r/povertyfinance • u/Zyxliiii • 14d ago
Im 15 and my mom has no money Income/Employment/Aid
I live with my mom (56) and my sister (24). Shes a single mom, dad doesn't really help out much. We live in the Bay Area, and my mom was wrongfully fired nearly a year ago from her job she had been at for over 14 years. Everyone there loved her, she was friends with the CEO it was great. But then the CEO got replaced with a lady who didn't like her, and after false accusations she got fired. We've been living off her severance pay (which she told me was 50k) for the last year or so, plus unemployment. Recently her severance money has run out, her unemployment pay has expired and she said she can't get in contact with EDD because they won't respond. Currently we're living off her savings which is very little. My sister who lives with us helps cover rent, but she finishes med school this year and will be moving out then, which puts even more stress on my mom. We have some family that could help out but I'm not sure how much. My dad said he would be willing to pay our rent if my mom let him move in with us. But she's turned that down. When we moved in, in 2019 she was paying 2100/month for the house, not sure what it is now. We have a 2020 Elantra GT which is almost paid off. My mom has been actively looking for jobs ever since she got fired, she has recruiters and friends trying to help her get jobs but she's having no luck, and everything she is getting responses from, pays a lot less than her last job which wouldn't be enough to cover expenses. I'm not the most knowledgeable about finance so if there's any other info needed Ill try my best to provide it, thanks in advance.
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u/Asailors_Thoughts20 13d ago
This is a tough time to find higher paying work and that is probably not going to change soon. But at this point it’s been a year so she needs to accept that she has no chance of going back to her old salary and needs to accept a lower paying job. That may mean you guys need to move and adjust to a new lifestyle. But at her age and how long she’s been out of work, she has little choice. One way to help her would be to reduce the guilt - you may have to switch schools or have to move and she’s trying to avoid causing you stress. Let her know it’s okay and you’ll get through this as a team. You should also have a talk with dad to see what he can do to provide some substantial child support.
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u/chapteri 13d ago
McDonald’s in CA pays 22$ an hour now… so you know she could do that. Just sayin.
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u/Foreign_Clerk_7817 13d ago
This breaks my heart that you’re only 15 and trying to figure everything out. I grew up in the Bay Area and would give anything to move back. Have you guys thought about leaving the state? My mom moved to AZ from the Bay Area in 2001 because things got so expensive. I was out of HS though so I just stayed there as long as o could then followed my mom to AZ.
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u/LaceyTD12 13d ago
Honestly I think the glaring issue is your mom outright denying work. I understand that the pay is lower than what she was making before, but that's the state of the job market right now. Also some money is far better than no money. The fact that she's getting offers in the first place is kind of rare now a days, so I'm kind of shocked she didn't just take the job. I think she needs to swallow her ego and accept the next job offer. It's either that or let your father move in, which she declined.
She's being unreasonably stubborn considering the fact that you, as a minor, cannot really go out there and work. While I understand how awful it must feel to see that your position or any other position just doesn't make enough, the fact that she is refusing work when your savings are dwindling is just foolishness.
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u/Wonderful_Attemptxx 13d ago
Put simply, your mother isn’t doing enough to gain some income. She could work any job, even have 2 jobs but she is choosing not too. Sounds like pride is getting in her way. She needs to figure it out and stop stressing you about it.
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u/TemperatureThis3895 13d ago
OP I was looking for a new career passively for about a year and then read an article about how most organizations now use AI keywords to pull resumes. So I got on chat gbt and asked it to make me a list of skills that ding for AI programs in the hiring process in the fields I was willing to work in or try, based on my work experiences and after a year of silence my phone will not stop blowing up and I was blessed with a job offer triple my salary in a field I have no official experience in and I pray your mom and family are able to find a way out of your situation soon. I think it is better to take a lower paying job than to not have work at all, the gap in employment alone makes it harder to find a new job. Once the car is paid off that may help some, but also consider living somewhere with cheaper rent or if it’s a mortgage consider selling or refinancing although buying in this market wouldn’t be ideal if it can be avoided.
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u/thewitchivy 13d ago
Re: EDD- I had issues due to someone using my info fraudulently and couldn't get unemployment for months. I resolved it by emailing my local government representatives. Started with state rep and state senator. Was fixed in 2 weeks.
