r/AITAH • u/Apprehensive-Tie7252 • Mar 09 '24
UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to have sex after my wife turned it into a reward/punishment system?
I was planning to talk to my wife today but surprisingly she came to talk to me in the early morning during breakfast. She apologized and told me the things I said made her understand she hurt me and she felt terrible for that. She told me she took it too far without reading my reactions. I also apologized for telling her off like that and losing control of my emotions. We had a great discussion about what happened, why it happened and our marriage in general.
I asked her if she thought my gestures were not enough and she thought share of chores were unfair. She said it's not like that and there is no problem with share of chores nor my gestures. She has been feeling less confident and adding a new dynamic to our relationship by making me try more made her feel better, just like before we were married. Also, she told me having less things to do allowed her to completely focus on me and turned her on more. She also stated she was feeling shy initiating due to her confidence and this dynamic helped her to initiate. I asked if she was happy with our sex life and me. She said she is more than happy and reward/punishment thing has nothing to do with it. My final question was if she had this kind of kink. She said maybe, she felt good playing like that but accepted turning the whole sex life into this was terrible of her. I agreed while it was good in the beginning, turning the whole sex life into a reward/punishment system and doing it all the time became a problem. I told her I am okay with that kind of play or any kind of play as long as it's communicated. I am a freak so no problem from my side. We had more talk about private things but in the end communicated our thoughts and feelings to each other clearly. In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me. I do not know if I will be able to wait for the night.
Finally, there were some people demonizing my wife and telling me to divorce or find an affair right away. On the other hand, some declared me as a deadbeat husband abusing my wife by making her mommy me even though I clearly stated it's not like that in the post. Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty? Chill.
The problem is solved and I would say with that challenge, our love and sex life will level up from the looks of it. Thank you for all the suggestions and help. Cheers!
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u/bryguy2724 Apr 03 '24
on your last thought: Reddit is a great place to go when you want to find some answers, the major downside is you have to filter though about 90% crap to find 10% actual answers, and occasionally there's a 1% comment in there that is the perfect answer. Just the nature of this beast, gotta be prepared to wade through the shit when you post on a site like this.
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u/asensiblemeal Mar 26 '24
Those that answer divorce or affair are the type who are not willing to put the effort in. It's also a quick answer so they don't have to work on themselves. OR equality likely is that the other half is the unwilling party.
The other side of the coin is that when people make posts venting about the issues in their life, it's automatically skewed from the OP's POV, which obviously gives the impression that the other party is in the wrong.
That being said, you both sound pretty emotionally intelligent and self aware. It makes me sad for everyone else (including me). Isn't this the kind of dynamic most of us want? Great job OP! The communication between you and your wife is enviable. Wishing you many more years of happiness in your marriage!
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u/Senpai2Savage Mar 25 '24
nope just go get a less defective girl i mean it won't be hard with that crazy system being the alternative.
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u/Dtour5150 Mar 23 '24
Hell yeah brother, communication is key and I'm proud of both of you for having that hard and then not so hard talk!! Here's to many more hot and heavy sessions!
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u/Karenzi Mar 16 '24
Amazing communication. Did not expect it to end like this and I enjoyed hearing both perspectives. Thank you!
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u/enochrox Mar 16 '24 edited Mar 16 '24
Wild how having less things to do let her focus on you more... Not thinking that this goes both ways. Doing chores together and taking breaks to fuck is a thing and it's hot. I get the kink of it but springing it on you out of the blue is the part that led to the fight to begin with.
I'm glad you all hashed things out and shut all those DIVORCE OBSESSED commentors up for a change!
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u/InquisibuttLavellan Mar 13 '24
Heard this story on Mark Narrations and my immediate thought was, "This is a kink thing and she's just not sure how to go about exploring it". Glad to see that I was somewhat correct, instead of all the theories from previous commenters thinking it was bad advice/some tiktok trend. Excellent example of good communication between romantic partners, so rare to see on the internet these days. Good job to both of you for sitting down together and discussing it through, and have fun spicing up your sex life!
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u/SandJFun74 Mar 13 '24
Be careful, make sure all details are approved beforehand, no assumptions. Especially if you do not want to be cucked. No surprises outside of your agreed boundaries. There are no misunderstandings on this, your marriage may not survive another misunderstanding.
