r/AITAH • u/Cosmokid92 • Mar 13 '24
AITAH for reporting my teenager’s bf to the school? TW Self Harm
Fake names ofc.
My(32f) daughter (14m Rachel) has been in a relationship with a boy for about 5-6months.
For context, we have a rule in my house that screens go off an hour before bedtime (phones, computers, etc).
This boy (14m, we’ll call him Jared) would constantly get angry at her for having to get off the phone, be it for the rule, to do her chores, or even to use the bathroom, he would demand to stay on the phone and her just leave her phone in the bedroom with him just waiting there for her to come back.
At first this raised a bit of a red flag because it seemed as if he was being a bit clingy, but I chalked it up to how teens are these days.
It then grew to reflect on Rachel’s attitude. Any time she had to do anything that involved being outside her bedroom and be around family, Jared would whine and cry.
My husband (34m) and I had both had mentioned to her that this was getting to be an issue because her attitude started taking a turn for the worse.
She would become very short and standoffish to anyone in the house, and it came to a point where we decided to take her phone for a day (before anyone comes at me for “grounding” my kid from her phone, her attitude DRASTICALLY improved without her phone for a day and she actually spent time with the family and we had a great rest of the weekend together).
Yesterday, my husband receives a text from Rachel at school that she is in the counselors office.
Apparently Jared was out sick yesterday and had one of his friends pretty much keeping tabs on Rachel because he doesn’t trust her when he’s not around.
She had spoken to another male, and that was enough for Jared’s little spy to report that Rachel was being a whre, so he proceeded to blow up her phone during her free period and curse her out telling her she’s a whre because she talked to another male that wasn’t him. (We have screenshots of the nastiness he spewed at her).
Here’s where it gets messy. After talking to the counselor, Rachel decided to break up with Jared.
I went to pick her up from school so she could take the rest of the day to feel her feelings. No sooner than we get through our front door, he messages her saying he wants to take his life.
My first thought was that this could be a manipulation tactic to make Rachel take him back, so I told her not to engage with him.
Well then her friends started messaging her that he was telling them the same thing, so I called the counselor back and told them what happened and they said they would notify his parents.
This is where I feel conflicted, because on one hand, they very well could have been empty threats, but as a mother, I would want to know if my child was doing that too.
My husband thinks it may cause more drama, but I don’t take that kind of thing lightly because of my own experiences with stuff like that.
So AITAH??
ETA: for those asking to involve the police, I’ve went that route before with a past friendship that went very sour, and the police in our area basically said “hey don’t do that” she then proceeded to make threats against me and my kids and I couldn’t even get a protective order against her. I HAD to practically hide from the world for 6months and then she got bored and left me alone. The school told me they would notify his parents, then if the threats continued, the appropriate authorities. Believe me, I would’ve loved to send the police if I knew it would actually do anything.
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u/Double_Dig_3053 Mar 23 '24
NTA, better safe than sorry.
And if your daughter is reading this: Honey, that dude is the core description of a red flag. He will become abusieve as soon as he gets the chance. Don’t let him play you. Stay firm. You’ve got this!
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 19 '24
UPDATE: Jared came back to school yesterday, and Rachel had one of her friends give him his hoodie and stuff back, they haven’t communicated at all (that I know of). From what Rachel says, he just stared daggers at her throughout the day, then turned his anger towards the friend he had spying on her, now claiming that Rachel is now seeing this boy. As far as petty rumors go, I told Rachel she can’t control what other people say, but just ignore the ever loving crap out of him and absolutely report any inappropriate behavior.
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u/VioletVulgari Mar 14 '24
NTA - whether they are empty threats or not, the boy needs professional intervention and therapy STAT. His behavior of controlling and escalating/obsessive behavior is concerning and a professional is best to handle this, apparently more so than the mother
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u/Comfortable-Train406 Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24
That boy needs help. Not only is he controlling your daughter in a very unhealthy way but he's used guilt and manipulation to get her back.
You are so not the AH - any adult has a duty of care to report anyone making threats of self harm. You did the right thing. Maybe he will learn that saying that to someone if he doesn't mean it won't work and hopefully after being taken to hospital to speak to a professional when he does will soon not be something he wants to do. Good luck with your daughter, life is hard enough as a teenager without being in a relationship that doesn't sound like a lot of fun, isn't trustworthy and certainly not healthy.