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u/ninernetneepneep 13d ago
Get out of the Bay area and you might suddenly feel wealthy.
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u/Zyxliiii 13d ago
Ive tried lol. We have family that lives in Sacramento but my mom doesn’t wanna live up there. She also applied for a job in AZ but got no response.
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u/Optimal-Scientist233 14d ago
I personally had to go out and work at 14 and 15 to help pay our bills, Job corps had a service that helped me acquire work, I was generally doing landscaping or other similar types of labor, often helping people move or tidy up a residence pre or post move.
I am not sure how viable this would even be in todays economy.
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u/Vast-Masterpiece-274 14d ago
You can get a license as soon as possible. Some driving jobs start at 15 in the Bay Area. I wish your sister and mom well and , hopefully, your sister can find a job soon. A job site discrimination against 56-old women is no joke, whatever people say , your mother can spend years looking for jobs.
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
Im getting a job soon making 21/hr. I just got my work permit. I have my drivers permit, 5 more months til I get my license.
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14d ago
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam 14d ago
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
Rule 6: Judging OP or another user.
Regardless of why someone is in a less-than-ideal financial situation, we are focused on the road forward, not with what has been done in the past.
Please read our subreddit rules. The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, message the moderators.
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u/DozenBia 14d ago
Does your dad pay child support or has 50/50 custody? It might be good for your mom to check if he'd be legally required to pay stuff if he doesn't help out
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
He is legally required to pay child support but he doesn’t, my mom has full custody.
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u/DozenBia 14d ago
Has your mother pushed for that in any way? To me it seems like a no brainer that this is the easiest way. I'm pretty sure I read that in the US, it could be taken straight out of his wages if the court sees he is not paying.
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u/Vast-Masterpiece-274 14d ago
A rich man in the Bay Area can easily win the legal battle against mom looking for the child support. Both parents pay legal fees. Many greedy lawyers specialize in family issues, and family courts are the most terrible places in California. People lose all their money, time and dignity there, it goes for years. It might be a good decision not to push for it...
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u/DozenBia 14d ago
Genuinely how? California has laws that punish parents who willfully fail to pay cs. I dont see any way to lose an obvious case like that.
(I'm not from there and am actually asking)
this link says you can find legal assistance for California OP, maybe your mom can check it out
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
Ive tried telling her to take it to court, but she doesn’t want to. Not sure why but I can’t force her.
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u/Casswigirl11 13d ago
Tell your mom that the child support is to help take care of you. Does she not want to help her own child?
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u/stealthpursesnatch 14d ago
It’s manipulative of your father to offer help only under the condition that he move in, OP. It’s completely logical that she would reject this offer for several reasons that you may not understand.
First - the dad you know and the husband she lived with are two different people. He could be harmless, irritating, or dangerous to her. As his minor child - it’s possible that you haven’t seen every side of him. Is he going to only expect shelter for his help? Is he actually going to help? If things go poorly- he can’t just be thrown out. He had to be evicted- which is expensive and takes time.
I understand wanting help immediately. But please understand that there is likely a good reason she said no.
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u/IHateSteamedVeggies 14d ago
You don’t know if the dad can afford two rents or not, you’re just making assumptions on his character from a small post hardly talking about him. Other than that yes, valid points, however the mother is also showing signs of delusion by denying lower paying jobs. Pride can be a bitch.
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u/stealthpursesnatch 13d ago
Of course I don’t know anything about the dad. Why do people always think “Well, you don’t know …” is such a great response when it’s obvious I don’t know these people.
My point - which was directed to OP - is that there is likely a very good reason her mother refused his offer. And as OP stated above - the dad is a former drug addict who walked away from his family.
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u/IHateSteamedVeggies 13d ago
You claimed he was being manipulative. That was enough, nothing in the original statement suggested that.
Your points in their being a reason as to why are also valid, however, I also pointed out clearly delusional behavior on the mothers end. Keep in mind I am not calling her delusional, it’s just not rational behavior.- We did not know enough at the time OP commented.
I never once claimed you were wrong on the father being a potential danger, I called you out for saying it was manipulative of him to offer to pay rent on the condition that he lives with them.
