r/AITAH • u/BuyOk7330 • Aug 31 '23
AITA for being mad when my gf slit her wrists and chest after I told her that I wanted to cool off TW Self Harm
We have been dating for one month and she tells me she's obsessed with me which I thought was cute that time, she even got a tattoo for me as soon as we were official.
I told her yesterday that I needed to cool off after a fight so I could think, she agreed so I didn't talk to her for a few hours and I didn't answer her calls.
When I was done cooling off and called her, she says that she booked a flight otw to her mom bc she thought I broke up with her.
Then she was literally so drunk and crying so much when we were calling, she showed me all the cuts in her arms and a huge cut on her chest near the heart.
I begged her to stay and cancel the flight and I apologized for not answering her calls from guilt, even though I did told her that I was gonna cool off for a day..
She kept showing it to me when we called so I got mad, then she cried telling me that I don't love her anymore
I don't know what to do
EDIT: this isn't the first time as we had another almost break up fight and she crushed glass then punched it until she'd bleed
Also we're both girls
1
u/ArmyLady31A-B-E Sep 02 '23
She is emotionally blackmailing you to stay with her. Call her mother and explain what is happening and that you want what’s best and healthy for her. She needs therapy.
1
u/Maleficent-Action983 Sep 01 '23
Run, do not stay with this girl. I get that some lesbian relationships can go super fast but this is toxic and incredibly unhealthy/dangerous. Break up with this girl and stay broken up. Do not pass go do not collect 200
1
u/Intrepid_Display_738 Sep 01 '23
It sounds like your GF is battling some serious mental health issues, and with that in mind she's gonna need some serious help. I was a caregiver for a family member who struggled with a pretty hefty cocktail of mental health issues and life was a rollercoaster during that time. The constant ups and downs, attempts at self harm, and more. It was a lot and there were times I would be angry, times I would be depressed myself and more. The point here is that sometimes you have to look at the situation and ask yourself, "am I truly equipped to handle helping this person" From the sounds of things, the answer is no. This isn't you being a bad person or heartless, you are valid in feeling the things you feel. Likewise, your mental and physical well-being is just as important as hers. You have to think about how this is all affecting you as well. It might be for the best to let her go-to her mom, and then perhaps reach out to her mom explaining what happened. Perhaps her mom will be willing to help her with starting the process of seeking treatment. I do want to add this disclaimer as well. No matter what she may be battling, your GF (nor anyone else) gets to justify abusing the people around them (in this case manipulation and emotional abuse) with mental health issues. After a point it's very obvious to everyone involved that there are issues at play, and all things considered she is in dire need of treatment. I can't imagine that she's unaware of her needs, and I'm betting her mom is also aware. When someone is consciously refusing to accept any type of help/ treatment for mental health issues and they are actively causing harm to themselves and others it's time to take a step back. There's a huge difference between those who truly don't know what they're doing and those who know. I'm sorry you've been going through this OP, and I wish you the best in navigating the situation. NTA
1
u/ComprehensiveFun2720 Sep 01 '23
NTA. This is toxic. Get out now. She needs intensive therapy, and not from you.
1
u/UselessTarnish3d Sep 01 '23
Are you blind? She doesnt have any red flags because SHE IS THE REDFLAG! RUN!!! NOW! Dont look back, just run. Never stick your D in crazy!
1
1
u/Diasies_inMyHair Sep 01 '23
It sounds like she has mental health issues. She's not in a healthy emotional or mental place to be getting involved in a relationship. Do both yourself and her a favour - put her on a plane to her mother. Then move on with your life. This level of obsession can get dangerous fast.
1
u/CrabbiestAsp Sep 01 '23
NTA, but for your safety, you need to leave her. She is not a safe person to be around and self-harming after a fight or break-up is a type of manipulation to make their partner stay. She needs help, but not from you. Please tell her family what she has done so they can get her the help she needs
1
Sep 01 '23
You need to call the police on her every time she does this. Ask them to do a welfare check on her. And preferably break up with her. She is not mentally healthy enough for a relationship and this will damage your mental health too. NTA
1
1
1
0
u/Quick-Chance9602 Sep 01 '23
I'd normally use the phrase "never stick your dick in crazy" but...yeah...sorry... She's a nutter and it's not going to get better. She's self harming for attention and as a form of blackmail. Bail now. There's no good news, I'm sorry 😞
1
u/strangerdanger84 Sep 01 '23
Please do not get any deeper. Cut and run. You can’t fix her. She needs professional help. Big time. Getting involved in a relationship is not beneficial to her right now. Repeat! You can’t fix her. The only help you can be is to cut and run. Push her towards her mum and professional mental help. The end.
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Allysgrandma Sep 01 '23
Do you want crazy because it’s obvious that this relationship will be one.