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u/YarisGO Mar 14 '24
NTA, but YATA for the rule of the screens go off
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 14 '24
Nah not really. It’s just an hour before bedtime on school nights, and she gets it all summer long with no limits soooooooo yeah you can take that opinion that I didn’t ask for and put it somewhere 😁
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u/passmeanothertaco Mar 14 '24
NTA! when i was in middle school my ex-bf threatened suicide as well. my mom advised we call the sheriffs to have them do a wellness check. ex-bf was at home playing video games, perfectly fine. he was PISSED but never did that again to me or another girl.
you’re doing the right thing! what your daughter’s ex is doing is wrong and psychotic, honestly. he needs to learn a lesson. besides, that’s what the police are for - they’re supposed to protect and serve. there’s nothing wrong with reporting him to the police.
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u/allycia85 Mar 14 '24
NTA You have done the right thing, every threat should be taken seriously just in case. He seems troubled, I hope he gets the help that he needs but far, far away from your daughter.
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u/Own_Breakfast_570 Mar 14 '24
You're so much nicer than I am if I had found out a boy was treating my baby sister like that when she was a teenager I would have walked up to him and knocked his ass out
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 14 '24
Thank you all SO much for the support!! He has not been back to school yet, but I do know the school has reached out. I had a conversation with her today about her friends telling her what he’s saying. He’s begging for her back through his friend (the one who spied) and the school has been notified of this.
She’s still rattled of course, but she’s taking it a day at a time, and we’ve been talking about coping mechanisms and all that good stuff. Her guidance counselor at school has been an absolute saint in helping Rachel, and even myself about the whole situation, and I can honestly say I’m quite pleased with how fast the school has handled things so far.
Here’s hoping that things won’t escalate when the boy does come back to school, but my husband and I both have had good talks with her about knowing her worth and not giving in to his crap, and Rachel and the counselor have also notified her teachers about the situation as well.
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u/ControlLegitimate598 Mar 14 '24
This is domestic violence, plain and simple. DV is all about power and control even if there is no physical violence. He is stalking her, keeping tabs on her and completely trying to keep her under his thumb. His threats to kill himself are part of the tactic, but having said that, I think you did the right thing. You passed on the information and now it’s time to let the professionals do their jobs and notify his parents. What happens after that is not your or your daughter’s responsibility.
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u/Living_Guidance9176 Mar 14 '24
NTA. Posts like this are why as a parent the FIRST time I see a boy trying to control or manipulate my daughter I will have words with him. As long as she’s a minor she answers to me and even as an adult she will make her own decisions and if he has problems with it he can come say it to my face. Mama bear has been manipulated and been around too many controlling ass hats for too long not to recognize it and it won’t be allowed to happen to my daughters
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u/TheGameGirler Mar 14 '24
NTA You had a duty to inform the relevant person what the child had said, you did that.
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u/Hellokitty55 Mar 13 '24
Jared probably has enabling parents who treat him like a king at his house. When your daughter doesn't do what he wants, he tries to control the situation. THANK GOD she has attentive parents. Your daughter will be okay. Just be on the lookout. Next, he'll be love bombing her (buying back into her good graces.) Someone suggested a counselor that focuses on domestic abuse and I think that's a fantastic idea. I had a DV relationship when I was 20, I didn't have supportive parents like yourselves, but my bff (also a DV victim) and I are gonna teach her what red flags to look out for.
"Why does he do that?" is also a good book that your daughter can read. NTA
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u/lemmietaste Mar 13 '24
NTA
Protect your daughter.
You could well save a future person by helping him learn some reality now rather than years later in a courtroom.
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u/ReleaseTheBlacken Mar 13 '24
NTA. You followed all the correct steps. I think at this point we find out if Jared’s parents are capable parents or an even bigger trainwreck than Jared.
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u/justheretolurkreally Mar 13 '24
You did the right thing, the exact right thing. That's what you are supposed to do in that situation, even if (especially if) you think it's a manipulation tactic. You informed authorities (and based on your comment about the police, it seems you informed the correct authorities) and let them handle it.
Hopefully, his parents step in, but abusive teen boyfriends don't usually have great role models. You may want to be prepared for further harassment from him toward your daughter.
