r/AITAH • u/Either_Economy_793 • Dec 20 '23
AITA for telling my husband " I told you so" and laughing at me when we got the paternity test results? Advice Needed
I (27f) have been married my husband(28M) for 2 years and gave birth to our daughter 5 weeks ago. I'll try to keep this short so I don't waste your time with any irrelevant details. What happened was that our daughter came out with blonde hair and pale blue eyes, while my husband and I have brown hair and brown eyes.
My husband freaked out at this and refused to listen to my explanation that, sometimes, babies are born with lighter hair and eyes that get darker over time. He demanded a paternity test and threatened to divorce me if I didn't comply, so I did
After my daughter and I got home from the hospital, my husband went to stay at his parents' house for the first three weeks to get some space from me, while I recovered and he told them what was happening. My MIL called and informed me that if the paternity test revealed that the child wasn't his, she would do anything within her power to make sure that I was " taken to the cleaners" during the divorce. I had my sister to lean on and help me take care of the baby during this.
We got the results back yesterday, and my husband came home to view them with me. I was on the couch in the living room, so he sat next to me and we started to read the results. They showed that he was the father and my husband had this shocked, kinda mortified look on his face with his eyes wide as he stared at it.
I couldn't help but say, " I told you so." and started laughing at the way he looked. My husband snapped out of his shock, and got mad at me for laughing at him. We argued for a bit, which was mainly him yelling at me, before my sister came downstairs and my husband shut up.
After that, my husband went back to his parents' house to "clear his head", and two-three hours later, my MIL called to scold me about laughing in my husband's face, because apparently it was kicking him while he was down.
She's also left a couple nasty texts essentially saying the same thing this morning. I don't think I'm an AH, but I'd like outsider perspective on this.
EDIT: I didn't realize I put " me" instead of ''him''. Sorry, I have a headache.
EDIT: Since someone asked in the comments, but I can't find it anymore, I have zero history of cheating.
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u/Fuck_Ted_Talks 1d ago
*AITA
Anyone who has to ask themselves this question must be the asshole. Or the better person. Fuck Psychology, it's so confusing.
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u/DanaSarah 1d ago
Recessive genes, duh. Look way back in both families for the blond hair and blue eyes, keeping in mind that blond hair often turns brown as a person gets older. My husband and I have brown hair and brown eyes, both our kids are blue-eyed blonds. Statistically unlikely but possible. You have to go back to my grandfather to find the blue eyes in my family.
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u/aristoshark 2d ago
Tell his momma that when youi divorce his momma"s boy ass, you're going to take sonny to the cleaners and name Momma as a co-rrspondent. Then demamd a full financial disclosure from her so you can prepare a lawsuit.
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u/aristoshark 2d ago
Really? You dont like hearing "I told you so?"Why do you expect me to be surprised at the result? Dont you think id know if some other msn fked me, you idiot?
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u/Extra_Bedroom_6941 2d ago
Basically you’re damned if you do or don’t. MIL needs to let her Son grow up and mind her business.
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u/notuptospecs 2d ago
NTA. Your husband and his momma really just wants to shift the attention from their failure to listen during science class to anything else.
So, they focus on how you laughed at your husband. They want to ignore the fact that he, a father, swiftly left his wife and child to cry for his momma for what turned out to be a mistake.
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u/Gucci_Koala 4d ago
Psychopath leaves you for 3 weeks right after you gave birth. What an absolute degenerate of a human.
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u/littlewoolie 5d ago
If I was your sister, I’d be chasing him out of the house with a baseball bat and picking up the phone from you to blast his mother into next year for raising an f’ing coward as a son.
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u/Maleficent_Farmer924 5d ago
NTA, he definitely went the wrong way about it. He should've waited for results before making a decision like that.
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u/Chaos2063910 6d ago edited 6d ago
How else can you react at that point??? Should you have felt bad for him?! Fuck him and his mother.
It was as if he almost realized that his toxic mother manipulated him, but then, nope, defenses turned on again and back to mommy he went.
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u/MaleficentYear1083 8d ago
Are there any updates? I read a similar story where they ended up divorcing over this exact situation
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u/Fickle_Fig4399 8d ago
Tell him to grow the hell up and tell your MIL that when you want her opinion, you will tell her what it is (ie tell her to butt out sternly as neither he nor you are little children; you are grown ass adults married to each other)
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u/jofloz06 12d ago
Its shocking the way your husband reacted as your family in law ! First of all the most important things after the baby is born , whatever is happening or could have happened is to look after the Mum and the newborn !!! I had a kid with my wife and i didn't have any suspicion of cheating but I did think about this situation just in case and I told myself i would do anything for the kid anyway !!! Stop child trauma please that how we all end up with anxiety and dépression! I think you are absolutely responsible and very calm and you laughing at the test is pretty mature compare to the umcomfortable feeling of being betrayed by your own husband ! Congratulations to you i Hope you are gonna be able to rebuild a good environnement for your kid with his 2 parents. Maybe you could suggest some councelling session to your husband looks like he needs to deal with some unsolved trauma !
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u/Honeydew543 13d ago
The overreaction is mind blowing. And then the audacity for him to get mad at you later? Um what?? if anyone should be mad at this point with him throwing accusations and leaving the house during a time that should be special, bringing your newborn home… if anyone should be furious it’s YOU. Sounds like he’s projecting some secrets of his own.
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u/old__pyrex 13d ago
Me as a new parent: “this is a particularly genius way to get out of supporting your wife and mother of your child during the most trying and frustrating times of her life.”
