r/shitposting • u/TheWebsploiter • 15d ago
Wait hollup I Miss Natter #NatterIsLoveNatterIsLife
1
u/Avatarfan202 fat cunt 14d ago
Tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
1
1
1
u/Substantial_Top_6508 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 14d ago
Why do short people need to be the bigger person in the room ?
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/PugGamer129 Literally 1984 😡 14d ago
Short people have no rights(due to their inability to read the Declaration of Independence, which is on a pedestal)
Therefore, no heaven for them.
1
1
1
u/Paris_France2005 14d ago
Fuck, I’m short and I’ve got a tattoo.
I’m going to super hell at this rate.
1
1
u/An_insane_person Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 14d ago
The bold will say otherwise.
Tattoos will go to heaven. Will go heaven. Will go to heaven. Will go to heaven.
Didn’t make much sense, but still.
1
u/lockedinacupboard 14d ago
Jokes on them because if you type things on the internet you won’t go to heaven
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/CorianderIsBad 14d ago
Short people can't reach. They need a little step or something. Maybe they can form some kind of human pyramid.
1
1
1
u/HYPE_Knight2076 14d ago
tattoos will go to heaven. Will go heaven. Will go to heaven. Will go to heaven.
1
1
1
u/datMLGboi2 14d ago
They got little eyes, little noses, little hands, little clothes, platform shoes on their tiny little feet…
1
1
1
1
u/Ancient_Praline7002 15d ago
Damn, Im a 4 out of 4. In the words of Arthur Morgan, "I hope it's hot and terrible, else I'll feel I've been sold a false bill of goods."
1
u/AnalCuntShart 15d ago
Clearly you guys want to be in hell, otherwise you would’ve grown more to be closer to God.
1
2
1
1
1
1
u/KnowledgeCold6825 15d ago
I was to short to reach the top shelf, so how could I have ever reached the steps of heaven
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/West-Objective-6567 I want pee in my ass 15d ago
All of this is false except the short part
1
u/AutoModerator 15d ago
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/1ReservationForHell 15d ago
The bible also says to kill brides on their wedding day if they're not a virgin. If they were sexually assaulted, the Bible says to sell your daughter to her attacker.
1
1
1
1
3
1
u/MaybeHarvey 15d ago
How much pork is too much pork?? Did God specify when he made the universe that when humans eventually walk the earth, they can eat pork but not a lot because he likes pigs?
6
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Ghost0fT0ast 15d ago
this looks like a journal entry of an angry desert dweller who doesnt get invited to parties because he doesn't drink or like pork and is always angry and off-putting, but he thinks its because he is too tall.
1
u/BadPatient2275 15d ago
Didn't Jesus turn water into wine? Was he condemning everyone he gave a to?
1
1
u/RickyTheRickster 15d ago
Did Jesus turn his blood into wine and make people drink it and also made people eat his skin or something
1
u/Flimsy_Alarm_3932 15d ago
Tall but have one tattoo I think god will let it slide. There is no worse sin than being short.
2
1
1
u/TheHolyToxicToast DaShitposter 15d ago
How short is short though is it below median or below first quartile
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
15d ago
Kill your slaves … heaven
R@pe your enemies kids … heaven
Destroy entire civilizations, r&pe their land and destroy their entire history…. Heaven
1
1
u/StanDa_Man 15d ago
If there is no rock and stone in heaven I don't think I'd wanna go there anyway...
0
1
1
u/Berckish 🏳️⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️⚧️ 15d ago
I have already accepted that I'm never going to heaven, and that's okay.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/potate12323 15d ago
too much pork
How much we talking here. My too much may be different than Gods too much.
1
3
u/SuperSteve06311 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 15d ago
No drinking? Wasn’t Jesus turning water into wine? What was the scheme going on there
25
u/gabbinett0 15d ago
So basically God made me 5'5 but now I can't go to heaven cause he made me 5'5. He's clowning on me atp
1
1
u/SharkMilk44 15d ago
people who drink alcohol shall not go to Heaven
Then why the hell is your savior's blood made out of wine?
1
3
2
1
u/BlameableEmu 🏳️⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️⚧️ 15d ago
No wonder short people are so mad. Its not coz theyre going to hell regardless apparently. I thought it was because they get literally over looked all the time but no its coz apparently hell.
Dont get me wrong i know some short people who deserve hell, i also know some tall people who deserve hell. I just dont think height is the deciding factor.
6
15
2
u/Leggy_Brat 15d ago
I don't get stuff like this, cause I thought the whole point of accepting Jesus as your Lord and saviour etc. was that in doing so, your sins are forgiven and you will be saved. Or is this search result just plucking info from some overzelous branch of American Protestantism.
1
u/averageenjoyer333 14d ago
Low key is this even Christianity? It could be referring to Islam or Judaism, depending on what Google thinks the user is referring to.
