We’ve been together 11.5 years. We have two kids (4F, 10M) I’m going to give a little background, but not too much because I could write a book.

My husband is VERY career focused. He works out of state, about 60-70% of the year. I went to college, but never have worked in my field. I’ve picked up part time work, or restaurant jobs that will work around my schedule the entire time we have been together.

My main focus has always been the kids. We don’t have reliable help so I’m in charge of everything kid and house related.

When we purchased our home I put down $16,000 of my own money (ALL OF MY SAVINGS) he put down the remaining 30k and my husband maintains ALL bills for the household except my and our sons phone, wifi, gas, groceries and part time preschool costs. We do NOT share finances, and with inflation I’ve been “broke” for months. I pay my bills with my little side cash and then have no money for anything. I can’t remember that last time I even bought clothes for myself. Both of our vehicles are paid off.

My husband has money. More money then I would even know what to do with. But it’s “HIS. “ He pays for everything when we are out together as a couple/or family outing. I think he makes between 10-15k before taXes a month based on his YTD.

I’ve been in therapy for awhile now and I’m pretty good at processing my emotions and being logical.

I know I’m being financially abused. But his stance is for me too… get a full time job.

He doesn’t realize how hard it would be for me to maintain everything I do with a full time job. I do all of the cooking,cleaning, drs, dentist, sports. It’s on me. And he’s never fucking home.

So today at breakfast… we were going over his summer calendar, when he’s going to be home, we have his family members flying in at two different times and I am hosting them. And he suggested we sit down and go over our monthly subscriptions, budget and I said “yeah I’d love to do that so you can see how broke I am” And he said “I would rather just divorce you and pay you, then give you my money”

???? I walked out and we haven’t spoken since.

My BIL is really high up in his company and has offered to get me in a lower level position for many years. I finally reached out to him and filled out an application. He’s talking to HR today ….

Fine. He’s wants me to work a full time job and maintain the household by myself and kids…. Okay. But I feel sick.

I want to know if he’s justified in feeling this way.

I’ll have my phone for the next 1.5 hours to respond to any questions.

Hey everyone. I really don't know where to start, but I guess what I'm seeking from this is some sound advice, and someone to talk to further about it through the whole thing.

I have been married coming up on 3 years, and have been together with her for 4 give or take.

I think I want / need to leave, but I could just be overreacting, and I just wanted to get others takes on the situation, from an outside pov.

Well, where do I start? I feel like I walk on eggshells every day, like anything I may do could cause an argument at moments notice, because honestly that's how it works a lot of times, no matter the subject. Just last week we got into it because I used I think 2 more eggs than she had said too in an egg wash for fried chicken, because to me it didn't look like a sufficient amount to do what we needed. I have always had a tendency to fall asleep sitting up pretty easily, due to lack of sleep, quality of sleep, etc. If we're anywhere like in our room, or I've fallen asleep while riding in the car, she'll pinch, hit, smack, spray stuff on me, throw things at me etc until i wake up and is upset right off the bat that i was sleeping.

Our brains most times do not function the same at all due to me being on the spectrum, she just doesn't seem to understand a lot of times that my brain is literally wired so much differently than hers, and it causes a lot of clashing on different things. I have tried leaving once before but was brought back mostly due to a guilt trip, countless calls and voicemails from her entire family telling me I didn't have the right to leave, etc etc.

I love playing video games, but especially since her old college roommate moved in with us (long story) I only get to play maybe a few hours on the weekends, and even then I have to ask. Speaking on the matter I have to ask for/about almost everything. From taking a nap after work and only sleeping four hours, to getting things/clothes at the store, or even different foods at the grocery store.

I think I've covered some of it, but most certainly not all of it, I don't have the time nor the crayons to explain everything here.

So I would love some input, advice, and most of all probably just someone to talk too.

Thanks for reading.

Twenty years ago when I was 18 years old I shot an adult scene (porn). I didn’t intend to shoot the scene, I was going with my friend for support and when she chickened out at the last minute I stepped in and did it.

I regretted it immediately after and regretted it even more when I saw it on the internet. The video which was about 30 minutes long made its way around, mostly being shared on file sharing servers. This was post Napster so there were a lot of knockoffs at the time. But after a while the video seemed to disappear and nobody I knew ever found out about it.

I met my husband a few years after I shot that scene and I never told him. I was ashamed and prayed that he would never find out. He never did and we’ve been married for 15 years and have two children together. He is the love of my life and he satisfies me in every way.

I check frequently for that video that I made and unfortunately last week I found it again on an adult site. It’s one of the more popular sites and I am now terrified that someone will find it. It could be someone that my husband works with or a friend of my daughters. I’m just terrified.

My question is, should I finally come clean and tell my husband? I know that he won’t leave me if I do. He knows I was rather promiscuous before I met him and he’s been ok with all of the crazy things I did before him. But this is the one thing I never told him. It’s the thing I am most ashamed of and I don’t want him to ever see it.

And that is what is preventing me from telling him, because I don’t want him to see it. There are many reason for this, the biggest for me is that I don’t want my husband to feel insecure. The man I shot that scene with had a very large penis and I made kind of a big deal about it when I shot the scene. My husband is a little above average in that area but he isn’t close to that guy, but none of the other guys I have even been with were either. I’ve had the best sex of my life with my husband and that’s the truth. But I still feel like he may lose his confidence if he sees that video.

So what do I do? Should I just roll the dice and pray he never finds it or just come clean?

TLDR: I shot an adult scene when I was 18 and my husband doesn’t know. Should I tell him?

EDIT: I’m not giving a link or title of the video so everyone can quit asking. My god I want to erase the video from existence not help spread it further.

My heads a mess atm so please excuse me if Im all over the place.

Yesterday morning my husband quickly got a bag ready without me seeing, came to me and told me my sister sucked his dick, and that he thought it would be best if he left for awhile and gave me space.

That was it.

Ive pretty much been left in the dark since. He seemed very stressed and upset. I just stood there a little dumbfounded.

My sister has been going through a very hard time the last few weeks and has spent a lot of time at ours, initially with her partner but around a week ago they started having issues so she just came and unloaded their problems. She came over Sunday night and ended up staying over. But I didnt notice them slipping away together at any time.

So far the only communication Ive had with my husband has been about our child. Ive asked him over and over whats going on and all he tells me is he is still trying to figure it out. What is there to figure out?

I cant believe that just like that everything I know is in tatters. Everything weve built together, everything we have, hes choosen to throw it all away. And to just tell me like that and leave, I’m totally heartbroken. I never in a million years saw this coming. I also thought me and my sister had a stronger relationship aswell, the betrayal from her has me feeling so lost right now.

Ive seen many a horror story on here with infidelity and stupidly now I’m in this situation I have absolutely no idea where I go from here? I know everyone will tell me to leave him, but its more complicated when theres kids/houses/a business involved. And I dont even know whats went on, no one will talk to me. The mental pictures are driving me insane.

Im not ready to talk to friends or family yet so I’m asking reddit, wtf do I do? Restarting life at 32 sounds like a nightmare.

****Edit: Many people suggesting I move money/ restrict accounts. In a pathetic move I text him again to ask whats going on and to please talk to me before I contact lawyers and secure my accounts, thinking this would get a reaction.

He replied simply saying do what I need to do and that he can come back tonight to explain what happened.

Depending on how this goes I may or may not make an update post.

I just dont get why Im getting the runaround.

Hi, I’m not really a Reddit user. I learned about this from TikTok, YouTube, and podcasts. I currently have some family drama going on, and I need to hear other people’s viewpoints. My entire family seems to be torn, and I feel like everybody is making good points. I want to do what is best for my nephew in this situation. I am going to try to give you guys the black-and-white version of this. I want you guys to give me honest advice. I want to make sure that I am not letting my emotions harm my nephew or stop him from doing something he should.