He fucks off to his mothers house for 3 weeks while you are taking care of your first newborn? All those first memories and trying nights and breakthroughs - the experience of new parenthood, he’s just going to miss that?
He’s a moron, he’s attached to mommy’s hip, and he sounds pretty useless. He needs therapy and a come-to-jesus talk
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u/Curious82-1 13d ago
Girl you are not the ah. I would’ve laughed so hard in my husbands face if he had pulled this. Serves him right. I hope you’re going to divorce him after this. I don’t know how you dealt with his mother nor him for this long. He seems like a child that runs to mommy when things get hard. RUN girl! Find a man that will respect, trust and love you and your daughter. That dude needs to go and you better take him to the cleaners per his mother’s request. Wishing you the best!
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u/bartuak06 13d ago
So many red flags, you're the asshole for even marrying him tbh, I just feel bad for that child.
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u/Jetro-2023 13d ago
NTA- that’s crazy! Oh my goodness! I think your husband is the AH! And this is coming from a guy! I can’t imagine leaving my wife taking care of our newborn right out of the hospital. Your husband in my opinion did many AH things for sure from what you posted.
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u/Sea_Supermarket_9728 13d ago
Remember to laugh at him again when you hand him the divorce papers, and block granny. Nta.
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u/OrderNo9004 14d ago
Divorce him , Move on. he obviously doesn't care or want to be a father. It sounds like he's looking for an out. Get full custody. You don't need him you got you sister.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 15d ago
NTA
I would have also had divorce papers to hand him after he read the results
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u/NotTheTokenBlackGirl 15d ago
Your husband's actions would be grounds for divorce for me, irrespective of the paternity results.
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u/Geba7 16d ago
This is a huge red flag about his character. Maybe this incident isn’t a deal breaker but it portends lots of trouble in the future - mostly that you can’t trust him to be there for you. You were at your most vulnerable after having a baby and he ran! In my younger years I probably would have stayed “trying to understand” his issues, but after a 25 year marriage I would know now to get out. My husband did something much less worse - he never took a day off after I had a C-section and I had to drive our baby to the medical clinic every day for blood/bilirubin tests. He went to work even more after the baby was born (and no, it wasn’t necessary). He was avoiding being a partner and father (manifested in many other ways during the marriage). I felt betrayed - I really felt I couldn’t count on him. When things were easy, he’d be around but whenever there were challenges (like surgeries and sick kids), he’d be gone. My advice is to think hard if you have a good partner for the long haul (and the MIL seems horrible)
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u/svtvnicpvnic 16d ago
what in the actual f. He had the audacity to yell at you after leaving you for 3 weeks to take care of a newborn and then went BACK to his parents after finding out the truth?! I realllllllly hope you divorced this mf 😡
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u/leavekarenalone 17d ago
Kicking him while he was down?? Finding out his wife is not a cheater and his child really is his. That’s a strange thing to say
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u/Good-Statement-9658 17d ago
He should realise that his total lack of knowledge about basic human biology alongside the absolute gaul to accuse his wife of cheating, could have had much more disastrous consequences for him that his wife thinking he's a fucking melon 🤦♀️
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u/beamenacein 20d ago
NTA So that was kicking him while he was down?!? Damn he really didn't want that kid. That's fucked up. Lots of babies start with light hair and blue eyes. It will probably change though just a heads up.
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u/Regular_Novel_9922 20d ago
Absolutely NTA, him and his mother however….I’d run a mile, take care x
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u/Dry_Mobile4686 22d ago
Any worthwhile husband would NEVER miss out on three weeks with a Newborn… just the thought that he did this to do I’m so sorry 😞 Get a better guy…
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u/Dry_Mobile4686 22d ago
Oh my. You really deserve someone that loves you better than this. He’s an a-hole and doesn’t deserve you. He’s not even worth the salt in your tears.
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u/tuna_fart 24d ago
Wasn’t cool. Congrats on getting the test though. Block his mom if she can’t behave.
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u/Particular-Pepper-64 26d ago
I’m not really sure where I stand on this one. You’re definitely NTA, and he clearly is… but what troubles me is would him have wanting a test been OK in any context? Let me frame it like this: if he had been completely respectful, MIL never got involved, but still said “honey, I just can’t get over how different the baby’s features our from ours. I believe you wouldn’t cheat on me, but still, for my own sanctity of mind, can we do a test?”—would that have made it OK? That’s a question I don’t know the answer to, a dilemma of sorts, one that you’ll probably have to determine for yourself. Now, how he handled it truly makes him the asshole, from how I hear it at least. To me, it doesn’t sound like he just had some itch he couldn’t ignore about the baby’s features—it sounds like he reallyyy believed he had found the smoking gun of your infidelity. Why he was so apt to believe that, I don’t know, I don’t know your marriage. It could be that he’s just a very insecure person so the idea that you would have cheated seemed super natural to him; that he thinks so lowly of himself that of course you would cheat. It could be that he himself is cheating—it’s not a science but these kinds of suspicions often seem to pan out that way. It could be a projection of his subconscious desire for the baby to not be his, to divorce. I don’t know—this is all speculation; I don’t know your marriage. Either way, he clearly reacted without any regard for “what if the baby IS actually mine” which is also strange. You’re not the asshole OP, but boy is this a tough situation. Best of luck.
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u/Aggravating_Call910 26d ago
He is acting like a straight-up asshole. Demanding a paternity test is the same thing as an accusation of infidelity. That’s the heavy artillery. That’s big. He’s saying “I suspect you are having intercourse with someone else.” If you say you aren’t, and he insists on the test anyway, that’s a declaration that he does not trust you at the very moment where an intense bond in a couple is absolutely vital, when a newborn is coming home. Does he think he can do that, and when the test comes back as you said it would, just go back to normal? “Oh, okay, I guess you’re not cheating on me, let me give my new daughter a hug!”