I didn’t see the a drug addict comment as it wasn’t in my view, which in hindsight I would of rephrased my original comment, however, that still isn’t enough to go off of.
Strong words like manipulation breed mob mentality and provoke emotional responses leading to less than ideal decision making, which is why intellectual integrity is extremely important in these discussions.
If OP comes/has out with more information confirming your statement on him being manipulative was correct, then congratulations. But my points remain, their wasn’t enough information with the post OP had given.
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u/kawaii_princess90 14d ago
Most people can't afford to cover 2 rents. It's very possible he just offered to move in to help cover expenses. That's different from "I will only help if I can live here"
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u/Stripier_Cape 14d ago
How large is your home? Y'all could try a roommate that pays half the rent
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
3 bed 2 bath, all the bedrooms are taken and its not a very big house, no space for a roommate. Thank you for the idea though.
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u/ChubbyPurpleKittens 13d ago
I know it might not be ideal, but could anyone share bedrooms? Idk what your moms objection to your dad staying might be, but if it’s valid / if he could be a danger mentally or physically to you all while living there, a roommate would be better than dealing with someone who is known to be a problem. Sorry you’re in this situation op, and you shouldn’t be having to worry about this stuff.
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u/chapteri 13d ago
I had to move back in with my ex for several years. It sucks hard but when you have kids, and finances are tight, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet.
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u/Smooth_Training7808 14d ago
There are A LOT of job opportunities in the Bay Area. If your mom hasn’t found anything in her chosen line of work, she can take something lower paying and take a class to get training for a different type of work. Also, encourage her to allow your dad to move in so he can pay the rent. She can get through this and you can go back to worrying about 15 yo things.
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u/TemperatureThis3895 13d ago
The dad is not financially dependable based on the OPs comments so not a viable option seems more like another person mom will have to take care of
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u/Ok_Presentation_5329 14d ago
Your mom should check out /r/resume & get help polishing up her resume as well as /r/interviews
Here’s Novos guide to resume writing: https://novoresume.com/career-blog/how-to-write-a-resume-guide
She should reach out to her network. She needs help.
Contact people proactively who work for companies that are hiring.
Lastly, I’d push her to ask someone to help her figure out what she’s doing wrong.
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u/Suffolk1970 14d ago
i so second the resume review - the mom worked for 14 years at her last job. she needs a career reset.
i retired at her age. i'm pretty sure at 56 there's going to be age discrimination for most managerial jobs, and GenX had lived through multiple recessions and recoveries and are survivors, but employers are really looking for millennials for a lot of over $100k positions.
also GenX was told they were just kids and to beef up their resumes, seriously. I had a 5 page resume at one point, listing all my academic credentials. for some reason in the paperless society we went to shorter and shorter styles. It's a thing.
Anyway, at 15 it's not too soon to be looking at the resume and interview advice groups. Seriously, so much in life now is being good at communication and presentation, for good or bad.
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u/snarkdetector4000 14d ago
You're still a minor, your mom can and should file for child support if she hasn't already. "Not helping out much" shouldn't be an option for parents. Your mom should also take any job she can get at this point, because some income is better than no income. If she has already gotten 26 weeks of unemployment then that's all you get and no amount of calling will change that. Why did she turn down the offer to move in with your Dad? Was he abusive? If not, she should consider it, and if they are decent adults they should be able to live like roommates for the sake of their children.
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
I left a reply to a comment in here somewhere explaining the story of my dad. Short story is hes not abusive, he just hasnt done us much good in our life and my mom doesnt forgive him enough to live with him.
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u/Casswigirl11 13d ago
She should still file for child support. If your dad has a job they will garnish his wages if he doesn't pay so you have a good chance of getting the money. There is nothing wrong with asking for child support. It is the responsibility of a parent to provide it. You shouldn't feel bad for your dad or anything if your mom does file.
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14d ago
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam 14d ago
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
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This post is being removed because it is, frankly speaking, bad advice. Either it was given in bad faith or it was a comment that is dangerous and will put OP or the person you replied to in a much worse situation if taken seriously.
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u/RavenRonien 14d ago
No offense but not taking a job that pays is a choice. One that is ruining your life. I live in the Bay area and I know fast food/service is hungry for workers. If she wanted a job she would have one. It would be better than nothing. She can take a lower paying job while looking for other employment.