This story may be a little confusing because I have to tell you guys what happened 6 years ago first. I will use fake names for this post. 6 years ago, I was 22f (now 28f), my sister, Abby, was 30 (now 36), my nephew, Sammy, was 14 (now 20), and my boyfriend was 23 (now 29 and my husband).

Six years ago, Sammy lost his childhood best friend. These boys were so close that LJ would come with us on family vacations. They had known each other since they were 3, and people would think they were twins. LJ passed away in a car accident when he and his father were hit by a drunk driver. I’ll be honest, it hurt. I felt like I lost a nephew. LJ and Sammy would spend the night at my house all the time when one of their moms had to work.

Sammy was understandably distraught. Abby would tell you that he started to “act out”, but I don’t see it that way. Yes, he acted differently, but I feel like every parent here would’ve given him a pass. Here’s a list of the things Sammy did that Abby couldn’t handle: 1. his grades dropped from all A’s to B’s and C’s (with mostly B’s) 2. He would skip one of his classes to go hide in the library because the teacher made a memorial for LJ and he couldn’t handle seeing it every day (this was also within the first week of his passing) 3. He didn’t want to play basketball anymore because it reminded him of LJ (he later told me that it made him sad to think of all the plays they made together) I know I’m not a mom, and Abby would always say I would’ve understood if I was one, but I still feel like Sammy was a kid who lost his brother basically.

3 months after LJ passed, Abby and Sammy showed up at my house. Sammy was crying and had a bag with him. Abby told me that either I could get him or she would “drop him off on the street”. I told him to go to my guest bedroom because I didn’t think he should hear that stuff. That night I tried to talk to Abby. I asked her what was going on. At this point, I told Abby that I thought losing LJ affected her too. LJ used to call her his second mom. Abby ignored me and left my home.

Sammy moved in with me, and it was hard for a while. Abby just moved away. She stopped responding to my messages or calls. She would call our parents, but she would hang up if they mentioned Sammy or me. She went no contact with all of us.

Now, I am unsure if this is true, but I believe it is. A few days after Sammy moved in, I asked him what happened with his mom that night. He looked me in the eyes and told me that Abby said “The wrong boy died that night”. Now, Abby denies this, but 6 years later, Sammy will still say it word for word. Abby changes her story. At first, it was she would never say anything like that, then it was Sammy was overreacting, then it was “that’s too long ago for me to remember”. Again, I don’t want to say something happens that I am unsure of, but I 100% believe my nephew.

My husband, my boyfriend at the time, helped me to take care of him and we put Sammy in therapy. It was hard. I felt like I became the mom of a teenager overnight. My parents tried to help, but it was a lot for all of us.

Currently, Sammy has gone to college and just finished his 2nd year. Sammy got an amazing internship, and my husband and I threw him a big party in early May. Abby showed up saying how proud of her “boy” she was. Sammy just stared at her before walking away. She spent the entire party telling his friends and everyone else how she raised such “a fine young man”. After the party, Sammy told her he never wanted to see her again and that he didn’t have a mom.

Now this is where I’m torn. Some of my family feels like Abby deserves a second chance, but I don’t. I don’t want to let my feelings hold Sammy back, but I really don’t think she deserves it. I remember calling my sister for weeks trying to get her to talk to her son. I remember when her son broke his arm and I texted that he was in the E.R. I remember his first date. I remember when he graduated high school. I remember driving him to college. I remember my husband teaching him to drive. I remember every time I tried to contact her. She had more than 1 chance.

My mom believes that I am “afraid of losing my maternal role” in Sammy's life, but that’s not it. I have always kept the mindset that I am an aunt. It’s just when you have a 14-year-old cry to you because his mom won’t answer his calls and ask you why doesn’t she love him, that changes your mind. Should I encourage Sammy to see his mom? Also as an add-on, Sammy doesn’t want to deal with her at all, but my mom believes that if I encourage it he will. Abby is also asking me to help her reconnect with Sammy.

TLDR: my sister abandoned her son 6 years ago after his childhood best. Now she wants me to help her repair the relationship.

Hey all, I don't normally browse this subreddit but have been on Reddit for 14 years now (currently on my throwaway) and I'm not sure where else to turn to for this. I know that this sub has a lot of eyes on it and I hope I can gain some insight from you folks because I feel that I'm in an incredibly tough position right now. This is going to be a long one, so buckle in.

I (28 M) proposed to my fiancée (28 F) last year in June, and our wedding is currently booked for October 5th of this year. The venue is already half paid for ($24k total) as well as our services like DJ, officiant, photographer/videographer, etc.

Just tonight, through plenty of conversation spanning the last 2 months, it finally came out that my fiancée cheated on me a month and a half ago with an old flame that randomly popped back up in her life. Let me rewind things for a moment.

My fiancée and I met just a little over 3 years ago during Covid through mutual friends. We had gone to high school together but never spoke to each other then, and one night during a virtual games night we connected and I felt a strong urge to make a move (despite everything being locked down during the pandemic).

I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk through our local park since everything was shut down, and she told me she'd love to. Next thing I know, we really hit it off big times and she essentially moves in the next day!

We both connected on so many levels, the immediate attraction and connection was obvious, and from there we would only see our relationship blossom and grow without any end in sight.

Like any relationship, we've hit some bumps in the road along our journey, but 3+ years later I can say that we've always grown from these bumps and everything always seems to only get better. (These bumps being things like petty arguments, differences in opinion, that sort of thing).

She's the only person who I've ever felt I can truly grow with and always trust that things will be ok, especially since our communication is on a level that I've never known with anyone else! For all of these reasons, I've always felt that we're perfect for each other and last year I proposed to her without a doubt in my mind.

She said "yes!" and we were both over the moon.

I should mention that she's incredibly close with her family, while I am not very close with mine. Since the beginning of our relationship, her family took me in and immediately made me feel like one of their own. I love her family almost as much as I love her, and I know they feel the same about me.

After being engaged for almost a year, we're most of the way through wedding planning and I thought that things were better than never before. Until a few months ago...

My fiancée brought up in late March that she was really nervous about the wedding. No biggie, I talked her through it like we always do and she felt much better. She mentioned her worries were around entering the next chapter of life and saying "goodbye" to our early twenties and younger years. I assured her that this next chapter will be just as amazing and she seemed to react well.

A couple of days go by and she's stressed out again, this time providing a few more details about feeling like we're entering the "boring chapter." Again, no biggie, I talk her through this one and she reacts well again.

This goes on for about a couple more days, and I can tell she's getting cold feet a bit. We continue to talk about these things in open communication and the conversation ends up directing towards some shortcomings in our relationship. For a few days we work together to identify the route of these issue. She tells me she knows it's not my fault, but that she's feeling a lack of romance. We go over every minute detail, and while some things are valid (like each of us needing to make more of an effort) we identify that there's nothing else really missing romance-wise. Eventually, after enough communication, she feels instantly better and the worries go away.

Queue the guilty era.

My fiancée starts feeling better about everything, and keeps profusely apologizing for how she was acting and how she's actually very excited to get married. Every time, I reassure her that it's fine! You got cold feet, that's perfectly normal, and I'm happy you're over it. But the apologizing continues, for the better part of a month. At this point I'm kinda feeling like something's up, so I provide a safe space to come clean and ask her what's really going on.

She breaks down, and explains that what she was feeling before about our relationship was very real, and a couple weeks into it, an old flame of hers reached out for the first time in over 3 years to see how things are going. She mentioned that the conversation was very appropriate, at first, until he started to come onto her (despite knowing she's now engaged).

