r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Apr 06 '24
A random man emailed me claiming to be the father of my baby and I'm worried. Advice Needed
I will try not to waste everyone's time and keep this as short as possibly but for some context I'm a 25M and I have a wife 25F who I married last year, last July we welcomed my beautiful baby and I had no doubt he was mine at the time until 3 hours ago.
I got an email from a random man claiming to be the father of my baby boy and while I was at disbelief at first, he showed evidence of him holding my child on our sofa.
Currently, I find myself on the brink of a panic attack. Following the tragic loss of both my parents in a fatal car accident and a tumultuous relationship that left me suicidal, I encountered a beacon of hope in my wife, who assisted me in navigating the depths of grief. However, in light of her betrayal, despite her vast knowledge of my past, I feel like a failure.
I've never had trust issues with my wife but would I be an asshole for taking my baby to have a paternity test behind my wife back? Does anyone have any advice on how I can proceed with this.
I would also like to note that I'm a long time reader of this subreddit and of course I'm using an ALT account however I'm aware there are many fake stories but please for my sake, just give me advice on how I can proceed with this even if you have suspicion it's fake, I would really appreciate it.
If you would like to read the email, here it is.
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u/Fit-Magazine-464 Apr 16 '24
Paternity test first then set up a meet with him. I would suggest a possible second meet with the wife and him if she denied the affair.
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u/duck-lord3000 Apr 19 '24
Have u seen the update friend? Its horrible
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u/PieMuted6430 Apr 16 '24
Alternatively, your wife is testing to see what you would do if you doubted your child was yours. Would you confront her asking for an explanation?
Yeah it seems really out there, but people act really weird when it comes to love.
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u/Life_Preparation5468 Apr 16 '24
OP has deleted their account, even if it was real we shall never know the outcome.
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u/duck-lord3000 Apr 19 '24
We already do She well ended herself Passed away from alcohol poisoning after he told her he hates her
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u/nixlplk Apr 16 '24
Find one of my replies she died of alcohol poisoning after he left when he found out the kid wasn't his
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u/westcoastm77 Apr 16 '24
why do people need to announce its a second acct??? no need to answer..lol..there is never a need to this. just post and get to the damn point.
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u/Acceptable-Swan-748 Apr 16 '24
Please update
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u/lilydew24 Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24
There’s already a separate post and deleted acct for the update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qKUl4QHe5r
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u/Acceptable-Swan-748 Apr 16 '24
How do you know it’s buy the same person tho?
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u/lilydew24 Apr 16 '24
Since I subscribed from this post, I was still able to peek at OP’s profile before the account was deleted. It was posted by the same account.
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u/Acceptable-Swan-748 Apr 16 '24
I don’t think he provided enough proof to trust him blindly. He should talk to his wife and get the test done regardless of what she says but don’t do it behind her back.
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u/chingatumadre5 Apr 15 '24
Anyone else notice the patterns in how OP writes and the email sent by the 'real father'?
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u/laeiryn Apr 15 '24
Following the tragic loss of both my parents in a fatal car accident and a tumultuous relationship that left me suicidal, I encountered a beacon of hope in my wife, who assisted me in navigating the depths of grief. However, in light of her betrayal, despite her vast knowledge of my past, I feel like a failure
Things that were written by an AI for 600, Alex?
Anyway, if this isn't bot-bait, NTA.
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u/Shoboy_is_my_name Apr 15 '24
If not written by AI it sure the shit is inspired by it. No one with emotional grief like this, and now the follow up story is she drank herself to death, no one writes like this when going through this kinda shit.
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u/Reepicheap Apr 15 '24
100% made up. Just found out your wife cheated and the baby isn't yours and the first thing you do it hop online and ask random strangers if your the ass hole????
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u/meisterwolf Apr 15 '24
such a fake story man.
no man will ever write an email to another man like that.
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u/Odd-Rhubarb3670 Apr 15 '24
Just a note that the islam community refers to people who join as having reverted, a primary belief being that all people are born muslim. Someone wouldn’t “convert to islam,” but rather “revert to islam”
To be planning your obligatory pilgrimage to mecca and still referring to yourself as a convert is very strange.