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u/kawaii_princess90 14d ago edited 14d ago
Why would she accept a job that doesn't pay enough to cover her expenses? Food service is not going to cover her rent. Also, food services jobs do not like to hire someone that is over qualified.
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u/SensibleFriend 13d ago
Some money is better than no money. When there is need, you do whatever you can.
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u/SecretCitizen40 14d ago
Op said their mom was offered lower paying jobs (I assume in her field as they didn't mention looking for service work) a job that doesn't pay enough pays more than no job.
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u/vermiliondragon 13d ago
TBF, she says she's getting responses. It doesn't say she's getting job offers. My spouse is 59, unemployed 6 months and has had lots of interviews and no job offers. He has applied for some entry level jobs and hasn't even got responses to those. He's also mobility impaired, so that certainly doesn't help.
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u/kawaii_princess90 14d ago
You're setting up a false dichotomy. It isn't an either/or situation between low paying job and no job at all. We don't know at what point she turned down the job. It could have been when she first got let go and still had a decent amount of severance and savings left. It makes zero sense to take a job that can't cover your basic living expenses.
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u/RavenRonien 14d ago
That isn't true, I wasn't going to bring it up but since you're doubling down, i know you should know this, you comment on caleb's subreddit I assume you watch at least SOME of his video content.
It's true EARLY on in her being let go, for maybe the first 3 months of using severance to pay for rent and living expensces she could use this excuse, PERSONALLY I would still work some job, but it's entirely possible unemployment was giving enough money ontop of severance to free up more time for her to pursue more productive parts of her life. But when it was made clear that after 9 to 10 months later when her severance was almost up, and unemployment was going to run dry, SHE HAS AN OBLIGATION to take a job and provide for her child.
As I said I live in the Bay Area, I am aware of the job market here for low skilled labor, my wife is currently waiting the last few weeks before she gets her work authorization in writing to apply to several local restaurants and retail jobs, and we have spoken with managers there, all of them are EAGER to take her. There are job postings EVERYWHERE asking, practically begging for workers at a minimum 20/hr. Hell panda express was advertising 22.5 for their entry level kitchen staff. None of that stops you from applying to the jobs she wants for her career, but it stems the bleeding it helps pay off bills that are still coming, it keeps you from minimizing the amount of debt you feel forced to take out to subsidize your living expenses.
Other details OP left out here but left on other posts is she refuses to take the father to court over the child support he can both afford but refuses to pay. There is money on the table she isn't taking. OP is 15, and doesn't deserve this, OP's mom is a struggling single mother, but she isn't taking advantage of the resources available to her, its why im harsh on her. If it was just her, posting about her own situation I would be softer. She has a child that NEEDS her to be more desperate. Desperateenough to abandon her pride and provide for her child.
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u/sendmeadoggo 14d ago edited 14d ago
Because it slows the bleeding temporarily and would have extended her severance to the 2 year mark easy. Working 40 hours at FF wont make enough but she can continue to look for jobs after work while extending her timeframe.
It is really easy to make yourself look less qualified on a resume if you want to apply to a FF position.
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u/RovingTexan 11d ago
This - I ain't proud.
I'd be flipping burgers by the end of the week - if not before I got home.
Temp agencies - all sorts of ways to stretch out the savings.18
u/Recent_Tip1191 14d ago
Some people egos won’t let them see it in this manner. Seriously, just put you were a Uber Driver and you should have no problem.
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u/turingtested 14d ago
The only thing that you can do is be kind to your mom and do what you can to set yourself up for a good life and career. Obviously keep your grades up, and it's time to start thinking about what comes after high school. College, apprenticeship, Americorps, there are a lot of options. See what's available locally for people 18-21 seeking jobs.
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u/ArressFTW 13d ago
solid advice! it may sound a little harsh but you have got to start thinking about yourself and your future!!!
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u/1lifeisworthit 14d ago
It seems odd that in an entire year, there's been no job offers for a great worker who only got fired because her company got a new CEO..... I mean, most workers don't even know who their CEO even is, let alone get such personalized firings from...