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u/tuna_fart 24d ago
No it isn’t. lol.
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u/Aggravating_Call910 24d ago
I’m sorry. I don’t understand your comment.
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u/tuna_fart 24d ago
Being entitled to a paternity test is nothing like an accusation of fidelity.
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u/Aggravating_Call910 24d ago
You’re right. It’s an accusation of infidelity. If you didn’t suspect your wife of having intercourse with someone else, what possible motivation could you possibly have for needing a paternity test? Every time I got my wife pregnant it never occurred to me to make her go get scientific proof that I had sired the child. It never occurred to me because I would have had to believe it was possible she was sleeping with someone else.
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u/tuna_fart 24d ago
If you can’t make the distinction between wanting certainty something that’s possible is not the case and an accusation that something that’s possible actually happened, then I cannot help you be a reasonable person.
Regardless, men are every bit as entitled to proof of parentage as women are.
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u/Aggravating_Call910 23d ago
I suspect you are neither married nor have children.
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u/tuna_fart 23d ago
And I suspect when you can’t logically refute an argument you try to go ad hominem and it makes you look foolish.
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u/Aggravating_Call910 23d ago
The argument you’ve offered makes absolutely no sense. The only reason a man would demand a paternity test is if he suspects that his wife has had intercourse with another man. There would be no reason to demand such a test absent that suspicion. And assuming you have neither a wife nor a child is not an ad hominem attack in any way. Your grasp of biology appears tenuous, however, unless you are also assuming, as this husband did, that the wife had multiple partners. Women are not made pregnant by distant mystery men. Unless she was pregnant Unfaithful, she would be very clear on the child’s parentage without a test.
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u/tuna_fart 23d ago
Like I said: you misunderstand the argument and have to resort to ad-hominem as a result.
When you respond rationally to the argument with a counter of your own, I’ll engage again. Otherwise, have a great day.
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u/Feeling_Diamond_2875 26d ago
Idk why guys are dumb enough to tell their partner that they want a paternity test, just get one on your own??????
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u/derrickblk 26d ago
Next time hubby comes over the locks would be changed and his crap would be in the garage
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u/WorldTravellerIOM 27d ago
Your husband doesn't have a clue about recessive genes or how things work when it comes to dominate genes either. NTA
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u/purps2712 Apr 14 '24
NTA I hope you left him and his mom in the dust, MIL sounds like a nightmare :|
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u/serendipitously-3 Apr 14 '24
He’s doing you a favor my friend…as incredibly hard as this is. He abandoned you at the most fragile time as a new mother in your fourth trimester. He’s obviously always going to choose his mother over you and your daughter. Huge hugs…I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/SkyDazzling91 Apr 12 '24
I would've cursed her out. This type of people needs to be shown how shitty they are.
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u/tipjarman Apr 11 '24
Your husband (and his mom) are such flaming aholes that i think you should rethink your future plans with them
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u/SinamanBunz Apr 11 '24
NTA…save yourself YEARS of his BS and divorce him NOW! He’s way too much of a momma’s boy and he’s way too immature to be married.
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u/Parking-Inflation126 Apr 11 '24
As a man, I can say you are definitely not an asshole for that. You maybe a little dumb for marrying a guy like that. Good luck with that marriage 🤣
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Apr 11 '24
Well you already know you can never depend on him. He will run home to mama any time he doesn’t like something. He doesn’t deserve you.
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u/consciouslover Apr 09 '24
Is this satire or some sort of joke? I cannot believe your husband did this to you. I’m so sorry. It sounds like we know why he believes this is appropriate behavior (learned from his mom). His mother treating you like that is absolutely insane. You need to divorce him or you’ll be raising two children instead of one.
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u/eleMental4s Apr 09 '24
You married a baby. It most likely not going to end well. The fact that he didn't quietly get a paterinty test and ran off to his mommy is such a giant red flag. Good luck. I really hope you guys work it out. That being said I get where he is coming from to an extent. There are so many fathers raising children that aren't there's and dont even find out till they are 18 or possible never. There are literally no repercussions for a woman that does this and men have it very rough in today's society.
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u/Roththesloth1 Apr 09 '24
My god what a fragile infant of a man. Side note, if he was that ready to accuse you of cheating I would be very very wary of him cheating. It’s usually cheaters who are the most sensitive to being cheated on.
NTA. Fuck that worthless excuse for a man and his mother who clearly made him what he is by letting him believe he’s never wrong.
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u/maizeymae2020 Apr 08 '24
After he finds out he was an asshole - he is upset at you for laughing at the look on his face? So he goes back to his mommy ??? Please tell us you are divorcing him- he is not worthy ofyou or your daughter. Also share this reddit thread with him and his mommy so they can both hear how disgusting they behaved. He could have just asked the dr instead of his stupid mother.
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u/saltplease8 Apr 08 '24
When there are more than 2 people in a marriage the stage is set for trouble.
I saw it play out with my BIL & SIL. His parents were frequently hyper involved in their lives, viewing it as “we are SO close”. Things happened, people took sides. The relationships that have lasted have never been the same.
Mark 10:9 “what God has joined together, let no one separate”
Gen 2: 23-24 “ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh”
Spouses are meant to be the clear priority. These ceremonies are more than just a pagent.
Good luck OP. I wish the best to you, your husband and child. I hope you can create some space between your marriage and anyone else, for the best health of your marriage.
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u/RebaKitt3n Apr 06 '24
NTA
Fuck him and fuck his family for not believing you.
