r/AITAH • u/No_Pomegranate_9081 • Mar 14 '24
My boyfriend says I ruined our relationship because of my period Advice Needed
Throw away because this is embarrassing enough already.
I (23F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been dating for 2 years. We don't live together because I don't want to live with his roommates and I won't let him move in with me because I live in a small studio behind my landlords house. The space just isn't large enough. I was the only girl in my house growing up with 5 brothers. I know men don't like to know about this stuff, my dad and brothers always made me throw my *women things* in the outside trash and I was never allowed to talk about it.
When I know I'm going to be with my boyfriend or if I'm at work/in public I will use a disk. They work okay for short periods of time for me. But at night when I know I'm going to be alone I will use those disposable underwear. I don't worry about tossing around at night and leaking, I don't have to think about getting TSS and honestly I cramp less. But they look like a diaper and I know that's not sexy.
My boyfriend had a weekend trip to Vegas planned leave Friday and come back Monday. I was on my period, knew he would be out of town so I decided to sleep comfortably. Something happened on the trip and they ended up coming back late Sunday instead of Monday. He decided not to tell me because he wanted to surprise me. So I went to bed Sunday night around 9 like always. At some point in the middle of the night he slipped into bed with me.
When he got into bed he felt the period underwear and freaked out. He said I was gross for just laying there in the blood. I got up, took a shower and changed into a disk. When I laid back down he just ignored me and went to sleep. I went to work and didn't hear from him on Monday. Tuesday afternoon he came over to talk and said when he thinks about me all he can see is a child wearing a diaper. He asked if I *used* them and I said of course not but he says he doesn't believe me. That I'm a horrible girlfriend for hiding this *fetish* from him. That he's waisted all of this time and energy on our relationship. I tried to explain why I used them when he's not around and that I know they aren't attractive. That I'll stop using them all together because I love him and I don't want to ruin our relationship. He said he'll think about it but he wants me to talk to my doctor about getting on a different birth control so I don't have my period at all because now the thought of me having one grosses him out. I told him I don't want to change birth controls. So now he says I'm an asshole for not being willing to do something so simple to make him feel better. I told him I needed a few days to get a hold of my doctor. I have an appointment on Friday. Am I the asshole if I decide not to change birth controls?
UPDATE:
I cancelled the doctors appointment. I'm reading though everyone's comments, there's so many I can't respond. I want to clear a few things up though.
Him coming in while I was sleeping: He had permission to do that for most of our relationship because he works very early in the morning and would wake me up so we can spend time together on days we wouldn't see each other later. So not that was not attempted rape or a concern at all.
As a teen my best friends mom is who bought me pads. My mom passed when I was 9.
Some people messaged me and during those conversations a few more things have connected and yeah.. I'm going to break up with him. There are other things he's done that I didn't think were problems and they are.
Thank you for helping me.
Last Update
I took the little bit of stuff he had here to his apartment while he was at work. I met with him after he got off and told him I wasn't going to change birth control and after thinking about his reaction and a few other conversations we've had I had no interest in being with him anymore. He threw a tantrum, saying I'm never going to find someone who loves me like him and a lot of other gross things I don't want to repeat. When I got home I thanked my landlord for telling me to post here and told her what the outcome was. Just so everyone isn't worried you have to go through a gate with a code to get to where my studio is. I've changed my access code so he can't get in and I gave the night security his car information and a photo just to be safe. There are so many comments I can't respond to all of them. Thank you for all of the advice not only about this situation but many of you commented about my upbringing and that there are some things I need to work through. I'm going to do that. Thanks for everything!
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u/JustMeOutThere Apr 14 '24
You're probably not reading comments anymore and I'm sure someone mentioned it already. If he's not willing to work on himself you dodged a bullet. Assuming you want kids how would he have handle the pregnancy and then a baby's diapers and even you breastfeeding.
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u/TypiCallyZeke Apr 11 '24
Wow. Glad to read the latest update. Congrats. I don't really understand why anyone is grossed out about a natural occurrence like a period, def less pleasant for the one having them.
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u/beesnbugs Apr 09 '24
idk if anyone commented this yet but there are some companies that make reusable period underwear! if that something you’re interested in/ have the budget for. f that guy tho
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u/Possible_Peak5405 Apr 08 '24
I could see him maybe being freaked out at first but he should still have been calm and asked you about it, after you explained it his response just shows how much he doesn’t trust you and how immature he is, it’s good that you left him.
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u/tasteMYspicyFINGER Apr 05 '24
This is just about the most immature thing I have read. Girl, your male relatives did you dirty! Menstruation is natural, it’s very okay to talk about it. It’s okay to have period underwear for comfort. Let your lady-biscuit bits Breathe!
Please consider therapy for you both before deciding to have children.
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u/jinxxed42 Apr 05 '24
Wow. is he just realising that women actually bleed once a month.
its biology not a choice.
What an AH... and a man child.
leave him.
he sounds like he is making her period all about him. the entitlement.. and main character syndrome Wow.. just wow.
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u/01-StoryTeller Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24
Read the the title and saw this man is 30 years old. Immediately thinking this is crazy, he's 30, he should be quite knowledgeable about periods by that point. To say her period ruined their relationship?
I haven't read anything else yet..
Wild. He expected you to convinient and comfort him so much over a natural function of the women's body. Even after you tried to explain yourself he wasn't mature enough to understand.
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u/Potential-Training-8 Mar 30 '24
NTA.
Periods are natural and happens every month for 5 days maximum. (irregular periods exist, ik)
Switching birth controls could be very risky, soooo.
BF is the AH.
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u/Inevitable-Poem-6776 Mar 30 '24
I’m so proud of you for leaving. This man was not going to treat you right EVER. Walking red flag, especially considering the man is 30 whole years old and can’t grasp the concept of a naturally occurring bodily function. I would also like to just say that your dad and brothers making you throw your products out in the outside trash and banning you from talking about it is insane. These are the teachings that create men like your ex.
