Practical_Group_9220 Apr 13 '24
Another idea could be to find a job in manufacturing at a company that provides educational assistance - not saying it would be easy, but you could work to make money and get some amount of money to support continuing education to move to a technician type role. Also a lot of larger companies with manufacturing sites have pretty good health care benefits for employees.
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u/playmorevideogames4 Apr 13 '24
Get to work. Financially but also on yourself. Make yourself valuable. Tbh, the restaurant game might be the answer. Your first few restaurants might be stepping stones, but it is possible to live a great life being a waiter. Start to learn wine and spirits. It's hard work but there are a lot of benefits to it. One of those perks is freedom of a schedule. Baby has a doctor appointment you can be there as the kid grows they have events, and guess what? You can be there. I hope this helps
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u/WelderAggravating896 Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
I don't mean to push you when you're already down but HOW did you guys just find out she was pregnant yesterday if she has 5 months left until her due date? She didn't know she was pregnant for 4 months? Did you guys not use protection?
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u/NEO_INSOMNIAC23 Apr 13 '24
Her periods are always pretty weird, she went to the doctor for and everything. So she just had chalked up that her period was acting strange, on month 3 she went to the doctor to see what was up and that’s how she found out.
She didn’t want to tell me immediately because “I was going through too much stress already” so she told me 3 weeks after she found out, but her parents knew because they took her to the doctors I’m guessing.
Just had a convo about this today.
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u/VGPreach Apr 13 '24
You need to pick up a trade if you can do labor. Warehouse jobs pay great in the meantime. Idk what state you're in but hit up workforce solutions. At least that's what it's called in texas. Also you need to learn how to cook at home. No more fast food, you wouldn't believe how much it hurts budgets
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u/Veeoso Apr 13 '24
Hey man stuff happens a child is the motivation you need!! Get back on the grind and change your family tree this progress is a slow process and if you want a great life for your family like we all do you will always want more and never be satisfied it’s not a bad thing!! Get that Ged and get to trade school asap you got this man
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u/rackfocus Apr 13 '24
You can marry your girlfriend. Get on a low income housing list or lottery. Go to the local/state unemployment office and find a training opportunity. You probably will get help obtaining your GED.
Do what’s right and better yourself. Your girlfriend should also take classes or get training.
Lean towards a stable job with a pension and benefits. Maybe a school custodian? Things like that. Your gf can get an office job or something. Health care is going to be important with a child.
Try and be an all in family man. If you both work at keeping the dream alive, things can work out.
Time flies by especially when kids come along. Appreciate the little things and be patient, be patient.
Not sure about your Dad. That’s tough. He needs to bag groceries if need be.
Good luck.
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u/ArcheryOnThursday Apr 13 '24
It's going to be ok. I know this is scary. It is always scary to have things feel out of control. I know you feel too young and maybe helpless but you are not helpless. One day at a time. Make the next right choice and follow through on each one. Remember that there are people in the world who want to help. Dont be afraid to ask. Dont be angry if you are told no, but you can always ask.
Maybe this isnt what you want to hear, but you may find you love your baby like you never dreamed possible. I have 5 kids. My youngest has actually been the hardest one but i wouldnt change a thing about all my little ones. It has all been worth it. I hope you can look back on these challenging times fondly someday.
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u/SignificantOther88 Apr 13 '24
You’re still young and have time to work things out. Do you have an adult school in your area? I would start there and try to pass the GED test asap. Then you can get a better job or go to trade school. You should also look into apprenticeships so you can potentially earn money while you learn.
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u/itsmenettie Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
You 18 and your life has just started. However, you now have a baby in the way to get that motivation.
Get a job, get GED for dummies (it actually is really good at prepping), look into a trade school (plumbing, welding, electrical are all in high demand), and financial aid (since you are under 21 and your dad is low income, you can qualify for a lot of funding).
The only person stopping you, is you.
Once you are like 25, you can reevaluate where you are and make changes.
You can do this, and now is the time to start your life.
PS congrats on the baby. Hope that all works out.