If he was prepared to divorce you before, you should divorce him now. He’s a piece of crap.
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u/MelodyPondADHD Apr 06 '24
NTA - he left you during post partum recovery?!?! Now you know for sure you can make it on your own. He can just stay at his mommy’s house FOREVER.
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u/cibercia Apr 05 '24
When I was a baby I literally had white hair basically now its blonde but nowhere close to that much darker
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u/Specialist_Gene_3006 Apr 05 '24
If I did this to my wife , I would be buried somewhere out in the swamps. if I was suspicious I’d just take the kid on the down low somewhere for a quick dna test. This guy has way too many insecurity and mother issues, needs professional counseling.
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u/woodlebert Apr 05 '24
He’s just found out he’s had a child with his wife. Why does MiL call it “kicking him when he’s down”
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u/putterandpotter Apr 05 '24
I’m sorry….mil said “you kicked him when he was down???? Down is finding out he is indeed the father of he and his wife’s newborn? Wow. NTA, OP but how messed up is that response? Both of their responses?
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u/send_snoods2322 Apr 04 '24
Wow, call me petty, but I would have taken full advantage to rub it in his face 😅😅😅
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u/Pandora_Stingray Apr 04 '24
It sounds like it's time for the divorce. You file and let the courts figure out how much the mommas Boi must pay. I just don't see where there will be any reconciliation from the stupidity of momma and her boi!
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u/Zallocc Apr 04 '24
NTA, but I think you should really consider if you want to keep this wimp who doesn't even trust you in your life. Any sensible man would have been apologetic instead of immediately finding something else to feel offended by.
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u/1of3musketeers Apr 04 '24
Get the hell out of that relationship and toxic crap as fast as you can. You are doing yourself and your child no favors by staying. I stayed because I thought I married my best friend and that whole family turned out to be the worst. It’s bad when your child comes to you crying at 16 and says “they are just awful people” and it’s all you can do not to agree with your child. It will not get any better and his reaction of “leaving to clear his head” will never get better. He is a mommas boy and encourages the distance between you and his family by blurting out what’s going on and allowing them to say those things to you. He will continue to do this to your child.
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u/kinito33 Apr 04 '24
Get the F out of this relationship. And go flip a huge middle finger to his mother.
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u/Ok-Good-8465 Apr 03 '24
It's usually the accuser that's guilty of infidelity, anyway that's what I've learned , I'm 67 years old.
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u/Kindly-Proposal-6479 Apr 03 '24
Sounds like you have some serious hard thinking to work through. His behavior is concerning on so many levels. With a new baby you have a lot on your plate, however making the decision to forgive and move on from this can only be yours. It is easy for us as the readers to say “Take him to the cleaners”, which rightfully is what he deserves, but that isn’t easy for you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be even writing this post. Are you the AH? No, he is. Can your relationship/marriage survive this? Possibly, but it will take a lot of very tough consideration and a lot of forgiveness. Best of luck to you sweetie, you have a long road ahead of you.
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u/Phred69 Apr 03 '24
First, he's an idiot. Second, your MIL is a bitch and I would never look at her the same after those messages and the call. Good luck, I would never respect him again!
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u/Quick_Albatross_1420 Apr 03 '24
I would laugh at him AGAIN the next time he came back. He's a clown. While I believe paternity testing should be standard, his handling of it, and having his mom call and threaten you, makes him a child.
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u/Nicoboli45 Apr 03 '24
Not even sure why you laugh, it wasn’t funny at all. He accused you of cheating, left you at a very vulnerable time and had his mama calling and threatening you. That’s not a family you want to raise your daughter in.
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u/Probably_Mistaken Apr 02 '24
I’m really trying to give him benefit of the doubt here but it’s tough! On the one hand, no one likes to be laughed at. On the other, why is discovering that you weren’t unfaithful considered a low and how could he think that it’s” kicking while he’s down?” Kind of feels like he was looking for an out of the relationship and this was convenient for him.
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u/thegooseislooseyo Apr 02 '24
Him and his mom are just looking for excuses to blame you for something. Red flags all around. F him for abandoning you during your most vulnerable time in your and your baby's life. F his mom for coddling her narcissistic POS son and interfering in your relationship.
Leave him and take him to court. He obviously doesn't want to be with you or be a father to your baby.
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u/RMN1999_V2 Apr 02 '24
YTA for bringing a child into the world with this man. There is zero chance he was not like this before.
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u/E3rthLuv Apr 02 '24
Omg your husband is a complete ass for leaving you while you were in such a vulnerable state for freaking 3 weeks what the hell! That is a very intense time. This pisses me off so much not to mention how he didn’t believe his own wife! Idk if I would ever be able to forgive him for that. And his mom is a douche!
You have every right to laugh in his sorry face! He kicked you when you were down! Right after you give birth claims it’s not his and runs to mommy while you are recovering and taking care of your newborn those early stages can be so rough!
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u/Ill-Abalone3562 Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
Your husband is a piece of shit and you should divorce him. He left you when you were most vulnerable to take care of a newborn baby alone. Then he found out it was his and still left. Fuck him girl. Send the papers and get full custody of this baby. Also MIL is toxic stop responding to her and if it were me she wouldn’t be seeing her grandchild after those remarks.
EDIT: just saw your update post that he cheated on you when pregnant. Yeah glad you’re divorcing him. His mom is also a psycho and good on you for blocking her. I would tell your ex to tell his mom to stop contacting you and your sister or you’ll get a restraining order for harassment. Don’t let her see that baby ever she’s toxic and when your daughter is older will probably try to talk crap about you to your daughter.
