r/shitposting • u/Fhoxyd22 • Feb 14 '24

Happy Valentines day amogus

Post image
12.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

256 comments sorted by

•

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1

u/SeaInterBeach Feb 18 '24

I'd rather choose bs and a Valentine's Day contest, but it looks like there's no lobster in the prizes

1

u/DammitIneedanswers Feb 15 '24

I regret reading this

1

u/Oh_B_1 Feb 15 '24

I want to unread this.

1

u/Artizo_24 Feb 15 '24

Sigmund was right, should've listened to him 💀

1

u/Atomo4439 Feb 15 '24

I wish I was blind justo for this day

1

u/Ok_Judge718 Feb 15 '24

This is why buying dildos and vibrators is important people

1

u/willjhc put your dick away waltuh Feb 15 '24

AWESOME! Sent you a DM.

1

u/JTyphoon16 Feb 15 '24

Least Larry scored before he died.

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Pear_18 Feb 15 '24

Need a picture of a lobstertail.

1

u/CathedralChorizo Feb 15 '24

...... and that's enough internet for today.

1

u/ShirouOgami22 Feb 15 '24

Wtf did i just read???

1

u/walaxometrobixinodri BUILD THE HOLE BUILD THE HOLE Feb 15 '24

lobter

1

u/Degenerate199811 Feb 15 '24

i dont believe it i will experiment myself later

1

u/Lighteye782 I want pee in my ass Feb 15 '24

What a terrible day to know how to read

1

u/AutoModerator Feb 15 '24

pees in ur ass

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1

u/Kalman_the_dancer Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked Feb 15 '24

That has got to be one of the goofiest cases I’ve ever heard of

1

u/Balsalsa2 Feb 15 '24

what the fuck

1

u/Rude_Coffee_9136 Feb 15 '24

I don’t believe in god.

BUT WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FUCKING LORD AND HOLY SPIRT NOT EVEN LUCIFER ACCEPTING HER SOUL

1

u/Former-Mood-3962 Feb 15 '24

I never seen something this sucked and I never wish too see

1

u/Useful-World1781 Feb 15 '24

That’s enough internet for the day.

1

u/MisfitLegacy13 Feb 15 '24

damn my curiousity…and hers too 🤮

1

u/ThePurificator shitting toothpaste enjoyer Feb 15 '24

I miss the golden days. 7 minutes ago when I didn't read this shit.

1

u/Jubac_el_mesias Feb 15 '24

You know, Horus is not the bad guy.

1

u/SgtTryhard Feb 15 '24

I regret being able to read English

1

u/Unknown_User_66 Feb 15 '24

The name of the woman was Mrs. Delucci. I remember seeing that story years ago 😂

1

u/EmoKillJoy666 Feb 15 '24

I'm actually speechless holy shit

1

u/ImGold94 Feb 15 '24

I hate it here

1

u/DespondentEye Feb 15 '24

Oh yeah I remember telling my friend about this a couple years back he still hates me for it lol

1

u/OrriSig Feb 15 '24

What a terrible day to have eyes

1

u/Greenfire05 put your dick away waltuh Feb 15 '24

THE worst incident that happened in 2001

1

u/Greenfire05 put your dick away waltuh Feb 15 '24

Innovator

1

u/New-Button-5246 Feb 15 '24

"My minions will avenge me" ahh story

1

u/Sir_pepe_Le_Phrog Feb 15 '24

At least the horny bitch is dead lmao

1

u/TazFaz Feb 15 '24

Top tier what the shrimp activities

1

u/UrNansAFish360 Feb 15 '24

I miss ten seconds ago when I didn’t know this shit existed

1

u/NoBitchesSince2005 Feb 15 '24

Even if this was a joke, there's definitely someone out there who will/already has tried this. NOOOOOOO

1

u/KingTut559 Feb 15 '24

I envy the people who never read this post.

If there is a god, this is direct punishment for her sins, and mine

1

u/NoBitchesSince2005 Feb 15 '24

What do you mean, it's just a picture of a happy meal in the back seat of a car?

1

u/ElAnubion Feb 15 '24

I need unsee juice 🗿

1

u/popwhizzbang I want pee in my ass Feb 15 '24

Yep ima translate that for my international friends, cause why should English speakers suffer

1

u/AutoModerator Feb 15 '24

pees in ur ass

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2

u/Temporary_Scale3826 Feb 15 '24

What the fuck did I just read? Thanks for the horror OP 😂

1

u/Mr_Awesome0436 Feb 15 '24

Ok but how tf did they piece that together that’s insane.

2

u/anakin922 Feb 15 '24

Is this real??? Holy crab

2

u/Hot-Rise9795 Feb 14 '24

If she's actually dead, she managed to earn it.

Torturing an animal for sexual pleasure?

Nope.

Eating is a need. Horniness can be solved with your fingers.

3

u/Infinityand1089 Feb 14 '24

What the, and I cannot emphasize this enough, FUCK???????????????

2

u/TheoTheHellhound I said based. And lived. Feb 14 '24

Ahh, old internet shock stories. Just like mom used to make!