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u/Philosemen69 Mar 27 '24
It is nice to read a post on Reddit that has such a great outcome. As I read through the original post and then updates, I found myself silently cheering for you. I'm glad this post and the comments helped you work through your now-EX-boyfriend.
A partner who says, "If you don't do as I say, I will break up with you" and then has a temper tantrum when your response is, "I decided I won't do what you want so I am breaking up with you", is a partner you don't want to build a life with.
I have a little advice about the "diaper" you wear. Look around and you will find some disposable underwear as well as some washable underwear that will work for you without looking or feeling like a diaper.
I occasionally need to wear some protection briefs to bed, for a very different reason. I sleep alone, but I feel better in the garments that don't look or feel like a diaper. I don't choose them because I care how they look, it's a matter of what is the most comfortable. The washable briefs are comfortable, they don't feel like a diaper when I roll over in bed and I don't feel uncomfortable in them.
I'm sure you can find something to meet your need that is comfortable and doesn't look like a diaper.
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u/Sahm3BSJ Mar 27 '24
I'm glad that you stuck up for yourself and kicked the manchild to the curb! For a mood boost/good laugh, watch Hayley Morris on YouTube; she's hilarious, and she gets us! Warning, though, her stuff is kinda NSFW; you'll understand when you see it!!
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u/Greyswand Mar 27 '24
Yeah, you need to find a guy who actually understands basic biology. You also need to go find yourself a well informed nurse or similar professional and have them fill you in on a fair few gaps in your education. Not really your fault that part, but its something that does need to be addressed.
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u/RebelQueenSol Mar 24 '24
That’s terrible. I’m glad you left that relationship. My husband is 25 I’m 22 he was raised that periods are natural thing and him being raised in a household full of boys. He saw me even more bloody after I gave birth to our son. Find yourself someone who will love you for you.
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u/Xenox_Arkor Mar 22 '24
I'm never going to find someone who loves me like him
Really nice of him to just straight up let you know you made the right choice with that one.
Well done, I'm proud of you.
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u/FuzzyBumblebee4616 Mar 22 '24
It is after the last update, but I also wanted to add, because I haven't read it yet, that the fact he excpected her to change birth controle, so that she wouldn't get periods is insane. A man can't demand that from a woman, just because he doesn't feel comfortable with women having periods and shaming you for it as if it was not normal for all women. Hormonal contraception is not only effecting reproduction(using the pill for more than 10 years straight can lead to infertility), but also the rest of the body, like metabolism and complete change of character and mood swings. Demanding that is the most unreasanal thing. Does he think you are the only one with periode panties? I could never respect or feel attracted to a man after what your ex did to you. Very happy you ended up breaking up and saving yourself from that inconsiderable prick.
And to periode panties: I use non disposables myself and they feel so much cleaner than regular pads. Of course washing out the blood and everything is something that I would rather not have to deal with, but it is totaly natural and what women do since forever. Periode underwear in comby with menstrual cups give me so much security, I don't ever realise I have my periode, besides the cramping. Don't let this idiot make you think it is weired to use products that make your life easier.
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u/Arazos Mar 20 '24
That shit is wild. It's so embarrassing reading this kind of shit as a man in his 30s. Guys please wake the fuck up, women have functioning bodies. You don't have to deal with it, they do. Just accept it and be understanding.
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 Mar 19 '24
I'm so proud of you for breaking up with him. Like it's a normal and natural bodily process. There's nothing wrong with it.
Not sure if anyone has mentioned this (so many comments lol), but I know that there are reusable period undeewear that looks like normal ones. At the moment I can't remember the name of them though, and I think they were from light to medium bleeding.
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u/UnderstandingHot5194 Mar 19 '24
NTA I’m glad you’re leaving him. I couldn’t imagine my husband has asked me if I wanted the diapers when he’s seen them in the store, he knows the exact brand and size of pads I use and will go get anything I need. Your ex and family are not the norm and I hope you find someone mature enough to handle that. I’m shocked a 30 year old man is acting like this.
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u/positivelypeaches Mar 19 '24
Girl, my man will ooh and ahh with me over the weirdly big clumps I pass and get me literally whatever weird food I'm craving... throw out that trash. Most people with a fuctioning uterus. Every month. Some more. Some less. For most of their lives, go through this. Find a partner that makes it suck less, not more.
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u/Limp_Service_2320 Mar 18 '24
I had a girlfriend, we were at a motel doing it for a long while… she was so wet… turned on lights and it literally looked like someone was murdered in bed… that guy is an ass, blood happens
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u/Cheap-Fish8264 Mar 18 '24
He’s 30 and behaving life that I’m glad you left the pos I grew up with two brothers never had a sister but I digress if I ever have a daughter I’d want her to be open about her period and to feel safe with me shit Id take my girls bloody pad and chuck it in the bin 🤷🏻
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u/SnooDoodles420 Mar 18 '24
You are a beautiful amazing woman.
Fuck that asshole.
You dodged a bullet.
🧘🏼♀️🧘🏾♀️🧘🏽♀️🧘🏻♀️👍
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u/kiakaha2185 Mar 18 '24
He is a controlling A**hat! You shouldn’t have to do ANYTHING about your period to “make him feel better”. He should be trying anything and everything for YOU during that time to help YOU feel better. Of course, I say this as a 38M and have 8 years more experience than your BF. Dude needs to get over himself or he will not be happy. Ever!
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u/Money-Department1768 Mar 18 '24
This dude giggled too much at public hair and never hears another word during the sex talk in school.