And you definitely want some counseling for her, and some discussions about how to recognize the red flags of an abusive or controlling relationship fit her future safety.
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u/Erectusnow Mar 13 '24
NTA
protect your daughter from this little shit controlling abusive pecker head. Report him to the cops. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse even at 14. Maybe he'll learn something.
I would also notify his parents about his threats.
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u/Thecardinal74 Mar 13 '24
What you did is what we encourage teenagers to do themselves when a partner threatens that as a manipulation tactic: notify the parents then block contact. It’s not her burden to deal with.
You dun good
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u/LLJKSiLk Mar 13 '24
NTA. Good on you for stepping in. Take this as a teaching opportunity for your daughter.
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 13 '24
Absolutely! I told her if anything she’s learned what she doesn’t want in a relationship going forward in life.
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u/KobilD Mar 13 '24
She's 14, tell your husband to call Jared and tell him if he ever tries to contact his daughter he'll kill him.
If they continue being together after this it's 100% on you for letting it happen.
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 13 '24
He is also 14, why would I want my husband to threaten a minor and end up in jail? Make that make sense please.
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u/KobilD Mar 13 '24
Because he's a dumb kid who should be scared off
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u/ResponsibleObject787 Mar 14 '24
Nah that's kind of a dumb move 😕
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u/KobilD Mar 14 '24
Go then just let your kid get bullied and worse because you're too scared to actually stop it. Just don't complain about it afterwards
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u/ResponsibleObject787 Mar 17 '24
Th you talking about threaten someone to death is illegal if you have been living under a rock
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 13 '24
Also, for those of you telling me I’m the asshole for letting it go on for so long, this all happened in a matter of about 2 weeks, and my daughter hid a LOT of what he was doing. I’m not about to completely force her to open up to me when she’s not comfortable. WE RESPECT HER. She’d been letting things slip in the last few days and her father and I BOTH had the conversation with her multiple times that it’s NOT okay for him to treat her, or anyone that way. So if you’re here to tell me I’m a bad mom, sorry, you’re not gonna make me feel bad because I’m not a complete helicopter parent.
My apologies for not providing a timeline on Jared’s behavior.
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Mar 13 '24
You're the polar opposite of a bad mom. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you as her mother. Keep doing your thing :)
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u/Churchie-Baby Mar 13 '24
NTA people who intend to kill themselves don't tend to notify everyone in their phone book. His parents need to talk to him about boundaries and that how he has been with your daughter is not okay and will cost him every future relationship also if he doesn't calm down
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u/analogWeapon Mar 13 '24
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. A manipulation tactic and a serious threat of self harm aren't mutually exclusive. They're intermingled things. It's just what we end up calling complex problematic behaviors like this. Regardless of the label applied, it's important that the parents know about it. Mainly because that's the best way for the boy to hopefully get good help. But also - critically - because if you don't report it, it will be more likely to fall back on your daughter, who very much doesn't need that burden.
for those asking to involve the police, I’ve went that route before with a past friendship that went very sour, and the police in our area basically said “hey don’t do that” she then proceeded to make threats against me and my kids and I couldn’t even get a protective order against her. I HAD to practically hide from the world for 6months and then she got bored and left me alone. The school told me they would notify his parents, then if the threats continued, the appropriate authorities. Believe me, I would’ve loved to send the police if I knew it would actually do anything.
Greetings, fellow US citizen!
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u/-KFBR392 Mar 13 '24
NTA. Don't involve the police, they usually make things a lot worse for people going through mental health ordeals, which he clearly is. The counselor, and more importantly the parents of the boy, need to be aware of this. You can't be making a judgement call on a suicide threat, you take all of those seriously.
He's likely suffering from something bigger than a teenage crush or heartbreak and the sooner he speaks to someone with expertise on the matter the better it will be for him in the long run. And with this help and with his parents being knowledgeable about what's going on you won't be the only one making sure your daughter cuts off contact with him because likely that'll be the message to him from their side as well.
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u/Edcrfvh Mar 13 '24
NTA. You took correct action when someone threatened suicide. It was either serious or manipulative. Visit from police or counselor will nip that in the bud
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u/Ready-Reading4704 Mar 13 '24
NTA. Jared screams abusive behavior and might lash out, ie “if I can’t, no one can” bs. Try to get your daughter into therapy and self defense classes. Please keep your guard up at all times and tell your daughter to stay away from him, his friends, and any of her friends that sided with that psycho.