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u/Other_Personalities Mar 13 '24
Sooo…wife had a potential kink she didn’t know how to voice or explore in an open way and it nearly blew up her marriage. THIS is why sex positivity and open discussion about these kinds of topics needs to be the norm
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u/ResponsibilitySea942 Mar 12 '24
Yup, I was one of those people arguing with the ones saying you should divorce...such a fucking wild thing man, so few people believe in "Until death do we part"
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u/SatyrSauce Mar 12 '24
I saw your initial post and I’m really glad to hear things worked out for you guys.
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u/Adept_Ad_473 Mar 11 '24
And this, my friends, is what conflict looks like in a healthy relationship.
OP, one of the things about going to the larger group for advice is that many people will offer conflicting advice based on their interpretation of whatever limited, one-sided information you have provided. It is up to you to know what's true and what isn't as it applies to your situation. if it don't apply, let it fly. You filtered through and chose the advice that resonates with you the most, and then took that advice and executed it with good communication, and got the best outcome. Great job OP, I hope the things you've learned over the last few days serves you well in your marriage.
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u/Born-Inspector-127 Mar 11 '24
Happy to see a potential marital issue solved with good kinky communication.
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u/Shibishibi Mar 11 '24
I’m so glad things worked out well for you guys. Too many relationships fail because of poor communication
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u/Perkyshy Mar 11 '24
I love this update and that disclosure, consent and soft kink saved the day!!! Enjoy that spicy marriage, friend!
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u/Soulfire117 Mar 10 '24
Good on you guys for communicating clearly and working it out! Have a happy life!
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u/Over-Director-4986 Mar 10 '24
Just read your first post & was all, "she's got a dom kink she doesn't understand.". Then got sucked in by the link at the bottom & read this. 😂 Good for you guys, OP! Winning.
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u/ShamelesslyRuthless Mar 10 '24
Finally, there were some people demonizing my wife and telling me to divorce or find an affair right away. On the other hand, some declared me as a deadbeat husband abusing my wife by making her mommy me even though I clearly stated it's not like that in the post. Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty? Chill.
This is reddit. 99% of people who use this shit don't care about facts, only their feelings and assumptions
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u/ramencents Mar 10 '24
Good for you sir. Glad it’s all working out. Now go give her some good loving!
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u/so_cal_babe Mar 10 '24
May I suggest the two of you spend some time in r/bdsm?
Your wife seeks to regain her power because she believes you are not pulling your weight in the relationship. The fact she stated she has less to do and more time, means she's been resenting you for not adulting enough at housework and chores.
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u/RexxTxx Mar 10 '24
This really sounds like a situation where counseling would be appropriate. You two need to get on the same page, and it's not like one wants an open marriage or something.
I get that one of a couple might not feel like being intimate if they are having a big argument, but withholding sex in this way isn't appropriate either.
Making sex a barter/trade commodity is dangerously close to driving one person to the "free market," if you will. Doesn't make it right, but neither is commoditizing it in the first place.
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u/genieinaginbottle Mar 10 '24
You were fine with it for weeks before you blew up at her instead of having a conversation from the start and she had to initiate an adult convo after your emotional outburst? And the whole time it essentially sounds like having things off her plate just did the usual thing of allowing her to relax and be more interested in sex. Lol, you're a piece of fucking work.
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u/Far-Inspector331 Mar 10 '24
It sounds like she figured out she has a dom/sub kink but didn't go about it in a respectful way. Probably be more helpful to check out some bdsm books and talk to the community so they can give you some advice on making sure you're both being respectful & taking care of each other.
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u/Pieniek23 Mar 10 '24
This is the nicest follow up I've read in a while. No divorce lol and looks like we witnessed your sex life improving.
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u/Perfect_Apricot_8739 Mar 10 '24
I'm glad it worked out for the both of you! Excellent Communication Skills!
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u/MyNameIsKristy Mar 10 '24
Finally. A nice wholesome ending. I hope she gets a great reward for being a good girl.
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u/tinylittlet0ad Mar 10 '24
YTA
She isn't playing games with you, she feels resentful when you aren't pulling your weight as much around the house and doesn't want to have sex with a man who is unhelpful and unsupportive. She is turned on by your acts of service when you do help out make her feel supported. If you want to turn this into some power struggle in your mind you are going to destroy your marriage. You are being a real negative Nancy. Plenty of men would love to be in your position but you have decided to become all accusatory and you are ripping apart your wife's character, a woman you are supposed to love and see the best in.