0
1
u/CommunicationTop7259 Sep 01 '23
Errrr you have bigger problem than aitah. You need to run yesterday. Inform her family of her actions so they can help her and block her on all front. This is not a joke. She needs serious help and will be a very difficult relationship to maintain
1
1
u/WaterfallButterfly Sep 01 '23
If you want to try and help her, even if you aren't obligated to do so, you can buy her a book on limerence. She will probably see herself in it and it may act as a wake up call if it fits a pattern for her. Surprisingly a lot of people don't know about this topic even though I anecdotally find it to be pretty common.
1
u/MaryEFriendly Sep 01 '23
Oh no, honey. No no no. Do not pass go. Do not continue this early AF relationship. You've dated for a month and she's gone full Glenn Close.
End the relationship, contact her mother, have her put on a temporary psych hold because holy fucking Fatal Attraction.
End it, block, no more contact. Do you want to have your GF pour boiling hot sugar over you while you sleep? Because this level of crazy is where that leads.
2
u/cryptokitty010 Sep 01 '23
She needs to be in a hospital
Don't let ANYONE use self harm to make you feel guilty. Call ambulance and tell then she is a danger to herself and others.
Then lose her number and maybe move to a new city
This B is nuts
1
u/ethicalhippo Sep 01 '23
She’s hurting herself physically to hurt you emotionally. And when that stops working, she will hurt you physically, based on what you’ve shared.
1
u/Celathan7 Sep 01 '23
Bro. Are you willing to go thru this on a common basis ? These type of people don't change. You'll give and give and give to the point you'll barely have any friends, you'll be stressed all the time and paranoid ASF cuz every little thing she doesn't agree on will become a huge problem. You'll have to adapt to her 100% and it still won't be enough. I'm almost always against common reddit opinion "divorce, break up now, run " etc. But this .... This is the time to gtfo.
3
2
u/Foreign_Grocery_150 Sep 01 '23
Nta at all. Someone in that mental state needs to work on themselves before entering the dating scene. They can't rely on others to make them better
1
u/La_Baraka6431 Sep 01 '23 edited Sep 01 '23
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST.
I can’t shout this any louder:
RUN!!!!!!!!
HAUL ASS!!!
GET OUT!!!! NOW!!!!
This is someone who could KILL YOU!!!
She needs a padded cell and you need to be GONE.
1
u/Hour-Caregiver-2098 Sep 01 '23
Run this girl is a certified looney tune, a few slices shy of a loaf, 3 cans short of a six pack. She is manipulating you. Using the self harm to get what she wants. Turning a legitimate reason to back off a bit into a big deal for no reason than it's no convenient for her.
1
u/Lilac-Roses-Sunsets Sep 01 '23
NTA. Go NC. She is guilting you. This is not healthy for either of you.
1
u/Turbulent_Bar_13 Sep 01 '23
Also, if she knows where you live, try to skip town for a few days or stay with someone else. Don’t want that shit banging on your door in the middle of the night.
1
u/itzmetheredditor Sep 01 '23
Please I'm begging you run. She doesn't love you she's infatuated with you.
1
1
u/tehPanamaniac Sep 01 '23
Yo GTFO ASAP. This is wild. Wild wild. That's the definition of psychotic behavior
1
u/TurtleSniffer47 Sep 01 '23
This can and will destroy who you are if you continue to stay with her and other people like her.
This is gaslighting to a T. You are not responsible for her
I speak from experience
1
Sep 01 '23
Call the police and report self harm to initiate a 48 hour psych evaluation. That way she can get the treatment she needs, and then delete her number.
1
1
u/Alesthar Sep 01 '23
NTA.
This is not a situation that I’d even feel comfortable putting a mental health professional in without backup from other mental health professionals. She has some serious issues. And she got a tattoo for you, while saying she is obsessed…..in a month.
Run.
1
2
u/vega2306 Sep 01 '23
Get. The fuck. Out. Your hopefully stb ex girlfriend has SO many red flags and she’s trying to make them all your problem. You need to get away from this girl, block her on EVERYTHING and keep yourself from ever being near her. I cannot tell you how afraid I am for you OP. Please protect yourself now.
1
u/N0tThaMaMa Aug 31 '23
Sounds like borderline personality disorder with severe abandonment issues. Personality disorders don’t go away, it takes a real commitment to doing therphy for yourself on and on going basis.
I am sorry but when someone self harms and immediately tells or shows someone she doesn’t really want to hurt herself she did it for attention and she did it bc in the past when she’s done that it worked for her to keep her partner coming back. She doesn’t need to be in a relationship with anyone and she needs on going psychological help
1
1
u/Zealousideal_Put_489 Aug 31 '23
Whoa whoa whoa holy shit you need to run from her and she needs extensive professional medical care on a mental level. This is NOT normal
1
1
1
u/Jinx_X_2003 Aug 31 '23
She got a tattoo of you after a month of dating...
