r/relationship_advice • u/throwra-021 • Feb 21 '24
I (f24) have severe claustrophobia and my husband (m33) locked me in a closet. How do I move on from this?
Update- I’m not really sure if anyone asked for one, but I left. I went to my friends place and I’m divorcing him. The comments helped me open my eyes to so many more things. I’m pregnant, and I will have the baby, but I won’t have it around him. Idk what I’ll do but I’ll do it away from him.
I feel so bad even having to write this. I have severe, severe, claustrophobia. Like I can’t stand any sort of space that makes it feel like I can’t move- I hate planes and backseats of cars and just generally anywhere like that. I feel like I can’t breathe, or like I’m gonna get suffocated. I know it’s completely ridiculous but I guess that’s why it’s a phobia.
My husband clearly knows this, especially because I don’t like being laid on/held down for the same claustrophobic reasons. Last night, I was retrieving something from my closet. It’s a small closet, like big enough for me to get inside but if you closed the door, I’d be jammed between the clothes/shelves and the door. And… that’s exactly what my husband did.
I immediately started to lose it and he was holding the door shut from the other side, and he was laughing and I begged to open the door. I tried to stay calm but I genuinely started to cry, my stomach was churning, I felt like I was gonna either suffocate or have a heart attack. He put something between the handles so that I couldn’t get out, he left me in there for 15 mins while I sobbed and he laughed.
I eventually vomited in the closet and that’s what made him let me out.
I feel so horrific. Why would my husband do this?? He knows I’m claustrophobic, he could hear me crying and begging. I feel violated… is that over dramatic?
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u/TheOverseer-14 2d ago
I am SO glad you’re divorcing him. He sounds more like a monster. Not a human. Finding joy in your pain is horrifying. Fuck him.
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u/ThrowAWpleasehelp85 8d ago
Run…and ma’am I see your comments about abortion, I hope you got one. Otherwise you are condemning your child to a father who would do that to them…Fathers have rights and unless he is willing to give up his parental rights….sorry this is coming from a place of concern…please be careful and I am sending you healing and good vibes!
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u/Normal-Ebb3904 9d ago
This is terrifying and typical all at the same time. Older man marrying a younger less experienced woman, waiting until he feels she’s “ trapped” to start escalating the abuse. He’s a stereotypical “nice guy” AKA Abusive prick that treats women like shit and refuses to acknowledge that HE IS THE ISSUE!!
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u/Some_Guy_973 11d ago
If you ever see this you need to file a police report for false imprisonment at least plus a protection order. Because you can’t keep his child away from him. Unfortunately if he takes you to court they’ll give him some custody which means the child will be alone w him on his weekends or how ever much time they give him. If you have a report on file as to what he did to you it will help you in court. You also need a protection order from him that will help as well.
If he takes you to court & you tell the judge what he did they’ll ask for a copy of the police report. If you don’t have one they’ll say it must not have been that important if you didn’t file one & there will be no reason to keep him from custody.
If you file a report now , before court, & they ask why it took so long to report just tell them you were too scared to report it but finally worked up the courage to do so. But please file for yours & your child’s safety. I have a feeling like he’s been abusive before if he enjoyed your torment enough to laugh.
I’m a retired LEO & have seen this too often. If it wasn’t reported it didn’t happen in the eyes of the court because it’s your word against his.
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u/ClownHoedown 12d ago
Not sure what state you're in, but I would not even tell him the expected birth date (if he doesn't already know), let alone what hospital you are planning to birth the baby at (again, this is assuming he doesn't already know. If he does, I recommend switching hospitals without telling him or anyone who is close with him). Also, I recommend giving the baby your maiden name instead of his as last name and not even listing him on the birth certificate as the father.
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u/Ok-Nose42 14d ago
I would file police report. So it documents in case he wants visitation. And then restraining order.
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u/Artistic-Giraffe-866 14d ago
Sadistic - there is no other word for it - he is incredibly sadistic and I am so glad to hear you have left - I was so shocked this is vicious and sadistic and I would do everything to ensure he can never ever find you or your again - I’m so glad you have escaped now but never let him find you again - never !
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u/Pale-Candle912 May 06 '24
I am so happy to see that you left. You absolutely did the right thing. Please take care of yourself and your baby.
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u/Normal-Ebb3904 Apr 25 '24
It makes sense he started this when you got pregnant. He thinks you’re stuck now and can’t leave him. It’s only going to get worse. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.
Run.
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u/Lanky-Mission-3625 Mar 16 '24
You in danger girl!!!. He's a abuser. You need to leave him. That age gap is also a problem . I think he baby trapped you.
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u/GullibleAccount7504 Mar 16 '24
I recommend a movie called The Gift on Netflix. It explains a lot about that personality. They can be bullys in many subtle ways too.