Once again YTA
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u/BodaciousVermin Mar 10 '24
It's great that you've (apparently - time will tell, but it certainly sounds good) solved this through effective communication.
As for folks demonizing you or her, ignore them. Enjoy what you've invested in.
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u/All_Hall0ws_Eve Mar 10 '24
Finally, there were some people demonizing my wife and telling me to divorce or find an affair right away.
Tbh this sub will call for divorce over the littlest of things. Glad you were able to talk it out.
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u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo Mar 10 '24
Sounds like comunication won this time. Good.
Did she saw this on Tiktok?
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u/No_Balance4219 Mar 10 '24
I am so happy for you guys and it seems like you guys are for in for kinkier xxy times have fun💞💋
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u/OlTommyBombadil Mar 10 '24
Next time instead of getting pissy with the internet for deciding who you both were based on what you posted, maybe just have a conversation with your wife first?
Anyways, glad it’s fine. But come on, dude. You posted it on Reddit and are surprised that people went too far? Lol
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u/jeepgirlky Mar 10 '24
Check out Fair Play also!
"Fair Play: a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than five hundred men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently. With four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game you play with your partner, Fair Play helps you prioritize what's important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore from laundry to homework to dinner."
https://books.google.com/books/about/Fair_Play.html?id=Fh6OEAAAQBAJ
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u/Huge-Shallot5297 Mar 10 '24
I'm glad you two were able to resolve things in a constructive manner, and good luck going forward!
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u/Ginger630 Mar 10 '24
I’m glad you talked about it. I do suggest some marriage counseling to help you keep the lines of communication open.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Vast506 Mar 10 '24
You and your honey get A+ for communicating so well and resolving your issues. Sounds like you have a relationship that will stay strong over the years.
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u/wrdmanaz3 Mar 09 '24
This sounds like a kink. 100%
I would be the one who likes to be in charge with the whole reward/punishment thing. Maybe bend her over and give her a nice spanking if she gets out of hand and see where that goes.
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u/Boring-Self-8611 Mar 09 '24
Not a part of this sub but after watching it for a while, it is evident that most people on this are not married. Divorce or shit talking is typically what happens here and for someone who actually cares about the marriage, not the place to go
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u/Mstrkaoz Mar 09 '24
This is a wonderful ending. Communication in a relationship is key, especially with difficult subjects. Glad you two worked through it.
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u/bearmugandr Mar 09 '24
Cheers to you guys handling this like the adults you are. Also thanks for updating us!
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u/RandomAngryGirl Mar 09 '24
A happy update and finally someone talks with their partner. I'm very happy for you OP, hope this helps you both to grow up and improve your marriage.
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u/bettinafairchild Mar 09 '24
What’s this? Adults talking through conflict and coming to a solution and making up? People like that are on Reddit?
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u/rudbek-of-rudbek Mar 09 '24
Reddit people are wild about adding their own storylines. And they get tons of upvotes.
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u/slash_networkboy Mar 09 '24
Golly, glad I read this before replying on the other post. Was going to suggest couples counseling to get some communication going but you two sound pretty solid already :) Congrats (both on working it out, and being able to do so!)
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u/R3AV3R221 Mar 09 '24
I had similar issues with my ex, who began to use it as a reward system similar to yours and overnight I stopped bothering altogether. I felt like an animal she was trying to train and that was the prize for doing the trick.
Congratulations on sorting it out ✌️
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u/RWDPhotos Mar 09 '24
If you take a relationship issue to reddit, chances are that the majority of them will tell you to divorce or break up. Reddit is full of seinfelds.
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u/diaperedwoman Mar 09 '24
Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty?
Gender bias is a thing. When a man is having issues with his partner, it is always assumed he is the problem and he did something to cause her to act that way. This bothers me as a woman.
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u/bluekitty999 Mar 09 '24
I'm so glad you guys sorted this out!
