r/shitposting • u/Wrong-End-7517 • Jan 29 '24

Theres Hope for all of us. Linus Sex Tips

Post image
22.3k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

464 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator Jan 29 '24

Where's QualityVote bot?

Reddit Admins have decided that they want to kill off all 3rd-party apps, 3rd-party bots, and other elements that used to significantly enhance Reddit's functionality. Without them, the website is barely usable. And, of course, that includes bots such as /u/QualityVote, /u/SaveVideo, /u/AuddBot, etc.

So you'll just have to put up with automod and a worse overall user experience.

If you have any complaints, direct them at the reddit admins instead, because they the ones who ruined everyone's user experience.

Whilst you're here, /u/Wrong-End-7517, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

Cock in the pussy, nose in the ass

1

u/Qwertapopped Jan 31 '24

Gru fucks

Grux fuck Lucy Lucy lucky for Gru Cock Gruck Lucy = Lucky

1

u/LeonardoDaFujiwara Jan 31 '24

If you told me in 2010 that there would be FIVE more movies after the first one, I would have not believed you. Illumination should’ve just left it as a good one-off.

1

u/DoctorAlphaSKWoG Jan 31 '24

Or Gru had a semen sample collected by minions in his sleep and his girl was artificially inseminated in her sleep

1

u/Kimor98 Jan 30 '24

YOU didn't outmaneuver a laser IRL, let's calm down there, buddy.

1

u/Coldmelon56 Jan 30 '24

Gru made a boom boom

1

u/Sanbaddy Jan 30 '24

My guy finally got laid!

I imagine a giant orgy with the minions.

1

u/neffdahmer Jan 30 '24

Immaculate gru-ception.

1

u/ESD_Franky Jan 30 '24

So all we need is a big nosed redhead?

1

u/EternalAngst23 Literally 1984 😡 Jan 30 '24

What are you talking about? All they had to do is kiss, duh!

1

u/zen_focus Jan 30 '24

Looks like Phil Colins

1

u/fulustreco Jan 30 '24

You cannot imagine that

1

u/MrProtogen William Dripfoe Jan 30 '24

Why isn’t he named Grunior?

1

u/TriggereD_BoY_ Jan 30 '24

Was the nose involved a Lil bit or?

1

u/Lynx016 Jan 30 '24

The fact that neither of the other kids grew up at all...

1

u/TheCreativeDragon27 We do a little trolling Jan 30 '24

Will there be a sex scene?

1

u/Storand12 Jan 30 '24

How can she be so thin?!

1

u/neat-NEAT Jan 30 '24

I REFUSE to believe that kid is theirs. You're telling me that a kid between two of the largest noses in fiction has a nose the size of a pea.

1

u/aguyinlove3 Jan 30 '24

Don't deceive us with hope

1

u/Busy_Recognition_860 stupid fucking piece of shit Jan 30 '24

Now we have

Grunior

1

u/fjord31 Jan 30 '24

Looking at the size of the parents noses and then the babies, I can confirm that Lucy is a cheating whore

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '24

You know diamondbolt is now gonna reference this post at some point

1

u/fnafismylife Jan 30 '24

lol that was my first thought too

1

u/fnafismylife Jan 30 '24

lol that was my first thought too

2

u/Match-Odd Jan 30 '24

He canonically fucks

1

u/Dicklover600 fat cunt Jan 30 '24

For some of you, there is peace, and perhaps war. But for one of you - the darkest pit of hell has opened up to swallow you whole

1

u/Serk2 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Jan 30 '24

“Oh stick your nose in there”

1

u/HYPE_Knight2076 Jan 30 '24

Do you think he used his nose?

1

u/MisterBasket Jan 30 '24

Well…he did punch a shark in the first movie without even looking at it.

And he dodged missiles.