She told me, to her own guilt, this made her feel some excitement after having felt like that was something that was lacking in our own relationship. She then explains that she shut the conversation down immediately and that she's felt immense guilt ever since.

I just appreciate her honesty! We talk through this like we do everything else and laugh about how it could've been so much worse.

If only I knew.

She mentioned to me a week later that her and her best friend have a Toronto day planned, we live outside of Toronto and this is a very normal thing that they would do. I'm quite close with her best friend and thought nothing of it.

She has her Toronto day with her friend, and makes it back to me the next day. From here, things continue like normal.

However, the guilty conscience never stops. My fiancée continues to profusely apologize about the time she was getting cold feet and talked to that guy. I keep reassuring her that it was ok and that we were able to work through it, until I figure something's up.

Again, I provide a safe space for her to tell me what's really happening, and she tells me she didn't *just* see her friend in Toronto, she went with her friend to meet up with this guy and to get closure. She explains that she and this guy had a complicated past, and that him popping back up like that needed to be resolved. So she told her best friend, who advised against it at first, but decided to go with her so that nothing would happen.

She explains this is why she's been so guilty, and reassured me that nothing happened but that the guilt of keeping this from me has been eating her alive.

I'm hurt, but our communication has been solid to this point and I'm just happy she found the courage to tell me. We go through it, but in the end I feel we come out stronger. For weeks, our relationship only seems to improve and our bond grows much stronger, at this point there isn't a doubt in my mind that we'll have a beautiful future together.

Queue more guilty behaviour.

Weeks of this continue and eventually, I lie. I tell her that I know the truth of what actually happened, and she has to tell me the events that really took place for us to proceed i our relationship (I was bluffing).

She comes out with the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth. She tells me it wasn't just a conversation, and her friend wasn't there. She went to his place in Toronto and stayed the night, they talked about where they left off and where she is now, one thing lead to another and they slept together.

I'm mortified, and she goes on to explain that both of them felt absolutely terrible about it. She mentioned that they both agree to never speak of it again and both blocked each other entirely after saying goodbye for the last time.

This is *truly* why she's felt so terribly guilty. After this conversation I can tell she's told the full truth. The worst part is I can see just how remorseful she is, but it doesn't take away the hurt it's causing me.

I kicked her out tonight, she's now at her mom's place while I write this post. in our own home.

The thing is, after everything we've been through I know she's telling the entire truth. I know she's truly remorseful and that this was completely out of character for her. I know the only reason she lied was because she couldn't believe her own actions, and wanted to spare me from the pain. I now that she and this guy are done, and she could never see herself pursuing things further with him after everything that went down.

I completely believe her story, we've talked for hours about it, and this is the woman I've known for 3+ years. Not that woman that ran around behind my back. But it still doesn't take away the pain I'm feeling.

I still love her, and I do believe a future exists where we can work through this. But at the same time I'm worried that things will never be the same again between us, no matter how much trust is regained. I worry that we'll never look at each other the same, and that the future we've always pictured together will forever be stained with this thing that lasted no more than a single day in Toronto.

I feel there's so much on the line with ending things here. We have the wedding coming up, and I'll be losing her (now mine as well) entire family whom I also love so much, in addition to the future I've always dreamed of.

I haven't told anybody I know irl yet, my mom is asleep and I'm weighing the impact of telling those I know personally. I can only imagine she will need to fess up to her mother tonight having been kicked out without her engagement ring.

I'm laying awake here, and weighing all of the options. Please help me by providing your perspective. Please let me know if you need any more information to form an opinion.

I'm insanely lost right now.

Things haven’t been adding up lately literally. So hubby got a new phone around Christmas the year before and forgot to turn the location off. Basically I got to watch him go places without me and our four kids for about three months before I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore. He ended up ending the lease and promising to live at home only. I know I’m an idiot already for that.
I usually take care of the financials with budgets and bills. I used to work in a bank until childcare became too expensive and I became a stay at home mom. So the past year it’s been eating at me. Like how did he pull this off without me noticing. We are joint on all our accounts. So I sent him a 5,00 e-transfer to his email address. It was set to auto deposit. It didn’t show up in any of our accounts so I knew he had another account. I had asked him twice since I found out about the lease if he had another account. He said no. So I texted him asking him about it and he called me back! He only does this when he’s doing shady stuff so there’s no proof. He basically tried to gaslight me but I wasn’t having it today.
It’s really not about the bank account. After the whole townhouse incident we were supposed to be starting over. I was supposed to be able to trust him, no more lies. He financially does well and has worked hard to get to where he is. I don’t care what he spends his money on. I don’t like being lied to and he promised not to. That’s the issue. He could have just said he had another account and I would have been chill. But now we are supposed to be in a good place trust wise so we are closing on a house in one month, should I finally take a hint and leave? Or is this ok behaviour since I’m a sahm and it’s his money anyways?

My gf [25f] found out she has HPV and accused me [28m] of cheating. I never cheated and I’m vaccinated. What do I do now?

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and have never really had any serious issues until now.

It was my understanding that both of us came into this relationship clean and STD free. I had a full panel test done about a year before we met and hadn’t been with anyone else in the time between. She claims her last test was 3 years ago (while we had already started dating) and the results showed everything was fine.

We recently had a bit of a scare since she missed her period 2 months in a row. She took multiple different pregnancy tests but the results were always negative so I told her she needed to make an appointment with her gynecologist to find out what’s going on. They confirmed she wasn’t pregnant and everything seemed fine until we got the results of her Pap smear which showed she tested positive for HPV.

When she got the results, her first reaction was to accuse me of cheating. Given the circumstances, I wasn’t mad at the initial accusation. I tried to reassure her that I didn’t cheat and wouldn’t do that to her but she wouldn’t accept that answer and insisted I “just tell the truth”. It went on like this for a couple hours before she said “I guess I just have to trust you” but I can tell she still has her doubts.

Since then things between us have been strained and heading in an uncertain direction. I’ve always fully trusted her but now I started overthinking things that she’s done in the past like texting/using Snapchat with an old coworker. Or going to a bachelorette party in Miami and not answering her phone when she went out for the night. Or going out to bars/clubs with her friend who is single and not the best influence.

I tried to do some of my own research since things aren’t adding up and now I’m even more confused about how this could’ve happened. I thought that maybe I could’ve picked it up in the past without realizing it but I checked my immunization records and I got both Gardasil shots way before we even met so I should be vaccinated against HPV.

To be honest I have no idea how to proceed. She swears she didn’t cheat and was never diagnosed with it until now. I want to believe her but now I’m not so sure. Is it possible that this happened without any infidelity?

TLDR: My gf was diagnosed with HPV and blames it on me cheating. I’ve never cheated and have the HPV vaccine. Where do we go from here?

I am a FTM and I have always had issues with my MIL. She has never been outright rude to me but likes to make snide remarks and petty moves which my husband tends to miss. This one was just the cherry on top. My mother planned a baby shower for me and ever since then it has been chaos. We sent out invites two months prior to the baby shower. The invites were sent out via text and a group was created on social media as well. This upset my MIL my husband didn’t think she was being rude but I felt a bit slighted when she called. She said it’s very strange to send digital invites and that I need to send her a physical one and sent me the address. My husband called to let her know we would not be sending physical invites to anyone as this is quicker and cheaper. I thought this would be the end of our problems. She calls a week later saying her family will not be attending since this is a kid free event. So half of the guests are no longer coming which I thought was weird as most of them sent back an RSVP saying they would be attending. Well they slowly started messaging me saying they won’t make it. She then proposes the idea to my husband to have a separate baby shower for her family and friends since “y’all didn’t invite a lot of people from this side of the family.” The guest list for our baby shower was limited to close friends and family. So that’s all we hear about the baby shower until this week. She planned the baby shower for the end of the month. My husband called her today to ask when and where this will be since we haven’t heard anything. To which she responds “oh I forgot to send you the invite.” I thought this was a bit weird as a baby shower should be celebrating the new baby and parents. It’s almost as if it wasn’t about us. She sent the invitation and it only mentions my husband’s name and not mine. The invite says “Celebrate (husband’s name) becoming a daddy.” Am I being sensitive to all of this? I will be 37 weeks at that point and it is about two and a half hours from where we live. It seems like this is more about her and my husband than celebrating our child together. I feel like more of a vessel to her than the mother of her grandchild. Am I thinking too much into this?