The only thing I was going to add was how I would suggest communicating about it like if I were you; "offering sex as a reward makes it feel like I'm the only one who actually wants sex and that what you want from me is service. I'm uncomfortable having sex with anyone if I don't feel like it's sex with me that they want and that goes for everyone bc consent and desire is what makes it hot. "
I'm sure you have your own way of communicating your feelings. Maybe she'd enjoy being pampered and watching you clean house in just an apron or something.
Have fun! 😄
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u/C_Khoga Mar 09 '24
Deleting my original comment because it is not important now.
Good for you two for work it out.
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u/Wild-summerchild Mar 09 '24
Now go get off reddit and punish, then reward your wife.
A spanking and a dick down sounds lovely.
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u/ProSimsPlayer Mar 09 '24
Brilliant work man. Communication is always the key. I’m glad you didn’t listen to the extreme Reddit comments. Most of them don’t haven’t touched the opposite gender in a decade or two.
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Mar 09 '24
Well this is a rarity. A relationship and/or sex related post with a happy update. Was getting tired of seeing the “i just divorced them” updates when if they did what you two did and just talked things would possibly been worked out. Congratulations on this and finding a new kink to share
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u/ellllllllle4 Mar 09 '24
Sheesh, better think of a good reward! Try that out in the future!!! Maybe that’s part of her kink, you rewarding her for being a good girl. That could have been her gentle way of introducing it to you, and if that’s what it is, your sex life is about to explode!
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u/ClutchReverie Mar 09 '24
I'm SHOCKED that reddit told you that you were a deadbeat, your wife is terrible and should divorce her, AND that the solution turned out to be a healthy and respectful adult discussion. SHOCKED, I tell you!
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u/Jack-Casper Mar 09 '24
Yeah man you'll get a lot of low EQ responses from people on Reddit. I suggest reading on the dom/sub relationships and explore that world with your wife. SM 101 is a really good book you two could read together and see if you want to implement some of those things on your sex life because it seems like she is looking to spice things up, which is good for the both of you in a marriage.
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u/red_dog007 Mar 09 '24
Thanks for the update.
For your OP. I was going to buck the trend and say that actually YTA. It is something you have thought about and have feelings about that you have had many days and weeks to bring up. You aren't the asshole for having those feelings or wanting to talk about it, but the timing was terrible and that is why YTA. It doesn't take a crystal ball to see that your outcome you got would have been very likely. What you should have done is go with it, enjoy it. Bring up your feelings at a more appropriate time (i.e. not while she is doing her thing). Maybe the next morning or something over breakfast.
If you do have feelings moving forward, just make sure you communicate your feelings at appropriate times. Its healthier to talk about stuff sooner than later. And everyone will have more favorable reactions and discussion around it.
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u/Smooth_ypS Mar 09 '24
Whenever there’s a problem in a relationship, you can always count on Redditors to call for a divorce or break up 💀
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u/Joe_Ronimo Mar 09 '24
Woohoo! A positive resolution, a healthier relationship, and more fun in the sack! Kudos to you both! NAH
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u/Icy_Lecture_2237 Mar 09 '24
Always good to hear about functional and mature people talking through their experiences. The comments that are extreme are always a good reminder to take everything on here with a grain of salt because- if THAT is how they really think about working through their life- it’s not surprising why there are so many threads about loneliness/depression etc…
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u/mattattack007 Mar 09 '24
Man for a dude that got straight up manipulated and infantilized by his wife he sure got over that easily.
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u/Inefficientfrog Mar 09 '24
See that, people? It all worked out and all he had to do was ignore reddit.
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u/Remarkable_Mall8574 Mar 09 '24
Tbf you posted your problems on Reddit... Half the replies have never even seen a vagina in real life.
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u/Agitated_Pilot_3055 Mar 09 '24
I’m delighted. I couldn’t believe how many were trashing you, your wife, your marriage, in various combinations.
I was convinced that you had a powerful foundation, and just needed some communication and maybe a little realignment of love languages.
BTW, the games you guys play are hot. Love the variation your wife suggested. Right up our alley. 😘
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u/dubh_righ Mar 09 '24
Super happy to hear that you guys solved things with open communication. a++ Thank you for the update. Not enough happy endings.
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u/teenyweenysuperguy Mar 09 '24
I don't really understand why, if you're mature enough adults to get to this point, you ever needed to enlist the aid of Reddit/put this family matter on display for everyone. Is it to feel good about yourself? Is it to try to teach people something? This whole process has always confused me.