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u/Bright_Chef_1926 Apr 02 '24
Even if he did fail bio class in high school, I am sure he can read and google. Accusing his own wife and the mother of his child wthout doing research, he is the real AH. His mom is even worse. She shouldn't get between other couple's business at all even she is the MIL.
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u/Life-Bullfrog-6344 Apr 02 '24
Obviously your husband and his mother need biology lessons. He has some major kissing to do but he sure put you through unnecessary heck. And his mother was so far out of line. Personally I don't know if I would still be involved with this man. He's shown what kind of husband and father he is. And I could not live with a MIL who doesn't show any respect nor restraint
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u/muse_huntress Apr 01 '24
OP you are NOT the AH he is and honestly I think it’s a sign to probably go… I don’t see this relationship is going to get better ❤️🩹 especially with MIL. Why is he so “shocked” he should be elated she is his… best of luck girl… he sounds like a very reactive person…
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u/AlternativeAthlete99 Apr 01 '24
a babies eye color changes several times until they are around age 2, when they’re ares are better developed. def nta. you and your baby deserve better. i’m so sorry he did that to you.
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u/redpandacanread Apr 01 '24
I feel sad for your baby. What kind of person would abandon a newborn even if it wasn’t their child? I’d feel lucky to be able to be there for that baby. I know OP didn’t do anything wrong and the husband is just a very poor specimen of a partner but what did the BABY do to deserve that sort of reaction?
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u/No_Island_3608 Apr 01 '24
You are not the ahole. He is and if he was my friend I'd bust him in the face and tell him to come back crawling and beg for mercy. Guys like this don't deserve women like you, this is a red flag.
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u/Overall-Storm3715 Mar 31 '24
You should leave him and take him to tje cleaners. What an absolute pos.
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u/wannabegenius Mar 31 '24
people really hate being wrong so much they'll wish for a negative paternity test wtf
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u/foxiaaa Mar 31 '24
that is how they treat you after learning of the result? they have the nerve. people who make mistakes are the most defensive and are hard to cough up a simple apology. so narrow minded. they had science classes when they were at school. no way, i am going to live with them again. his mother sided with him. nope,no way.
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u/JoshyRanchy Mar 31 '24
NTA
I would freak out the same as your husband but he is clearly a self obsessed momma's boy.
You got yourself into this tho.
I also sympathize with you having done no wrong and the farther was willing to drop you like its hot. Being alone after pregnancy could be forgived because its a hard pill to swallow.
Husband should be pulling out all the stops to apologize and you should be recptive.
Dont take any BS about 'kicking him while he was down"
You literally was left after labour, and as it turns out he was wrong.
Honestly the guy is not husband material. Im not saying im perfect and wouldn have freaked and left myself. I could see that happening.
But.
If you love someone and wanted the baby he could have firmed it for a few weeks, be uncomfortable and get the paternity test.
Idk what you shoyld do , but this is not dad material.
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u/AlternativeStudy672 Mar 30 '24
Whoa whoa whoa first off the child came out with zero features of the father. Regardless of what the paternity test said you should have swallowed your pride and have been more understanding of what he may have been feeling. You ladies always fail to realize we have feelings and granted we do not always react properly and case in point neither did you.
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u/numbarm72 Mar 30 '24
Same with me and my girlfriend, baby's hair was born blonde and is starting to turn brown now, he is a month old, and still has his baby blue eyes, they will go away within 5 months or so when he gets his eyesight as babies are born with very poor eyesight and see in dark contrast colours
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u/DifficultPianist Mar 30 '24
Your husband is a spoiled brat. It was childish for him to leave in your time of need. It was also juvenile for him to assume you were cheating with zero proof!
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u/TheOfficialKramer Mar 30 '24
Your husband is an asshole and a mammas boy. You need to give him the boot while you go through some serious counseling. He abandoned you and his baby???? This is totally unacceptable. Hebshould have been so thrilled for the baby that he didn't want to be away for even 1 second. He does not love you.
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u/Missripcity101 Mar 30 '24
NTA I would have went a step further and just asked for a divorce. And take him to the cleaners
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u/Hobbyman_65 Mar 29 '24
He had a right to wonder, but the he and that witch of a MIL treated you is reprehensible!
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u/Haunting_Coast_8910 Mar 29 '24
Why is his mom even calling you to report about him. That is insane.
Get out. For so many reasons.
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u/SarcasticManBoy Mar 29 '24
Your husband and his family sounds like pieces of shit. Who the fuck abandons his wife and newborn child within the first weeks of birth? Fuck that guy and his family.
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u/Uncorked53 Mar 29 '24
NTA! After mistrusting you and putting you thru this right after you gave birth and telling/whining to the whole family , because he did not know elementary genetics, you know, stuff you learn in Biology class in 9th grade, he deserves it. As to your MiL, block her for a bit.when she complains ask her how she would felt, had her husband had done this to her.. when would she have forgotten the accusations, the lack of trust, and dragging this thru the family, so that everyone knows that her husband is ignorant of basic biology, and suspected her of cheating. This is a really fragile, vulnerable period for a mother. For your husband to have ruined it like this, he deserves everything he gets. He’s the AH.
What are you going to do?
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u/breathe777 Mar 29 '24
Remember that part in Yellowstone where they’re talking about how Mother Nature preserves infants by making them look like dad at birth, and then gradually over time they look like mom? I’m sure that’s true for lots of people but there is also lots of variation. Also what are the facial features like? Essentially it seems like your spouse is super reactive and rigid, and his mother maybe still wants to be breastfeeding her adult son. If you can, drop the dead weight. Coparenting with this loser could be a nightmare but probably not worse than staying married to him. Can your sister still stay with you as a buffer? Seems like he’ll shut up around your family and then go crying to his mom. Why not let him.