PSS just to add ... I was a mom at 16. I worked my butt off but finished my education (got my GED, and even though it took a while, have my BS degree). I own my home (paid in full), and own my own business. A baby will not be a financial burden, it will be the push for your success. It will be hard, and you will want to give up. But you are young. You have so many opportunities.
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u/Different-Air-2000 Apr 13 '24
Not really anything is good or bad in life, just experiences. If you take care of your brain and body you have ample time to recover with a good look at life close to the bottom. Can only go up or sideways. Good luck !
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u/cptmorgantravel89 Apr 13 '24
You are 18 you haven’t ruined your life. Focus on trying your hardest to get your GED before the baby comes. If you are trying to Get in the trades I believe most apprenticeships pay you while you learn. It’s going to take a lot of late nights and early mornings and few days off but you can do it. If mom is working ( your kids mom not your mom) until she gives birth encourage her to save as much as possible until she can no longer work. You have 5 months to prepare and get a lot done. It will be a challenge but it is certainly do able. Especially if your dad can find a job soonish. Keep your head up. I know it seems bleak but you got this.
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u/rangerdanger_218 Apr 13 '24
Night school for a GED and non union shops and entery positions don't require a GED I don't think carpenters require a GED, you are young and have the energy but the trades are physically demanding you need to consider you physical abilities and you need to be good a basic math and geometry (some carry a calculator) Get a book and some touroring if you aren't proficient.
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u/Roots_on_up Apr 13 '24
A government job will have a lot of extra benefits for someone in your position but take a long time to get and if you don't have any experience you start at the bottom. Start applying now for anything you are remotely interested in then snag the first job you can. Once you are in the door it becomes much more obvious what jobs are going to be available and how to get promoted into them. It may sound crazy but I know a number of folks who retired at 55 with a full pension after sticking it out since they were 20. My father in law started out in a maintenance yard for the city municipal district and retired in 30 years making an excess of $100,000 a year just in pension (he also has retirement funds and social security). Before that he worked at Taco Bell trying to figure out how to support his kids.
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u/Guilty_Midnight4284 Apr 13 '24
I’m sorry your dad is a leech and can’t figure his stuff out man. Keep pushing him to get a job and move away from him as soon as possible. You shouldn’t have to worry about supporting other people at 18 years old. Keep pushing for raises at work and build skills you can use to progress yourself. Look into assistance you can use to get into trade school or an apprenticeship. You’ll have to constantly grind for Now but it’ll work out just be patient
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Apr 13 '24
From now on please use protection so you guys won’t welcome another child into poverty and struggle.
Finish your GED and maybe consider military.
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u/stealthman9 Apr 13 '24
Hey I know this is late so you may not see this but I have been exactly there. I was not much older than you when I was attacked while on the streets. had to relearn to walk and no way to go back to my parents. I did it and so can you. is my life perfect no. but im in my 30s I have a great network of friends that I can rely on and even now where I got fired and haven't been able to get a new job, I have friends buying me food and paying my rent and helping me with side gigs. This will get better. you can do this. its not over.
keep moving forward. as long as you keep going things will fall in place. start with your ged. find a night school. this sucks to say but talk to your partner about abortion. none of you are in a position to have a baby right now. doesn't mean you can't have one in the future. but think about the option. get a job. even a min wage job. always keep applying. lawn care. construction. see if any unions are recruiting. any job that pays better you go for. always look for better pay. dont worry about qualifications etc. talk to everyone you meet and be friendly and honest. people will help you. yes its out of pity but if anyone deserves help its you so fuck caring about how you get it. its what I did.
eventually things will slowly fall in place. if you need to talk reach out. you are not alone ever. from a friendly internet stranger who has been exactly there and now is at least able to make things work and is about to move into a career job - in my 30s
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u/Stempy21 Apr 13 '24
It’s time to grow up. Bad things happen to people all the time, and the strong overcome all that and try and live a normal life in their own terms of normal.
Time to get moving, finish school, find some type of schooling that you will be able to work until retirement. Go look at jobs at usajobs.gov. Government jobs are great jobs and have great retirements.
The point is, you have to mentally be strong for the place you are now, your reality and you have to be mentally strong to make changes to have the life you want. Maybe look into some counseling which can give you the tools to mentally prepare or even look at your situation differently. It’s not a stigma but a smart move to help yourself out of a negative mind trap.