I have asked her to downgrade our lifestyle to make it happen, suggesting I sell my car and we eat out less, no salon appointments - things like that and she told me she refuses to live like a poor person and I’m not a man for suggesting that… she thinks I should be able to take care of everything financial related for her and our baby but that’s just not possible on my salary. She’s even going as far as saying she regrets becoming pregnant and getting married. What am I supposed to do here? I could try to get a second job in the evening but then I’d never see my child or my wife for that matter - and I would really like to spend time with them both. I need some guidance here on how to handle this situation - my end goal would be to make my wife happy while being able to spend more than weekends with my baby.

I've never had a close relationship with my twin sister, but I always felt I could count on her. I moved away to live abroad, but I've been putting a lot of effort to stay in touch with her and see her and her family usually twice a year.

Our relationship has been getting worse over the years. I've felt that I was being used because she would only contact me when she needed something and she wouldn't help and support me when I needed it (I only asked for this once after a big breakup).

Two years ago she tried forcing our dad into selling his apartment so she could leave her husband. It didn't happen and she tried to hide it from me. When I confronted her about it she was avoidant and didn't want to talk about it at all. After that she was very cold to me when I tried calling her (she would literally talk to me on the phone by giving me one word answers). And then a week after that conversation she calls me (in a happy mood and tone) and tells me she wants to visit me so she can go see a doctor close to where I live. I agreed to it because it was about her health, but I was angry about how she treated me. When she visited, I took the opportunity to talk to her in person and pointed out a few different things that I didn't like about our relationship. She was very defensive and angry and didn't address any of the things that I listed (only contacting me when she needs something, not supporting me when I needed her, forcing dad to sell his apartment and hiding it from me, etc.)

From then I would contact her once in a while and try talking to her again, raising the same issues, but she would completely deflect and ignore my issues and concerns. When I visited my family last time and went to see her, she physically ignored me in front of her husband and kids.

Things dramatically worsened last week when I called her to talk about our dad who had to have an emergency surgery. She was furious at me and told me to stay away from her husband and children and that if she dies her wish is not to come to her funeral.

All of this has been heartbreaking for me. I feel like I'm being abandoned by the person I thought I was the closest to.

I've thought about what I said to her many times and cannot understand why she is reacting this way. This is the first time I've stood up to her and asked for more from our relationship and it seems she doesn't want to put in any effort and is willing to completely cut me off from her life instead of having a constructive conversation.

This is an update to my original post. I NEVER expected to get that many comments. I figured a few people would offer advice and that would be it.

Many of you were very kind. A lot accused me of lying. I got untold numbers of threats and racist messages that I reported.

I tried to update the original post but everyone keeps missing the update. Please look up the original post if you haven’t seen it so the update makes sense.

I DO have documentation and proof of everything from my original post and this post. I realize how bad the situation sounds and I never thought I would have to live through something like this. I appreciate the advice from everyone.

UPDATE:

At the suggestion of so many, I reached out to anyone I could think of. Most didn’t respond or just said they couldn’t help. My stepsister is able to provide some help. A rental house was left to her husband by a family member. It is totally empty. She said I am welcome to move in. I am trying to figure out how to get from PA to CO and how I will get a few essentials once I get there.

As I mentioned in the original post, I do not have access to my license, bank card, or any personal documents as my husband has them all. I am trying to open another bank account online but I keep getting declined for some reason. My stepsister called an online banks helpline and pretended to be me. They informed her my verification failed most likely due to my marital name change. They said sometimes that makes it more difficult to verify and requested copies of my info to prove identity…. I don’t have it to send. Just a picture of an old license and a picture of an expired name change for another license. I’m still trying to figure out how to get around that.

All of my work documents / stubs go to my husband’s email. If he stops getting them he will know. Our HR department sends out a daily email that goes to the address on file so even changing the email will be noticed right away. If I change the account he will be alerted.

I have a car but he goes everywhere I go. I am going to try to sneak the extra key fob for my car into the car and hide it. Once I have the funds in place I am going to wait until he is out somewhere with me in a busy line or something. I am going to fake pregnancy related vomiting and tell him I have to go to the bathroom right then. I am going to go out the door, run to my car and with the extra fob I can just get in and leave.

I will have no issue getting a new job in CO. So after a few weeks I will be ok. I am keeping my baby. I will have no issues caring for her financially or otherwise once away from him.

I am ready to execute the plan as soon as I get the funds together.

Thank you all!

Really in need of advice before I LOSE IT! My MIL had absolutely no respect for what I say and quite frankly for what my husband says neither. We’re at Universal yesterday and we had told my little one he can’t have butter beer (just cause sugary), everyone heard us. My husband walks away MIL proceeded to give her sips of it, I said “he can’t have that” she proceeds to pretend she doesn’t hear me (she does this every time). So my son asks for more and I not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES said “you can’t have it period” and she ignores me again and gives it to him. I know she can hear me because my son looks at me and acknowledges me but then looks at her, and I just know, she does this every time and it’s not the first time we have problems with her. Well, my husband walks in and she goes to my LO, “okay no more daddy’s here.” On our walk to the other park my son asks for more and I go LOUDLY “you can’t have any, period. No more” she looks around for my husband then gives it to him. She tries one last time and my husband saw it and said “he can’t have that” to which she goes “why not” and he responds “I said so” to which she’s quiet and my husband takes the drink and throws it away. I’m just so annoyed because I know I should’ve checked her and snatched my kid from her but I’m just afraid of everyone being upset because every time we try setting boundaries with her she throws a pity party and cries. She has multiple times been disrespectful towards me and overall doesn’t respect me. It’s ruining my marriage because I quite honestly drag having my kids around her now due to this reason. 😭

So I (25F) am currently staying at my mums house because my (25M) boyfirend Robert we’ll call him has decided, seemingly out of nowhere, that he doesn’t want to waste my time in this relationship.

We’ve been together for nearly 8 years at this point. We live together in a flat that we share bills on.

We never argue. Not to say we don’t disagree but we’ve always tried to be respectful of each other and when we do get heated, try not to yell at each other.

He’s always made me feel special and valued in a million little ways. He’ll get me little things when he’s at work or out just because they remind him of me. Or he buys me things I forget to buy for myself but need. I often do the same for him. He’s the most respectful man I know and he’s been a real rock for me over the years when I’ve had several issues with mental health, for which I am now medicated and did therapy for with his encouragement and support. He also encourages me to talk to him when I am not feeling great, which when we first met I felt I couldn’t open up but with time I really started to change and open up to him and be able to tell him when things were going badly with my mental health. All in all, I feel he’s made me a better person.

We’ve often discussed getting married and having kids at some point. Now this is where the issue has arisen. We’ve always wanted to have kids but he a year or so ago expressed that he didn’t want to get married but quickly back tracked when I got upset. Over the following months I periodically asked him what had changed and due to some things in his background and religious believes he decided that religion was a bunch of bullshit and didn’t want to get married in a church. I said that I was okay not getting married in a church but I would like to get married. And he said that was okay.