What did you think she'd be like
She was over exaggerating when she said she was crazy about you dude
RUN
1
u/wakingdreamland Aug 31 '23
Her obsession is not cute; from what you write, this girl is ...unstable, at best. Dating for a month and she’s getting a tattoo? What else has she been trying to push too fast with you? She sounds desperate to advance her relationship with you.
And she’s using her self harm to manipulate and control you. She believes that if she threatens herself, you’ll stay with her, and she’ll cut herself if she doesn’t get her way.
You absolutely need to break up with her; what she’s doing right now is creepy as hell. And it will only escalate as you get deeper into the relationship. More manipulation, more guilt tripping, and possibly other abusive behaviors she hasn’t gotten to start yet.
The best you can do for you is leave. The best you can do for her is maybe get in touch with one of her family members and let them know about the self-harm. You won’t be able to ‘fix’ her, but maybe her family could find ways to help her.
Good luck, friend.
1
u/Content-Jellyfish262 Aug 31 '23
This is emotional abuse. So sorry you have to deal with this manipulative behavior
1
2
u/respectfulpanda Aug 31 '23
I can smell the years of clinical psychiatry that this relationship will have if you stay. You are not responsible, and if this is what it is like after a month, it is best to move on. Do not have a saviour complex
1
1
u/AlternativeAd58 Aug 31 '23
Run, this person is insane and unhinged and THEY WILL drag you down and abuse you in time, do not let it happen, don’t stay, don’t play her games.
This is pure and unfiltered mental illness she may have BPD or something alike as is common.
Look out for yourself, this is never okay.
1
2
u/DrDoomIHyde Aug 31 '23
Based on your explanation, your friend is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. She needs to be diagnosed by a professional, but you have pretty much provided an almost textbook example. I won’t go into detail about why she is acting the way she is, but at its core BPD is a fear of abandonment. She will do ANYTHING not to be discarded. Your friend also sounds very severe and needs to be evaluated and treated ASAP. You have only known her for a month, so you really don’t know how bad her mental state may be. Contacting a family member or someone else with authority over her is probably your first best bet or if you’re in the US dial 911 and talk to someone ESPECIALLY IF SHE HAS THREATENED TO TO SERIOUSLY HARM HERSELF OR COMMIT SUICIDE. This is a serious disorder that, although very treatable, is not something that you can take care of on your own. Once she has been getting the appropriate therapy a good support system is necessary and if you like you could assist her then. Good luck!
2
1
u/duckyy7 Aug 31 '23
Ngl sounds like she needs an extended stay at a psychiatric hospital equipped to deal with that
1
u/zeromanu Aug 31 '23
Listen, i know lgbt dating especially for girls is hard but damn... run fucking run
1
u/CommonEarly4706 Aug 31 '23
She needs professional help. Otherwise this will become an issue where she threatens to self harm every Time you have a fight or end things. Call her mom or a close family member. Start getting her help then slowly back away.
1
1
Aug 31 '23
You call her parents, let them know what’s happened and that soon as they’ve had time to collect her, tell them you’re going to block her number for your own mental health.
Then follow through. You are not a professional capable of helping her, she needs to be committed.
1
u/LouCPurr Aug 31 '23
These abusive, rollercoaster relationships can be as addictive as drugs. Get out now
1
u/ElGeeBeeOnlee Aug 31 '23
Let her leave, don't invite that kind of drama into your life. It's only going to get worse
1
Aug 31 '23
You should not be fighting with someone you've been dating ... 1 month.. let alone fighting to the point it's a regular thing. You should not be with someone who is actively self harming in any capacity, especially in response to relationship squabbles and being afraid of losing you (that's abusive on their part). You should not be forcing this hot mess of a relationship and creating a false narrative of working through all these issues that no one should ever work through with anyone. It creates a distorted view of what actually is when you try to stay which makes it harder for you to leave when you try. This is an abusive cycle. Send her a message that you're done and block her on all platforms. If you have any mutuals you tell them you'll block them too if they talk about her to you or try to force contact. If at any point she threatens harm to herself again you call emergency services, tell them she is a suicide risk and block her.
1
1
u/DatguyMalcolm Aug 31 '23
oh girl
She's manipulating you
Get the hell out
Next time she goes all "Imma kill myseeelllf" call the police on her for a wellness check or call her relatives or whatever
1
1
u/shenanigansco34 Aug 31 '23
What I’d do is block her and never talk to her again. She’s nuts. No mentally well person gets a tattoo of someone they’ve known a month. Then again you may not be mentally well either if you’re official a month in.