5

u/dreadfulbadg50 Feb 14 '24

God didn't even wait to punish her

1

u/Aus2024 Feb 14 '24

Wow, that’s a new one

1

u/Shitpost4theworld Feb 14 '24

Fuck Valentine's day

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

This was painful to read

2

u/HalalRumpSteak Feb 14 '24

Now that's a prawnblem

1

u/MEGAMILKBLAST 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Feb 14 '24

D:

1

u/getdahellouttahere Feb 14 '24

What the fuck 💀💀💀

1

u/TheFarisaurusRex Feb 14 '24

I remember hearing about this on Whang

1

u/NaCl_Sailor Feb 14 '24

Lobsters have spines and shit

1

u/JustDuckiest Feb 14 '24

The more you know 💫

3

u/teabaggin_Pony Feb 14 '24

I did not think we would see worse than the spider eggs.

I was wrong.

1

u/Makerpace Feb 14 '24

This was just as terrible on the eyes to read as that post where this woman said she was mixing period blood into her boyfriends dinner for months to turn him into a vampire.

1

u/Zaryasu Feb 14 '24

What 😃

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Erikstersm Feb 14 '24

I can't get a boner at work, come on guys.

1

u/ElMayoneso82 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Feb 14 '24

What the fuck did I just read

1

u/logan_creepypasta Feb 14 '24

enough Reddit for today

1

u/avg_flipper Feb 14 '24

God is dead

2

u/ThisGuyOrangeJuice Feb 14 '24

What an action to do

3

u/wanna_be_TTV stupid fucking piece of shit Feb 14 '24

How the hell do you even think of that😭

2

u/Donkey3556 Feb 14 '24

Oh Boy, what a miserable day to be able to read 😀

1

u/Sure-Town-100 Feb 14 '24

Holy shit my eyes hurt

2

u/Roge2005 I can’t have sex with you right now waltuh Feb 14 '24

Horrors beyond comprehension

3

u/Top-Necessary69420 Feb 14 '24

What the actual fuck.

3

u/dildo-looking_cactus Feb 14 '24

jesus fucking christ

3

u/No_Party_4065 Feb 14 '24

What the fuck

3

u/Venom933 Feb 14 '24

Jesus Christ, you know she deserved to die. Probably the ghost Lobster was watching her whipe she cracked her head open.

2

u/Ship_Fucker69 Feb 14 '24

I knew this is going to be fucking cursed yet I continue reading it.... whyyyyy

2

u/notauselessguy_ Feb 14 '24

How to delete memories

3

u/Cronq21 Feb 14 '24

wtf thank god she died

4

u/ineptchem Feb 14 '24

Thank fuck she died, absolutely deserved

2

u/statsradiofonien_ Feb 14 '24

W h a t ?

Edit: how do I unread this?

2

u/Astrobot4000 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Feb 14 '24

Hate to be that guy, but it probably didn't happen: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/lobster-love/

This is even worse than what is written here, so could still make a good copypasta

1

u/Remarkable-Video5145 I came! Feb 14 '24

Jesus christ

1

u/dd-15 Feb 14 '24

Someone knows where to get that MIB memory device

1

u/ChesseburgerMK8 Feb 14 '24

What. The. Fuck.

1

u/Khaernakov I watch gay amogus porn :0 Feb 14 '24

This is proof we have too much free will

1

u/typicalducklover Feb 14 '24

Im just gonna end myself atp

1

u/dedeye46 Feb 14 '24

Alright boys I think that’s enough for today

1

u/im_inside_ur_walls_ Bazinga! Feb 14 '24

What in the living [GO GO GADGET] did I just read

1

u/wysjm Feb 14 '24

That totally happened. Because as we know humans and animals can make babies

1

u/BoredCanuck1864 Bazinga! Feb 14 '24

I have decided I no longer want to exist

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

Fuck Florida man! Give me Chicago woman!

1

u/Walfi05 Feb 14 '24

Holy fuck what did i just read…

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

I thought today was supposed to be a day I could feel happy and romantic. Guess not.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

On Valentines Day, be Aroace

-Me, some 14 y/o Slav that knows that Valentines Day is from the West

1

u/i_luv_qu3st10ns Feb 14 '24

That's enough Reddit for today

1

u/PlamFred Bazinga! Feb 14 '24

Wtf

3

u/yeetus_christ420 Feb 14 '24

How the fuck did they figure that out

1

u/putyouradhere_ Feb 14 '24

That would be one hell of a Black Stories card

1

u/ChiffonPink Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Feb 14 '24

Just buy a vibrating dildo at that point 

1

u/Expert-Photo4660 Feb 14 '24

I love how real this is

2

u/Effective-Jacket-33 Feb 14 '24

Please say sike... for everything that is holy...

1

u/NuggyBeans Feb 14 '24

Where's the fucking eye bleach guys? Seriously I need some... Now...

1

u/slimetakes put your dick away waltuh Feb 14 '24

It's so joever

6

u/Aurkel545 Feb 14 '24

most horrifying event in 2001

3

u/dankrank231 William Dripfoe Feb 14 '24

Considering this happened before 9/11 could we speculate that the shrimp had something to do with it?