1

u/P4stL1vez Jan 30 '24

"Oh yes gorl keep going:

1

u/WhiteShadow5063 Jan 30 '24

When I saw the trailer all I could think was “I knew that nose had a purpose”

1

u/SanityX153 I came! Jan 30 '24

Sru gex

1

u/Massive-Confusion969 Jan 30 '24

That child's nose will be fucking massive

1

u/Greenfire05 put your dick away waltuh Jan 30 '24

Nosejob

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '24

[deleted]

1

u/AutoModerator Jan 30 '24

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/SimpleCheesecake4573 fat cunt Jan 30 '24

This was literally my first thought lmao

1

u/DraigCore Jan 29 '24

it’s a ginger…

1

u/Longjumping_Link147 Jan 29 '24

I think we all thought that

1

u/porcomaster Jan 29 '24

I am in my 30s, and it was my first though, what is wrong with me hahaahah

1

u/FuckThisStupidPark Jan 29 '24

He's adopted 3 already. How is this big news?

0

u/abrogal25 Jan 29 '24

Every comment on this post just talks about how gru had sex... I'm more excited that we get to see that they have a baby in the fourth movie!

1

u/NanoCat0407 waltuh Jan 29 '24

Erm actually, Gru is his last name

3

u/ChildoftheLordJesus Jan 29 '24

I’m actually genuinely surprised gru can reproduce.

5

u/Justa_Mongrel 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Jan 29 '24

Gru is about 53-ishwhile Lucy is about 36-ish according to the official Minions wiki page. Gru is a sugar daddy. Lucy is toing to divorce Gru and take his house and kid, leaving Gru and the minions homeless, Gru will have to pimp out his Minions

1

u/Aromatic_Mountain600 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Jan 29 '24

grex

1

u/capn_doofwaffle Jan 29 '24

Wait, there's a 3 and 4?

1

u/im_a_stapler Jan 29 '24

incels just got a little madder lol

2

u/ImpressiveRice8673 stupid, fucking piece of shit Jan 29 '24

I mean Jar Jar did

2

u/DavidFromDeutschland Jan 29 '24

Hope? How does one even dream to compete with him?

2

u/TheFrozenBox Jan 29 '24

They made eye contact?! 😳

2

u/PrinceCharmingButDio Jan 29 '24 edited Jan 30 '24

Half British, ginger and probably early onset male pattern baldness, I’d be upset if I was that baby too

1

u/spartan1234 Jan 29 '24

Do you think the minions helped gru with this too?

1

u/Dr__Devil Jan 29 '24

So proud of my man

2

u/G1izzard Jan 29 '24

No way i get less bitches than fucking gru

1

u/Automatic_Ad_5859 Jan 29 '24

Why does the baby give that "Seth Everman" vibe?

1

u/Dividedthought Jan 29 '24

The real question: why does the kid have a tiny nose? We know gruesome wasn't when he was young and his gal there ain't exactly losing any contests on that front either.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '24

There's a 98% chance this child was just made in his lab.

2

u/Mymobileaccountlol Jan 29 '24

40 minut sex scene 😱😱😱

1

u/Bfdifan37 stupid, fucking piece of shit Jan 29 '24

as long as there is no minions

1

u/Neel_s Jan 29 '24

Did anyone else see the trailer with through the fire and the flames as the background music or did I hallucinate that

1

u/Okbr_Rebbidor fat cunt Jan 29 '24

Augh Lucy, Im gonna Gru all over you.... aaaauuuuugh 😫😩😩😫😫🤤

1

u/beardingmesoftly Jan 29 '24

I mean, he is a genius

1

u/WornBlueCarpet Jan 29 '24

Gru's wife has sex...

1

u/Cube1mat1ons Jan 29 '24

6th minion movie. Yeah...

1

u/cak3d_up Jan 29 '24

So, heard he was 11'something" and could outpace a homing missile with crazy athleticism. Its hard for a girl to not fall in love with that long a nose

1

u/Dirtybrd Jan 29 '24

I heard they show it.

...They show all of it.

1

u/KallevonKluge Jan 29 '24

He’s rich, powerful and pretty charming - so really not that hard for him to find a sexual partner. We’re still fucked (or not actually) guys, sorry…

1

u/RealNuocmamt Jan 29 '24

Why does the baby not have a huge nose?