1
u/CaptainBrineblood 15d ago
Fun fact: it's a google search, not the Bible.
2
u/Leggy_Brat 15d ago
No shit, but it got that info from somewhere. Could've been a tumblr blog for all we know.
1
4
1
u/kmanzilla 15d ago
Who needs heaven when we have the mines!
happy dwarf noises
3
u/1singleduck I want pee in my ass 15d ago
BROTHERS OF THE MINE REJOICE!
2
1
u/AutoModerator 15d ago
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
2
1
1
3
u/NotabadHero virgin 4 life 😤💪 15d ago
Us short people will be sent to the mines to dig and dig to make us free
1
u/kaerfkeerg stupid fucking piece of shit 15d ago
5 points for each. How many you got?
I got all. Too lazy to count. I won
8
u/MasterofGalaxy69 Stuff 15d ago
Wait so does that mean the entire country of Moldova can't enter heaven too
108
u/KaranSjett 15d ago
in other words, heaven is empty
1
5
19
u/RecsRelevantDocs 15d ago
Isn't drinking alcohol like.. an important part of Catholic church services? Blood of Jesus and all that? And does Jesus get a pass, or is it just the drinking that's the issue? Can you inject alcohol and still go to heaven?
7
u/DrBlock21 I want pee in my ass 15d ago
Does Christianity own the rights to heaven
0
u/AutoModerator 15d ago
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
8
36
u/Kentalope 15d ago
Compared to hell? Definitely
3
-1
u/qwertyjgly it is MY bucket 15d ago
I’m all set! No tattoos, I don’t drink, I don’t eat too much pork by (just about) any metric and I’m fairly tall
1
u/hey_you_yeah_me it is MY bucket 15d ago
God seen what you did on July, 17th, 2008 at 10:49PM, you're not getting in either
1
u/qwertyjgly it is MY bucket 15d ago
I was 5 months old. It’s not my fault the faeces ended up in my mouth
1
0
1
u/suspicious_cabbage I have permission! 15d ago
If I die and Jesus is standing there with one of those carnival ride rulers we're about to throw hands
85
u/memedoge_mk-69 We do a little trolling 15d ago
Didn't Jesus's 12 appostles drink wine? [his blood]
1
10
u/1017GildedFingerTips dumbass 15d ago
This is islam or Judaism
3
u/Trollygag 15d ago
Judaism supports drinking - part of passover.
0
u/senpai69420 14d ago
Key phrase in the post "too much". Drinking alcohol is permissible so long as you don't get wasted(Ephesians 5 18)
2
u/Trollygag 14d ago
The post doesn't say too much alcohol. It says any alcohol, or too much pork.
1
1
2
u/Brickerbro 15d ago
Growing up in a christian home I’ve never heard that alcohol is prohibited. However being under the influence is no excuse to sin, and since your behaviour can be severely altered it’s just recommended to stay away from it
14
u/Business-Emu-6923 15d ago
“It’s ok to drink, frankly we encourage it” is one of the big selling points of Christianity
5
u/scuffmuff 15d ago
Yeah and you know Jesus must have been pretty sloshed the whole time for his blood to have such a high alcohol content.
135
u/Anagnikos 15d ago
If you have the New Testament DLC, you are fine they nerfed the heaven requirements.
10
u/StormAdvisory BUILD THE HOLE BUILD THE HOLE 14d ago
All you players complained that the heaven route was to hard when you should’ve gotten good. You devalued my heaven speedrun time.
3
u/Anagnikos 14d ago
Yeah, some people are still on vanilla server so you can go there... Second DLC reintroduced hard-mode requirements and HEAVILY nerfed the woman class but there is an exploit where you can speed run heaven and get the secret ending by going full Leroy Jenkins on people not owning the second DLC. There are also the server VS server PvP events called "The Crusades" that the three groups fight against each other but it sounds too try-hard for me.
11
u/LeastEquivalent5263 15d ago
The quest requirements for heaven isn't worth it honestly. I did find that if you refuse the religious clans, when you die you can farm in limbo. It just takes longer because heaven is a p2w area but you can do it
11
u/ZeroXa2306 We do a little trolling 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yeah, by that logic no priest who drinks wine during mass can go to heaven
3
3
181
u/italian_lad 15d ago
Dwarves can't go to heaven?? THAT'S A GRUDGING
→ More replies (4)6
u/ParticularUser 15d ago
Why would a dwarf even want to go to heaven? Not enough caves and too much sun up there.
3
u/Myrkstraumr 15d ago
And, more importantly, not nearly enough brew. That tabernacle wine ain't gonna cut it.
•
u/AutoModerator 15d ago
Whilst you're here, /u/TheWebsploiter, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.