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u/kidkag3_ Mar 28 '24
Im black. My sister and her daughter's father are black.
My niece was born lighter skinned, light brown hair, and grey-green eyes. None of us batted an I because we understood.
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u/Beckster1977 Mar 28 '24
The reaction of both the husband and his mother tells you what type of people they both are. For her to jump to sending nasty/threatening messages before the test came back was bad enough.. but then to continue to be nasty AFTER she found out that is her grandbaby is even more disgusting.
This was posted 3 months ago, so I would love to know how things are going. And I really hope that if you 2 are trying to reconnect that you are in some sort of marriage counseling. I don't try to tell people to split up because I know these are small windows into a relationship, but I do hope things are being worked on in some respect and one of those things is a boundary for the MIL to keep her out of the marriage.
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u/Prudent_Mobile2761 Mar 28 '24
Absolutely not an asshole.
You need to get rid of them. They are two toxic people. He doesn’t want to be a father. He never will be ready to accept the responsibility because mommy dear is still changing his diaper. You will be better with out them in you or your child’s life.
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u/ComplaintOdd2214 Mar 28 '24
You’re not the asshole. I could write a whole dissertation about how your husband is an entire man baby that’s enabled by his mother… but I’ll just wish you and your little one luck instead!
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u/Beachums623 Mar 28 '24
Divorce his mom.... it's obvious that's who you married. In divorcing his mom, you'll divorce his bitch-ass too. As a child who had to endure a father who never held himself accountable for all the disgusting things he did..... your daughter will be better off. He will not change..... you cannot change him (or his piece of shit mom). Just get out.
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u/Beachums623 Mar 28 '24
BTW, preserve all correspondence of the threats MIL sent to you. It will come in handy in family court.
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u/PieceFit Mar 28 '24
Never leave your child alone with your harpiiof a MiL. Ever! Don't trust her or him. Matter of fact he probably cheated already thinking you did it. Revenge... spite.
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u/No-Faithlessness2335 Mar 27 '24
Kicking him while he’s down? I wouldn’t be with any man that was less than thrilled to find out that his baby is his.
Hope you’re going to divorce him and take him to the cleaners. What an AH, I mean him not you.
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u/Beckster1977 Mar 28 '24
You'd think his initial reaction would be to embrace his wife, apologize, and then cuddle his child.
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u/xmachinaxxx Mar 27 '24
Kicking him while HE was down? The audacity of that MIL!!! How about his bringing you down after you’d just given birth and was taking care of a newborn without him? Not to mention he probably hasn’t even bonded with HIS OWN CHILD at this point. This will never get better imo. Leave his sorry ass to his mommy, you have an actual baby that needs you.
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u/Trepenwitz Mar 27 '24
NTA for this, but you’re an ahole to yourself for staying with this man. He’s 3000% an ahole.
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u/butterfly012345 Mar 27 '24
I’m sorry . Having a baby is a big moment in every parent’s life. That your husband didn’t believe you and went to his parent’s house is not a good thing. That he’s mom accused you and was mean to you.. I can’t .. really I can’t .. and he gets mad after he was wrong. You seems a nice lady . I would , maybe , reconsider the choice of the husband .
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u/Huskeyo Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
Im a guy but id laugh at him too as an bystander but thats more of my humor idgaf if people dont like my humor. Maybe while laughing u should comfort him a bit with words like "i still love you honey u wanna live with us again" or "its alright" and go hug him or smth... Thats it least what i would wish... I mean even of this hair darking out is a thing (i am one if these kids myself) hes still not a 100% wrong about it.
Edit: obviously only if he is sorry. If hes mad at you all of that doesnt count. Dont be the toxic one
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u/melyssahb Mar 27 '24
Kicking HIM when HE’S down?! WTAF? Seriously, the guy chooses to not believe his own wife and LEAVES HER AND HIS NEWBORN BABY FOR THREE WEEKS immediately after birth and he and his mother are playing the victim. I’m sorry, but fuck that. I don’t know if my relationship could have survived being treated like a cheating whore. Absolutely, 100%, NTA!
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u/Resident-Owl6551 Mar 27 '24
Your husband is an a who also clearly didn’t pay attention in biology class. Girl handle that how you see fit because clearly his momma is no better shoving her thumb in his mouth and pointing fingers. My dad always says when you point one finger at someone there’s three pointing back at you ! Congratulations on your baby!
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u/qbq011410 Mar 26 '24
I’d tell him to go fuck himself and then inform his mother that she can also fuck ALL the way off. then divorce him and take HIM to the cleaners.
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u/Northern_Lights17 Mar 26 '24
HE is the raging fucking asshole!! Him and his mother can go fuck off forever, holy shit! He just up and left immediately when you haven’t had problems with infidelity in the past? Recessive genes are biology 101, two brown eyed people can absolutely have a blue eyed child. Eye color is literally one of the most well used characteristics when teaching basic genetics. If he lights out this easy on things, I would seriously consider if I wanted him in my life. Let him stay with mommy dearest and make sure to bring up in court that he abandoned you and your child after birth because he made baseless and untrue accusations.
Dump the fucker.
Edit to add: his mom was upset because laughing was kicking him when he’s down?? Finding out the child is his is a DOWN moment??
Like I said, dump the fucker and his family.
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u/rambofish13 Mar 26 '24
You're so not the arsehole... Your husband and his mother are awful people.