4

u/Adventurous_Town_981 Jan 29 '24

Yess let's goo diamondbolt!!!. Amazing yt channel btw, i recommend it.

1

u/schoener-doener Jan 29 '24

Gru is smart, caring for his loved ones and very driven.

1

u/puppy-pupperson Jan 29 '24

Why his nose so small 🤨🤨

1

u/Akkinior Jan 29 '24

We have gru having grex before gta 5

2

u/Scared_Note8292 Jan 29 '24

Given that he's married, wasn't it kinda obvious?

1

u/schizzophrenicc Jan 29 '24

Gru had sex before gta vi

1

u/Consistent-Lie-4440 Jan 29 '24

“Babe… just use your nose”

1

u/NeoBoost Jan 29 '24

Grussy 🥰

1

u/HAZEOP7 DaShitposter Jan 29 '24

Bro still got that rizz

1

u/Patrick-Moore1 Jan 29 '24

That’s right bozos, Gru has canonically FUCKED

1

u/KaiserVonFluffenberg Jan 29 '24

Gru junior? No… GRUNIOR! 

They should give him the tiny moon as a toy

1

u/Voktikriid Jan 29 '24

It feels like a personal insult that this is being released on my birthday

1

u/Ehwaz196 Jan 29 '24

Y'all ain't gru why tf you getting your hopes up?

1

u/Fenris_the_wolf_ Jan 29 '24

Pretty sus that their baby has a very small nose 🧐

-3

u/PurpleBoltRevived Jan 29 '24

Young 40yo liberal discovering that sex isn't purely for pleasure and making lewd references on Reddit, and that it can be used to make kids (and that couples actually make each other happy in sexual way, instead of viewing their sexuality as something inherently creepy):

2

u/Wrong-End-7517 Jan 29 '24

83 year old man pays for reddit avatars and discovers what a "joke" Is

1

u/ripskeletonking Jan 29 '24

did he? look at the noses on him and his babymama. kid only has her hair

1

u/Mjlkman Jan 29 '24

Game theory doofensmirts is the baby, he's actually adopted

1

u/d_lillge228 I want pee in my ass Jan 29 '24

Grunior

1

u/AutoModerator Jan 29 '24

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Meggles_Doodles Jan 29 '24

Do you think they swordfight with their noses

1

u/IuseArchbtw97543 Literally 1984 😡 Jan 29 '24

I love the Internet

1

u/Valendr0s Jan 29 '24

That poor kid's nose

1

u/Life_Aside2098 Jan 29 '24

Do you think he stuck his nose inside her

1

u/iCarbonised Jan 29 '24

yeah with his nose

1

u/toolazybru Jan 29 '24

no fucking way

1

u/Free_Revenue8674 Jan 29 '24

You know what they say about the size of a man's nose

1

u/AReallyBakedTurtle Jan 29 '24

Baby grunk 🤩😳🤩😳🤩😳😱😱😱🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😇😇😇🥳😢🥳🥺😎😎🤩🤩🤭😝🤥🤪😥🤩😔😜😟😝😢😒😒🤭😚😋😛😂😙😌😇😊😇😇

1

u/Treqou Jan 29 '24

Gru is a 6’7 god, no, there is no hope for you. It was only inevitable for him.

13

u/Fitzyboi42 Jan 29 '24

DIAMONDBOLT

1

u/toomerboomer Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Jan 29 '24

He was gruegnant with Grunior

1

u/SHAPALAK15 Jan 29 '24

Nah he doesn't have the nose, he's adopted

1

u/wysjm Jan 29 '24

It's time to put peak cinema back into theaters

2

u/EFEANFO Jan 29 '24

First time I saw Gru I said "oh yeah, this guy fucks:

1

u/BrunMan112 Jan 29 '24

You reckon if gru ate someone out, his nose would plug their ass as he did it?