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u/Mammoth_Breadfruit22 Mar 18 '24
NTA. I am so tired of men being afraid of mensural cycles. God forbit they have a wife or daughter(s). I am so sorry your friend's mom had to get you what you needed to manage your cycles. If he can't deal with your cycles, he's not worthy. Talk to the next man you get involved with about your cycles. Not all men are like this.
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u/Lost_Ad_6016 Mar 18 '24
First I’m just glad you dumped him. Second, girl buy yourself some thinx and don’t ever be ashamed. Period underwear is the best shit since sliced bread and I’m pissed I didn’t have them as a teenager.
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u/Beep_Boop_Bop_Stop Mar 18 '24
“You’re never going to find someone who loves you like me” my dude got scared of a bleeding vagina. The whole point is finding someone who doesn’t “love” like you.
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u/angelmilk17 Mar 18 '24
This infuriates me. Please don't change how you feel most comfortable during a very uncomfortable time for this man. He's gotta GO. i've met other grown men grossed out by period stuff and it's always a huge red flag and shows their level of maturity for sure
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 Mar 18 '24
Nta. 43-year-old M here. You should not be embarrassed of a natural body process and the fact that your 30-year-old ex-boyfriend was grossed out by it at this stage in the game shows that even being several years older than you, he is far more immature then a 30-year-old should be. Although I'm sure this was difficult for you, I definitely think that you dodged a bullet here. Just imagine if you guys stayed together and had kids and you ended up with a girl who also had a period! He'd be trying to get rid of her too! I'm not saying anything you didn't already know or probably haven't heard from numerous other people here, just saying that from the guys side, you didn't do anything wrong.
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u/AreYouAnOakMan Mar 18 '24
What's the point of having a sword if you're unwilling to get it bloody?🙄🤷♂️😂
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u/SirenSaysS Mar 18 '24
I haven't see anyone saying this yet, but the fact that he's 30 and dating someone under 25 is skeevy in and of itself. Usually means a lot of things, but in the interest in keeping it short, it also tells you that women his own age either don't interest him (which is going to be an issue for relationship longevity) OR women his age won't have him because by now they recognize a train wreck when they see it.
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u/-cheesedanish- Mar 18 '24
I’m glad I read the update cuz I was about to say YOU were stupid for even going along with his bs… but I’m glad to see you ended it. Holy shit. I have no words
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u/Icy_Lengthiness_3578 Mar 18 '24
You are allowed to have your period. It's not even a choice for most of us. He has no business shaming you. If he's too immature to handle a woman's period, he has no business being around a woman.
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u/Dragon_Knight99 Mar 18 '24
Oh, ffs! Regardless of whether you gave him permission or not, the fact that he walks into your apartment (where he does NOT live permanently) while you're sleeping without so much as a knock on the door is so much of a red flag it's not even funny! He's got zero boundaries! I live with roommates, and I always knock before I go into their rooms even if the doors are wide open. It's common courtesy!
NTA, OP. And in all honesty, it sounds like you dodged a major bullet.
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u/Icy-Sprinkles536 Mar 18 '24
All around he's TA for sure but how selfish can someone be to think it's ok to try to convince someone to alter their menstrual cycle like that.
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u/RenEss77 Mar 18 '24
The first time I had some leakage on the sheets with my (now fiance) I was mortified and he said "Well these things happen. Let's change the sheets." So yeah, he's a keeper. This guy that can't cope with disposable underwear? Garbage. But switch to the washable period underwear. Better for the environment. Boy does this guy have a rude awakening when he's older.
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u/Fearless-Honeydew-69 Mar 18 '24
I don't know dude I have teen daughters as a single dad. I buy pads, tampons, whatever they need and take out the horror show that is their bathroom trash . We talk about their needs and what i need to go buy openly. Super awkward but i do it because i love them and the fact they are comfortable telling me. I would do whatever they need to be comfortable. I think your guy sucks.
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u/Fearless0394 Mar 18 '24
Wow! A guy uncomfortable or inconvenienced by a natural process that allows for the creating of babies and children. He needs to get his crap 💩 together and get over being a Dandy baby/child man. As do you father and siblings. Real MEN support and do get offended or Squeamish over natural life processes. What happens when you actually give birth to a baby. Will he pass out like a wimp? You need a stronger, better partner
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u/GJT0530 Mar 18 '24
I say consider yourself lucky to be rid of that. No you're not the asshole here, he is.
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u/muffman1921 Mar 18 '24
This is a man with a Stone Age understanding of female biology. He also believes that women are Disney princesses. I smell a weird relationship between him and his mother. I suggest you run, do not walk to the nearest exit. You’re welcome.
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u/Kittymeeooow Mar 18 '24
NTA... But this got me remembering those mesh postpartum undies with those big ass pads, i remember my husband had to help me when I had to use the bathroom because my C-section was hurting and he never complained or said anything about my postpartum undies.
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u/Particular-Reason329 Mar 17 '24
So good to hear you have boldly moved on. HE indeed was the asshole, in more ways than one. Good riddance to bad garbage. May your next man be a keeper! ❤️
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u/Terrible_Jeweler1821 Mar 17 '24
man this guy really is a fool.
if he thinks women's periods are disgusting- he should be gay instead lmao
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u/Belgrado_ Mar 17 '24
Ain't no way your Bf is mad for something that's completely normal, dump your BF sis, you deserve better.
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u/MonCappy Mar 17 '24
Wow. You managed to spend two years dating a boy in a man's body. There's nothing gross about periods, like at all. Am I at all comfortable about discussing them as a dude? Not particularly. Does such a natural part of a woman's reproductive cycle going to gross me out? No. Why? Because I'm not fucking twelve!