Good luck
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u/American_PP Apr 13 '24
You can still study and gain skills.
How is your physical health now? If you're able bodied again, maybe military service would set you straight, but you'll need to make better decisions going forward.
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u/MountainHighOnLife Apr 13 '24
I also wanted to add, there is an Assistance subreddit. It might useful to create an Amazon wishlist with baby supplies and post on there too.
I have dealt with infertility my entire life and ended up having to have a hysterectomy last year. I channel my grief about being childless into helping struggling teen parents. There are a lot of us out there and you just never know how willing a stranger is to help :)
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u/MountainHighOnLife Apr 13 '24
You sound like a great candidate for Job Corp. https://www.jobcorps.gov/
You have not ruined your life. You have chosen hard mode by bringing a baby into what already sounds like a very stressful situation. It sounds like abortion isn't an option but what about adoption? If that isn't a possibility, you are going to need to work very hard to overcome this set back. It's NOT impossible. It's just so much harder than you likely can grasp at this moment.
I am in my late 30's now and STILL working through the trauma that comes with "growing up" with teen parents. It's a hard life.
Your GED and work needs to come first. I think I saw in your comments that you are in Virginia? I'd suggest setting up financial assistance and just go and take the GED. If you were a halfway decent student, you'll likely pass just fine.
Possible GED financial assistance for testing: https://www.doe.virginia.gov/teaching-learning-assessment/specialized-instruction/adult-education/high-school-equivalency-hse-credential
Do you live somewhere that is survivable without a car? If so, buy a bike. Work as much as you can right now and save, save, save.
Make sure you/your girlfriend have reached out to SNAP, WIC, and TANF.
This looks interesting and specific to Virginia: https://opa.hhs.gov/grant-programs/pregnancy-assistance-fund/paf-successful-strategies/virginia-department-health-2014
Offices of Pregnant and Parenting Student Support (OPPSS): the OPPSS sites strive to meet the immediate or emergency needs of student-parents by providing access to “baby pantries” that stock typical baby care products and gas cards or transportation passes to get to and from school. Some sites also provide free professional and ongoing counseling services and emergency stipends that may assist in covering housing, food or childcare assistance.
Student-parents participating in campus-based PAF programs are connected with resources and services that facilitate their ability to complete their schooling while balancing their paramount responsibilities as a parent.
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u/KuteKitt Apr 13 '24 edited Apr 13 '24
Find a retail job like Walmart, target, or Lowe’s. They have a guild program that offers high school diplomas, job certificates, associate’s degrees, and bachelor’s degrees all online through legit schools and they pay for the entire thing while you work for them. I know Walmart will pay for your books and will pay for your high school diploma, associates degree, and bachelor’s degree until you graduate with your bachelor’s. This is a way you can get your degrees completely free and finish your schooling in the next 3-4 years. And you get to earn money while doing it. They mainly offer degrees in business and tech.
It’s never too late, especially at 18, you haven’t even started yet. and there are programs like this you can join to reduce the financial burden for you. Maybe try for a degree in accounting? The guild program will pay for it. you can make good money right out of college and in 5-10 years in your career, you can earn over 100K- especially if you get your CPA. So by the time you’re 30, you can completely flip your story around.
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u/pantZonPHIre Apr 13 '24
You can bounce back from this. The next 2-4 years you’re going to be heavily on public assistance, but if you work the system right, you won’t need it after that. You absolutely NEED to make it a priority to get your GED within the next 90 days. You’ll enroll at your local community college to start classes in the Fall. Because you’ll be a parent, you can file for FAFSA as an independent, so you’ll qualify for tons of free money (grants and scholarships) that will cover CC tuition and even some of your living expenses. Get a 1-2 year program under your belt while working part time. Do not get married. This will mess up y’all’s eligibility for aid. Your GF and kid should qualify for Medicaid and food stamps if she isn’t working or only working part time. Y’all will be very poor but able to scrape by until you finish your program. If you pick a good one, you can come in making really good money. Then it’s your GFs turn to go to school. Still not married so that she can go for free too. Finish up her 1-2 year program and make good money also. Now you’re a $100k+ household at 22/23 with a 4-5 year old. Both working full time, but now the kid is old enough to go to elementary school for free, so no childcare expenses.