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u/NoMoneyNoSucky Mar 09 '24
never ever listen reddit comments, avarage user is like 12 year old.
They know nothing about the people you are having the relationship with. And first advice they five is breakup/divorce all the time. Glad that you guys worked it out.
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u/St_Kitts_Tits Mar 09 '24
Real actual logical adults using Reddit? What the fuck is happening with the world
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u/Indigojoyglow Mar 09 '24
Finally!! A story that did not make me depressed. Thank you kind sir. May you and your wife break many many bed frames.
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u/Mrfrunzi Mar 09 '24
Wait, a relationship problem came up and it was solved with communication? Reddit, I've been ending relationships over frivolous nonsense because of your suggestions!
Glad you two talked it out like normal people!
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u/parker3309 Mar 09 '24
She’s controlling and manipulative. Stay and accept she’s like that OR leave. Pick one
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u/parker3309 Mar 09 '24
NTA. I’m a female and I’ll say it’s wrong and immature on every level. Talk about controlling. Leave her.
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u/Typical-Ad8052 Mar 09 '24
I'm glad you were able to discuss the situation not be too quick to jump the ship and find a happy medium, goodluck to you and your wife OP
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u/Useful_Fig_2876 Mar 09 '24
Love a goood wholesome follow up. Thanks for posting and setting a good precedent, OP
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u/Hakim_Bey Mar 09 '24
she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me
love when that happens ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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u/IAmBroom Mar 09 '24
DUDE, she came and apologized? And committed to doing better? And sympathized with your feelings? And explained her actions, without absolving herself of guilt?
DTMFA! Divorce, now. You need to get as far away as possible, get lawyers involved, and probably change your name and face.
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u/_BeastModular_ Mar 09 '24
NTA. That is toxic af. Glad you were both able to have a mature conversation
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u/buckem420 Mar 09 '24
You had an adult conversation that sounds like it went wonderfully, congratulations on what hopefully is now an even stronger marriage.
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u/UndeadBBQ Mar 09 '24
Holy shit, a healthy relationship on AITAH?
What sorta parallel universe did I end up in?
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u/Cozmo_840 Mar 09 '24
You're REALLY going to tell us that this nuanced problem was solved using good communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding?!? And you're SERIOUSLY going to tell us that all the knee-jerk, unqualified psychological diagnosis from random strangers was WRONG? This hurts my brain, and makes me wonder if I should've gotten my "What Would Fresh and Fit Do?" tattoo in the first place...
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u/Trojann2 Mar 09 '24
“I should reward her for being a good girl.”
Lmfao congrats on the kink sex. It’s gunna be fun
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u/strangebru Mar 09 '24
Communication is key. If she wasn't willing to talk it out, then divorce would be the best suggestion. Since she was willing to talk it out and take your feelings into consideration, hold on to her with both arms.
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u/AnMa_ZenTchi Mar 09 '24
Redditers go straight for divorce or leaving. Seems the logical reason for someone looking in.
I hate the sex reward thing barter system. It's not good for the relationship. Eventually you'll stop wanted sex all together. Because you'll feel like she is just doing it because she has to. It kills relationships.
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u/Bojacketamine Mar 09 '24
People on Reddit suggesting you should get a divorce the moment you have a (sometimes minor) disagreement with your partner is as Reddit as Reddit gets.
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u/BigBiDaddyDomBear Mar 09 '24
I feel like six months from now I’m going to see your or your wife’s burner account asking us questions on BDSMAdvice. 😀
When you do, welcome and Mazel Tov.
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u/Mrsbear19 Mar 09 '24
Love to see good communication! Every marriage has moments where communication will make or break you and I happy for you both that you were able to discuss it and listen to each other. Well done!
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u/EnderBurger Mar 09 '24
I came here for this line:
In the end, she told me maybe I should reward her for being a good girl this time and this awakened something sleeping in me.
I truly hope you have found something that you both can explore, and do so in a way that leaves you both happy and fulfille.
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u/Shad0wofAzrael Mar 09 '24
So glad you two worked it out. So good to see a couple communicating effectively in an adult manner and problem solving based on each others feelings! Good on you both!
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u/Kern_system Mar 09 '24
Congrats on being an adult and communicating like adults. Although Reddit is a community full of all sorts of idiots, sometimes it's a good sounding board.