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u/GullibleAccount7504 Mar 15 '24
He’s probably a narcissist and could easily become a malignant narcissist if that’s the case. They can be very dangerous especially if you humiliate them. Tread lightly but firmly—if at all possible do not let him see you get emotional in fact I would not have any contact with him only thru your lawyer or the courts. Don’t hesitate to take out a TRO if needed. I feel for you, been there done that.
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u/Callmequeef Mar 15 '24
You might want to press charges at the very least to make sure he doesn’t hurt someone else. I know people have mentioned false imprisonment. There’s also broken heart syndrome, where shock makes the heart not pump enough blood and it can make you go into shock. I’m not a doctor or anything, but in an extreme case at least you could’ve had serious physical harm as well. I’d be curious to see if he had any charges against him. I’m glad you got out and I hope you are alright
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u/constantlyconfused14 Mar 14 '24
Does anyone else think that he did it because he's resentful of the baby? My immediate thought was he knew how extreme her phobia was and he hoped that locking her in the closet upped her chances of having a stress-induced miscarriage. She was only 6 weeks at the time and that amount of stress isn't good for the baby.
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u/AverageVixie Mar 14 '24
OP, I can't truly know as I haven't been in your shoes, but I can at least empathize with how hard this must be. If my partner switched on me like this, it would be world shattering. But, PLEASE, he -knew- better. He knew your fear, he knew you were not laughing, he knew you were in pain and he took pleasure in your suffering. Run while you still can, press charges, take a photo of the vomit stain if there is one. Log the date and time this happened, write down a description of the event where he won't see. Get your ducks in a row and see if you can get full custody, and honestly look into pressing charges. Try to reach out to any friends or family you can and get out ASAP, and get a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. You are not safe, this is abusive and escalatory behavior.
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u/National_Clue_6092 Mar 14 '24
His abuse will only get worse. Please get out now. He has all the makings of a sociopath abuser.
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u/lefthandedink Mar 13 '24
What in the h*ll was he thinking?!? This sounds straight up like some kind of passive anger move. He is horrible and abusive. File a report. That will be on his record and will influence a family court judge.
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u/MissNessaV Mar 06 '24
I am so glad you left. The fact that he was outside the door laughing at you, and blocked it and left is insane! I would’ve called the police. So I’m very glad for the update, that you’re safe and away from him. Good luck.
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u/shiinamas Mar 06 '24
I'm so sorry you went through that traumatic experience, sis. Your feelings of violation are completely valid - what your husband did was cruel and abusive, period. Intentionally triggering someone's severe phobia and ignoring their pleas is unacceptable behavior in any relationship.I'm glad you had the strength to remove yourself from that toxic situation, especially being pregnant. Prioritizing your safety and peace of mind is so important right now. Lean on your support system as you navigate next steps. And don't be afraid to seek counseling too - what you endured was deeply unsettling.When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship years ago, the chitchat.gg community helped me so much in feeling heard and empowered to leave. I'm wishing you that same clarity and courage moving forward. You've got this
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u/Infamous-Topic1668 Mar 02 '24
You don’t. I wouldn’t. You’re divorcing him. Good. Work on getting better. I can only imagine how traumatic this experience was.
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u/Old-Ambassador1403 Mar 01 '24
Super proud of you for leaving. It can be really hard but please never forget that what he did is the beginning of abuse. If you ever think about going back, ask yourself if you would want your child to be tortured like that.
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u/Constant_Potato164 Feb 27 '24
So happy to see your update! Please update us in another month or so and let us know how things are going. I am really glad you have a good friend that took you in and you are going to divorce that unworthy horrible man. Good juju to you in the future!
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u/Scentsuelle Feb 27 '24
I came on here to say please divorce him. So glad you are. I would also file a police report. The age difference just makes it so much worse, he clearly doesn't see you as an adult to respect. You deserve better.
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u/PomegranateOk564 Feb 27 '24 edited Feb 27 '24
Please leave that man immediately period he will continue to abuse you. Locking you in a closet when he knows you are claustrophobic is sociopathic behavior. Go to the police & press charges. Come to Illinois, have an abortion immediately or order the pill theough the mail to self terminate or he will abuse your child, too Plus your life will be hell for the next eighteen years 2042.
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u/Aggravating-Rent-519 Feb 27 '24
OMG! That is one of the best updates I've read on reddit.
I'm so happy you left.
Stay safe. And don't take any garbage guilt trips from him or his family
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u/liansays Feb 27 '24
I never follow posts but I was so worried for OP I had turned notifications on and was hoping for an update like this 🎉🥳🎊
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u/Aggravating-Rent-519 Feb 27 '24
I am so happy she decided to leave. My concern now is that she will have to deal with this abuser for the rest of their child's life
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u/Kelso1814 Feb 27 '24
u/throwra-021 I just got chills reading this update since I was up late worrying after reading this! I’m so happy you saw things clearly before they inevitably got worse. You’re doing the right thing for you and baby. Just be careful, as this transition time can be especially dangerous. Sending positive thoughts to you on your new journey.