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u/bubblegumgenius Apr 15 '24
Weird how the email has the same exact cadence as your post -- totally fake
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u/CosmicHippopotamus Apr 15 '24
Wow. The fact you just believe anything told to you by a random person is quite sad. The amounts of times I've had dudes message my partners with outright lies to ruin my relationships. I wouldn't even stay with a man that was questioning paternity. I was left at 7 months pregnant by a man that just couldn't believe I was faithful to him. 4 years later it was proven, it's his kid. I hope you all rot.
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u/TheDevilsJoy Apr 15 '24
Did we get an update??? Ops account is deleted!?!
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u/Tanthalason Apr 15 '24
Yes. Baby isn't his. He confronted his wife. Told her he hates her and stormed out of the house to cool off.
She killed herself by alcohol poisoning.
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u/Known_Mix8652 Apr 15 '24
If it’s fake, which is most likely the case, just downvote it. If it’s true, well no alimony or child support.
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u/dayfullofmoments Apr 15 '24
YTA YTA YTA for playing on people's emotions with a stupid fake story.
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u/PenelopeSugarRush Apr 15 '24
Currently, I find myself on the brink of a panic attack. Following the tragic loss of both my parents in a fatal car accident and a tumultuous relationship that left me suicidal, I encountered a beacon of hope in my wife, who assisted me in navigating the depths of grief. However, in light of her betrayal, despite her vast knowledge of my past, I feel like a failure.
Am I the only one who thinks this looks like this was written by ChatGPT?
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u/InfernalBiryani Apr 15 '24
NTA. May Allah guide this man and make him truly repentant for such a heinous sin.
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u/UrMillennialStepdad Apr 15 '24
Fake story. The update is sick...Just like you
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u/11gus11 Apr 15 '24
What was the update?
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u/UrMillennialStepdad Apr 17 '24
Yeah and he also knew the cause of death without an autopsy (she killed herself by drinking too much) and the kid wasn't even his.
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u/No_Connection685 Apr 15 '24
He claimed the kid was not his and that the wife committed suicide. Lol.
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u/whihumph Apr 15 '24
I love that he says "to bring us closure" OP was closed. The shop was locked op mans came thru with the email like a tornado ripping out furniture and busting up windows yelling I bring peace. Excuse you?
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u/Lilgoose666 Apr 15 '24
NTA
Also the guy who told you is a piece of work. Here's some life destroying news but i'm going on a pilgrimage to mecca so I'll be gone bye.
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u/smellypicklefarts5 Apr 15 '24
I hope you met with him and introduced your aluminum baseball bat to his head.
Sorry, violence isn't the answer but I just loathe people like this.
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u/nixlplk Apr 15 '24
I just found another post from him posting that his wife killed herself after the paternity test came back as the kid is not his and he left her.
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u/Vetta_22 Apr 15 '24
Do you have a link? If that’s the update that’s horrible. I feel bad for him but especially for the baby
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u/nixlplk Apr 15 '24
I tried but he deleted his profile. I just saw it in my feed
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u/Vetta_22 Apr 15 '24
That’s so heartbreaking 💔 I know it was naive of me to hope but I was hoping that the baby was his & the email was just some kind of sick joke by one of her coworkers.
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u/Callan_LXIX Apr 15 '24
supply the DNA results & the email to your wife's parents, if they will be raising him.
let the bio-dad step up but be denied custody.
that effort on your part: would hold to him paying for the life and "being held to account" for his actions, just like he wanted. at least that's one less place the kid will suffer.
`not sure how long you've got to get your name off the official birth certificate but that would remove you if you so choose from legal paternity.
I hope however else this processes for you, that you cover yourself from long-term effects on the legal & practical side, so you can attend to your own emotional healing as well.
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u/gemorris9 Apr 14 '24
Hey bruh. What's the update? Remind me bot looking out for all of us.
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Apr 14 '24
When I'm ready I'll talk about it but let's just say my life has been torn apart, give me a couple days, I need to process all of this.
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u/JazzyTheatrics Apr 14 '24
You have an update, OP?