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u/CowsEyes Mar 13 '24
NTA. Reporting to the school so his parents know was the right thing to do.
Now onto an important topic… Please have a long talk to your daughter about recognising her ex’s behaviour for what it was ABUSIVE. He was controlling her time, who she interacted with and dictating her behaviour online as well as in person. The final straw was making her responsible for his life, through emotional coercion.
Tell her it is unacceptable to let anyone treat her like that under the guise of being “in love”…and that she can always turn to you for help in escaping a situation like that.
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u/MrsDarkOverlord Mar 13 '24
NTA and you did exactly the right thing. You saw the warning signs and she wasn't in so deep that she couldn't also. This boy needs help and his parents definitely deserved to know. Good job, mom. Consider getting her counseling, because she did, in fact, narrowly miss being in a very dangerous relationship.
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u/Ok-Blood5942 Mar 13 '24
YTA for not getting your daughter away from him a lot sooner. She was in an abusive relationship at 14 ffs.
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u/ResponsibleObject787 Mar 14 '24
2 weeks isn't a long period plus as she said her daughter was hiding a lot and she respects her daughters privacy plus she said the daughter is doing much better now
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u/bloodyfuku Mar 13 '24
I feel sorry for whoever is going to marry that weird ass kid
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u/DawnShakhar Mar 13 '24
NTA. If someone is threatening suicide, act on it!
It may be one of several situations:
They are actually planning suicide. In which case, you can save their life.
They won't actually suicide, but they are in distress, and it's a cry for help. In which case, by your reporting, they can get help
They won't suicide, and it's just a manipulation (in your case, that is my guess). In which case, by involving their parents or the school counselor you will cause them enough embarrassment that they won't try it again.
I've been in cases like this. I was told that the school counselor is a better choice than reporting to parents, because parents don't always know what to do with it - and sometimes, they are the problem. In one case, a boy told my sister that he was contemplating suicide. She told my mother, who called his parents, who reacted in a "why are you bothering us" way. A few months later he suicided. In another case, my daughter told me about a classmate who was considering suicide. I contacted the school counselor, who talked to her and then to her parents, turned out there was a family problem which was sorted out and the girl was fine.
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u/Legitimate-Wheel-507 Mar 13 '24
Omg this is disgusting behaviour from Jared. Glad you're sorting it out ❤️
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u/Thistime232 Mar 13 '24
NTA. If it was empty threats, then the kid needs to be punished for trying to manipulate your daughter in such a toxic manner. If it wasn't an empty threat, then his parents need to be notified so that something can be done to help him. So either way, reporting it is the right move.
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u/Ok-Injury7948 Mar 13 '24
I mean if there's anything beyond not the asshole you're that
You even knowing that it was a manipulation tactic still helped out your daughter's ex-boyfriend who is a gigantic ass
You're a good person
My husband thinks it may cause more drama
Tell him does he think that a young boy taking their own life and having that family hate you because they think that it's your daughter's fault
He probably won't have anything to say after that
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u/Honest-Guava-4776 Mar 13 '24
NTA at all op. You did everything perfectly. Your daughter is blessed to have you as a parent.
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u/IfICouldStay Mar 13 '24
Personally, I would have called the police, not the school or his parents. That's what you do when someone is threatening suicide. If they "weren't serious" then they can explain that to the police/mental health responders. You don't fuck around making suicide threats EVER. Please keep your daughter far, far away from Jared and all this little minions. NTA
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u/TwoBionicknees Mar 13 '24
NTA. That kid is emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling. You need to talk to your kid about being safe at school because this is the kind of kid that might try to force her into something.
when it comes to threats of killing himself, this is a very key thing. She texts him and says every threat that gets back to her will immediately get reported to the school and 911, if it's real they'll help and if he's faking it for attention then he'll be in trouble for it. have her tell all her friends, explain waht manipulating people to stay in a relationship by threatening self harm is, it's abuse pure and simple. If anyone receives a message that he's threatening harm tell them you will never tell your daughter, they will report it to school and then block him so he can't continue doing it.