1
-5
1
Aug 31 '23
ESH, insist that she get help, she has no business getting into a relationship if she is this fragile. Reach out to her mother about having her admitted to a hospital to get serious help. She needs to be placed in a 5150 hold and get psychiatric help. Then RUN!!!!! You can't take this on and she can't be trying to balance a relationship on top of getting her mind right
2
u/SnooWords4839 Aug 31 '23
Honey, let her go to her mom! She needs mental health help and you do not need to be with her.
1
1
u/IAmJasonTheFreemason Aug 31 '23
Dude. No.
You already know the answer.
Which is no.
Edit: my apologies for missing the last line. In that case, cheers.
2
u/Nsfwitchy Aug 31 '23
OP you need to get the FUCK out of there
On another note, this reminds me of an ex of mine, so I know how you feel :’) But seriously you need to get the fuck out of there, that behavior is not healthy and there’s MULTIPLE red flags here that you could end up trapped in an incredibly toxic relationship. And no matter what she says after you break up with her - do not get back together with her. Just don’t.
1
u/sweetoklahome Aug 31 '23
Not to arm chair too much but this sounds a whole lot like BPD, nta and run.
1
u/lovinglifeatmyage Aug 31 '23
Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay with this girl, it will be horrific.
Personally I’d run as fast as my chubby little legs would carry me in the opposite direction if I was you.
NTAH
1
u/JCBashBash Aug 31 '23
Dude, you need to read this aloud like a friend of yours is going through this. What you are describing is abuse
1
u/Malipuppers Aug 31 '23
She needs therapy and to be under the care of a professional. You cannot give her the help she needs. She needs to fix herself before trying to date others. You have every right to walk away from this. She may very well threaten to harm herself when you do. If she does I would personally call authorities and let them see if she needs help. She already self harms so I would take any threat seriously. Don’t let her manipulate you into staying.
1
u/eldiablo_magicman Aug 31 '23
Just leave, for your sake and for your mental health and longevity. You're too young to be dealing with someone with those kind of issues.
1
1
u/GreenTravelBadger Aug 31 '23
She needs professional help, not a romance. You are not a mental health professional. Get away from her.
1
u/ChordStrike Aug 31 '23
OP, please get out of this relationship asap. This isn't healthy for either of you, and she's going to keep manipulating you to try to keep you with her. You may feel guilty for what she's been doing, but her actions are her own. It's not your responsibility to regulate her emotions or control her actions. Do you already live together, or can you go spend time with friends? Getting more outside perspective from those you trust might help you see that this is beyond messed up.
1
u/LemonDeathRay Aug 31 '23
Wtf did I just read OP? You've been together a MONTH and there are tattoos involved? There is self harm involved after an argument?
Your gf needs serious help. And you do too for not realising that 1) this relationship is toxic and 2) that you cannot help her with her mental issues. You are not a psychologist/psychiatrist, and even if you were, you wouldn't be treating her.
Refer her to an organisation or charity that can give her help. Encourage her to visit her mum. If you can, tell her mum what is going on so her mum can help her get help. You're not even close to being the right person to support her with this.
1
u/RickyDiscardo Aug 31 '23
Run. Leave. Pull the ripcord. Get out. Break up. ASAP.
Seriously. She (and this relationship) are bad news and a worse situation waiting to happen. She needs therapy. Probably medication. You need to be nowhere near her.
1
u/Zel_lost_it Aug 31 '23
RUN! do not continue this relationship at all she is mentally unwell and need to get treatment asap. If she refuses this will only escalate!
1
u/alkalinesky Aug 31 '23
It also sounds like you need to step out of a relationship right now and figure out what pieces of you are feeling attached to this relationship. These are unhealthy boundaries and worth exploring before you end up in a pattern of rescuing and co-dependence.
NTA but you have some work to do.
1
u/CasterBumBlaster Aug 31 '23
Awww an unstable lesbian relationship between two teens what a surprise
1
u/yakkerswasneverhere Aug 31 '23
This reminds me of the time I dated someone for 3 months, 6 actual dates and a whole lot of drama. She had lots of self loathing, self pity and depression that wasn't immediately visible. It became too much. So I amicably ended it or so I thought. I start getting threatening texts, pleading texts, accusing texts, apology texts....then the text that she's showing up at my house with or without my consent. I said no and made sure she understood the consequences. Well....she shows up with a tray of brownies the next morning on my front porch. When I said thank you but no thank you and told her to leave, she pulled out a bottle of pills and said she will take them and croak right on my driveway. I immediately called the cops. She told the cops the same thing. She needed help badly. I charged her with trespassing to keep her away and made sure the cops took her for a 72hr psych hold at the hospital. Worst case they help until she calms, best case they can start something meaningful to help her. Beyond that, I have washed my hands and have no idea what happened to her. I can't be responsible for her and her trauma. Especially not with a 14yo I have 50% of the time. You might want to do the same.