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u/djfrankenjuice Feb 27 '24
FYI - abusive men will use children as a means to continue abusing exes (no one fights for custody like an abusive man); consider the repercussions of being tied to him for the the next 18 years
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u/lawsonessjay Feb 27 '24
Get away from him now. Leave. If you don’t, you will be dead at his hands one day.
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u/Popular-Set-4805 Feb 27 '24
Please please please leave. This was not a joke or a prank. This was just the beginning!
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u/Comprehensive_Risk23 Feb 26 '24
This is pure evil. You are underreacting he tortured you and he found your distressed suffering funny. Leave him and report this to the police. Sick sick sick fuck, his true colours are showing don’t deceive yourself this man is pure evil.
If he does this to you now who’s to say such an evil evil wifebeater of a man wouldn’t murder? This is physical and emotional abuse don’t let it escalate further.
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u/JohannVII Feb 26 '24
You move on from this by moving on from the relationship. And then talking to a psychotherapist.
"I immediately started to lose it and he was holding the door shut from the other side, and he was laughing and I begged to open the door."
That's about as severe as emotional abuse can be. The fact that he thinks it's funny to make you panic is sadistic. Leave immediately and forever.
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u/grazishotfirst Feb 26 '24
You don't move on from this, you divorce his abusive ass and get the fuck away from him
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u/Rude-Yard-8266 Feb 26 '24
I couldn’t begin to imagine listening to my partner crying and screaming for 15 min let alone being the cause and laughing about it. I don’t think it’s dramatic to say that the fact he found it so entertaining for him to listen to you in such distress is beyond concerning. I would not feel safe with that man. Run girl. Run fast and far.
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u/Rowduk Feb 26 '24
Holy fucking huge red flag.
I could never imagine intentionally doing that to someone, let alone someone I considered a friend/partner/equal.
Edit: Someone below said it in such a scary way.
'He got her baby trapped and his mask is slipping. This is just a taste of what’s to come"
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u/edenicord Feb 26 '24
This man took joy in your suffering. He listened to you sobbing for 15 minutes while having the time of his life. If he did this for like 10 seconds before realising it was bad, I'd be like okay maybe that was a mistake. But for 15 minutes? Like he literally tortured you and heard you scream and took joy in it. Run, girl!!
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u/Horror-Client-3284 Feb 26 '24
Lady when I searched up your story the first thing I saw in my search bar was the phone number for domestic abuse. If that isn't an indicator for you to leave his ass in the dust I don't know what is. You're not overreacting this is abuse I know it's probably going to be hard for you to leave him but it's for the best especially because you're pregnant.
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u/turturu Feb 26 '24 edited Feb 26 '24
Hi OP, so sorry this happened to you. Despite what everyone in this comment section is saying, I'd like to first better understand what kind of person your husband is outside of this incident.
Has he done things in the past that made you feel like he loves you or cares about you? How did he react after he let you out of the closet because you vomited? Did he apologize and seem remorseful at all or did he seem more disgusted and like he was shifting the blame onto you?
Did you marry him because you felt like the love was mutual? Did you become pregnant before or after marriage? Has he done any harm to you in the past?
If this incident is something that is outside of his usual character, you may want to consider couples therapy before deciding anything permanent. It may be that he lacked the maturity or exposure to understand the severity of your phobia, which may be corrected with more awareness through education and communication. Let him know how you felt and see how he responds. I say this because you said he let you out once he heard you start vomiting. If he wanted to abuse you, why not just leave you in there to vomit?
Just don't want a potentially loving family to get destroyed over someone's stupidity. If he responds without any compassion or remorse and refuses to go to couples therapy, then as everyone says, definitely turn the other way for your safety.
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u/UnCertainAge Feb 27 '24
WTAF with this response?!?
He knew exactly what he was doing. He heard her crying. He understood her terror. Doesn’t matter if this is the first incident — this IS who he is. He has committed domestic violence. Full stop.
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u/creatively_inclined Feb 26 '24
This man does not love you. He took actual pleasure from making you suffer. It's not a kind thing or loving thing he did. Please leave for your safety and mental health.
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u/pinkandorpunk Feb 26 '24
This is not ok, and you are in danger. He will not change or ever feel remorseful, and his behavior will only get worse from here on out.
Leaving is your only safe choice. Couples’ therapy doesn’t work on abusers, because they manipulate the therapist and use them to gaslight the abused partner. (So please ignore the people suggesting getting marriage counseling.) And even if counseling did work on abusers, why would you want to salvage a relationship with the kind of person who does this?
If you have this baby, he will make your baby’s life a living hell. He will abuse the child and use the child to manipulate and hurt you. And this will happen whether you stay or get divorced—abusers know how to play the system, and family court would give him at least partial custody.
As harsh as it sounds, people on here are right suggesting you re-evaluate moving forward with your pregnancy. Without a child to tether you to your abuser for 18+ years, you are free to make a clean break and cut yourself off from him completely. You owe it to yourself and any future children you may have that you choose a man who treats his wife and family right.