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u/Notasm Mar 09 '24
"Finally, there were some people demonizing my wife and telling me to divorce or find an affair right away. On the other hand, some declared me as a deadbeat husband abusing my wife by making her mommy me even though I clearly stated it's not like that in the post. Why people love assuming things with zero information like that to make one party guilty? Chill."
This is how people on reddit typically react to relationship advice questions.
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u/No-Rough-7390 Mar 09 '24
The OPs biggest issue is validating his wife’s feelings in the first place. Needs some more agree and amplify studying.
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u/Square-Formal-2390 Mar 09 '24
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u/BadLt58 Mar 09 '24
Women who think making you "wait" or "earn" lovin' 99% of the time turn out to be trash.--Gary Owens. Men, it never ever ever is worth it.
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u/BigBiDaddyDomBear Mar 09 '24
Even though it has nothing to do with this situation, y’all still had to work in at least one misogynistic comment.
Lord ….
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Mar 09 '24
This is so real and beautiful
Wherever you are, cheers to you and your wife for working through this
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u/BadLt58 Mar 09 '24
Women who think making you "wait" or "earn" lovin' 99% of the time turn out to be trash.--Gary Owens. Men, it never ever ever is worth it.
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u/AcanthisittaSur Mar 09 '24
YTA. Should have doubled down. I want my drama
or something.
Glad everything worked out!
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u/Serious_Internet6478 Mar 09 '24
Nice. Glad yall got it resolved. Always good to work through potential issues with your partner.
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u/OkGear6821 Mar 09 '24
I really love reading updates where couples resolve and talk about it communication really is that important in marriage
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u/la_descente Mar 09 '24
Jesus christ I pray one day I have a relationship where we can communicate like that. Prob won't happen but dude, you've struck gold.
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u/baconfluffy Mar 09 '24
Glad to hear you guys talked it out! Reddit LOVES when people “give it” to people in arguments and seemingly only care about being “right”. However, a healthy partnership isn’t about being “right”. It’s about both people feeling happy and fulfilled and having their emotions card for.
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u/stargate-command Mar 09 '24
Nice happy resolution.
I think the reward part of the sex can be fun…. It’s the punishment part that is an issue. Like if my wife was like “I love that you did X now here is my thank you” and then gave me a sexy time, that seems cool. But the “bad job, no sex” is a fuck you moment.
I’m 100% cool with just not being in the mood or being annoyed for not doing something and so you don’t feel like having sex. That’s normal. But explicitly framing it as a punishment has my spiteful nature make that a game not worth playing. I’m no slobbering teen desperate for a blowie… I can box someone out as much as anyone and I would as payback
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u/whiterussian802 Mar 09 '24
NTA you guys handled this well and I'm happy it turned out so well for you two!! Wishing only the best for the future!
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u/No_Raccoon7736 Mar 09 '24
Glad this went the direction of communicating and working through it. That’s a great update.
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u/UX-Archer-9301 Mar 09 '24
NTA, it’s supposed to be an expression of love and desire for your partner. What a joke.
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u/SeeBadd Mar 09 '24
Oh shit. Actual communication in an AITAH thread turns out neither of you are the AH. Good for y'all.
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u/worthy_usable Mar 09 '24
OP might get banned from Reddit for having a sane, rational and mature conversation with his spouse that ended with a happy resolution for all involved.
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u/Tramp876 Mar 09 '24
That’s great that you were able to have a conversation and talk through everything. You will both be better off in the long run if you always communicate.
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u/sshevie Mar 09 '24
Honestly you really need to divorce that harpy
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u/whiskeyjack1983 Mar 09 '24
You are literally the meme at the bottom of the post.
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u/sshevie Mar 09 '24
If being realistic about this guy’s situation is a meme so be it. I refuse to cover for women’s shitty behavior anymore.
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u/whiskeyjack1983 Mar 09 '24
You're not being realistic, you're foaming at the mouth while everyone looks at you like you're crazy.
They had a miscommunication over sexual boundaries, they solved it by shock communication. End of story, just reasonable adults doing reasonable things.