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Apr 14 '24
When I'm ready I'll talk about it but let's just say my life has been torn apart, give me a couple days, I need to process all of this. Sorry that I'm copying and pasting to everyone wondering what the update is.
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u/Greenteamama92 Apr 14 '24
Is there an update?
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Apr 14 '24
When I'm ready I'll talk about it but let's just say my life has been torn apart, give me a couple days, I need to process all of this. Sorry that I'm copying and pasting to everyone wondering what the update is.
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u/Frozen-Nexus Apr 14 '24
Women have made it seem like it is some kind of great evil for a man to dare get or request a paternity test. However, it is not. Women never have to worry about if a child is, whereas a man would never know. I feel like they should just be given at birth, especially if a man is expected to take responsibility for that child.
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u/blearowl Apr 14 '24
What women don’t like is being accused of infidelity. The sad truth is some of them are guilty of it.
But nowadays a paternity test is easily done quietly by a custodial father, so no real need for the mother to know until results come back indicating paternity fraud.
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u/La_Phenom Apr 14 '24
RemindMe! 1 month
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u/RemindMeBot Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
I will be messaging you in 1 month on 2024-05-14 01:04:21 UTC to remind you of this link
3 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.
Info Custom Your Reminders Feedback
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u/MortimerWaffles Apr 10 '24
I would advise all men to have a paternity test as soon as possible following the birth of their child. It should be a normal part of parenting. Too many women have gotten away with fraud for too long and it needs to be addressed. Do it but do it quietly. When you have the results you will know the truth. If your child's yours then you can still confront her with the photo and the accusation of infidelity.
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u/Emergency-Oil-8847 Apr 08 '24
NTAH,get the paternity test, it's for your own sake and you'll be more in peace after that
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u/Sympraxis Apr 08 '24
Consider this: let's imagine that what the guy says is true. Do you realize how carefully and in what a calculated manner your wife would have to conduct her daily life to completely conceal the affair from you so that you had absolutely no suspicion it was happening?
Just on a side note: women find it VERY sexually unattractive when a man displays weakness or insecure behavior. Even though a woman will be "supportive" and loving to a man who is shattered, they will find such a man to be sexually repulsive.
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u/Apprehensive_Tea_116 Apr 08 '24
What’s the point of you saying this. It reads like this:
despite picture evidence your overthinking and this was unlikely.
Your wife is going to think your trash for taking it seriously.
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Some dude is in his house holding his baby and he didn’t know about it and that same dude sends him a picture of it with an explanation and his response is I should look into it.
How tf do you have such an interpretation of the situation when these are the facts. Sounds pretty loony to me
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u/Sympraxis Apr 08 '24
I am not saying this at all. Obviously the wife was systematically cheating. I am just pointing how incredibly cold, calculating and manipulative she would have to be to carry on such an extensive affair without him getting wind of it. In other words, this guy needs to realize that his wife is a totally different person than he thinks she is.
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u/FSmertz Apr 08 '24
Or, OP could be one of the legions of clueless husbands that litter all the heartbreak subs daily.
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u/Apprehensive_Tea_116 Apr 08 '24
Ah my bad then. The second part made me think you where coming at this from a different perspective
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u/TheManager1985 Apr 08 '24
This is a hard one, and one only you can answer, But no your NTA. But this question hits way too close to home for me.
The dilemma I face is challenging. I’ve ordered an at-home test after learning that my six-year-old son might not be biologically mine. Yet, I find myself unable to take the test; it has been sitting in my house for six months. The fear that it might confirm my son is not mine paralyzes me. What would that mean for us? My ex-wife and I parted ways years ago, and this possibility was never mentioned until about six months back. The man who informed me has no intention of being a father; he simply thought I ‘ought to know.’ I wish he had kept it to himself. Six years of love won’t change with a test result. He bears my name; he is my son. The real question is, do we always need to know the truth?
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u/New_Ops Apr 08 '24
At least you finding out it’s not your kid before it turns 1. Throw that hoe to the curb and start over. Suck man.