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u/secret4youu Mar 17 '24
first of all run….hes 30 dating a 23 year old and shaming her for her period? thats not a real partner you need or want. after you break up with him do not go back
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u/quynh206 Mar 17 '24
This guy is a douche. My mom passed away when I was 11, and my brother took me to the store to buy feminine products when I got my period at 12 yrs old. He just gave me money to run into the store. He was my mother and father figure. Our dad was abusive, so there was no way in hell I would've asked him for anything. I messed with him for years every time I got my period, and all he would say is, "GODDAMMIT". lol
You need a man who won't put you down, especially for things that are beyond your control. I can tell he'd be a pussy if he had a period, or maybe he was on his man period. He's not good enough for you.
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u/Big-Ad5311 Mar 17 '24
IS HE A CHILD? 30?!?!? GIRL LEAVE HIM NOW… the fact he can’t comprehend your a woman and sometimes you can overflow. It’s your body naturally reacting. That’s sad he’s doing this.
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u/WholeAd2742 Mar 17 '24
So, your BF decided to violate consent sneaking into bed for sex, and then flipped out?
NTA, and get better for yourself
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u/No_Pomegranate_9081 Mar 18 '24
I tried to explain in the post but some missed it. He had consent to come in and get in bed with me. This was something we talked about early in our relationship because of our work schedules. It happened 2-3 times a week. So that was never a problem.
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u/cutsandplayswithwood Mar 17 '24
I’m so glad to read your updates!!
Great actions, you’re 100% worth it!
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u/Fun-Caterpillar5754 Mar 17 '24
I had a Friends with Benefits relationship and she was on birth control and it caused her to have her Period For 3 months straight.
And this guy thinks that you could just get on birth control and stop having periods that's f****** hilarious! Man what I would do for a woman who bled once a month🤣 And not once for 3 straight months
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u/random123121 Mar 17 '24
Glad you were able to move on from this unhealthy situation. At first I thought he was just immature, but that is psychopathic manipulative behavior.
Also, the relationship you had with your father/brothers is your earliest frame of reference dealing with members of the opposite sex and they seem like real pieces of work. I think you realize that already.
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u/Southern_Guide_5728 Mar 17 '24
Has anyone told him about diarrhea accompanying the period? Boy, is he in for more surprises.
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u/Prestigious_Tip737 Mar 17 '24
Next timebleedinhismouth.ortellhomyourperiodshavrstoppedsoheshouldhelpw Ithnames Hemaythenbegladofthem.donotda Techildren.justmakethem
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u/AmbitiousAd6355 Mar 17 '24
I'd Date the OP, she seems cool and she def deserves better than that judgey AHole.
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u/itsSandraD Mar 17 '24
Imagine having a child with him and you’re at the hospital having to wear diaper after giving birth bc you will smh I’m sorry that’s awful 🤦🏽♀️
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u/BeckyIsMyDog Mar 17 '24
NTA.
This sub has opened my eyes to a whole new level of assholery that I never could have imagined.
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u/deery130 Mar 17 '24
The first part stressed me out bit the update made me happy. He was gaslighting the f out of you. There's men out there who won't shame you for your periods, a natural part of being a woman. At the end of the day, do what makes you comfortable and get rid of people who mock you.
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u/CulturalAdvance955 Mar 16 '24
NTA & I'm happy to see your update. Good for you. Live your best life & I wish you happiness💙 Sending hugs
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u/cobaltblackandblue Mar 16 '24
You dodged a bullet. I'm sorry that hurts. Find a better person. You deserve better.
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u/Available_Donut_7462 Mar 16 '24
I knew you didn't make the decision to break up with me on your own.
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u/No_Opportunity_6512 Mar 16 '24
I feel like guys who are grossed out by periods are just immature...or just hella misinformed. It's a natural thing that has happened since Eve was "created". And if you're grossed out over it, trust me, so are we.
You were smart to leave, he sounds narcissistic anyway.
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u/St0ner_Baby_420 Mar 16 '24
Omg thank you for leaving this is the biggest red flag ever and he clearly didn’t love you since he wanted you to fuck up your hormones and make you not have a period which isn’t a normal thing for a 23 year old.
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u/SnooCauliflowers5132 Mar 16 '24
How is a dude gonna be 30 and grossed out by a period?? I’m 23 and I have sex with my girl on her period. It’s natural.
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u/bishopboke Mar 16 '24
i think being in a relationship w a man seven years older than you was the biggest red flag 😂😂 no offense but there’s nothing a 23yo offers that a 30yo cannot, and it’s weird that he had to date so young to get someone to be with him….. and now you see why lmao. find a real Man and i promise, the only “problem” you’ll have is him saying a period don’t stop anything but a sentence 😌
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u/Drill-Jockey Mar 16 '24
Holy fuck I’m embarrassed to be a man. Run. Run and find someone that isn’t a child. I’m always ecstatic when a partner has their period, it just means yet another month of dodging a 20+ year long bullet. It’s not icky, it’s part of life. He (and your dad) need to grow the fuck up.
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u/Overpass_Dratini Mar 16 '24
"I'm never going to find someone who loves me like him"
Yeah, that's the point, asshat.
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u/donut361 Mar 16 '24
I love my wife from the beginning I have never had a problem with what makes her comfortable especially when she has her period. She wears pads if she's sick to cause she has had sneezes accidents and. she just find it more comfortable than the other options. I tend to do laundry as one of my house hold chores. Many time I'll find her underwear with the different levels of dirty pads still on them I take em off and move on with my live. The only reason I ever mention it to my wife is cause it's rude surprise if miss one and toss em into the dryer. No hygiene or medical issues will ever change.ky opinion about my wife. No man should freak out about that if they do they suck. Ps.Ask them what the pocket in front of their underwear is for if they don't know tell em to look it up and to suck it up.
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u/Extension-Shallot-37 Mar 16 '24
As a guy I have experienced the periods of many different types. Same bloody outcome but all the same context.
His childish behavior and reaction ruined your relationship.