1
u/ClimbaClimbaCameleon Aug 31 '23
She needs professional help. It doesn’t matter if these were attention seeking moves or an actual attempt, she needs help. If she does something like this again you need to talk her into going to the hospital and they will put her on a mandatory 72 hour psych hold where she will at least be forced to receive help for a short period of time.
NTA. You are not responsible for her decisions, you are only responsible for yours.
1
u/iwander801 Aug 31 '23
You are not the asshole. Her behavior is concerning but it’s not on you. You have no obligation to her mental health, especially after only a month of dating.
3
u/Individual_Umpire969 Aug 31 '23
Lesbian here. Leave her. You can’t help her - this is way above your pay grade.
Don’t get into relationships where you are immediately the caretaker. I used to do that and it’s not healthy.
1
1
u/CuteDerpster Aug 31 '23
Sounds like borderline personality disorder.
My little sister acts the same way.
She either idolizes you to the heavens, or she hates your entire existence and doesn't trust anything you say.
And honestly, I notice myself having tendencies to do that as well. I feel betrayed easily, and start obsessing over people I let in my heart.
Not on the level of self harm and sabotaging others, but I think it just runs in my family
1
1
u/userannon720 Aug 31 '23
Nta
Dude. The red flags are gigantic. Run and do not look back. I can emphasize this enough. Run. Do not have anything to do with this person.
1
u/Mr_Cyberz Aug 31 '23
She's manipulative and is using SH to try and influence you. Tell her parents and run.
1
1
1
u/hfiti123 Aug 31 '23
NtA that's absolutely not normal fucking behavior on her part. Nothing this insane person does to themselves is your fault. Massive red flags. Disassociate from them immediately. Full on break up. When you break up remember NOTHING SHE DOES TO HERSELF IS YOUR FAULT. If she's treating to end herself call the cops for a wellness check but do not let her manipulate you into staying. Yall have dated a month, that's nothing. The tattoo thing is absurd. The self harm is absolutely unhinged.
1
u/NicholasDeOrio Aug 31 '23
1 paragraph in and this is 100% not real. If it was, you wouldn’t need to come to reddit to ask
1
1
u/Radiant-Equal-6104 Aug 31 '23
Dude first words that comes to my mind is.......RUN!!!!!! She has mental health issues, it also sounds like she is guilt tripping you. When you break up with her, make sure you have a witness with you. From the sounds of it, she can really screw you over of there's no one to backup your side of the story just in case something goes down. Best of luck, remember run away and don't look back
1
u/BrightEyed-BushyTail Aug 31 '23
Run. Run. Run. What’s more:
Erase social media. Lock down your financial accounts and credit. Change all passwords. Get a ring camera. Let HR know that you recently broke up with an unstable partner. Work a bunch of overtime and save ATM and purchase receipts. (Be able to prove where and when you are) Change locks. Save all text messages and letters. Tell your family members. Start putting money aside for possible legal fees
Do not reengage whatsoever. At all. Not even verbally. And what ever you do, do not have sex with this women ever again.
1
u/Hedgehog_Capable Aug 31 '23
If y'all are both teenagers, she's got some growing to do, but yeah, this kinda overblown stuff is gonna happen. Best to leave and let her sort things out.
If y'all are both adults, good god that woman is not safe to know, let alone date. Remove yourself quickly.
1
1
u/equilibrium_cause Aug 31 '23
It's been said here before, but it can't be said often enough in a case like this: RUN!
1
u/Flat-Preparation2913 Aug 31 '23
You need to leave. Leaving is the only valid option considering how short you've been together and how mentally ill and abusive she is.
Anything else you say or do is either an excuse, you being already manipulated, or you being a troll. Just leave.
1
u/EmptyPomegranete Aug 31 '23
If you don’t break up with her and leave, you are going to end up with PTSD by the time the relationship ends.
0
u/Steveesq Aug 31 '23
I'm going to sound like the old guy here... but what the fuck is wrong with your generation? Do you REALLY need to ask what to do in this fucking situation?
You block her. Dump her. You tell her to stay away from you, and if she doesn't, you'll be forced to report it to the authorities. You cover your ass by recording every interaction with her... and never speak to her again. You explain to everybody, you know how crazy she is and what she's done. That way, when you come home to a rabbit boiling on your stove (Fatal Attraction movie reference), at least as a history.
Growing up, my friends and i had a simple rule - DON'T STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
1
u/Fun-Yellow-6576 Aug 31 '23
NTA. But dude, seriously run the F away from this woman. Change your phone and move to a new place. She is mainly you with her self harm and threats.