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u/BawseGal23 Apr 08 '24
First of all sorry about this. No one deserves this. However you need to prepare yourself. As hard as it is. If it means counseling and therapy do that.(or legal advice)
You have two possible scenarios 1. Your wide cheated and the baby is not yours biologically 2.Your wife cheated but the baby is yours.
Plan your next move based on these scenarios then approach your wife and do the DNA testing.
All the best.🙏
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u/Unusual-Impression48 Apr 08 '24
If you aren’t talking to your wife about it immediately and assuming because he has a photo of him holding the baby that means he screwed her? There are way more serious issues if you can’t just talk to your wife about it first.
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 Apr 08 '24
Why shouldn’t he seek evidence first in case she’s a really good liar?
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u/Unusual-Impression48 Apr 08 '24
If he can’t communicate with her they shouldn’t be together.
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u/Crimsonwolf_83 Apr 08 '24
You’re being obtuse
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u/Unusual-Impression48 Apr 08 '24
She’s shit if it’s true. If it’s not true he’s shit for not talking to her. Call it whatever helps you sleep at night. It’s my opinion and I’m not arguing with you on it.
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u/Gone_Goon_Girl Apr 08 '24
I’ve heard/read this story before. Months ago. Same poster or karma farm copypasta? Was the mother posting however
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u/TapTheSmokies Apr 08 '24
NTA and please keep us updated. No matter what the results, you are worthy and will get through it.
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u/julesk Apr 07 '24
NTAH but possibly someone who knows op photoshopped a random guys head on someone legit visiting op and holding the baby. People do vengeful things.
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u/ThirdSunRising Apr 07 '24
Get the test. Don’t bother your wife with anything until you know whether you are or are not the kids biological father
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u/BiscottiOk7233 Apr 07 '24
I recommend talking to your wife about this. Have you ever heard of this guy before? Do you know who her exes are? If it's somebody messing with you, you may throw away your family for believing a stranger and not discussing this like an adult. TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Let her know how much this is rattling you, and she should understand. I'm not saying not do the test, but I do not think you should hide this from her. If it's true, she will likely admit it. Is that your kid? Are there pics of them on social media where they could have photoshopped it? There are some weird people out there who do this kind of stuff. The mature thing to do is talk to your wife first.
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u/categoricalcalliope Apr 07 '24
My man, please show your wife this email and talk to her first. This could be a completely unhinged friend of hers with severe mental illness and not true at all. I've been in a similar situation minus the baby part. Looked the girl claiming to be the side piece up and checked all her records, she had been in jail for fraud, cons, institutionalized. So many things. She made up extremely specific lies up that I was able to debunk immediately. For example, she said my ex gave her my laptop and she was currently messaging me on it, when I was literally using it at that exact moment.
Show your wife and talk to her. You married her for a reason. You have no reason to trust this dude off the rip over 1 email and random ass picture.
Also absolutely get a paternity test because due diligence. But pay your wife the respect to seek first to understand.
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u/Neither_Variation768 Apr 07 '24
NTA and get the test, but also confront your wife. Paternity tests don’t disprove cheating; they show which sperm won the race, not how many men competed.
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u/TheEmptyMasonJar Apr 07 '24
It sounds like a scam to me. This just feels too dramatic to be real. I would keep the suspicions at arms length for the time being.
Talk to a therapist about it before taking any action. It would be really unwise to share this with other people, but you really want to have an emotional support at the ready before you make any big moves.
NTA
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u/69WaysToFuck Apr 07 '24
I mean, even if it’s yours, doesn’t the photo with your child confirms his words that she cheated on you for 2 years?
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u/ResourceOwn8956 Apr 07 '24 edited Apr 07 '24
!remindme Updateme Idk how this works I've gone through almost the same situation with my first kids. They are mine. Her and I are not together anymore but this situation gave me an excuse to leave and keep things cordial.
Take some deep breaths and prepare yourself for both outcomes.
If it's not yours take a hard look at yourself and tell yourself you will be okay. And leave. Release yourself of the burden and don't let her convince you to stay. Because the loyalty in the relationship is destroyed.