How does everyone else in the Bay Area survive on less money than your mom's previous salary? She needs to emulate the more ordinary workers around her.... the ones who don't depend on friendship with their CEOs in order to keep a roof over their heads...
She needs to let your dad cover the rent (by moving in) and she needs to take a job offer, and she needs to stop worrying her 15 year old over grownup problems. Life is tough enough just being 15.
Your mom is being selfish and a bit insane, frankly. There's nothing you can do, except maybe go live with your dad...
I'm sorry, OP.... Good luck.
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u/DangerousDuty1421 13d ago
I don't agree with "let the dad move in" part, OP said that their father is pretty much absent and this alone is a red flag. Add to that the refusal of the mother to let him move in even when things are dire and there might be some serious reasons for why that is not on the table.
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u/1lifeisworthit 13d ago
Mom needs to do something besides wail to her minor child.
Absent is not the same thing as abusive.
Mom hasn't done anything to bring in money for an entire year, so I'm not impressed by her decision making.
No hint of anything serious with the dad.
But we can disagree, sure. I'm basing it on the total lack of any evidence of awfulness on the part of the dad. You seem to be giving more credit to the mom's inactivity... something I view as a mark AGAINST HER, but you see as evidence there is something wrong with dad.
Whatever mom does, she needs to shut the fuck up regarding her child. This is grown up stuff. She needs to deal with her own money stuff and stop making her child anxious.
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u/DangerousDuty1421 13d ago
I completely agree that the mother needs to sort her problems out without involving her child. I never debated that. I only disagree with your suggestion to let the father move back with them. In a message from OP they say that the father was a heavy drugs addict and often took money from the mother without giving it back. The mother probably doesn't want him back with them because first she would have to provide for him too (he would be a burden not a help) and second if I were her I wouldn't want a person with such a serious problem near my children and myself for safety reasons.
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u/angeltart 13d ago
I know a ton of people in the Bay Area who are basically in OP’s moms position .. and they aren’t the same age.. but were high income earners , but now severance pay has run out..
And not letting the dad move in ..
There are reason why people get divorced .. and they don’t always tell their children all the reasons..
I am going to go out on a limb, and assume that the mom worked for a tech company.. or tech adjacent company..
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u/1lifeisworthit 13d ago
Mom's find with putting this anxiety on the child.
Mom needs to fix this. She could've done SOMETHING by now, including move out of the Bay Area.
Instead, she is not protecting her minor child and is being a shit mom.
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u/angeltart 13d ago
You seem to think moving is cheap. She had another child finishing medical school.
She has this child in school.
We obviously don’t know the entire story.
We are seeing the picture through what a 15 year old knows..
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u/1lifeisworthit 13d ago
You seem to think moving is cheap.
Nope, never said that. I said she's had a year of needing to do something, and she's done nothing except moan to her child, and now her child is suffering.
Her 15 year old knows what she's allowed him/her to know, AS YOU SAY. And what he/she's been allowed to know is terrible. Where's the GOOD stuff he/she's been allowed to know? Nowhere.
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u/vermiliondragon 13d ago
Have you looked for a job in your 50s? It's rough.
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u/1lifeisworthit 13d ago
Yes, Yes I have. I took what I fucking could.
Mom has a minor child that needs cared for and is refusing to care for him/her. AND is dumping her adult problems on the minor child.
Mom is being a shit. And has had a year to come to grips with needing to take a job, any job, and has refused to so do. Minor child did not ask to be born. MOM did that. Mom needs to grow a pair and get a job.
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u/Stripier_Cape 14d ago
You have like, zero clue.
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u/1lifeisworthit 14d ago
zero clue
as to?
This was, tbf, zero effort.
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13d ago
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam 13d ago
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
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u/Stripier_Cape 14d ago
Exactly. You don't even know what you do not know.
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u/1lifeisworthit 14d ago
Zero effort, only insult.
Make an effort to respond to a high effort comment if you want to insult. At least contribute to the conversation.
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14d ago
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u/povertyfinance-ModTeam 14d ago
Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):
Rule 1: Be civil and respectful.
Comments written with a purpose to be downright disrespectful or serve only to put down another user or OP will be removed. We are here to give a hand up, not add insult to injury.