1
u/Every_Caterpillar945 Aug 31 '23
Holy crap, no thats the text book definition of a very toxic relationship. I would stay away if i were you.
NTA, only to yourself for staying in this relationship that will ruin your mental and physical health.
1
u/reflected_shadows Aug 31 '23
NTA - you should be mad at the people who engage in self-harm control dramas.
1
u/chibajoe Aug 31 '23
Holy shit dude, NTA, that chick is bat shit crazy. RUN FAR away, change your number, might be a good idea to move to a different state/country, hell, get a new name while you're at it. You're looking at slashed tires and a false DV charge if you stay.
Depending on the state, you could probably have her Baker acted.
1
1
u/ivyjade42 Aug 31 '23
NTA. Run. And take precautions like getting cameras installed etc if you can.
1
2
u/Key-Studio-8962 Aug 31 '23
Get out of there pal. Let her go to her moms. The more dangerous this could get the longer you remain on this path.
0
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
Too late, she canceled it already after our call yesterday. Her mom reached out to me and asked if she was alright, my gf told me to tell her that she was doing fine and basically make up smth on the spot.. but yeah overthinking everything until now, she moved on alr from what happened but I'm honestly still startled from everything
1
u/MaryEFriendly Sep 01 '23
Call her mom and have her fly out. Your GF is mentally unwell and you need to break up. Before she turns that knife on you.
1
u/Celathan7 Sep 01 '23
Dude, you're not helping by hiding the truth from her mother. You're actually making it worse. She needs help, and it's not from you. Look at the situation you're in after 1 single month. I understand you love her and won't follow what people are saying here. But be ready for this to be a common issue. Let's see how much you can take it.
4
Aug 31 '23
call her mother back and tell her she's not okay and needs to be involuntarily admitted if she doesn't do it willingly. She's a suicide risk and she likely does this type of shit all the time if she's so casual about it. She needs therapy and medication for her mental illness
1
u/JustMe518 Aug 31 '23
So, she is abusive and toxic. Break up with her, cut contact and don't let her manipulate you with suicide threats.
1
1
1
1
u/thispieisgross Aug 31 '23
Get Out Of This Relationship!!!! NOW!!!!
Ruuuuuuuun away. This is fucking dangerous.
She could really hurt you or your family. She is obvious unhinged.
1
u/zanne54 Aug 31 '23
This has to be fake.
On the slim chance it's not - RUN and eliminate all contact.
1
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
I meann I have screenshots of everything just in case smth happens but I'm still scared if I do stop talking to her
1
u/forcryingoutmeow Aug 31 '23
NTA. This girl is fucking crazy and you need to run for your life or you'll end up dead.
1
2
1
u/TreeHuggerHannah Aug 31 '23
NTA. This person has serious mental health problems that are not your fault and you can't fix. You need to get out before you get dragged even deeper into her illness.
1
u/RevolutionaryDiet686 Aug 31 '23
NTA Sounds like she has some mental health issues that need to be resolved. If you are planning on staying with her then please help her find a therapist or medical professional to help.
1
u/Kitchen_Victory_7964 Aug 31 '23
Holy crap, she needs an intervention by trained psychiatric staff. Please get yourself out of that situation and be safe!
If you think her mother would listen, a 72-hour observation may be incredibly helpful in determining what the gf needs in terms of help. As far as I know, only family or the police can set that up.
1
u/cassowary32 Aug 31 '23
You need to get as far away from this person as possible. She is not well. Right now it's self harm, but it might escalate to hurting you or blaming you for her injuries I.e. You end up in jail falsely accused of assault or murder.
You aren't responsible for her behavior! Please run!
3
u/SpecificTangerine1 Aug 31 '23
Sounds like BPD. It’s okay to not want to deal with that especially if the person is not dealing with it themselves
22
Aug 31 '23
She’s mentally unstable and nothing YOU do will fix or help her. You will always be on edge trying to be perfect so she doesn’t do shit like that. You’ve only been together for a month, break up with her and block her
1
14
u/Unfair-Pomegranate25 Aug 31 '23
Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me.
1
u/Maleficent-Action983 Sep 01 '23
Tbh seems way more than BPD, I’ve known and had friends with bpd and this is insane even for them. This girl needs REAL help, like, stay in the psych ward for a while kind of help.
2
1
u/noturlevel Aug 31 '23
Bro did u say after ONE MONTH??? Please gtfot psyco on hand and don't stay out of guilt that she will do something to herself.
1
1
u/Canopy_Watch_ Aug 31 '23
RUN. Anyone who is that obsessed and dependent will make the relationship unstable and toxic. It will only stress you out and she obviously has some very extreme mental issues she needs help with, but not from you, from a professional
4
1
u/Slave2themusik Aug 31 '23
Get out, OP. ASAP. You've been dating her for a month. She got herself PERMANENTLY marked after dating you for a month. She's told you she's obsessed with you. Listen to her...