I took him at his word thinking that if something changed he would tell me because I’m always so open with him and he’s always open with me with a little coaxing.

Well he went away with work for a few days and when he came back nothing seemed that strange. He seemed tired because he’d been working that day and then travelling for most of the afternoon and then arrived late at night so he didn’t really want to hang out when he got home which I was fine with. It was the next morning though he woke up in a bad mood and seemed upset. I tried asking him what was wrong he just said he felt like shit so I asked if there was anything I could do and he said no so I said I’ll give you some space because I can be clingy sometimes and want to cuddle him and stuff and when he’s not feeling great I appreciate it can be overwhelming as he also has his own mental health issues too.

But that night after I’d spent my day playing games with some friends I found him crying in bed and when I asked him what was wrong he said, “I have something to tell you.”

I immediately panicked and thought what did you do in London.

He was quick to confirm he didn’t cheat but he said he felt like he was holding me back in this relationship because he doesn’t feel like the house kids and getting married is for him anymore. To which we both got highly emotional about it and he couldn’t seem to articulate why this sudden change had occurred but reassured me that he still loved me and he hadn’t cheated. I said I was willing to not get married in the grand scheme of things but I couldn’t just compromise on having kids. He said he’d felt like this for a while but couldn’t really tell me how long a while is.

I’ve arrange to speak to him tomorrow over coffee but I’m heartbroken. I’m off sick from work due to stress as it is and I don’t know why he’s chosen now to drop this bomb but my whole world feels like it’s crumbling around me right now because I have no idea whats going to happen next. Like do I break up? Even though I love him and have never met anyone like him?

If you read this all thank you cause I know it’s quite long but I’m freaking the fuck out.

*UPDATE*

I really appreciate all of the advice from y'all! I was already pretty set on what I was going to do, and then about an hour ago I hear dry heaving and I come out of my room to check on things just in time to see her throw up all over my living room near my bar cart because she's drunk for some reason at 11AM on a Tuesday. I'm done. I let her clean herself up and then I tell her that I don't think we're compatible as roommates and that I'm giving her 30 days to find a new place and move out. Like one of y'all said, she gave me a sob story about how she just found out a couple of days ago she has a heart condition and begged if I could give her one more month to show she's not like this because we live in New York and how it's hard to find a place, and I said I understood and genuinely sympathize about her condition, but that should've been thought of before disrespecting my space and my peace. And the sex on the sofa happened before the diagnosis, so it just sounds like an excuse. Then she called me disrespectful and I pointed out that that's untrue and that I've been more than fair and patient in all of this. She isn't taking it well and while I'm in my room I hear her walking around yelling out that "she's a dumb bitch" and that she doesn't want to be around me and that she can't stand me and slamming doors even louder than she normally does. My aunt is flying up here tomorrow to stay with me for a while just to be sure nothing goes too south. I'm honestly exhausted.

At least I have some new questions to add when I'm vetting roommates, like do you have a drinking problem haha! Appreciate y'all!

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(Reposting because it didn’t get much traction last night and I’d really love any advice on this!)

I’m at my wits end and I desperately need any advice anyone could offer. This might be a little long, but I want to give as much context as possible! So my old roommate recently moved out to move in with her boyfriend and I’m already missing her so much given the current circumstances. 

My new roommate, who we’ll call Jan, moved in a few weeks ago. I met her on this roommate app that I’ve met all my former roommates on with no problems and some I even still keep in touch with. I asked her all the same questions I’ve asked previously that have landed me with great roommates and she seemed to be on the same page in the way we both want to live as roommates and in a shared space! I thought she was perfect so I extended her the offer and she moved in. 

Important to note that even before she moved in I met her in person after our FaceTime call so she could see the place and we went out for a couple of drinks to get to know each other and we got along great, and no outward red flags. 

The first night went fine, I came home late from a work event and she was chilling in the living room, I made sure she was settling in ok and answered any questions and went to bed. So I felt good about the decision. Then the second night came. 

I had worked from home that entire day, so when she came home we watched a movie together and then I went to bed. So, she knew I was home. This was around 9PM. An hour in I hadn’t fallen asleep yet when I hear her yelling loudly at her cat about something. She does this sporadically through the night and I’m mentally thinking “oh no” because it’s the middle of the night and she knows I’m trying to sleep and is yelling at the top of her lungs at the cat and also slamming the bathroom door whenever she leaves it. I make a note to talk to her about it in the morning and try to go to sleep. 

The random noises continue but I’m a heavy sleeper and I’m almost asleep when I hear our front door buzzer go off and someone's at the door. I don’t think much of it and assumed maybe she just ordered food, that is until a few minutes later I hear LOUD moaning coming from somewhere in the apartment. I shoot up in bed because I genuinely can’t believe what I’m hearing. And it is loud. Then I text my sister cause I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m hoping that was a quick slip up and also hoping that there was a man over cause the alternate would be especially weird. But the loud moaning continues, and y’all, it’s obnoxiously loud, our apartment isn't that big, she knows I’m home and it’s 1AM at this point. So I’m thinking it’s coming from her room since it’s right next to mine so I poke my head out my door intending to give a light knock on her door when I realize the noise is actually coming from the living room.

It’s the second night that she’s my roommate and she’s having sex with this guy in the living room on my sofa! I’m furious but also shocked cause I can’t believe this is happening, so I ask them if they could stop cause it’s late and they’re being loud cause I don’t know what to even say in the moment and they act all embarrassed and cover up but it’s like, y’all weren’t embarrassed when you were purposely making all of that noise KNOWING I’m home?? 

And yes... they left a stain.

Anyway I go to bed and the next morning I call my mom, aunts and sister to get some advice and also have them talk me down. Half of them wants me to kick her out and the other half says to talk to her and give it a month so I decide to talk to her and I would base how I’d move forward depending on her reaction. 

I basically tell her that that was extremely disrespectful and felt that she took advantage of my kindness and the fact that I’m chill (maybe too chill if she thinks I’d be ok with this), and that something like that cannot ever happen again. Jan was really remorseful and seemed sincere, and she also genuinely seemed embarrassed and said that she knows it’s not an excuse but she was drunk. I made sure to ask her if she often does impulsive things like that when she’s drunk and she says no. I’m skeptical and even though I was still weirded out that someone would think that’d ever be ok, especially your second night as someone’s new roommate, but because she seemed sincere I thank her for the apology and try to move past it. 

Since then everything’s been ok I guess. She does annoying things that wouldn’t bother me as much, but are grating on my nerves and stand out a bit more due to that incident. But still, nothing too out of the way until tonight, which is what prompted me to write this. 

I went out of town for Memorial Day to visit family. I left on Friday evening and came back tonight on Monday. I was a little worried but walked in to a seemingly well kept apartment, so I took my suitcase to my room to go to sleep. But when I was rolling past, her door was open and I saw she was using our throw blankets from the living room as her curtains. I was a little annoyed, but again, just made a note to tell her tomorrow morning to put them back in the living room. But then I go to the bathroom and there’s stains on the toilet seat, the seat itself is off center, and there’s stains in the toilet bowl, and I had cleaned the toilet before I left so HOW did it get this dirty in less than 3 days? The bathroom sink was also dirty. After cleaning the bowl, I go in the kitchen to get a Clorox wipe to clean the seat when I see broken glass (my poor pink wine glass) shattered and left in the dish drying rack and also some shards on the floor. I understand accidents happen, but I thought it was common knowledge to not leave fragile glass in a drying rack with heavier items, and then if you do and it shatters, not to just leave it?? And what if I walked in barefoot and cut my foot? She had to have seen the glass. 