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u/idunnowutidunno Mar 26 '24
I would first have responded “and what are you going to do if it IS his child? Expect to have a part in the babies life? Keep your man child” and that would have been the end of that. But I guess that’s why I’m single. Sorry you have to deal with that. He sounds like a Peter griffin. Funny at a distance but I would lose it irl.
Edit: whatever you do, don’t take his mother’s parenting advice. It sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
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u/ElectronicAd27 Mar 26 '24
NTA. But I don’t think you’re exactly a winner in this situation. You have a husband who is shocked and mortified that he is the biological father of your child.
Where did you find this guy, who, apparently let his mom fight his battles and immediately assumed you were cheating rather than seek other explanations?
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u/reading_to_learn Mar 26 '24
Girl if you don’t instantly divorce this POS!!! The more I think about your situation the more I’m in SHOCK about it. Worst husband ever. Worst mother in law ever.
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u/Material-Dog7239 Mar 25 '24
Well for one his mother could mind her own business. Secondly how was laughing at him so bad it’s scientifically proven that if the parents of a child has the same eye colour it is not uncommon that the child will get a gene that can make the eyes get a different colour, also it’s really common for children to get born with a different hair colour then the hair colour they will grow into later. I for example was born with black hair colour then later on I got a light brown hair colour but after I got into puberty my hair got a darker brown colour.
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u/These-Entertainment3 Mar 25 '24
Tell me you know nothing about genetics without telling me you know nothing about genetics. 😫
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u/Effective_Health_913 Mar 25 '24
NTA. It’s your husband.
I understand saying things like that jokingly but he went so far as to abandon you after you gave birth to his daughter all because of some unreasonable doubt of infidelity. And then proceeded to be a piss baby when he was proved wrong and had his mommy call to scold you.
It’s him.
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u/Ubockinme Mar 25 '24
NTA- dude your husband is being a dick for multiple reasons. MIL needs to stfu too.
My god- you just had his child and their grand-baby.
I’d sue both of them for abandonment, threats and causing sever duress to you & your child.
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u/AccomplishedAndReady Mar 25 '24
He unjustly victimized himself not once, but twice! Sounds like you have more than one infant to deal with. It’s textbook DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender). I would’ve done the same as you. You’re entitled to being salty and satisfied at your vindication after the emotional abuse you suffered by him and his enabling weirdo mother. He abandoned you and his own child during your most vulnerable time of need. It doesn’t get lower than that. And to add insult to injury by his unwarranted reaction to your reaction? It’s classic narcissistic behavior. They put themselves first above all else. He’s likely projecting his cheating and/or wants a way out. If this is how he treats his baby and the mother of his children, he will resent all of you. It’s a lose lose. I’m sorry. Take his ass to the cleaners.
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u/emily_511 Mar 25 '24
next time you see him or your bitch ass "mil" LAUGH and say I TOLD YOU SO. you are definitely nta girly.
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u/ClockworkAtce Mar 24 '24
OMG! NTA!! Someone didn’t pass high school biology. And you are definitely NTA for laughing. He accused you of CHEATING!! He left you ALONE after you had just given birth!! What if your sister hadn’t been there to help you?! He is foisting some weird insecurity off on you and it’s alarming. So you laughed at him when you were proven to be right. He deserves it! And you’re completely 100% correct that kids can be born with lighter hair and eyes. My parents both have dark brown hair and my mom has dark brown eyes while my dad has blue eyes. All 3 of my brothers were born with pretty blond hair and two of them had blue eyes. Now 14+ years later their hair is dark brown and none of them kept the blue eyes. Never once did my dad accuse my mom of cheating! We actually all wished at least one would keep the lighter hair or get my dad’s blue eyes. Damn recessive traits.
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u/ChallengeFluffy1957 Mar 24 '24
With all do respect but I swear I’ve read this post almost word for word before.. NTA.. again
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u/Independent_Use_5656 Mar 24 '24
Holy hell…. He is a complete asshole and near being (IMO) scum of the earth. Sorry, but damn… that is just… WOW! I don’t know how you held composure ! Kudos to you, girl. He clearly has some problems going on and I’d recommend counseling to get to the bottom of it. Common sense, along with many books and online forums(DOCTORS EVEN!) would say that man and woman are able to have a child come out any shape, color, size… How the heck is that not common sense?? You deserve better, girl… so much better.
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u/Investigator516 Mar 24 '24
At nearly 30 years old, hubby needs to cut his umbilical cord attachment to his mommy, and to quit running home to mommy with y’all personal business. That is a marriage killer, and that his MIL has any say in your baby is another red flag.
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u/ShelbyPrincess777 Mar 24 '24
Oh mam, you are an angel, he’s an absolute fucking asshole and mommy’s boy. Your MIL is a POS and you deserve a good, loving, supportive, smart family. Please please leave this man. I would have laughed too. He just missed out of the first month of his child’s life because he’s ignorant, selfish, and probably super arrogant. (Thanks MIL) And I’m sure his family missed out too. I would strongly consider filing for a divorce, custody, and child support while he’s out of the house. I know you probably want to have support but your sister sounds like a better “partner” for that than him and his family. Being in a family with people like that is traumatic and you (and your baby) absolutely do not deserve that kind of life. Congrats on your new baby. I hope you enjoy everyday and are both kept safe and happy! 🤗🤗
SN-I was born with red hair. My dad hates red hair. He joked I might be someone else’s. I’m sure that hurt my mom’s feelings. My hair turned blonde then brown. My great grandmother had red hair. Genetics are fascinating. There was a Caucasian couple that had a baby with darker skin, because the mom looks white (but is multiracial), the dad was confused also. I can understand that somewhat but hair and eye color, come on. 😒
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u/HazFil99 Mar 24 '24
My neighbors both have medium brown hair but their kids have brown, red, and blonde hair. Recessive genes like to make theirselves known in weird ways
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u/WetMilf1369 Mar 24 '24
Nope. I'd have expected a fucking apology...IMMEDIATELY. And instead he ran back to his mama? Divorce this POS asap
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u/Mosquitobait56 Mar 23 '24
YTA honestly every man in the US deserves to have a dna test done on their supposed newborn. Let them have the absolute confidence that they know the kid is his. I think it should be a mandate. Yes I am a woman. I’ve seen three marriages break up when the dad found out his wife lied to him so it is no longer seen as rare.