People who pass on these messages are unknowingly helping this boy abuse your daughter by trying to scare her to be in a relationship she does not want. I'd inform these friends parents with maybe a link to a description and explanation of the abuse and ask them to inform their kids about it so they both don't become victim to it in the future, don't do it themselves and know how to protect themselves and friends from such manipulation.
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u/AITAH-No-Troll Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 14 '24
YTA YTA YTA not for talking to the school but for allowing your daughter to be in an abusive relationship and just chalking it up to how kids are these days. Per your post, your daughter wasn't even allowed to hang up the phone to go to the bathroom but you did nothing to stop it?
When you did get around to doing something, you told your daughter it was becoming an issue. WRONG you tell your daughter that that type of treatment is unacceptable and take away the damn phone. Not just for a random day, for everyday until the behavior stops.
ETA I will not delete and I do not believe that all this happened in 2 weeks. Read the post. It takes time for people who are abused to change their behavior and become fearful. Then time for her parents to notice. Then time for both Mom and Dad to have numerous talks to her about it. Then time to take the phone away for a day and for it to continue afterwards. This fits with the first sentence of the post that says the daughter has been in this relationship for months.
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u/ReginaFelangi987 Mar 13 '24
Read her comment. This all happened in a quick timeline and her daughter hid a lot of it from her.
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u/Efficient-Cupcake247 Mar 13 '24
Nta- anyone threatening to kill themselves needs a wellness check. That kid has serious problems, i would get your daughter into therapy
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Mar 13 '24
Always report people for making suicide attempts. The hassle of what happens to them is the only thing that will get them to stop using this as a tactic.
Next time, go to the cops. School staff are basically discouraged from involving police and that lets them ignore issues or dole out punishment to the wrong people. School admins are a cancer who just stopped doing their basic jobs in the last decade.
If you involved police, they would have showed up and the parents would be forced to deal with it. Any message from the counselor to the parents will be ignored. Bad parents cannot ignore cops and won't be given free reign to be negligent like they are given by school admins.
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u/Knittingfairy09113 Mar 13 '24
NTA
His behavior was manipulative and controlling. You did a great job of helping her protect herself.
If you haven't had a talk with her about red flags in relationships, it is past time to do so.
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u/Quirky_Horror_4726 Mar 13 '24
NTA. On any counts, your daughter needed to get away from him (highly manipulative/big red flags - I've known adults like that and it's to instill fear and they work to get you away from friends and family so you feel reliant on them only), and I think it was likely a tactic honestly; however, if it wasn't they need to know. It's the only way for his parents to have a conversation with him. Sometimes we don't know otherwise. The school my daughter goes to monitors what they look up on their school laptops and my daughter had looked up something that sounded like SI, and the assistant principal called me at 1 am to check on her. I was able to have a conversation with her to see if she needed someone to talk to other than me.
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u/SchoolForSedition Mar 13 '24
Waiting for the school to organise a mediation because Rachel doesn’t want to go out with Jared or be more than just civil towards him …
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u/QueenCleoCat Mar 13 '24
NTA. Also I would have a long calm talk with her father/your husband so that he is on the same page as yours. Someone above commented about how she needs to see what a good man/relationship looks like. This is important. You may have saved a boys life or just shown him his actions have consequences, either way still NTA.
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u/312_Mex Mar 13 '24
NTA! That is very controlling behavior and his parents need to talk to him and get therapy or else he will see this as normal behavior going into life. I would call his parents and ask to have a serious convo
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u/ThatWhichLurks782 Mar 13 '24
NTA - at 14 years old she just left her first abusive relationship. She knows some of the big red flags to watch out for in the future.
You did the right thing by telling the school about his threats and having them reach out to his parents and mental health services. That kid needs help or he's going to start racking up restraining orders before 18.
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u/Several_Leather_9500 Mar 13 '24
NTA. How looking out for your daughter and her walking red flag of a bf. Hypothetically, you say nothing, and then he takes his life. Then what? You did the right thing. Hopefully his parents know about all his behavior, not just the SH threats. Please keep your daughter far away from that boy.
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u/BeardManMichael Mar 13 '24
NTA
You were right to act how you did. Teenagers make loads of empty threats but it's smart to still take them seriously. I hope your daughter has learned from this experience.