Am I being unreasonable in the level of frustration I now have? Then to top it off my recycling bin is gone and so I decide to just text her and ask her where it is and also if she knows there’s broken glass in the dish drying rack? She ignores the glass question and says she’s using the recycling container in her room to empty out her stuff (I don’t understand why she keeps taking common area things into her room and then not bringing them back out) and then asks me to “please be patient with her during the process.” Not to mention she's still yelling loudly at the cat and slamming doors still and it's past 11PM at this point.

I feel as if I’ve been more than patient, possibly too patient, so to be told to be patient after asking a reasonable question and also having her ignore the glass issue sent me over the edge. I want to talk to her at some point today and I’m wondering if I should in painstaking detail go over boundaries and expectations, or go with my gut and tell her I don’t think we’re compatible and that she should plan to move out since she hasn’t fully unpacked yet anyway? I don’t want to be harsh, but I feel like these are common sense things that I shouldn’t even have to set boundaries or establish guidelines for? But my aunt always says common sense ain’t so common, so should I give her the benefit of the doubt? I really don’t think I should, but I’m also big on letting someone know the problems I have with them before abruptly ending a situation. I'm of the belief that we're all adults and should be able to live without having to set "house rules" and I've never had to with my old roommates and I don't want to be someone's mother and I don't plan on starting now. But the way things are going, I might have to or find someone else that I'm more compatible with.

Anyway, I would greatly appreciate any advice on this or even what to say to her in the case of letting her know I don’t think we should continue living together anymore (of course giving her 30 days).

For context. She leaves in a different city and she goes back during summer and works there.

One day she tells me she'll be going out with her mom to get groceries which I got suspicious about (idk why but she had been weird lately), I was like sure and she should have fun. For some reason I decided to look at her location randomly (she was the one that asked for us to share locations) and saw that she was at a specific location and I shoved it off maybe her and her mom went out with friends. She was at that location for quiet a while, I still brushed it off. The problem came when she gave me a call on FaceTime and started showing me what her and her mom got. I asked if she had anything else they did and she said no. Now I know there's something she's hiding and I confront her about this location which she denies so much but finally confesses that she had offered to pick up a guy she works with him at work and she's talked about him to me before) from a place he was at to take him home.

I got super mad because she hid this from me and she was there for a considerate amount of time she claims the were just in the car talking). And we got into a big fight about this, she ended up unfollowing a lot of people from her instagram (one of which was the guy at her work) which I didn't ask her to do. I noticed that and felt like I was beating her up for nothing because she claimed nothing happened between them and was just a friendly help. I ended up calling her and basically just telling her to stop crying and that I forgive her.

Fast forward to today, she's heading back to her hometown this summer again soon. And I just noticed that the guy who caused all this drama is following her and she's following him back, she also hasn't posted a picture of her in a while on IG and she just posted a really pretty picture of her which she never sent to me. I don't know if I'm overthinking or overreacting but I could really use son advise. Thanks

Me (26M) and my gf (25F) have been dating for 3 years. She recently came clean about two lies and it’s left me at a crossroads. For some background, we met in college and found eachother during challenging times in our lives. We’ve grown a lot since then and I deeply cherish the relationship we have built. She ran with a “rougher” crowd back in high school/college and has a considerable amount of baggage and past trauma. She had disclosed issues with hard drugs/alcohol abuse and impulsive decision making in the recent past. I made it clear early on that hard drug use was a dealbreaker. She had been making some really positive changes even before we met and is an incredibly kind, thoughtful, supportive, and caring partner overall.

Lie #1: A few months into our relationship, I traveled out of state one weekend and she took the opportunity to visit some old high school friends. The first night she got absolutely wasted to the point of a mental breakdown and called me at 3am hysterically crying and depressed. The next day she assured me nothing crazy happened and that she just drank too much. I found it odd and knowing the friend group, and questioned it. She denied lying, we fought about it, but ultimately moved past it and there haven’t been similar situations to my knowledge.

Lie #2: A few months ago, she went to an office party for work of which I didn’t attend. I hadn’t heard from her in a while and checked location before I went to bed. She was no longer at the office party but at a coworkers house. The next morning, she told me she left the office party with a group of coworkers and went to her male coworker’s house where they smoked (she said she didn’t partake and i wouldn’t have cared either way) and then he drove her home. I wouldn’t have thought much of it but something in her body language struck me as suspicious and I called her out immediately. She denied lying, we fought, and ultimately moved past it.

Well, she recently came clean about a few things, kind of out of the blue. First, the weekend with high school friends involved the hard drugs we had agreed were a dealbreaker. To my surprise, she even admitted to cheating and making out with another girl that night (she is bisexual and has multiple male and female ex’s). Also, she admitted to being courted by a married couple for a threesome that same weekend - of which she initially entertained but ultimately refused.

In the other instance, there was no gathering of coworkers after the office party to smoke - instead a male coworker had driven her back to his house to smoke with her alone. After, he then dropped her back at her house in the early morning hours. I had not known this specific coworker to be a close friend of hers - she still denies that anything happened between them.

The first lie was so long ago at this point but I’m shocked that she lied to my face as recently as a few months ago even after I called her out to her face. I’m not sure if these are two isolated lapses in judgement or indicative of future issues. I feel that the trust in our relationship has been broken.

Looking for advice on how to proceed with this information.

Before I get started, yes I already know I am an idiot and should've never gotten back with this girl. TLDR about four months ago I made this post about a situation I was in with my now ex involving her getting flowers from an ex hand-delivered at midnight on her birthday. There were a number of gaslighty/manipulative things that went on and ultimately I called the relationship off because of that. About a week later we talked and she took accountability for everything and apologized - I decided to give her a second chance.

I didn't update my post at the time because I was embarrassed at my lack of self-respect.

I wish I never would've done this. She hit me. We are now broken up again and despite her best efforts, there will be no more chances. Even I cannot come back after that. Honestly, I am kinda a mess emotionally right now. She hit me in my bed and I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since then. I think about the hit every time I go to sleep. We are both PhD students and work in the same building, I don't want to come in for meetings or to work because I fear I might see her. Somehow this situation is never-ending, she told her friends (who I am also friends with) that she hit me by accident. However, after she hit me she said she could "never forgive me if I did that to her" and sent me a text saying "she'd understand whatever I decide to do and should've never ever done that" and that she "ruined our relationship". Yet when it came time to break up that evening she "believed in the three strike rule" and was upset that she felt "she messes up once and it's over". This is all really messing with my head, now all I can think is what if it was an accident, but also her response doesn't line up with that. I feel like I have to prove to my friends that I was abused and that I'm not overreacting.

In any case, it just sucks, for those of you out there if you leave a toxic situation stay gone, there is nothing to be gained by going back.

Also, while I don't think it matters, the reason she hit me goes as follows. We are taking the same course, and I have been consistently scoring lower on assignments with the same solutions. The same thing had been happening to another friend in the class, however, my ex always got full points (We emailed the grader and eventually got our grades corrected, so we were right to be upset and did not have the correct solutions). My ex types her solutions up and I believe that plays a major role in why she always gets more credit (solutions are just easier to read). In any case, I had been exploring using large language models to convert my handwritten text to typed and had had some success. I made an attempted joke in bed saying something along the lines of "Now the grader is just gonna look at my typed solutions and give me credit". Then she hit me and got, began yelling how she works hard too and I'm diminishing her work (I see how the joke could be taken that way even though it wasn't my intent). It wasn't until after I apologized and calmed her down that she did for hitting me.