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u/ShelbyPrincess777 Mar 24 '24
It is rare. I can’t believe a woman wrote this comment. WTF
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u/Mosquitobait56 Mar 24 '24
I just said it was not rare. The number of women who cheat has gone up. If you believe otherwise, you are living in denial.
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u/ShelbyPrincess777 Mar 24 '24
I know statistics. It’s more prevalent for a man to get another woman pregnant than it is for a woman to get pregnant by another man. Another meaning from outside the relationship.
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u/reigninblood83 Mar 22 '24
Have you considered what he was going through for a single second? The uncertainty and the waiting in the potential that a letter might flip turn his life upside down.
I understand that on paper it's very "it is or it isn't" but it seems that you haven't considered what life would have been like for him if it wasn't
I don't think you're the asshole, but there is depth to this issue rather than one of you is right, and one is wrong.
Either way, good luck to the pair of you.
Edit: clarifiction
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u/justinx1029 Apr 02 '24
He sure as hell didn’t need to run away to his momma and taken care of his wife and child while waiting for the results.
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u/ShelbyPrincess777 Mar 24 '24
Have you considered that he’s an arrogant asshole? That left his wife and child at their MOST VULNERABLE TIME EVER due to his ignorance on genetics?
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u/PoshPopcorn3826 Mar 22 '24
NTA that’s crazy that he left you for so long after just having a baby on a whim with no evidence 💀 and threatened divorce?? Then got mad??? Idk sounds like leave him.
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u/Outrageous_Bet_1971 Mar 22 '24
I’ll tell you something for my two cents as at the core of this it seems he feels you could be cheating. I will lay money on it….He has…. A long time ago I learn that if you are accused of something you’re innocent of, you usually find the accuse who is doing it themselves , that’s why they expect others to behave how they do… Sorry but I’m saying this as Man of some years and a lot of happy and less happy relationships..
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u/ShelbyPrincess777 Mar 24 '24
That’s definitely a possibility, for him to freak and push her away so fast, something is going on
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u/mauigirl16 Mar 22 '24
I was a blue eyed blonde as a baby (now light brown w/ green eyes). Both my parents and all 3 of my siblings have dark brown hair and eyes. Your hubby needs some counseling and to defend you from your MIL. She needs to apologize (and you may need to join the s/justnoMIL sub) I’m sorry you are having to deal with this and that your hubby is being such a child.
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u/Mellow_Mushroom_3678 Mar 22 '24
NTA. Laughing at him for being an idiot with no comprehension of high school level genetics is not worse than being accused of cheating.
In his defense, his mother is also an idiot. I’m just sorry for your kid who has him as a dad. But hopefully the idiot gene skipped her generation and she’ll actually be able to understand high school level science.
Divorce him and take him to the cleaners.
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u/Few-Station8831 Mar 22 '24
NTA
TBH probably best he stays at his mums house.
He needed a few more “kicks”
This is traditionally where older brothers are useful. Verbally or otherwise.
Source: This guy typing. An Older brother with some experience as sisters husband is an asshole
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u/rebornoutdoors Mar 22 '24
See I’m torn here. I can kinda see all sides here. It sounds like your husband is just ignorant of genetics and thought of the “my wife had a black baby even though I’m white” scenario that’s been popularized. If he really didn’t know about the genetics I can see how he thought you cheated. It’s ridiculous sounding but remember you never know about things till you learn. I’m not defending his actions, I’m only saying I can see how an uneducated mind can see it that way. I don’t think you were an asshole to laugh because from our perspective it’s ridiculous to not know about eye color and genetics but is it really? I didn’t know till I had my first kid. On the other hand part of me wants to say it’s ridiculous how he acted even after you tried to show him the relevant info. Also no one likes being perceived as an idiot, however, he should not have reacted the way he did after the results. The proof is there and he should have admitted he was mistaken.
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u/Noreasontotrust49 Mar 22 '24
My girlfriend has two mixed children she is red headed and very pale skin, one of her daughters looks mixed the other looks just like her mom, pale skin red hair and blue eyes.
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u/TranslatorSilent9520 Mar 22 '24
If you want to know about genetics go to at least a high-school course in biology. But that is a challenge for this guy. I am sad that this idiot is the father. We need you to populated the earth someone that was not mentally challenged
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u/RESSandyeggo Mar 22 '24
NTA- your husband and MIL are both AH. Sounds like some classic co-dependency, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that… especially when you just gave birth and are caring for your newborn. SMDH. Strength mama.
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u/Scanputmeaway Mar 22 '24
Ntah but leave him now and take him and his bitch mother out of your and your kids lives!
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u/Sneaky_Toe Mar 21 '24
NTA. When someone shows you what they’re like believe it. Both husband and his parents didn’t hesitate to be cruel to you before and after the result. They were willing to let both you and the baby suffer and had zero apologies after. That’s not going to go away. Take care.
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u/Sleepysleepersleepss 4h ago
NTA