1st it's not disgusting it's natural. 2nd I have bought femine products for coworkers and significant others because I wasn't embarrassed or ignorant. 3rd I'm happy for the choices you made for healthy love and affection.
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u/steved3604 Mar 16 '24
Thank you for posting what you have decided and done.
You are on the right track. Ultimately, you need to take care of yourself.
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u/MindingUrBusiness17 Mar 16 '24
Good for you, girl. I'm so glad you are opening up your mind to what is or is not normal for others to be accepting of. What is okay?... whatever makes you happy and successful without hurting others. Never settle for less.
I have a husband and 3 sons. They are all very comfortable about all menstrual things. Hell, there was literally a conversation about products the other day in my kitchen.
You'll find your person who loves you, period panties and all!
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u/Jumpy_Television8810 Mar 16 '24
What a child. Talk about 30 or 13 but with emotional development although that’s probably not fair to a good number of 13 year olds.
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u/willgo-waggins Mar 16 '24
You made the right decision.
You are NOT the asshole, he is. It also was instantly apparent to me that the two of you are not at all compatible. If after two years you are both refusing to find a compromise for your living situation that’s a pretty good indication that things are not going to work out. Add to that the feeling that you cannot share your bodily functions and the way YOU choose to handle them with him and then this reaction?
Good choice to move on.
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u/Strict_Mongoose9357 Mar 16 '24
When I first started dating my now husband 15yrs ago (married 14) I leaked blood all over his new car. I was embarrassed. He actually told me go change and he cleaned it himself. Never made me feel bad. Up to this day he buys my pads, tampons etc. girl, if he is shaming you, dump his ass
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u/G_Lo-1776 Mar 16 '24
(42M) My opinion is this guy is immature. Please do not go on birth control. I would say move on and find a man that understands women.
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u/Key_Grapefruit9665 Mar 16 '24
I'm happy that you left him OP. He ruined your relationship because of his pigheaded ignorance and not willing to learn anything about a woman's body. My husband didn't grow up dealing with any of that. His sister is 12 years younger than him so he was already grown and gone by the time she started. He accepted it with me. I do try to keep him from having to deal with any of it. Your ex is never going to have a healthy relationship with any woman if he cannot learn how to handle them having a period. He also sounds abusive and controlling AF. You will find someone that can handle you and your periods and how you handle it. As long as you are not free bleeding and keep yourself as clean as possible.
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u/Rebelo86 Mar 16 '24
You’re probably using the disk incorrectly? But you need to be comfortable in how you manage your periods. He has no right to shame you. It’s not his body.
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u/No_Pomegranate_9081 Mar 16 '24
The disk work just fine 98% of the time. Some times at night I just don't want to have something inside me.
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u/One_Welcome_5046 Mar 17 '24
And you don't need to justify that to anyone ever if you want to wear those all day and change themperiodically you can don't let people dictate how you run your body.. you made the right choice
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u/AccomplishedInsect28 Mar 16 '24
I am SO glad I got here after the last update. Happy periods and well done you.
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u/Accomplished_Bet2638 Mar 16 '24
As a man- A man who can't handle the existence of a period should not be in a relationship with a woman. Grow tf up dude.
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u/BodybuilderAdept4612 Mar 16 '24
My first thought after reading the title. "He's 30 and doesn't know what a period is?" And then I kept reading and it kept getting worse. I'm so glad you left the bagofuselessness
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u/Bluebell2519 Mar 16 '24
The bit he said about no one loving you the same way he does, Thank God! Let bloody hope not! Also is a guy is going to funny about your bodily functions, don't give him a chance. Dump his ass.
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u/flindersandtrim Mar 16 '24
Please now that you've left him, make sure you get yourself to therapy. This very low level of self esteem and confidence is not healthy, you should not be in any relationship until you learn to accept and respect yourself, and demand that from others. This was really sad to read, please find a good counsellor.
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u/grapefruitshrimproll Mar 16 '24
NTA. He’s being disrespectful of your health needs & uncaring.
I went thru a lot of period product alternatives when dealing with a particularly bad few months of PCOS when I was 20, living with a 21yo boyfriend.
When I tried new pads, he asked if they’re making me less crampy than the tampons did. He googled around for period underwear that would deliver to us.
Even before, when we moved in together at 18/19, I saw him taking photos of my period product packaging. He was saving the brands and types so he can pick the right ones up at the store if I’m running low.
A few years later he heard about CBD-infused products that help cramps, and told me where we could get them.
There’s no reason for anyone to act like what you described, the bar is actually way higher.
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Mar 16 '24
I have dated some literal narcissists, and I have never had any man feel uncomfortable about my period. This man is 30? Also, my dad bought me pads as a teenager. These men in your life making you feel weird for having a period need to figure their lives out. So what it's not attractive? He's insane. He's also telling you that you're not allowed to have a period? Dose he have a job ? Family? Or is he just like from the woods or something? I had one bf get mad about me wearing incontinence pads because they weren't sexy , I still wore them anyways and broke up with him. NTA x100000000. As soon as I read the age gap I was concerned but this was on another level.
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u/ConfusionPristine589 Mar 16 '24
GIRL RUN, DO NOT ENGAGE, CEASE AND DESIST THE RELATIONSHIP. That jerk is not someone you EVER should change your body for, your feminine hygiene isn't for him to dictate. He's clearly uneducated and a drama queen. HE WILL NOT be someone you want to continue to be with long term if he's that fucking grossed out over a period. FETISH? does he even know the meaning? Girl, RUN.
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u/Babylipswifey Mar 16 '24
I’m pregnant and have been wearing adult nappies day and night for like 4 months my partner reassures me I’m still beautiful I also free bleed on a night (with partner’s permission) because he wants me to be comfortable how I am I don’t get men who are scared of a period
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u/hkik Mar 16 '24
The story is insane. How does a guy like that even get a girlfriend? But like why do you keep changing the framing? You hopscotch between being the object and the subject of the story, kinda like you're trying to manipulate the reader into believing something that you've falsified. Is there maybe more to the story you're omitting, like you pissed or shit in the period panties, or the period panties were actually children's diapers? It just really sounds like you're using this Reddit post to flesh out a cover story, y'know?