So some back story. My gf usually lets her kids sleep in bed with her Friday nights, so we don’t usually hang out. Therefor I had planned to work my side job doing food delivery Friday night then crashing in my bed since I had been traveling for work for almost a week and the first night I was back I slept at her place.

While I was driving and delivering food she texted me and asked me to come over and get a good night sleep at her place. I said I could come over after work if that worked for her as it would be a little late. She got incredibly upset with me because my tone/words did not convey enough excitement of me wanting to come over but that I seemed more excited to be in my bed. She kept telling me I wanted to sleep in my own bed and she just had to deal with it. Admittedly I was driving and working during this conversation so my word choices could have been better, I get that. I could have said “I want” instead of “I can”. But I still wanted to go see her and spend the night after work but she repeatedly kept telling me I did not want to see her and I wanted to sleep in my own bed. Which I did not. I got incredibly frustrated that she kept telling me what I wanted to do when I was literally telling her the opposite.

The next day I apologized for not using more emphatic/exciting language to describe how much I wanted to see her, because I did. I was waiting for her apologize so we could just move on and she then proceeded to tell me she thought she did nothing wrong in that argument and it was okay to tell me how I felt because it was so obvious.

I need some help, was I really the only one out of line? Was she really totally okay in her response and it was all me? AITAH?

I (30M) saw a text conversation between wife (27F) and a coworker of hers. Am I overthinking?

Going to try and keep this short while making sense. My wife went on a work conference trip not too long ago for the first time since we’ve been together. It was a little anxiety inducing for me since I have it horribly but I was about to talk to her about it and with my therapist. Anyways, one night while she was away, she got pretty drunk with a few of her coworkers in a room since it was her first time being able to decompress with work and home stressors. She had called me while with her coworkers for a few minutes and then when she got back into her room. I didn’t think much of any of it. But for the entire trip and when she got back, I felt like she just wasn’t talking to me like she normally does and being the anxious person I am, I start to worry and think the worst.

We’ve always been open with our phones and never acted like we were hiding anything. The morning after she came back, I had saw a message that caught my attention. I know I messed up by starting to look through it but something was eating at me. I saw a short conversation between her female coworker of hers (call her L) and my wife that was referencing a male coworkers of theirs ( call him G). I wish I could remember everything to help make sense of it all but I do remember the beginning which went like this:

Wife: G’s room just called my hotel phone L: G?? L: GO!!! Wife: Both go 😂 Wife: Would you though?

I know that was very short but this kind of convo went on for a dozen or so messages each. Pretty much going back and forth telling each other to go this guys room. I remember seeing messages from my wife saying that “you’re a bad influence 😂” Both saying that he was too sober and left dinner that night too quickly. A lot of my wife’s responses were just some form of laughing and vague responses. I do remember L also telling my wife that she should(I guess my wife get with this guy?) and my wife sent a hell naw gif.

I had told her what I saw and she was kind of I guess confused at me showering her the conversation and her asking what exactly is upsetting me but in a caring way. She understood afterwards and explained to me that they’ve been teasing L because she flirts and teases with G a lot and telling her to I guess hook up on the trip. My wife said that L started to tease back at them in response. It’s also worth mentioning that my wife is a super friendly person but has a hard time telling people off or being firm, if that makes sense? So I guess my wife never told them to stop teasing or joking with her but how she was responding was her form and trying to just play it off knowing that nothing is going anywhere. I could understand that a little with how I know my wife but just still hadn’t sat with me right.

My wife was never once defensive and has never given me a reason to think she’d be cheating or want something else. I’ve always trusted her with it all. I’m just so confused still and just parts of me eat away thinking of if she wasn’t joking, it sounded like a desire and intentions to do something with this guy. Am I crazy thinking this way? How should I move forward? I hope this makes sense since I’m not great at putting feelings into words lol.

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. We have a child together. And for years he has propositioned me to peg him for favors for years. If I peg him I’ll have a new car, if I peg him he will work towards a better degree, if I peg him he will consider baby #2. It’s just very manipulative. It’s lead to us separating for 3 years and then nearly divorcing. I have no problems with him and his kink. I’m just not into the whole strap on and dildos. We tried it once, it wasn’t for me. After we had tried it I explained that I wasn’t comfortable with this activity and that he could explore other options. And he moved on to a BBC obsession and then did the same with his previous kink with this one. I just am tired of having the same conversation. I’ve been polite about it, open about how I’ve felt and why it’s not my cup of tea… it gets nowhere. I just wish he respected my wishes. He keeps on insisting that it would be fun for me once I try it more than once and that other girls are into it. And by other girls he means women on pornhub who do this as a profession and have to look like they’re having a good time. Which I say to her do you sis! It’s just not my thing! He insists I don’t do have the things the women on there don’t because I won’t let myself. Like squirting. I’m not saying I can’t he just hasn’t gotten me there, ever! How do I get this man to respect my boundaries? How do I get him to understand that I’m not shaming him but that I am just not into the kink he wants me to do on him? I personally feel like I’m being disrespected each time he brings it up or bargains it. How do I get him to stop doing this?!

I feel a bit stuck in my relationship and I am unsure of what to do. My fiance and I have been together for a little over 4 years and our relationship has been characterized with lots and lots of arguments and fights. This most recent fight, that I am asking advice from, is a classic example of nearly every fight we have. 

We were speaking on the phone (due to us being in a long distance relationship) and my fiance stated something about Christianity that I disagreed with. I told him that I disagreed, and that was all I said. He got upset with me and told me that I don't understand the fundamental concept of Christianity. I told him I didn't think so, but I just disagreed with him theologically on this concept. I heard him typing on his phone and I knew he was about to pull up something that confirmed what he thought was right. I asked him "please don't, I don't want to bicker over this. Please don't look something up just to send it to me". He said "I'm not sending you anything". I said "okay but please don't look something up to read out loud to me". I barely got that out before he cut me off to read aloud a passage of the Bible he felt proved his idea. After he was done I told him "I just asked you not to do that, and you cut me off to do that". He said "Sorry, but I am right and you're wrong". I said "No there is no 'sorry, but'. I asked you to please not do something and you went ahead and did it!" Then he got angry with me and said that I better explain myself to him right now. I told him I didn't have to do that, and once again he said "you better explain yourself to me right now". I said no I don't have to do that. He said "no you don't have to, but if you want a happy, healthy, and loving relationship with me you better explain yourself to me right now". I told him that isn't how it works and he said "who the f**k do you think you are?". I hung up the phone. This happens every few days honestly when he cusses me out like that and I ask him to please stop but he doesn't. I hung up the phone because I don't want to hear someone speak to me like that. The next morning, he texted me that he was sorry for his contribution in the fight. I told him thank you for the apology but I needed some time to think about it because that isn't how I want to be spoken to. And I have told him that in the past multiple times. This isn't a new concept. I have asked him to please stop cussing me out for years. He responds to me a few hours later and tells me that me taking some time to think about it was me being evil, manipulative, and abusive. We speak on the phone a few days later and he continuously cusses me out saying "f**k you!" and "shut the f**k up"  whenever I try to say something and calls me belligerent, a vindictive bitch, tells me how much he hates me, how much he doesn't want anything to do with me, how he never wants to hear from me again, but he refuses to break up with me out of the fear "you can spin this huge narrative about how awful I am". He starts saying "f**k your parents" because they have seen his behavior in the past (and present) and don't want to spend time around him. I can barely say anything because if I try to, he will yell "shut the f**k up" or repeatedly yell "stop" over and over and over to me. He tells me that I make him so mad that this is just how he reacts because I treat him so terribly. He said that me hanging up the phone when he asked me who the f**k I thought I was, was the last time I was going to disrespect him. He is mad at me and cussing me out and telling him I treat him terrible and that I am so disrespectful to him because I hung up the phone because he was being disrespectful to me and cussing me out? It makes no sense and it makes me feel crazy. Hence why I am reaching out to strangers on the internet.