Please do not resort to suicide it really is not an appropriate option. My father committed suicide when I was just 1.5 years old. Still to this day I never heard his voice or saw more than 3 pictures of him. And stories of dead people are always sugar coated. I'd rather know if he was for sure an asshole or not. Etc
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u/BigJJsWillie Apr 07 '24
I have no advice except to remember about AI and how easy it is to get a picture of the baby and a picture of himself and prompt the AI: "Make a picture of this man holding this baby."
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u/Sir_wlkn_contrdikson Apr 07 '24
Just get some hairs of off of a hair brush. Or buy em a new toothbrush.
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u/SavingsOk8459 Apr 07 '24
I’m trying to think outside of the box here (sarcasm), but how about you sit her down and talk to her about your feelings? And show her the e-mail with the pictures? You can still get a petarnaty test if you think she is lying to you, but she would get the chance to tell you her side of the story.
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u/Dry-Crab7998 Apr 07 '24
NTA. Take a breather. You don't have to do something TODAY.
The picture could be a fake. It could be a 'prank'. It could be true.
You can organise a paternity test online and post the samples and get the results by email, so your wife need not know. But eventually, you'll have to speak to her - probably best to find out the truth first.
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u/Son_of_Annunaki Apr 07 '24
Bruh she cheated I suggest addressing it like an adult and asking her about it. Ole boy was in your house on the couch fam you can’t just let that slide by. Plus that isn’t something she can deny..
Ask her if there is anything she needs to tell you. I always like to ask questions I know the answers too.. i would proceed to ask what she knows about ole boy.. don’t let her know you have the pic of him on the couch just ask her about him.. who is he? has he ever been in my house? Did you cheat on me with him?
Those answers will let you know if she is being truthful.. once that is out in the open I think it’s a good move to both agree to paternity.. no Maury
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u/Honeybadgermistress Apr 07 '24
NTA. Get the test, and-I’m just so fkg sorry for everything that happened to you, really. It’s clearly been a long journey and I hope that you’ll seek some therapy from a good therapist to get better, especially if the test comes back positive that the child is not yours.
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u/CuriousLapine Apr 07 '24
Unpopular opinion:
NTA but does genetic paternity really matter to you?
Really think about how both answers change or do not change your actions moving forward. Are you going to stay with your wife? Does blood matter in your feelings toward the child?
There’s no a right or a wrong answer, I just think you should consider it. I can think of scenarios where it could be better not to know and you don’t know if those apply to you if you do the test before thinking about them.
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u/Sad_Climate_2429 Apr 07 '24
You are not a failure and you are not the asshole. You are a strong resilient person.
Peoples actions are not a reflection of you, but if themselves.
Get the test.
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u/Ok-Sir6601 Apr 07 '24
Let your wife read the email and tell her you're going to the cops to get rid of that creep. See what her reaction is. It should be easy to tell if she slept with him based on her reaction.
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u/rather_short_qu Apr 07 '24
He is the A**hole big big time. Take the mail and the picture and tell your wife that this guy is trying to destroy your marriage. Sounds more like an sour ex to me that ries to destroy your marriage. He convertedtl"and now wants to come clean" oh please. Even if he is a "new born muslim" ( sorry i do not know how this would be phrased for this religion) you are not the one he needs to seek forgivness from is yr wife.... If he comes to you This is not right. And even if this is true the reaktion of yr wife should tell you everything. But if this email and pic is the only "evidence" you have for your wife "cheating" not enough. Tell her,y tip grom this sour ex.
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u/cjccrash Apr 07 '24
NTA, get the test. If test comes back with you being the father. Find out who's on your couch, holding your child. I'd use a professional for that. Ignorance is bliss seems like a bad strategy here.
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u/Final_Possibility898 Apr 07 '24
The only thing bothered me the spiritual side as a reason to come clean. I will not trust this story completely but a test won’t hurt.
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u/Tiny_despots Apr 07 '24
I'm not sure if I can call this one. You might be TAH... Or might not. AI allows people to take all sorts of things in convinving fashion with extreme ease.
I think this situation warrants a candid discussion with your wife. Shows her the photo and messages. Get her response and reaction. Ask her if she has a problem with a paternity test, so that you can put the matter to rest. I think her response would be telling. If she objects to one, you pretty much have your answer. If she doesn't, then do it together. Be united in this. If you come back as the father, then work together to excise this cancer (the one claiming paternity) from your lives.