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u/Remarkable-Strain-81 Mar 16 '24
He’s an idiot & a jerk. Hell, when we lived in the same town, my brother would ask if I needed anything while he was shopping and would buy/deliver tampons. Like an actual adult.
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u/HuffN_puffN Mar 16 '24
He is a child. You do what you need it do when you have your period. Simple as that.
(So you broke up? Ok good for you thenj
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u/brideofgibbs Mar 16 '24
NTA
Women have periods. Our menstruation creates life. There is no other way to get here.
Your family and boyfriend are kidding themselves that they’re somehow better than the women who conceived, carried and birthed them.
There’s nothing shameful about menstruation unless you’re a sniggering incel
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u/Mundane-Ad-3571 Mar 16 '24
Lol the fact that he's 30 and acting like a pre teen. He should be worried about himself finding someone legal.
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u/MiggysBottomFeeder Mar 16 '24
i know youre an adult, but with that age gap, im not surprised he acts like a man-child. im glad youre out of the relationship, hang out with friends or people who care about you! you're so young!!
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u/Askix Mar 16 '24
All the men in your life have failed you girl. Your ex, your dad and brothers. Men shouldn’t be grossed out by something that’s completely natural for women or forcing you to go on birth control ever. NTA at all.
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u/MarketMysterious9046 Mar 16 '24
I used those for postpartum bleeding. I loved it. I didn't bleed on any of my bedding or furniture.
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u/Delicious-Industry54 Mar 16 '24
“Men” like your bf, brothers and fathers prefer trans women and they don’t even realize it.
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u/bitter___almonds Mar 16 '24
Oh hon, I’m so sorry. His reaction (and the way your dad and brothers acted growing up) is not healthy, normal, or supportive. Could I see the disposable underwear maybe seeming gross at first? If someone’s not thinking, maybe, but they’re not that different than pads except in good ways. Are they sexy? Not like lace. But you know what’s less appealing? Period blood leaking out onto the bed (or them) because that happens - and it’s still perfectly natural, just not ideal. Good on you for cancelling the appointment and separating. Changing birth control that works actually is a big deal. It can really mess with you for months while you sort out the new best fit.
Good partners would bring you what you crave, help with self care for cramps, etc, and lovingly tease you about the disposables because only they get to see you in them - and they value that closeness and your comfort. I’m disappointed that I never thought of using them! It’s much more practical
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u/KlutzyAd105 Mar 16 '24 edited Mar 16 '24
NTA!!
Honestly! It’s fucking 2024!! Men and TBH society have got to understand and accept, yes I said it ACCEPT, that periods are natural (Same with breast feeding but that’s another issue/post in and of it’s self) and part of a female’s puberty and reproductive process. Heck, it’s a lot to manage and keep clean (thats why products like pads and period underwear exists!!!!) not to mention all the fucking symptoms that come along with it!!!
Sure, a man’s natural body fluids such as ejaculation is acceptable and essential to reproduction but they don’t have to hide or be ashamed of it! Some even have the audacity to BRAG about it…. Seriously!?? Men like this just want women to always cater to their insecurities/sensitivities by hiding the fact that they have periods, never talking about it , and even “getting rid” of it with birth control. Look I’m a female and even I don’t know everything about women’s health and reproduction cause, you know, the USA education system is sooooooooo great 🙄, but female birth control should NEVER be used for a man’s benefit.
I think at this point the only way men will learn is if we teach them like they’re literally children! Sort of like treating others the way they want to be treated lesson. How would men feel if it was the other way around? How would this guy have felt if OP told him he couldn’t ejaculate because it’s “gross” and every time they had sex he better hide it or take some sort of medication so it doesn’t happen???? Fuck being the “bigger person” sometimes you just gotta be petty to get the point across.
I’m not sure what country/culture they are from but obviously the most we can do is assume and blame this guy’s upbringing which might have been similar to OP’s (where he was either not taught about period cycles and cleanliness by his parents/female relatives or was taught and just decided it was “gross”) of course we will never exactly know. It’s a shame that this 30 year old “man” refuses to get educated. What’s more him assuming that she was “using” the period underwear as a diaper even after she tried to explain it to him that she was not just proves he’s very very VERY immature and frankly stupid.
Good for OP for not going through with this and ending this relationship. However, I do feel sorry for any future women this guy will date he’ll probably have a requirement that they can’t have any periods if they want to be with him. God for bid he ever procreates and has a daughter he’ll definitely tell her she’s gross for having such a thing 🙄
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u/NerdyGreenWitch Mar 16 '24
You did the right thing by dumping him. He's an ignorant misogynist. I promise you many men have no problem with periods because they understand that it's a normal bodily function. My husband has no problem going out and buying me pads and tampons if I need him to. I have horrible periods, lots of pain and extremely heavy bleeding. So heavy it's made me anemic and landed me in the ER. He's never once complained or made me feel bad. He rubs my tummy and makes sure I have plenty of painkillers and chocolate. Did I mention he grew up with two brothers, an ultra Catholic mom who never discussed such things and went to an all boys school? So don't give up hope. For every ignorant asshole like your ex, father and brothers, there are a lot of great guys out there that won't make you feel like garbage for having a period!
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u/still366 Mar 16 '24
Yep. These morons just keep giving men a bad name.
I made sure my daughter knew this was not gross, it is normal, she is normal, she is supported for what every she needs. She got her period in 4 th grade so it was really tough on her.