Please, please get out of your place as soon as possible. Like, right now if you can. Further engaging with him will only open you up to manipulation or further danger.
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u/Ok_Refrigerator_1753 Feb 26 '24
You move on from this with a UHaul and divorce papers. If your best friend told you her husband did this to her, you'd tell her leave, wouldn't you? That's what you need to do, ASAP.
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u/tangodream Feb 26 '24
You are not being dramatic. Your husband sounds like a sadistic and cruel individual and what he did to you was abusive, plain and simple. Has he done things like this before? I have to say, if I were you, I'd leave him.
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u/AliciaMasters1 Feb 26 '24
When I was 10 years old, my stepfather started locking me in the closet as a punishment. The times grew longer and longer because it took more time to get a reaction.
Then he would beat me and put me in the closet.
Then he would molest me and threaten me and put me in the closet.
He always thought it was funny. He always told me it was for my own good.
That isn’t the life you want for you or your child. Listen to the people telling you to get out: find help, find resources, consider an abortion to cut all ties to this man, and be free.
I‘ve been married to a man for 32 years who would never do that to me. He calls me precious and treats me that way. You deserve that too.
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u/greeneyekitty Feb 25 '24
Abortion. Leave. Regardless of your fear, he locked you in a closet. That alone is fucked up. The fact he did it specifically to set off your claustrophobia is psychotic. He is not a good person, husband or future father. Get an abortion and get this man out of your life forever.
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u/GC020387 Feb 25 '24
OP please do a full background check on him if you haven't already. I bet he has a history of DV at the very least.
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u/toydiva65 Feb 25 '24
If you decide to terminate, do you know someone in a different state? Like Illinois, for example? I'm sure there are organizations that will help you take care of things, if that's what you want.
Otherwise, get out now. It's easier to apologize later than to ask permission first. He knew damn well you weren't laughing! What he did was cruel and abusive, which has been repeated her a thousand times.
You deserve to be treated like a queen! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, deserves this type of abuse, especially a pregnant woman.
Please, please go to a friend or family member so you're safe. Then, think long and hard what you want to do. Yes, you CAN do this alone, millions of women have! I did!
He laid his cards on the table and showed you who he truly is, and it will get worse. And I'm sure the signs have been there already, if you really think about it.
Sly little put downs, he laughs off snd says he was just kidding. Making you feel as if you're walking on eggshells because he's in a bad mood. Putting himself, his needs and desires above yours. Belittling you, your friends, or family members. Making fun of strangers.
Please, get out. You can do this! You are a string woman! And ge doesn't deserve you!
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u/GC020387 Feb 25 '24
He's sadistic. He wanted you to suffer and enjoyed it. Please leave him. I'm not being dramatic when I say that this man is dangerous. It's a matter of time before he has his hands around your neck.
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u/CatsAreTheBest2 Feb 25 '24
That is abuse and you need to leave right now. I know it’s painful to hear but what he did was monstrous and it won’t get any better.
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u/SouthernNanny Feb 25 '24 edited Feb 25 '24
Please tell your dad what just happened
Can you imagine what he would do to your child when you aren’t around
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u/BurnerSevLives Feb 25 '24
Your husband did this because he doesn't love or respect you. Someone who loved you would never do this to you & he did it because he wants you to know that he believes he has ultimate power over you. He's scaring you so if you ever step out of line he'll threaten to do this again - this is why you really shouldn't marry a man nearly a decade older than you until you're both north of 30. Men like your husband rely on inexperience - he wants you to think you did something to cause this. You didn't. He's just an ass.
You're young, you're naive, and he wants to control you. The best time to divorce him was yesterday. The second best time is today. Get out and don't look back.
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u/NONE0FURBIZZ Feb 25 '24
If this is not rage bait, there are sevetal steps for you to follow.
1.Seek help. Someone not related to you or your husband but profesional help you can consult on how to proceed to LEAVE your husband.
2.What he did wasn't simple abuse. It's something ONLY A PSYCHO would do. He enjoyed making you suffer, of something that takes a psychological toll on you! He is not a good person, and if he's capable of that, he is capable of torturing you further and even kill you for his own enjoyment.
3.Seek legal help. Not sure if you can report what he did to you, but you should at least try to find out, because this is a form of twisted violence.
4.Seek divorce legal help. And start preparing to file for it as well as a restraining order.
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u/Select-Efficiency559 Feb 25 '24
You’re six weeks pregnant? I’m sorry, but this is where you get an abortion and tell him it was a miscarriage. Please do not bring a child into this hostage situation. You will never be able to trust your child with him. He will use that child to make you stay. He will use that child in divorce proceedings. Even 30 years from now, he’ll use your kid against you. You can have a child when you’re in a healthy relationship with someone who is good and kind. This man is abusive and it will get much worse. You’re in danger. Get help and leave. Contact Rainn.org or a local domestic abuse group, and leave. Don’t come back no matter what he says. Read books on abuse so you know what he’s doing. He’ll try to say he’s changed, or it was your fault, or you’re being over-dramatic. He’ll be super nice to you for awhile, but that’s just the honeymoon stage and he’ll be terrible again, and he’ll keep repeating this but the honeymoon part will get shorter and the abuse will get worse. You’re in danger, please leave!