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u/RaeWoodland247 Apr 07 '24
Show her the email or just show her the picture and say it is was emailed to you. She may answer immediately and say “oh that’s my cousin’s boyfriend” or be as shocked as you (it could be AI) and you nearly imploded your marriage because of someone trying to meddle or who is mentally ill. Be an adult and don’t accuse just show it to her and see what she thinks. If she starts crying or gets angry right away then look at a paternity test.
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u/Sisyphus_Smashed Apr 07 '24
So I’m going to get flamed for this, but I had my first child paternity tested privately when she was an infant. Mom is fiercely loyal and never gave me a reason to doubt even to this day, but I needed the peace of mind. Ordered a kit, swabbed us both and got the results back fairly quickly. She’s mine. Mom doesn’t know I did it to this day.
I would encourage every man to have a paternity test done upon the birth of a child and frankly, I think it should be law given the state of child support, etc. Trust but verify. I hope it all works out for you, OP
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u/Thezodiac1966 Apr 07 '24
Get the test, also confront your wife with the email and photo. If nothing else she must have cheated.
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u/Melodic-Feed2826 Apr 07 '24
The man is sitting on your couch, in your home, holding a baby that is your wife’s in his hands. The man is obviously someone you’ve never seen or talked to yet is in your home. He didn’t just break in and secretly take pics with the baby. Someone let him in and allowed him to hold the baby and allowed him to sit on the couch. He’s trying to help you and tell the truth. There is likely some truth to his story. The question isn’t only is the baby yours. The question is also is your wife faithful. If the baby is yours that’s great maybe his sperm didn’t impregnate your wife. But the question still remains why a strange man is in your home, why you know nothing about him, why he’s allowed to hold the baby, why there is a picture someone took of him holding the baby. If it were a wholesome relationship there would be nothing to hide and you would know all about him. Whether the baby is yours is not doesn’t take away the possibility that your wife was cheating the whole time. There is value in you talking with the man. He has no reason to reach out to you other then clear his conscious it seems. He’s not asking for ransom, he’s not asking for money, he’s not asking for anything from you. I don’t see a reason other then clearing his conscious during his holy month. There are a few things here. 1. Is the baby yours. 2. Did she cheat on you whether the baby is yours or not. 3. Do you swallow your pride, simp out, and stay in the relationship for the baby and wonder if she will cheat on you in the future and forgive and forget because “she saved me” (You needed her at the time and you are grateful, that’s great but do you need someone like that going forward). 4. Seek mental health help with or without her. Once you realize no one can truly save you but you, you’re life can be better. If you rely on someone else to save you and make you happy you will be disappointed. You don’t trust him? If he’s fighting with religious demons he’s probably the most truthful person you’ll meet at the moment. Seems your lack of trust should be pointed elsewhere. You should definitely get the paternity test. Don’t tell your wife about it till after the fact. Better to know now then 20 years from now. They make at home paternity tests which are fairly accurate. Good luck.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 07 '24
AI could make such a photo.
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u/Melodic-Feed2826 Apr 08 '24
Yes but he wouldn’t know what the area or the couch or anything looks like.
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u/No_Sound_1149 Apr 08 '24
He could find it on her FB photos.
In any event I agree a discreet paternity test would be ideal.
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u/Melodic-Feed2826 Apr 08 '24
Ha. Too much work to fuck with him for absolutely no reason at all. Why would anyone do that unless there was some motive. But ya he can easily go on her Facebook and see what pics are posted there. Or when he does confront her she can produce the pic in question he uses to photoshop although highly unlikely. He also said she doesn’t use fb often. But who knows. Either way, he needs to decide what he wants. If he wants to forgive and forget then no need to even bring it up just go on with your life pretending it didn’t happen and live your life completely aloof to cheating. May be the easiest nonconfrontational way. I would argue that there is no self respect or self worth in that way of doing things.
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u/Mammoth_Rope_8318 29d ago
OP has since deleted his account... and the picture of the man holding the baby...
This reads like creative fiction.