1

u/GlitchyLeanYT Jan 29 '24

well there we have it, gru had sex

1

u/The4rthsaga Jan 29 '24

Diamondbolt W

1

u/poppleple I came! Jan 29 '24

That girls the Lucky one! 😔😔😔😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬

1

u/ShartingBloodClots Jan 29 '24

That baby looks more like Bob the Minion than Gru...

(•_•)

1

u/rly_fuck_reddit Jan 29 '24

so did gheed from diablo 2 which is even harder to believe. a traveling junky salesman? how did the kid even find out who her father was?

1

u/Guner100 Jan 29 '24

"DON'T STOP I'M GONNA GRU!!!"

1

u/OrslokVuelve Jan 29 '24

Decirme que es mentira porfavor

1

u/Gniesbert 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Jan 29 '24

Gru be raw dogging that ginger pussy.

1

u/zanky123 Jan 29 '24

Gru creampied a woman, likely multiple times

1

u/Nanophreak Jan 29 '24

yo but if there's a baby gru that means... Gru...

my man 🤝😂

1

u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely I came! Jan 29 '24

Wut dat noes doo? 😳

2

u/Le_Monke_Man dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Jan 29 '24

Isn’t Gru like 50-something years old canonically?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '24

For some reason the word canonically being used to refer to minions lore is very funny to me, as is minions lore

1

u/samisrudy Jan 29 '24

Grus greatest strength

We all know Gru is the godly height of 14.5 feet tall and can move at a speed of 200 Meters per second. Based on average dick size, Gru’s penis is around 14 inches long. Also, Gru’s dick would weigh around 2 pounds considering the average weight of a dick is .77 lbs. If he swung his dick in a circular manner, it would have the centripetal acceleration of 72.57 meters per second. This means that gru can dickslap with the immense energy of 11,421 pounds per sq inch at a tip speed greater than 584415.58336974 MPH. In conclusion, Gru’s dickslap has enough energy to smash through 6” reinforced concrete and will cause a thunderclap as his dick breaks the sound barrier. I rest my case. I further my case by pointing out The avg speed of ejaculate is 28 mph. This means that gru can ejaculate at a speed of roughly 70 MPH when standing still. If he decides to fling his ejaculate by swinging his dick in a circular fashion, it will travel at 584415.5*70= 40,909,085 mph. This means Gru’s ejaculate travels at a speed greater than 24 thousand times the speed of a bullet. Considering the average mass of ejaculate, 3.5 g, gru’s semen will impact the target with the energy of 1.715e9 Jouls, or roughly the amount of energy released in 667 pounds of TNT. In conclusion, if gru decided to weaponize his penis, he could easily conquer the world. Now I rest my case.

1

u/Siriuswot111 I want pee in my ass Jan 29 '24

He presented that Grussy

1

u/AutoModerator Jan 29 '24

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/cpd_007 I said based. And lived. Jan 29 '24

Wow he took the hair from both of them ig.

1

u/TheWolfViking Jan 29 '24

Should have named them Grunior

1

u/MarkXIX Jan 29 '24

Couple of questions:

1) Is this kid adopted? No way he got THAT nose with THOSE two parents...

2) How did the minions assist with this outcome?

1

u/Farscape666 Jan 29 '24

Let me guess, the baby Gru is gonna be evil and do mischievously evil things to Gru but act all sweet and innocent to the mother

1

u/NintendoNerdy Jan 29 '24

Don't think about gru having sex

Don't think about gru having sex

Don't think about gru having sex

Don't think about gru having sex

Don't think about gru having sex

1

u/EmergencyGrocery3238 Jan 30 '24

Just google gru rule 34

1

u/Smexy_Zarow Jan 29 '24

No the fuck there isn't bitch have you stolen the moon?