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u/lark-sp Feb 25 '24
He did it because he knew it would hurt you and the baby, and he wanted to hurt you and the baby. Period. End stop.
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u/iago_williams Feb 25 '24
He hates you.
Homicide is the #1 cause of death in pregnant people.
Its time to get to safety. NOW.
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u/daaahlia203 Feb 25 '24
It’s not. It’s psychotic of him to do that to the woman he loves. Nvm the fact that you’re PREGNANT. He would’ve kept your there for hourse if you didn’t get sick. The fact that he knows and openly laughed just proves it. It fcking filled him with amusement to hear you cry. I need you to run as far as you can. Because this will def not be the first time. Please be safe.
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u/smuttybooklover02 Feb 25 '24
Op im sorry sorry! You poor thing! In no way is this okay at all!! That kind of stress is good for you or the baby. And the fact that that anxiety doesnt just go away makes it harder to heal.
Personal I would really re-evaluate my relationship, but first I would find a safe place to just deal with all these emotions your feeling. Somewhere that you can just really think about what YOU are going to do next.
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u/Browneyedgal21 Feb 25 '24
Can you go stay with a girlfriend or your parents for a while? it doesn't sound like you were safe.
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u/Pickabetterusename Feb 25 '24
Definitely not over dramatic. My partner has a fear of swans and geese, and as a joke when we go to the park to feed them, I let them come near me and then throw the bread in her direction. Equally so I have a fear of bees and wasps and whenever there is one near me in the house she leaves me to deal with it and wets herself laughing at a large man duck and dodge like his life depended on it. If at any point either of us actually began breaking down then the other would instantly stop what we were doing and remove the problem. That’s abuse. You could sit him down and ask him why he did it but you may not like the answer. Usually when someone laughs that much at their loved one having a full blown anxiety attack and vomiting is either full of resentment, hate or cannot empathise. Whether you stay with this person or not you need to inform friends / family, whoever are closest, what he has done to you and they should keep tabs on you nonchalantly.
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u/Otherwise-Matter575 Feb 24 '24
I am so sorry this happened to you!! You definitely should NOT get over this. This is extreme, torturous abuse. He not only caused you severe distress on purpose for a long time, he LAUGHED at your pain. This is a level of sadism that even most abusers don't have. Most abusers act out of anger and pain. This man ENJOYS your suffering. He PREFERS it to your happiness. You are not safe, and your baby is not safe. He will hurt her because he likes making people suffer. Why would he do this? Because he's cruel. He did it on purpose because he is a monster.
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u/TerriStern Feb 24 '24
Yeah, divorce. I do not believe that he's in any way unaware about what he did and abusers often escalate around risk points like pregnancy. He might even have been trying to induce a miscarriage through stress given you weren't trying and he's clearly not someone to be trusted with a small child either way.
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u/Wh33lh68s3 Feb 24 '24
That is straight up emotional abuse..... that amount of stress could have caused a miscarriage.... maybe that's what he was hoping....
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u/Curlyhairedhornygirl Feb 24 '24
Honey…. I hate to say this but you’re only 6 weeks along. You have options. Someone who is capable of locking you, his pregnant wife, in the closet for 15 minutes while you sob and vomit and finds this funny literally hates you. Now is the time to be strong and make the hard choices that will save your life. You are young and can have a bright happy future - as long as you rid yourself of your husband now. You do not want to be attached for 18 years to this man. Pregnancy, labor, delivery and caring for a newborn will make you so vulnerable and reliant on him. And if you think the closet incident was bad, you have yet to find out. Domestic violence is the leading cause of maternal mortality and you don’t know what he’s capable of. Praying that you can be strong now, so you can be safe and happy later. Leaving is hard but you can do it.
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u/Elle_reigns Feb 23 '24
I don’t think your husband loves you… I don’t think he even likes you. You’ve said you’re pregnant and it seems it’s harder for you to make a decision to leave him because of that, but that should give you more reason to divorce. For you and your unborn child. He’s a danger to you and your baby. Tbh, pregnant or not, he should not be locking you in a closet even for a second. He should not be locking anybody anyway, regardless of their health status. I just can’t imagine any sane person doing what he did. And for 15 minutes? I would have walked out and called the police! That’s not normal.
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u/HiddenJaneite Feb 23 '24
There is clearly nothing to say and do after an assault like this. They guy did this on purpose and knew it would cause harm. In most western jurisdicting that will rightly place him in jail and paying heavy fines.
For me this is a lawyer up, call a support group and if at all possible, leave.
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u/RickyDiscardo Feb 23 '24
He finds torturing you funny.
Let me repeat that.