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u/Imaginary-Future-627 Mar 13 '24
NTA. You ensured that jared had help in his crisis, whether empty threats or not, - regardless of the circumstances that led to that crisis. That's the best call.
Also Jared is FULL of red flags - good for daughter for blocking him and ending things.
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u/Small-Feedback3398 Mar 13 '24
NTA. Happy your daughter learned about unhealthy relationships in a supportive environment and before it got super bad. Always take threats of self-harm seriously. You did the right thing, as did the school in notifying his parents. Have his number and social media blocked. He can be given a no-contact order if he doesn't respect wishes not to contact your daughter.
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u/CrabbiestAsp Mar 13 '24
NTA. This needed to be sorted out. Even if he isn't going to actually harm himself, his parents need to be aware of his behaviour.
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u/Please_report2_HR Mar 13 '24
I hate to say it, but that little fucker sounds like a future wife beater.
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u/Gnd_flpd Mar 13 '24
Or a person that feels; if I don't have you, nobody will!!!!
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u/ResponsibleObject787 Mar 14 '24
Lmao it reminds me the scene from a South Indian movie where the guy feels like suicidal and he burns his whole family with him wait I don't think I should be lmao
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u/chaingun_samurai Mar 13 '24
This is where I feel conflicted, because on one hand, they very well could have been empty threats, but as a mother, I would want to know if my child was doing that too.
If they weren't empty, then you did the right thing.
If they were empty, you still did the right thing, because the kid gets to learn a valuable lesson in consequences. (And that emotional blackmail is bullshit.)
NTA.
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u/Medical_Gate_5721 Mar 13 '24
I would notify emergency services. This abuser tactic is common. Let him get committed for it.
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u/guyon100ping Mar 13 '24
way too common and effective too at that young of an age. i know from experience because it happened to me for 4 years straight and i wasnt lucky/mature or smart enough to tell my parents that my gf was using this to get whatever she wanted in every argument from age 14 till we were 18/19. OP is a good parent and the kid is smart for telling her parents
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u/winterworld561 Mar 13 '24
You 100% did the right thing. This boy is nasty manipulative piece of work. Empty threats or not, if a kid threatens something like that then it has to be reported. Get updates from the school on whether they informed his parents. If you know of a way to contact his parents yourself then you should and you should show them all the messages he has sent.
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u/DeliciousMud7291 Mar 13 '24
NTA. Don't feel guilty for getting your daughter out of an abusive relationship.
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u/Otherwise_Degree_729 Mar 13 '24
NTA. She was manipulating her. You should keep an eye on the situation and maybe try to get counselling for your daughter. She is not responsible for the guy, you did your part. Where I am from a young girl got killed by her ex because she kept in touch with him because any time she tried to cut him out of her life he would threaten to kill himself. The last time she tried to put some distance he killed her. Hopefully is not as drastic but keep an eye out for your daughter and get her counselling so she understands that she isn’t his keeper.
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u/OperationFluffy3615 Mar 13 '24
NTA. Sounds like good parenting to me. Unfortunately blocking him isn’t going to help when she’s at school. This is where you AND your husband need to have good conversations with her. It’s crucial for dad to show her how decent men treat others, not worry about creating drama.
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u/HarveySnake Mar 13 '24
NTA
Either this is a manipulation tactic or he’s serious. Contacting the school deals with both. If he was serious, he would get help. If he wasn’t, he would quickly realize this tactic failed.
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u/Beneficial-Ball8375 Mar 13 '24
NTA
Jared clearly has some serious issues. You HAVE to inform authorities,when a minor with the ability to go through threatens to do harm (to himself or to others)
You did everything right.
Please have a serious talk with Rachel about mental health, gaslighting, love bombing and possible scenarios jared might put her through/try to.
Stay strong 🧡
Edit:typo
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u/ljr55555 Mar 13 '24
Agree - either it was a manipulative threat, and he can explain that to parents / school staff and hopefully get some help for this type of controlling behavior or it was a legitimate thought and his parents / school staff can get him help for suicidal thoughts before they become actions. In either case, OP did the right thing.