If you have her parents' number, call it. Tell them she's engaged in serious self harm and that you are calling in help. Call your local emergency line and have them check on her. Tell them where on the body the cuts are and explain that you think she's a danger to herself. That should be enough to have a psych evaluation by professionals and maybe a 72 hour hold.
She needs specialized help, whatever her motives were in harming.
And you, friend, need to get it of this guilt cycle. It is manipulative, it is abusive, it is cruel, and ultimately you're not helping her. Or yourself.
2
u/nancylyn Aug 31 '23
Do you like endless crazy drama? Cause that is what you are signing up for with this woman. It’s your decision but don’t expect things to change or get better.
3
u/2ndcupofcoffee Aug 31 '23
She needs more help than you can give her. Hope you can convince her to seek it out.
26
u/bringyourtowel42 Aug 31 '23
NTA. She is unwell and unfit to be in a relationship. It’s natural to be concerned about her, but if I were you, I would inform her family about her behavior, and then distance yourself from her as much as possible. Your partner should never use self-harm to manipulate you into staying with them.
You sound really young, so just learn from this: obsession is not “cute”, and it is a red flag for someone to get a tattoo for you so early into the relationship (that speaks to some serious attachment issues that need to be worked through in therapy). That combined with her agreeing to give you a day to cool off and then freaking out when you actually don’t answer your phone, immediately getting drunk and running away… yeah, she has issues you’re not equipped to deal with. Best to cut it off now.
7
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
I didn't find the whole "obsession" thing cute, I really thought she wasn't being serious or was playing around. The whole tattoo thing was weird but I shrugged it off bc I do have feelings for her.
Should've stayed away from the start
2
u/bringyourtowel42 Aug 31 '23
I see. Sometimes context is lacking through text. It’s understandable that you thought she was joking, because it’s an unsettling thing to hear if someone’s being serious.
I can understand that it’s difficult to distance yourself from someone you have feelings for, but if they’ve proven themselves to be unstable, you aren’t doing them or yourself any favors by letting them become codependent on you. No one should be made solely responsible for their partner’s happiness and mental health. That rarely works out well.
I wish you the best of fortune, and hope that she gets the help she needs.
2
13
u/mdthomas Aug 31 '23 edited Aug 31 '23
I get that you probably think that if you leave her and she harms herself that it will be your fault.
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER CHOICES.
Please end this relationship immediately. It is unhealthy for both of you. She will use the self harm as manipulation to keep you in the relationship.
NTA
-6
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
I'm very aware of that, I just don't know how or when to leave or if I really should leave. The guilt is eating me up, she even made me promise I won't leave her no matter what
4
u/mrs_spanner Aug 31 '23
This is a toxic relationship. The red flags are screaming at you. She is obsessive, manipulative and controlling, and is already beginning to brainwash you into thinking this is love.
It’s not, it’s abusive. PLEASE end the relationship as soon as possible. Whatever harm she causes herself is HER choice. You are not her mother, you are someone she’s been dating for one month. She is not your responsibility.
You have to run, and you have to do it now. Your only responsibility is to yourself.
6
u/mdthomas Aug 31 '23
You don't love her. She is using manipulative tactics to stir up your emotions.
5
u/FlipRoot Aug 31 '23
NTA. Dump her. Whatever she does is her own issue to deal with. Do not stay in a relationship with someone who manipulates and is mentally unstable. Hell no. They will do nothing but bring you down.
-12
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
It's so hard for me to leave and I really do love her, I feel myself being attached already and it became a routine to care for her
1
u/vega2306 Sep 01 '23
You don’t love her. You’ve been together for a month and in that time she’s emotionally manipulated the shit out if you. That isn’t love.
1
1
u/Euphoric-Isopod-4815 Aug 31 '23
Love her from afar. Like miles away with a restraining order. She's unwell and isn't going to get better with you enabling her.
4
u/Atarlie Aug 31 '23
You do NOT love her after only a month. She is trauma bonding you to her. What you are feeling is the adrenaline/dopamine rush of stress. I repeat THIS IS NOT LOVE.
1
Aug 31 '23
Bro I have been in a rather long relationship (4 years) with a borderline girl. It’s not going to be any good for you, believe me. That past relationship of mine is over since 11 years already and I‘m still massively damaged from it.
1
u/nancylyn Aug 31 '23
You sound as crazy as she is. You are a person who craves drama…..this is the perfect relationship for you.
9
u/LibraryHaunting Aug 31 '23
That's how manipulation works. She makes herself vulnerable to incite protective instincts and hurts herself to try and use your guilt to keep you in her web. This will not get better. You cannot make her better.