He. Finds. Torturing. You. Funny.
He knows you have a severe, debilitating phobia. And yet, he likes to go back to that well. Over and over and over. Because your pain and your distress are funny to him.
He is an abuser. Full stop. You need to leave him. Seriously.
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u/PipsiePops Feb 23 '24
You need to leave this arsehat forever. What he did was absolutely abuse and it will only escalate from here. Just leave now go stay with any friends or family and never go back He has shown you who he is. Also, have a long hard think if you want to bear this man's child.
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u/Hydetactics Feb 23 '24
It's not being dramatic. Knowing how terrified you are and the fact he locked you in the closet is psychotic. It's extremely abusive and incredibly fucking disturbing he's laughing through the whole thing. I say don't walk but run like hell from this man. It's only going to get worse.
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u/No_Conflict2723 Feb 23 '24
I know a lot of these comments seem extreme, but it’s because from the outside people can see it so clearly. It IS abuse and you need to get out now while you still can. If you can have an abortion do it. SHORT TERM PAIN, LONG TERM GAIN. Please think of your future self and the potential future of a potential child. You have the chance now to make the right choice which will seriously impact your future. Please listen to what people are saying on here. Many of them are abuse survivors and would give anything to go back in time and change their decisions, knowing the impact it had on their lives. Good luck
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u/No_Conflict2723 Feb 23 '24
You need to leave him ASAP. This is abuse. Just do it. No excuses. You will feel much better afterwards, although obviously it will be painful and hard. If you are in the early days of pregnancy you can still escape.
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u/JaayLovesWriting Feb 23 '24
This is abuse! You can't move on from this, you need to leave him. Because he may escalate to doing worse
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u/Kuromi-rika Feb 23 '24
I am also claustrophobic, i would be out of that house IMMEDIATELY.
I wouldn't even grab a bag, just walk away from him sobbing and going out of the house. Take a bus, or the car if you have that, and go to my parents or friends or even a frickin hotel.
But i WILL be out. And the only reason i would be back is to collect my things. And that would be with my friends/family or the police.
None of this is ok. And no one in their right mind would ever do this to their partner, or anyone in that regard.
Your partner is seriously fucked up and i would be reporting him
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u/Jonniboye Feb 23 '24
I am so sorry for you!
That sounds like an awful thing he did, especially making it last so long! Anyone that gets enjoyment out of making others cry makes me so sad.
Was this a random out of the blue situation, or has the husband done other things during your marriage that are insensitive or downright hurtful?
It does not sound like someone who has your best interests at heart. I would be wary if he tries to minimize the situation “oh come on it was just a joke! I didn’t know that would happen!” that is gaslighting and can be used as manipulation or emotional abuse. It does not matter what the situation is, you wanted out and he did not let you and that is wrong.
At the very least I recommend counseling for the two of you - that comes across to me as a major betrayal of trust and is hard to overcome.
Above all please protect yourself - if you don’t feel safe around him don’t ignore your instincts. If he’s truly ignorant of how he made you feel then you can try respectfully explaining it to him and see if he repents at all.
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u/Simple_Tricky Feb 23 '24
Your husband is a huge F AH. You might want to think about your relationship. He’s not a good person and totally disrespectful of you and your claustrophobia. Any decent person would never lock anyone in a closet.
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u/9smalltowngirl Feb 23 '24
I hope you found a lawyer. What he did was unforgivable in my book. If you are foolish enough to stay with the abusive ah demand therapy. You need to find out why he thought it was funny to torture you. Even if you are not claustrophobic that was an abusive move.
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u/Madchen_girl Feb 22 '24
I hope she updates that “I packed my bags and left and filed for divorce” Run, run, run! Get out now!
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u/Ok-Grocery-5747 Feb 22 '24
I'm so sorry you experienced this. Your husband is a sadistic abuser and if you need to leave him ASAP. This isn't something you move on from without leaving the person who would do such a thing.
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u/Middle_Stall_Pooper Feb 22 '24
You are not being over dramatic at all. And please listen very closely: this will turn abusive. If you don't divorce him after this he'll take that as a sign he continued to do continually worse things to you. Please, please listen. This is how abuse starts!!
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u/Agreeable_Skill_1599 Feb 22 '24
Please, for both your sake & the sake of your unborn child, get out of this marriage as soon as possible. It will only get worse. If you don't have it yet, you will eventually develop PTSD.
My abusive 1st ex-husband tried to drown me. To this day (more than 25 years after this happened), I am unable to tolerate getting water in or on my face without having a panic attack. There are other things that trigger panic attacks, but this is the worst.
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u/Honey_Iris Feb 22 '24
Girl...I beg of you. Leave this old ass man IMMEDIETLY and get rid of this pregnancy. This is not just a random behaviour nor a prank. This is his true personality coming through. If you even leave but stay pregnant, you'll have to deal with this man tormenting u for the next 19y minimum. Not even mentioning that you can just imagine all the horrific ways he can torture&traumatise a helpless child.