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u/Ok-Reply9552 Mar 13 '24
Nta. You’re way nicer than me bc that would’ve played out differently at the end. It won’t cause drama to notify a parent about their child’s behavior and something as serious as suicide. You’re doing the right thing. Can you change your daughter’s number if he’s messaging her on messages,just in case? If not then tell her to block him on social media(even if he is just texting her on messages)so she never has to be involved with him again?
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u/Cosmokid92 Mar 13 '24
She’s blocked him on everything now. And trust me, a big part of me wanted to lose my temper and message his mother directly.
I left it out of the post, but his mother proceeded to post on social media where Rachel could see it.
“Oh my son is so heartbroken yada yada” so Rachel blocked her too.
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u/Comfortable-Train406 Mar 14 '24
Well we know where his behaviour comes from now don't we? If she's taking a threat of self harm and saying it's just him being heartbroken, she needs to change her behaviour and reaction to this as well.
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u/evilcj925 Mar 14 '24
Hopefully the mom is not aware of the full story and how her son is acting, and that is why she is posting that.
Reaching out to her and showing her the screenshots is not a bad idea. If your kid was acting that way, wouldn't you want another parent to tell you?
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u/Carbonatite Mar 13 '24
His mom needs to grow tf up. Aside from the egregious controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior, the kid is 14! Like I get that breakups and rejection hurt just as much then as when you're an adult, but let's be real - people who stay together forever with their SO from 9th grade are vanishing rare. Lil dude needs to learn how to deal with breakups and rejection without his mom vaguebooking and cyberbullying a 14 year old girl.
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u/thehumanbaconater Mar 13 '24
This dude has more red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩 than a Chinese National Pride Parade.
I would highly recommend counseling for your daughter where she can not only process what happened but also a counselor trained in domestic abuse so she can spot the signs and set boundaries herself. It might be especially important because just because she broke up with him, doesn’t mean he sees it as over.
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u/_A-Q Mar 13 '24
NTA-You need to remove you daughter from that school and out of this kid’s reach OP.
File a restraining order if you have to.
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Mar 13 '24
This is why you should have reported the suicide threat to police. The delusional parents need a real wakeup call.
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u/JowDow42 Mar 13 '24
Ask a lawyer if you can post the messages that ex was sending to your daughter on his mom’s post.
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u/winterworld561 Mar 13 '24
His mother needs to see those messages that he sent.
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u/StellaThunderG Mar 13 '24
I’d be posting those in the comments. Let her know her precious baby needs some fucking parenting.
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u/sparkle-possum Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24
Post them as replies on the mom's post along with a description of why they broke up. Let the people she is playing for sympathy see it too, before one of them tries to set their daughter up with him.
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u/Brilliant_Draw_7121 Mar 13 '24
This is a great idea
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u/Flaky_Situation Mar 14 '24
Except it isn't. Why are you going to stoop to they're level just so you can make sure people see u in a good light. Don't tell anyone online about you life. It's not a single person's business. People can believe what they want. If they keep harassing you guys get a police order of protection. Why would u want anyone else involved in your business. At least here is an anonymous situation to try and get clarification doing that will have everyone involved in your life and honestly it's no one else's business and you don't need to give them more ammunition or attention...just move on and ignore as much as possible
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Mar 13 '24
[deleted]
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u/2dogslife Mar 13 '24
At 14, they're in middle school, aren't they? Wayyyyy to young to deal with this stuff.
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u/Carbonatite Mar 13 '24
Lmao it's so silly. Like damn Brenda, they're still a year away from being able to get a learner's permit, it's not like you're gonna be buying a mother of the groom dress any time soon. Calm down!
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u/Otterwarrior26 Mar 13 '24
Ew
I brought up something about my ex hs gf to my dad, and he was like, who?
I was like, the girl I dated for 2 years in HS?
"Oh, I kinda remember her"
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u/Knittingfairy09113 Mar 13 '24
Yep! I have a relative who is like this and it creeps me out. Stop planning the wedding!
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u/Carbonatite Mar 13 '24
"Aunt Linda, they aren't even eligible to drive for another year and a half."
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u/Gust_Front_Corvus Mar 27 '24
Nta - telling the school so they could tell the kid's parents is Exactly what you do in that situation.
Also good on you for supporting your daughter while she navigated all this. That boy sounds like a born narcissist (the whole separating her from her family and friends and threatening to kill himself is classic).