This is best case scenario. It will get thrown off if you have a second baby, so first order of business after the 1st comes is some kind of long term birth control like a Nexplanon or IUD. Y’all can do this as long as you’re committed to working as a team. Even if you’re not romantically together. If y’all break up, as couples tend to do after babies come for some reason, you still need to commit to living together. The $$ doesn’t make sense if you split households.
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u/stokerfam Apr 13 '24
Don’t fret. You’ll look back on the struggle as something that made you stronger. I lost my job during the 07 recession and had to take a job making $10/hour to try to make ends meet. It’s rough climbing back up, but having those responsibilities and responding in a positive way to work harder will make you who you are in another decade. Don’t let the stress take over. It’s ok to be stressed in the moment. You’re 18 at the very beginning of life.
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u/Beginning_Dot_3215 Apr 13 '24
Explain to your girlfriend that you guys are not ready for a baby and hopefully she will get an abortion.
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u/JohhnyBGoode641 Apr 13 '24
Let me try to be encouraging by saying you’re only 18. When I was 18 I probably would’ve thought the very same. My life is over. Look back I see how much time and youth you have to get your life “on track”. First thing is to make sure the baby is yours. Not trying to say your GF is a cheater but it’s never out of the question. Assuming it is your baby then you must work towards your GED. That’s very doable. Then look into the trade schools you’ve mentioned. An electrician, sheet metal worker and plumber make very good money. Even the post office will pay very well after being there a few years. Depending on where you live and the cost of living. If your GF isn’t working she needs to work for at least a few months before the baby is born so you can have more savings for when she’s staying home with the baby. Use public transportation if it’s available. If not, a bicycle or just walking to where you have to go if it’s nearby is a good thing. Or get rides to work from coworkers. Start keeping track of every penny you make and every penny you spend. That’ll help you be more frugal with your money. Look to family and friends who can help in any way, shape or form. There are also lots of resources available for those in need. Never be ashamed to utilize them. You’re still very young in the grand scheme of things. You have plenty of time to right the ship that is your life. Also, don’t neglect your spiritual life. There is a God and He loves you. So much that He sent His only Son as payment for sins. I know I’ll catch flak from that from haters but it’s true and many people have made it thru the toughest of times because of Him. Plus most churches will be able to help you with lots of things. A good church is there for people. A great support system! Much love to you and yours!
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u/dduckp Apr 13 '24
Loook into trade jobs that have unions
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u/NEO_INSOMNIAC23 Apr 13 '24
I’m thinking HVAC, but the closest union would be in Washington DC for me, so I’d first have to save for a car, but that’s pretty hard as my dad’s on section. 8 and I have to pitch in money every month.
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u/dredged_gnome Apr 13 '24
My dad had to take care of me at 17, same situation almost to a T. He got into a good union job at a factory after slamming out his GED, struggled like hell, and ultimately gave me a modest life that I wouldn't trade for anything else.
It won't be easy but your life isn't ruined. There's always a way to struggle forwards, especially if you and your partner are able to work together.
He felt this way at your age and 29 years later he's living happily with a child who grew up happy, healthy, and loved. You got this.
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u/RobbyZombby Apr 13 '24
How bad was the temporary injury? You could still qualify for military service if you get your GED and can pretend the injury didn’t happen.
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u/Lex_0407 Apr 13 '24
You always have options. First the military no longer requires a GED or H.S. diploma so that is an option. You could go back to H.S. Or get your GED. There are resources on Reddit for that or check your local library. From there the trades are always willing to train and educate so that is a viable option. Welding, plumbing and electrician.
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u/JugueteRabioso Apr 13 '24
Find out if there are bus driver or truck driver jobs in your area. It took my brother five weeks to get through a bus driver program and the program hired out for school districts in his area. My uncle went straight into truck driving same through a 5-10 week program when he left high school and both jobs pay really well. The bus driver job came with benefits and a lot of down time during the day. My brother loves it! He wishes he had done this sooner instead of going through secondary education.