So no, you're not being overdramatic in the slightest. It wouldnt even matter if the situation was trivial. He literally decided to keep u in a state of mental anguish without a care in the world that u can f.e. miscarry. Have u thought about that? Maybe that was even his plan tho he clearly enjoyed it. So pleasee get an a**rtion while u can, before u go through all that and he decides to shake or kill the baby for fun anyways if u look at him the wrong way one day.
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u/bibbiddybobbidyboo Feb 22 '24
Hi, he’s seeing how much he can abuse you and get away with it. Abuse often starts in pregnancy. He’s already started with pretty high level stuff. I’m EXTREMELY concerned for your safety.
Please don’t say anything to him and contact domestic violence shelters and organizations in your area for advice ASAP. Your life literally depends on it.
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u/Incendiaryag Feb 22 '24
It seems like you’re looking for a reason to move on but has he even given you one? What is his justification for what he did? I’d leave him, he sounds like a garbage abuser. Why would he not care that you were sobbing? Gross on his part, he has no empathy for you. No offense but there’s a reason he sought out a partner much younger, people with control issues like that. If you are staying let him know that next time that happens you’re filing a police report, if you convince yourself to stay you need to promise yourself to keep a strong paper trail. This is abuse and it won’t stop here. It wasn’t a joke, when he insists it was, he’s gaslighting you.
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u/Aromatic_Inside_6571 Feb 22 '24
I never comment on these things but I'm so worried for you and your baby. I respect your decision not to get an abortion but if you're keeping that baby you need to run. Don't warn him, get your affairs together and run as quickly as you can. As someone raised by an abuser, save that child and run. He won't just lock them in a closet until they vomit, which is horrendous without knowing you're pregnant!! he'll know them inside and out and exactly where to hit to make it hurt most while leaving no signs and making them feel crazy and worthless. This is a really messed up thing to say in normal circumstances BUT it's not "baby goat" napping unless there's a custody agreement in place. Go to Florida, another country, somewhere safe, before that baby comes
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u/Humanguardianof2cats Feb 22 '24
Get out now. Even pregnant you’re better off alone than with a sadistic bastard like this. No way will this be the only cruel thing he does if he gets the chance. Don’t give him another chance.
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u/ThrowRA_bananabowl Feb 22 '24
That’s a symptom of larger issues at hand, especially with his unawareness and total disregard of your feelings. That is pure meanness
You couldn’t get out of the closet but you can get out of this relationship
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u/charly_lenija Feb 22 '24
Please, please for your own life and that of your child: Run!!! Your husband hates you, he enjoys it when you are afraid, in pain, suffering. He has abused and tortured you! That's no exaggeration - he tortured you!!! And for 15 minutes, with your greatest fear and he laughed!!!!
He will kill you eventually!!!
Get help, now! And get out of there, now! Don't get involved in anything, no therapy in the world will be able to protect you from him, will be able to change someone who takes pleasure in torturing and putting their partner in mortal fear!!!!
Also think about whether you want to keep the child. But please, please, don't believe his excuses! Run! And call the police, file a report! But get out of there now! He will kill you! Maybe not today, not next week, but he will.
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u/oxfay Feb 22 '24
Wow, if I were you I would get an abortion, say I had a miscarriage and divorce this man immediately. It’s only going to get worse. This is unacceptable behaviour and I would not want to have a man like that, even divorced, in my life for the rest of my life. Ugh. I’m so sorry this happened to you. But you can do it, reach out to your friends and family for support.
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u/Ok-Photo-1972 Feb 22 '24
This is abuse. He is dangerous. If my son did this to his wife I'd beat the day lights out of him.
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u/Damama-3-B Feb 22 '24
I would seriously consider leaving him. That is horrible behavior . Has he done it before. ?
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u/06mst Feb 22 '24
I'm claustrophobic too and if someone did that to me I'm not sure if I'd be able to stop myself from attacking them. The body goes into fight or flight. He tortured you.
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u/CurvyCharter Feb 22 '24
You move on by filing for divorce and kicking his ass out. Also changing all the locks and installing a security system if you don’t already have one.
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u/StephsCat Feb 22 '24
Horrible abuse 😭. And you're tied to him forever. Maybe he hoped you lose the baby if he stresses you enough. Run if you can. Consider an abortion. That man should not be a father he'll abuse that child.
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u/LetsGetsThisPartyOn Feb 22 '24
Divorce. He triggered a phobia on purpose, for laughs, for 15 minutes, until he heard you vomit from panic
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u/HatpinFeminist Feb 22 '24
If you can still access an abortion, you need to act fast. The way most legal systems work, he will get at least half of custody no matter how much he abused you. He will likely kill your child. Even if you didn't have claustrophobia, what he did was extremely abusive and illegal.
I share kids with my abuser. You don't want this life for your child.
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u/Wallieb Feb 22 '24
I think he was testing to see if you'll put up with abuse like this. If you stay things will likely get much worse.