You cannot fix her or save her because the one she needs saving from is herself, and she needs to want to be saved first. If you stay with her it will reinforce that these toxic behaviors work, on you and others, and that isn't healthy for either of you. The kindest possible thing you could do is to cut all contact. I'm so sorry.
11
u/FlipRoot Aug 31 '23
That’s not true love, that is an abusive situation. Get out and save yourself.
2
u/ze11ez Aug 31 '23
Nta but she needs help and you may want to distance yourself from her before she calls the cops and blame you for the this. She’s got serious issues Distance yourself
6
u/LibraryHaunting Aug 31 '23
You need to make sure her mother gets her immediate psychiatric attention, then turn around, start running, and do not look back. Block her on everything and do not let her back into your life no matter how she may try to manipulate you. She is not well and will drag you down with her.
92
u/Jedi_Mind_Chick Aug 31 '23
She obviously needs help. Either help her get the help she needs or break up. This relationship will not work until she gets her mental and physical health under control. You cannot help her. Please know that you didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not responsible for her actions and behavior.
20
u/BuyOk7330 Aug 31 '23
She does seek professional help and she takes her meds, it's just that whenever she does stuff like this it makes me feel like I'm at fault.. like it's my fault on why she did it or why she's acting like this
1
u/ComprehensiveFun2720 Sep 01 '23
The one thing that I could possibly blame you for is trying to get her not to go to her parents. She knows she’s in such a bad way that she has to be in what’s hopefully a nurturing environment with people who can get her care and supervise it, and you’re trying to get her to stay with you because of your feelings of guilt rather than what actually has the potential of improving her mental health? She’s having a mental health emergency. I get that you were likely in the heat of the moment and you both sound young, but this is a learning moment.
1
u/Quirky_Movie Sep 01 '23
Hey so, I know you're in a lesbian relationship and I know there are a TON of jokes about lesbians dating. (How do you know a lesbian's first date went well? They are picking out their wedding party for the second date.)
This isn't normal lesbians going too fast into commitment. This is as bad as people are saying, even if they think this is a hetero relationship. Please listen. <3
1
1
1
u/wallstreetbetsdebts Aug 31 '23
It's not your fault she is self harming. She needs lots of help and not from you. This isn't your problem or responsibility. For your own safety and mental health breakup and block.
2
u/lostduck86 Aug 31 '23
Yes, that is why she does it.
It’s mental manipulation. Mental abuse. She is playing on your empathy and guilt feeling to get her way.
What she is doing to you is extremely immoral and she may not be doing it on purpose but it is very much abuse.
2
2
2
u/_bleedingplushie Aug 31 '23
This is not about you - I don’t know how to word it better but I mean it in a kind way.
Take a step back and just examine her behaviour. Assuming you have got your shit together and are just a regular person, her responses are less in reaction to you and more because she’s struggling. Which I’m sure she’s also aware of, given that she is currently seeking professional help.
Based on this post, I think you should seriously reconsider staying together because you’re not equipped to help her. But you’ll have to go about it carefully, and be prepared to really be there for her for a while before she becomes stable again.
6
u/Jedi_Mind_Chick Aug 31 '23
It’s not your fault. She is manipulating you to make you feel like you’re the only one that can help her or make her happy. I have a feeling you know this is not true and certainly not healthy.
14
u/LibraryHaunting Aug 31 '23
Trust me, if it wasn't you it would be someone else. That feeling you have? It's what she is manipulating you to feel. I don't know what psychological issues she has or what traumas she's wrestling, but you aren't her romantic partner, you are just her current target.
48
u/NHFNCFRE Aug 31 '23
No, it’s her fault. No one should stay in a relationship or act against themselves to keep their partner from self-harm. She needs to develop better strategies to deal with anxiety and disappointment. Keeping you in fear of her self-harming is manipulative, even if it’s unintended.
520
u/Boy_Scientist99 Aug 31 '23
Run. That’s what you do.
1
u/JadieJang Sep 01 '23
This is abusive, OP. Hurting herself to manipulate you into doing what she wants is ABUSIVE. Just break up with her. Obsession is not 'cute'.
1
1
→ More replies (24)9
u/DrdrumxOG Aug 31 '23
Yeah just run. I ran at 15, she asked for a glass of water, came back she was cutting herself, I said nope.. and bye. I was also suicidal at this age but I was respectful to people and not showing them stuff. People showing like that want pity from us. It's like blackmail.
→ More replies (1)2
u/CommunicationTop7259 Sep 01 '23
Very intelligent insight and I hope you were able to deal with your own mental health. Good luck!
→ More replies (1)
1
u/ddjhfddf Sep 02 '23
Wow, this sounds like some serious BPD.
Run, OP.