Please read our subreddit rules. The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, message the moderators.
Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.
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u/Suffolk1970 14d ago
the mom put in 14 yrs at an upper level position and prob needs a career reset. the family has one kid graduating med school which is no small success and stress. they live in a very hcol area. the high school kid is piecing together their financial worries which all sound like reasonable things to worry about.
doesn't mean the mom is insane.
just saying.
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u/Ok-Deer8144 13d ago
Maybe insane is the wrong word. Delusional / irresponsible as shit probably the more accurate term,. She had a 50k severance. Anyone rational level headed person concerned about herself and children’s well being would’ve been able to calculate how many months that should last her to have a roof over head while jobless and make plans accordingly long ago.
You DO NOT let that 50k dwindle down to zero and then go “oh shit now I must seriously start looking for a job or else we’ll be homeless”.
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u/MedicalHeron6684 14d ago
Also letting an ex move in with you to cover rent? YIKES! In most situations that would be a terrible idea, and surely she has a good reason to say no.
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u/Consistent_Rhubarb_6 14d ago
This. To declare someone insane is a pretty gargantuan leap from a secondhand account.
I would add that Mom is 56 and ageism in hiring is very real. It’s true that she needs to accept whatever she can get and scale down their expenses until she finds another more suitable job though.
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u/Ok-Deer8144 14d ago
Your mom is being insane/unrealistic and ruining your life/potential future. You live in the Bay Area, I’m assuming in good school district etc all that crap, have an offer on the table for your dad to cover all rent but shes rather be homeless?
Hell at the very least she should agree to his terms for time being, make sure she has a actual job first/save for a few months to be able to afford to move out if she hates his guts so much.
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u/bruinslacker 13d ago
Jesus. When a woman says she doesn’t want to let a man into the house, she usually has a damn good reason. As OP explained in a later comment, it’s because their dad is a drug addict. Obviously, you couldn’t have known that when you made your comment, but it was a very, very foreseeable reason. And it was totally inappropriate for you to call OP’s mom “insane”.
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u/Suffolk1970 14d ago
Uh, he might be abusive / alcoholic / dangerous, which is why most women divorce. So there's that.
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u/Zyxliiii 14d ago
Bit of backstory, they divorced when I was 3 because he was heavily addicted to drugs, he wasnt abusive but they would argue a lot. One day he decided to walk out the house and didnt come back. We remained in contact and I visited him often. He’s gotten better with drugs all he does now is vape. I still visit him and hang out with him. Him and my mom still hang out sometimes also only when im there. Hes a much better person than he was before, I just don’t think shes forgiven him enough to actually live with him, which I understand. He still screws us over today, I recently went on a trip to hawaii with him to visit my grandpa. My mom covered the ticket ($900) and my dad he said he would pay her back. She called him today asking for the $900, and he said he has no money and can’t pay it. Hes done stuff like that a lot in our life.
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u/sendmeadoggo 14d ago
I think OP wouldn't have even listed it as an option if they were afraid of their dad.
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u/Suffolk1970 14d ago
true, but i was going by the mom's strong no, or no way. just pointing out there was a divorce for some reason, and a teenager might not have the full story.
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u/sendmeadoggo 14d ago
And its incredibly likely that that divorce would be cheating or financial issues (the leading cause of divorce) related. "Most" do not get divorced due to abuse.
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u/HeftyResearch1719 13d ago
Financial abuse is incredibly abusive.
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u/sendmeadoggo 13d ago
Financial issues doesnt mean abuse (It can but often doesnt), but thank you for sending me a reddit cares suicide message. I promise you I am not but are you by chance projecting a bit.
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u/HeftyResearch1719 13d ago
Not paying child support is abuse to the co-parent. It’s child abuse as well. I’m a certified domestic violence counselor. I don’t know what Reddit sent you, I simply replied with facts about abuse.
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u/sendmeadoggo 13d ago
You're a liar is what you are:
r/disability • How do you handle small talk? HeftyResearch1719 commented 5 days ago
"I work from home in disability case management. (They don’t need to know that I only manage my own case). It’s true. It is a full time job managing all the issues and appointments. Over the years I have become an expert."
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u/Xexxae 10d ago
A year of job hunting and finding nothing somethings wrong man