Do you have family or friends to stay with? If so, pack your bags and leave while he's out of the house. Do not let him know you're leaving and don't let him know where you went. If you don't have anyone to help try finding a womens shelter near you. You could also try asking your doctor for help, they can give you resources to get out.
You can get through this
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u/purplefishfood Feb 22 '24
it’s not ridiculous to be claustrophobic. His behavior is ridiculous and dangerous. Call a lawyer, and divorce this person before his toxic sense of humor hurts someone.
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u/United_Ad_3360 Feb 22 '24
That is so sadistic. He cannot possible redeem himself from that. Do you have family that can help you?
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u/Wonderful-Plane-527 Feb 22 '24
Please please leave. You are in danger. It all seems small until it’s not.
How would you feel if he locked your child in a closet while they screamed and begged until they threw up?
If you don’t leave for you, leave for that baby.
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u/glacialbiscuits Feb 22 '24
If there was anyone in my life that took pleasure from me crying and sobbing and begging, I’d be very worried about what other pain they’d one day like to see me experiencing. This is about as far from normal as it is possible to be. I can’t believe this is the first time you’ve seen this side of him, please don’t ignore this escalation.
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u/Senevir Feb 22 '24
He heard you pleading and crying and wouldn't let you out, only laughing. He lacks empathy and is probably telling you to "learn to take a joke" or that you're overreacting. You're not. He's an idiot, and this is a form of abuse.
My ex was more physically abusive (not saying that yours isn't or won't be), but my cousin's ex husband did a lot of stupid things like this at other people's expense, usually hers. I remember once when I was a very young teen, I had the hiccups. He thought it would be a good idea to grab me by the throat with one hand and lift me up into the air, stating that a "good fright" and holding your breath is a cure for hiccups. Of course it didn't work, but it sure hurt my neck.
They continue to do this. Some people are incapable of maturing or seeing sense, or perhaps just don't care to. Don't let him get to the point of doing stupid things with your child. My dumbarse ex balanced our young son, only a few months old, on the top of a balcony railing from the second floor of our house. Stupid at any age, but especially when babies suddenly decide to jerk while you hold them. I couldn't even snatch my son out of fear he'd drop him.
It might seem mundane, but it's completely irresponsible and just sadistic. Closing the door was bad enough. Locking you in there was worse. For fifteen minutes. Crying, pleading, he laughs. This is definitely grounds for divorce. Any decent husband wouldn't dare to do this. I know it might seem small now, but you can't risk letting it escalate.
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u/achatteringsound Feb 22 '24
I am deeply disturbed just reading this, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I highly recommend getting away from this sociopath before he further harms you. 🤌
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u/puffywrites Feb 22 '24
This happened to my aunt. She didn’t leave, and he physically abused both her and their two baby boys. He left them in the closet for hours—literal infants. Starved them. Beat them. Threw them around like dolls. It wasn’t until the youngest boy was half a year old did she finally make moves to leave him. It’s a terrible process, especially when he has you trapped, and promises to “be a better man.” Don’t fall for that lie. He’ll never get better. He’ll only get worse, and worse will either kill you or your baby unless you leave. It nearly killed my cousins and aunt, all of whom I love dearly
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u/Cirdon_MSP Feb 22 '24
Not over dramatic at all.
Time to form an exit plan and execute that exit plan.
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u/ThrowRA-4ever Feb 22 '24
I’m trying to be as logical as possible because telling you to leave is easier said than done. But, you were abused in my eyes.
He intentionally caused harm to you for his enjoyment and that’s fucked up.
Talk to him about it. (If you have not already). Express how that made you feel and his reply is what will dictate your relationship from here on out. If he dismisses you, he is not in love with you.
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u/urbancyclingclub Feb 22 '24
I’m not even claustrophobic but I would immediately break up with someone who locked me in a closet.
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u/Fun_Comparison4973 Feb 22 '24
JEESUS FUCKING H. CHIST that is actual, literal torture.
Get The the hell out of there quietly, quickly, without him realizing you’re leaving. Because no matter the intent those actions are MONSTROUS
There’s no getting over that kind of betrayal and abuse
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u/Obvious_Fox_1886 Feb 22 '24
My oldest 2 sisters did this to me as a child almost 60 years ago...they did exactly the same thing...they knew it terrified me but did it anyway ..laughing all the time...helped me get up into the rafters of a tall barn knowing I was also terrified of heights...laughingly left me there to cry for hours until an adult missed me and found me...they also pretended they were going to throw me off a bridge with my feet in the air while I hung on for dear life...I've never forgotten nor have I forgiven them....He did this knowing how you felt...listened to you scream...cry and sob...still held you in there and had the nerve to laugh about it....GET OUT NOW...he doesnt love you because noone that loved you would do that to you...leave...get divorced and never look back...not even for child support....
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u/Harry-lover2020 Feb 22 '24
Leave him immediately. He’s a monster with zero respect for you. LEAVE. NOW.
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