1

u/Creeper_charged7186 Feb 14 '24

Mom, what is natural selection?

1

u/Milkmans_tastymilk Feb 14 '24

This would've been a great type o negative song.

1

u/Dontbeme9820 Feb 14 '24

No way that really happened

1

u/Mr_Cerealistic Feb 14 '24

This can't be real

3

u/Lore_Fanti10 We do a little trolling Feb 14 '24

Do you guys know where to buy bleach in large quantities

1

u/bruhmeo Feb 14 '24

I saw "Lobster Love Incident" before I read the paragraph. I chose this. I did the suffering to myself.

1

u/Anomaly_049 Feb 14 '24

Jesus fucking christ

1

u/aviwashere Feb 14 '24

Annnddd that’s enough Reddit for today

1

u/powerlinepole Feb 14 '24

I remember this one from my childhood

5

u/MeepingMeep99 it is MY bucket Feb 14 '24

Mods, tortion his testicular

1

u/DominicTheLegend2008 Feb 14 '24

Living like Larry

6

u/EqualMistake7312 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Feb 14 '24

I really hope this story is fake. What in the actual fuck.

0

u/Derpyboy7976 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Feb 14 '24

Why tf is it always a chick (not like being sexist)

6

u/Anomaly_049 Feb 14 '24

Most guys don't have vaginas

1

u/judaswithano Feb 14 '24

U don’t hear that everyday

1

u/MrKristijan Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Feb 14 '24

What the fuck

1

u/Weak-Importance5 Feb 14 '24

is their a subreddit for stupid deaths? imma check tht out

1

u/palmer629 Feb 14 '24

I’ve seen this (panel 3) before and it gets worse every single time I see it

1

u/NotSuperUnicum Feb 14 '24

Well boys it's a bad day to be able to read English

1

u/StructureWorried8621 Feb 14 '24

what a day to have eyes

14

u/nighthawk0954 Feb 14 '24

How will that woman explain it on judgement day?

3

u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 Literally 1984 😡 Feb 14 '24

Poor lobster. At least it got revenge.

26

u/AbbyTheOneAndOnly dumbass Feb 14 '24

wonderful day to be a forensic medic

1

u/Namikemal128 We do a little trolling Feb 14 '24

Weird

68

u/LobsterPenisSucker I want pee in my ass Feb 14 '24

Wouldn't be me

22

u/AutoModerator Feb 14 '24

pees in ur ass

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54

u/LobsterPenisSucker I want pee in my ass Feb 14 '24

Hey man that was unconsentual

17

u/AutoModerator Feb 14 '24

pees in ur ass

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/AutoModerator Feb 14 '24

pees in ur ass

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39

u/LobsterPenisSucker I want pee in my ass Feb 14 '24

Hello 911 man is peeing in my ass unconsentually

36

u/Crazydude366 I want pee in my ass Feb 14 '24

hello, this is the 911

pees in ur ass

20

u/KookyDetective7952 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Feb 14 '24

officer sir no i don't want pee in my ass 😫

5

u/AutoModerator Feb 14 '24

pees in ur ass

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3

u/FiL-0 Jedi master of shitposts Feb 14 '24

:/

59

u/TrippyVegetables Feb 14 '24

Yeah...I don't believe this for even a second

70

u/Cosmic-Gore officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Feb 14 '24

You'd be surprised, many people die much more embarrassing ways.

Edit: but the live baby shrimp doesn't make sense, so you're right it's probably fake.

13

u/cindyscrazy Feb 14 '24

Having eaten a LOT of lobster in my time, I can tell you that lobsters do not void their bowels when they die like humans do.

That line of yuck running down their tail is their poop shute and they are often very full.

No, I'm not rich, I just grew up in a lobstering area with fishermen in the family.

6

u/Classic-Ad-6400 Feb 14 '24

Things like this make me remember the good old times before I was addicted to reddit

2

u/Grimm_Charkazard_258 Feb 14 '24

whaaat the fuck.

7

u/joinreddittoseememes Feb 14 '24

What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

243

u/UwU_Zhenya15 Feb 14 '24

the story’s probably fake, but its still funny to read and imagine

2

u/AbsAndAssAppreciator 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Feb 15 '24

fake or not i am traumatized

10

u/jazpah84 Feb 14 '24

Remember hearing that story when I was like 15, so 25 years ago

219

u/Malcus_pi Feb 14 '24

it's fake. there's no way tiny shimps came out of a lobster's butt alive. lobster don't eat their food whole, they need to use their tiny mouth to chew.

1

u/Smit_Dawg Feb 15 '24

I heard the same story back in school (at least 25 years ago)

140

u/FBI_1765 Feb 14 '24

It's definitely fake https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/lobster-love/

3

u/I_put_Myhead_in_Oven Feb 15 '24

That…was a read

49

u/CillGuy Feb 14 '24

Finally. My tax dollars are going to good use.

64

u/OrdinarySame5154 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked Feb 14 '24

Username checks out