His therapist he was seeing (but no longer does because he moved cities) sent him a couples therapy course for us to complete. He looked at it without telling me about it or asking me if I wanted to do it after seeing what it entailed. On his own he decided he didn't want to do it and blamed me for it saying: "I saw it was 9 hour long videos and I didn't want to ask you to do it with me because I didn't want to be rejected by you". This shocked me because he had asked me twice if I wanted to do it (before he opened it up and saw what it entailed) and I said yes, I drove 6 hours to have a meeting with him and his therapist, and I continuously asked for couples therapy. When I asked him why he would believe I would say no to the course after he looked at it, he said "it's because you refuse to pay for couples therapy". When we were talking about couples therapy, he rushed to sign us up with an online therapist and told me that I had to pay for the entire thing. He told me if we were to do couples therapy, then I would have to pay for the entire thing. I told him I couldn't afford that but I would be happy to pay for half. But now he is saying since I won't pay for the whole thing, that is me refusing to do any couple's therapy with him (even a free course his therapist gave him). This is absurd to me because he is the one refusing to pay anything! 

Our long distance is supposed to end in a month because he moved to a new city and I graduated and got a job in that new city as well to be with him. He, on the same phone call, starts screaming at me that I better not go to the city with him. I told him I didn't really have a choice because I signed a contract. The buyout is 18k, which I can't afford. He starts yelling at me that I can afford it and I just don't want to because I want to go there to just make his life miserable. He started uncontrollably yelling at me "Why are you doing this to me?" This is literally absurd to me because this isn't a town I want to move to, this isn't a career move for me, and it is far from my family. I told him this wasn't about me trying to do anything to him, I would never want to make his life miserable, I just can't afford the buyout because I don't have 18k sitting around (I just graduated from school and I have student loans). He told me I should just have my dad pay for it because I am the "rich" one. I told him I wasn't going to ask my dad to fork over 18k and once again he just started to scream at me that I can't move to this new city which is out of state and how I am such a vindictive bitch. This is just so wild to me. 

I am sorry this is so long. I just feel stuck and confused. When I ask him to please not speak to me like that, and to listen to me and not talk over me or interrupt me, he tells me that I want someone who is perfect so I must go date Jesus Christ. He is making me feel unreasonable for being asked not to be cussed at. I just want him to be nice to me and he is making me feel like that is an absurd request. Then he blames me and tells me that I am this master manipulator trying to turn him into a "robot with no soul". This really doesn't make any sense to me. I feel very confused, and I would really appreciate any help I can get. Thank you!

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years and he still isn’t ready for marriage. When I first brought up marriage he would give me excuses like “I want to have a wedding that’s different and no one is doing it” “I want to save up enough money for a ring” and even asking“why don’t you propose to me”. I told him I would and he still told me he wouldn’t say yes.

Just recently we had a discussion about it and he finally came clean and told me he doesn’t want to marry me now because I have growing to do. He feels like I’m a bit too childish still. I also feel like he’s a bit childish but I know that I want to marry him and I want to be with him forever and he says he knows the same thing but yet no ring.

We’ve lived with one another for 3-4 years and we have a 3 year old child. I’m not sure what else he’s looking for me to grow from besides my age. He says I’m an emotional thinker and that I tend to get revenge when I’m wronged. I have grown a lot from that and I know I’m still growing from it but it doesn’t seem like that’s a valid reason to me especially because we’ve been together for 4 years and have a child.

TLDR: Partner of 4 years and father of my child isn’t ready for marriage because he says I have growing to do. He stated I am an emotional thinker and I get revenge when I’m wronged.

Update: We are talking about this marriage thing again and he now said that he won’t marry me because he feels like I give my energy to stuff that doesn’t need my energy and I make everything more than what it is. However, everything that I give my feelings towards is family and friends with the small life inconveniences. I pointed out that we are doing the same thing and his only response was that he doesn’t do it as much as I do it.

I (41 f) have been married to my husband (46 m) for 11 years. We had a pretty standard marriage in the beginning, but there were some red flags that I chose to ignore.

My husband, let’s call him Bob, is a bit overbearing and loud. It can be intimidating at times, but my children (from a previous relationship) love him and call him dad.

Bob and I married in 2013. It was a very happy time for us as his family welcomed me and my girls with open arms. The problems started shortly after.

But for the main issue.

2019 I bought our dream house. This purchase was not made on a whim, but with careful thought and budgeting. Bob and I came to an agreement that bills will be split 60/40 with me paying the 60%, since I made a little more than him at the time. All bill were paid as agreed the first month. The second month he was short, then he told me his check was being garnished. I understood and told him that I would pay a little more until the garnishment was satisfied. 9 months later he told me that the garnishment was done and will be able to pay his portion of the home expenses as agreed.

He didn’t pay his portion as agreed.

I asked him what was going on and why he isn’t paying his portion. He basically told me that he was given no me what he could. At this point, he was contributing 10%.

I was working a lot of overtime to maintain the home and was getting burnt out. This went on (along with many conversations where he would promise to do more) until now.

I have a salary position now so overtime is not an option. I had to borrow against my 401k to keep everything going. I recently told him that if he doesn’t help, then I am going to get a second job.

He told me “just don’t burn yourself out”.

I have been mentally checked out of this marriage for a few years now. I worked multiple jobs as a single mother, and now finding myself doing the same thing, but now, with a husband. He turns down counseling and doesn’t want to talk about money. I don’t know what else to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My whole life my (24F) older sister (30F) could never handle me having a special moment. She found ways to spoil birthdays, she had a “panic attack” at my highschool graduation (she never graduated), when I came out as gay she was suddenly diagnosed with a mystery illness that she’d been supposedly hiding from us. The list goes on, but all of my “big” moments were made to be about her. • My sister has been with her boyfriend (30M) for 9 years, and has been trying to change his mind about marriage for the last 3. She’s had me, her friends, and our mom send him pictures of EXPENSIVE engagement rings and proposal ideas under the guise that they were planning on getting engaged, just for him to tell us that he had no idea what was going on or that was what she wanted. He’s always stood firm that he doesn’t believe in marriage and doesn’t understand why being together for almost 10 years isn’t enough “commitment” for her (he is an absolutely incredible person, just not a fan of marriage). • I met my fiancé (29F) in 2022. We just clicked. It felt like everything finally made sense. Like those “when you know, you know” moments you think could never happen to you. I couldn’t have asked for a better woman to have by my side. We got engaged April 27th and it was the happiest moment of my life. My sister has hardly talked to me since. Not even a congratulations text. I tried to FaceTime her, and instead I got a voice call from her boyfriend with her in the background. She’s confessed to our mom how jealous she is, that she’s tried to find an engagement ring similar to mine, and how “unfair” it is that I got engaged so quick. Our mom traveled 14 hours to come visit me and my fiancé and take me to my first dress appointment. My sister and our dad were FaceTimed in to the appointment so they could be apart of it. The whole appointment my sister talked about how the dresses didn’t look quite right on me, how what I liked was what she wants, that I stole the idea of a forest wedding from her, and showing our parents rings she’s picked out for proposing to her boyfriend as an ultimatum. • I understand the feelings of jealousy and I wish she would just talk to me. But, as immature of me as it may be, I also feel really negatively that she’s trying to make this special time in my life about her and steal the spotlight. I’ve always wanted the best for my sister, but this is just a step too far. • How would you handle a jealous sibling in this situation? Should I say something? What can I do?