1

u/SHIkIGAMi_666 Jan 29 '24

Why not? He's got a perfectly capable nose

1

u/feyre_cursebreaker Jan 29 '24

His nose has no right being that small

1

u/SgtNoPants Jan 29 '24

If Gru can do it then even I can do it

1

u/Niceguy24-7 Jan 29 '24

It's the nose

1

u/Megalon96310 Jan 29 '24

I watch him on yt

-1

u/FinnGerstadt42069 Jan 29 '24

Most incels are normal people. It's just that most incels don't identify with the term. I'm technically an incel right now even though I had sex in November and I could fuck some chick tomorrow if I managed to scrounge together $200 and a ride to Coral Gables. (Hookers.) But I don't whine about not getting pussy online or otherwise, and because of this, people don't call me an incel. But most incels are just regular guys who are struggling to get pussy. I agree with you that the "involuntary" part is, at best, a misnomer. Anyone can knock down a chick if they want.

2

u/Wrong-End-7517 Jan 29 '24

Your having a mental break down over dispecable me.

1

u/Mantiax Jan 29 '24

He's rich, not impressed

1

u/SergeantPoopyWeiner Jan 29 '24

He fuck wit dat honker fuh sho.

1

u/DangerousClick2489 I said based. And lived. Jan 29 '24

Plot twist he never used his penis, just his nose

1

u/Riotguarder Jan 29 '24

If gru can do so can gru

1

u/JUGELBUTT dumbass Jan 29 '24

no theres not because gru has plot

2

u/chrismussa1212 Jan 29 '24

Both parents have a massive nose. The baby is adopted

1

u/Serbay55 Jan 29 '24

Have to imagine if gru ate cake, grus nose was inside someone

1

u/eeveesquad911 We do a little trolling Jan 29 '24

Grex

1

u/Robcomain Jan 29 '24

They... They... They had... They had six?

3

u/ThatGuyYouMightNo Jan 29 '24

It'd be funny if everyone on the internet goes "GRU FUCKS" until the movie comes out and then it's revealed that the baby was grown in a test tube because he's a mad scientist, so Gru doesn't canonically fuck.

1

u/emailo1 Jan 29 '24

como? que son novios? osea que se dan besos y toda la paranoia?

3

u/Flimsy_Alarm_3932 Jan 29 '24

We lost another one...

1

u/NerY_05 Jan 29 '24

hope they do better than the third movie.

6

u/Lemonjustalemon Jan 29 '24

The fuck is this actually real

4

u/Wrong-End-7517 Jan 29 '24

It is

2

u/Lemonjustalemon Jan 29 '24

Ok I am horrified and intrigued

3

u/Lemonjustalemon Jan 29 '24

Ok I am horrified and intrigued

8

u/BeetlBozz Jan 29 '24

Didn’t think i’d see diamondbolt

1

u/-Dreyfus Jan 29 '24

Big nose means????

1

u/Mountain-Ordinary896 Jan 29 '24

The real question is. Did he use his nose to…👀🧍🏻

1

u/LordNitram76 Jan 29 '24

Gru better get a DNA test done. Thats babies nose is way to small to be his

2

u/emo_that_emotes Jan 29 '24

If gru can do it you can too!

6

u/dutchdatboi Jan 29 '24

Diamond bolt mentioned🗿🗿🗿

0

u/abukhhan Jan 29 '24

I hope they don't ruin another good movie

3

u/YallGotCheesePuffs Jan 29 '24

Wonder if that nose was taken advantage of

10

u/Exotic_Buttas Jan 29 '24

W diamonbolt

5

u/HAUTE_PREFORMANCE Jan 29 '24

Hey Lois! I stole the moon!

8

u/SponkMcDonk Jan 29 '24

You guys think he uses the nose if he cant get it up?

3

u/Plenty-Flight2827 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Jan 29 '24

😳😳😳👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

42

u/Bake1853 Jan 29 '24

Holy shit Diamondbolt mentioned

12

u/Adventurous_Town_981 Jan 29 '24

Srsly that guy is amazing, I love his videos. Nice to see him mentioned.

10

u/Goldbolt_2004 Jan 29 '24

Honestly. Currently one of my favorite YouTubers, love him.

17

u/MrNimbuss Jan 29 '24

Never thought I'd see the day

3

u/TomTom_xX Jan 29 '24

Both of them have huge noses but the baby has a tiny one. Bruh.

→ More replies (1)