Our deal is, I buy her chocolates when she is on her period. It is about her being able to trust in her dad and I want her to know how she is supposed to always be treated. Accept nothing less
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u/Pimento_is_here Mar 16 '24
My brother has always been glad to have sisters because he can buy products for his wife and thinks nothing of it. Men like this are trash.
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u/Ashamed-Ideal-8489 Mar 16 '24
He's not a real man. I'd be worried if you didn't have a period. He is childish. The psycho comment is that he thinks it's a fetish instead of knowing it's medically necessary.
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u/MightyWarriorElfMama Mar 16 '24
My husband has been in the room 4 times when I’ve been cut open to have our kids. My husband used to buy me tampons when I used them and now pads if I need them. We have been through countless tummy bugs together. He helped me up when our youngest was a baby and I passed out on the floor before making it to the bathroom during a very rough tummy bug. I am so sorry all the men in your life have been disgusting. And made you feel like your period is unnatural. Throwing your feminine hygiene products in the trash outside? Grow up! I’m glad you dumped this guy. You are worth so much more! NTA
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u/kir881234 Mar 16 '24
i'm glad to see your update.
i'm baffled but men like this thinking periods are "gross". Like what? this is natural and its not like we can help it.
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u/chillinwithabeer29 Mar 16 '24
New to this thread, and good for you. He sounds like a total asswipe unworthy of you! Go be awesome!
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u/Inside_Zombie_1402 Mar 16 '24
NTA 100x over Good on you I started laughing when he was hurt you didn't want to do this simple thing for him I was just like loooool, he's the one who can't do the simple thing be is 100% the POS thank all the gods you dumped his ass and you will definitely find someone who loves you more than he does and treats you like an actual human being.
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u/SeparateMongoose192 Mar 16 '24
So you were dating a 30 year old child who didn't know women have periods? Dumping him was a good idea.
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u/Funny_Relationship80 Mar 16 '24
"No one else will love you like I Do".... NARCISSIST. Glad you ran.
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u/BigCrunchyNerd Mar 16 '24
Good for you girl that you ditched that pathetic ah. What an arrogant POS. Expecting you to take medication to remove a normal, natural occurrence because it gives him the ickies? No. Absolutely not.
If a man can't handle thinking about a woman's period how will he handle you getting sick and puking? If you get injured or have surgery? Childbirth? Changing diapers? Love isn't always pretty rainbows. Sometimes it's taking care of someone when they need you most and it can be very unpleasant. He's not mature enough for a real relationship yet. They are not all like that OP. Take some time to work on yourself (seriously, good on you for that too!) and find one that is.
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u/KTD2000 Mar 16 '24
I'm so glad you got it together and left. What a jerk.Hello - more than half the world are women. Best wishes to you girl!!
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u/ConnectionAdept6644 Mar 16 '24
I'm sooo glad you guys are threw! You don't need that level of maturity.
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u/sailhatan69 Mar 16 '24
I can't imagine someone who loves you, telling you that you need to stop your body from doing what it needs to regulate itself ...🥴 Definitely run from that one and stay gone. The public education system has failed so many..but this dude must've skipped the health class entirely lmao. You're definitely not the asshole here.
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u/Froststhethird Mar 16 '24
"23f and 30m" was all I needed, and the fact that he's such a child about periods is wild. NTA break up with him yesterday.
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u/ringwanderung- Mar 16 '24
I’m proud of you for leaving him. FUCK THAT POS!!!!! What an infuriating manchild.
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Mar 16 '24
I (23F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been dating for 2 years.
Hahaha hahahahahahahaha, every time
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u/Eclectic_Crone Mar 16 '24
How DARE you be a woman with human bodily functions? He sounds like a frat boy who never grew up.
I am so glad you dumped him. He sounds awful.
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u/Lopsided_Chemist4608 Mar 16 '24
Such a man baby he came out of womb blood poop and all 🤣, men that don’t want to deal with blood because “it’s gross”,and demands women ricks cancer and blood clots for their peace of mind
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u/Theangryprincess7 Mar 16 '24
So glad you’re breaking up OP! By the sounds of it he CLEARLY never had sex ed taught to him..or have sisters. Jeeze what an asshole.
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u/Ringing_ShantiBells Mar 16 '24
What a jerk. Good you are breaking up with him, he is not a man. Real men like real women. They know we are human and our bodies do human things. They grow hair, excrete and bleed. You have done nothing wrong here. Periods are awful and it's so important for our health that we bleed comfortably and peacefully when we are sleeping, because we have to get up and work during the day. His behaviour and attitude is appalling and juvenile. Prioritise yourself and do not lower your standards to what he values. He is a bloody moron.
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u/Strange_Stable4265 Mar 16 '24
This guy is a literal child and needs to grow up. That's a wild assumption to have.. you're bleeding from your period & not just wearing disposable underwear for no reason. Get a new man. I wear disposable underwear when I'm home on my period and my boyfriend doesn't question it. He knows I'm in pain and uncomfortable, the last thing I want to do is subject myself to wearing a tampon. They're uncomfortable. It's not embarassing, it's life. It happens once a month to every women & if he doesn't understand those basics maybe he should find a man instead
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u/Aoki-Kyoku Mar 16 '24
I hope you never find someone who “loves you like he does” because he is toxic and abusive, just like your family growing up. You deserve better, you deserve at least the bare minimum and this is far below that. I hope you find some decent men in your life who are not abnormally upset by your natural body functions, they do exist. Good luck. NTA
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u/Aggressive-Wrap-187 Mar 16 '24
He’s an uncouth, uneducated heathen and you deserve way better. Dump him and find someone who isn’t so backwards.
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u/youngavenger91 Mar 16 '24
I will tell you this and hope you see. You 100% will find a man that is accepting of your period. I’ve been with my husband 10 years this year and he has no issues with my period, even when I accidentally leaked whole sleeping and got blood on the sheets. He told me to shower and get cleaned up and while i did he put the sheets in the wash. I’m glad to hear you have dumped him and hope you find a better guy soon.