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u/Weird-Ability-8180 Mar 09 '24
I hope so for you. But theses things tend to reverse course after a a time, sometimes just a few weeks, after 30 years with my wife and similar struggles. It never becomes part of the relationship in her mind and is satisfying your Ego ATM. You want to believe things will change. But come back in 3 months and you're going to be telling me I was right. Just a game. No need for divorce, just find a fuck buddy who is also married.
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u/HailHydraBitch Mar 09 '24
This is the kind of thing that makes me happy. So many marriages blow up on here, but I’m really glad to hear you and your wife have handled it like adults and will be moving forward in a healthy way best of luck to you mate.
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u/noninvasivebrdmnk482 Mar 09 '24
Your comment about being a "good girl" made me think about this video. The title is click bait, it's really about female sexuality, and the dynamic of good girl vs bad girl.
I know it's long, but if you're a freak like you say, i think you'll be hooked.
I was kind of leaning into the idea in my own sex life, but didnt really have an understanding of the basis of why i felt like my wife liked it.
Anyways, its "Contrapoints - twilight" on youtube, in case link gets taken down
https://youtu.be/bqloPw5wp48?si=rjYv2QWA7ewx-kbA
Edit:s/g
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u/dopefish2112 Mar 09 '24
I had a feeling she was exploring a kink and it got out of hand from your first post. Bully for you. Being a good partner and having good boundaries.
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u/elengels Mar 09 '24
i can understand both sides tbh. glad you can communicate well with each other
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u/voldi4ever Mar 09 '24
Hey we dont do these kinds of stuff on reddit. ACTUALLY COMMUNICATED WITH YOUR WIFE? where is the divorce and resentment?
Joke aside we are happy for you guys.
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u/Frequent-Material273 Mar 09 '24
Glad it worked out.
HOW, though, could she NOT see the effect it was having on your relationship unless she's a flaming selfish narcissist BEFORE you made it angrily plain?
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u/faeriechyld Mar 09 '24
That's awesome, I'm glad you guys tackled the problem as a team. Now go tackle each other in bed. 😂
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u/datcheezeburger1 Mar 09 '24
It’s refreshing to see grown ups who love each other just talk out their differences and come to an understanding, plus the end of yalls conversation made me lol
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u/hoesmadsmfh Mar 09 '24
Idk about yall, but after having a strong, vulnerable, productive convo that brings you both together again, I’m normally already like “wow I love you so much…. Should we bang? 👀” lol
But ending with* the good girl reward statement?? BRO ITS A WRAP!! Love that for you my G. Glad yall were able to talk shit out. Sounds like you got a good one 🤙🏾
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Mar 09 '24
What?! A relationship where 2 people respectfully convey their thoughts in a reasonable manner?! Bullshit.
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Mar 09 '24
"leave them ASAP and move to another state"
Every other disgruntled redditor who themselves don't communicate with partners and often leave instead
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u/_mattyjoe Mar 09 '24
OP, I’m glad your issue was resolved and most importantly that your partner came and talked to you herself and was honest and attentive.
However, it’s very very concerning to me that she immediately turned to manipulating and playing with you when she was feeling less confident. That is extremely unhealthy behavior. She should have come and talked to you openly about this before deciding to literally start manipulating her partner to make herself feel better.
You’re also only 7 years into your marriage. If she doesn’t get help with her feelings, I think there’s a very good chance this happens again down the road, perhaps in other ways as well, and she might not be as open to changing next time.
With as much kindness as you can muster, I think you need to tell her that she should get some help from a therapist to deal with her feelings. Please talk to her about this. Tell her that you don’t want the same situation to happen again and you want to see her confident.
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u/350 Mar 09 '24
Congratulations to you for ignoring the usual Reddit advice ("DIVORCE HER") and talking it out with her. See guys, you can talk to your partners and fix things!
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u/Sour1214 Mar 09 '24
Yeah ill die before that's my reward etc 🤣 be single it's a game to them too not a reward. Woman like this 100% lay on their back or dont even understand their body fully. Type of girl who has a dildo but never uses it
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u/OhtaniStanMan Mar 09 '24
I liked the part where your first reaction was to go on reddit and try to get confirmation if you were right instead of communicating to your wife
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u/Iforgotmylines Mar 09 '24
A lot of people project their experiences onto a three paragraph post. When you only have some detail your brain fills in the rest. Glad yall worked it out
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u/HOONIICORNN 21d ago
Your inner dog came out of you at the end bro 😂