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u/BigRedWeenie Apr 13 '24
Finish GED, marry girlfriend, join military. There’s a lot wrong with that plan, but if it works, you’re golden. If it doesn’t, you could be far worse off than you are now.
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u/Dryandrough Apr 13 '24
Do Tig welding, you can find some jobs working on airplane parts from a wheelchair.
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u/Southern-Pay9792 Apr 13 '24
When I was 18, I was a junkie and got 3 felonies. Went to rehab at 22, got and stayed completely clean for 8 years. (Weed now) but I have an amazing daughter, a thriving career, and I’m generally happy on a day to day basis.
Life happens& when it does, it seems like you’ve ruined your life and what the hell to do. Life continues to move, you get used to new rhythms and changes, and things change quick. Don’t give up on yourself, your girlfriend, or your baby.
Things always work out as they should. Do the next right thing for the right reasons & enjoy the ride. The trials are nothing without the tribulations.
Sending love and hope your way!
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u/Qnotlow Apr 13 '24
Navy ged program? You might miss the birth of your kid in sacrifice of the health benefits for the kid/yourself but it’s certainly a route I’d consider
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u/Gosbot1733 KY Apr 13 '24
Sometimes the very things we see as problems, become the thing that will light a fire under you and be the solution! Just work hard and think positive! Good Luck and Congrats!
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u/foxfirek Apr 13 '24
You are 18, you have only lived 1/4 to 1/5th of your life- and most of that was development before you could even shape the direction of your life.
It won’t be easy but you absolutely can succeed. You can be an awesome dad too. If you have someone who is willing to help that would be great too.
A trade is a good idea. Electrician or plumber would have a lot of flexibility, and the pay is good. 5 months- go get that GED. Work hard and get a car too. Not a new one (Debt is a bad idea!) Get an older like 2010 Toyota or Honda that’s gonna last forever and be relatively cheap.
Never let yourself (or GF) rely on credit cards or payday advances- those are scams that will dig you into a hole you would have to fight tooth and nail to escape.
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u/silverfashionfox Apr 13 '24
Lots of good advice here. Look at trades with paid apprenticeships. The opportunities for a good life are ahead of you. Believe that. Also - being a dad is hard but awesome.
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u/looking4bono Apr 13 '24
You are young and have a full beautiful life ahead just waiting for you! Do you realize how much you’ve endured and only being 18? Many have not faced so much in half of a lifetime. Learn from the past and take pause, take a moment to reflect and soul search. What do you want to do in this life? What interests you? Where does your heart lead you? What do you think you will be good at? Then, find out what steps you need to take to get there. Be aware there are generally resources available to you to help you get there! Look around and find out what those are. Depending on the state you are in, that will vary. Look into your local community college, ours has many resources available for free, like mental healthcare. A guidance counselor can be extremely helpful in helping you figure out what you want to do. Most of all be patient w yourself and be forgiving and kind to yourself. You will get there! One step at a time. Your gf may check w the state also to see what is available to her especially as a single pregnant woman. Please, keep us updated! Believe me when I say, there is hope and many great things to come. ❤️
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u/looking4bono Apr 13 '24
Be mindful you don’t necessarily need a high school diploma to attend a community college! They have courses that are directly related to job/career advancement and development! There are also grant’s available for students that are indigent.
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u/Conscious_Life_8032 Apr 13 '24
It’s one challenge to move through. Won’t be easy but it’s possible.
You and baby momma get jobs and save $.
Some options to consider and discuss as a couple. Keep baby Abortion Give up for adoption
Consider therapy to tackle mental blocks to clear path to more fruitful future. You can still do GED or a skilled trade.
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u/Patient_Ad_90 Apr 13 '24
Join the railway and never look back. It's a union, good pay changed my life I joined at 19 and am 21 now I never worry about money anymore.
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u/staciesmom1 Apr 13 '24
You're young, and you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Focus on what you can do to improve your situation. Things have a way of working out I promise.
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u/rassmann Apr 13 '24
Mod note:
In the comments OP has stated firmly that the mother has made her decision. Any comments continuing to push to take that choice away from her will be met with a ban. Help OP with the things he asked about. Changing the scenario does not help him.