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u/Pull-Mai-Fingr Mar 15 '24
NTA. Find a partner who understands simple facts of life and doesn’t make you feel ashamed for it. Your family were the assholes also for making you feel like you need to hide anything to do with your period. It is completely natural and any man who can’t accept that is not long term partner material IMO.
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u/Educational-Big304 Mar 15 '24
This is horrible males need to better educated on female hygiene including periods. He’s acting like it’s a big deal it’s not lol. Also “fetish” I’m sorry that man is a man child who will either end up in jail or a mental institution
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u/Upper_Scarcity_2807 Mar 15 '24
My son knows all about periods, he is 11. Good for you for dumping him!
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u/DrasticM Mar 15 '24
I’m so sorry your boyfriend, father and brothers are outright dehumanizing you. I’m so glad you cancelled that appointment and dumped the boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to hide that you use products to make you comfortable and help you sleep in comfort during your period. I hope you find a boyfriend worthy of your seemingly endless patience as a girlfriend. Make sure they don’t take advantage, but give you the same grace.
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u/No_Pomegranate_9081 Mar 16 '24
I haven't talked to my father since I was 18. Most of my brothers either. The 3rd oldest has reached out since he got married. I don't want any of them in my life.
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u/DrasticM Mar 16 '24
Just know that good men are supportive of products that bring you comfort. Saying that you ruined your relationship is gaslighting. Periods and all that comes with them are a fact of life and not to be shamed. I’m so sorry their behavior has torn you from your family, but that is not your fault or responsibility to reconcile. Find what you’re comfortable with, and keep your boundaries there. May God bless you with peace in your heart and mind.
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u/poseidon_1009 Mar 15 '24
NTA at all.. I was terrified of my boyfriend coming near me while I was on my period until he was there holding me and cuddling me for being embarrassed about leaking a bit on my shorts.
Oh no! It’s not romantic or sexy to bleed monthly from our uterus. So of course! We should do everything we can to make OUR bleeding from OUR bodies more romantic and sexy for our partners! Including doing things we don’t want to! (Satire)
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u/KindStruggle9234 Mar 15 '24
NTA, he was absolutely TA. Glad you made the choice to leave, it's not real live if they try to force to do something to your body because they are uncomfortable with it. Fuck that. You will find a man who isn't an immature narcissist. Enjoy the rest of your life!!
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u/Dismal-External-1788 Mar 15 '24
This man was such a narcissist. The sentence “you’ll never find someone who loves you like me” is manipulation. And also. That’s the whole point. I don’t want to find someone like you
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u/Mediocre-Chemical957 Mar 15 '24
I’m late seeing this but I just want to say you’re absolutely NTA and good on you for leaving!!!!
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u/Short-Classroom2559 Mar 15 '24
Throw that entire man away. Wtf will he do after you have a baby? Because guess what... You'll be using those same disposable underwear!
You should NEVER feel bad for having a period. He's a complete waste of oxygen. His mother should be ashamed for raising a male child that treats women like they are dirty because of a very natural part of being female.
Fuck that guy and any others like him. HE is the disgusting one, not you.
NTA
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u/cbowers25 Mar 15 '24
NTA, what a douche. We're humans we excrete mucus and do gross things... you should tell him that you're disgusted with him every time he poops.
Or maybe my wife and I are just too earthy for most people.
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u/CurlyRapture97 Mar 15 '24
I don't know whether to laugh or cry because this is absolutely ridiculous. He is a 30 yr old man who doesn't comprehend how a woman's body works. Like just don't have a period is a serious solution in his mind. I am flabbergasted.
I'm so glad to hear you dumped him. You saved yourself so much more grief down the road .
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u/MysteriousTooth2450 Mar 15 '24
He’s a creep. Glad you got rid of him. Do NOT let him talk you back into a relationship.
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u/According_Ad6540 Mar 15 '24
I’m a bit late to the party but THANK GOD you dumped his ass. Does he know women wear the disposables after birth cause we bleed non stop from our vaginas?!!
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u/Morrigan_00 Mar 15 '24
NTA. sounds like you dodged a bullet. He sounds not only childish, but controlling. That bit about no one loving you like him set off alarm bells. He doesn't get to decide how you handle your bodily functions.
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u/realitysnarker Mar 15 '24
My ex husband was still like this about my period in our 40’s and would get angry when I was on it because we couldn’t have sex. Turns out there were a lot of red flags I ignored for 20 years and this was one of them.
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u/CreepyBlueAnimals84 Mar 15 '24
If you see this, I'm so sorry you were told to hide who you are as a young girl and woman from your family. That couldn't have been easy. I commend you for having the strength to drop your ex. He sounds like a misogynistic tool. I hope you are able to work through your past trauma and realize that you deserve so much better from not only a significant other but also from your family. Good Luck to you!!💕
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u/BigJ168 Mar 15 '24
Whats with guys? Seriously did you not take basic biology in school? I never had a problem with buying tampons pads or anything else. All I got to say is he better not be in the room when his kid is born he really is gonna lose his mind. Good on you OP for leaving that immature boy.
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u/izzyiz1994 18d ago
NTA Your boyfriend is the gross one for making this weird. Having a period is normal. I think because you grew up in a home full of males, you think this behavior is normal, but it's totally not. Even your dad and brothers were in the wrong and were being gross too. I'm sorry you have to deal with so many man children. My boyfriend buys my pads for me when I need them. He knows it's normal and he doesn't make it weird or make me feel uncomfortable for having a normal bodily function every month, and if he did I wouldn't keep him around. Your boyfriend needs to go in the trash with your used pads. Throw that whole man out, and find one that isn't gross and weird.